"Hey, Raph?" Leonardo calls, heading into the dojo.

Raphael tenses at the sound of his brother's voice. The dojo is a mess, the weapons rack toppled over and one of his sai lodged in the far wall, and it took all of Raphael's self-control to stop from going so wild that he'd cause damage to Splinter's shelf of memories.

He looks over his shoulder as Leonardo approaches, his expression concerned yet understanding. As he starts to open his mouth, Raphael turns, stopping him.

"No," Raphael growls, pointing back towards the door. "Don't even try. I'm not in the mood for your...big brother-ness, or whatever."

Leonardo rolls his eyes as he carefully steps over some of the fallen weapons. "Mikey wasn't trying to be mean," he starts. "He's just a little—"

"Idiotic?" Raphael mutters.

"I was going to say giddy," he corrects. "He was excited about Annalise replying to him, and he didn't think."

Raphael huffs and kicks a loose bō staff across the room. "Yeah, that's the damn problem."

His chest aches, and no matter what he punches, it doesn't go away. It'd be easier if he didn't have a heart. At least then, he wouldn't feel anything. Instead, he's feeling everything far too much, never able to move on.

"Talk to me, Raph," Leonardo says. When Raphael doesn't answer, fists shaking at his sides, Leonardo's lips purse. "It...looked like you were feeling better. You were acting more like yourself again, and then, suddenly, you were..." He gestures vaguely at Raphael and the dojo.

Raphael sucks in a deep breath and tries to relax his shoulders. "I just..." He stops, hating the way his throat tightens, choking his voice. "I can't stop thinking about her. No matter what I do, she's..."

He growls and grips his head for a moment, like he's fending off a headache. He can still picture her hazel eyes, her lovely light brown skin and thick, dark hair with the dyed red ends. He swears he can smell her shampoo if he thinks about it too much.

"It's like she won't leave me alone," he whispers. He looks up at Leonardo, hating how weak every part of him feels. "I feel crazy."

Leonardo lets out a soft hum and nods, crossing his arms over his chest. There's melancholy in his eyes, carefully hidden longing. "I get it."

Raphael sighs again as he stoops to pick up some of the fallen weapons. It gives him something to do, a reason not to look Leonardo in the eye.

"Did something happen? Did she reach out?" Leonardo asks, words careful.

Raphael's hand stills around a naginata. "When I went out on solo patrol the other night, I saw her coming out of the Argosy." He shakes his head, lips pressing together in a wobbly line. "She was with some...some guy. They were smiling, laughing, the whole thing. She's moved on."

Leonardo picks up the empty rack and sets it back up, starting to rearrange the fallen weapons on it as Raphael hands them over. "You broke up...sort of."

"We weren't together."

"So, do you blame her? She couldn't stay hung up on you forever."

"I don't want her to move on," he admits. "I want..." He hates saying it out loud, but it slips out before he thinks too much. "I want her to hurt like I'm hurting."

"Come on, you don't mean that, Raph."

"If she's moving on and I'm still stuck on her, then it means—" He grits his teeth, fists shaking again. The kama in his hand suddenly seems very, very breakable, and he watches as it starts to bend in his hands, wood creaking. "It means I loved her more than she ever loved me, and I fucking hate it!"

The kama snaps, splintering in his grip, and he curses as he tosses it to the ground and kicks the pieces away. Leonardo sets a pair of ono on the rack, a thoughtful look on his face. Raphael turns to him, his breath still huffing, still coiled like a spring under pressure.

"What, no sage wisdom from our fearless leader?" he snaps.

Leonardo just shakes his head. "Even if I did, it won't magically erase everything. It doesn't work like that," he murmurs. He dares to approach, resting one hand on Raphael's shoulder and squeezing. "But...you'll be okay, Raph. In time. Let yourself feel things, but let yourself heal, too."

If it were anyone other than Leonardo, maybe Raphael wouldn't take it seriously, but his brother's words are genuine and, of all of them, he's the only one who's come close to knowing what Raphael is feeling right now.

Still, Raphael scoffs, brushing his well-meaning hand off of him. "Even when you 'don't have advice,' you manage to pull something out of your shell."

"It's one of my many skills," Leonardo replies with a small smirk. "As for Mikey, if he teases you again, just try and drop it. Lashing out isn't going to do anything for anyone."

"He shouldn't joke about it."

"He shouldn't, but I'm sure he knows that now." He pauses. "You know, he was just trying to cheer you up. Make light of a bad situation, you know?"

Raphael crosses his arms over his chest and shoots a glare at the wall. "Well, there are tons of other things he could do instead of mentioning her. Maybe try to actually be funny. He...isn't always bad at that."

"I know, but Mikey is..."

"Mikey."

"Yeah."

After a second or two, Leonardo scoops up the last weapon and sets it neatly in its spot on the rack. Although it's a few weapons less than before, it manages to look like Raphael's rampage never touched it. Leonardo lingers by them, hand grazing the hilt of his katanas.

"So, are we gonna spar with or without weapons?" he asks. Raphael raises an eye-ridge and Leonardo shoots him a smirk that's fraught with challenge. "Come on, man. I know you've still got some feelings to let out, and I'd rather you beat on me than our poor, helpless dojo."

Raphael catches a smile starting to build as he cracks his knuckles. "No weapons. We fight like men."

Leonardo steps away from the wall and easily falls into a ready pose. "I'm ready when you are."

----------

Michelangelo lingers outside the dojo, listening while Leonardo and Raphael trade blows, his stomach twisted in knots. The plate of pizza on his lap seems like such a stupid attempt at a peace offering now. If he could offer anything, it'd be some kind of mind wipe like in plenty of his sci-fi comics, something that would wipe away all of Raphael's pain with a flash.

All he has is a few slices of pepperoni with extra cheese, and no cure for heartbreak. All he did was cause more hurt.

Michelangelo backs away from the dojo, heart heavy. He scolds himself internally as he shuffles back to his room, unable to face his brother. He should've known better, but it's like Raphael said. He doesn't think, and that's the problem. Sometimes, he really feels like the idiot everyone thinks he is.

In his room, he flops onto his bed and stares up at the action figures on his shelf. After a second, he grabs his t-phone. He has one of Annalise's videos paused on the screen, a favourite of his that he watches when he's feeling down. She smiles up at him in a way that makes his stomach untwist and flood with butterflies. She's radiant.

"You'd understand me. You...you wouldn't think I'm stupid," he mumbles. "Wouldn't you?"

The blonde trapped behind the screen doesn't respond. He presses play and she jumps back to life. Her eyes seem to brighten as she makes a wacky family on The Sims 4, making sure that each one is unique, and explaining backstories that she's come up with for each of them. None of them are normal, just like people, and that's okay.

"And you know what? You're the only you that there is, and if you is normal, you is boring." She giggles and Michelangelo's heart soars.

He's overcome with the desperate urge to hug her, like if he could just reach through the screen, then everything would feel better. He could hold her close and tell her just how much she means to him, how her videos make him feel better when nothing else will, and how she is, in a way, his hero.

But that can never happen, because she doesn't know that he exists, and if she saw him in real life, she would be scared of him, just like every other human that he's ever met.

He sighs, curling up on his side and tugging his blanket over him. He props his phone up, watching as she keeps playing. He falls asleep to the lullaby of her laughter.

He wakes to the ping of a notification.

He blinks, rubbing his eyes as he sits up. His phone screen glows, the notification letting him know that DeepFriedDonutLisey just uploaded a new video. His heart leaps. She usually doesn't post this early.

He grabs his phone, wincing at the brightness as he unlocks it, half convinced that he's dreaming.

But there it is. A beautiful, rare upload on this beautiful, wonderful morning, titled, "Contest Announcement: Could you be one of the LUCKY ONES?!"

He can't hit the video fast enough. He intro plays, a happy little piano number followed by a pink sprinkle donut icon bouncing next to her username in curly script. Annalise appears and waves at the camera.

"Hello, and welcome back to the Donut Box. As always, I'm Lisey, and I know this isn't my usual upload time, but...I couldn't wait!" She does jazz hands as a graphic of confetti pops across the screen. "I might be just a bit too excited, if that's even a possibility."

Michelangelo watches with wide, sparkling eyes. He saw the title of the video, but he can't wait to hear her explain it from her own mouth.

"Sorry, I don't have a cool name cooked up for it," she says with a shrug. "But, considering I hit 10k subscribers a few months ago, it's high time for a celebration. I'm going to be selecting 23 random winners to join me in a Minecraft Hunger Games video on my server! If you want to enter, click the link down below. More instructions over there." Arrows pop up on the screen that mirror where she's pointing, down to the info box below the screen. "I'll be announcing winners by this Friday, November 7, at 8:30 p.m. EDT, so go go go!"

Michelangelo might scream, but he'd rather not tick his family off again. Annalise's subscribers have been begging to play with her on her Minecraft servers, and now she's actually opening it up to a select few? He pinches himself, just in case he's still dreaming, but nope! He's still very much awake.

He scrolls to the link and clicks it. It opens another website with a few questions on it and the promised instructions. Heart pounding, he types out his answers as fast as he can. If he can't meet her in real life, playing a video game with her is the next best thing.