"and I know honesty is missing here, but our bodies say it easier"

bea miller — "girlfriend"

"Alright, now your silence is starting to creep me out." I say the moment we both step inside Lucifer's apartment.

Not a single word has been let out by his mouth, just a look down and a quick body taking us both here on his motorcycle. I can't blame him, he must have a lot of thoughts inside his head after his fight with Alexander. Not to mention the frustration and anger he must feel by remembering Adam Deniov and all sort of things he must have gone through. But, even if I can understand that, the questions and intrigue can't help it and don't leave my body. The wonder of if I'm right rushes to me like a poison there's no cure to, or maybe there is, and only knowing the answer to everything, the truth, may take it all away.

"What?" He finally says, giving me a look as he stands deeper in the room while I stay behind by the door.

"You haven't said anything all the way here, and for you, it's not normal."

"I don't want to talk about anything." He quickly tried to brush my concern away.

But it doesn't work. Saying that to me, increases the possibilities of him being involved and knowing Adam, more than just a simple friendship between a professional fighter and his student. Even if questions rush to my head like a million of shooting starts, they don't leave through my mouth. Instead, I simply nod, not feeling like it's the right moment to ask.

"Fine. Do you... want to play chess?" I joke to try and make him feel better. Don't ask me why I'm doing this, just go with it. "I don't think there's a lot of talking there. Expect for "hey, dude, fuck you! Check mate!""

No laugh comes from him, not even a chuckle, just his frustrated eyes staring at me and my body standing by the door. "Is everything a big joke to you?"

"Excuse me?" I feel like an idiot. I'm here trying to make him feel better, even if it could kill me, and he says that to me! Asshole! "Just because you had a big boy fight with Alexander doesn't mean that you get to take it out on me, Lucifer."

Letting out a big sigh in frustration, he looks away from my eyes towards the floor and heads to the couch.

Maybe it is the time to ask. If not now, when? It's not a secret that I heard his fight with Alexander. Every time that I found out something or heard a conversation, it was because I was hiding, pretending to be doing something else or doing it even if I shouldn't be. He knows I heard those words, he knows that I'm gonna start wondering what they meant, I'm not a plant, I have a brain and get curious. It's a normal thing.

"You can't blame a girl for wondering, but," I start, ignoring any bad outcome from this "what did you mean by terrorising?" I get closer to the couch hoping to hear at least a word coming from Lucifer, but he doesn't say anything, instead, he crosses his arms around his chest facing me with his back. "Who's career did Alexander ruin?" I try to ask again something different. "Did you know them?" Silence. Only his breathing getting quicker the more my mouth speaks. I can't stop, my tongue being able to finally ask all of the things that had been killing my brain grows the need to let them all out without a care in the world. "Is their family... alright?"

"Fuck, Lilith!" Finally, I get a reaction from him. Brusquely turning around, the anger in those green eyes is the first thing mine notice. "Why do you always have to ask so many fucking questions?!"

"I don't know, you say all of that stuff and one can't help but wonder!"

"Drop it because it's non of your business!"

Our bodies get closer the more the argument grows.

"I'm sorry but after I get hurt by a douchebag because of this it's starts being my fucking business!"

"No, it isn't! Stop asking questions you don't want to know the answer to!"

"How would I know that I don't want to if I don't know them! That is just an excuse to not tell me!"

"I can't tell you, Lilith!"

"Why not?!"

Lucifer takes both of his hands towards my cheeks to hold them without giving me chance to react. "Because you carried one fucking envelope and look what happened! Who knows what could happen if you knew the whole story?!"

Now the anger in his eyes turns into frustration and worry, and all of that, transports to me with his words coming out weaker than the ones before.

"No one would know, it's only us here!"

"They would!"

"Alexander?"

"Stop asking, please." Lucifer begs slowly shaking his head.

A side of me needs to do what he says, hating the look on his face, but the other side of me, can't contain it anymore and knows that the intrigue of not knowing what's hurting him is gonna tear me apart.

"It's not a secret you two don't get along!" My voice goes weaker too, not being able to come out as loud as before.

"To you, it should be!"

"Too late for that, my guy!"

Lucifer doesn't respond to my words continuing with the argument. Instead, unexpected as he is, his eyes go down to my lips while his heavy breathing doesn't slow down. I don't say a word losing myself in the way that those green eyes don't let go of my lips, and when his thumb caresses my skin, it doesn't help me either.

"It's too late for a lot of things." Lucifer finally says, almost in a whisper regretful of everything.

"Like what?" I ask in the same tone as his begging for an answer this time.

Just like before, he goes quiet without giving me one. I close my eyes tired of it, frustrated.

I need to know what's getting him like this, what's hurting him and making him act this way. I need it... because I want to make it go away. I want to make him feel better even if it kills me searching for the answer.

My brain finally realises why I can't let it go. Strangely as it is, I don't need it because my curiosity is bigger than anything else in me, worse, way worse, my body wants it because it could mean that I could make it better for him. Make it disappear. Or at least, understand him in a way that no one can.

I open my eyes hating my realisation to find his eyes still staring down at my lips. His thumb hasn't stopped caressing my skin, but soon it moves to my lower lip to gently touch it. A long breath comes out of Lucifer, I do the same, enjoying his touch.

Now this time he's the one that closes his eyes, frustrated. I don't move, waiting for something from him.

"You should leave." He finally says, still with his eyes closed.

"What?" I can't help but show my surprise in those words through my voice. "Why?"

For the thousand time, he doesn't give me an answer.

Fuck!

When is it gonna end?! The silence?!

Anger rushes to my veins the quickest it can mixing itself with frustration, making it all a mess inside of my head like a tornado breaking everything apart. I'm exhausted!

I can't be feeling like this, wanting to make the guy I hate feel better. No. He's not a friend and he's definitely not someone who deserves my time.

"I don't need this and I don't need you." My tongue speaks out for my anger, even if my brain can't come up with anything to say. "Fuck this."

Finally deciding to turn around to leave this room behind, my feet make their way towards the door not wanting to be in his presence any longer.

"I don't need you either."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Hopefully we don't see each other ever again!"

"Hopefully!"

I turn around to look at him once my hand is on the handle. "And next time you get fucking horny I better be the last person you think of annoying with your ugly face!"

"Believe me, you'll be the last of the last!"

The quickness of the door almost crushes my body, but I don't care, I'm finally out of that dark apartment. "Fuck you!"

"Fuck you too!"

Why did I think me and him could even go a day without fighting? He's a man! I don't have a great relationship with them and it will never change!

What was I thinking? That we could at least pretend for a second to like each other and then be best friends so he could tell me all about his past? No! We can't even do that! He's such a stubborn son of a bitch that my head wasn't even able to give in to the play of wanting to care. Fuck! I feel like a complete idiot. Me, thinking that I could get anywhere with this asshole! He's just... ugh!

And the fact that he has the audacity to get mad at me for asking! Something that I'm totally entitle to, by the way! Why is he persistent about hiding it all?! It's just a stupid secret just like he is... stupid stupid stupid!

Lost in my own thoughts, my feet suddenly stop once my eyes realise where I'm standing. The middle of road while cars pass by on my left side is all I can see, how the sound of each one fly faster than the one before. I find myself crossing my arms around my chest waiting for a taxi to pass by and take me to my dorm, if I keep walking I'm definitely gonna get there tomorrow morning.

I wait and I wait. Nothing. My eyes delicately see every car pass just to see if I'm lucky enough for one to be a taxi, but, let's be honest, my life is anything but be lucky. Maybe if I walk a bit more one will arrive.

Deciding to keep on moving, my head can't help on going back to Lucifer and his words. How can he go from wanting to tear any man apart that lays eyes on me to yelling at me for doing something as simple as asking in a matter of a couple of minutes? Literally, I have no clue.

And how can I, my feelings, to be more exact, turn from wanting to make him feel better to... wanting to make him nothing but pain because he's such an asshole?

Life's a mystery, isn't it?

Hoping to see a taxi behind me, to my surprise, one with a red light on top of the car does come my way. Maybe I'm not that unlucky after all.

"Hi," I pop my head through the window once the car stops letting me see the 60 year old man inside the car, with a beard so light white and long, he looks like Santa Clause. "Street 58, please?" I say getting a simple nod and a sweet smile from the taxi driver.

"Get it, honey. I'll take ya'" His southern accent can be heard from miles.

Finally feeling a warmer surrounding from getting inside of the car, I let a long sigh out being able to relax after a long time. The moment the car starts, the sound of my phone getting a message hits my ears. I recognise the sound immediately, it's Ada.

"Ryker's ok, Lil."

I smile to myself reading it, glad that my friend and her boyfriend are alright.

"I'm probably gonna stay with him tonight." I continue reading her message. "Where are you?"

Another sigh comes out of my mouth. I hate lying to Ada, and I'm now realising how bad it is that I've been hiding my hate/sex relationship with Lucifer. It was just a big joke that didn't deserve to be a topic of conversation between her and I. But now, I'm not so sure of it.

She's gonna hate me.

"I'm glad he's ok!" I start typing. "I'm going back to our dorm right now."

"Alright. Stay safe, and let me know when you get there."

After sending her a smily face, I quickly block my phone to let it rest on my legs as my eyes stare out the window. I can't wait to get in my bed and sleep until next year, that's all I need right now. Or maybe a bowl or cereal, depends on what I get first.

"Hey, you seem a bit worried." The taxi driver asks in a soft tone making my eyes turn to him. "Are you alright?"

Simply nodding, I fake a smile out. "Yeah yeah, just a bit tired."

"I have a daughter your age, honey," his sweet voice doesn't change "maybe a bit younger, but... I know that face. Is it boy trouble?"

"Life's a bit of a mess right now, if I'm being honest." I don't know why I'm being honest, my mouth isn't questioning this man talking to me, instead, it feels comfortable. Something about him.

"Oh, yeah, well, life has a way of kicking us all in the butt, that's for sure. But you don't let it kick you down all the time, yeah? C'mon, chin up, kick it in the butt back."

I find myself smiling getting warmer on the chest. "I'll do that."

"If you don't mind me asking, is this boy... your boyfriend?"

"Oh, dear God no," I quickly shake my head "I would never—"

"Why not, dear?"

Well— we hate each other. But we also sleep with each other. It would too weird if those words came out of my mouth. "It's complicated." So, instead, I choose that.

"If life wasn't complicated we would be bored to the ground, honey!" His way or talking makes me let out a chuckle. I've never found someone this positive, or sweet talking all the time. Maybe he actually is Santa Clause.

Oh, boy.

What am I? Five?

"I always tell my daughter that if a boy ever makes her feel bad, she has to remember who she is, ain't nobody can take that away from you and that is an incredible power."

Something about hearing those words coming from him makes my heart sink to my stomach. Must be nice to have someone like him as a role model. "Your daughter is very lucky to have you."

Slowly nodding, the sweet smile that he had since I got in this car it turns into a little one, letting his head remember something old. "Since her momma died, I need to be there for her all the time I can, ya' know?"

Oh.

"I'm sorry to hear that." That's all I can find to say.

"It was a long time ago... cancer." I wait for him to fade away from the conversation, not wanting to bring back something painful, or at least, that's the common thing to do. But no. Not this man, for my surprise, a big happy smile appears on his face. "She was as stubborn as I was, ha! At the beggining of our relationship I didn't know if we were gonna last, we could never go a day without arguing about something, stupid or not!"

Lucifer and his damn smile comes to my head. Go away.

"How did you guys make it work?"

"We loved each other very much, dear. Our fights made us stronger because we realised that, yes, sometimes we argued about our differences, but we would always find our ways to each other and it made us understand that no one is the same. It made us grow as human beings."

Alright, this is starting to creep me out. How come this man and his wife remind me of Lucifer and I?

"Eventually we learned how to communicate and not fight all the damn time, even if she liked to yell like the birds in the morning." He laughs, those ones that you hear on the TV only old man can do. "Being my own person but sharing it with her was the best decision I ever took."

"What if I never can make it work?" The question comes out without my brain realising it. Maybe it has been deep inside me digging itself to escape.

"If love is involved, anything's possible."

That familiar word awakes something in me, something that makes me realise the type of conversation I'm having with this strange man.

"Oh, love, no, no—"

"Love is a strange feeling, dear. It will confuse ya', but at the same time, I'll make you the most sure you've ever been in your life. You'll know."

"Know what?" I ask, confused.

"When the feeling is inside ya'. Trust me."

If only I could understand what the hell happens inside of me, it'd make it all a lot easier.

Not being able to give him an answer I stare out the window to look at the million of starts in the dark sky.

Lucifer and I are too similar, we can't even have a sex/hate relationship together without turning it into chaos. Why would I think that we could ever make something as a friendship happen? We can't. The biggest reason of them all? We hate each other. That's the strongest feeling inside of us towards the other person. There's nothing that could change that, it started that way and that's how it's gonna end.

Me knowing his past as a boxer and how much was he involve with Adam is too much. I get it now. It's not my business. He was right. If I made it clear for him to stay out of mine and keep his nose where it doesn't belong, I should do the same. Fuck. I feel like a complete idiot. We both made an agreement that our relationship was pure sex, and that's it.

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable, dear. I'm sorry if I did." His sweet voice talks again gaining a shake of the head from me.

"No, don't worry. I actually feel like I needed this, you're the first man than I've ever had a real conversation with."

He smiles at me, giving me a quick look and a simple nod as the car stops where I can see the big gates in front of me.  "Make this boy the second one, yeah?"

My heart jumps a beat. Oh, boy.

I don't know what to say to that either. So, paying the man and thanking him for the ride I get out of the car finally being able to feel the safety of being somewhere I know.

The walk towards my dorm is automatic. I don't even have to look where I'm walking to get there.

The night is a bit cold and my skin knows it, the wind blowing around me makes my fingertips ask for warmth as well and my arms. Crossing them around my chest I speed my walk hoping to get there sooner and finally feel the comfortableness of my own dorm.

The familiar sound of my building door when it opens hits my ears the moment I do so, probably waking a couple of students getting their night rest.

Sorry!

I let a long breath out seeing my door from a far. But before, the sound of the wind hitting the windows gets my attention first. It's extremely strong to the point of moving the window in the process and making it look like a horror movie. Maybe it's gonna rain tonight.

I get my keys out of my pocket ready to open my door and get inside. The same couch that I see every day the second I walk through the door appears in front of me making my body need to lay on it like I've only done drunk before.

I get rid of my shoes and walk bare foot towards the mini fridge to take out the bottle of milk and the box of cereal laying on top of it. Quick as I can, I pour myself a bow of cereal already tasting it inside of my mouth.

I don't even take my time to look for a tiny spoon, the biggest one than my eyes lay on is enough for me. Even better. The bigger the bite, the bigger the heart.

The moment I sit on my couch and take the cereal to my mouth, the sound of my mouth chewing is soon followed by the rain dropping on the window from my room. I smile to myself. Rain and cereal? This night turned out to be perfect.

Lifting my knees up to make myself into a ball still on the couch, I let my ears and eyes relax by everything around me. The darkness mixed with the slight light from the outside peeking through the window, the rain, now stronger than when it started, hitting the window and the taste of the sweet cereal entering my body. This combination is definitely underrated.

Staring down at the bowl in my hand the realising that I'm almost finishing it makes me roll my eyes, why do I have to be such a fast eater? Dropping my feet on the floor to get more, the sound of the rain immediately becomes louder enabling to even hear my own thoughts.

"Jesus..." I let out hearing it getting louder and louder the more seconds pass.

Getting up from the couch to walk towards the fridge, as soon as I drop the bowl on top of it, it makes a sound louder than I expected. But it confuses me, it didn't sound like it came from the bowl, instead, from something outside my door.

I quickly ignore it, probably someone getting inside their room. It's a hallway full of dorms, noises are a common thing in here.

It happens again soon followed by the sound of the building door being opened and heavy steps. Someone's having a rough night with this rain... or they're extremely drunk, one or the other.

Opening the cereal box the second my eyes see what's left inside, not much, the sound can be heard louder from my dorm. It's getting closer and closer.

More and more, slowly but steady.

Until it stops right outside my door.

What the fuck?

Ada? Why would Ada be here? She's with Ryker taking care of him. If I hear her loud keys then it's her, not worrying me at all of the strange noise, even if it confuses that she's here to begin with.

I wait for it but it doesn't come. Worse, the loud noises become silence. Not even footsteps getting further away from my dorm being someone that got the wrong number and later realised. Nothing. Just the sound of the rain still happening outside my window, turning it all into a creepy situation.

If it's someone that would want to come inside my room, why aren't they knocking? Calling my name? Or, why aren't they trying to break in?

Oh my God, what if they're trying to break in?!

Automatically, my hands grab the baseball bat still with the sock covering it. Lifting it up ready to hit the strange person if they ever come inside, I get closer to the door hoping that it's all in my head and they're gonna walk away any second now.

They don't, worse, the shadow of someone being on the other side of my door appears on the floor.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Don't panic.

Don't panic?! How many crime shows have I watched that start like this?! Thousands! First, the strange noises, feeling clueless about it thinking it's something else, then footsteps followed by shadows! Then, boom! You're dead!

Taking my phone out of my back pocket to leave it on under the couch in case anything bad happens, I kneel down removing my earring too dropping in by the couch giving anyone the hint to pick it up and see my phone underneath. Ada has to know something bad has happened because I would never leave without my phone.

Oh, God, I've definitely watched too many crime shows.

One has to be ready for anything! Who knows what's outside my door right now and what could happen?! No one!

"Shit." The strange person talks.

I immediately furrow my eyebrows, confused, I've definitely heard that voice before. The sound of the rain enables me to hear it fully and recognise it, so, ignoring any thought in my brain telling me how bad of an idea is this, I walk closer to the door.

"Fuck." I can hear it clearer now.

You have to be kidding me.

"Lucifer?" I ask dropping the baseball bat by the side of my body. Peeping through the hole in my door a familiar head with wet messy dark blonde hairs appears on the other side, making me let out a long breath of relief.

"Lilith." His voice sounds weak and tired, almost being troubled by his quick breathing.

Without questioning it, I open the door letting me see the beaten Lucifer holding under his chest in pain with his left hand while his right rests on the wall, trying to hold his body up.

Locking eyes with me, those green eyes show me the pain that he's feeling and enables me to find a word to say. The surprise consumes my body and sends me into shock as I stare at that face of his, expressing pain like I've never seen it before, not even in a fight.

"I didn't know where else to go." His voice is soft from all the pain his body must be feeling.

My eyes look down to his neck seeing a bunch of tiny bruises forming on his skin. Slowly tracing upwards towards his eyes, a couple of scratches with blood dripping from them can't pass unnoticed by me even if the light on the hallway isn't the best one.

"I'm sorry."

I still can't find anything to say focused on the man in front of me and his beaten body, his thick lips carry a heavy breathing out while his wet body drops water to the floor, making a mess of it all. Once I look at his eyes again, my heart speeds hating what I'm seeing. There's not a single thought inside of me that could explain this, not even the million of crimes shows that I watched in my 21 years of life.

What the hell is happening?

"Lilith?"

Hearing Lucifer's voice breaks my trance and wakes my tongue ready to let my shock go. "You're hurt!" I say in the most outrages tone.

"Really? I didn't notice."

Grabbing his arm to slowly walk him inside and let him sit on the couch, I close the door behind us while a million of questions finally rush to my head. "What happened? Did someone rob you? Are you bleeding anywhere? Why are you here?"

Letting out a grunt in pain as he sits down, Lucifer slowly shakes his head. "A lot of questions for a guy that feels like his own thoughts received a beating."

"Well—!"

"I can't blame a girl for wondering." I meet his eyes. My mouth doesn't open since my head is too focused on his words. His look doesn't give me frustrated anymore, instead, a slight hint of regret shines through his eyes. Enabling me to keep staring at them, Lucifer looks down to the floor holding under his chest in pain.

"Your earring's on the floor."

Rolling my eyes as I kneel down to grab it as well as my phone, I come back to a confused look in Lucifer's face. "Just in case something bad happened. You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry—"

"I know, it's fine," I shake my head "don't worry about it."

"I'll answer your questions before you get even more mad at me." Ignoring my words, Lucifer continues before I can even let a breath out. "What happened? Some guys attacked me. Did someone rob me? No, the only thing that those guys took was another beating from my part. Am I bleeding anywhere?" He grunts again the moment he tries to move more comfortably on the couch. "Probably. And, why am I here?" Lucifer suddenly stops thinking his answer. I wait impatiently not knowing what could it be or what's on his mind.

Slowly, he moves his lips. "Well... you were the first— only person I could think of."

I don't even know if I want to process his words. The fact that they're what I told him not to do, yes, when he was being horny, not when he was hurting, makes me question our relationship more than it should. I was the first person his mind brought to him when he was in danger. Coming here wasn't something he was told or even that he happened to drop here, no, he thought of me and no one else. What could that mean?

Another grunt coming from him brings my attention towards his painful body sitting in the couch. His left hand hasn't left his chest, making it clear that someone has to check for dangerous injuries.

"Take off your shirt." I say out of the blue as my body leaves the room and head towards my bedroom to take the mini medical kit that's saved under my bed.

"Usually when I have sex with people I like to be on my best state, you know?" I hear his voice joke in a cocky tone, even if in some words the pain that he carries is still there. "To make the experience good for both parties, right now I can't even move a finger—"

Even like this he jokes.

"I need to see if you're bleeding, Lucifer." I say the moment I go back to the room. Finding a tiny grin on his face my heart can't help but like it and make my chest go tight.

Fuck. Not again.

Getting up from the couch, Lucifer, with all the strength he can get from his tired body, manages to slip his shirt out of his body after removing his black leather jacket letting me see his fit torso in front of me.

I have to eat a tiny gasp inside. It's bad. Definitely bad. Bruises can be visible all over his chest area, ribs, and neck. There are so many, that I have to wonder if any bones are broken inside of him. They're not fully formed yet, either way, from the way that they're quickly forming it can be known that they're gonna stay there for a long time.

What gets my attention after is the scratch under his chest dripping blood to his stomach. I have to walk closer to it to have a better look and see if it's something bad, so, once in front of him I let my fingers touch around it while my eyes see the damage a clear knife has made. "It's just a scratch.." my head slowly shakes "the knife didn't go that deep. Don't move, I sill have to disinfect it."

Opening the tiny box between my hands, like an automatic reaction the cotton and the alcohol are taken off as quick as my eyes lay on them. I haven't done this more than a couple of times, the first time was when Teddy fell off his bike and mom wasn't home, or when I tripped over the stairs and scratched my elbow... twice. The second one I was drunk, it doesn't count.

I wait for Lucifer to react to the burning sensation the moment I touch his scratch, like a normal person, but he doesn't even move in pain or even twitch his eyebrows trying to control it. He's probably more use to it than me.

"How do you know there was a knife?"

His confusion surprises me. Isn't it clear that it was made by a knife?

Staring at his green eyes still confused, I come to the conclusion not every person spent their third year of college looking at dead bodies.

"You're not the first beaten body I see, Lucifer." I keep cleaning his wound by gently touching it with the cotton. "The only difference is that you're alive and they're usually... well, dead."

Suddenly, Lucifer's hand touches the elbow from my arm that's disinfecting him. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or if he's not realising it since there's no reaction or expression from him. So, I keep my mouth shut like it's normal for him to do so.

"Can you tell something about the fight just by looking at me?" His soft tone asks me.

"I can't tell a lot because it's recent, but, since the cut it's not that deep and it's short, it has to be a knife that came from the left side to the right in a quick motion." As my hand doesn't stop on his wound my eyes wonder around his chest and stomach, looking for something else to say. "They tried to get at you multiple times with it because there's a lot of tiny scratches all over your chest and stomach." The bruises get my attention after. "Whoever fought you knew what they were doing, the only places that you got bruces are the weakest parts of the body. Side of your head, throat, chest and ribs. They wanted to bring you down and they weren't holding back."

A low chuckle followed by a grunt from him hits my ears. "Yeah, I figured that."

I don't respond to his sarcasm, instead, my mind can't help but focus on something else.

Head, throat, chest and ribs... all familiar places I've seen people getting punched. Boxers, better said. My eyes look down to his waist to see if Lucifer has any other scratches or bruises, but no, not even tiny lines that could be made from a knife. Nothing.

Maybe I'm being crazy and coming up with conclusions that are away from the truth. But, at the same time, I have almost two years of looking at bodies and deducing the crime scene behind me to back me up on this one

"Lucifer?" I drop the cotton on the side, next to the bottle of alcohol.

"Yes?" His tone is almost a whisper.

I meet his eyes. "Are your legs hurt? Thighs? Knees? Waist?"

He slowly shakes his head, waiting for the words that he knows I'm about to say. "No."

"From where you cannot hit a boxer?" I ask even if I already know the answer.

"From the belt down." Nodding, Lucifer isn't confused on my words, instead, he's patiently staring at me as my head gets ready to ask the question.

"Were they boxers, Lucifer?" He slowly nods. My head can't help but bring Alexander back, who else could send a couple of boxer to fight him? Afraid of what it's about to come out of my own mouth, a long breath escapes me. "What happened?" The side that doesn't want me to know the answer makes my tone almost a whisper.

"I'm an idiot."

"That's not news."

A low chuckle comes my way from him. "I'm an idiot and I wanted to apologise to you. I treated you like shit and, you're right, I can't blame you for being intrigued about all of this. The moment I left my apartment, at first only one guy jumped me. I had the upper hand, I thought I was gonna be alright. But then, two more guys showed up. And then... three more. I managed to fight them until I found my opportunity to run for it because there's no way that I could fight six men by myself."

Alexander. I can't stop thinking about him.

I'm an idiot too. Lucifer was absolutely right, I shouldn't be messing with this kind of stuff. Look what he did to him, why? Just because he's Lucifer?

Him moving a step closer to my body makes me realise how close we are to each other and his hand still holding my elbow. Another complaint from his mouth sounds in the room as he holds his wound in pain. I grab a cotton once again and some tape to cover it. Slowly and gently, to not hurt him even further, I do that to finally hear a long breath coming out of his nose.

"Don't move too much." My hair uncomfortably falls in my face the moment I leave the tape on the tiny table by the couch. Going back to meet his eyes in front of him, without waiting a second, Lucifer gently fixes my hair and pulls it back. I don't say anything or complain about it, deep down, my chest as his skin touches mine can't help but like it.

"You're not Batman," I finally let out, trying to ignore my heart slowly starting to beat faster "you did the right thing by running away from the fight."

"I'm sorry for scaring you." His whisper sends chills to the back of my neck.

I don't respond to him since his fingertips touch the side of my chin for whatever reason. My eyes don't let go of his as they slowly trace my face. Suddenly, the need to end the space between us rushes to me.

I can't. I can't do that. I can't be feeling that, no.

"Why did they jump you?" I try once again to ignore my insides by asking something that could change the tension between us.

But Lucifer doesn't let go of my skin, and worse, he meets my eyes as a little chuckle escapes his mouth making my eyes do a quick look to his lips. "I guess Alexander got pretty mad that I talked back at him like that. Big boy can't handle a couple of bad words."

He waits for me to talk but my mouth doesn't open. For the first time I hold back when a question appears in my head and the intrigue rushes to my body. My eyes inevitably go down to his torso when the thought of Alexander doing this to him because he was... protecting me. He got angrier and threatened Alexander when his eyes laid on me. Lucifer's like this because he defended me and that doesn't sit right with me inside my head.

I know he said sorry because we argued earlier, but, I can't help but bring the idea of him blaming me for the beating he received. Maybe he always tried to push me away from all of this because it could get him hurt, right? My intrusive questions and my actions that shouldn't have been made could lead to something bad... like tonight.

Shit.

I stare at his eyes expecting him to leave this room since his wound has already been taken care of. He's fine to walk away now. But he doesn't. Instead, his green eyes don't leave mine. I try to stay there to figure what's on his mind, if he's blaming me for it all or even getting ready to tell me that we can't be talking anymore. After all, he "can't even lift a finger" because of me.

I stay there and I can't help but wonder, what the hell is he thinking right now?

LUCIFER.

Lilith looks absolutely stunning right now.

I can't stare away from her. It's like my eyes are glued to her like Covaliov has trained me for years to not lose focus on my opponent. But she's not a fighter, she's not getting ready to punch me, Lilith's just standing there with his eyes on me thinking about God knows what. Even doing that, the most normal thing in the world, how come she makes it look so mesmerising? So fucking good? I hate it. I despise it. She's doing nothing, and here I am, with my eyes on her losing myself like I could never do before.

I'm an idiot. A complete idiot. Our fight was completely my fault since she got nothing to do with my anger. I treated her like shit when she did nothing wrong. This fight wasn't a normal fight between us where we argue about stupid stuff, no, this subject is everything but stupid and it's killing me inside than I cannot tell her anything about it. I can tell that she's going crazy for all of the things that are happening and she's hearing, and it kills me even more painfully than I can't stop it. But I rather die slowly than be the reason something bad happens to her. I've seen the things Alexander does... and if something like that comes even close to her, I don't think I'm gonna be able to follow the rules.

I'll break anyone apart, starting with Alexander and following with Damian.

"I'm sorry." I finally say breaking her from a trance that she's was on.

Slowly shaking her head, Lilith looks down. "I'm sorry too. I should've minded my own business."

"No, you were right. You got hurt because one man that's involved in this did it. You did nothing wrong by wanting to know why it happened and why you. I would've done the same thing."

"I also understand that there's a reason why you guy are secretive about it. You got beaten because you said a couple of bad words to Alexander— who knows what could happen if an outsider knew more than they should?"

"They can do so much more, Lilith. They have done it already. If anything happens to you..." I would never forgive myself. I think to myself. But those words don't come out of my mouth, it goes shut the moment she stares deeply into my eyes. Those brown eyes have a way of making my stomach hurt but in the best way possible, making it all a mix of good feelings that it all starts to become a mess inside of me. I have to look away from her since I know something I might regret is gonna come out of my mouth. Staring at my jacket, the other reason why I'm here goes back into my head. "I brought you something."

"What?" She's more confused than asking what it is.

"Don't worry, it's not poisoned."

"What a shame." I chuckle escapes my mouth after her words.

Grabbing my jacket to slowly pull out a tiny zipper bag of cereal, the moment I stare into her brown eyes I find myself smiling once again.

"You brought me cereal?" She's in disbelief while her eyes stare at the bag between my hands.

"Consider than as an apology." Lilith slowly grabs it hesitant when my hand lifts it for her. "I was afraid you were gonna flip me off after I apologised and close the door on my face. I knew you can't say no to a bowl cereal."

A little smile appears on her lips.

"You were right." Quickly realising her words, she looks at me as she lifts her index finger, shushing me. "I never said that."

She's so pretty.

A laugh escapes me. "I'll celebrate later."

Going back to the cereal now in between her hands, my eyes once again make me lose myself in her. The way that her eyes slightly shine illuminating her face while she's staring at the bag, how her lips bring back the smile making me wonder what's going on inside her head. Her soft skin glowing under the poor light of the room and her fucking mouth holding my attention for the longest time... I want to kiss those lips of hers so bad right now. I want to hold her and push away any bad thought inside of her.

The moment that Alexander stared at her I could feel my chest getting tenser the more it was happening. My eyes could see her drifting away in a black car like I've seen... Emily Bow do before. The memory of her inside that car while Adam watched her slip away from his fingers, the pain in his eyes and the tears dripping down his cheeks, that moment I promised myself that I would never let that happen again to anyone on the team.

Who would've thought that the next one could be... Lilith?

The more I get to know her the more she reminds me of Emily. Curious, sarcastic, protective over her friends, and the most close of it all, she was as stubborn as Lilith. Always have something to say and it didn't matter the circumstances, if it was the right thing to do, she would do it with the most determined face and courage ever. I cared about her like a big sister, the one I don't have, and Adam... he loved her with his entire being, reminding me more and more about my parents the more I got to know them as a couple.

After Emily had to move Ireland because she got too involved with everything, it broke Adam's heart. That can't happen again. The story won't be the same. I won't make it happen again. Not to her. Not to Lilith.

When she meets my eyes, I find a little smile on her lips that causes me to stare at them for more than I can recall. My mouth has to take a breath the moment my stomach becomes a mess once again, making a tornado of all my feelings together. I can't help it, Lilith Avery has her way of doing all of that with just one look. No matter what I do, or try, there's no escaping it.

And I can't understand it.

"Lucifer?" Lilith asks with a soft tone.

"Mhm?" That's all that leaves my mouth, enabling to hide the excitement from hearing her voice.

She opens her mouth ready to say something, maybe what's been bothering her mind all this time, but the sound of my phone vibrating on the pocket of my jacket stops her.

Fuck.

Grabbing it to find Covaliov's name all over my screen, my fingers unblock it to read the message.

"Meet me on the gym, now."

He knows.

He fucking knows about what happened tonight. And I'm pretty sure he's gonna be mad that he didn't hear it from my own mouth.

A long sigh escapes me hating that I have to leave her alone. But after tonight and those fighters knowing my whereabouts, the truth is, if I want her to be safe and away from all of this, I can't say here much longer.

"I have to go." I get up from the couch to grab my shirt and jacket and soon place it on my body. Another grunt escapes me bringing all the pain my body, somehow, forgot all about it while I was staring at her.

"Alright," Lilith comes closer to me to help my beaten body "just... take it easy."

"I will." I don't look at her in front of me, I know I'm gonna lose it once again. "Thank you for not flipping me off." Walking towards the door with slow steps, she follows me up close, making it harder for me to not stare at her.

"Well, I didn't want to deal with your dead body." Her tone makes it difficult for me to see if she's serious or not.

Either way, a chuckle escapes my mouth. "I thought you hated me and wanted me dead."

Inevitably, when the door's open and I take a step out of the room, my head faces her finding a tiny smile on her lips as her eyes stare at mine. "I do." She says, truthfully.

Say you hate her too.

I hate you too.

You didn't say it out loud.

Why aren't the words coming out of me?

Say it.

I can't.

They don't want to.

"Good night, Avery." My tongue says without my brain acknowledging it as I smile at her.

Turning around without waiting for an answer, the longest breath escapes my mouth the moment my chest goes tense wondering what just happened. Why couldn't I say those words? We say it all time, it's a common thing for us to let out to each other.

We do. We absolutely do, no matter how time moves and changes.

Then, why couldn't I say it out loud?

...