"I can't believe Derek brought lecture day back," Briar sighs, leaning against Alex's shoulder as they watch Derek set up the podium.

"Do you think they'll notice if I fall asleep?" Alex asks, making Briar grin.

"They will when I shove you out of your seat. Come on, if I have to stay awake, you have to stay awake. It's in our best friend pact."

"I hate that I ever met you."

"Right back atcha. Oh, look, Derek's starting. Oh wow, he's really smiley today."

"Good morning!" Derek greets them all from his spot behind the podium, smiling widely as he looks around the room. There are jumbled greetings back, some chirpier than others. "Good morning. I'm excited. Are you excited?"

Alex yawns into his hand, making Briar do the same thing a moment later. She punches him in the shoulder in annoyance.

"This is a, uh, teaching hospital." Derek announces, as if they weren't all aware of that. "We learn a lot by doing. We can also learn–we should also learn–from other people's experiences. Their losses will save you losses. Their mistakes will save you mistakes. Their victories will inspire yours."

Has anyone working here ever actually experienced victory?

"Let's play close attention." Derek adds. "This is gonna be good. Dr. Miranda Bailey." He starts clapping, and Briar quickly joins in. She can't help the way she instantly sits up, not wanting Dr. Bailey to call her out for slouching.

"Good morning, everyone." Bailey greets as she takes the stage. She gets more enthusiastic greetings, no one wanting to face her wrath if there's silence. A second later, she throws something into the audience, Briar laughing as Cristina gets smacked in the forehead with it.

"Ow!" She yelps, looking up from whatever she's preoccupied with.

"Morning, Dr. Yang." Dr. Bailey smirks, making the whole room laugh. "If I have to stand here, you have to listen."

"Sounds familiar." Alex mumbles, getting punched by Briar again.

"Eyes forward. Answer a question right, you get a chocolate."

Well, Briar is awake now.

"Doze off, you get beaned in the face. Ask Dr. Yang: My aim is exceptional. 2003. . . I'm three days into my intern year. . ."

✦

"Can we get chocolate for staying awake?" Briar asks Alex while Callie sets up for her presentation. Fuck, she wants chocolate so badly now. She would do absolutely anything for one piece of it.

"You on your period?" Alex asks, knowing how her cravings work by now. She only ever really wants chocolate when she's on her period: otherwise, she's a salty snack lover. Briar hums and nods, shifting slightly.

Not only is she experiencing menstrual cramps, but she broke a few toes when the crib fell on her at Mark's. She got yelled at for it by both attending's, Callie especially mad that she kept broken bones a secret from an orthopedic surgeon. In Briar's defense, what was she supposed to say: hey Mark, I'm sorry your kid dipped with your unborn grandson, but I broke my foot while taking apart his crib. Mind scheduling your breakdown for later on? Not a chance. She lasted a good few hours before the pain got to her.

Callie, of course, did a good job taking care of it. Since none of them wanted to go back to the hospital over broken toes, she used cotton balls between Briar's toes and taped them together. She's going to be okay in 2 to 4 weeks, but until then, she's riding it out.

"Sure am. And I am really glad this is happening today so I don't have to be moving around. Cramps are a bitch."

"You're a bitch." He says automatically, making Briar laugh. "I'll buy you chocolate later. Do you need anything else?"

"A heart." Lexie says pointedly from behind them, neither of them responding to her. "A soul. Oh! Maybe a–"

Briar doesn't hear what else she needs because laughter rings through the room when Callie's computer shows a picture of her and Arizona. Briar rolls her eyes at the immaturity. It's a cute picture.

Briar leans forward to talk to Arizona. "Hey. That picture is cute. Why's your girlfriend doing her pee dance?"

"She's nervous." Arizona whispers back, Briar barely hearing her. "Like, super nervous. Kept throwing up this morning nervous."

Oh no. "I'll do my best to keep people's stupidity to a minimum." Briar promises, biting her lip as she watches her friend up there. She forgot how bad Callie does with public speaking.

Callie pulls up the right picture, everyone murmuring in shock at the patient's disfigured legs. Briar's sympathy extends as Callie mumbles too quietly for anyone to hear her, and then when her voice shakes as she speaks up. She ends up holding Alex's hand for support when the secondhand embarrassment gets too hard to handle.

✦

"Oh shit, it's Webber." Briar whispers, sitting straight up and nudging Alex. They all watch as Dr. Webber makes his way to the stage, all interested in what advice their previous Chief has for them. "This is going to be good. He always has the best advice. And the best speeches, Derek should really take note."

"Callie should take note." Alex whispers, Briar nudging him even though she agrees.

Dr. Webber clears his throat at the front of the room, Briar instantly shutting up. "Um. . . good–good morning." Okay, maybe he's being more like Callie today. "Once upon a time, long before I was Chief of surgery, even before I was an attending, I was a resident right here at Seattle Grace, just like you."

"You learn from everything in your residency–the patients, the nurses, the attendings. But you don't realize how much you learn from each other." He continues. Briar smirks and leans in to whisper to Alex: "I'm sure you've learned a lot from me, too bad I can't say that about you."

"Shut up." He mumbles, making Briar shake with silent laughter.

"1982–you were all in diapers." He says, before going on to talk about Meredith's mother. "Dr. Ellis Grey– 2-time Harper Avery award winner and my colleague on this case–a case that changed my life. Look around." He tells them, and Briar does so, grinning at Avery behind her and ignoring Lexie sitting next to him. "The biggest influences in your life are sitting next to you right now."

Briar can't help but smile at Alex. He's certainly the biggest influence in her life, and she finds she can't even make fun of him at the moment. He smiles back, and she puts her head back on his shoulder and hand back in his, smiling when he leans over and kisses her head. They're not normally this way in public, not wanting to deal with false rumors and drama, but Briar finds herself not caring about what anyone else thinks anymore.

If they'll talk, let them.

"The late Dr. Ellis Grey was known as a groundbreaker, a lion." Briar smiles at that, looking over to Meredith, who seems to be latched onto Dr. Webber's speech. "She was the best this hospital or most hospitals had ever seen. But back then, she was known as "sugar" or "nurse" or nothing at all."

Briar gives Alex a pointed look, remembering that he'd called Meredith a nurse at the beginning of their internship, and he just grimaces back at her. The parallels are interesting to Briar. She wonders if Meredith is thinking of the same thing she is, and wonders what else she had in common with her mother.

✦

Callie drops her notecards, the room laughing, and Briar can't watch any longer.

Jackson very loudly fakes sleeping and waking up with a jump. Briar laughs quietly before stopping abruptly when Arizona turns around.

"Just talk!" Arizona yells out to her girlfriend. Briar grimaces at the way Callie looks, on her knees up there as she frantically gathers the cards. This is truly painful to witness.

"Hmm?" Callie asks.

"Just. . . tell us what happened." Arizona clarifies, Briar nodding her head and hoping she looks encouraging instead of horrified.

"Okay." Callie says softly, gathering herself and slowly standing up, holding onto the desk for dear life. "Um, there was, uh, this patient."

"Good start, Callie." Briar whispers, crossing her fingers that this will go well from here.

"He wanted to get his clubfoot fixed. But I had a different idea."

Callie shakes so badly that Briar just wants to give her a hug. And get her off of that stage.

✦

"Single most important step in the treatment process–anyone?" Dr. Bailey calls out, Arizona's hand shooting up in the air.

"Physical exam." Jackson calls out.

"No. No chocolate for you." Dr. Bailey dismisses his idea, making Briar turn and boo him. "Well, then, Dr. Sinclair, if you're so confident: what is it?"

"Patient history!" Briar calls out, smirking at Jackson as she answers. Dr. Bailey had stressed that constantly while they were her interns.

"Thank you! Catch!"

"Yes! Chocolate!" Briar cheers, doing a little dance in her seat after she catches it. "Oh I needed this. Dr. Bailey, I love you!"

"I don't know if I like this cheerful version of you." Dr. Bailey tells her. Briar just giggles before munching happily on the chocolate.

"I don't either." Lexie mumbles, once again getting ignored by Briar.

Briar is too focused on Dr. Bailey's speech, wanting to get every question right. She'll deal with whatever mocking comments people–Lexie–make, so long as she's gifted as much chocolate as possible.

✦

"We're not allowed to beat you with sticks." Dr. Webber says lightly, making Briar grin. "So we punish you with scut." He gives them a minute to get their laughter out of the way, all of them having had at least one moment where they were punished that way. It's part of being an intern.

"We do it today, and they did it back in my day. Dr. Grey and I did mountains of scut. Testing tissue samples was boring, but it's how we found out our patient had a fungus called cryptococcus. We asked his girlfriend to step out because we knew we were gonna have to ask some pretty uncomfortable questions. We suspected he might have G.R.I.D. Does anyone know what G.R.I.D. is?"

Briar's hand shoots into the air, along with Lexie's.

"AIDS." They both answer at the same time, neither of them looking at each other. If this had happened even less than a week ago, they would be grinning, high-fiving, just generally happy about it. Now, they're too annoyed with each other to even make eye contact.

"That's right. But in 1982, it was known as gay-related immune deficiency."

Briar frowns to herself, thinking back to all the research she's done on the disease. It's been one that she's kept a focus on ever since she discovered that she liked both men and women and started doing research into her community. Unfortunately, AIDS is a disease with a long history of misinformation surrounding it.

"This was early 1982." Dr. Webber sets the scene for them. Briar watches his every movement, even more interested than she was before. "We hadn't seen a case in Washington state, ever. San Francisco only had five cases. We didn't know what it was, and because it was isolated to the gay community, the government wasn't funding research. Does anyone know when the HIV retrovirus was finally discovered?"

"Uh, 1983, but there wasn't a test for it until '85." Cristina answers before Briar can.

"That's right. It was so new that even our attending didn't know how to handle it."

✦

"Successes or failures, which teaches you more?" Dr. Bailey calls out, Jackson answering instantly.

"Failures!"

"Yeah, but that was a gimmie. Don't get too cocky." She tells him as she tosses him a piece of chocolate. Briar twists around to stick her tongue out at him, impossibly smug.

"The patient was discharged, and a month later, she was back in the E.R. in the middle of the night. She had right lower quadrant pain, fever, vomiting–symptoms consistent with?"

"Appendicitis!" Meredith and Briar shout, giving each other smiles.

"Aha! You get a chocolate, and you get a chocolate, 'cause that's what I thought!" Dr. Bailey tosses two of them out. Briar catches her second one, winking at an annoyed looking Alex as she rips the wrapper open. "But don't eat it yet. Pay attention."

Briar freezes, looking guiltily up at Dr. Bailey with the chocolate held up to her mouth.

"I diagnosed Alicia with appendicitis. And Dr. Webber decided that that appy was going to be my first solo surgery." Ah, Briar remembers her first solo appy. What a rush.

✦

"I didn't want to close, but we had to." Callie is mumbling, her voice quiet as she shuffles her feet. "So we took the patient to surgery again, and . . . wait, no. Hang on." She rushes to check her notes as Arizona turns to look at Alex.

"You were there. Help her." She pleads quietly, making Alex lean forward.

"That's when we saw the dude do the thing with his foot!" He prompts Callie, who looks up. "You know. . ."

Briar smiles to herself, loving getting to watch Alex help her out.

✦

"No surgeon likes giving up on a patient." Dr. Webber says, Briar nodding at that. "Dr. Grey and I liked it even less than most. But when a patient refuses treatment, you're done. I mean, we were done. Well, that's what we thought anyhow."

It is one of the worst feelings, not being able to help a patient. Briar has had quite a few resist treatment and sign AMA's, and it never gets any easier.

"Hell, we weren't noble. We were just more arrogant than the rest. And had more to prove. We knew what we were doing was risky. These days we know that AIDS transmission requires exchanges of bodily fluids. Back then, we had no idea. Can you get it from casual contact, from the air, from surgery? No idea."

✦

"A healthy appendix! The third surgery for this patient with unrelentless abdominal pain, fatigue and muscle pain. Now what?" Dr. Bailey asks them, the room bursting into suggestions.

"Test for zebra's!" Cristina throws out there, getting a chocolate.

"Do an A.N.A for lupus." Meredith suggests, followed by Jackson suggesting they test for lead.

"Hemochromatosis?" Briar adds on, going over the symptoms in her head. She receives her third chocolate. Not that anyone's counting or anything.

"Good, good. See? Sometimes i-it's not easy. Sometimes you have to be your patient's advocate and push to get things done."

✦

"We'd hit a wall." Callie explains, "And, um."

"We planned a number of procedures." Alex reminds her.

"But, um, uh, but then. . ."

"But then I gave you that rousing pep talk." Alex continues for her, making Briar laugh. She's been on the receiving end of quite a few of Alex's pep talks. They're hit or miss.

"You know what? You totally did." Callie agrees, laughing with the group this time. Briar smiles, seeing the way she seems more confident now that she's focusing on talking with Alex, not on her audience.

"We spent days trying to make things right, trying to figure out the best strategy." Callie continues, sitting down on the edge of the stage. She does much better with talking now that it's a more casual environment. "So we, uh, we researched and, uh, practiced and practiced, and. . . eventually, we were ready."

✦

"What was the result?" Meredith asks Dr. Bailey. "Did she test positive for hemochromatosis?"

"Nope."

"What about lyme disease?" Cristina suggests.

"Lyme disease–negative. Celiac disease–negative. Every test I could think of–negative. So I did what I've told you all to do when you get stuck. I went to the library and I hit the books. I hit 'em hard. All my research didn't help. Dr. Baylow sent the patient home. So I thought she'd won. I thought, you know, maybe I wasn't cut out for this game. But a couple of months later. . ."

She goes on to explain how her patient returned, being relieved to see Dr. Bailey, a familiar face that listened to her concerns.

"So you canceled your resident's surgery?" Lexie asks, sounding impressed. "Isn't that a little bold?"

"Well, she was worried about adhesions, right?" Cristina asks, before standing up with her arms out. "Give me candy!"

Dr. Bailey laughs at her, shaking her head. "No adhesions, no candy. And it wasn't bold, Grey, it was stupid. But in this case, it was also necessary."

As Dr. Bailey lists off the symptoms again, Briar's head shoots up.

"Oh my God!"

"What?" Alex asks her, while Jackson leans forward to ask the same thing. Briar just shakes her head, her eyes wide as she looks at a smirking Dr. Bailey.

"I see Dr. Sinclair figured it out."

"Figured what out?" Cristina asks impatiently, while Briar looks to Dr. Bailey, wondering if she wants her to say it. She doesn't want to steal her moment. She gets a nod and a proud smirk, turning to face her fellow residents.

"Porphyria." She says, cheering when Dr. Bailey starts tossing her chocolates, getting a whole handful for making the diagnosis. She looks over to where Derek is sitting, grinning at her, and sends him a delighted smile. She'll gladly sit through many more of these lectures.

✦

"We did a series of shorter surgeries so his lungs and heart could withstand the anesthesia." Callie explains more, Briar having a distant recollection of Alex telling her about this. "It was grueling for the patient, but worth it in the end."

"Show 'em the x-rays." Alex suggests, exciting Callie, who rushes back to her feet.

"Oh, yeah!" She gushes. "So cool. Okay, um, these are the before. . . and these are the after." The room claps at the differences in the two scans. Briar grins over at a proud looking Alex.

"Yeah, it was. . . it was amazing." Callie admits, letting out a beautiful laugh, while Briar leans forward more to get a closer look at the scans. That's so fascinating. . . she's been on Callie's service more lately, and she's gotten more interested than she expected to be in ortho. "I mean, after the final surgery, we were just . . . and, uh, we celebrated that night. Man, did we ever celebrate."

"Ew." Briar whispers to Alex, who is pointedly looking away from Arizona. He just nudges her, the two of them joining the room in clapping and cheering.

"Go Cal!" Briar cheers, and then: "And Alex!"

✦

"Well, the patient survived the surgery." Dr. Webber informs them, although Briar doubts that his story had a happy ending. "But eight months later, he came back with P.C.P pneumonia. He died a week later. Dr. Grey and I. . . well, um, I won't speak for her. But I lost the sense that I was a superhero. And I really started to think of how dangerous it all was."

"It changes you. . . this work. Your patients, your colleagues. You change each other. You don't ever think you'll lose your way. But what happens in this hospital. . . just remember why you came here. You said it the day you graduated from med school. You took the physician's oath. Remember it. Tape it to your locker, to your bathroom mirror, 'cause it is too easy to lose your way."

The room is completely silent, everyone seeming to be holding their breaths, as Dr. Webber holds his right hand in the air.

"I solemnly pledge to consecrate my life to the service of humanity. I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude that is their due. I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity. The health of my patients will be my number one consideration. I will respect the secrets that are confided in me even after my patient has died. I will maintain, by all the means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession. My colleagues will be my sisters and brothers."

At that, she instinctively looks to Alex, the closest thing to a brother she has. He's already looking at her, and she can't resist leaning in and kissing him on his cheek. For once, he doesn't make a show of pretending to be too cool for it, leaning into the pressure. Afterwards, she looks behind her, making eye contact with Lexie. After a long moment, Lexie nods to her, Briar nodding back. They still need to have a long conversation, but. . . this is a start.

"I will not permit considerations of age, disease, or disability, creed, ethnic origin, gender, race, political affiliation, nationality, sexual orientation, social standing, or any other factor, to intervene between my duty and my patient."

"I will maintain the utmost respect for human life. I will not use my medical knowledge to violate human rights and civil liberties, even under threat. I make these promises solemnly, freely, and upon my honor."

Jackson is the one to clap first, Briar instantly joining him along with the rest of the room. She can't look away from her favorite teacher. She missed him being here, and so she doesn't hesitate to stand up with the entire room as they celebrate all that he stands for.

✦

"Briar, wait!" Two voices call for her as she's leaving the conference room, neither of them expected. She slowly turns, giving them a blank look, waiting for one of them to speak up.

"I, uh, can we–can we talk?" Lexie stumbles over her words.

"I don't know, Lexie, would a heartless, soulless monster talk it out?" She asks back, thinking about what she'd been calling her just a few hours ago. Lexie winces, looking genuinely sorry, and Briar fights back the urge to continue speaking. She's not the only one hurting right now, and Lexie is younger than her, more immature.

"Uh, I'll go." Jackson says awkwardly, making Briar's lips quirk up.

"What did you need?" She asks before he can escape, and he just shrugs.

"I was gonna see if you wanted to get a drink." He explains. Lexie is now the one looking awkward. Like she doesn't expect to be picked–like Briar didn't pick her to be her intern in the first place, and pick her time and time again after that.

"Raincheck." She tells him with a soft smile, feeling a sense of deja vu. They never got the do-over from the last time they agreed to a raincheck. Before he can walk away, she reaches out and grabs his forearm, pulling him to a stop. "Seriously, this time. We'll get drinks–maybe after the next shift? If we both get out at the same time."

"Okay." He agrees, smiling widely for a second before he dials it down. Briar is a little sad about that. "Okay. Uh, have a good night. Both of you."

Briar watches him go, and then turns to Lexie, who shuts her mouth when Briar shakes her head.

"Not here. The walls have ears." She says, and then looks her friend–because that's what they are, even now–over from head to toe. She looks tired. She's still gorgeous, despite that. "Come on, let's go home. Your roots are coming back in, so I'll re-dye your hair, and we can talk."

She links arms with the girl, tugging her along as they make conversation about the lecture. Briar wants an apology, and will make one of her own for not considering Lexie's feelings when agreeing to help her ex-boyfriend raise a baby. It's hard to be mad at her now though, when she was just reminded of an oath she took.

If Lexie isn't her sister, who is? If they can't count on each other, what can they count on?

✦

authors note:
i've never seen anyone write about this episode. i'm sure some people have, but it's not in the stories i've read, which is sad for me. i really like the episode. i think it's important for growth and understanding of these characters, especially richard and bailey. i'm a big fan of it.

also, oh my gosh, im cooking a pot roast right now and the smell is killing me. i want to eat it right now but it's still got a few hours left. that's the worst thing about crockpot cooking, having to wait for it to be done.

i had a blast writing this chapter, even if the constant time jumps made it a little difficult. please let me know if it's hard to understand!!

also, do you want the conversation between lexie & briar? i'll likely write it either way, but im unsure about adding it to the next chapter, so if anyone has strong feelings please comment :)

(might end up with a side book for this... i've been thinking of it as almost a one-shot book for briar: scenes from before season 6, and scenes cut from this book. if anyone has requests for certain scenes/episode's they'd want to see in that, let me know!!)