Briar opens her eyes to her world on fire.

The sight sparks fear in her instantly, and she starts to pull herself up, wanting to get a better look at what she's dealing with—what's happening?— only to fall back down when pain sparks up at the movement. She lets out a half-gasp, half-whimper, squeezing her eyes shut when that only amplifies the sharp pain in her chest.

Think, Briar, think.

It's nearly impossible to do so when her entire world is pain and fear. She can't think clearly enough to figure out where she is or why or what happened to her, all she knows is that her chest hurts and so does her arm and her leg and . . . well, everything. She feels like one giant bruise, in the worst pain of her entire life.

The screaming cuts through the haze.

She's sitting back up before the first scream can die out, instinctively recognizing the noise as Arizona's. She's never heard the woman let out a scream like that, but she knows that it belongs to her. She has to take a long minute to breathe through the pain of moving, one hand clutching her chest like she can stop the pain if she just touches the spot.

The pain is duller now, and as the haze clears she recognizes that it's coming from her ribs.

That has her fear spiking again, and her hands shake as she strips off her coat, fumbling with the zipper for so long she grows frustrated with herself. When she is able to lift up her shirt and examine herself, she winces at the bruises forming on her ribs, the color darkening by the second. Thankfully, she doesn't appear to have fractured anything, but it's hard to feel grateful when she can see the redness coating her abdomen.

The screaming starts back up, and Briar is pulling herself to her feet. She almost leaves the coat behind, but she freezes when she looks around at the trees surrounding her, and the evidence of some sort of emergency near her, metal parts sticking out of the grass. There's a small fire, and now she remembers waking up to the sight of it.

She doesn't like how foggy her memory is.

She shoves her arms back into the coat sleeves, not bothering with the stupid zipper again, but freezes as she is about to leave. The thought of how Kelly would react if she walked away from a fire like this has her scooping up handfuls of grass, making sure not to use any dry sections, and extinguishing the fire. She's never wanted a fire extinguisher more in her life, but she makes due with the grass, patting it down and making sure that the fire is out before she's slowly making her way to Arizona.

The walk takes forever since she has to keep stopping to breathe through her pain. She's breathing shallowly, not wanting to worsen her agony by breathing properly, and there are multiple times where she has no choice but to sit down when she feels close to fainting. She's starting to think that she's going to die out here in the woods–and why is she in the woods?–with Arizona's screams echoing around her, when she finally enters a clearing.

Oh, she thinks dumbly, taking in the sight of the plane in the ground. There was a plane crash.

Now that she's looking at it, she can remember everything. It doesn't play back in her memory: this isn't a movie. Instead, it's as if seeing the crash site unlocks the memories, as if her brain was blocking her from remembering. She remembers boarding, ecstatic about the surgery she was going to be performing. She remembers wanting to sit with Lexie, but the younger woman had apologetically asked to be alone, conflicted about everything with Mark. She remembers sitting with Cristina instead, and the panic in her friend's voice as she pointed out that they were way too close to the ground. She remembers all of them panicking the closer they got to the ground.

She remembers thinking that she was going to die, and being thrown from the plane, and then she woke up on the ground.

Arizona is still screaming.

Briar takes another step forward, her mind racing as she looks around, relieved to see Mark, Cristina and Meredith standing. They're bloody and dirty and look as terrified as she is, but they're alive. Cristina's gaze snaps to her when she gets closer, a choked noise escaping her mouth.

"Where have you been?" She shouts, glaring at her while holding her arm.

"I–I've been following Arizona's screams." She admits, her voice breaking halfway through the sentence. Where are Lexie and Derek? Where's the pilot? Where's the rest of the plane, since only half of it is here? "Where is she?"

"Cristina, where is Derek?" Meredith asks, turning to face them.

Briar is able to see the second that Cristina remembers.

"He was sucked out the side when we hit the trees, right–right after Briar was, and then the back of the plane came off. It came–it came off!"

"Did you see him?" Meredith demands, turning to Briar before her eyes widen. "Lexie was in the back of the plane!"

"No, he–he wasn't with me." Briar tells her, because there's no way she would've left him behind for anything. "I was alone. I don't–I don't know where they are."

"I–I looked to the back, and all I could see was freakin' sky." Cristina tells them, looking up as she does. Arizona's screams pick up pitch, reminding Briar that she still hasn't seen her, and she moves to follow the noise while Cristina starts screaming about only having one shoe.

Arizona was near them the whole time, lying next to the plane, and she stops screaming when Cristina screams at her. Briar is relieved, not wanting to hear the noise, and worried about what else could hear it if Briar could from further away. She doesn't know where they crash landed, and the last thing they need to worry about is fighting off wild animals.

With the screaming stopped, they're able to hear a distant banging noise.

"Do you hear–do you hear that sound?" Meredith asks them, slowly turning in a circle to try and place it. "Where is that sound coming from?"

"There." Arizona places it, putting in the distance. "It's coming from over there."

They all rush in that direction, hoping to find their friends–or, in Meredith's case, her little sister and husband. They follow the tapping, which periodically stops, screaming out Lexie and Derek's names. Mark is holding his chest, Cristina is holding her arm down in a way that suggests it might be broken, and Meredith has a tourniquet wrapped around her thigh. Altogether, they're not the fastest group, but desperation for the others has them pushing past their pain.

"They're okay." Briar says for probably the thirtieth time in a minute, looking at Mark. "She–she's okay. She's okay, right?"

He doesn't answer. Briar tries not to see that as a sign.

There's the other half of the plane, Briar thinks when they reach the other crash site. There's a seat abandoned to the left of it, and scattered belongings everywhere, and Lexie's arm stretching out from under the back of the plane, hitting the side of it with the metal seat buckle.

"Lexie." Mark breathes out, all of them frozen in their places for just one moment as they take the sight in.

Mark reaches her first, the others scrambling after him. One look at Lexie, half-buried under the plane, blood surrounding her mouth, and Briar knows that this is bad. She's conscious, which Briar is grateful for but also horrified by: she can't imagine how much pain she must be in.

"I knew you'd show up." She murmurs while Mark checks her pulse, a small smile curving her lips even as her eyes shut again.

"How is she?" Meredith asks frantically.

"She's awake and responsive." Mark tells them, turning back to Lexie. "How you doing in there?"

"I'm–I'm great." Lexie chokes out, her voice breathy. There's blood on her teeth, and Briar has to look away, swallowing down the bile that rises in her throat. She's showing every sign of having internal injuries, and Briar doesn't like the odds of them getting her out from under this thing without killing her.

You're a trauma surgeon. Fucking do something.

"Yeah? Good girl." Mark gives her a smile, trying to stay optimistic. "We're gonna get you outta here, okay?"

"Okay."

Mark turns to them, panting out his findings. "She's tachycardic and short of breath."

"We have to find Derek." Meredith begs, tears in her eyes as she pulls her gaze away from her sister. Briar doesn't want her to go, but she also understands why she needs to know Derek's condition. Is he hurt too? Worse, is he . . . Briar can't even think about that.

"We have Lexie." Cristina promises, sharing a look with Briar and nodding. "So go. Go find him. Go, go. Go try and find him."

Meredith looks back at Lexie once before leaving, while Briar drops down to Lexie's level, grabbing her right hand and twisting it until their tattoos line up together.

"Nice tattoo." She says softly, running her fingers along the flower stem, her fingers shaking. Lexie smiles at her, more blood trickling out of her mouth, and Briar loses her battle against her tears. "We're–we're going to figure this out, okay, Lex? I promise."

Lexie nods, but it looks like she's doing it for Briar's sake more than anything.

"Remember when you were my intern and I'd make you pretend to be hurt and self-report so that the other interns could diagnose you?" She chokes out, remembering those days. Lexie was always so eager to play that game, coming up with bizarre injuries. "Can you–can you do that for me?"

"My legs and my pelvis are crushed." She admits, panting. The more she talks, the paler she becomes and the looser her grip on Briar's hand gets. Briar just holds on tighter, unwilling to let go. "And I can't f–feel my other arm so I'm not sure it's even there anymore. And, uh, my chest feels like it's gonna explode, so it's probably a massive . . . hemothorax."

"We gotta get this thing off of her." Mark insists, while Briar angrily swipes at her tears, not wanting Lexie to feel worse at the sight of them. "We can–we can lift it."

"Mark–" Cristina starts, trailing off when Lexie nods.

Briar opens her mouth to protest, but the look in Lexie's eyes stops her. She looks like she's accepted her fate, but Mark hasn't, and she loves him enough to try for him. She knows that it won't work, that it'll probably only hurt her, but she'll endure it for the love of her life.

Briar swallows thickly, bending down to press a kiss to Lexie's forehead. "Okay." She whispers, lips still pressed to her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too." Lexie chokes out, pausing between each word, and then Briar is pulling away from her.

"Pop it back in." Cristina orders, turning so that her shoulder is facing Briar, who does as she asks. It's not the first shoulder she's popped back into place, nor will it be the last, but she flinches all the same when Cristina yells out in pain. She pants after, pain slowly trickling away, before she steels herself and nods.

Nothing they do moves the plane: after all, it is a huge chunk of metal, and they're three injured people. The only thing they accomplish is causing Lexie more pain, until Briar finally stops after the fourth try, unable to listen to her whimpering.

"We gotta–we–we gotta get the oxygen from the plane, okay?" Mark decides, dropping down next to Lexie. "And fluids. Fluids. She needs water bottles. And, uh, uh, the tubes, the oxygen tubes. We can get her fluids. Okay? Go get them. Go. Go get 'em. Go get 'em."

The look on Cristina's face is heartbreaking: she knows what Briar knows, which is that there's nothing they can do.

"Why aren't you doing anything?"

"They . . . they know it won't help." Lexie is the one to answer. 

"No." Mark insists. "You are gonna be fine. Stop. You're gonna be fine. Go! Get 'em!"

Cristina takes Mark's place, leaning in to Lexie and sharing a long look with her. Briar has to turn away, once again wiping at her face as she gives them their moment.

"I'm gonna be right back." Cristina promises.

As she's pulling away, Briar grabs her hand and mouths to her: Find Meredith. Cristina nods, rushing away from them. Briar is the only one who sees the way her shoulders shake. She takes up the vacant spot.

"I love you so much." She whispers, ignoring the way Mark whimpers at her words and what they mean. "The best decision I ever made was stealing you as my intern, because you became my best friend and–and my little sister. I–I don't know if you remember this, but one time when we got drunk you kept talking about the universe and–and whether there were alternate ones. You made an equation for it and everything. If there are, I'll choose you in them. I'll choose you every time. We—we're best friends in all of them, whether we're surgeons or—or, I don't know, librarians. I love you so much."

"I love you." Lexie repeats, her own tears falling, and Briar can't resist twisting her arm and kissing her tattoo, gently wiping away the dirt and blood. "Tell–tell Meredith and–and Zola."

"I will. They love you more than anything." Briar promises, knowing that Lexie already knows that. The thought of Zola growing up without her Auntie Lexie makes her want to die even more than she already does.

"Find Derek." Lexie continues, and Briar nods, finally pushing herself back. It's the hardest thing she's ever done.

"I will. We're all going to be okay, Lexie."

✦

Briar gives Mark and Lexie space to say their goodbyes, walking away from them and wandering aimlessly. She stays close enough that she can rush back over at an emergency, but far enough that she doesn't catch what they say to each other. Her mind feels empty, and she finds herself leaning against a tree, wanting to fall sleep.

Maybe she'll be lucky and not wake up.

She knows better: she's never been the lucky sort. This proves it. How rare are plane crashes? How rare is it to survive a plane crash?

She's not there when Lexie stops breathing, but she knows that it happens by the way Mark curls in even further, by the way his body shakes and shakes and shakes.

Cristina brings Meredith back, leaving her with Lexie and marching over to Briar.

"Get up." She orders, narrowing her eyes when Briar just stares back, feeling numb. At some point, the tears stopped. She's not sure when. She's not sure how long it's been. How long ago did the plane crash? How long are they going to be out here? "I mean it. Stand up!"

"Why?" She asks, and her voice comes out sounding dead. "Why? I mean, what–what's the point? Lexie's dead. What's the point?"

Meredith is sobbing now.

"The point is that we're alive, and we're going to stay that way, so get up!" Cristina grabs her with her good arm, yanking until Briar gives in if only to prevent the pulling that's hurting her ribs even more. The crying certainly didn't help with the pain, even if she was too focused on Lexie dying in front of her to really pay it any mind. "Go help Arizona!"

That gets her attention.

"What's wrong with Arizona?"

"Her leg is broken, like, bone sticking out broken." Cristina informs her. "I told her that I'd bring you back to her but she's really in shock. She keeps laughing about how she's married to an orthopedic surgeon. And the pilot might be paralyzed."

"Okay." Briar nods to herself, latching onto this new information. She can help Arizona–she couldn't help Lexie, but she can be useful somehow. She has to be. "Okay. I–I'm going. Derek?"

She's almost too scared to ask, and it's almost a relief when Cristina tells her they didn't find him yet.

Missing isn't dead.

✦

Arizona had applied her own tourniquet, which is a good thing. What isn't good is the way her femur sticks out of her leg, or the way the pilot, Jerry, can't feel his legs. Cristina had given him a c-spine stabilization using a broken board and tape, which Briar quickly stabilizes even more before moving out of the plane again.

"Just don't move. We'll keep checking on you." Briar promises, focusing more on Arizona.

There isn't much she can do with their limited supplies. They packed mostly personal items, seeing as they were going to a hospital. Briar curses that decision now as she does her best with what she has, making Arizona take careful sips out of a water bottle before she uses the remaining half to clean out the wound. Arizona cries the entire time, and Briar has never hated herself more than she does then.

"How–how's Lexie?" Arizona asks hopefully, before her face falls when Briar's face twists up. "No."

"She, uh, she's–she's dead." Briar chokes the word out, saying it out loud for the first time and immediately losing the battle with her stomach. She has enough foresight to twist away from Arizona beforehand. She cries even harder when Arizona's hand stretches out to rub her back, comforting her through her own pain.

"Drink some water." Arizona orders when she's done.

Briar shakes her head, wiping her mouth with her hand after spitting a few times, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. Arizona frowns, looking like she's going to push the issue, but Briar isn't budging.

"No. We–we need to save the water. Who knows how long we'll be out here." She sighs, shaking her head. They need to ration their supplies, especially with how injured Arizona is.

Before she can do anything else, Cristina comes rushing over to them.

"We found Derek!" She calls out, instantly going through their bags on the plane. "He's hurt. It's his hand. Where is that goddamn first aid kit!?"

"Go." Arizona urges, nudging Briar. "There's nothing else you can do here, just go. Help him."

"We'll be right back." Briar promises, helping Cristina look.

"Oh, I found it!" Cristina screams excitedly.

"The first aid box?" Arizona asks, perking up, but Cristina shakes her head as she pulls out her shoe.

"My shoe!"

"Is she gonna be okay?" Jerry asks, sounding concerned for her.

"She's not barefoot anymore." Arizona sighs.

"Well, I guess that's something." Jerry says. The conversation should probably amuse Briar, but she feels so far away from all of it as she goes through everyone's stuff. Her hand wraps around a dark blue sweatshirt, and she freezes once she recognizes it as Lexie's favorite.

"Briar? Did you find something?" Cristina asks her, and she slowly shakes her head. She's careful as she folds the sweatshirt up, running her fingers over it reverently before she sets it aside.

"No. You?"

"There's a safety pin, and some clean clothes." Cristina sighs, tossing everything into a suitcase. Briar grabs the handle from her, letting Cristina lead the way to Derek, only to freeze when they end up right next to Lexie and Mark. She only moves at the sound of Derek's pained moans, joining Cristina next to them and avoiding looking to their left.

"Where's Lexie?" Derek asks just as Briar unzips the suitcase. He looks up, correctly reading Meredith's expression, and Briar looks away when his face falls. "No."

"Okay, let's just keep it together, okay?" Meredith begs.

"Okay." Derek agrees, voice nothing more than a whisper. Briar shuts her eyes, remembering every time he referred to Lexie as his little sister. He loved her so much. They both deserved to say goodbye to her.

"Loosen the tourniquet a little bit." Derek tells Meredith, who frowns.

"You'll bleed to death." She reminds him, not doing it.

"I need to save my hand."

"Well, I'm trying to save your life."

"Oh, safety pin. Safety pin!" Cristina perks up, handing it to Briar. Meredith moves to grab it from her but Briar keeps it, not wanting to make Meredith operate on Derek when she's capable of it.

"Do you have a t-shirt or bandana?" Derek asks, and Cristina quickly finds those for him while Meredith gives in and loosens the tourniquet. Blood starts flowing again, although at a more reserved pace than it would without the tourniquet. "Okay, we have to close the wound. Use the safety pin. Weave your way inside and out and then put the bandana on top of it and tape it."

Briar nods, turning to Meredith when she offers to do it, her voice shaking.

"Just hold him, okay?" She orders, seeing the relief in Meredith's eyes as she moves to cradle Derek's head. Cristina grabs his shoulders, keeping him still, and Briar grabs the t-shirt she'd set aside.

"What's the t-shirt for?" Cristina asks while Briar balls it up, already knowing.

"Put it in my mouth. I'm probably gonna scream a lot, and I'm gonna–I'm gonna–I'm gonna pass out."

He doesn't. He screams, the sound muffled by the shirt, and all four of them cry, and Meredith begs him to pass out. His legs keep kicking out as he scrambles to get away from the pain, but Cristina holds him down tight. It's awful, and by the time Briar is finished, her entire body is shaking.

She thinks she might actually hate surgery.

✦

"Matches. Yes, god, finally!" Cristina sighs, holding up a pack of them after digging around in the suitcase some more. "Fire. We can build a fire."

"We should. They'll see a fire." Meredith agrees, perking up while wrapping Derek's hand. She'd wanted to do that part, and Briar hadn't argued with her. "Let's get a fire started."

"Yeah. Mark!" Cristina yells to Mark, who is still huddled with Lexie, holding her hand. "We need–we need to start a fire. Mark. Mark! You have to help!"

She stumbles to her feet, but Meredith shakes her head. "I'll–I'll figure out how to get it started."

"No! No. You know what? He doesn't get to do this. He doesn't get to stop helping. I'm sorry he lost Lexie, but she was your sister, and you're still helping. He has to help because the sky is falling, Mark!" She storms over to him, only to turn when Derek protests.

"Cristina."

"No, no, no!" She shouts. "You know, if there's one thing that I've learned with all the–the bombs and the guns to my head and–and the buses running down my friends is that I am not interested in dying! I want to get out of here, and I want to go home! And everyone has to help! Mark, get up! Get up and help, Mark!"

She grabs his shoulder, only for him to barely move when she shakes him. Briar is on her feet instantly while Cristina turns gentle and frantic, cupping his chin in her hand. "Mark. Mark?"

As soon as she's felt for a pulse, she's maneuvering him to be flat on his back while Briar scrambles to take her place. As much as she trusts Cristina, she's down one arm, although she uses it to help Briar rip open his scrub top. They both gasp when they see how red his chest is, revealing the internal issues none of them knew about.

"It's a cardiac tamponade." Cristina states, while Meredith helps move Derek to join them at his insistence.

"Are you sure?" He asks her.

"75 percent." Cristina sighs. "70. 70 percent sure."

"That's not very sure." Meredith points out while Derek keeps an eye on his best friend.

"Well, if you want me to be sure, get me an ultrasound!" Cristina scoffs. "We have to drain his pericardial sac and relieve the pressure or–or his heart will stop."

"With what? We don't even have an 18-guage spinal needle." Derek points out while Meredith puts an oxygen mask over his face. Cristina had brought them back with her after Mark sent her to find them for Lexie. Derek looks around, finding the bottle that Meredith had used to disinfect his wound. "Okay. I got it. Okay. Hold this and take the top off."

Cristina unscrews the top, revealing the tube inside.

"Use that right there. Use the tube."

"Brilliant." Cristina breathes out. "Brilliant. Okay, this will work."

"Sanitize it." Derek instructs Meredith.

"Is this tubing long enough?" Cristina asks, while Meredith preps Mark and starts to cut with Briar's sterilized pocket knife.

"I'm going in, um, subxiphoid." She tells them, and Mark jerks as soon as Meredith makes the first cut. They all shush him, and Briar moves to sit at his head, holding him down.

"You're okay." She promises, running a hand through his hair. "You're okay, don't move."

Derek helps her hold him down, wincing in sympathy at the pain his best friend is experiencing. Derek just experienced the same thing in a way, and Briar hates that she's watching all of her friends suffer while she's mostly unharmed.

"Easy, Mark." Derek assures him softly. "Just focus on us, okay? Don't move. You're going to be okay."

Mark's tension eases up slightly at the sound of his best friend's voice, and Derek keeps assuring him when he notices. Briar continues stroking his hair, remembering how much Lexie loved having that done for her and knowing that she would be doing this for Mark if she could.

It turns out that Briar still has some tears left in her.

"Aim for his left shoulder." Cristina instructs Meredith.

"Wait!" Derek calls out, twisting to see what Meredith is doing. "Don't puncture his heart."

"I know, I know, I know."

Meredith inserts the needle and Mark grunts, his neck tensing as he jerks slightly. Cristina has moved to sit on his legs, stopping him from moving too far.

"Deeper!"

Meredith does just that, blood squirting out of the tube and causing them all to flinch.

"Good! Excellent. That's it, that's it." Cristina cheers. "That's good, that's it. That's exactly it."

Derek goes back to comforting Mark while the other three finish up, Briar moving from his head to his side. She holds the ziploc bag they found, letting the blood drain into it until it's done and it's safe to move him. They make a makeshift gurney out of blankets, planning to gather with Arizona and the pilot. None of them want to be separated right now.

On their way out, Briar can't bring herself to look at Lexie. She can't stand the thought of her being cold and pale, the way every dead body she's seen has been.

They lay Mark out next to Arizona, who freezes at the sight of her friend. Briar turns away, her hands on her knees as she bends over, panting for air. She's glad that she works out so often, but nothing could prepare her for the workouts she's been getting today.

"Mark? What happened?"

Cristina explains while Briar gives in and drinks some water, helping Derek drink some as well. She needs to check on his hand, and on Arizona's leg, and on the pilot. There's so much to do, and so few supplies, and she feels like she's going insane.

"We should get a fire started." Meredith suggests, since it's getting colder as the sun sets. Briar just nods, not wanting to think about spending the night out here. Or, more likely, nights plural.

"Oh, I've got–I've got the matches." Cristina pulls them out. "We have five left."

"Make it big so they see." Meredith tells Derek as he moves to start a fire.

"What happened to the four hours, Jerry?" Arizona asks the pilot, who had told her they'd likely only have to wait that long for help.

"It's been more than four hours." Meredith states the obvious.

"Shh. Listen." Jerry urges them.

"What does that mean?" Arizona questions. "I mean, does that mean that they're not coming for us? I mean, you said four hours. You said four hours tops."

"Chopper!" Jerry shouts, and they all move, realizing what he'd been listening for.

"Oh my god. It's a helicopter!"

"HEY!"

They all start screaming and waving, begging for help as the noise gets even closer.

"Where is it!?"

"I don't see it!"

"I don't know!"

"Get the flare gun!" Jerry shouts. "The flare gun!"

"In the bag, in the bag!"

Meredith scrambles until she finds it, aiming it up and pulling the trigger, only for nothing to happen. Briar can't help herself, lunging forward and snatching it to try for herself, only to bellow when nothing happens. The thing is broken.

Derek tries next, then Cristina, but nothing happens and the helicopter flies away.

The others all scream, begging for the helicopter to come back, but Briar just sinks down to the floor and goes silent. Any hope she had for getting out of here alive disappears with that stupid helicopter, and honestly? Some part of her is relieved.

At least when she dies, she'll be with Lexie.

✦

"They don't know where we are." Jerry tells them that first night. "They don't know where we are. It's because the transmitter's probably been damaged in the crash. If the transmitter's damaged . . ."

"We could be here for days." Derek finishes.

"Yeah."

"Zola." Meredith breathes out from between her and Cristina.

"Owen has got to have figured out we're missing. I know he sent someone." Cristina points out, since they never made it to the hospital to perform that surgery. They would've called him to figure out what happened. "Besides, Avery can't get enough of Briar. I'm sure he's already crying about her not calling him yet. They'll notice, and they'll send someone."

Briar hasn't thought about Jackson.

Too much has been happening, but the mention of his name sends a jolt through her. She misses him. She wishes he was here: not hurt, not suffering with them, of course, but with her. She always wants him with her.

"They'll take care of Zola." She assures Meredith. "Jackson, Alex, and April adore her. She's being spoiled rotten as we speak."

✦

Time gets weird. Some moments it flies by, and others it drags. Briar has no point of reference, and so it feels like time doesn't exist at all. All there is is this new way of living: tending to the wounds as much as she can, pretending that one of her best friends isn't decaying not too far from her, and searching the area during daylight. They gather wood for the fire; they search for clean water; they look for paths or any hint of civilization and they come up empty.

✦

They huddle together at night, trying to conserve body heat. Briar can't sleep no matter what she tries, and Cristina keeps herself awake, paranoia making them snappy and fraying at their nerves. On the second night, Briar finds a stick and starts drawing in the dirt. She gets her first proper laugh out of Cristina, the sound dry and cracked–they're running low on water–as Cristina starts guessing letters.

They always did love playing hangman.

✦

Cristina finds out about her ribs during one of those long nights, after Briar stretches too far and winces. She's on her instantly, her eyes wild as she demands to see it, already unzipping Briar's coat and stripping her down. They've taken to layering up as much as possible, trying to keep warm.

The bruising has turned purple.

✦

The animals–wolves, she thinks, judging by the sounds–come out at night.

✦

It takes a while to realize, but they're going after Lexie.

Briar shoves her hands over her ears, rocking herself, but sleep doesn't come.

She can't block out the noises.

✦

Nothing they do stops the wolves, and Cristina pulls her away before she can get herself killed trying to protect Lexie.

"She's dead!" She whispers in her ear, her voice cracking as she cries. "She's dead, don't—we're not losing you too."

Briar tries not to hate her for it. She fails.

✦

Hunger sets in hard, and it weakens them. It's at the forefront of their minds all the time.

It comes and goes in waves, and she gets short periods where she isn't hungry before it hits her with a vengeance. On what she thinks might be the third night–or maybe the fourth?–she sits with her hand on her stomach, feeling it contract as her stomach prepares itself for a meal that isn't coming.

✦

Briar discovers new injuries on herself with apathy. There are burns on her right arm, likely from that fire on the first day, bruises dotted up and down her legs, her arms, her back. She's sore every time she moves, and her hands quickly get covered in cuts and scratches as the days pass. At some point the cold makes them crack, little spots of blood forming. She's fascinated by them, spending hours just staring.

She dissociates a lot.

There one moment, gone the next.

✦

"Mark?"

"I shoulda said it earlier . . . that I loved her. I shoulda said it earlier."

"She . . . she knew. I think she knew."

"She didn't know. She didn't know."

"Mark . . . Mark, hold on. Okay, I need you–I need you to hold on."

"You'll be okay. You don't need me. You take care of our girls."

"No. Shut up. Shut up. Do you hear me? Shut up."

"Lexie's waiting for me. I'll be okay."

"No! Mark Sloan, no! Hey! No. Sofia's waiting for you, and Callie is waiting for you, and I am waiting for you. We're gonna go home together, okay?"

"Okay."

✦

Mark dies.

Over and over and over again.

He dies and he dies and he dies and he dies.

Briar wonders if there will come a time where they can't revive him.

✦

In whispers, Briar helps Arizona and Mark plan Sofia's first birthday party. She agrees to bake the cake and ignores the way her stomach rumbles, the distant look on Mark's face even as he tries to engage with them, and the tears in Arizona's eyes.

She's gotten good at ignoring the things she doesn't want to see.

✦

They run out of water.

The last of it is given to Arizona, while Briar cleans her leg, flushing it and covering it in their last clean shirt in the hopes that bugs will stay away. She has to swallow down bile–there's nothing left in her stomach to throw up–as she picks them out of it, after Arizona had started screaming about feeling something crawling in there.

As the days pass, her leg gets worse, and Briar worries that Sofia might end up with two less parents by the time they're found. She's developing a fever as her body tries to fight off an infection and heal her, but it can't heal this.

Briar can't heal this, and she feels like a failure.

What was the point of getting trauma certified, if all she could do was watch Lexie die? What was the point of getting orthopedic certified, if all she can do is pick bugs out of Arizona's leg?

✦

"I would kill someone to be at Richard's Residency Dinner." Briar sighs out, staring sullenly at the sky as her small intestines contract again. She's gone hungry before, but never like this, and the feeling is strange. She feels distant from herself. "He told me he was ordering lamb and steak."

"Don't mention steak to me." Cristina groans. "God, I hate them all."

"They're probably drinking fancy wine and reminiscing. I despise them." Briar scowls, thinking of how happy Alex, April, and Jackson must be right now. Meanwhile, Briar would kill to eat anything: if someone gave her a singular cracker, she'd cry.

She'd found a small blueberry bush on the second day, but they've long since picked it dry. Meredith had split her last piece of gum with her and Cristina, and they'd spent hours chewing it even as the flavor had long disappeared, hoping to trick their bodies into thinking they were eating.

It hadn't worked.

✦

Cristina drinks her own pee.

The next day, Briar finds a creek and drinks from that, ignoring the warnings from Cristina and Derek about diseases and bacteria. If it kills her, it kills her, but at least it's water.

Gross, contaminated water, but water.

Cristina makes fun of her for the way she pronounces the word 'creek,' her Pittsburgh accent turning the word into 'crick.' Briar uses all of her self restraint to not shove her into the water, knowing they need to preserve the clothes they have before night falls again.

She brings water back for Arizona, Mark, and Jerry using their discarded water bottles. She has to help Jerry and Mark drink it, the two of them too weak to, and she has to stop Arizona from dumping it on her leg.

It's one thing to drink it, but Briar isn't letting her dump contaminated water on her wound.

✦

They play 20 questions with Jerry, who is disturbed and fascinated by their many near death experiences. He makes a joke about them surviving this too, and Briar smiles, but all she can think about is Lexie.

If anyone should've survived, it should've been her.

✦

Mark dies again.

Mark gets revived again.

✦

It takes four days for them to be rescued.

✦

authors note

hey guys... how we feeling

i cried so many times writing this and rewatching the episodes. it's not even funny how much i love lexie grey.

i know some people were hoping i would keep her alive, but the plane crash & her death are both canon events with greys. stopping it would change way too much, as much as writing her death killed me.

(can i tell you a secret? briar was supposed to die in the crash.)

i've grown attached to her so yay! she lives!

so how do we think ms "founder of the owen hunt hate club" is going to react to him signing the papers & ignoring his voice mail for a few days...

anyway the next bit of this story is going to be dark bc of ptsd. no offense to authors but my biggest pet peeve is when they write their oc surviving the crash and having no effects from it... not happening here. briar is going through it. this is just the beginning

if you can't tell (hopefully i made it clear) my girl is dissociating a lot. that's why the end parts are so quick: she's out of it a lot. things are happening around her and to her but her brain is checking in and out as it pleases as a defense mechanism. you'll see more of that.

i made a twitter account (calsvalentines) so if you want to hear my thoughts, see excerpts and my writing process, or reach out to me at all, feel free to add me on there. my dm's are open there since wattpad removed the feature on here (yea im still mad about that.)

love you guys, please don't hate me too much <3