You think I chose to be this way? You think when I was born God came and asked me how would you like to be? You think I was given a choice? You think I like being this way? Yes I am an introvert -a reserved and a thoughtful one. I am highly sensitive. I am an empath. I have accepted myself. I have accepted my introversion. I have accepted the way I am. Why can't you do the same?

You think I like it when I can't stand up for myself or defend myself even when I know you are wrong? You think I like it that I can't get a single work done without being clumsy or awkward that most people do easily? You think I like it when I can't find the right words to form a proper argument? Because whenever I open my mouth the wrong words come out and later on I keep regretting that why didn't I say this, why didn't I say that. You think I like that feeling? You think I like it when my parents especially my mother keeps on blaming me and scolding me for being this way every day?

You think I like it when you call me "weird", "shy", "stupid", "timid", "still a baby" etc? You think I like it when you crack jokes at me and make fun of me and I can't say anything to you? How do you think I feel at that time? You think I like it when you blame me for being this way? You think I like it that I dread making a phone call to a person or talking to a teacher or some authority face to face? How do you think I feel when I see most person can do them easily and without any hesitation but not me?
You think I like it when a teacher asks me a question in front of the whole class and I can't answer it properly because I can't stand all of your attention? You think I like to cry every night? You think I like to be misunderstood and underestimated all the time? You think I like it that you make me think that something is wrong with me? If you think then you can't be any more wrong.

Let me tell you how I feel. I feel helpless when I can't find a single person to talk who will understand. I have been wrong many a times. Whenever I think that this is the person I can talk to and I start opening myself up he/she turns out to be the same, like the rest of the people. Yes I was desperate for a friend or just a person to talk to, I still am. I just want somebody to understand me. I feel hopeless😟. I used to question myself that is there really something wrong with me? I still do. I may keep the bitchy face on, a i-dont-care look on my face but guess what I feel vulnerable, I don't want you to see that your words or actions hurt me. So I let you misunderstand me and I console myself by thinking it's okay let them say whatever they want, but deep down I don't feel okay. I feel frustrated. You think I haven't tried to blend in with the people? You think I didn't try to fit in? You think I like it when you all say that I am incapable of achieving anything in my life if I keep being like this ? You think I like to hear it? You really like it making me feel like a loser don't you? But guess what I am not a loser. Whenever I set my mind on achieving something I do achieve it. I had so many things to tell only if you would listen.

Only one person would have been enough. A person who would have understood me, loved me, accepted me, cared for me, supported me . A person who would have trusted in me and had faith in me. A person who would have appreciated the little things I can do. A person who would have been a little attentive towards me. A person who would have stood by my side even when everyone was busy pointing their fingers towards me. A person who would have encouraged me.A person who would have made me feel safe and secure. A person who would not have lectured me and advised me to be different, to be like the rest. No I am not asking you to lead my life for me. I am only asking you to be there for me. Was I asking for too much?

To all those people out there who think they know me. No you don't . How can you when you can't stop blaming me. Yes I am highly sensitive and an empath. I feel everything too deeply. When you don't even know what those two words really mean don't judge me.

I didn't get a chance to choose and even if I had been given a chance I would not have wished to be any different, to be like the rest of you. I may be loner for now, maybe I always will be but I believe I can get through it. I have survived for 19 years and I shall keep on surviving for the rest of my life because I know I am strong and I have faith in myself, I shall get through. Try feeling what I feel. Try thinking the way I think. Try walking into my shoes. Only then you will know how much I struggle with myself. But before that don't judge me. I know you won't listen to me. You will still keep judging me. But at this point in my life it's finally okay with me. Keep living in your illusion that you know everything about me. Keep doing that. I am not here to make every body understand me. Yes I break down at some point in my life but I shall keep picking myself up and moving on because I believe I am strong. I won't let your judgements cloud my mind and I shall definitely not question myself if something is wrong with me.

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Happy to be an introvert. Post your comments below. Happy reading!