||CHAPTER 65||
《¤》

They were mine.

"Those photographs?" I managed to utter. "Were yours?"

I was gaping at him, of course I was a bit surprised. He loved travelling, and his wanderlust was the only thing I knew about him.

"I don't want what Dad wants from us Vika, I just... I just can't do this anymore."

I wasn't foolish enough to advice him to go and talk about it with Dad, it didn't take a genius to know what would happen.

"And the worst part, you know Vika, like the really brutal part of it? He knows, he fucking knows about what I want, but he simple doesn't care!"

An octave higher, and a little shaky at the end. He was close to letting go, close to crying. I didn't do hugs, and I most probably didn't do emotions, but Arnav needed my support right now. It wasn't a race anymore. It was a struggle. Even if we weren't in it together, we could be there for each other.

Voluntarily, I hugged him, tightly. "There must be a way, Arnav. Kuchh na kuchh nikal ayega."

"That's the thing, Vika," he whispered, so softly that I almost missed it, "There is a way. And what scares me the most... is that I might just take it."

"Her Dad is sponsoring the stay, seriously?"

"Girl, not just that. It's one of their newest conquered hotels, I heard."

"So, what now? That bitch gets the penthouse suite while we have to share with two other people?"

"Probably, or maybe we can befriend her for the time-being, you know what I mean?"

They giggled, and I drowned their voiced by flushing. It was a fool-proof plan, but they should have at least checked whether the walls had ears or not.

I stood inside for a moment, and heard another cubicle door open, and the giggles turning into tense whispers. Ishita must have had come out first.

"Hey Ishika," one of them said, "Is it true that Arvika Deewan's Dad is sponsoring the stay in Udaipur?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" She replied, obviously pissed off. "And before you actually try buttering her, at least get her best friend's name right, you buttheads!"

She stormed off, and I opened the door to my cubicle. "Ishita. Her name's Ishita," I addressed them, before running off after the person in question.

She had disappeared into thin air, nowhere in sight. Running past the throng of students in the hallway and past our empty classroom, my search was vain.

"Cardio in the afternoon, Diwani?"

Mickey surprised me. For once, he was in his classroom, and called out to me when I was running past it.

"Have you seen Ishita?"

"Your sidekick? Nah," he got bored of me, returning to the notebook he was studying from? Was the Shimla camp really so effective?

"Are you not gay anymore?" I asked before I could filter it.

"This," he pointed annoyingly to his desk, "is just for show. To get my parents off my back, and now if you keep on saying that out loud, let me remind you gays can strangle you to death just as well as straights can."

I nodded at him, slowly, backing out of the classroom, "Yeah, cool, see you around."

It wasn't until I reached the second floor that I finally spotted her, sitting alone on the stairs. This was usually the place Armaan spent his lunch, but he was absent today.

"Ishita?" I wrapped my skirt around my knees before sitting beside her. "What's wrong?"

It had been five days now that she had been acting queasy around me. Since the whole group had been acting queasy.

"Nothing," she croaked. "I just... ye exams itne saare eksaath, and I know I'm not doing well- just the normal clichè eleventh standard hormones."

I wanted to point out that we did not have any exams in the past few days, but I didn't. She'd come around, yeah, she would.

"You don't believe me, do you?" She looked up at me when I didn't say anything. I shook my head in response.

"Ishita... I-"

She stood up before I could come up with a proper answer. "I can't even fucking lie properly!" She was running downstairs, and I got up to follow her, but she came to halt midway. Ritwik and Vansh were coming upstairs.

Something passed between Ishita and Vansh, but the look she gave disappeared too quickly for me to decipher, and she continued on her way. But that didn't make me feel as twitchy as the pitiful look that Ritwik gave me did.

"Can someone please tell me kya ho raha hai? What the fuck happened to you guys while I was away?"

Vansh didn't look at me, and Ritwik didn't look away from me. "She must be on her periods or something," Vansh muttered before walking past me and going upstairs.

They were not going to tell me. For the first time, not being involved and being an outsider to this set of people actually hurt.

"You didn't have your lunch na," Ritwik took my hand in his, squeezing it. It was supposed to feel reassuring. "Let's go and get you something to eat. They are serving muffins today, which you are going to give to me anyways, and I'll fill you in on my love life featuring a particular Easton High girl."

"You were absent yesterday," I said, walking with Armaan to the nearest Kawfee and Koolfi Cafe after school got over the next day. Being surrounded by my friends led to an unsettling feeling that I couldn't get over.

"Yeah... Abbu is sick, I had to take him to the doctor. Please... don't ask why, or what happened to him."

I watched him hold onto the handles of his cycle loosely. Strangely enough, I could understand. I don't know how, but I felt it.

"Will you be coming for the trip?" I asked instead. "It's educational, and secret has it that it's going to be Udaipur."

He scoffed, "The school can never keep anything a secret. And no, I'd rather study during that break. Mai tum logo jaisa ameer nahi hu, nor can I afford losing time."

"The amount of hatred you actually have for rich people makes me wonder if we're even friends sometimes," I rolled my eyes.

"Maine pehele hi kaha tha," he shrugged, parking his cycle outside the Cafe, "Tu hi mere peeche pad gayi thi. Desperate kahiki."

That got him a playful hit on his shoulder, and he laughed it off.

After we sat on a table with our Falooda Mugs, he opened his bag and fished out a book. "I know you can cover it up on Khan Academy, but... this might be helpful. I've finished the sums, and they are beginner level, so this will be easy."

I looked at him warily, not knowing whether to feel grateful or angry. "I was talking about the trip but you'd rather give me blip?"

He chuckled, slurping soundly. "At least now I know ki teri vocabulary terey Maths se behtar hai."

"Do you have any idea tu kitna offensive baath karta hai? Why am I even treating you?"

"You watch Korean drama till two in the morning. Ussey zyada kuch offensive nahi ho sakta!"

"Dude, tujhe pehele dekhna chahiye. Watch just one episode, of Pinocchio or The Heirs, and then tu ye bakwas bolke dikha."

He gave me a smile, and it was genuine this time.

"What?" I asked.

One thing I knew about him, was that he would never hide what was on his mind. "You used to rant about your Daadi watching those daily soaps."

It would be wrong to say I never thought about her, because that was impossible. But I tried to remember the good moments with her, which actually were all the moments I spent with her.

"Are you okay, Arvika? I'm sorry if I-"

"No-no, it's okay, I'm okay I guess," I reassured him. Break, I needed a break. "I just... miss her. I know it'd sound clichè, but I didn't even get to say good bye. Maybe it's better this way? Because there was nothing good about it. I want her back, Armaan."

Looking at him reminded me of the stereo system he had repaired for Daadi. It reminded me of the night we danced to her favourite melodies, the time we belched out wrong lyrics, the afternoons I laid beside her, listening her hum, and sometimes her giving me anecdotes of memories she had attached to the songs. She wasn't my confidante, but I had confided a lot of feelings in her.

It hurt even more to think that she did not have a room in the new house, that her favourite stereo now rested in the store room, yet again.

May be Dad was right. This house had no memories of her, this house didn't hold them as a leverage.

And maybe, just maybe, I needed a break. 

_____

Namoshtaii!

So this is the time I finally tell you that you guys can expect frequent updates. Dil Jaanta Hai may be over by the next week, and I have been preparing myself for it, trying to rather. I'm scared, I am tensed, I'm excited. Also, I apologise for not responding to your messages and DMs the past month. I'm gonna go do that right now.

Now that I have literally 'study-related' things to do, and no guilt for wasting my time to succumb to, my parents are busying me by making me clean the windows and water the plants and wow, why am I not complaining? What did you guys do during your vacation? 

Also, the Jolly Bua of my life got me The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy and The Hungry Tide by Amitav Ghosh AND I AM EXCITEDDDD! Have you guys read it? What are your thoughts on the book?

Anyways, read, vote, comment, promote!

~chaashnee