Chapter 8

The lights were on in the trailer. That wasn't a good sign. It meant Kyle had come over after work and found me missing. It meant he hadn't gone home, and was waiting for me to return, shitting his pants wondering where in the hell I was.

He jumped from the couch the instant I opened the door. "What the fuck, Joy?"

"Sorry. I went to see Reto."

"With the meth guy?" He flung a hand toward the window. His hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot, and he was still wearing his work uniform.

"He isn't a meth guy," I said. "He just happens to live where the guy used to make meth."

"Sounds like a meth guy to me? Seriously, Joy? The guy looks like a psycho, and he made it clear we weren't welcome. I told you I had us, and you said no more Johns."

"He isn't a John."

"His name is literally John!"

"He's a cop."

Kyle froze. Silence stretched. "What do you mean?" His voice was hushed, like he thought John would somehow overhear.

Instead of answering, I closed the space between us and collapsed into him. The night before, he'd been passed out, and this morning, he'd gone without waking me. He had no idea how much had happened. How much had changed.

Mama had been gone for years, but knowing she was dead was different. Too final. The girl I was didn't exist without her, and she was never coming back. Mama would never return and fix it. I wouldn't wake one day and find all of this had been a terrible nightmare. I'd never hear her voice. I'd never smell her perfume. I'd never feel her embrace, warm and comforting and genuine.

Now, Kyle was all I had left. I clung his shirt tighter and bit back a sob. He still smelled like cleaner, hotdogs, and cigarettes from his shift at the truck stop.

The scent hit me like a parasite, nibbling at my brain before it broke through uninvited. That was the smell I'd recognized. The faceless man. I took a step back as my mind sprinted.

"Joy?" Kyle's eyebrows lowered. "What happened?"

"Did you tell anyone at work that we were saving up to leave?" I asked.

He hesitated, blinked, seeming to think. "I mean, kind of? Not so much the money, but I talked about leaving with Seth a few times." His eyes narrowed, shifted, as if his mind had fallen down the same rabbit hole mine had. "You think—"

"Was he the only person you told?" Seth was a quiet guy, barely awake on the rare occasions I'd gone in to buy snacks. I'd only ever picked up apathy from him. Never any aggression, but who knew? Anyone could be a monster if they were desperate enough.

Kyle nodded slowly. "I'm pretty sure."

"Was he at work today?"

"This morning. You really think it was him?"

It didn't sit right, but I wasn't sure why. The only way to know for sure was to go ask him. "When does he work next?"

Kyle shrugged. "Not sure. I'll check the schedule in the morning."

"Do you know where he lives?"

Kyle shook his head.

I sighed and took a seat on the couch, burying my head into my hands. I couldn't stand to hope I'd get the money back, but the possibility taunted me. I imagined Seth, with his pale blonde curls and boyish face. His slim build. It was hard to imagine he'd been so strong, but the dark and disorientation made my memory unreliable.

"We'll find out." Kyle sat down and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his embrace.

I nodded against his side, allowing him to soothe me. Quiet settled, and we sat like that for what felt like ages but couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes. The only sound was the humming of the refrigerator and my thoughts.

"The neighbor's really a cop?" Kyle asked softly.

"Yeah," I answered in the same tone.

Kyle huffed. "He doesn't look like any cop I've ever seen. Is that why you were talking to him? Because of the robbery?"

A tear rolled down my cheek. I wished that was why. I'd relive that night a million times if God would just undo what'd happened to Mama. She'd gotten it so much worse.

"Hey." Kyle hugged me tighter. "Please tell me what happened." He sounded so lost, so torn.

I'd cried less than a handful of times in our life together. The last one being when Mama left. Even then, I hadn't sobbed like this. So hard no sound could escape, choking, shaking.

Kyle made shushing sounds against my hair, rocked me like a child. "I'm here. It's alright. Everything is going to be okay."

"She's dead," I rasped.

He stopped moving. He was silent so long, I thought he hadn't heard me. "Who's dead?"

"Mama. Someone killed her. That's why John is here. He's investigating her murder."

"He said that?"

"No." The memory of her image flashed like gunfire. "I found a picture of her." I clenched my eyes shut, gritted my teeth. "She was. . .she was mutilated."

Kyle swallowed. "You mean—"

"She didn't leave," I said. "All this time, I've been hating her, and the whole time, she's been lying somewhere rotting." My words jumbled together until even I could barely understand them.

Kyle released a shaky breath, then I could feel him start to speak several times. But there was nothing to say. It was too hard to believe. Impossible to accept. Like the sun had disappeared, or the moon crashed into the earth. Catastrophic. Devastating. Unsurvivable. How had life gone on without her?

"Does he have any idea who did it?" Kyle asked.

"He didn't even know who she was," I said. "She's been a Jane Doe, Kyle. Just an unnamed victim with no family looking for her. Why didn't I look for her?" My voice broke again.

Kyle hugged me closer and kissed my head. "You were just a kid, Joy. We both were."

"If I was old enough to take on her clients, then I was old enough to figure out where she'd gone. I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have just given up and assumed the worst."

But I hadn't assumed the worst, had I? The truth was something I couldn't have conjured in my worst nightmares.

"I'm going to find whoever did it," I said, more to myself than him. "I'm going to make him pay."

Kyle didn't respond. He knew I didn't need meaningless words. What I needed was exactly what he was offering. The thud of his heart in my ear. The warmth of his presence; the security in his arms. I let him rock me, focusing on the steady thump, thump, thump, letting it lull into a world where I could almost pretend nothing else existed.

I closed my eyes, then a second later, I was awoken to a dark room. Kyle prompted me up, then led me down the hall and into bed. We lay together, like we had when we were small, and he'd sneak over to avoid his stepdad. I couldn't help but feel like we were still those two kids, shunned by everyone except for each other.

I held him close, my hand on his chest. My best friend. My family. And for the first time, I wasn't sure I could follow through with the threats I'd made to God. Not if it meant abandoning him. "I love you," I whispered, but he'd already fallen asleep.

I'd tell him again in the morning, when I had John stop by the truck stop on the way to church. I'd accepted too much for too long. I wasn't a girl anymore. I would not sit with this. Wouldn't stand for it. Not again. I wanted answers, and if it was the last thing I did, I would get them.

Hope you enjoyed! I'm banging these out on a tight schedule, so please bare with me lol. I keep reminding myself that this is a first draft. But! I'm totally into where it's going, even if I'm sure I'll revise the hell out of it later 💀 Thanks for reading! ❤️