tw: violence,,, please skip forward if you need!

It had been two days.

Two days of Jungkook and Jiah sitting in their living room. In silence.

Two days of Jiah punching at their boxing bag, at the wall, at the couch, anything she could touch.

Two days of Jungkook yelling at the top of his lungs over the bliss of the Han river, at the innocent sky, the serene ocean.

It was so frustrating, knowing that nothing they did, nothing they said, nothing they fucking punched so hard it made them bleed would ever bring him back.

While Jiah was in the living room, she faintly heard Jungkook get up and walk out.

And not too long after, she heard a loud crash in the bathroom.

Jiah leapt up, running into the room and saw Jungkook standing there, fists clasped tightly around the blade of a knife.

"Oh my God, Jungkook!" she reached forward, trying to ungrip his fingers from the knife. The amount of blood dripping from his hand was painful for her, despite having seen him bleed before.

"Get off me!" he yelled back, but she tried her best not to move.

"Do you think he would have wanted you to act like this?" Jiah's fists clenched to keep from shoving. "Because I don't!"

"Don't you dare tell me what he would have wanted-"

"-Why not? I loved him too!" Jiah's voice shook and she dug her nails in even harder into her palms. "I loved him too," softer. "And it hurts. It fucking hurts. He died, he left us, and he took all the light out of the world with him, right?"

Jungkook's breath choked, teeth bared in a snarl, eyes squeezing shut. "Don't..."

"Feels like being flayed alive. Like you want to rip up the whole world for daring to keep going without him, right? For acting like he wasn't everything."

Jungkook crumbled, "I just want him back."

In an instant Jiah was at his side, catching him. Steadying him.

"I know Jungkook. I know," she fell to her knees too, cradling his cheeks, struggling to catch his eyes. "But not like this."

--

She remembered the last time she saw him. He was going on and on about the small town he planned to go with Seokjin. How it was perfect to live in, with a small IT firm that he had wanted to join, Seokjin's degree would help him become a real estate agent there for all the new houses that had just recently been built. He had such high hopes to find his love, build a family, just grow up and have a normal life.

And she wanted it for him. She wanted it for him so bad.

Storms grew over her head, the damned world she was in had no right to do that to him.

She was going to make it pay.

"I'm going to kill him," she muttered and Jungkook lifted his head from staring at the ground.

"Kill who?"

"Whoever did this to him."

"Jiah..."

"I don't know who it was but I'm going to find out. And I'm going to kill them."

"You can't just-"

"Watch me."

--

After making Jungkook promise that he wouldn't pull a stupid stunt like that again - she had told him that Hoseok wouldn't have wanted it, that would have been the last thing he'd ask for - she thought it would be a good idea to get out of that hold house.

Spending the last two days on her own, in the still of her house, their hideout, on the streets, suffocated her.

She needed something else.

And there was only one place she wanted to go.

Her heart guided her feet and she found herself in front of Taehyung's apartment.

She hadn't gone to work for two days, hadn't answered his calls or texts, she had no idea whether or not he was going to even talk to her.

But she needed him.

Her heart needed him.

Knocking on his door, she dug her fingers into the palm of her hands when she waited for him to open it.

And when he did, she quickly looked up to him. The instant she drank in his eyes, her heart shattered, her knees turned to jelly and the tears she had been holding in for two days didn't stop flowing.

"Jiah?" Taehyung was all sorts of confused, but that didn't stop him from reaching forward and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her inside. "Jiah, oh my God, Jiah are you alright?"

When she didn't answer, he continued to hold her in his embrace at the entrance to his house, "I was so worried, Jiah, what happened?"

She didn't say anything still, sobbing into his sweater. He smelt like coffee, like the ocean, like gardenia, like so many things combined but for some reason, he smelt like home.

He didn't ask her for anything more.

He waited.

--

They were on Taehyung's couch, Jiah crouched over, her elbows resting on her knees and she was playing with her thumbs. Taehyung walked in, a box of tissues and two bottles of water, walking next to Jiah, he sat cross-legged on the couch and pivoted to face her. Placing a hand softly on her cheek, he wiped a few stray tears that were falling now, and she turned to let him.

"You want to talk now?" he asked gently, "It's alright if you don't, only if you're ready."

"My best friend," she started, and that stone lodged in her throat came free, her tears starting to fall yet again, "My best friend just died."

Silence again.

"Shit," Taehyung muttered, and with that Jiah looked up at him. She hadn't noticed how he was sitting; with his legs up on the couch, facing her, leaning into her, she just felt so much comfort.

A small smile crumpled onto the side of her lips at how he spoke so innocently, not knowing what to say. She thanked him for that.

"Yeah," putting her head in her hands, "I'm so sorry for not coming to work and-"

"Don't say that," he said lowly, taking her hands from her face and into his own, "I'm so sorry, Jiah."

"Why are you sorry?" she looked down to her hands in his, "You're not the one who's supposed to apologising."

"I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you," he rubbed small circles onto the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Honestly," she croaked, "I just hate the world right now... I hate everyone for existing, for living as if the brightest light hadn't just left... I hate everything."

He frowned, feeling tears prick his own eyes. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he slowly pulled her into his lap and hugged her closer, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

"Cry, sweetheart, let it all out."

--

There was something about that evening, seeing Jiah in her most vulnerable state, something neither one of them ever expected to happen, Taehyung had developed a feeling of wanting to protect her from every bad thing and bad person this world would ever come across.

He wanted to stand in front of her, guarding her against all the harms that could ever befall her. Seeing her sob quietly into her hands then, he felt the urge to tear the world apart because of how sad she was.

It was the next morning, Taehyung had spent the night with her, letting her cry when she needed and offering his embrace.

Now, knocking at Jimin's door, he waited for his friend to answer.

"What's up?" he asked, opening it, "Want a ride again?"

"I'm not going to go to work," he told him, "Can you and your secretary cover for me and Jiah today?"

His eyes widened, before grabbing Taehyung hand and pulling him into his house.

"What? What do you mean cover for you two? Is she with you right now? Didn't you say she had been ignoring you for two days? After you two kissed?" he hissed, "And now you're just letting her back in and skipping work? What is-"

"Jimin, no," he shook his head, "She's going through something, I really think I need to be ther-"

"Who the fuck isn't going through something Tae? She ignor-"

"Her best friend passed away, Jimin, she's a mess."

That shut him up.

"Yeah, so I'm going to stay back here with her, please can you guys cover for us?"

"Of course," he said, "Geez, why didn't you start with that, is she okay? Does she want anything?"

"I can't speak for her, I hope she's alright. But actually, would you be able to order us some food? We haven't eaten at all through the night and I really want her to have something, I've got nothing at home."

"Yes of course," he said, reaching for his phone, "I'll have it delivered to your door. Is there anything else?"

"No, that's it, thank you Jimin."

With that, he went back into his house, Jiah lifting her gaze to look at him when he came in.

Taehyung had the eyes of dove feathers, a hue so softly grey that they could have been pencil drawn. Birds flying on sunlit days, the shine and quick movement, yet relaxed, purposeful, at ease. 

And she knew, if she had met him in any other context, they would have calmed her right down.

But right now, it wouldn't stop sending her into a fit of tears.

She felt so safe, she felt like she could unload all her years of insecurities - she never knew she had - at his feet.

"Hey, you," he whispered when he joined her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and letting her head fall back onto him, "Tell me about him."

"About Hoseok?"

"Yeah, what was he like?"

She smiled a little, "What was he like?" she repeated the question to herself, looking up at the ceiling, "He was all the good in the world, Taehyung, and when I say that, I mean it. Just looking at him made you so full and so happy, nothing could ever go wrong when you were with him. He was so soft, so gentle, despite his job, he was the biggest contradiction. He was so smart, so, so intelligent, he could do the most complex things at the snap of his fingers. Honestly, he was the light the world needed, and now he's gone."

"He seems amazing," Taehyung whispered, stroking Jiah's hair.

"He wa- is."

--

"No, no," she forced a tired smile, "You eat, it's okay."

"Jiah, I'm not letting you skip any more meals," he held the rice to her mouth with a spoon, "You're eating."

"I don't want to, Taehyung, it's-"

"Please Jiah," he dropped his hand and looked at her properly, "I don't know your friend, I only know what you've told me and he sounds like an amazing guy. I don't think he would want you doing this."

She thought back to how Jungkook had abused himself earlier, and then this. Hoseok really wouldn't have wanted any of that, and her heart ached for how sad he would be if he saw them.

"Okay," she huffed, opening her mouth.

A winning smile graced Taehyung's lips, "Good, thank you."

She would have taken the spoon and ate it herself, but for some reason, in the state she was right now, she didn't want to stop letting Taehyung take care of her.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, watching as he grouped some more rice and kimchi onto the spoon.

"No problem, it was actually Jimin who paid-"

"No," she cut him off, "Thank you for everything."

"Huh?"

"Thank you for being you," she smiled again, "Thank you for being my home."

He didn't say anything.

"I really needed this, I didn't know how to cope with everything, and I wouldn't have known if you didn't help."

"It's okay," he gently held the back of her head and leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead, "It's okay."

When he sat back down, their eyes met, and he reached down to give her another spoonful of food.

But his stomach grumbled, interrupting the silence.

And his eyes widened, looking up at her, making her burst into laughter.

"Here," she took the spoon in her own hands, directing it to his mouth, "Open wide."

I'm sorry

I love you