"i'm not the one you want to stay, and you would know that if you knew me that way"

carlie hanson — "numb"

"What did Lucifer told you again before he left?" I ask to my mother on the other side of the line as my feet take me towards the apartment. The loud sound of my shoes are all I can hear around me.

"That he was thankful for the movie night but he had to go, that was it."

<< That is it >> Explain to me why I don't believe a word of it, not my mom's, Lucifer's. I would if I could, but the fact that he left the morning after the movie night without noticing anyone except my mom, who was the only one awake at that early in the morning doesn't help me understand anything of it. Why would he do that? Not tell me the reason why he was going? Not even a goodbye? Why?

"He seemed worried." Mom speaks again. "Have you tried texting him?"

"No..." I haven't, but it did cross my mind. My pride took over my fingers and they didn't want to type a text message for Lucifer even if the intrigue of why he left haunted me for the rest of the weekend.

"And you haven't seen him these three days?"

"I spent the rest of my weekend with you and then I studied with Ada, so, no."

"I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but, I think I might have an idea what happened with him."

Scott is the first thing that comes to mind. It was all fine until his annoying ass showed up, ruining everything. "Yeah, me too."

The idea of him feeling the same way I did after the kiss was ruined consumes my brain, allowing for the question what could this mean also run around in my head without an answer. We kissed, we've done it a thousand of times, we even got interrupted as well... then why does my heart want to beat the shit out of Scott because he did?

"Make sure to talk to him, baby, a serious conversation. Do you know what I mean by a serious conversation?"

Yes I do, I absolutely do. There's a million of questions that need an answer and I'm only going to get them if I sit down and have a "serious conversation" with Lucifer. But, the annoying chest pain makes me want to run away from it, escape it for as long as I can. Maybe because a part of me believes I may hate what could come out of it.

So, wanting to erase the seriousness of it, I say: "Who's gonna buy the cereal next?"

"Feelings, Lilith, talk about feelings."

"My feelings for cereal, got it."

"Lilith..."

"Look, mom," wanting to skip away from mom's obvious inspiration speech, I stop her "I have to go. Talk later?"

A long sigh coming from the other side of the lines gets to me. And it makes me feel even terrible for being this way, running away from everything that I might not like the outcome. "Sure. Talk later. Love you, baby."

"Love you too."

Ending the call before it goes south, I put my phone on my back pocket and open the door to enter building.

Feelings... feelings... that's all my mind can think about. Talk about feelings with Lucifer. Sure. What could possible go wrong?

Everything! That could go wrong! Fucking everything! Me having a serious conversation with Lucifer Donovan? The one that has been annoying since I've met him and seems to have a liking of me getting angry at the things he does? Sure, why not?! Like a normal Monday morning! A beautiful start to my week!

How do I even talk about feelings? I'm shit at explaining them. I can't even understand myself sometimes. How am I supposed to talk about them with Lucifer when I don't even know what's going on? Does he know what's going on? Maybe he does, and that's the reason he's been acting strangely lately, treating me nicely, like a friend, and then hating me as second after, like how it's supposed to be. Us hating each other... right?

Do we even hate each other anymore?

Uf, don't open that door.

"No, coach, I don't get it." Luckily for me and my mind not wanting to give that question another thought, my ears hearing Lucifer on the other side of the door takes all of my attention. I stand there quietly, listening to it carefully. "Why is the fight being postponed to tomorrow night?"

Fight. What fight?

"This is just a trick that Alexander is playing with us, catch us off guard. And they're letting him do it." His angry and frustrated words allow me to remember Alexander Wick in a matter of seconds. Damian's coach.

I get chills down my back like someone's watching me, but no one is around me, just silence and my focused ears on Lucifer's conversation with Covaliov.

"Of course we can't do anything, that's how it's always been!"

"Lucifer," suddenly, Covaliov's voice from the phone joins the conversation like Lucifer put the call on speaker "listen to me, you need to focus. Your fight with Damian is happening tomorrow night, that is it. Keep your mind in the fight. That's all we can do." He's trying to sound hopeful and I try to believe him as well even if a part of me doesn't. Not even a bit.

Damian's and Lucifer's fight was supposed to be a week from now, not tomorrow night. Alexander must've pulled some strings to make it before, and like Lucifer said, caught them off guard. Them having a trick under their sleeve isn't surprising, what is surprising is that they choose to move the fight a week earlier. Lucifer trains every day, has won many and many fights, moving it a couple of days isn't gonna change much. It's not gonna give them the upper hand. They must have something else in mind, that I truly believe. What could that be is the question of the million.

"And beat the shit out of Damian." Lucifer talking again gains my attention towards him and his angry tone.

"That's my boy. Now, c'mon, let's have a last train before the fight and then a good night sleep. Do you understand, Donovan?"

Silence follows the conversation for a bit which takes me to believe that Lucifer undid the speaker option. I wait for something to happen, a word, a noise, anything that tells me Lucifer is still on the other side of this door.

I can't imagine what it must feel like, knowing that you have to fight your biggest opponent sooner than expected. Specially when it's someone as rough as Damian. Thinking about the last time I saw him, at the event, it makes my heart skip a beat in nervousness. My muscle memory brings the feeling of having his hand gripping my chin tightly while he asks me about Adam Deniov, a former boxer in Covaliov's group that, for personal safety (better put as: "Alexander threaten him"), had to move to Ireland with his girlfriend Emily Bow (who also was threatened, if I recall correctly).

If only Damian's grip is that strong, I can't imagine what his punches must feel like. Inevitably, a quick scene inside my head of him punching Lucifer in the face makes my heart beat fast for a couple of seconds. I hate the image of it, Lucifer's face bleeding, hurt and in pain. I've seen in before, but my gut tells me is gonna be much, much worse. This fight scares me, for some reason, and what may come out of it too. Lucifer is a powerful fighter, strong and determined, but I do remember Damian's type too, he's rough and violent. It brings me nothing but nerves to my stomach, thinking of those two finally going up against each other.

"Yes, coach." Lucifer talking again brings me down from my thoughts to him. "See you in ten." His words are followed by quick steps, heading to the hallway by the right side of the living room.

Eventually, if Lucifer is gonna leave the apartment soon enough, he'll see me standing by the door like an idiot. Wanting to prevent that, I make my way towards the inside of the apartment. Leaving my backpack on the side of the door like I always do, my eyes look around in the room for something to pick out. Nothing's out of the ordinary, books are laying on the coffee table, Colin's jacket that he usually leaves on the couch is lazily there, Griffin's sneakers are next to papers, probably notes that he forgot, and then Lucifer's jacket that I immediately recognise is on the top of his back gym bag by the couch.

A couple of steps coming from the hallway sound before I can make my way towards the kitchen and make myself invisible. Lucifer appears with his hairs back like he just brushed them with his hand frustrated. His body suddenly stops as he notices my presence there, probably not expecting me showing up. Giving a quick look to my keys between my hands and my backpack by the door, he then goes towards his jacket and places it on his body, like he's uninterested.

"I have to go train."

I chuckle, nervously. "Do you see me with a sign that says "stop, don't do it!"? I'm not stopping you."

Feelings, talk about feelings. My mom's words say in my head like a close fresh memory. She says it like it's easy. What are feelings, anyway? It's not like they're gonna fix everything.

They might...

Alright, am I gonna give this a chance? How do I even start?

"Why did you left so suddenly?" Yep, that's me talking about feelings, ladies and gentlemen. I stand by the door waiting for him to talk.

Lucifer doesn't give me a look, he just proceeds to fix his clothes on his body like I'm not interesting enough to give me his full attention. "I just had to go."

"You just had to?"

"Yes." He suddenly turns to me, confused. "Why are you asking me this? I thought you were annoyed at me being there, you should be happy that I left."

Feelings, Lilith, let's talk about feelings. "Well... I'm not." Yeah, good one. "Was it because of Scott?"

"Was he truly only your first time?" His tone changes to one I've heard before, like he knows a secret of mine and he's waiting to finally be told by me.

I go quiet for a second, surprised by his question. "Yes, why—"

"Are you sure he knows that?" His tone is a mix of cocky and aggressiveness. "Because when he showed up to movie night and then said "I used to love movie nights" it got me thinking: if he knew what movie nights were, then it meant that he was involved in one, maybe more, which it also meant that he wasn't just your first time."

It makes sense if you think of it that way, but that's not it, Scott knew what movie nights were because one day at school he caught me talking about it with Teddy and mom when they picked me. He used to love me talking about it, not because he was involved. "He was just that, Lucifer." But, somehow, those words don't come out of me, don't know why.

"Then, I also thought," he ignores my words as he lets out a fake chuckle. He doesn't go cocky anymore, instead, I can sense a bit of weakness in his tone "hey! Lilith and I are nothing to each other! We're not even friends! Why am I getting mad at Scott for showing up and wanting to be with Lilith? She can be with him if she wants to."

"I didn't want to, and I still don't. The idea of him being there annoyed me more than Teddy eating all the chips and leaving me with non."

Lucifer doesn't truly react to my words, he looks at the ground as he slowly shakes his head. I miss his eyes on me for a second. "The thought of you wanting to..." His whisper almost arrives to my ears. The more he talks in this conversation, the more his voice goes softer.

My mouth doesn't know what to reply. Feelings are a mess and my mind is empty, not the nicest mix to have while having a serious conversation with someone. I try my best to think of the words that could represent any of it. "I kissed you, remember?" I let out a long weak breath hoping that they can be enough.

Lucifer goes back to me letting me catch a glimpse of his shining green eyes carrying frustration in them. "But then when Jackson opened the door you stepped away and acted like nothing happened."

"It was like a reflex, I don't know why I did that."

"You did it plenty of times, Lilith. And I don't know if... I can deal with that anymore."

I hesitate for a second on my answer processing what he means. "Me acting like nothing happens between us? I thought that's what we did."

Lucifer slowly shakes his head once again. "I don't want that anymore."

"Then what is it that you want?" I match his soft tone, feeling how my chest goes tighter surrounding my quick heart and the yell inside my head, wanting me to run away from this conversation.

I wait and I wait impatiently for Lucifer's answer, but he doesn't look like he's gonna answer. His eyes shift away from mine and stare at the wall behind me, escaping from my eyes.

But his look suddenly changes. For the first time, I see a Lucifer I've never seen before. Someone who's giving up, giving a look that says "fine, I'll say it. Because if I don't, it's gonna break me into a million of pieces." Finally, when my heart jumps to my stomach the moment he locks eyes with me once again, the smile that shows on the corner of his lips brings my full attention on him.

"You. I want you."

My head begs for him to say it again, in his raspy and low tone. It can't process it, there's no way on earth any part of me is gonna be able to process what Lucifer just said in time any answer of time could make sense. I'm fucked. I'm completely fucked.

I stand there, with my tongue immobile and my mind slowly drifting away with all of my thoughts while Lucifer stares at me. He doesn't seem like he's waiting for answer from my part, maybe knowing that there's the tiniest chance of me giving him one before he has to go. 

And he's right. After grabbing his gym bag, he walks closer to where I'm stupidly standing. He opens the door without giving me a look, and just like that, he's out of the apartment like what just happened didn't happen. 

Gone, he's gone.

A long breath escapes my mouth like all the tension inside my chest exploded and it all went away with that one breath. My brain doesn't know what to think, what to do with this, bringing the question if there is something to do with what Lucifer told me to begin with.

I stare at the empty room like it's a good representation of my mind feels like at this moment. Everything standing still, no noise, no words, no purpose, nothing. It's all a blank space. Not even Lucifer's words are running inside of it, trying to be processed by my brain. It's just my eyes staring at the wall like it's somehow gonna give me the strength it takes to snap out of it. But it doesn't.

What does, it's my phone out of nowhere vibrating, telling me that a message came through. I break my trance, leading my hand towards my pocket to see who it is.

Ada. I read on my screen. Opening it without thinking about it, her words are plastered all over my screen.

"Lilith Lilith Lilith,
I just got a call that we have to check on our dorm, to make sure everything's to our liking
Can you go? This stupid teacher won't let anyone of us go until we reviewed every essay"

Another breath is let out by my mouth. Yes, I'll go. My thumbs type slowly. As soon as I send it I block my phone to leave it on my pocket once again.

I stare at the wall again, trying to recall if Lucifer's words were a reality or not. You. I want you. He said in a raspy and low tone. In all seriousness, no cocky smile, no jokingly laugh, not anything that could lead me to believe that he was just "messing with me". And the more my brain tries to process what it meant, the more I wish it all just happened in my head. A lost dream on a long, long night.

>>>

If Ada meant "everything to our liking" by not having a wall, then, yes, I like having no wall on the right side of my dorm.

There's no water anymore on the floor which is good news, progress is being made, but the fact that I can stare at the pipes that are supposed to be covered by a wall makes me think of how much more weeks the workers are gonna keep going here. And getting the smell of wet carpet and humidity to my nose, it definitely makes me have the question if it's ever gonna go away even after we move back in here. Graduation is not miles away, and I for sure don't want to spend the last weeks of my college years smelling like a wet carpet.

Giving my room a last long look, a deep sigh escapes my mouth carrying every thought out. It's like the combination of everything that happened over this weekend is fixed inside my brain, but all in a dark whole that doesn't even know how to explode anymore. So, it's just there, planning to be ignored by me like it always is.

Do I have a problem? No. Why? Because I'm ignoring it. Is it healthy? Probably no. Am I gonna change it? I have 21 years of like in experience of this, I'm a professional.

Planning on texting Ada and send her a photo of our dorm, I take out my phone from my pocket and open the camera. Since there's no light from the room working, the door being opened helps me get some of it and get a good enough picture.

Click.

The sound of my phone taking the picture as soon as I press the button surrounds the room. It's soon followed by a couple of steps from someone outside, but I don't put much attention to it, this hallway is full of rooms and people go in and out all the time. Opening my chat with Ada, her smiley face that she sent after my message sends one to my face. Maybe a weekend with her is all a need to calm my mind and—

"Hi, Lilith..." a dark voice talks behind me out of nowhere.

A part of me recognises it, chilling, a type of voice that I asked the universe if I could never hear it again. Turning around to see if this person is truly behind me and not my mind playing tricks on me, I also block my phone and leave it on my back pocket.

Turns out, it wasn't a dream. Damian is standing by the door laying his shoulder on the frame of it, with a haunting smile that is half dark half illuminated by the light outside. Even if recognise it's him, he doesn't look like the Damian I saw at the event last time. He seems tired with bags under his eyes, his hair is slit back with tons of gel and his stare, even if he's trying to look cocky, I can still catch a glimpse of exhaustion in them.

"Looking good." He says again, crossing his arms around his chest and giving a look around my room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I finally ask, letting my tongue carry out my surprise. "And how did you know this was my room?"

"It's nice."

"Are you gonna pretend to be my friend now?"

My passive aggressive tone makes him slowly shake his head, as he takes a step inside the room. My body doesn't know what to do with him in here, it isn't scaring me, don't know why, maybe because the fact that he truly is here and is not a ghost is still something that my head is trying to get around on. "Too many questions, Lilith, too many questions..."

"Well, when the guy that threatened me the last time I saw him shows up at my dorm, a girl has questions, you know?"

Damian takes another step closer inside, almost ending up four steps away from where I'm standing. His eyes shift to my chin for a second, bringing me the memory of his hand on it to my mind. "Yeah," he says darkly "the time I couldn't finish the job."

"What job? Ask me about..." My mouth goes suddenly shut. As far as I remember, he still believes that I read Adam Deniov's file. Me saying his name out loud is gonna probably increase that believe and make me end up on a worst situation than the one at the event, with Damian's strong grip on my chin, hurting me to the point of still feeling it after it was gone. 

"You not answering me did cost me bad." Damian rolls his eyes, annoyed. "Alexander wasn't happy."

"I didn't answer because I didn't have the one you were looking for. I had no idea what you were talking about."

He lifts an eyebrow. "Had?"

"Have." I quickly correct myself not wanting to seem like things have changed. "I still don't."

"Adam Deniov." Tilting his head a bit to the side, Damian looks further into my eyes. "The name ring a bell?"
I shake my head, giving his feet a quick look since he takes another step closer. I don't want to grow any type of nerves inside my body, but, having Damian this close to me again after what happened it doesn't help my heart on not beating faster than normal. "We're still looking for him and I think you know where he's hiding."

"No, I don't. I've never heard that name in my life." I repeat even firmer.

"You work with James Covaliov, you definitely have." Damian doesn't stop getting closer and closer. His cologne reaches my nose, strong, almost to the point of me having to breath in through my mouth to not cough the sent out.

"I pick towels and organise his paper work, that's all I do for him."

He's now in front of me. His face is dark since his facing the light with his back, making him look more tired than he already seems to be. "Explain to me why I don't believe you." Damian's voice is rough and low, like a heavy couch being moved on a wood floor.

"You're a big boy, you can do it yourself."

He smiles at me, tilting his head to the side like I've seen actors do when they play psychopaths. "Don't make me lose my patience."

"And you don't make me lose mine."

"I need you to tell me where Adam Deniov is." He goes firmer, making me notice the "losing his patience" in his tone.

"Again, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do."

"No, I don't." As soon as my eyes see how he's ready to take another step closer to me, crushing our bodies together, my reflexes make me step back and then to the door. "Leave me alone, Damian. I don't have time for this..." His hand grabbing my upper arm prevents me from moving forwards, stopping me right on the side of his body.

"I can't leave until you tell me where Adam Deniov is."

Me not replying to him leads for his grab to be stronger. Looking at it, my heart doesn't slow down at the sight of my skin getting paler around his grip. "You're hurting me, Damian..." I manage to let out firmly, even if my voice wants to go weak on me.

"You won't talk?" The big smile on his face like the Joker brings chills down to my back. "Then we're gonna have to do this hard way." His free hand swinging back to his pocket its followed by the sound of a knife being pulled out. Damian doesn't give me the  time to react, grabbing my chin with the hand that was holding my arm, he pushes me against the wall next to the couch in a brusque moment. "Where is he?"

The pain is the same from last time, hurting me in a way that I can feel my bones burning for a second. "I don't know—" My eyes don't want to give the knife a look on his hand next to his body. I know that if I do, the fear the surrounds my body is gonna be shown to Damian and give him the upper hand.

"Lilith." Damian smiles at me, not a sweet one, no, a scary one. And I usually don't get scared easily. "Where is he?" Feeling the tip of the knife against my left cheek speeds my breathing, matching the rhythm of my nervous heart and body.

"I don't know..."

Tilting his head to the side to touch his nose with my upper lip, Damian surrounds my face with the thick air coming out of his nose. "Such a beautiful skin to be cut this way." Even if his tone is soft, it's still dark and raspy. It's difficult to explain it. My ears have never heard anything like this in real life.

"Such a shame this beautiful face is gonna get hurt...." Ignoring my beating heart, my nervous body, my quick breathing coming out of my mouth and the tip of the knife still against my cheek, my brain decides to take me out of this situation.

I'm Lilith fucking Avery, I don't give in this easily.

My eyes start to wonder around the room looking for a way out, something that could give me the chance to walk away and leave Damian behind. They look and they look, until they stop and locate the baseball bat behind the couch, almost next to me, from Ada's failed athletic career with the sock still covering it.

It's not far, if I reach hard enough...

"Such a shame this beautiful mouth doesn't talk..." Taking the opportunity that Damian is focused on my skin and the knife, I slowly move my arm towards it. "Lilith..."

"I'll talk." Noticing that Damian is gonna take step back, I stop him, pretending to be even more scared. "Please, don't hurt me, please." I fake a beg out. "I'll talk, I promise."

Like I was expecting, Damian holds the knife still on my cheek while he smiles at me, focused on my words. "What a nice girl you are, Lilith."

"I've heard Covaliov talk about Adam once." My hand stretches further into the couch, I'm almost close to the baseball bat... "He said that they were gonna bring him here for the final fight." My lie catches Damian's full interest.

"Final fight? My fight with Lucifer?"

He seems to want to take another step back in surprise. "Lucifer's gonna win." I make him angry to put his focus on me. Even if it is a bad kind of attention. "You'll never get on his level, Damian, and deep down you know it." His anger grows the more my hand gets closer to the baseball bat. "Lucifer will always be better than you, in every—" the tip of my middle finger feels the rough end of the sock "way—" soon, my index finger joins it "shape—" my thumb manages to grab it "and form."

Damian pushes the knife further against my skin. My mouth eats the pain inside knowing that I'm this close to having the upper hand, but I can feel a cut coming through and my warm blood dripping down my cheek. "Such a shame you don't know who you're dealing with..."

Swing!

Damian stumbles back after letting out a grunt in pain when the baseball bat hits him on the side of his right leg. Grabbing the opportunity to walk away since Damian is no longer holding me down, I make my way towards the other side of the couch since he's standing right in front of the door, blocking my way out. He looks surprised at me holding the baseball bat and hitting him with it, not expecting it at all.

"You don't know who you're dealing with, asshole." I hold the baseball bat strongly between my hands. "You think you scare me?!" I swing away towards Damian's body for him to step back. I don't want to hit him, because it may lead to an injury that would make me look the one that assaulting him first, instead, I swing again, so he steps back avoiding my swings and finally leaves my room.

"I'm Lilith Avery and I watch crime documentaries to go to fucking sleep, motherfucker!" Swoosh! The baseball bat flies in front of Damian. He again steps back, almost at the edge of the door.

"Go and tell Alexander that this bitch isn't scare of his ugly face! If he thinks he can use the old trick of intimidating the girl to get the answer out of her he got the wrong fucking one!" Swinging away, it manages for Damian to finally be out of my dorm with a shock look on his face. "Move on and fuck off!"

Brushing his now messy hairs back with his hand, while breathing extremely hard, Damian shakes his head in disbelief. "You're crazy."

I nod, trying to not let the thick air entering my mouth trouble my words. "Go and share that with your asshole of a coach."

Finally, Damian turns around and leaves me behind with my heart beating as fast as his steps can lead him out of the building.

Letting out the longest breath, the baseball bat drops from my hand as they shake in shock. I take them towards my face to cover it, closing my eyes in the process to let myself have a break and recover from what just happened.

The next breath comes out shakily since my throat closes for a minute, pushing out a single tear out of my left eye. My mind tries to process Damian and what he just did to me. I can still feel the coldness of his knife against my cheek, now with a single line of blood dripping down towards my neck.

Removing my hands away from my face I stare at them to notice if any blood has stick to my skin, and looking at a smudge red line from my index finger to the end of my thumb, it takes me to believe that the cut on my face has to be worst that I expected. The pain is sharp, like a needle just went through my skin and it's still stuck in there, and once the tip of my finger touches it, the burning sensation becomes stronger.

Getting up, still with my cheek wet from the tear and my mind in shook, I walk towards my room to see if my medical kit that I kept under the bed is still there. And it is, with a little bit of water inside of it, but it works perfectly for me.

Kneeled down on the floor, dropping alcohol on the cotton to clean the cut, my phone on my pocket vibrates. It brusquely startles me for a second. Taking it out and reading Colin's name on my screen, another tear rolls down my cheek when my eyes stare at my bloody hands once again. It's like I just woke up from a nightmare to realise that it wasn't a nightmare after all, but the complete reality.

"Lilith?" Hearing my name coming from a man, it makes my heart jump to my stomach in nervousness. I drop the cotton from my hand, scared of the voice I couldn't recognise the first time I heard it. "Lilith?"

Lucifer.

It's him.

My heart slows down and surrounds my chest in a safe feeling, warm and calm. "What happened here? Lilith?" He sounds worried as he steps inside the room.

Fuck. I turn around facing the wall not wanting him to see me hurt like this, don't ask why, I just did.

"Lilith— Jesus, fuck, answer me—" his desperate words hit louder the more I hear his steps walking closer. "Lilith— There you are, shit, you scared the living shit out of me..." Hearing him behind me race the rhythm of my heart. And his body's presence now close enough for me to feel him, it doesn't help on calming it down. "Hey, Lilith, look at me..."

Seeing his shadow slightly move to the side to find my eyes, I turn a bit the opposite way to hide my cut. "What happened here?"

"Nothing, just... leave me alone." My mind can't find a way to escape this, the surprise of Damian showing up at my dorm and now having Lucifer behind me all in a matter of minutes has me in a shock state.

"You're so mad at me and I get it, I'm an asshole, an idiot, stupid, and every smart insult you think of me." He tries to find my eyes once again, but just like last time, I hide my face. "I shouldn't have thrown what I said to you like that. I'm sorry." Feeling Damian's cut burn the more the seconds pass it enables my brain from thinking  something else. "Look at me, please." Lucifer's warm and shaky tone makes my heart melt, fighting as much as it can to win the fight against my body and look into those green eyes.

"No, go away..."

"Say that you hate me, insult me in every language you know, tell me to fuck off, anything you want—"

"I want you to go away." I tilt my chin downwards when a drop of blood reaches the beginning of my neck. Wanting to wipe it away without it being noticeable, my hand slowly goes towards it. "Please, Lucifer... go away." I beg. My voice can't help it and goes weak for my last words. Deep down, my mind hopes that Lucifer didn't catch it and moves on. But for the way that he takes a step closer behind me, it tells me he's gonna give up as much as I'm gonna willingly turn around to face him.

"Lilith, what's wrong?"

I shake my head. "No..."

"Tell me what's wrong."

In a nervous moment, my body turns around not giving it a thought. Just knowing that I want to leave this moment. "I have to go."

"Lilith—" Lucifer follows me closely. His quick reflexes copy the movements of my body like he's my shadow.

"No! Just go!" The loud words coming out of my mouth makes the burning pain on my cheek become almost unbearable. My hand flies towards it to prevent any more blood dripping down as I stare the wall on the other side of the door.

"Did someone break in?" Lucifer asks once he's behind me. "Why is the baseball bat on the floor?" Fuck, stop. "Are you hurt?" The more he asks, the more the memory of Damian and his knife comes back to my mind like a scene. My nerves grow and my heart speeds, wanting it to away as far as possible. "Did someone hurt you?" But Lucifer asking isn't helping. His hand suddenly touching my shoulder startles me. "Lilith—"

My body turning around to defend myself again like a reflex, it causes for Lucifer to stare at my face in all the worry he can. "Leave me alone, please!"

My quick breathing is all the noice surrounds the room. Lucifer's eyes inevitably going down to my cheek it makes me realise that my hand is still covering the cut and the blood. But all the redness in my skin doesn't make Lucifer forget about it. Instead, as his mind is trying to process what's happening, his hand reaches to my hurt cheek and dirty hand.

For some reason, I don't stop him. I let him grab my hand and move it away from my cheek, slowly and carefully. Once his touch is against my skin, my heart slows down and my stomach is surrounded by this good feeling I can't quite describe what it feels like. You know when you're in the dark and you hear a noice, scared, you turn on the light to see that nothing is there, just your room ready to comfort you?

It feels like that.

I can see that in his eyes he's not confused anymore, he's not even surprised, all mine can notice is the slow anger growing in him. His jawline clenched and the determined breathing coming out of his mouth. I've seen this look on his before, right after he pushed Damian out of me at the event.

Lucifer's stare goes dark for moment when he meets mine, roughly and firm, like he's ready to tear anything apart.

"Who did this to you?" He asks, lower than my heart could've handled.

I don't respond. But somehow, he knows. He manages to take out the answer just by looking at me.

Slowly shaking his head, Lucifer finally takes a step back. "Damian's never gonna see the light of the day ever again."

I try to follow him once he turns around and heads out to the door, but his quick and determined steps take him out of the building before I can even call out his name.

He's gonna get himself killed, and only the thought of that manages to break my heart into a million pieces. He can't... not for me, not again. I won't let it happen. I have to find a way to stop him.

Without having to think about it, my feet make their way out the door and then out the dorm building. I soon notice that my cut gains the look of people around me, but I don't care, Lucifer's all my head can think about.

"Lucifer!" I try calling his name to see if he's still around, but only the looks of confused people surround me.

Him getting hurt is all I have to prevent, the idea of it, the image of it inside my head bring my quick breathing back. My heart beats faster while my feet don't catch a break, I need to stop— I need to make sure he's not gonna get hurt. I need to. I need... fuck.

The big gates get my attention when I turn left, but it's soon stolen by a motorcycle on the other side. Hoping that it's Lucifer's and that he changed his mind, I don't look away from it. As hard as I can, my eyes stay there like my mind is casting a spell and the most important thing if for me to give the motorcycle my entire attention.

Seconds go by the more I get close.

Lucifer, please, let it be Lucifer...

"Lilith?" A familiar voice asks once I walk out the gates. Colin appears by my side with his phone between his hands, like he's texting someone. His first reaction to my cut is opening his eye wide and then look at me with worry all over his face. "What happened to you? Are you alright?"

"Yes, yes" I nod, desperately "we need to find Lucifer."

"Why? What happened?"

"Damian."

By only saying his name, it seems like it's enough. He nods and takes the phone to his ear, calling someone.

I get ready to tell him that there's no time, feeling the desperation growing inside my chest.

"Coach." But hearing that name coming out of Colin's mouth, it makes me eat my words inside. "You were right. They went after Lilith." Colin gives me a look and then to my cut, still dripping a bit of blood down my cheeks. The burning becomes bigger, I ignore it, having a more important thing to take care of. "She's alright— yes, yes," he suddenly shifts his eyes to the road "he's gone, Lucifer's gone. Yeah, I see you now..."

Turning to where Colin is facing, I soon notice that Covaliov's porche is slowly stopping behind the motorcycle. I don't waste a single second, I make my way towards his car once he steps out of it.

"Where's Lucifer?" I ask hoping that Covaliov knows more than I do.

He doesn't reply, he walks pass me and points at Colin, who's still behind. "You need to take care of her cut."

"Yes, coach."

Covaliov doesn't even acknowledge my presence. He goes back to his car on the driver's side ready to leave us behind. But I don't give up, I follow him up close. "Lucifer's gone, we need to find him." No answer coming from him, just his quick steps and me following him. "Coach!"

Placing his hand on the handle, finally, Covaliov faces me. "No, I need to go after him. You take care of that." He points at my cut.

But right now, my cut feels like the least of my problems. "No, I'm going with you."

"Lilith, we need to make sure you're safe, and coming with me is the opposite of that." He brusquely opens the door of his car. Putting my hand on it, I close it again. "Lilith!"

"I'm going with you! Where is he?" I ask again. "And something tells me you know where he is so don't lie to me!"

"He's going to a place that's gonna get him hurt, if we don't hurry we won't be able to stop it from happening."

"Then let's go!"

Covaliov holds my arm tightly for me to not move anywhere, which inevitably makes us face each other. "Your cut!"

"I don't give a shit about my fucking cut! I care about Lucifer! Let's go!"

The sudden silence surrounding us allows for my head to process what I just said. There's no denying it now, not to anyone, not to me, I said it without thinking about it and it's truly what my body is going through. Caring for Lucifer Donovan and his safety, preventing anything bad happening to him, no matter what.

Giving a look to Colin still behind us, Covaliov lets out a tired sigh. "Ryker's girl and then her, why don't you guys pick the quiet ones?"

Bingo. He's letting me go with him. Before he can change his mind, I make my way to the other side of the driver's seat and get inside the car. Soon after, coach is behind the wheel turning his car on.

"Where's he going?"

Covaliov turns the wheel around and we're off, to God knows where. Or, it seems that coach knows since he doesn't even hesitate on where to head to. "He's probably going after Damian, so, he's going to Alexander's gym."

Hearing those names send chills down my back. It definitely can't be good news that he's going to face Damian like that, alone, and with the anger controlling his decisions. Who would've thought that me checking on my dorm was gonna have this ending, I just wanted to see if we were gonna have a dorm for the next week, man, c'mon.

Thinking of Colin's phone conversation with coach, I find myself bringing a phrase of his inside my head. "Colin said that you were right about them going after me. How did you know?"

Covaliov gives me a quick look before going back to the road, letting out a long breath tiredly. "Believe it or not, we've been here before."

Oh, I do believe it. There's no way I'm telling coach that I've read something that he specifically told me to not open, and that I know things that I shouldn't. "What do you mean?" I play dumb.

"When Lucifer was sixteen, there was this fighter that trained with me. He was the best, everyone adored him, just like Lucifer is right now. His name is Adam Deniov." I listen to Covaliov's words carefully, trying to see if the pieces that I put together alone were the truth. "The biggest threat Alexander had, first him, and now Lucifer."

I nervously bite the corner of my lower lip, feeling like a noisy person for already knowing a part of the story. "What happened?"

"Alexander decided to give the threat back. But much, much worse."

"How come?" Covaliov doesn't answer for a second. "There's no point on hiding anything else from me, coach. I'm in deep shit, just like Lucifer is."

"You're right." Coach nods, trying to convince himself. "Deep shit, if you can call it that." I don't know what he means by that, but I don't ask once I see his mouth opening to talk again. "Alexander has been training longer than me, he knows the advantages and disadvantages of working for the people that we do. Knowing that he has one of the fighters that make the most money it gives him the ability to do whatever he wants."

"You have Lucifer, he has won more fights than any one else in there."

"That's true. But Alexander has another advantage." Before continuing, Covaliov takes a deep breath, like he's angry to even say his next words. "His father is the owner of everything."

I lift my eyebrows. "Everything?"

Covaliov nods. "You've probably seen him before. He walks with other two men, tall, bald, gold jewellery..." Putting the description together, I slowly bring the memory of the event, some of the fights that I've seen and afternoons at the gym. Yes, I've definitely seen them before. The most that I can remember are their expensive suits and shining jewellery. Walking like they own the place. And apparently, they do. "The fights, the gym, the money that it's made... me, Lucifer, Colin, Ryker..."

"He owns you?"

"There's this contract. It's way to long to explain it in detail, but, we have to work for him for 20 years. Everyone has." Giving the road a hopeful look, it tells me he's playing his plan on his head right now. "I intend to break it."

"How?"

"I've been trying to talk to the other two, we call them the jury, they work closer to him than any one else for years, explain to them what happened. With Adam, with..."

"Emily Bow?" I continue his sentence without thinking about it. A part of me regrets it, knowing that it may lead to Covaliov finding out I know a part of the things he's telling me, and the other one doesn't, liking the surprised look on coach's face. "I heard Lucifer mentioned her once."

"In the contract it's said that families are not to be disturbed, talk to, anything that can put them in any sort of danger. Alexander broke that when he involved Adam's girlfriend, Emily, to distract him and get him to lose fights. My word means nothing. But theirs, they both have the power to tell the truth and convince the jury of what happened. That way Alexander's father would have no choice but to break his contract and get him away from the fights. All the threatening would be gone with him."

"That's why Damian wanted to know where Adam is hiding."

"Yeah.... that's how I knew they were gonna go after you. Just how with Adam, they went after Emily."

Noticing how Covaliov's attention goes away from the conversation into something on his mind, I can't help but wonder again if what I believed was true. And what truly happened, in detail. "Why did Adam left, coach?"

Shaking his head while his breathing speeds a bit, his hands hold tightly the wheel. He's remembering the past. "Too many things." He whispers with his voice going weak on him. "They started following them, threatening messages, it was just words... but then— it became a nightmare. Car accidents, beatings out of nowhere, sending him pictures of Emily... it drove Adam insane. He couldn't bare it. That's why we sent him away."

"To protect him."

"I failed Adam but I'm not gonna fail Lucifer. I promised him that."

I can't even begin to imagine what Covaliov must've gone through when all of that happened to Adam. Living it and knowing that his hand were tied, not being able to change or even protect his student. Having to send him away because things were getting worse. And then having to live it all over again with Lucifer. Like he said, a nightmare.

"And you, Lilith." His soft tone catches me off guard. "I know that Lucifer tried to stay out of it to protect you."

"Tried to stay out of what?"

"He tried to do what Adam couldn't."

"But I'm not Lucifer's girlfriend, why would they go after me specifically?"

Before I can hear a response from coach, his eyes shifting into nothing but worry makes me turn to where he's looking at. A tall black building with windows made of glass is on the other side of the street. It's not very crowded, just a couple of cars driving by. It seems expensive, like where rich people work in offices and go to have their privileged coffee every morning.

But it all soon turns into nothing important, all my eyes care to see is Lucifer, with angry and determined steps, going towards Damian and Alexander while they both stare in surprise at Lucifer being there. But the "surprise" isn't believable to me, at all. They were expecting him.

"Lucifer!" Covaliov once he brusquely stops the car on the other side of the street, he steps out of it. Without hesitating, I do the same. "Stay in the car." He points at me.

"Sure!" I yell back the moment I close the door of the car and follow him towards the building.

The more closer we get, the more my ears can hear what Lucifer is saying as he arrives where Damian and Alexander are. "I told you if you ever laid your hands on here again you'd be dead!"

It all happens in a blink of an eye. Damian's eyes change from cocky to worry, frightened of Lucifer grabbing the neck of his shirt and slamming him against the wall. I can't see Lucifer's face since his back is facing me, but my mind gets to imagine it, and it takes me to believe that if we don't intervine, this will end badly.

"Lucifer! Step back!" Covaliov yells again. No matter how quick we walk, we don't seem to get there quick enough.

"I would do something but I can't touch a fighter of yours, James." Alexander shrugs his shoulders with a pretend innocent smile.

"The contract has stopped your before?!"

Lucifer lets Damian lose a bit of his grip, but soon after slams him harder again against the wall. Even where I'm standing I heard the noise of his back.

What Lucifer proceeds to say is nothing but nonsense to me since he starts to whisper. All I can see from them is the terror in Damian's eyes. He gives Alexander a quick look, begging for help.

"Coach..." I can read his lips "please..."

"Lucifer!" Covaliov's yell feels like it could shake the walls around us. We're now just a couple of steps away, when coach turns and faces me. "Say something."

"Me?"

He seems determined of what he's saying. "Say something."

I don't know why coach would ask me to say something when I don't think my words could stop this mess of a situation. Still, I do what he says. "Lucifer! Stop!"

The tension in the air seems to have shift for a second when Lucifer doesn't hold Damian's shirt tightly anymore. I can tell that he wants to turn around and face me by the way his head slightly moves to the side. Damian does look at me, showing me the afraid feeling in his eyes.

"Go with your girl, Lucifer." Alexander says softly with a little smile on the corner of his lips. "You don't want her to see you like this."

"If you hit him outside of the ring they can throw you in jail, Lucifer." Covaliov doesn't take another step towards them. But he does know the correct words to say. Lucifer loses Damian's shirt just a bit more.

"Listen to your coach, Lucifer..." but Alexander talking again regains the anger in Lucifer.

"Alexander, shut up!" Covaliov takes a step firmly. Even if he doesn't take action with his body to be in control of the situation, with his words it seems that he's confident enough to take it.

I decide to help again with my words, because I feel like an idiot standing here without being able to do anything. "Lucifer, get your ass over here! Now!" Even if I sounded like my mom when she's angry, it does seem to do something. Lucifer let's go of Damian's shirt but doesn't take a step away from him, still wanting to have him on the palm of his hand.

"You're lucky that I see you in the ring tomorrow night," I hear Lucifer say darkly and raspy  "because I don't give a shit about jail, you're dead. Do you hear me?" Damian, in the shock of it all, doesn't respond. That doesn't help him, Lucifer grabs the neck of his shirt once again to slam him against the wall. "Do you hear me?!" Damian finally nods. Once free, he heads inside the building without even looking back at anything.

A sigh of relief escapes me seeing how Lucifer finally turns around and walks to where I'm standing. My body gets the urge to go and hug him, but I eat it inside.

"It sure will be an interesting fight, James." Alexander says to coach with a proud look on his face.

"This has to stop, Alexander." His defeated tone and the conversation that Covaliov and Alexander start to have soon fades away when Lucifer arrives next to my body. He doesn't face me, instead, he stares at the street behind us.

"Are you alright?" I ask in a whisper to gain his attention.

Lucifer's sad eyes look at my cut on my cheek. Without saying a word, his hand flies towards it to gently wipe probably the dried blood on my skin. His touch is so gentle and soft, that a part of me can't believe these are the same hands that grabbed Damian a second ago.

"The love birds will be left alone." I hear Alexander say. I don't turn to face him, somehow Lucifer's eyes have managed to hold me tight in them.

"I believed you once, but I'm not gonna believe you now."

"Have something in mind, James?"

Lucifer's eyes slowly shift from mine to Covaliov's. They look at each other like they both know what to say next, re living a prior conversation that they both seemed to had before this happened. As soon as Lucifer gives coach a slow nod, he turns to look at me once again, without taking his hand away from my cheek.

"Let's make a deal." Coach carries on with Alexander.

"I'm listening."

"If we win, you step down from the fights by breaking the contract with your father. Everything stops and you leave your fighters with another coach. You never set foot in this ever again."

Alexander chuckles. "And when I win?"

"You convince your father to break the contract with us. Lucifer and I leave. You'll never see us again." Before I get to give a reaction to Lucifer about the deal, he looks at my cut and then at the street behind us, avoiding my eyes.

Alexander goes silent for a moment. If the future of my life depended on a single boxing fight, I would give it a second to think about it too.

"Deal." Hearing his firm and dark voice shakes the nerves inside my stomach. Like a switch of light has turned off and all my body is surrounded by is nothing but darkness.

From the corner of my eyes I can see how Covaliov lifts his hand to shake the deal with Alexander. My mouth doesn't open not knowing what to say or even what to think at this point. Lucifer and Covaliov leaving the fights if they lose? What's gonna be of Colin? Paul and Bobby? Ryker?

I don't get to think much of it afterwards, Lucifer gently grabbing my hand and leading me to his motorcycle in front of the building prevents me from giving it another thought. My body doesn't argue either, the need to have an alone conversation with Lucifer is bigger than any other feeling inside of me.

Soon later, when the sound of the motorcycle is on I get on it behind him. Getting the chills on the back of my neck like someone is staring at me, my head looks back to find Alexander staring deeply into me getting on Lucifer's motorcycle. Even if he's far, the little smile on the corner of his lips gets my attention. Like he's not done. Like Damian going after me wasn't even the tip of the iceberg. He has another thing under his sleeve, something much, much worse.

Me having to grab Lucifer's waist since the motorcycle starts its way steals my eyes away from Alexander. But the chills of having his eyes on me are still flowing around on my skin.

I can't help it, my brain over thinks the deal over and over again. If Covaliov leaves, then Alexander is going to keep doing what he does. Threaten the next boxer, the next that has the ability to shake his boots while every fight. Just like Lucifer does. Even it's gonna be hard for someone to get inside Lucifer's shoes, it's not impossible to find someone as good as him. Eventually, the cicle is gonna happen again.

Then, if Lucifer wins, who can say that Alexander is gonna keep his word? His father owns everything, who can prevent him from keeping Alexander in even if he had a deal with Covaliov? The possibilities of Damian winning are the same as Alexander keeping his word.

Neither end has a good outcome. There's no winning here, no matter what happens tomorrow night.

Nerves suddenly overcome me. Words need to jump out of mouth, so, pinching Lucifer on the arm and then pointing to the side of the street allows him to understand what I want. Stop, and let everything out.

"What's wrong?" Lucifer says to me once I get out of the bike. He gives my cut a quick look, worried.

"What's wrong?!" I stare at him frustrated. "We need to do something! We can't let the deal be it, there's no good outcome!"

"We can't—"

"Yes, we can! We can bring Adam here, make him confess and then put Alexander's father against the wall and the blade, give him no choice put to remove his son from the fights!"

The confusion in Lucifer's eyes quickly shift into a realisation, like a switch has flipped and me knowing everything makes sense. "Coach..."

"Alexander thinks he has the upper hand, we can let him believe that while we think of something else to do. He likes to play games, let's do the same!"

"No, Lilith. Your safety is more important than anything else—"

"Fuck my safety! Why not?! You're telling me no when you just threatened one of his fighters? You're the one to talk." I seem to have struck something inside of Lucifer. He slowly shakes his head and looks down to my cut.

"What were you thinking? If I thought that going after Damian was stupid enough, now knowing that if you did it they could throw you in jail?! You knew that! Why would you go after him? Put yourself in danger like that! Stupid! Nothing was going through your head. No, actually, I would like to know what was going through your head. Explain to me what lead you to do such a stupid thing!"

Finally shutting my mouth the change in Lucifer grabs my attention. There's no confusion, anger or even sadness in his eyes. He's just looking at me like my words woke up something inside of him, with a shining sparkle and endless hope swimming around as he doesn't look away. His breathing is slow, telling me that his mind is focused on something that's calming him. What it is grows an intrigue in me that not words could describe.

I stare and I stare, waiting for an answer. Lucifer doesn't seem like he's waiting for anything, even if his mouth is shut. By the way that his expressions change from time to time, it's like he's having a thought process in his head. Suddenly, when his eyebrows go a bit furrowed and his eyes stare deeply into mine, his speed breathing makes him look like he's nervous to even talk to me. The little smile that shows on the corner of his lips, sweet and gentle, grabs my attention like I'm waiting for him to finally let out his deepest more dark secret.

Slowly letting out a sigh, Lucifer opens his mouth and transforms the shine in his eyes into a bigger one, like an explosion of fireworks that you see in theme parks. But there's no rollercoasters, just him, getting ready to let out words like he's waiting for the ride to start and take him to the top of the mountain.

"Lilith." He says to me, in his sweet and calming tone. "I'm in love with you."

...