"but if you're looking for stable, that'll never be me"

miley cyrus — "never be me"

Marriage?!

Me?! Marrying someone?! Does Joyce Avery know who Lilith Avery is?!

No, she doesn't!

She doesn't even know what my favorite color is, what makes her think that she knows what's best for me?!

Marrying someone to be set for life?! What is this, 1970?!

Fuck!

Having the audacity to plan this dinner party for me to meet this random guy from London, almost as if my own future is on the palm of her hand and she gets to do whatever she pleases with it. No. Not even in a million of years I'm gonna give her the satisfaction of me doing what she wants.

I'm 21 years old, I shouldn't be focusing on marriage! I should be focusing on graduating and getting a job! Gaining my own way through life! And, I'm pretty sure I'm not even gonna marry someone in the future.

I want to be rich not be married!

If Teddy ever finds out about all of this... he's gonna be so disappointed. This is gonna be between me and the alcohol I'm gonna drink tonight.

Before I can even process where my feet are taking me, with my heavy breathing and my heart speeding like a car in a race, the wind brushing my skin leads my head to realise the patio my frustrated and angry feet took me.

The patio. Where I used to freeze at when Joyce planned dinner parties and wouldn't let any of us wear comfortable and warm clothes, better die of coldness than not be fashionable. Yes, when I go to clubs, I have the same mentality. Be a whore and freeze to death, but when I was a child, it never went well. Turns out I was preparing to go to the club with as little clothes as possible and not get affected by the cold since I was a little kid.

A big fountain in front of the door takes the attention right away, with a stone fish in the middle and flowers all around it, covering the water underneath it. Surrounded by lights, my eyes can see the dark white with black squares floor as a child I loved to sit and draw until the sun was down, being the only time Joyce felt alright by me being here all by myself.

It doesn't look like much, but as a kid, it's one of the few moments I remember feeling happy inside this house.

People around me seem to be too focused on their conversation and the glass of whiskey their hands are holding, the girl that just walked in freaking out doesn't earn their attention.

I'm glad. Gives my feet the opportunity to take me towards a place they know the way to like they've been walking to it for the thousandth time. Because it is.

Like an automatic switch when I take the first step, I make my way towards the left side of the fountain where there's a space between two bushes. The secret safe house. Or, like my mom, Teddy and I called it many years ago. It's not a house, it's not even something, it's just a space behind the fountain where it can't be seen from the other side.

From one side, it's the half wall from fountain while the other side, it's covered in bushes and tiny trees until the end of the property. It's still illuminated, only enough for anyone walking around to not trip and fall to their face. Even though, for me, I still tripped and hurt the skin in my body like a hundred times. Being discreet about it wasn't my forte.

Before taking a step inside, I stop right on the edge of it allowing for my head to bring all those memories back. Discovering it with my mom when I was three after a loud fight with Joyce about not having the energy to attend a formal party, her crying as her back lays on the fountain, only for me to find her and somehow manage ourselves inside of this... place. It felt like Alice in Wonderland when she finds her other world. For my mom and I, it was like our escape where no one could ever find us. Our other universe. We could do whatever we wanted, like, drink soda straight from the bottle, eat chocolate without having to cut in pieces and measure what we could eat, laugh while watching a movie in my mom's phone, paint messily and get our hands dirty, tell stories with the biggest smile in our faces while using our hands excessively, stealing flowers from Joyce's garden and turn them into a crown for ourselves and Teddy after he was born.

Just have fun and be... ourselves.

But, also, run there as tears fell through our faces. Drop to our knees when this life became too much... hide here after a fight, trying to heal our throats from yelling a ton. Hug each other when my mom couldn't even let a word out after Joyce gave her a lecture and blamed her for everything. Allowing for my chest to hurt as the thought of me being the main problem rushed through my head... yeah, they weren't the good times a child and a new mom should have.

Finally, as a long breath comes inside my mouth, my feet take the first step inside of it, bringing the familiar smell of wet trees and grass to my nose. I close my eyes, enjoying it. Loving it. Even if this place isn't all happy memories, it still protected me and felt like a safe place when I was at my lowest. Sometimes, I walked in here feeling like the worst kid in the world, but I always came out as if I was in the end of a movie and it was nothing but satisfactory. I truly felt happy in here, for the first time in my life, I felt like those kids I saw at school where their two parents dropped them off, with the biggest smiles on their faces and a happy childhood.

I didn't want much, only for my mom, Teddy and I to be feel like those kids. Maybe that's why I'm so overprotective of what we have going on right now, that letting someone new in just feels... wrong.

"Lilith Avery!" The sound of my grandmother's loud and angry voice hit my ears making my breathing speed again as my feet rush behind the fountain, laying my back on the wall to hide myself from her sight. "I swear this kid only brings problems!" I hear Joyce's footsteps come closer, but then suddenly stop, as I hear another set of footsteps.

"Joyce, calm down." Now Philip talks calmer than his wife.

My heart races just like the air coming in and out of my lungs becomes quicker than I ever felt it, or maybe I did, just like tonight, after a fight with her.

"How can I calm down?!"

I want to rip the heart out of my chest. It hurts as my eyes fight the need to let it all out and finally cry what my body's been feeling this entire day.

I'm tired.

"This girl just left the son of Harrison Lawrence hanging, like he's some kid from her stupid college!"

I close my eyes as if that would prevent me from hearing anything she's saying, but, the more she speaks, the more it hurts. Like a knife is thrown at my chest every time a word comes out of her mouth.

"If Lilith doesn't want to meet him, then we can't force her." What Philip says surprises me, he's not matching Joyce's energy after a fight between me and her, and that's definitely not normal.

"What are you talking about?" Joyce sounds surprised. "What about your business? It's not important anymore?"

"If it doesn't make Lilith happy," Philip says with a gentle tone "then it's not important."

Those words right there... they bring it all out for my body. It's like, my inner child, the one that waited all her childhood years to hear those words, is taking control of my body and what it does. She wished for one of her grandparents to say that phrase with meaning, not in front of other people just to pretend they are about me, Philip said that with so much truth in his words... that I don't doubt it. And the tears that won the fight and that are now falling out of my eyes slowly down my cheeks, don't either.

I have to cover my mouth to prevent any noise to come out and make my place known for them. My sight is getting blurry from all the tears, my chest hurts, but not in the way that it did before, its warm as if fire that you see in the fireplace, calm yet dangerous, rushes through it.

I want it to stop. I've haven't cried in years, that even the tears wetting my skin feel strange. My throat closes up enabling my mouth to even let a breath out to calm myself down. It doesn't look or even feel like anything could make this tears fly away...

"Hey, hey." The sudden whispers of a familiar voice hit my ears. Before I can even turn to where it came from, Lucifer appears in front of me as his hand grab gently mine, removing it from my mouth. He caresses it while his eyes stare at mine, they're not cocky, flirty or even angry, just genuine eyes as they shine under the pool light above us.

My heart suddenly becomes slower.

"Philip, what are you talking about?"

The tears don't want to come out anymore, leaving me nothing but wet cheeks.

"It's gonna be alright." Lucifer says, taking his other hand to caress my cheeks and swipe away the tears left on my cheek with his soft thumb.

I can finally let a breath out allowing for my chest to feel free from the pain every word was causing.

"Lilith can make her own decisions," Philip takes my attention again "just like her mother before her, and her mother before her."

Lucifer softly leading my eyes to him, his green eyes allow for another realising breath to fly out of my mouth. "Better?"

I simply nod.

"Yes." Joyce brings my eyes to the side, where my head can only focus on her conversation instead of the man standing in front of me that strangely caused my tears to go away.

"Don't you always say that you're a grown woman and you should be able to make whatever decision you want?"

"Yes, but—"

"Why does that don't apply to your granddaughter?"

"With her type of decisions she's gonna end up nowhere." Joyce sounds annoyed, as if Philip actually making sense wasn't in her plan. "She's just a troublemaker that will end up just like her mother."

"What? Happy with the life she has? Happy with every decision that she ever had even if they ended up with a bad outcome?" Not a word comes out of my grandmother. "Joyce, please, open your eyes."

"They're open, Philip."

"If they were, you wouldn't see Lilith ending up like her mother as a problem."

Joyce doesn't reply. From my place, it feels like she's actually giving a thought to what her husband is saying. Maybe consider his words and that the may be the truth... that would think someone that doesn't know her, but me, she's just trying to come up with a better answer.

"I'm not forcing her to marry anyone, I just want her to meet Eric—"

"For what reason, Joyce?"

"For her to see what a true man is..." Her anger tone slips back. "Not that Lucifer Donovan." My body freezes hearing his name. "I don't even know why you insisted so much on inviting him."

"Because I believe that he's a noble man."

"Noble? Please."

"And he cares about Lilith."

My body refuses to turn and lock with Lucifer's eyes to see what's he thinking right now, I don't even know what to think anymore. All I can do, is keep hearing their conversation.

"And how on Earth would you know that?"

"Driving her for almost an hour at 4 am in the morning because her little brother was at the hospital? Making sure she was alright after that horrible moment she must've gone thought? Saying yes to this dinner party, that for any young adult like them it's probably lame, just because her old and boring grandfather said that it would make her happy?"

My heart speeds again.

Please, just stop talking.

"That's not someone that doesn't care, Joyce. When I met you, didn't I agree to take your father paint choosing just because I wanted to take you on a date?"

"Yes, you did."

Not hearing a word coming out of Philip but a step, something tells me he's getting closer to her. "Joyce, let the young kids be."

Silence. Only my quick heart that ecos inside of me.

I still don't look at Lucifer, my body expects for him to get uncomfortable hearing those words just like I did and remove his hands away from me, but he doesn't, like glue was keeping us together, even his fingers stay still against my skin.

"Joyce?" A strange woman talks as I hear her footsteps getting outside. "Oh, there you are, c'mon! Rose is about to tell us about her trip to Alaska, didn't you want to know all about it?"

"Yes, Katie, thank you for looking for me. I'll be right there."

"Don't be late!"

"I won't, sweetheart."

The same footsteps walking away.

"C'mon," Philip now talks "let's hear all about it. Wait— Rose Holmes? When does Thomas Holmes have time to go Alaska?"

Finally, I don't hear anything about why Thomas suddenly has time to go to Alaska.

A breath flies out of my mouth as I close my eyes without turning my head to face Lucifer, who's still in front of me with his hand glued on my face.

I don't know what to do, after hearing those words, how my grandfather thinks Lucifer is a noble man, how truly convinced he is about Lucifer caring about me... he met him once, getting to uncomprehendingly conclusions may be my grandfather's thing. No normal person that knows him and I would ever think that he cares about me, that he has any other feeling than hate inside of him towards me.

"Are you alright?" The soft tone from Lucifer's voice cuts my thought short.

And, well, that question takes it away too, throwing in to the trash.

I slowly turn to face seeing those caring green eyes staring down at me. "Your mascara is a mess." A little chuckle escapes his mouth. I hate that I look like a mess right now in front of him, I even hate more than I cried in front of him and he's the only thing that allowed myself to calm down...

I take my hand towards my cheek to clean my skin, ready to brush every piece of fallen mascara out.

"Let me." Lucifer doesn't remove his hand away from my cheek, preventing my fingertips to even get close. He doesn't wait for a response, with his thumb he starts to caress me gently, cleaning the mess that is my face.

I stare at his shining eyes concentrated on me, the way that they slowly move, how his warmth rushes to me... he seems worried. Every single feeling he's throwing at me, how his eyebrows are slightly furrowed, his concerned eyes, his gentle touch, they all make me believe he's genuine caring about me.

My chest suddenly hates it.

"How do you know this is mascara?" I find myself asking to brush it away.

"I have three little sisters." His thumb moves to my other eye. "Vienna used to draw moustaches with it on my face almost every night." The chuckle that suddenly escapes his mouth sends a surprising smile to mine. "Mom was furious when she found out she was using hers."

"That's a nice prank." I give him a tiny slow nod. "I'm gonna pull it on Teddy."

Another chuckle from Lucifer. "I'll apologise to him later for giving you the idea." Finally, his hand leaves my skin as his eyes focus on mine. "There."

"Thank you." I let it out almost in a whisper, almost as if those words weren't only meant to be for him cleaning my face. But for everything that he just did.

"Don't get me wrong," he shakes his head with a cheeky grin "I love the idea of you looking like a mess and me making fun of you, but I guess you showing up like that to your mom is gonna require an explanation." Lucifer suddenly brings his concerned eyes again. "You don't look like you want to explain it."

I shake my head. "No." For once, I admit that Lucifer's absolutely right.

"You have a... special family."

"If by special you mean fucked up, then yes."

"Marrying someone?" Lucifer lifts his eyebrows, like the words coming out of his mouth were almost impossible for him to believe. "Your grandmother wants you to marry someone so you could be set for life?"

I roll my eyes as my chest goes tight, burning with that awful moment from minutes ago. "Yes—"

"Who's he?" Lucifer asks before I can even let another word out. I stop for a second surprised at the quickness of his sentence, but I quickly brush it away, maybe he's curious.

Like anyone would be.

"The son—" I stop once again. Yeah, curious... but how can he be curious about a conversation that he wasn't even close to? "Wait, how do you know that?" I can't help but ask. Those words, allow me to realise that he's with me... standing in the secret safe house. "Why are you here? How did you find this place?"

"I went looking for you because your mom came back alone," he shrugs his shoulders innocently "but I got stuck at some conversation with an old lady. She started telling me all about her divorce, how she's tired of old things..." he goes quiet as if something clicked inside of him "touching my arm as she talks about my tattoos—I'm now starting to realise she was flirting with me the whole time." I lift an eyebrow. "She was! She kept saying that she wanted to try to do new things."

A chuckle escapes my mouth. "Yeah, you."

"Oh, god." He says as a exaggerated concern expression forms in his face. "I'm sure she's my grandmother's age!"

"Life's is about trying new things." I joke to make his concern even more stronger. "Go for it." It immediately works, his eyes go wide open. "She's an experienced woman..."

"She's a grandma!"

"So what? Grandmothers deserve a little bit of the Lucifer experience!"

I immediately regret saying those words, a huge cocky smile appears on Lucifer's lips. "Why? Worth having?"

Lifting my finger to shush him, I do not let Lucifer make a mess of my body. More than it already is. "I'm not having the best moment right now, my hand will end up on your cheek." The cocky smile goes even bigger. Does my mouth want me to fail? "Hitting it, Donovan." I add. "You better continue explaining how did you escape the grandma."

Immediately nodding, he does a tiny step back as his hands go inside the pocket of his pants. "I believe it, so, I faked a call and almost ran away from her. I ended up on this place trying to hide. Did you knew it was here?"

I nod. "I found it years ago when I was a little kid."

Looking around, Lucifer lets a smile escape his mouth. I don't stare around just like he's doing, my eyes can't seem to look away from him as he's admiring our surroundings. "It's cool." He finally says going back to me. "What did you do here?"

"Lots of things."

"Like what?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Crying."

"Oh."

I can't help but laugh at the surprise he found in my words. "But laughing too."

"That's definitely better."

"Yeah," now, I do look around "this tiny place holds a lot of memories." Going to the left side with my eyes, a smile escapes my lips when the memory of tiny Teddy laughing uncontrollably because I fell rushes to my brain. I remember my knee hurting like a motherfucker, almost as if it got hit multiple times by the same rock it landed on, but as soon as I heard that laugh... that baby laugh from my little bother after a long time of not being able to let any happy sound from my own body because of the life I was living, it all came together inside of me. It all became calmer.

That was the moment I knew, that tiny human being was gonna be my best friend, I was gonna take care of him like my life depended on it, he was gonna have my back just like I was gonna have his... no one was gonna hurt that tiny human. Not on my watch.

"Lilith." The sound of Lucifer's gentle voice brings my attention towards him.

"Hmm?"

"Maybe talking about it will help you get better."

I finally turn to face him, finding the same concern and genuine eyes from before. "No, getting drunk will help me get better."

"Maybe tonight, but what about tomorrow?"

"What's gonna happen tomorrow is non of my business." Taking a step to the side ready to let go whatever Lucifer is trying to do to me, I give him a single nod. "See you later, Lucifer, a shot of vodka awaits me."

Lucifer grabs my wrist, stopping me.

"Wait—"

A long sigh escapes my mouth. Honestly, I should've seen this coming. Lucifer isn't the one who lets go of things that easily. "What?"

"C'mon, your grandmother wanting you to marry someone isn't something easy to digest."

"I'm fine."

"Your tears from a minute ago said otherwise, Avery. C'mon, talk."

"Why do you care about how I feel?" My mouth asks him before it even goes through my head. Like an automatic response when he's suddenly being weird towards me. "You hate me, remember?"

"I can't forget."  He replies with a soft tone carried by the wind around us.

"Then why are you persistent?" He doesn't respond. Instead, doing a quick look to my lips, a long sigh escapes his mouth making me feel even more intrigued on what the hell is he thinking. "Lucifer?" I insist.

"I figured if we're gonna spend the night together for this dinner party we shouldn't be annoyed at each other." He replies with a quick answer, so fast, that something tells me it's almost an automatic response too. The moment he spent silent, it was his brain coming up with the words. "Better for the survival." He innocently shrugs his shoulders.

"Actually me imagining ways to kill you helps me get through the day." A chuckle escapes his mouth. "And then at night, your body discomposing allows me to feel relaxed so I can sleep."

"I already knew my body helps you relax, Avery."

The palm of my hand flies to the side of his arm.

Smack.

Lucifer nods, not flinching or even with the slight hint of it hurting. "I deserved that."

The need of alcohol as the sound of the classic piano from the living room comes back to me, make my feet take a step to the side ready to return to my mission. "Lilith." He, once again, stops me by grabbing my wrist and pulling me closer to him.

"What, Lucifer? I need a drink."

"Let me get it for you, you don't want your grandmother finding you."

"I spent years of my life getting away from her, one more time isn't gonna be hard."

"What if you walk pass that asshole she wants you to marry?"

"I'll take a bugger out of my nose so he sees how disgusting I am and won't want to marry me." I joke.

But a laugh doesn't come from Lucifer, instead, an eyebrow of his is now lifted. "We both know you'll still be attractive doing that."

I—

Wait a second.

I stare at his eyes, confused. "What?"

Lucifer, shock of his own words, opens his eyes wide as his body doesn't even move. "What?"

"Why did you just say that?"

"Say what?"

"Are you playing dumb right now? Seriously?"

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer takes a step closer to me. "Do you want that drink or not?"

"Yes."

"Then let me get it for you."

"No!" I take another step, but once again, he brings me even closer to his body where my chest touches his and our breathing mixes together. "Stop stopping me!"

Smack.

My hand slaps the side of his arm just like before. Hearing a little laugh coming from Lucifer because of my last words, I can't help but let one out too. "Don't laugh." I say anyway, even thought I've already lost it too.

Silence follows our laughs. Staring at those familiar green eyes, I feel myself getting lost in them. Losing the sensation of my body standing and my heart beating, only our eyes connected is what matters and what my head wants to focus on.

Lucifer's other hand suddenly touched my waist, pulling me even closer to him. His other hand is still grabbing my wrist, now caressing my skin with his thumb. I don't say anything, the way that he's embracing me and our bodies are slowly coming together, it enables me to come up with anything to say.

His eyes go slowly down, to the bridge of my nose, to the tip of it, to my upper lip, to my lower lip, until they reach my chin. The hand that's now holding my wrist, it lets it go going towards my cheek, holding me in place as he's admiring my face. They go a bit up, where they stay glued on my lips.

I want to taste his. Feel them on mine as the familiar warmth he usually gives me flies across our mouths playing around with each other and it rushes to my veins. But he doesn't end the space between us.

A part of me is glad, kissing each other where anyone could walk on us at any minute is dangerous. The need of keeping whatever we have going on between us is bigger than the need of him kissing me...

Is that true?

I don't know.

I don't have a clue.

But what I do know, is that my mouth is gonna listen to the side that doesn't want our lips to touch.

"Lucifer?" I call him, softly, for only him to hear me.

"Hmm?"

"Don't." I say, before my head becomes a complete mess.

"Don't what, Avery?" Lucifer comes closer, brushing our noses together. My heart speeds just like the air coming in and out of my mouth, my eyes can't help it, they go down to his lips growing the desire to have them on mine inside of me.

"Kiss me." The way that I say those words, they come out as a plead, even if what I want him to do is the complete opposite.

Is my mouth listening to the other side of me now?

A grin can be seen forming on the left side of his mouth. "Does the don't still apply?"

I don't reply, my mouth doesn't know what to do. Even my head is confused right now, my two sides inside of me are struggling to come up with an answer, making my tongue get wrapped on itself and for the breath coming inside my mouth to get stuck in my throat. I lose myself once again looking at his eyes, forgetting the party going on behind me as our noses still brush against the other.

What if I kiss him right now and my head goes into a whole mess again? Make my chest feel tight, my arm wanting to wrap themselves and my heart speeding like the air filling my lungs?

What if our lips touch and my heart isn't able to calm itself down?

What if this kiss is different just like the last time? Bringing horrible and long thoughts into my head, hurt as if it would want to explode, not being able to hold everything together and break me apart?

What if this kiss ruins everything?

But— what if it doesn't? What if nothing like that happens?

Do I just let him... kiss me?

Yes.

"Lilith?" The sound of my mom's voice breaks Lucifer and I apart. He lets go of my cheek just like my waist and pulls back, pretending that he was in that place to begin with.

I turn to the side quickly, calmly, not wanting my own mother to see the frustration in my eyes for taking Lucifer away from me.

"Mom." I can finally say once my eyes locate her, standing by the left side with her eyes glued on me. She has a smile on her face, the dark light above her head doesn't let me see much, but when her eyes do a quick look to Lucifer turning a bit to the other side, her smile isn't just a normal one.

More of a cheeky tone.

"I'll get that drink for you." Lucifer says before any of us could come up with anything to say. Walking closer to my side, he sends a tiny smile my way. "Wait here."

I simple nod, wanting him to step away and not give more to the known thought my mother is probably having right now. The bigger smile on her face is a huge giveaway.

"Awesome news." I say a soon as Lucifer is out of my sight to prevent my mom from asking something. "Your mother wants me to marry the son of the important douchebag, Harrison Lawrence." My plan works, whatever was going on inside my mom's head, it completely changes, her eyes go wide open only focused on the news her ears just heard.

"What?"

"Yeah, the rich and young Eric Lawrence."

Shaking her head, a long annoyed breath comes out of her mouth. "Unbelievable!"

"To be set for life." I try to copy Joyce's words but they come out more of a joke.

"Just like she wanted me to be."

"Yeah, she took the like mother like daughter phrase way too seriously." I joke once again.

But no laugh comes out of my mother, instead, she quickly shakes her head as another long breath comes out of her mouth. "I'm definitely gonna talk to her right now." Making her way towards the patio, I immediately stop by grabbing her arm.

"Mom, no."

"Yes! She can't just do that and get away with it! She has no right!"

"I already had a fight with her, I don't want you to get angry and ruin your night."

"I don't give a shit! I'm gonna defend my daughter!" It looks like fire is gonna come out of her eyes. She's so angry and annoyed, that I don't think Joyce has even a little opportunity of winning against her.

"I appreciate that, and that you'll go to war with me—"

She quickly nods. "I would."

"Yeah, you're scary as shit sometimes. But right now, maybe being there for Teddy is all we need to do."

Closing her eyes, this time, the long breath that comes out of her mouth isn't annoyed, instead, relaxing, as if my words were slowly making sense inside of her. "Shit. You're right." Her eyes meet mine. "I knew Joyce was up to something."

I gently shrug my shoulders. At this point, I'm not surprised. "Like she always is."

"You? Marrying someone? You're twenty one!"

"I know! I even counted it myself to be sure!" I joke, and this time, my mom does laugh. "How did you know I was here?"

"Where else could you be? You used to come here all the time when you felt sad."

I let out a smile pointing at her. "You too. I wouldn't be surprised if a plant of tears grew in here."

"The sixteen year old who just had a baby while her mother was attacking her with her words every corner she turned around definitely needed a place to escape to." Giving me a genuine sweet smile, her hand goes towards my cheek to gently caress it. "I'm glad you found it when you did, and I can't even believe it's been twenty one years since I've had you." I nod. I don't even feel 21. "Marrying someone?" She asks in a whisper as if the words coming out of her couldn't be true and her head can't even start to get around it.

"I know, unbelievable, isn't it?"

"To someone that you don't love, yeah."

"I don't think I'm ever going to get married, mom."

Giving me a joke of sad eyes, my mom rushes her hand to her chest as if it hurt. "Don't crush my wish of seeing you walking the aisle like that."

A chuckle escapes my mouth. "I'm sorry! It's just never going to happen."

"Whatever makes you happy, honey... but, I do gotta ask, why not?"

To be honest I've never seen myself as the marrying type, always partying and enjoy life, that's me. I can't even imagine myself falling in love with someone, I've never felt it so why would I start now? Marriage just feels like it's for people who can settle— I never want to settle.

I could give that to my mom as an answer— "Love sucks." But instead, those words come out of my mouth.

"Says who?"

I innocently shrug my shoulders, ready to be dramatic. "Life, mother."

Because of my words, a laugh coming my way from my mom shakes one out of me too. "Are you a philosopher now?"

"It's just—" My mouth goes shut. For an unknown reason, my tongue doesn't want to let go of the words my brain is thinking. They are the truth, I've never been so sure of something in my entire life... then why does my tongue don't trust them? "I just don't do love." That's all I could come up to say.

My mom, with her weird and cheeky look when she's about to say something smart, comes my way. "You don't do love or... you don't let anyone get close to you because you're afraid of opening up to people?"

Huh.

Wait.

What?

"I—" I can't let anything out.

My brain goes completely blank, it can't come up with anything to say. Only my body, being the mess that it likes to become when new things appear in front of me, my heart speeding and my chest getting tighter the more my tongue doesn't find anything to say.

Could that be true?

No.

What am I even thinking?

I just don't do love.

That's it.

"And afraid of ever being vulnerable and falling in love?" My mom speaks again.

Stop.

"Mom." I try for her mouth to go silent, but for the way that she's getting closer and one of her hands grab one of mine, I know a mom moment is coming.

"There's a reason why you got uncomfortable when Lucifer started having a fun conversation with Teddy, honey."

My heart immediately jumps to my stomach once his name comes through my ears.

A reason for my uncomfortableness?

What? That I hate seeing the guy I despise talking to my little brother?

"Ugh, not him." Letting go of my mom feeling how tense the back of my neck is getting, my feet take a couple of steps back and turn around to get away from her eyes.

"Yes, him. I saw that." I hear my mom getting closer, but not where I can feel her presence behind me.

"Saw what?" I ask, frustrated.

"You two... very close to each other? Almost kissing?"

"No, I'm sure I was about to kill him and you ruined my mater plan. It was gonna be my villain origin story."

"Lilith."

"What, mom?"

Please, let this be over.

"C'mon, be serious with me for a moment."

"There's nothing to be serious— yes, maybe there is." I immediately turn around, ready to leave this fucking conversation behind. "My stomach needs alcohol or it's gonna fail on me." My feet make their way to the other side.

"Honey, stop." My mom's hand prevents me from getting away. "You know you can talk to me about it."

"There's nothing to talk about, you're just going crazy. Completely insane."

I can feel my heart speeding faster than before, my hands wanting to wrap up and my skin itching. I need to get out.

"What's going on with him?" The softness of her question makes my chest feel tight just like before, but it doesn't make me feel better, instead, my eyes can't even make eye contact with her.

"I want to kill him."

"Lilith."

"I hate him."

"Lilith."

"My head can only think about slapping him across the face."

"Lilith."

"I despise him."

"Lilith."

"There's not another feeling than hate towards him inside of me."

"Yes, love."

My heart stops.

Yeah, it definitely stopped for a second. A breath gets caught inside my throat just like my eyes can't seem to move away from the floor.

That disgusting word... inside of me? Towards him? Lucifer Donovan? The guy that doesn't know when to shut up? The guy that gets on my nerves every chance he gets? The guy that, no matter how many tries I have, he always manages to turn his move into a winning one?

No.

No.

Just— no!

Stupid word!

"Love?" I let out softly as the tears fight to come out again. But this time, the anger and frustration is insane inside of me, it doesn't even take me a second to push them down. "Love?! Why would you think that?!" I finally spit out.

"Baby." My mom feels my anger inside of her, I can see it in her eyes, but it doesn't make her come out at me, yell, fight, instead, she turns it into sadness.

"No, mom. Stop!" I turn around once again, escaping from her words.

"See? This happens with you, honey, when I mention something that is remotely close to you liking him you get uncomfortable."

"Because it's not true!"

"Do you believe that? Do you actually believe that when I almost caught you two kissing?"

There's not point of denying it, she saw us and my brain can't come up with an excuse. She's not gonna let it go making it even worst for me and the mess that is my body. "Fuck, mom!" I let out, feeling it hurt my throat. 

"Baby, c'mon." I feel her hand touching my shoulder, but me brusquely turning around, makes her take it away.

"Maybe I'm just a person that doesn't fall in love." I let out, meeting her sad eyes and fighting the need to cry.

"Maybe. If you are, just let me know and I'll drop it."

I don't fall in love.

Say it.

Say it, now.

Why is my tongue not talking? We believe in those words, why aren't you saying them?!

"Or you suddenly get calmer when Lucifer's around you?" My mom follows my silence with her soft words.

Yes.

"Does your heart beat faster?"

Yes.

"Do you miss him when he walks away?"

Fuck, yes.

"Stop, mom," I shake my head closing my eyes with strength and facing down "just stop." I plead as my throat hurts more and more.

Touching my shoulder once again, I don't make her let go. "I just don't want you to miss on love just because you're scared."

"I'm not scared, mom."

"Then why do you run? Why do you treat Jackson like that when all he wants to do is for you and your brother to like him because that's all that would make me happy?"

"Stop."

"Why do you push Lucifer away?"

I can't take it anymore.

"I'm not like you! I don't fall in love with every guy I see!" My tongue already moves before I can even stop it as my eyes meet hers. "Why do you keep being persistent about Lucifer and I? What is it? You meet the love of your life and now you're the expert in love?!"

Shit.

I immediately regret saying those words. My heart speeds hurting like it never hurt before seeing the look on my mother's eyes, a mix between sadness and shock because of my words.

Sorry.

That should came out of my mouth.

But it doesn't.

"I know you're angry and you don't mean that." My mom speaks before I can end the debate inside my head. "All I'm gonna say is that it's alright to be scared, life is a scary ass shit place, but what's important is to not let it hold you back on experiencing things. Love is a wonderful thing."

A fake chuckle escapes my mouth. "Yeah, right."

Letting go of my shoulder, she takes a step back. "You're gonna have to let your fears go to see it, my words aren't gonna do it for you."

"I don't want to see anything."

"Honey, you always want to be in control of everything, and this... love isn't something that you get to control."

Fuck!

"Stop— just stop saying love!"

Finally, my feet manage to take out the spot before my mom could prevent it.

"Lilith!" I hear her yell behind me. But I don't stop. I don't care, all my focus is on getting the hell out of here.

The anger rushing through my veins can't be compared to anything I've ever felt in my life. Fire burns my body as my feet take me to an unknown place my head doesn't know.

I hate feeling like this. Like I can't, not even how much thought my head puts into this, understand not even a single feeling inside of me. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm... tired. A complete mess. Not even a single day of my life I've felt like this. Feelings are something that I could always control, make a bag of everything and take something out whenever I needed it.

That bag exploded. Like a firework going close to my head and shaking everything inside. All because, what? Some guy decided to make my life a living hell? Taking all my family down with him?

Me... loving him? Not even in a million years, not even if he was the last glass of water on a hot day at the dessert. No. He's Lucifer Donovan, the annoying asshole that hates me and I hate him. Nothing could ever change that. No changes. No more sad feelings. No more heavy chest. No more tears. No more confused thoughts.

Love? I don't do love. Me, Lilith Avery, I don't fall in love. Love is for stupid people who are too afraid to be alone. It isn't for me.

Fuck this shit. And fuck this night.

My feet hurt, my heart speeds and the coldness that my skin suddenly feels makes my breathing freeze for a moment.

Where I am?

The second my eyes take it upon themselves to realise where my feet took me, they lead down where I stand. They walked half way up the stairs towards the rooms. I don't move a single step further asking myself if I should keep going and escape this party, or maybe head towards the front door and leave the house once and for all even if that could lead to any of my family seeing me...

Fuck.

What now?

"Lilith?" The confused voice of Lucifer turns my head to the end of the stairs. Looking down at him, my eyes locate the drink in his hand while his other one is inside his pocket. He doesn't say anything, looking strangely at the girl standing like an idiot in the middle of the stairs.

I roll my eyes. Going to the front door is not an option anymore, Lucifer and his annoying ass are definitely gonna question what I'm doing, and him following me, isn't what I have in mind.

"Bye." I let out turning around to head upstairs, getting to the famous escape in my mom's room is all I have.

"Wait— where are you going?"

Please, God, don't let him follow him.

Lucifer arrives by my side.

Thank you, for absolutely nothing.

"To jump out the window." Maybe in all the seriousness that my mouth said those words, he's gonna let me alone after realising I'm not down to play games...

Who am I kidding? He's lucifer Donovan, he lives for that shit.

As a fake chuckle escapes his mouth and my feet finally arrive at the end of the stairs, Lucifer places the drink in his hand in front of me. "Enjoy the drink that I got you first."

"No." I simple say.

"It has vodka." He says like me not taking the drink offended him.

I don't want anything that comes from him. Not even if I'm dying out of breath and he's the last piece of air that surrounds me.

"I don't want it."

Continuing with my steps towards my mom's room on the left side of the hallway, the familiar dark red walls appear by my sides. The doors that match the ones on the first floor, brown with golden vintage handles, two on each side, bring the memory of what they all have by the other side of them to my head.

"You don't want to drink anymore?" Lucifer interrupts my thought. "Damn, you're definitely not alright."

"Fuck off, Lucifer."

The first door on the right side, it's the main room, Joyce's and Philip's room. The biggest of the all. On the left side, Philip's second office. And by second I mean where he has a huge TV where he can practice his gold swings with a game that he bought when I was five, I've never been allowed in that room.

"What happened to the not be annoyed at each other to survive this dinner party?" Lucifer speaks again.

Is he still here?!

"You decided that, not me."

"Lilith—"

I can't fucking stand him!

"Shut up!"

Nothing comes from his mouth following my loud words. Finally.

The last door on the left wall, it's my room. Some place I don't even want to put any thought into. Fuck that room.

My head immediately turns to the right side meeting with my mom's door, I let out a long sigh before my hand reaches the handle ready to open it.

The familiar lavender smell hit my nose. The bright yellow cover from the bed makes my stomach hurt, the amount of times little me had to sleep on that bed because my eyes wouldn't let me get a good nice sleep if I was alone in my room. The walls are disgusting, white with yellow flowers all over it.

My eyes don't want to see it anymore, otherwise, I'm gonna get sick. Better off, my head locates the tiny balcony that is above the front door in front of me. Walking towards it, the escape that I've been waiting for sends a smile to my face.

"Fuck this party." I say as soon as the door swings open and the fresh air from the outside brushes against my skin.

Teddy.

My feet stop from taking another step.

It's his dinner party. Or at least, that's what he believes. Shit. He's not gonna be happy when he doesn't see me anymore, all because my stupid grandmother and her audacity to have this little plan for my future. My mother and her undying wish to see Lucifer and I end up together.

Teddy is family, more important than any mess that is my body right now.

But he can't see me like this. Maybe punching a few pillows and screaming into them to relax is the way to go, like a true dramatic person in every Disney movie.

"Fuck." I close the door from the balcony.

Slowly turning around giving in to my defeat, my eyes meet his, standing by the door fame with his arms across his chest, looking at me as a grin can be seen on the corner of his mouth.

Has Lucifer been here this entire time?

"I knew you weren't gonna do it." He says as his head slowly shakes.

"Why?"

"You wouldn't abandon Teddy on his dinner party." Shit. Am I that obvious? "Care for that drink now?" I stare at the drink in his hand once he gets it closer to me. I still don't take it. "C'mon, I know you want it."

"Not more than I want you to leave me alone."

Giving me a smirk and a cocky look, he leaves the glass on the table. "I'll leave it here for when you decide to put your pride aside and take it."

I roll my eyes, annoyed. "What are you still doing here?"

Shrugging his shoulders like the innocent kid he obviously isn't, Lucifer turns the smirk into a little smile. "Wanted to make sure you're alright."

Ugh.

"Don't."

"Yeah, yeah, the whole I hate you bit, I know, but you could use a friend right now."

"If I wanted a friend, I would call Ada."

"Why? You have me." Immediately, a disgusted expression leaves my face. Lucifer nods too, giving me the exact same look. "Yeah, that sounded weird to say— Was this your room?" He changes the subject to brush away his prior comment.

I shake my head. "It was my mom's."

"Where's yours?"

My head points to the door. "Across the hall." Without Giving me an answer, Lucifer leaves the frame of the door and turns around. I know exactly where he's heading. "Lucifer— don't."

He doesn't stop, his feet are determined to get to it. I don't hesitate on following him, even if there's not a single thing inside of me that wants to be in that room.

Once the door's open, the bright color pink appears in front of me immediately making my chest hurt.

"Wow." Thats all I hear Lucifer say.

Standing by his side, my eyes can't help but stare delicately at what they're seeing. The big and light brown lays in the middle of the room, the one I couldn't sleep on for a month straight since a huge fight happened with my grandmother by the side of it. I remember that when my eyes were closed, I could still hear her loud words.

By each side, two nightstands going perfectly with the bed stand out with a bright and tall bright pink lights. I used to hate them, not because of the color, but the fact that if you stand closer to it it hurts your eyes. My five year old self, even if I tried to prevent it, would always manage to look at it and get hurt.

But what always got my attention first when I walked into this room, is the light pink wall paper with a hundred of cats pictured in it. I tried to rip it apart as I was angry with Joyce, but it ended up on her getting another one and adding even more cats. How was it possible? I didn't know. But what I did know, for Joyce? Anything's possible.

"Are you sure this was your room and not an old lady's?" Lucifer says walking inside the room. "Jesus, why so many cats?"

"Can you leave?" My mouths lets out as soon as my arms go across my chest. The uncomfortableness in my body suddenly grows as if a switch had been touched inside of me.

"Oh," Lucifer's eyes are located inside the closet "that's adorable."

Please, not the dresses.

"Lucifer."

His hand flies inside of it. "Tiny!"

"Stop."

My heart speeds.

"Did you used to wear this?" Finally taking a dress off the closet, my mouth gets dry seeing it.

I remember it perfectly. With its white sleeves and flowers all over it, it was the dress I wore when Joyce started blaming mom for everything.

Why did it had to be that dress?

Sending my heart to my stomach, Lucifer doesn't even notice the frustration that's in my eyes.

"Really?"

Not being able to bare it anymore, my feet walk towards him to take the dress off his hand with a quick swing. "Stop!"

Lucifer stares at me with a bit of shock in his face, to then follow the dress that my hand quickly throws into the closet. "Damn— Avery."

Bang.

The doors of the closet are now closed by me.

"Why do you always have to be so nosey?!"

"I was just trying to make you feel better by visiting your old room! Bring you back some memories!"

"There's not a single memory that I want to bring back from this room!" I spit out. "Why don't you get it?!"

Tears scream to drop down.

"Avery—"

"It's like you can't stop getting on my nerves! Is it that satisfying?!"

"Lilith—"

"Just stop caring!"

"I can't—!" Lucifer surprisingly matching my tone out of nowhere makes my head swing back at the sudden of his strange words.

What does he mean by that?

I can't find out what his eyes are saying to me, he immediately turns around facing the wall. "Fuck!"

"What did you just say?" My tongue says before my brain can fully process what my ears just heard.

"Nothing..." He stays silent for a moment. I don't say anything following him, my mouth waits for him to talk again. "You drive me insane. Completely out of my mind." Sending tingles down to the pit of my stomach, his green eyes don't wait to meet mine once he faces me, pleading me to hear his next words. "No matter what you do, no matter what you say, my body still wants you."

Sleep with him.

The dark voice inside my head says.

Fuck him and then leave.

What?

If you love him, like your mom says, you wouldn't be able to get up after sleeping with him.

But if you don't love him, you wouldn't have a problem. Then, you'll be right.

No. I can't do that.

He doesn't love you. He'll leave too.

I know.

If we don't love him...

Prove it.

"Fuck me." The words come out quicker than my brain can come up with a decision.

The way that Lucifer widen his eyes at the surprise, and how he stays still doing a quick look to my lips, it grows the sudden desire my body has for him. "What?" He asks, almost in a whisper.

"You heard me." I nod, taking a single step closer to him. Lucifer doesn't move his eyes away from my lips. "Pick me up and take to the bed. Start undressing, undress me, and then fuck me." Where are these words coming from?

"Lilith—"

"You don't want to?"

A little chuckle escapes his mouth. "Believe me, Avery, since I kissed you the first time today I wanted to."

"Then why aren't you moving?" My feet decide take me closer to him as his eyes meet mine, getting slowly filled with lust. That familiar shine he has on those green eyes doesn't fail on making my decision grown even bigger. "Are you saying no, Donovan?" Arriving right in front of him, our noses brush against the other.

Lucifer doesn't reply to my question. Needing it to proceed, my lips don't hesitate on getting closer stopping right on the edge of his.

"Kiss me, Lucifer."

He closes his eyes with strength as a long sigh comes out of his mouth, as if what's going on inside of his head annoyed him. "No, Avery." Lucifer moves his head to the side. "Fuck, that was the hardest thing I had to do."

My heart jumps on my chest. "Then why did you do it?" I keep my composure.

"You're not feeling alright."

"I'm fine—"

Going back to facing me, his eyes lead down to my lips right away. "I don't want you to do something you don't want."

"I just told you... it is what I want." I bring my lips closer. "Kiss me." I whisper.

"Fuck—" He uses the whole strength in his body to move his head back. "The things you do to me, Lilith."

"If I say no at any point, would you stop?"

"Yes." He doesn't hesitate.

"Then if you fucking me is something that I want right now, and you'll stop if I say no later on, what's truly stopping you?"

"No matter how much we say that we hate each other, I still respect you. And me fucking you while you feel like this..."

My hand touches his belt, ready to bring him closer. "I don't want you to respect me tonight," my lips barely touch his "I want you to fuck the shit out me. That'll make me feel better."

"Lilith—"

"It will, Lucifer. What's wrong with a girl feeling like shit and asking for the guy that fucks her like nobody else can to make her feel good?" Lucifer closes his eyes, enjoying my words. "Please." I plead. "But— if you don't want to, I'll stop." I say, taking a step back.

"Come here." Lucifer doesn't hesitate, with his left hand he manages to bring me closer to him with a quick movement, immediately making our chests hit each other. "You're good with words."

I can't help but smile. "Practice, Donovan."

Without giving him the opportunity to answer me, my hand flies to his belt once again pulling him to the bed as I walk backwards. Hitting the end of it, my body sits down on the edge staring up at Lucifer, who's now looking down at me with a grin on his lips.

"Take off your watch, Donovan." I demand.

He does as I say with the smile still on his mouth, his opposite hand reaches to his watch and slowly starts to take it off. My eyes follow it, admiring him like I'm watching my favorite movie. Placing it inside his back pocket, my eyes meet his once again finding a bit of shock in them. Probably not used to me being so demanding with my words without him asking me to. "Now the shirt." I let out, firmly.

Once he takes off his blazer, Lucifer's fingers start unbutton his black shirt. "You're gonna make me do everything you say tonight, Avery?" A cheeky question escapes his mouth.

I just simple shrug my shoulders. "If you listen... we're gonna have a good time."

"Oh, I'll listen. Trust me."

The last button is done allowing me to see a bit of his spider tattoo right under his chest. I have to prevent biting my lip as my mouth wants to ask for more, keeping my posture and slowly move forward is my game for tonight.

In complete control.

Lucifer finally takes off his shirt, his shiny and soft chest and stomach being out in the open lead my eyes immediately to them. His familiar tattoos and his fit body is where my entire focus is. It'll never fail to make me stare, no matter how much power my body has in the situation.

Preventing me from saying anything else, Lucifer gets closer to me with his body and leads down, brushing our noses together as my back lays down on the bed since he isn't stopping. Now, both of his hands rest by the side of my head holding his body above me.

"Now what? The pants, Avery?"

I slowly shake my head. "No."

"No?"

"No." My high heel places itself on his waist gently pulling him away from me. I don't leave the bed watching him step back and go to his prior position, looking down at my foot with a cheeky side smile. "Take off my shoes, Donovan."

He meets my eyes giving me a simple tilt of the head. "As you say."

Grabbing my ankle so delicately as if the minimum movement it could break it, Lucifer lifts my foot up for him to be comfortable taking the shoe off. Taking care of the tiny belt around it, his other hand manages to slip itself inside my wide pants, caressing the skin as they slowly lift it up until my knees. My eyes follow him, giving in to the softness that he's treating my body. Once the shoe is off, Lucifer doesn't hesitate on bringing his lips closer leaving a gently kiss on my ankle as he keeps our eyes locked, before starting off with the other one.

I don't have to lift my leg up, he kneels down in front of me once he takes it upon himself to place my left shoe on the bed. "I'll always end up kneeling for you, Avery, no matter what you do." A side smile escapes my lips. "You and your strange ways."

This time, he manages to take my other shoe faster than the other one. Once I hear it land on the floor, just like a second ago, he leaves yet another kiss on my ankle. But this time, he doesn't stop, getting closer and closer he traces my skin with his lips while our eyes locked, until he ends up on my knees. My eyes follow how his hand flies to my inner thighs, ready to open them up.

"Open your legs for me, Avery."

For the first time, I don't do what he asks. My bare foot goes towards his waist once again, pushing him away. "Take off your pants first."

He smiles at me. "Yes, ma'am."

My eyes stare down to his underwear once his hands do a quick movement and his formal black pants are off.

Fuck.

He looks even more attractive.

"Now the underwear or are we saving the best bit of last?" Lucifer jokes gaining a tiny laugh from me.

Damn it.

"Or can I kiss you now?"

My heart suddenly speeds. How he brings himself closer making the air coming out of noses mix together, his eyes glued to my lips, his body above mine trying to not crash me, my legs opening up without my brain telling them to so Lucifer can place himself between them... alright, body, I'm the one in control.

Yeah, right.

"Can I kiss you, Avery?"

I nod. "Yes."

Happy with my reply, Lucifer gives me a side smile before finally crushing our lips together.

Like every fucking time, our lips don't require a lot of movement to get used to the other. As soon as our lips have that familiar taste in them, they carry on with the kiss like they've done it a thousand of times and it's just automatic how their react to each other. Even though, right now, Lucifer gifts me the control of it.

I move my lips slow, wanting the warmth of it rushing through my veins and get my body going. My right hand places itself on Lucifer's cheek, pulling him even closer. The way that my body needs for him, screams for it, I don't think my brain is gonna be in control much longer.

Letting go of his cheek, my arms go around Lucifer's neck ready to bring him down. Him, understanding, lays his elbows on the bed instead of his hands, allowing for our bodies to connect like they've been waiting.

I take my hands towards the edge of my pants taking advantage of the little control my body is letting me have. Lifting my waist up to be able to pull them down, Lucifer break the kiss noticing.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking my pants off...?" I let out, confused on why he's asking.

"Avery." He slowly leans down. "That's my job, love."

Shit.

No, c'mon! In control, Lilith. In control.

"Then, what are you waiting for?"

There it is.

Lifting an eyebrow, Lucifer follows my words and heads down to my waist placing both of his hands on each side. "Eager, are we?"

"Just take the damn pants off, Donovan— and don't say yes, ma'am." I hear a low chuckle coming from him making my heart jump down to my stomach.

Fuck, stop!

"Red underwear?" His voice leads my eyes allowing me to remember the pair of underwear I'm wearing. "Do you want to kill me—? Don't answer that." Now I'm the one letting out a chuckle. "Shit, Avery." He says once my pants are fully off tossed out to the floor. Lucifer doesn't finish his sentence, his lips go immediately down to my waist leaving gently kisses all over my skin, as he likes to do.

But for tonight, those are not my plans.

Grabbing his chin to pull him up and make him meet my eyes, my mouth doesn't say anything to the surprise in his eyes and lets my hand do all the talking. Going down, feeling the soft texture of his underwear, my index finger teases the edge of it against his skin. Lucifer can't help it, as he's holding himself above me, his eyes go down to my fingertips touching him.

Placing both of my feet on the bed, lifting my knees up, I manage to place my waist against his pelvis, grinding to feel a long breath coming out his mouth. "Shit." Lucifer whispers out.

I have to close my eyes for a second, feeling the tiny pleasure it suddenly surrounds my inner thighs.

Soon enough, a bulge grows against me followed by a tiny chuckle coming out of my own mouth. "Oh, Donovan, are you gonna make me work hard for a boner someday?"

He slowly shakes his head with a wide smile as he goes back to my eyes. "Fuck off."

Another chuckle. "Is that what you truly want? Or rather fucking you than fucking off?" I start grinding again.

"Avery—" His eyes go down.

"Mmh?"

"Take off your shirt." He demands.

How innocent of him thinking that tonight, I'm gonna do what he says. "No when you say it like that." I lift my waist even harder against him. Closing my lips with strength to prevent anything coming from my mouth, I'm glad that Lucifer isn't staring at how slowly I'm losing it.

"Lilith."

"Beg for it, Donovan."

Our eyes locked, allowing me to see the crazy lust in his eyes. "Please."

I can't help but smile. "Well, that's a good boy."

Not giving me an answer, Lucifer swings his body up just like I do to sit down and make it easy to remove my clothes. I want to take it upon myself to remove them, but before I can, Lucifer taking his hands towards my buttons like the needy bitch he is... he manages to remove every piece of big clothing out of my body, leaving me with nothing but my underwear on.

"Faster than any boner you've ever had." I tease once Lucifer looks down at me with heavier breathing. "Then I'm the eager one..."

"When two people who know how to play, fuck," he says getting on the edge of my nose "there's no way they aren't plating with the devil just a little bit."

I smile at him. "Then, what's your next move, Lucifer?"

"Whatever you want it to be, Lilith."

Holy fuck.

I'm definitely dripping down there.

Alright, yeah, whatever I want...

Laying on the bed, he follows me exactly like I expected. I don't stay there once he almost crushes our lips together, instead, my hand grabs his left arm while my other hand holds the back of his neck, my left leg wrapping around his waist as my other one pushes his waist, placing strength to turn him around, I lift my body up managing to make him be the one laying on the bed with only a quick swing.

"Shit—" That's all Lucifer says staring at my body in front of him, standing on the edge of the bed. "How the hell did you do that?"

I innocently shrug my shoulders. "I have my moves." Unclipping my bra with an easy move, the piece of clothing immediately drops to the floor leading Lucifer still surprised eyes to them. Taking this as an opportunity, I completely remove my underwear off. I don't wait for any words that may come from him, I make my way on top of him feeling his entire bulge under me.

Seeing how Lucifer's mouth goes a bit wide open at what their eyes have in front of them, my mouth can't help but let out a side smile, proud of what I'm causing. "Close your mouth, pretty boy, a fly might go inside."

"Yeah, well, when someone like you is sitting on top of me, a pretty boy has to take a second to process it." He admires my body from my chest to my inner thighs spread open surrounding him.

"Taking your time?" I tease, going down to the edge of his lips.

Meeting my eyes, a smirk comes my way from him. "Have to, Avery. You on top of me for the first time is something that I do like to remember."

"Like a woman in control?" I tease.

He places both of his hands on my waist, bringing me closer agains his pelvis. "When it's you... I like everything."

Ooooh, well— shit.

I bite my lower lip without thinking about it. Strengthening my back, my waist doesn't wait to grind on top of him, side to side, forward and backwards, I don't give his bulge a break. Faster than a second ago, the long breath that comes out of Lucifer as he closes his eyes, sends a proud feeling inside my chest.

"Fuck—" Lucifer whispers out. Being the reply I wanted, my body screams for more too. So, stepping out of on top of him, my fingers gently take his underwear off. He helps me by moving his body as his clothing goes down. I drop it to the side to then go back to his pelvis, allowing me to see his full erection in front of me.

Proud of his dick being like that because of me, placing my knees on the bed to hold my body up over his pelvis, I tease the tip of his erection with my folds gently going forward and back.

I prevent myself from closing my eyes giving into the pleasure his tip is giving me. Since I don't speed the movement, Lucifer's hand go to my waist to pull me down and get harder against him, but my own move them away gaining a smile from him.

"Beg for it?" He teases.

"Impatient, are we?" I tease back as I speed against him. "Do you want me to place you inside of me, Donovan?" I go quicker hearing a low moan coming from his throat. "What? Saying it again." I drop my waist down on him, allowing for his erection to thrust me in a hard movement.

Both of us let out the low moans, getting used the sudden feeling in us.

"Fuck, Avery." Locking eyes with me, Lucifer brings me closer with his hand on my check. "There's still a party downstairs." His quick breathing troubles his words.

"Yeah." I nod with a grin, understanding what's he referring to. "Do you trust yourself on being quiet?"

"What about you? You've proven yourself to be quite the expressive type."

"Maybe—"

"But I have a way to shut you up." He cuts me off.

"You do?"

"Yeah." Preventing from saying anything yes, Lucifer crushes our lips together once again. Placing both of my hands on the side of his head, using that to help me move my waist on him, the way that I slowly start grinding on him allows for a long breath to slip out my nose hitting his face in the process. My knees go even wider around him, dropping my full body weight on top of him to feel Lucifer inside of me as deep as I can.

Troubling to follow my kiss as I speed up, he breaks the kiss to stare at my eyes. Locked with each other, the shine in each eye as his body is getting warmer can't help but send a grin to my lips. Liking it, my back goes back straight for my hands to now rest on his chest and hold myself up, ready to thrust him in and out of me as my hips, with the help of my knees, goes up and down.

"Shit." I hear Lucifer say while his eyes don't leave mine. Making his mouth go a bit wide, the way that his body moves because my body is on top of him gives me the strength to move my hips faster. Feeling my insides suddenly palpitate around his dick, my thighs tense up ready to make my moves a bit harder to keep up. But I don't stop, the pleasure takes control and it doesn't let me catch a breath. "Just like that—" Lucifer whispers out. "Love." My chest gets tight once my ears hear his raspy voice.

The air coming in and out of my mouth getting quicker, tired, asking for a break, bring me to close my eyes to make my moves a bit quicker for a couple of last seconds.

Biting my lower lip as I feel a moan coming out of me, it gets caught on my throat ending up as a low shakily whimper.

"Fuck—" My hips stop finally giving my knees a break. The breathing in the room is quick, being the only thing out ears can hear.

"I have to see something." Lucifer says with his heavy breathing bringing my eyes to him.

"What?" I ask, confused.

He doesn't give me an answer, instead, placing both of his hands on my ass and using the strength of his body to lift me up and turn us both around to lay my back on the bed, suddenly the surprise in my eyes don't hold back on telling him how impressed I am.

"If you look hotter looking down at me, or, up at me." He grins staring at my eyes. "I'm still debating."

"Who said I wanted to be on the bottom?" I tease back.

"C'mon," bringing his lips closer to mine, he brushes our noses together "as much as I loved it, my God, I did, right now I don't want your pretty little body to get tired so quickly."

I don't argue back, me neither.

Looking down as one of his hand reaches down to grab his dick and place it on my cunt, he teases it once his hands are now both by he side of my head. I hold a breath inside of me sucking the tiny pleasure it surrounds me, but once Lucifer meets my eyes, everything that has been growing inside of me slips out. I lost myself in those green eyes shining at me, allowing for my relaxing body to giving in under him. My hand reaches to his cheek ready to pull him closer just like his pelvis is doing, now reaching harder against my cunt. A los gasp escapes my mouth.

Lucifer doesn't place himself inside of me, instead, he strengthens his back while his body is being held by his knees by the side of my ass, opening his legs a bit wide for him to be comfortable in front of me. Grabbing my legs without waiting for a word from me about his change of position, Lucifer places them on top of his shoulders closing them as his dick slowly thrusts me. My legs being in that position, I feel him deeper and tighter inside of me, making the pleasure of it surround my body faster than any time we've had sex.

Speeding his movements in and out of me, giving a gently kiss on my left ankle, Lucifer closes my legs even more for the pressure to be further against my walls. It immediately works, my thighs tense up just like my pelvis gets hit with that familiar warm sensation. He moves quicker shaking a low moan out of his mouth, I follow him, but mine being a bit louder, I take the palm of my hand towards my lips to prevent anything louder to slip out.

The bed starts to shake under us, thankfully making no noise at all, even if Lucifer doesn't hold back and speeds even more with his movements in and out of me.

"Mhm—" My throat shakes out as my eyebrows furrow with the sudden feeling of warmth surrounding my pelvis.

I stare at those green eyes, getting filled with lust the more he moves, that mouth trying to keep the sound of pleasure inside that my own eyes can't help but enjoy their sight and bring even more fire to my pelvis.

Mercilessly thrusting inside of me one last time, my head tilts back getting used to his dick fully inside of me with a hard shock.

Once again, our heavy breathings are the only thing heard in the room. Closing my eyes to enjoy the break, they don't last long like that, since Lucifer opening up my legs to then feel his body getting closer, it makes them go wide open finding a grin on his face. He doesn't say anything like I expect him to, instead, once his elbows rest by the side of my body to hold his, his hips grinding against me make my head tilt back once again as the warmth rushes to my pelvis roughly.

Lucifer's pelvis brushing against my folds make the pleasure of him speeding his movement shake my thighs for a second. He liked that. I can tell by the bigger grin now on his lips. He doesn't stop, even further, he somehow brings his pelvis even down into the bed managing to surround my folds even deeper. Again, a moan gets caught inside my throat. My walls start to palpitate by his dick, my clit, warmer and warmer the more he moves, sends a heavy lifting of my tired pelvis into his to make the coming orgasm stronger. I don't last long there, my body getting tenser drops on the bed once again to wrap my legs around his hips.

"Fuck— fuck." I finally say once my hand leaves my mouth getting hit by the pleasure around my skin. The blood in my veins rushes the more I let myself into it. Lucifer doesn't stop, making it deeper and faster, he moves our bodies together shaking the bed under us. His pelvis grinds so deeply against my folds and clit that my mouth going wide open at the strong sensation allows for a long breath out. "Lucifer—" I manage to slip out. "Don't stop."

I can feel the orgasm coming through, it starts to build itself as a tiny pleasure on the back of my pelvis. It grows the more Lucifer moves, following my comment to finally let it rush through body.

I wrap my arms around his neck to bring his face closer, resting between my chin and chest with his quick breathing brushing against my skin.

A low moan escapes my mouth, so I immediately bite my lower lip to prevent anything else coming out. I make it hurt, the orgasm slowly showing, making the warmth of it slightly shake my body, forces a lot of moans to fight for slipping out of me.

It's strong. My legs as they're wrapped, they go with even more strength around him tensing up as it comes. Even if my lips are closed, the sound of a moan shakes from my throat followed by one of his, also coming low to prevent anyone hearing. Even if there's no fucking chance of that happening, the music being too loud and the room being far, the thought of anyone finding this out... just sends hatred inside of me.

"Shit." I hear Lucifer moan out against my neck.

Finally, the peak of the orgasm hits my body. My head immediately tilts back making my lower lip hurt by my teeth not letting it go, my legs tense even deeper around him just as my heart speeds faster inside my chest. Realising the reaction of my body, Lucifer gives himself a break and lays on top of my body with his tired breathing on top of me.

"Jesus—" I let out giving into the relaxation of the orgasm.

"Jesus?" Lucifer asks meeting my eyes as his elbows rest by the side of my head. "No, love... Lucifer."

I roll my eyes following the cheeky grin forming on his lips. "Right."

"Ah, yes, nothing like making you cum and annoying you a second after. This really is a good night."

A chuckle escapes my mouth. Fuck! "Shut up."

"As you wish, love."

He better stop calling me that! It makes my heart speed!

I can't complain, him crushing our lips together prevents me from doing so. He wants to continue, just like I do too, but Lucifer being on top isn't how I want this good night to end...

Doing the same move as earlier, my body manages to lay his back on the bed without even breaking the kiss. Lucifer's hand fly towards my ass to grab it and give it a little squeeze. My lips form a smile into the kiss, secretly enjoying it.

"Oh—" Lucifer breaks our lips apart as I see a smirk on them. "Would you look at that, Avery likes when I squeeze her ass."

"Shut up."

"I'll do it more often." He teases. "In public too, don't you think? Let everyone see that the bad girl Lilith Avery likes it when I grab her ass. Me. Lucifer Donovan, the guy she hates, despises, can't even have a conversation because they end up fighting." I'm gonna kill him. "Well, look at us, having a conversation alright."

Another chuckle escapes my mouth. "Stop."

"Why? I'm making you laugh."

"I don't want you to make me laugh right now—"

"Oh." He smiles at me. "Another one? You don't have to ask—" Lucifer tries to lift my body once again to turn me around and be the one on top, but my hands, placing themselves on his shoulders to prevent him to do so with all my strength, it makes him look up at me with a cheeky yet confused look on his eyes. "Oh?"

"I stay on top."

"I'm gonna finish faster, Avery, looking at you like that almost made me end it all in a matter of seconds."

I shake my head dropping my body to feel his erection against my folds. "I don't give a shit, Donovan."

"Yes, ma'am." The chuckle escaping his mouth sends an immediate laugh to mine.

Are you serious?!

"You suck."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

My body doesn't let me give him answer, instead, impatient to feel him inside of me once again, my eyes lead down towards his erection to place it right against my clit. Slowly moving forward and back, the way that his head relaxes on the bed as he doesn't leave my eyes make the speed of my hips be more determined on his dick, wanting to make that feeling bigger.

Lucifer takes his right hand to him to hold it straight under me, taking that opportunity, moving a bit forward I slowly make him slip inside of me allowing for a long breath to come out of both of us. "Fuck." I hear him say once he's fully in me.

Tilting my head back, I let the feeling of it surround me and relax my body just to gain more energy and start with my movements. It doesn't take me long, once Lucifer's hands fly towards the side of my hips, grabbing them with strength, my body moves without my brain telling it to.

My heart suddenly speeds just as I grind on him. The desire that I have grows the warmer it gets, sending strength towards my knees to bring my things up and down, slipping Lucifer's boner in and out of me in the process. I immediately speed up needing it to become stronger, my walls feel how his dick palpitates inside of me just like his grip on my hips don't hold back and he does it with more strength, helping my movements.

"You're doing so good, love." Hearing those words, my eyes lead towards his to stare at the lust shining through them. It makes my knees go faster, enjoying everything about him under me. Lost by my movements, not being able to stare away from my body, his hands telling me that he won't last long by the grip of them, his mouth a bit open fighting any sound inside, his chest speeding from the air going in and out of him... why did it took me so long to be on top?

"Shit— Avery." Lucifer's raspy voice shakes under me. I let out a smile, proud.

Even if I want to enjoy him, my movements are affecting me too. My heart can't stop racing just like the fast air filling my lungs and shooting out though my mouth. My throat wants to let out sounds, troubled by everything, but my lips prevent it by going completely shut. Not being able to let my pleasure out from my mouth, my eyebrows furrow themselves once the familiar wave of heat suddenly surrounds my pelvis.

I speed up with the tiny strength my knees have left. I'm glad that Lucifer's hands are helping me, otherwise I would've lost it a whole minute ago. But even if that's a lot helpful, it's not enough. I want to make him finish, so, needing it to continue, my elbows rest on the bed by the side of his head as my face reaches down to his. Doing that, my chest place the pressure on his and bring more of the strength it had to my tired knees and thighs. It immediately works, with Lucifer's hands, my ass manages to move faster on him.

I can't help it, a low moan escapes my mouth. Not wanting to stop, I bring my mouth on his neck for the next moans to get caught on his skin.

"That's it—" Lucifer whimpers out. "That's it, that's it." Followed by a low moan, my legs start to shake around him. Thanks to him, the speed I'm keeping up doesn't slow down, better, he makes me go faster making our pelvis hit each other in the process. "You're doing— so good, love."

Fuck.

He's about to come, I can tell by the way he's not able to hold my ass with the same strength anymore. That doesn't matter to me, somehow, I manage to keep it all together even if my breathing seems to be quicker than ever.

"Please— shit, Lilith, don't you fucking stop." I can feel Lucifer's breathing going so fast that the air coming out of his mouth violently hits the side of my face. A low and long moan coming from him leads my eyes to the way his hands hold the cover of the bed, finally, finishing inside of me.

My knees immediately stop moving needing to relax, I close my eyes enjoying the break, even if the shaking of tiredness doesn't go away.

Lucifer, while his breathing still as fast as it can get, takes his right hand and grabs the back of my neck with it. His other one, takes the job to caress my thigh, massaging them to make the break even more worth it.

"You did so good, love, so fucking good."

I can't reply to his words, or even move my body at this point. It's exhausted, it can't even drop to the side to lay my back on the bed.

"Avery." I hear him calling my name, but I don't respond. Only heavy breathing is coming out of my body. "Love." Moving his body, with both of his hands, Lucifer lifts my body up for him to be able to slip out from under me. I finally manage to look up and stare at him, now with his back laying against the pillows at the beginning of the bed as I sit back, not moving from my prior place. "Come here."

"Why?" I finally speak.

"Sit on my face." He says with a heavy chest.

I stay put.

What?

He said those words like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Looking up, one of his hands reach to the pillow under him to put it on a different angle, better for his head to look straight up.

"Avery." Lucifer calls my name.

I don't move, still processing his words.

Is he being serious?

Noticing this, a little grin is formed on the corner of his lips. "You want to be on top, that's fine, but there's no way my tongue isn't fucking you tonight."

Oh... he is being serious.

I don't have the time to come up with anything to say, Lucifer's back leaves the bed to crush our lips together. His right hand grabs my cheek to keep me in place while he's other one just by placing it under my thighs, with strength that I haven't seen anyone have, he lifts my body placing it on top of him as his back rests once again against the bed. My face follows his, not wanting to break our lips apart.

Letting go of my cheek, now with both hands on the back of my thighs, Lucifer gently pushes my body forward, making me let go of his lips to strengthen my back and finally end up sitting on his chest. "Grab the headboard, love."

I don't argue back, honestly, my body is still processing what's happening. Maybe it's because I've never sit on someone's face before, or because Lucifer is so fucking confident on himself that he won't finish until he's given everything that he has to offer to me.

My body, for the first time while having sex, is nervous.

The cold and rough edge of the headboard brushes against my skin once I grab it, ready to let Lucifer lead my body to his face. He doesn't wait any longer, with the tiny help of my knees, moving without my brain telling them to, the way that he confidently places my inner thighs right under his nose sends some tingles to the pit of my stomach. My mouth immediately has to let out a long breath feeling how his lips slowly brush my suddenly wet folds.

My knees still hold my body up, not wanting to crush both of his places to breath out. I don't want to kill him. Even if that would feel amazing and it has been on my mind for a while... hiding his body in the middle of a dinner party would definitely be difficult. But Lucifer doesn't care, annoyed that I stopped my pelvis from going down, with a bit of strength he pushes me until I can feel his full face under me, causing for a low gasp to jump out of my mouth.

My head tilts back once the tip of his tongue teases my folds, going backwards and forwards, he doesn't stop there with that move, instead, he's caressing everything that could make me get filled with that pleasure inside of me. My cunt, slightly going in but then pulling away a couple of times, he then goes to my clit to swirl around in a slow but firm motion. His nose is placed against the beginning of my folds, giving to the whole combination of lust my body is experiencing.

Lucifer, stopping on my clit, he speeds up doing circles around it, causing for a low moan to shake out of my mouth. Again, to prevent it, I bite my lower lip and let my forehead rest on the headboard between my two hands. My heart speeds the moment he grabs the side of my hips with even more strength and pushes me further down.

Even if I'm enjoying everything he's doing to me and my body, I still feel like I'm crushing him and he's not gonna be able to breathe anymore, so, like a natural reaction my knees bring my waist up just a bit. But he immediately stops me from doing it. Lifting his chin up, Lucifer's mouth is out in the open. "Avery, when I said sit on my face, I meant sit on my fucking face."

"You're not gonna be able to breathe!" I admit my concern even if my brain didn't want to.

"I don't give a shit! Rather not breathe than not making you cum." Say that again. "I already told you once, if I go, it better be between your legs, Avery." My heart jumps to my stomach like a full on diver. "Now, stop lifting yourself up and let my tongue fuck you."

Ok, heart, calm the fuck down.

Once again, with his hands still on my hips, Lucifer drops my body the moment his lips go back to his prior place. I can tell that he's annoyed at me for doing that, stopping him, his tongue immediately rushing to my clit and mercilessly moving it around for me to break on top of him tells me that.

"Fuck—" I whimper out dropping my head back as my body is surrounded with that wave of heat. My thighs slightly shake when Lucifer speeds his tongue, roughly fucking my clit as if there's no tomorrow to live. Not wanting me to stop his movements, Lucifer's hands hold me in place with the entire strength he has.

I can't help it, a low moan shakes out of my mouth as the orgasm peeks through around my pelvis. "Don't stop." I beg him even if my tired breathing troubles my words.

He doesn't fucking listen. Lucifer's tongue leaves my clit.

Oh, asshole.

"Fuck you." My tired voice lets out in a whisper followed by a chuckle coming from him.

"We have time, Avery."

"Yeah, time for me to think ways of kill—oh, shit, fuck.." His tongue regains the rough movements against my clit. A long breath shakes out of my mouth as my forehead rests on the headboard, giving into the sudden tension my thighs are receiving. Getting like that, they immediately want to close around Lucifer's face, crushing him further in the process. This time, before my hips could even think about lifting themselves up, his hands hold me in place like before.

How is he still alive, I have no fucking clue.

My body can feel the orgasm coming through, my heart can't stop speeding just like the air slipping in and out of my chest. My head can't help but tilt back as a low moan escapes my mouth, cut short by my hand flying towards my mouth to make it shake out lower. My pelvis starts to shake, my feet go tense, my eyes roll back, and my body... my body completely loses itself on top of him.

A rough moan escapes from the back of my throat, hurting it in the process. The peak of the orgasm is about to come, my whole body senses it.

Lucifer's tongue... stops.

Fuck the whole hiding his body being difficult. I'm definitely gonna kill him now.

"I want to be close to your face as you cum, Avery."

Alright— maybe not yet.

He doesn't let me give him a response, lifting my body up, Lucifer places his back against the headboard as his fingers start working on my folds, not wanting to give it a break. "Lucifer." My tongue says quickly, without even going through my brain. "Make me finish."

"What?" He teases.

Asshole.

"Make me finish."

"I can't hear you."

His thumb slowly makes circles with my clit the moment his middle and index finger slip inside of me, causing for a long relaxing breath to escape my mouth. "Please— Lucifer, make me cum." My forehead drops tiredly on his shoulder.

"Now, that's a good girl."

His loves when he says that and I don't reply, loving it on the inside. Hearing my words, Lucifer's thumb goes quicker against my clit just like the tip of his two fingers curl themselves and make my wet insides get warmer. They move around gently, even if his thumb speeds immediately sending that wave of heat to my pelvis. This time, the orgasm peeking through comes quicker than times before, almost as if it's on its way to make me finish and tense every single part of my body as fast as it can.

My breathing goes quicker as well, brushing against Lucifer's skin while my forehead can't seem to leave the comfort of being held by his shoulder.  He doesn't give me a break, he wants me to finish this time just like my words begged him. Speeding, his thumb goes roughly on my clit making it palpitate in the process.

The combination of his fingers curled and moving inside of me and the speed of his thumb on my clit shake my thighs enough for them to want to close around his waist. Doing this, the pressure of them being closer between them other it makes me feel his fingers even deeper inside of me, taking this opportunity that I know Lucifer is aware of, his thumb doesn't hesitate on fucking my clit to finally make me reach that wanted orgasm.

Everything of me loses, my hands, wrapped around the headboard, go tighter around it hurting my skin in the process, my feet go tense just like my pelvis, getting hit with that sudden fire, my eyes go immediately close just as my head buries itself on his neck, slightly sucking Lucifer's skin with my lips to prevent anything loud from slipping out.

My throat whimpers out a moan, long, low and deep, that it almost makes my body shatter under it. My back shakes following my pelvis, causing for Lucifer's free hand to hold the back of my neck to hold me in place. Another moan shakes out from my throat.

I can't bare it anymore.

"I know, I know." Lucifer's soft words make my heart tremble. "You're doing so good, keep it like that."

My thighs hurt from how tense they are, shaking just like the bed under us.

"Love, you can do it."

His thumb doesn't stop, making my arms shake as they go around his neck to hold my body from falling apart. Another moan jumps out, louder this time because of the orgasm coming through. "You sound so pretty when I fuck you, Avery."

Finally, following his sweet voice, the peek of the orgasm hits my body to make it feel like a scream could come out of my mouth if it wasn't being hold back by my lips sucking Lucifer's skin. My heavy chest touches his, my thighs go completely shut around him as my eyes roll back no matter that they're closed.

A single tear drops down my cheek. I stay still, with my heavy breathing and my tired body, relaxing on top of his body like my life depended on it. And it looks like it does, the moment that Lucifer takes his hand to my back and caresses my skin while his other one grabs my thigh to massage it, my heart calms down from beating extremely fast.

"If I was hard," Lucifer takes my attention towards him "I'm a hundred percent sure that I would've cum again from having your body like that on top of me." He admits as his hand leaves my back to grab my cheek and lead my eyes to him. I still don't open them. "Avery— Oh my God, why are you crying? Did I hurt you? Avery, answer me, did I hurt you?" The concern on his voice makes my eyes open, finding  nothing but worry in his.

"No." I slowly shake my head. He takes both of his hands towards my cheeks. "You didn't."

"Tell me the truth."

"You didn't, I promise."

"Don't scare me like that." A long breath of relief comes out of his mouth. Caressing his thumb against my cheek, he wipes the almost dry tear away. "Fuck, Lilith. I thought I hurt you."

"I would've kicked you in the balls if you made me hurt." A chuckle comes from him.

Finally, being able to regain the control of my body, I let it drop to the side to rest my back on the headboard just like Lucifer's.

"Do your grandparents own a dog?" His sudden question furrows my eyebrows, but anyway, a fake chuckle escapes my mouth soon after.

"If any sort of animal placed a foot inside this house, the only thing you would hear is Joyce freaking out, trying to kick it out."

"What about Philip?"

"Reading his newspaper not acknowledging the animal. Why the sudden question?" I can't help but ask.

Shrugging his shoulders innocently, Lucifer gives me a little smile. "I want a dog."

"You want a dog?"

"Yeah, I always wanted one."

I nod, still confused. "Great."

Noticing the expression on my face, Lucifer also furrows his eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm a bit confused on how did you go from me kicking you in the balls to you wanting a dog."

"Well, I don't think having a cigarette on your grandparent's house is the best choice so consider this my cigarette after sex."

"Yeah," I nod as a chuckle escapes my mouth "Joyce would definitely smell it even if she's not in the house. My mom probably too, she has a great sense of smell." I remember her ability to smell the alcohol I had drank the night before, even if I took a shower before going to bed.

And the morning after.

Nothing passed by her.

"Would you ever get a dog?" Lucifer's question brings me back to him.

"I don't know. I've never had the money to take care of a pet so I never really thought about it. I can barely take care of myself."

"If you had it, would you?"

Why so many questions?

"Maybe. Who knows?"

"Or are you more of a cat person?"

"Oh, I love black cats."

"Why?"

I get weirded out by his sudden interest in me and what kind of animals I would have as a pet. I don't think I've ever seen Lucifer this interested in something that came out of my own mouth... ignoring when my words tell him to fuck me. Yeah, completely leaving that part out.

"I don't know," I admit "they're dark. I love witches and witches always have black cats."

"You know what? I could totally see you owning a black cat."

"It's gonna be my journey to becoming a witch."

A chuckle escapes his mouth sending a little tingle to the pit of my stomach. Shut up. "And curse me for the rest of my life."

"Oh, absolutely." Before I can even put a thought on why the fucking tingles are back after I hear his laugh, my sudden attention goes towards his hand as it goes to my cheek, ready to grab it. "What are you doing?" I ask, as soon as I feel it against my skin.

Getting closer, Lucifer slowly shakes his head, annoyed. "Just let me fucking kiss you, Avery."

And just like that, our lips join together. Immediately, the control my brain had in my body it completely goes away. My hand does the same as his and goes towards his other cheek, bringing him closer to my skin making the kiss deeper.

For a bit, I lose myself in him. My heart slows down just like the air coming in and out of my nose, relaxed, enjoying every second he controls my lips into the kiss.

The two pieces of the puzzle come together when we touch, fitting in perfectly. Tasting what we're used to, the warm doesn't wait to rush to my veins and bring joy to my chest. Our lips aren't moving in a quick rhythm, allowing themselves to enjoy the little sparkles flying through our touch.

My body doesn't want it to stop, it wants Lucifer to keep kissing me as if my lips are the last piece of air inside a closed box in the bottom of the ocean.

Fuck.

Why does he make me feel like this?

I should be able to leave now.

I fucking should.

Leave.

Now.

My lips don't leave his.

We said that after sleeping with him, we needed to leave. To prove that we don't love him like mom says.

Stop.

You're right.

We're just fucking. I hate him. I despise him. I don't do love. That's me. That's Lilith Avery. And no one has ever gonna change that.

I do not love him.

Finally, with all the strength my body has, I break our lips apart to immediately leave the bed and start looking for my clothes all over the floor.

"I have to go." Once my eyes locate my pants and everything else by the side of the bed, I immediately start to dress myself, not giving Lucifer any eye contact.

Why? I don't know.

"What?" I hear his voice ask softly, confused.

"We fucked." I let out without any sort of feeling in those words, even if my stomach can't stop tingling. "Now it's time to get the hell out of here." Finally, I start doing my shoes. "I'll leave and you wait around five minutes?"

He doesn't respond to me. I want to look at his eyes and see what they're thinking, what they're trying to tell me, but I don't. I hold myself away. "I thought— never mind." He immediately stops himself.

"You thought what?" When Lucifer leaves the bed, I can't help it, I stare at him now changing. "This is what we do, Lucifer, why so hesitant?"

My chest hurts. The way his eyes look at me with a different shine than usual, almost as if they're made of glass and something was just thrown at them, making then shutter into a million pieces.

"I'll wait five minutes." Lucifer doesn't answer my question. "You don't need to worry about me." His voice sounds angry, they came out firmer than mine from a second ago.

"Fine." I let, annoyed as I turn around and head to the door.

"Fine."

"Better wait ten, we don't want anyone suspecting."

"No, we don't." Even more annoyed than me. "So you better leave now."

I don't meet his eyes, the door swings open when my hand opens it. My feet immediately take me to the bathroom by the left side to get myself fixed. My throat fights whatever is going inside of me away.

Anger?

Frustration?

Sadness?

Any other feeling that I could think of?

I look at myself in the mirror. My makeup is a complete mess, my mascara is running down, my blush isn't there anymore, the gloss in my lips is all over my chin and cheeks, and the eyeshadow looks like I tried to dress myself as a raccoon.

Opening the water from the sink, my hands take care of cleaning myself up. My throat closes up suddenly remember his face. I slowly shake my head letting the drops of water run down my skin... I hate it. I can't even stand feeling like this.

Why is it so fucking hard?

Time to let it go. Fuck. Time to brush these feelings away. Trying to do so, my feet leave the bathroom to head downstairs, ready to join the dinner party again.

"Lilith!" The sound of my brother's excited voice brings a tiny smile to my face, even if my body, smiling is the last thing it desires to do. "There you are! Look at the size of this mushroom!"

Arriving next to my brother and his crazy curly hair, he shows me the biggest vegetable I've ever seen. "Jesus— in a minute it's gonna grow legs and start walking."

Teddy laughs at my joke.

Oh, that's nice.

"Yeah! Did you eat something? The pizza is amazing!" His hand grabs mine without waiting for an answer from me. "Lucifer! Come eat something too!"

Shit.

No, no, no. Don't come here.

Thankfully, I don't feel his presence by my side. My eyes can't help but turn to the right, meeting his. Lucifer's talking to my mom like he's saying goodbye to her, followed by a hug breaking our eye contact apart. Almost crushing my body with Teddy's as he dragging me to the food table, my eyes lead towards my walk to not end up on the floor.

Quickly, and almost without even thinking about it, I go back to where I last saw him, hoping on the inside to find him.

But he's no longer there, feeling nothing but disappointment inside of me.

Fuck. Stop.

I don't love him. I don't even like him. We hate each other. We want to kill each other. Lucifer and I would never be able to have a simple conversation without ending it on a fight or even annoy the other with just a simple phrase. That's us.

Lucifer and Lilith, the two classmates that find themselves arguing about the tiniest and most stupid things. Two stubborn people that don't work together, that no matter how much the universe would want us to be something else than that, our smart mouths wouldn't allow us. Not even friends. Not even two strangers who have a common friend.

I do not like him.

I do not love him.

Then why hasn't my heart stopped racing when I saw those fucking green eyes?

...