Summary: Mal loves him, he knows she does, but why she isn't as excited about their engagement as he is, Ben can't be sure. At least, not until he accidentally overhears Mal telling Evie something he probably wasn't meant to hear. Even if he hadn't known the Isle was a terrible place, he's pretty sure now there's no way he'll forget.

Trigger Warning: mentions of past assault/rape.

Ben woke up to an empty room. A couple of months ago, that wouldn't have bothered him, but he distinctly remembered falling asleep with Mal in his arms so why she was gone, he had no idea. He'd actually figured she'd sleep in considering they were up late last night for their engagement party and Mal had offered to help clean up afterward. They hadn't gone back to Ben's room until well past midnight and Mal was always looking for a reason to sleep in. She could, of course, be in the bathroom, but the door was wide open and the light was off. Besides, her side of the bed was cold so he knew she'd been gone for a while.

Frowning, Ben climbed out of his bed and quickly dressed. He didn't bother going downstairs to get breakfast, deciding he'd wait until after finding Mal to eat. A thorough search of the east wing where his room was revealed she was nowhere nearby. He was about to start worrying before remembering Evie, Jay, and Carlos now resided in the west wing of the palace and she had likely gone to find one of them. If he had to guess, he'd assume she'd go to Evie, so he made his way across the palace to her room.

Evie's door was cracked, something he knew she did so that no one felt like they couldn't come visit. At first, Ben had been confused by the strange explanation, but Mal pulled him aside later and explained how Carlos absolutely would not knock on a door, so leaving it cracked allowed him to either walk-in or yell before walking in. Ben hadn't asked anything after that.

Now, though, the cracked door allowed him to hear Mal talking to Evie quietly. Most of her words were muffled, but if Ben really focused, he could hear what she was saying.

"—Evie? What if there's some magic rule that prevents it?"

Evie gently grabbed Mal's hand and Mal squeezed it back tightly. She'd been worried ever since waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. After the sun had risen, she'd given up on trying to sleep and wandered around the castle until she knew Evie would be awake.

"How would that even work, M?" Evie asked gently. Mal let out a frustrated groan and wiped at her face as more hot tears started down her cheeks.

"I don't know, but it could," she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in defeat. She sank down onto Evie's bed and grabbed one of the throw pillows. As soon as Evie sat down next to her, Mal dropped her head onto her shoulder. "I can't do this," she whispered, closing her eyes tightly and trying not to think. Right now, thinking would just bring more tears and she was tired of it.

"It's gonna be okay, Mal," Evie said, wrapping an arm around Mal's shoulders. "You don't have to tell Ben if you really don't want to. It's entirely your choice—"

"But it's not!" Mal cried, hugging the pillow tight. How could she make Evie understand that getting married meant things weren't entirely up to her anymore? She'd have to tell Ben eventually, she just hadn't realised that until after her nightmare. "Evie, if I don't, then I'd be lying to him. If I do," Mal paused and Evie's arm around her tightened. "If I do," she said softly, "then he might call off the wedding."

"I don't think he will," Evie tried to assure her.

Mal just shook her head and buried it in the throw pillow. Evie frowned and tried to comfort Mal, but she knew her friend was inconsolable. She would offer to tell Ben herself, but she didn't want Mal to avoid the topic entirely and it wasn't really her story to tell.

She was about to suggest asking Jay for advice since clearly she wasn't being very helpful, but someone knocked on her door.

Mal froze, not making a sound or moving her head from where it was buried in Evie's pillow. As Evie looked up from Mal to see who was at the door, her arm tightened around Mal. Ben slowly slipped into her room and gave her a small smile.

"Hey, I've been looking all over for you, Mal," he said softly. She didn't move from where she was hiding in the pillow and Ben looked concerned. "Is everything alright?"

"I know you heard," Evie said abruptly. She knew Mal did too. Blue and yellow weren't the best colours to wear when trying to eavesdrop on a conversation even if the door was mostly closed. Ben looked rightfully guilty at her accusation even if he didn't apologise.

"I was worried," he explained, not taking his eyes off Mal. She was wrapped in her purple robe and even if he couldn't see the colours from where he was standing, he knew she was also still wearing his old Tourney jersey.

"Worried fiancés don't eavesdrop," Evie said. She knew it wasn't true, but she wanted to make Ben feel bad just in case he really did get upset when Mal talked to him. He deserved it a little too after trying to listen in on their conversation.

"I'm sorry," Ben finally said.

Evie nodded and looked down at Mal who was still curled around her throw pillow and suspiciously still. It still worried her whenever Evie saw Mal sit so perfectly unmoving. While Evie knew Mal wasn't dead and was perfectly fine, she couldn't help but worry when it did happen.

A split second later, Mal moved and Evie let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Mal looked up, wiping her face once more before making eye contact with Ben.

The instant his eyes met hers, Ben felt his heart break a little. She was clearly very upset about something and even though Ben knew he should be more worried about her, he couldn't help but worry about what she needed to tell him. It couldn't be good news based on her current state, but that just made his mind run wild with assumptions. He was ashamed to admit most of his worries were selfish despite the fact Mal looked torn up over it herself.

"I should go, E," Mal said quietly, setting aside the throw pillow and scooting off the bed. She wiped at her face once more as she stood up, shaking her head when Evie offered her a hand.

"Alright, if you need anything at all," Evie said, hugging her tightly, "I'm here for comfort and Jay's right next door."

Over Mal's shoulder, she glared fiercely at Ben and he didn't need to ask what Jay would be needed for. The Isle kids relied more on each other than Ben had ever seen people do before. He doubted Mal would need to do more than breathe angrily in Ben's direction and Jay would be on him in a flash.

Mal nodded at Evie as she let her go then turned to face Ben. He offered her his hand which she took after only a second of hesitancy. Pulling her robe around her tighter, Mal let Ben lead her back across the palace to his room, not saying a word the entire time. As soon as they'd stepped in Ben's room and the door was shut, Mal dropped his hand.

"Mal, what's wrong?" he asked. It'd been killing him on the walk over, but he knew Mal wouldn't say anything if there was a chance someone could stumble into them in the halls. "You seemed so happy last night, what happened?"

"I had a nightmare," she said softly, wrapping her arms around herself. Ben knew better than to try and reach out to her when she did that; it was her way of saying she didn't want anyone to touch her at the moment and he'd learned the first time to respect that. Despite being off the Isle for multiple years, Mal still hadn't dropped some of her old habits.

"You should have woken me," Ben told her, wanting desperately to wrap her in his arms but refusing to ignore her boundaries.

Mal just nodded. He'd told her that before and most of the time she didn't need to wake him as he would be the one to wake her from them. When she didn't wake him in her sleep, it was usually up in the air as to whether or not she woke him. She would never tell him just how often she never woke him, but she had the strangest feeling she didn't need to for him to know.

"I needed time to process after this one," she explained. That didn't do anything but confuse Ben more, but he didn't say anything. She must have been able to tell he was confused because she clarified, "This one was real."

"A memory from the Isle?" Ben asked and Mal nodded.

She'd mentioned a couple of times that some of her nightmares were more like memories, twisted only slightly or (sometimes) not at all. The first time he'd asked what they were often about, she'd changed the subject. The second time, she'd admitted most of them had to do with her mother and refused to go into any more detail.

"I—" she cut herself off as she looked up at Ben before quickly averting her gaze. Ben tried not to think the worst, but he couldn't help his subconscious from running through all the possibilities.

Mal dug her fingernails into her arms, trying to keep herself from both breaking down and shutting down. Evie was right in saying she needed to tell Ben, Mal just wished it wasn't so difficult to get the words out. There wasn't any easy way to bring it up and she could see Ben panicking despite trying to hide it. If she didn't figure out a way to tell him now, she probably never would. Taking a risk, she decided to try and stall telling him the actual truth.

"Gaston used to live on the wharf and had a high command of the docks," she said quietly, looking at the floor as she spoke. She could tell she had his attention by the intake of breath she heard. Continuing to look at her bare feet, she said, "His territory was the one place my mother avoided and warned me to stay away from."

"I thought you and your mother ran the Isle," Ben said. Mal risked looking up at him and nodded. Her nails dug deeper into her skin before she took a breath to continue.

"One evening, she and I got into a nasty fight," Mal explained, keeping her eyes open and ignoring the images that flashed through her mind. She could still hear her mother shrieking at her as she threw anything nearby at her head. "I was sick of her, so I ran out of the house to escape and let my anger out on someone who couldn't hurt me as bad. I just wandered, I guess. I didn't even pay attention to where I was until I realised I was standing at the end of the wharf."

All too suddenly, Mal felt like she was back on the dark pier and Ben disappeared from her sight. She startled when she felt something touch her shoulder, nearly punching them in the throat. Luckily for both of them, Ben ducked before she could make contact and Mal's vision focused back to the present before she could try hitting him again. Once he was certain she wouldn't lash out at him, Ben took another step toward her and put his hand back on her shoulder. She was trembling and tears were once again forming in her eyes. Suddenly, Ben wasn't too sure he wanted to hear the rest of what she was going to tell him.

"I turned to leave, but Gaston was right behind me," she whispered. She still didn't know how she hadn't heard him behind her or where he'd come from, she just remembered feeling fear pool in her stomach as she looked up at the grin on his face.

She looked up at Ben as the memory flashing through her mind became too intense and she felt like running. His dark eyes were filled with worry, but she didn't want to look away. She hated pity, but looking up at Ben right now was the only thing keeping her from falling back into the nightmare that had been that night.

"You don't have to tell me, Mal," he said softly, reaching up slowly to brush the tears from her cheeks.

She closed her eyes and shook violently as she started to sob. Her arms fell from around her and Ben pulled her to his chest as quick as he could. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her head as she cried.

"He locked me in his house for two days," she choked out, gripping Ben's shirt tightly.

Tears started down Ben's face as well as he thought back to how violent he knew Gaston was. The thought of Mal being near anyone like him made Ben's stomach churn.

Mal didn't speak again for a while, letting herself cry until she didn't have the energy to do so any longer. She didn't pull away from Ben, though, choosing to stay wrapped tightly in his arms.

"Gil was the one to find me and let me out when he was out drinking," she whispered. Gil had never been a close friend before Auradon, but Mal had always felt sort of protective about the boy after hearing the rumours about how his family treated him. Protective seemed to be her go-to response when seeing a kid on the Isle who didn't deserve it. "He took me to Jay who later took me to Evie for help. Carlos is the only one who doesn't know, I think," Mal said, pulling back just enough to look up at Ben who still had tears on his face. Reaching up, she gently brushed them away and cupped his face in her hands. "I can't be the good and pure queen Auradon demands."

"Mal, if you think that's going to change my mind about marrying you, you're wrong," Ben said firmly, tightening his grip on her. Mal's face was blank, but he knew she wouldn't take his word that easily. "You're the love of my life. I'm horrified to know what Gaston did, but that doesn't change how I feel about you or what I think about you."

"It should."

"Why? Because you think Auradon needs a queen who's perfect?" Ben challenged. Mal recoiled, but Ben didn't let her go. Softening his voice, he said, "You've been through so much and while it's unfair and I don't know why you couldn't have had it easier, you're still who I want ruling beside me. You're the one I want helping me make the big decisions, the one who goes on boring business trips with me, and the one who stands beside me any time an official announcement needs to be made. Nothing you do and no one else's opinion can change that."

Mal stared at him for a moment, not seeming to notice as new tears started down her face. God, this was not how Ben had thought their first morning after the engagement party would go. The last thing he wanted to see was Mal crying in front of him with nothing he could do about it. He was about to suggest they disappear for a while and leave his parents in charge until Mal felt comfortable enough to return, but before he could, Mal was pulling him down and pressing her lips against his. Ben startled for just a second before pulling her closer and melting against her lips. He could taste the tears on her lips and slowly moved his lips to the edge of her mouth, up her cheek, and just to the side of her eye, following the salty trail of tears.

"Nothing has to change, love," Ben whispered, drawing her close once again and kissing the side of her head. Mal clutched his shirt tightly, but she was no longer trembling.

"I've never told anyone that," she said softly. Gil had been the one to tell Jay. Though he didn't know the full story, he'd done a good job at piecing it together before leaving Mal in Jay's arms and disappearing. Evie didn't need to be told much before figuring out what had happened, so Mal had never had to recite the story aloud.

"Thank you for telling me," Ben said. As horrid as it was to listen to Mal and relive it with her, he was glad she'd told him. He may not relate to it, but maybe now he could understand her even better than he had before.

Ben pressed another kiss to Mal's head and buried his face in her hair before softly mumbling, "I love you."

Mal didn't respond, but she did tighten her arms around him and that was enough.