"you love me for who I am, like the stars hold the moon"

miley cyrus — "when I look at you"

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" My mother's voice comes my way as she steps down the stairs of my childhood house excitedly. I get out of the taxi, hoping she doesn't trip.

"This is the best surprise you got this week, I know, I know." I joke before she arrives in front of me and wraps her arms around my body, welcoming me with a hug.

My mom, with her black long hair up in a bun and her glossy lips, cuts my breathing short while his tight arms don't let go of me for a couple of minutes. "I didn't know you were coming before grandma's dinner! I missed you, baby!"

"Lilith!" Teddy's voice sounds by the front door. Not wasting a second, without my mom letting me go, I manage to find my little brother already making his way to join the hug.

"Hi, poop head!"

"My two babies together!"

"If you want to keep it this way, you'll need to let me go because I'm starting to feel my lungs asking for air, mom."

Finally letting my body go, my mom stares at my eyes with nothing but happiness in them. Happy that his daughter is back at home.

I missed her so much.

"Are you staying after dinner?!" Teddy excited as he can be, shakes my arm for me to pay attention to him.

"And miss all the gossip we're gonna talk the three of us? No way, man."

"We can watch Captain America together, we haven't done that in a while! Or the super old ones where the special effects are questionable and we can make of them!" A loud and dramatic gasp leaves him. "Oh, way better! We can make a marathon! I'll make the list right now!"

And without waiting for an answer, Teddy runs back to the house behind us.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" I say to mom sarcastically. "What lies have you told him about me, mother?"

As a chuckle comes out of her, her eyes soon lead up to my messy hairs on top of my head. "What happened to your lovely curls?"

I try to brush them with my hand, but knowing my hair, it probably made it worse. "Oh, I shared a bed with Ada last night and she moves like a fish out of the water when she's asleep. I didn't had a great night sleep, so, my energy to take care of my hair wasn't with me this morning. It took a trip and it's in the Atlantic Ocean right now."

Mom doesn't laugh at my joke, instead, a confused look surrounds her. "Why did you shared a bed with Ada?"

Oh, oh.

"I spilled coffee on my mattress, it was drying." I come up with a lie as fast as I can, not wanting her to catch it.

Lucky for me, she's way too excited of me being here to even notice it. "I'm so excited you're here, baby." Placing her arm around my shoulders, she leads our way to the stairs of the house.

Our home. The place where I had my first school mental breakdown, where my room is strangely next to the kitchen, where I tripped and broke a tooth falling down the stairs and where the first girl that ever kissed me at the age of eleven told me that she had to go back to her boyfriend. Nothing but good memories in this house.

Made of wood with a white covered in flowers of every colour fence, yellow windows going perfectly with the light brown front door, columns on the front where one has Teddy's and I drawings when we were kids all over it, a failed garden made by my mom two years ago by the left side and a garage on the right, the two floor house is surrounded by trees and the beautiful town of Forwell.

I stare at it loving the warm feeling it's giving to my chest. I haven't noticed it lately, but now that I'm here, I missed it more than I ever did. The memories that it brings back to me, all the sounds and all the people that watched me grow up, there's no place like Forwell. "I haven't seen the house in months..."

"It missed you, I can tell." My mom makes us both stop in front of the stairs, letting me enjoy the view on more time. "And the window you used to sneak out too, it misses your ass slipping through it making so much noise that it woke up the entire town."

Yeah. When I was a teenager I liked to pretend nobody could hear me, but, now that I'm grown and I don't have to sneak out anymore, it's fine for me to admit that I could wake up Ada back in her hometown even if she lives a two hour plane away.

A loud song suddenly comes from the left side of the house. I recognise it immediately, it's Highway to Hell by AC/DC. I smile to myself getting that warm feeling again. Leading my eyes to our neighbours, the old couple with white hair, black clothes and dark red nails, start dancing and singing by the window like no one is watching them, just them in this crazy world. As they do their rock signs with their hands and take out their tongues, I can't help but let out a chuckle.

No matter how many years go by, the old Jefferson's don't change.

"Honey," I turn to my mom happily "I'm home."

Giving me a kiss on my cheek like most moms do, we both finally make our way towards the front door. Like expected, as soon as I touch the handle, the sound of the old door opening as the ones you see in horror movies hits my ears. Letting out a smile feeling it become music to me, I take a step inside the house.

"I really need to fix that door."

"Don't, you'll take the personality out of the house."

The smell of old wood surrounds my nose just like the picture that's hanged on the wall in front of the front door, gets my attention first. Teddy, me, and my mom all smiling as paints is all over our bodies brings that memory back to me. The event for charity that the town holds every year is a very popular thing, the three of us volunteered to be the ones that get hit by the paint balls people threw. Very fun. Very painful.

"Captain America first or Iron Man?" Before I can let myself see the house for the first time in months, an extremely excited Teddy stops my walk with a paper between his hands.

I think about my little brother's question— who am I kidding? "I miss Chris Evans, so, Captain America first."

Nodding quickly as he leaves my side, Teddy disappears front the right side of the house, where the kitchen and my room are. "Got it!"

I don't follow him, wanting to see something first. Walking inside the living room, by the left side to get on the stairs to the second floor, my feet immediately set foot on the third step. Without disappointing me, the acute sound it does every time someone steps on it surrounds the room.

Home.

"Let me guess," my mom sits on the couch that's placed on the front side of the stairs "checking the other part of the house's personality?"

I nod. "You guess correct."

My mom patting the right side by her on the couch and the little smile forming on her lips, it tells me a conversation is about to be have between us two. I sit down next to her, intrigued.

"So, are we gonna talk about the real reason you're here first?"

Me believing that my mom passed my lie innocent was foolish, if anyone can see my lying words are her. Specially if what happened last night is still somewhere inside my head trying to push itself out to the open and be the main character it hopes to be.

"All of the dresses that I have in my closet would give grandma a heart attack—" Still, I lie again even if it makes me feel horrible to lie to my own mom, the woman that has my back on the worst occasions, that would throw a heavy rock to anyone that could hurt me in any way.

"Don't cause a heart attack on grandma, please." Teddy interrupts mom, before she can say anything. Probably tell me how she doesn't believe my lie once again in her own words.

"Fine," I roll my eyes "just a minor freak out."

Mom grabs her phone and opens the note app. "I'll remind myself to grab a camera to take a picture when she does."

I nod, agreeing. "Good idea."

Teddy, grabbing a bunch of DVD's under the TV across the couch soon turns around to look at us even if the million of movies are covering half of his tiny face. "You guys are mean."

"Make the list, you poop head!" I throw a pillow at him. But I'm too late, he's already out from the living room into the tiny hallway that leads to the kitchen.

"I'm on it, you idiot!"

Mom pats my leg. "C'mon, spill it."

"Spill what?"

"The real real reason."

I swallow to give my brain the time to adjust the lie inside my head. Mom lifts an eyebrow, the same exact way she did when she asked me "So, the clicking noise that bottles do when they touch each other inside your bag aren't bottles of alcohol? Is that what you're gonna tell me now?"

She knew immediately. It was a mistake.

"I told you, the dresses—"

"I'm your mother, I taught you how to lie, Lilith. You can't outdo the professor."

I shrug my shoulders, ignoring the sudden horrible feeling in my chest. Tense and nervousness. "Everything's fine."

"Ada?"

"Good, studying and being the beautiful girl she is."

"School?"

"Hard."

"Professors?"

"Annoying."

"Lucifer?"

I freeze hearing that name.

My body moves to the front, leaving my mom's eyes as if I'm trying to hide from something. Realising how easy this could be to my mom to see my uncomfortableness and lead to her to think something that isn't true, my brain doesn't wait to look for a way out. "Who?"

Good save, Lilith.

"Last time I saw you two..."

"It's history—" I prevent her from moving forward with this conversation "no, it's not history because to be history there has to be history to begin with. He's nothing, a dark empty whole, non existent, poof, adiós!"

Hearing nothing but complete silence coming from my mom, I slowly turn to her afraid that I might regret it. And I do. The little smile and arched eyebrow leads me to believe she doesn't even believe a bit my cover. "I don't want you to get mad at me so I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Mom, what?" I annoyingly ask, regretting even more than me looking at her a second ago.

She slightly shrugs her shoulders. "You seemed fine when you were friends with him and now you don't sound well when you tell me he's... history."

"We were never friends." I correct her.

"Fine, classmates, whatever you guys are calling it these days."

"The old Hulk or the old Wonder Woman first?" Teddy interrupts our conversation again when he bolts into the room with the same paper than before.

"Wonder Woman." I reply, thankful than he cut my conversation with mom short.

Staring at us, Teddy suddenly turns to mom, arching an eyebrow. Intrigued on the sudden change of behaviour, knowing this time that I am gonna regret it, I look at mom and her tiny smile as she still staring at me.

Oh, boy.

"What are we talking about?" Teddy asks.

"Lucifer." Mom doesn't hesitate.

"Uuuuuh, Lucifer." He then proceeds to make kiss noises with his lips. I throw another pillow a him.

"The list!"

"It's done, idiot!" Sitting down on the coffee table in front of us, Teddy gives me a smile that he usually does when I agree to play a video game with him. "We need to go back to Lucifer, now, c'mon, c'mon."

"There's nothing to go back to." I play the uninterested.

"Lilith says he's history." But my mom replies for me.

What if I just visit the Jefferson's house? Escape from this misery of a conversation.

"What?" Teddy cuts my thought. "No! I liked him!"

I roll my eyes. "You liked that he liked Marvel and DC like you do."

"Yes! He's perfect! What else could you want in a man!?"

I slowly turn to mom, giving her a thumbs up. "He's gonna make a perfect boyfriend one day."

Teddy slaps me with the pillow a threw him earlier. "Why is he history?"

"We just stopped talking."

"Then talk again. Are you two stupid?"

"I agree." Mom says before I can object. Getting offended by the lack of support from my own family, no words come to me that could possible express my surprise.

Teddy shakes his head as he looks at mom, disappointed. "Why is it so hard for kids these days to just communicate?"

"Tell me about it."

I swear these family of mine—! "You two can't be serious right now."

"If you two just stopped talking then do it again." Teddy takes his hand towards his ear, pretending like it's a phone. "Hi? Hello? That easy."

He reaches me his hand. I stare a it, confused. "Why are you handing me the phone?"

"Call him."

"No."

"Don't be stubborn."

"Don't be a poop head."

"It's obvious that you two like each other just admit it already damn it!"

Honestly, I don't even know what to think right now. All I'm trying to do is keep what happened the last few days behind me, fighting it with the left strength my body has. Not even wanting to bring his name inside my mind.

"Teddy." Mom calls out my little brother.

"Sorry, it's just slipped out. You two are annoying me. C'mon, just say "Hey Lucifer I like you would you be my pretty little boyfriend?"" He tries to imitate my voice by going high pitch "and I'm pretty sure he'll be like "sure Lilith I'll pick you up at 7"" he goes low, giving us a grand show "and then you're gonna be like "alright Lucifer I'm gonna wear my most slutty dress that says come and get it for you!" he'll be thrilled that you are wearing that dress and then drool all over the floor the first time he sees you. There, first date, done."

I can't even react to my him. I don't know how to. So, my head just stares at mom. "You need to stop watching your romantic movies with him."

Also surprised on Teddy's show, she slowly shakes her head. "I don't even watch my romantic movies while he's in the room. Maybe it was when he was in my stomach, I thought it was gonna be fine. But turns out he's got the boy with the music radio playing outside your window nailed down."

Fine. I get stuck on that word.

It makes me remember the last words I said to Lucifer last night.

"I'm fine without you!"

They were almost shoot out, like a side of me has been waiting for my mouth to let it out as loud as it can. Why, is the question I could totally use the answer to. Why did I had the need to say it, out loud. The amount of confused feelings are nothing but a bunch of twisted lines inside my stomach, made all into a ball that's impossible to untangle. Maybe the answer is easy and I'm giving myself a hard time by overthinking everything, I'm used to that, but for now, my confused self has no idea what is truly going on with us.

Us.

Not wanting to keep this feeling inside my chest getting tighter, I get up from the couch to head out the kitchen. "This conversation is over, you two are crazy."

"Is there someone else?" I can hear Teddy ask behind me.

"No—" is my brother high?

"Are you cheating on Lucifer?! After that fantastic first date!?"

"You're insane!"

"Come back here, you missy!"

I walk inside my room by the right side of the kitchen, slamming the door in the process. "I'm getting naked so don't come in!"

That will keep the away from me for a bit. After that, I need it.

It looks like I need a break every time Lucifer comes into the conversation. Extremely confusing that even when he's not in the room, he has my head going crazy like the mentos when they go inside the coke. Strangely as it is, that's a accurate representation when Lucifer is inside my head.

Deciding to put it behind me, I turn to the room with four white walls and a wooden floor around me to let the memories flow like they did when I walked inside the house. First, I look at the bed with purple covers and bring back the memories of the amount of times I danced on top of it while ABBA played. Did it too much, that it broke one time Teddy sat on it. I still laugh at the memory of his curls clumsily following his head down to the floor, followed by me ending on his side too, laughing to try and hide the pain my back felt from falling. I had to sleep on the couch for two weeks straight until we could get a new one. I woke up every day to the smell of strong coffee made by my mom.

Then, by the right side of it, the window. Where the sun shines through every summer, the snow covers the glass letting me do drawings on it (mostly naughty ones), where, obviously fake, plants lay by the side of it because mom and I could never learn how to take care of something like a plant, and where I had the best opportunity to sneak out from. Yes, it's the one that did all the noise. One night I had to apologise to Mrs. Jefferson because she thought a robber was coming out of my house and she had called the police, making a mess of if all, but it was also the beginning of many and many fun nights. Never will ever top this window.

Going down, the dark red carpet is still there that I begged my mom to buy me at the store at the age of fifteen. I don't remember why, but I do remember the stain of white paint it has on the left corner of it, the result of a painting phase I had soon fading away because the realisation of all the artist genes were clearly stuck on my mom the moment I was born hit me looking at the little kid I drew with three eyes.

In front of the bed, under the closet, I can still see my old DVD's, books, and CD's. The last one goes from all sorts of things, rock and roll, pop, heavy metal, punk, even jazz that Teddy liked when he was a baby and it grew on me over the last years. The DVD's and the books, on the other hand, they're all of one thing: crime. I smile to myself thinking about the first book that I've ever read when I was ten, a murdered that happened on a train and it's solved by a twenty three year old girl who just moved into town. I wanted to be that girl, stubborn and determined to solve it no matter what. It was set on the 50's, so, of course, she was ahead of her time working to earn her money and hoping to be the boss one day in the future, not afraid of saying what she was thinking and making her presence known. She didn't care, and neither do I thanks to her.

My favourite part of my room, besides all of those crime documentaries and books, it has to be the wall behind my bed. Even if most of the things are gone because I moved to college, some pictures I left hang in there for me to look at them when I visit home. One of them is the big fountain that's in the middle of Forwell, mom took Teddy and I the first night we spent the night in this town. Another one is the day I brought Ada here, made her the town tour as we met all the people that belong to my life in here. The third one is from the night I got caught my the police because I was drinking beer at the age of sixteen (mom made me hang this one) and the last one is when I received an award for winning a case in high school. Every year Forwell High creates a murder investigation and the students have to solve it, just a little fun to release some streets after exams, and I was the one who solved it. Three years in a row. Definitely a proud moment for myself.

Turning to look at my closet, after giving a quick look and a smile to my exquisite duck lamp, a long sigh escapes me remembering what's happening tonight.

The dinner. Grandma's dinner. Joyce Avery's dinner. The woman who made Satan her little bitch dinner. Whatever you wanna call her.

Wear dark green, Lilith.

Her voice echoes in my head. "Wear dark green, Lilith." I mock her. "Wear dark green so it matches all the angry red that's gonna happen in your skin tonight. It's gonna be perfect!"

Yeah, absolute perfect.

I have to be happy for tonight, mom is. Even if we haven't sat down to talk about it, I can tell. No mean words or even a complaint has come out of her mouth since I came here. Usually, when we have to attend something for grandma, at least  one comment of her ditching is thrown by her. She's excited for Jackson, hoping that finally her mom will butt out of her life and let her be happy. I doubt it, Joyce is Joyce, and she'll do everything to get her way. No matter her plan tonight, I'll have mom's back.

"Dark green." I repeat myself as I walk towards the closet. "Do I even have a top that is dark green?"

Opening my fancy clothes and seeing a skirt that's probably shorter than the time Joyce would let me be inside that house if I wear it, I immediately close it.

I opened my slutty cabinet, oops.

The second one shows me a lot of things but not the dark green dress I'm supposed to be wearing. I have a deep feeling that I might own something, don't know what it could be, but me wearing something of that colour is somehow engraved in my memory. Opening my third cabinet, more formal clothes appear in front of me. Good, good, we're getting somewhere. Looking to the right and realising my favourite oversized shirt when I was a teenager is perfectly folded, even if it doesn't hide the rough edges showing my overly use of it for many years.

Remembering what it says, I stop my fingers from grabbing it. Did it had to be that?

Taking it out of the cabinet to open it and read the words "Lucifer's bitch" engraved in white letters while the red L is in big red, a long and annoyed sigh comes out of my mouth. Universe, you're in a big and goofy mood these past days, huh?

My chest gets tight again as my head inevitably brings the image of Lucifer  inside my mind. His cocky smile and messy curls, his fucking tattoos and big arms ready to hold me tightly anytime I would want. Fuck. When he's not in the room he has this upper hand against me, making me feel like this with just one memory or image created by my own head that only wants to fuck me up. It's not new, but still, I hate it like the first time.

Dropping the shirt into the cabinet not even folding it first to close it with a quick movement, I soon open the next one to get this heavy feeling away from me. Focus my head on something else.

And, lucky for me (thanks, universe) I find what I'm looking for. Strangely at this could get, a dark green dress is the first thing my eyes see. Picking it up, with a V line right on top of the chest and long sleeves for my skin to be covered in with this slight cold wind, I place the perfect dress for tonight in front of my body. Trying to remember where it came from, the memory of Ada and I going shopping while she visited the town comes to me. With two glasses of wine in, we ended up waking in one of those vintage place she adores to visit. Forwell has one of the best, and this dress, velvet texture, was "perfect" for me. Or at least, that's what Ada said.

>>>

"This is nice of your mother to land us a chofer." Jackson, mom's boyfriend with his fancy black suit on and usually messy curly hair now perfectly brushed, even if it still makes him have that innocent look, wonders around the black car that's taking us towards my grandparent's house.

Mom gives him a chuckle. "Jackson, you know so little about my mother. This is just a way to make sure she has full control of when we leave the party. She pays these people so they hear only and only her, it's an old tactic."

Jackson looks at her innocently. "Couldn't we just tell them to take us home at any time?"

Now I'm the one who has to laugh. "And risk getting yell at by Joyce Avery? They rather stay in this car with us in the back and let the silence take over until it's time. That woman is smart, have to give that to her."

Being patted on my left side on the arm, I stare at my mom to find out why is she calling me, but I don't look at her eyes since she's staring at Teddy, who's on my right side.

Turning to my little brother, I have to let out a smile finding him staring at the window with excitement plastered all over his face. From the corner of his lips, the type of smile that you don't notice you're giving is showing on his face, his perfectly curls fall by the side of his face while his eyes just stare at everything like they're doing it for the first time. "He's excited." Mom speaks by my side. "When you were in your room, he asked me how long were you gonna stay and then proceeded to make another list of crime movies for you to be happy tonight. He knows how stressful these nights can be for you."

I have to look at him again to make me forget about my annoying little brother for a minute, and just keep the image of him writing crime movies for us to watch together. A sudden warm feeling surrounds my chest, loving what my head has created. "Teddy missed you a lot baby."

If he knew how much I missed him.

I slightly shrug my shoulders. "I'm a great sister, what can I say?" I joke gaining a little chuckle from my mom. Giving her a smile, my eyes lead to Jackson who's still looking surprised around the fancy car. He's probably never been inside one of these, neither have I— well, maybe when I was three and we were still going to grandma's dinners. But I can't remember much. "So, Jackson, how are things going at the hotel you work at?" I don't know why I decided to start a conversation with him. Something about him staring at the car made me intrigued about him.

Jackson looks at me for a while, like he's surprised I asked him a genuine question. "It's going good, thank you for asking, Lilith."

"What is it exactly that you do?"

"I'm the main chef, so, basically I run everything that has to do with food."

Those words bring me back the memory of Ada and I blowing up our microwave trying to cook something in the middle of the night. "If I could take your to my dorm, my best friend would be very happy."

"I would love to cook something for you, maybe cereal?" Jackson sounds hopeful.

I, on the other hand, stare at him in shock. "You can make cereal?"

"Yes, absolutely."

Suddenly, nothing feels real. "Am I dreaming right now?"

Jackson laughs. "Done it a couple of times to try it out since your mother told me you like cereal, in case one day your wanted me to do some for you."

No words come out of me, my head slowly process what Jackson just said in silence.

What?

That's all I find to think about it. Him doing that is the nicest thing a man that's dating mom has ever done for me. My head can't fully process it, so, I just nod while a smile forms in my lips. "Let's not waste your knowledge then, my friend."

Jackson smiles hopeful again.

Make cereal? For me? Mom's boyfriend? What alternative universe did I step into?

"We're here!" Teddy's yells cuts my thought short.

With all its glory, Joyce and Philip's enormous house with white columns, perfectly cut grass and well taken care flowers it's outside our window. The car turns right into the driveway, parking just in front of the front door. To our left, finding a dark red car I've never seen before gains my attention. It's as fancy and expensive as the one we're in, probably even more, bringing the inevitable question of who else is inside that house.

Following mom and Jackson out of the car, the smell of flowers and grass comes through my nostrils into my nose. Usually, people love this smell, and, don't get me wrong, so do I, but sometimes the memories that it brings me aren't the nicest.

"That was nice." Mom says as she wraps her arm with mine. We both make our way towards the front door after we hear the doors of the car closing. Meaning, two fanboys of Marvel are following us behind.

"What?"

"You saying yes to Jackson making you cereal."

"I never say no to cereal."

"Still, making cereal is apparently not something easy. One night he made me try four different types of cereal while he said "yes, it's nice that you like them, but what about Lilith?" Like me being your mom gives me your taste too." She jokes.

I still can't find the perfect way to process it. But, showing my confusion to mom isn't something I want to do. "It was nice for him to do that." I choose to say.

Lucky for me, mom doesn't put much thought to it. Instead, after placing her arm around Teddy's shoulder as she also grabs Jackson's hand with that same arm, she gives us all a smile. "You ready?"

I simply nod. "Yeah."

My mom gets ready to knock on the door and make our arrival known. When she's about to touch the door, it swings open letting us an excited Joyce with a huge smile on her face. "You're here!" She has a dark red blazer on going perfectly with her skirt and black fancy shoes. All of her jewellery are gold, shining even if she's not moving.

"Grandma!" The first one to greet Joyce is Teddy, who immediately runs to her to give her a tight hug. For my surprise, she responds to it.

"Teddy, oh my, you look wonderful!" Joyce places her hands on his cheeks. "Such a gentleman!"

"Thank you, grandma." Teddy is facing me with his back, but I can still tell, he's smiling like crazy right now.

Joyce, once Teddy moves to the side to stare at the house like every time he does, in shock of how big it is, she moves to the three people standing like idiots in front of her: Mom, Jackson and I. "Jackson, love the tie! I think Philip has one that is similar to this one."

Nervously, Jackson looks at the tie as he nods. "He has good taste."

"I gifted to him so that is a compliment to me."

She's being way too nice, which inevitably takes me to believe something's off. Mom, thinking the same I am, gives me a quick look with her eyebrows furrowed before locking eyes with grandma, who's now ready to greet her.

"Celia, your hair looks lovely! Did you do something to it?"

Mom stays in silence for a bit, confused. "I don't think so—"

"Well, I love it." Joyce cuts her off. Being free of Joyce's sight since she turns to me, mom gives me yet another look.

Something is clearly going on.

"Lilith, darling!" I stare at grandma and her perfectly made makeup.

"Hi, grandma..."

Welcoming a tight hug coming from her, I take the opportunity to give mom the most confusing expression ever. "I adore the dress, you look beautiful!" Doing the same as she did with Teddy, she places her hands on my cheeks, staring at my soul. "Such a beautiful girl."

Is she summoning Satan by just looking at me?

Turning around excitedly, Joyce walks towards the inside of the house. "C'mon, c'mon, let's get inside!"

"Is she high?" I don't waste a second, I share my confusion and strange feeling with mom.

"Drunk?"

"What is she playing at?"

"I haven't seen her this happy since I said yes to wearing a floral dress." Mom makes us all follow behind Joyce. Staring at her, she notices the weirdness that I took from her words. Rolling her eyes, she just shakes her head uninterested. "I was six."

"We're all in the living room!"

All?

"Who's all?" Mom asks just like I did in my head a second ago.

We're truly mother and daughter.

"Oh, they're here!" Grandpa's voice surrounds the living room once we all step inside of it.

He's not alone. A man on his fifties accompanies him by his side on the left, and on the right, a woman also on her early fifties. They both look expensive, as he wears a dark suit on with a shiny ring on his pinky and a big watch, the woman wears his hair perfectly brushed, looking like she just walked out of the hair salon, and her light pink dress covering her arms with a sparkly grey blazer. Her nails are done, just like her makeup, perfect. The third and last boy gains my attention the longest. He's close to my age, maybe a year or two older. His hair black, all pushed back with gel, giving all the attention to his light brown eyes that go perfectly with his suit. He immediately locks eyes with me, and smiles like he's been waiting for my presence since he came here.

I got a feeling who this people are.

"Hi, dad." Mom greeting Philip once he arrives in front of us cuts my attention from the people sitting by the couch.

"My God, you all look wonderful these evening." Grandpa points at Jackson's chest, giving him a smile. "Love the tie."

"Thank you, Sr."

"Call me Philip, makes me feel old." Teddy moves impatiently by my side, waiting for his turn to get noticed by grandpa. "Teddy, boy, have you gotten taller?"

He proudly nods. "I may have, grandpa."

"One day you'll be as tall as me."

"I hope."

Teddy wishes so deeply to have a good relationship with Joyce and Philip, that sometimes, I just wish things were different between all of us. He deserves it more than the three of us combined.

"School going good?"

"Yes, I got an A+ on math yesterday."

"That's my boy." Turning his attention to mom, Philip smiles at her like he knows a secret only the two of them know. "Celia."

"Dad."

"Work?"

"Busy, but good."

"Like being the boss?"

Mom smiles too. "Got it from you."

Celia and Philip, the tiny conversation relationship. Truly inspiring.

"Lilith," Philip calls my name "you look beautiful as always. And you keep being that smart girl I know you are?"

"I didn't fall of my bed when I woke up this morning, so, I'll say I still am."

Philip chuckles. "Always with your funny jokes."

When I'm in this house, I have to be.

"That's me."

"Philip, I think it's time to introduce everyone!" Joyce breaks our quick greeting as she grabs, strangely, my arm and pulls me by Philip's side. I don't argue about it, my brain has decided to see what's truly going on before going full crazy mode on grandma.

"Oh, yes, of course." Philip takes a tiny step to the side letting us see the three strange people approaching us. The tall older man smiles at mom and then at Jackson, before shaking Jackson's hand first. "This is Harrison Lawrence." Philip introduces him.

And that's what everything falls in place.

He's the man. The Harrison Lawrence that Philip and Joyce were excited to meet the last time we were in this house. Apparently, and as far as I've heard, he's owns a big company in London. And also, it takes me to believe, he doesn't only look rich, he probably is too.

"And his wife Laura Lawrence." The woman shakes mom's hand first, giving her a sweet smile.

"Nice to meet you, Celia. Philip talks wonderful things about you."

Mom chuckles. "Must be another Celia."

"Don't be humble, Celia," Philip argues in a jokingly tone "running the place you work at isn't something to be unnoticed."

I stare at mom, and liking the surprise yet happy smile on her face, I can't help but smile too.

Going back to the now not so strangers in front of us, my eyes land on the last person I don't know the name to. The boy is already looking my way with a smirk showing on the corner of his lips. I don't find it disgusting or even strange, my brain just decides to let it pass holding myself down to not let out an inevitable expression.

Wait... if the old man is Harrison Lawrence, and the woman is his wife, Laura, this boys must be—

"And, this is Eric Lawrence, their son."

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Why did it took me so long to put it together? I'm a Crime Justice major, right?

Feeling like mom is giving me a look, I try turning to her and see if I'm right, but I can't, Joyce holds my arm tighter and makes us both take a step closer to the family.

"I quite love the dress you're wearing." His British accent can be noticed from miles. His parents don't have it, they probably moved to London later on, but Eric was born there which makes his accent make sense.

There, my Crime Justice major is paying off.

"Lilith." Joyce breaks my thought.

"Joyce?" I ask her, confused.

"Don't you have to say something nice to Eric?" Her question makes me realise what Eric said a second ago. Yeah, my dark green dress that Joyce forced me to wear and it's apparently in the liking of this fancy boy. What am I a supposed to say now?

"Nice... accent." That's all my brain finds to let out. And for the strong grip Joyce gives me, I can tell that it wasn't what she was expecting.

What? It is a nice accent to hear, not gonna lie. I don't know why Joyce is annoyed.

Eric holds back a thought, probably not expecting my compliment either. Still, he manages to simply nod. "Thank you."

I nod back. "You're very welcome."

Joyce grips my arm once again. I don't let it affect me. Having an argument with her isn't on my to do list tonight, enjoying an evening with my mom and Teddy is what I plan to do. Maybe get to know Jackson a bit more, since, well— he can make cereal. He can stay a while longer.

"Everyone sit, sit, sit, let's have some drinks!" Philip leads everyone to the couch behind us, probably unaware of Joyce's true intentions for tonight.

Once grandma leaves my side, now mom is the one that holds my other arm and walks me closer to her. With these two women I'm gonna have bruises all over my arms!

"This is why she's happy." She manages to make her angry words only heard by me. I don't respond to her since Joyce drags me away from mom and sits me down next to Eric, who gives me a quick look before grabbing a drink from the coffee table.

If I'm gonna end up with wounded arms, I better get alcohol too.

"Now," Joyce starts the conversation as Philip heads tomorrow the mini bar behind the couch "we were talking about Eric and his amazing record in golf."

"Yes, if I'm being honest," Harrison slowly nods "even if I hate to admit it, my son is better than me."

Eric chuckles, shaking his head. "You taught me."

"You outdid the professor."

They remind of me and Teddy, but in the opposite way, him and I compete against each other to tell who's better at everything. We even had a competition for who can finish washing the dishes the fastest a while ago. Mom was thrilled.

"Eric," Joyce talks, again "did you know that Lilith played golf with Philip once?"

I stare at with her with the look of "...when I was three."

"You did?"

Finding that I have not only Eric's surprised look on me, but from everyone in the room, I thank the universe (Philip, to be more exact) since grandpa handing me a drink gives me the time to find an answer before sitting next to Harrison and starting their own little business conversation with him and his wife, Laura.

"Well— I, yes I did." I shake my head. "I'm awful at it." Because I wasn't strong enough to even lift the stick above my own tiny head.

"Maybe Eric can teach you!"

Oh, Joyce... My tongue has to bite itself to not let out at annoyed or sarcastic comment. It's clear as the sun on a summer day what she's trying to do tonight, but I'm not gonna let her get to me. It's not about me tonight.

I just simple smile at Eric, who's nodding excitedly. "If she wants to."

"Of course she wants to!" Joyce replies before I can.

Again, my tongue suffers under my teeth.

"Wouldn't be nice if Lilith said that?" It sounds like mom isn't trying to hide her annoyance and anger towards her own mother. Letting her words out between teeth, the dirty look that she sends Joyce's way passes unnoticed by everyone expect me, who knows her enough to catch on her tone and be sure of what it means.

"Eric have I told you that Lilith studies Crime Justice in college?" Joyce tries again.

God, give me the strength to pull it through. Please. I wasn't planning on wanting to murder someone tonight.

"No, you haven't." Eric replies, innocently.

He turns to me, like he's expecting an answer. I nod. "I do."

I'm as uncomfortable as a piece of chocolate under the hot sun, melting away from its own life.

"And did you told me that you just watched a crime show the other day?"

"I did."

Joyce smiles even more excitedly than before, like the cat from Alice in Wonderland. "It's wonderful to find out you have something in common with someone, isn't it?"

My tongue rebells against the wishes of my brain. "I think there's a bit of difference between just watching a crime show and actually studying Crime Justice, grandma." A fake a chuckle out, to bring down my argument with my own grandmother in front of Eric.

"That's non sense!"

"Did I hear you study crime justice?" Harrison breaks away from the conversation with Philip to ask me. I nod again. "What would you like to do?"

"Profiler."

Harrison nods approvingly. "Wonderful job."

"Dangerous." Joyce prevents me from liking the compliment and the look from Harrison.

I shake my head. "Not all the time."

"I don't know why you let her do this kind of things, Celia."

Mom lets out a long breath out, reminding herself it's not worth fighting against Joyce. "She can choose how to live her life, mom."

"Wasn't this dinner about Jackson, huh?" I try to defuse the tension in the room once I notice Joyce getting ready to give mom a dirty look. Turning to Jackson, I find him surprised that I brought him into the conversation. "Tell us, Jackson, what's your favourite thing to cook?"

"Oh my—!" Joyce interrupts. Now the long breath comes out of my mouth, feeling how it's getting harder and harder for me to fight my annoyance and frustration inside. "I just realised Lilith's dress matches Eric's tie! What a beautiful coincidence!"

Confused, and at the same time, refusing to believe that Joyce has some sort of magic powers to know that this would've happened, my head brusquely turns to Eric to see if it's true. And it is. His tie matches perfectly with my own dress, even the texture of velvet that it makes it soft. Eric looks down too, surprised.

The more and more I live knowing Joyce, the more life makes me believe she has Satan by her side.

"Yeah..." I slowly nod, giving mom another look "coincidence."

It truly looks like mom is way over this than I am. Rolling her eyes, she's shaking her head getting ready to let out something to go after grandma. I try to prevent it by looking for something to say inside my brain—

"Dinner's ready." The maid helps me once she walks inside the living room.

I let out a sigh, relieved.

This is gonna be a long, long night.

"Wonderful!" Joyce brusquely yet elegantly, stands up from the couch to lead everyone's way towards the table.

Once the entire group leaves the living room, mom and the fire in her eyes wanting to burst out, it tells me that I better have a word with her before joining the group.

"I'm gonna say something if she keeps this up." Mom doesn't waste a second to walk towards me and say as she gets closer.

"Don't, mom. I don't want to ruin anything, Teddy and Jackson don't deserve to watch a fight, let's just change the subject every time she tries something."

Slowly shaking her head looking at the way Joyce left, I get the feeling she's trying to curse her in every way possible. Or maybe looking for a way out, I can't tell. "I hate this."

"I'm the one who she wants to marry here." I joke. "The only man that I ever wanted to get marry to is the guy at my college who fills the cereal boxes, no one else."

And I stand by that.

Liking that I made mom let out a chuckle, I wrap our arms together to finally join the table where everyone is already sitting, Philip by the head of the table, Joyce in the other, Harrison and Laura both on each side of Philip's body, Eric sits in between his father and Teddy. I'm in front of him, in between Mom and Jackson. The maid takes the drinks to each owner while Harrison, Philip and Laura go back to their prior conversation and Jackson speaks to Teddy, which leads to a tiny laugh coming out of my little brother.

"So, Eric, when are you moving to London?" I hear Joyce asking once I sit down.

"In about to months, maybe a bit less."

"Just in time when Lilith graduates!"

Clear of what Joyce meant by saying those words, my tongue tangles inside my mouth to not argue about it.

As quick as my drink gets on the table, being left there by the woman, I take it towards my mouth to let the alcohol burn my throat. "Another wonderful coincidence!"

Mom's hands grips my hand under the table, and I know it's not because she's trying to calm me, she's trying to calm herself down by taking it all on my poor, poor hand.

"Teddy," I say to turn the focus on my little brother and to prevent mom from snapping "why don't you tell us the story about the weird bug that appeared in school today."

"Lilith, what is exactly the thing that you want to do?" Harrison Lawrence prevents Teddy from telling his story. And I, hate that. Would set anyone on fire if they tried to make my brother feel unwanted. He's not the type to say anything, but I am. And so is mom. Gripping my hand harder, my need to say something about it gets cut short. Preventing mom from getting into a fight is clearly my task for tonight. It's gonna be the Red Wedding from Game of Thrones if I don't stop her. 

"A profiler." I just reply, even if he already asked the question before.

"After your graduate? Wouldn't you like to, I don't know, start a family?"

Uhm— What?

"Why can't I do both?"

Joyce chuckles. "You can't have a career and raise children, a mom has to be devoted to her children 24/7."

I shrug my shoulders, uninterested. "Maybe I don't want children."

Another chuckle comes from grandma, like my words are nothing but nonsense. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I don't imagine Lilith as a mom." Teddy laughs, jokingly. "She'll lose the baby."

I shake my head, disgusted by the idea of having to change dirty diapers. "I can't handle the crying."

"You'll cry even louder just to make it stop."

Teddy's right, I would.

"She'll be the soccer mom who wants to fight the referee for being bad at his job." Mom joins the joke.

"I'm competitive, so, definitely. The type of mom who would go hangover to the match."

"With cereal to ease the headache." Jackson adds.

I'm starting to like him.

A bit.

I point at him, laughing. "Exactly!"

"Stop it, all of you." Joyce intervenes, trying to not sound as annoyed and angry as she truly is. But knowing for a while now the Joyce that hides her true feelings while she's surrounded by important people, gave me the talent of catching it. She slowly turns to Eric, regaining the smile in her face. "Are you excited about moving back to London, Eric?"

"I am, reuniting with a bunch of friends is something that is always nice."

"Lilith, didn't you tell me the other day that you wanted to visit London?" Joyce asks me.

No?

I don't respond.

"She loves to travel, it would be nice for you to show Lilith around there!"

My brain doesn't know what to say. Is Joyce really inventing conversation between her and I? And likings of mine?

My teeth bite my lips, nervously.

"Lilith loves to travel from the bed to the refrigerator, that's for sure." Mom lets go of my hand, turning to Jackson and Teddy. "I once heard, when she was three, her tiny footsteps going to the kitchen to get anther bottle of milk. How did she get out of the crib? I still have no idea."

I nod, proudly, trying to ignore the nervousness and uncomfortableness. "Always smart."

Teddy chuckles. "Shut up, you probably don't even know how you did it."

"You shut up, poop head."

"Lilith!" Joyce calls out my... "bad" word. Finding herself breaking character, she brings back the smile once again. "Everyone's gonna love the new chef, he's from Argentina and knows how to cook beef perfectly. We love him." She turns to Eric. "Do you like beef?"

"I do, thank you. I'm sure it'll be delicious."

"Lilith likes beef."

Here we go again. I want to roll my eyes and scream at her. What's it gonna be this time? Joyce suggesting that I get in that kitchen and cook something for Eric?

"Maybe you and her can visit all the places that serve the best beef in London."

Alright, she wants me to marry him, then go to London and probably live there. What else? Take a guess, everyone. Be the perfect house wife? Cook for him every day? Insinuate that I fuck him and get pregnant?

My patience is starting to run low. And my tongue is starting to hurt from being under the grip of my teeth.

"And then, well, maybe you and her can visit all those people that you told me about before she arrived. I've heard London is a great place for first dates!"

First dates?! Is she fucking serious?!

Giving Eric a quick look, he doesn't have the same smirk as before. Instead, he looks as uncomfortable as I am as his eyes are glued to the plate in front of him.

I hate this. As much as I did the night I found out about Joyce's true plan. Maybe mom's gonna be the one to prevent me from saying anything after all, not the other way around.

My foot moves up and down with a quickness I've never felt it before, fighting the nerves inside of my body.

"Weddings are wonderful there, wouldn't you think Eric?"

Weddings?!

"Hey, Eric," I find myself saying "I think that if you like to jump out of a cliff and do it, I'm gonna have to follow you!"

"Lilith." Joyce calls my name, ready to lecture me.

"What, grandma? You wouldn't like that?"

"Your behaviour is being unacceptable."

"Hey, Eric," I turn to him once again, and this time, his eyes land on mine "wouldn't you like to make your behaviour unacceptable so it leads to Joyce planning our weeding next? Or maybe don't, and she'll see that you're the kind of neat person I'm supposed to be hanging out with!"

"Lilith—"

"Maybe I'm nothing of what she wanted me to be so she's trying to mould me into the person that has a stick up her ass! Wouldn't you think that?"

"Baby..." Mom's soft voice plays by my side, but it's too late...

"Or maybe, maybe, if you now talk about your fantastic future job she'll tell you how nice it would be for you to take care of me while I give you sons, and I'm just the house wife that gets treated badly even if she does all the work like a woman from the fifties!"

"Lilith, outside!"

I brusquely get out of my chair. "Gladly!"

My body doesn't even have to follow Joyce outside towards the patio, it already decides to walk out as my head has understood the realisation of my soon to be have fight with grandma.

"The damage that you have done to this dinner is unbelievable!" I can hear Joyce say behind me the moment the fresh air surrounds my nose and body and the new conversation Jackson tried to make after we both left fades away. "Now I'm gonna have to apologise to everyone!"

I brusquely turn to face Joyce, who looks at me like I'm the most rebellious person he has ever encountered. "Me?! What about you?! You were practically waving your wedding bells like a crazy lady in front of Eric and I! He was as uncomfortable as I was!"

Shaking her head, Joyce takes a second to thing her words. "I knew I should've stopped these relationships that you have, they're certainly driving you into the wrong areas. Snapping like that while we're about to have dinner? What's wrong with you?"

"Relationships I have? You don't even know one of my friends."

"I know one! And I know he's the one who has you acting this way."

"This way?! I've always been like this, grandma, what are you talking about?" She doesn't respond, instead, she stands there waiting for me to get my own answer. Immediately, my head knows it, like a strange spark has entered my brain with the answer inside of it. A name, to be more exact. "Lucifer." I say, gaining a roll of the eyes from Joyce. "What does he have to do with all of this?"

"He's a bad influence."

"You don't even know him." I say before thinking.

"I know enough to know he's not the type of man you want for your future!"

"I don't want any type of man for my future!"

"He's not husband material, he's not good enough to take care of you. What kind of job does he have? Does he have a plan for life? How much money is he planning to make?" My head feels like it's going to explode any second now, hurting from every word that Joyce says to me. "Is he the type of man that would want to come to my dinners and be the respectful man that he has to be?"

"When has he ever been disrespectful? Lucifer has treated me better than any other man has ever treated me. He's kind, he's attentive and has respected me even if I wasn't doing the same thing to him! I don't even know if he has a plan for life, what makes you think you know? He's a great man and will make a great husband!"

Joyce chuckles. "Please, don't make me laugh."

"You're just mad that he isn't the man that you pictured me with."

"And you picture yourself with him?"

Joyce's phrase makes me slowly realise what I've been saying and what I've been doing. I'm defending Lucifer like he's a friend of mine, like it hurts me to hear all of those things about him just as they were said about me. My mouth stays shut surprised of everything that came out of me, not being able to understand why I did it.

My silence makes Joyce lift an eyebrow, like it's giving her an answer. "You do?"

"No." I quickly shake my head, still in shock over what just happened.

"Then why are you defending him?"

"I'm not."

"It sounds like it."

It sure does.

"I just don't want you to critic any of my friends when you don't even know them." Thankfully, my brain is good at recovering myself from awful situations my tongue has put me through.

"Is Lucifer your friend?"

But sometimes, it also goes in hand with my tongue, and it messes things even more.

"No."

"He's more, then."

"No, grandma stop! You always find a way to get inside my brain and somehow turn my words into something they're not!"

"I do not!"

"Yes! You always find a way to turn something against me! Against mom!" I can feel my chest getting tighter, finally being able to break free from the fight of wanting to keep everything inside. Just as my throat wants to close up, my mouth opens again. "It's like you don't even try to have a good relationship with us! You don't even try to get to know us! Thanks to Teddy you're getting to see us more often but you do all of these things that makes us feel like you don't even want us around!"

"Like what?! This is absurd!"

"Absurd is you practically asking my ring size to engage me to Eric and then send me to London with him!"

"I was just recommending things that you two could do together!"

"Why? We don't even know each other! You want me away because you know that it would upset mom and that would be your opportunity to get in her head again! Manipulate her into being the perfect daughter you want!"

"I don't want you away, Lilith! This is insane!"

"Then why do you want me to go to London with Eric? You kept insisting it! You always try to push me away! From mom, from Teddy! Always critiquing what I wear, what I say, who I fucking am! Every time we see each other you just find a way to hurt me or even get me mad! What is it, grandma? What?!" A single tear drops down my cheek. I don't mind my throat already closed, my mouth fights to let out the words my brain wants to scream. "You blame for ruining mom's bright future?! From being born?!"

A long breath of relief shakes out of me for finally saying out loud what has been a thought of mine in the back of my head since I was a little kid, receiving a type of treatment from Joyce that not only hurt my little kid heart but my tiny brain trying to develop.

"Lilith—" Joyce sounds surprised by my words.

"Sometimes I feel like you just hate me." The little child in me says, trying to heal from it.

"I don't hate you."

I slowly shake my head, not being able to feel any type of left sympathy for Joyce Avery. "I can't believe you."

My mouth can't find anything else to say as my brain shuts off, letting all the tears wanting to drop down my cheeks finally be free. Not waiting for a response, my body turns around towards the right side of the patio, where the back door is. Opening it brusquely to leave the house, as soon as my feet step outside a long cry pushes my eyes into blurring and enabling me to look where I'm headed to.

"Lilith!" Joyce's sounds behind me, so, I walk faster wanting to leave and fade that voice away from my own ears.

I walk and I walk. I don't know where and my blurry eyes won't let me see anything around me, all I can start to hear is the cars passing by my right on the road. And I don't care. All my head can think about is the wound that has opened tonight, carrying out all the pain that has been accumulating inside that closed door for years.

How come a grandmother can find in herself the strength to treat their own grandchild like that? Push them away from their life while they say all those awful things. Is it so hard for her to like the way I am? I'm I that unlikeable to her? Am I that far off of what she wanted me to be?

My feet don't stop as my heart beats faster than any car passing by. The tears still dripping down my cheeks have probably made a mess of my makeup while my skin is wetter than a pool. My mouth is dry and my stomach hurts from all the inside pain, and I can't find anything that could stop it. Not even my hurting feet from walking so much stops my body from getting further and further away from the house.

I don't even know where I am at this point, maybe far, maybe not, I've never seen this part of the road in my life. Not even as my mom drove with her car multiple times with me in the back, thinking of every place I rather be going to than my grandparents' house.

Getting lost in the night around me, my fight with Joyce goes back to me like a fast truck hitting my head, making a mess of it all once again and bringing the tears down my cheeks. What did I do to her? Does she truly blame me for "ruining" the future that she wanted for mom? Like she would've taken it with me in her life or not.

A loud cry shakes out of me as my chest hurts even harder than before. My heart beats and beats fast as if it wants to jump out of my chest. My inability to look where I am because of my blurry eyes makes my body even more nervous than it already is, and my quick breathing, begging for more air, hyperventilating like the one around me isn't enough doesn't help me. My feet suddenly stop, getting dizzy and shaking my legs in the process. The unsteady feeling that troubles my brain on focusing my surroundings makes me sense like I'm not inside my body anymore, I'm somewhere else trying to find the door out. But I can't find anything.

What's happening to me? Everything's spinning, the cars around me aren't cars anymore, just lights flying by as my body looks for a way out of this undying mess. I swallow to fight away the nauseous feeling inside my stomach, but it soon makes my chest hurt even more with my pounding heart speeding.

Without thinking about it, with my shaking hands I grab my phone inside my bra and unblock it. My eyes can't see anything, not even the letters in my bright screen. My fingers act on themselves, typing away a name on my search bar to call for help.

Once my thumb clicks the blurry green button, I take the phone towards my ear to then soon hear the calling sound coming from it.

"Lilith?" That familiar raspy voice sounds on the other side of my phone. "Hello?" I can't find the strength in me to let out a word. My quick breathing prevents me. "Did you meant to call me?" Lucifer doesn't sound annoyed as he asks me that question. Instead, hope shines through. "Why are you breathing so heavily— are you alright?" His tone changes drastically to a worried one. I, on the other hand, still can't let words go even if my mouth is open. "Lilith, what's happening? Answer me." The little strength my body has is all put out on me prevent myself from falling on the floor, fainting. "Where are you? I'm going to pick you up." My mouth wants to say something and call for help, at least a word. But nothing... "Talk to me, please."

His sweet voice, somehow, manages to break free a word from my part. "Lucifer..."

I don't get a response on my phone for a second. The silence is all covered by my breathing still shaking my chest up and down, begging for more air like the rest around me can't help me.

I need whatever this feeling is to go away. Please.

"You're having a panic attack." Lucifer finally says, like he was coming up with the conclusion a minute ago. "Lilith, I want you to listen to my words carefully." I try to do as he says. "Close your eyes and focus on something inside your brain, something pretty, a place, a word, a face..." my eyes go closed "do you got it?"

I instantly regret it, the sounds around me become even louder. The cars sound like race cars passing right on the side of my ear, sounding like explosions and hurting my brain in the process. All of that makes my breathing and heart go faster, while the feeling of not being in my own body anymore comes back.

"Lilith?"

"I— I can't..." I manage to let out once I re open my eyes.

"It's alright, baby, it's alright. I hear cars, do you have cars around you?"

My dizzy eyes see the flashing lights in front of me. "Yes."

"Do you see someone stopping?"

A car stops right on the other side of the road, getting my attention for a second. "Yes." I say before I lose it.

"Focus on that car, Lilith. What color is it?" Like I was expecting, the car fades away behind the flashing lights running by. I cry gets stuck on my throat enabling to let out another word. "Lilith, what color?" Lucifer's voice somehow helps me, and I find it again.

"Red."

"Red, good, good. What's happening around that car?"

My eyes slow down, like a remote is controlling them in a movie scene. "A woman is getting out. Now a little girl."

"What is the woman wearing?"

"A black jacket. And jeans."

"Is the woman wearing a hat?"

I can feel my breathing going slower just like the cars around me. "No."

"What color is her hair?"

"Blonde."

"Good, good. What are they doing now?"

"They're having a snack, both of them." My heart goes calmer, letting me hear the woman's voice from a far.

"Are they looking at something?"

"The stars."

"When I count to three, you look at the stars too, Lilith, and when you do, try to hold your breath for five seconds." I nod even if Lucifer can't see me, to let myself know I understand what I had to do. "One, two, three..." I look up and close my mouth. As soon as my eyes focus on the stars, my heart goes calmer matching the softness of the starts accompanying the night and the moon. There's a ton of them, shining in their place. Even if they all look the same, there's something about each one that feel like they have an uniqueness. I don't know what it is and I don't let myself look for it, not understanding it, makes them even more interesting.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Lucifer's voice bringing me down to my own reality makes me realise that my chest is not hurting anymore, the air around me is enough and the nauseous feeling has gone away.

"Yes." My mouth doesn't trouble to let out.

"Better?" I nod to myself, closing my eyes. "Where are you?"

If I knew.

"Send me your location, I'm going to pick you up." I don't argue about it. Taking my phone away from my ear, I send my location to Lucifer. "Lilith?" His sweet voice sounds as soon as I let my phone against my ear again. "I'm gonna be there in five minutes, don't worry."

My eyes go close, liking the feeling inside my chest. Warm.

"Stay there."

"I will."

I end the call letting a piece of cold air go inside my nose while my brain tries to understand what just happened.

I've never felt like that before, I've never even let grandma get me like that. My mind is just a blank space of thoughts flying around meaninglessly. What now? Am I ever gonna be able to set foot on that house again? Did mom and Teddy heard my conversation with Joyce?

Teddy...

Movie night is gonna have to wait for another weekend at home.

Sitting down on the grass while the cars don't stop passing by, I hug my legs as my knees touch my chest. One car is red, one blue, one black, two whites... how did Lucifer knew how to calm me? He said those things like he knew exactly what to do. His sweet voice carrying me out of that panic attack makes me ask myself the question if he ever experienced something like that before.

My phone rings.

Mom.

Before answering her call, I let out a long breath out. I beg she didn't hear my fight with Joyce, please.

"Mom."

"Baby, oh my god, finally! I've been trying to get signal on this fucking house for minutes!" She sounds worried...

"I'm fine—"

"Where are you? I'm picking you up."

"Mom, no."

"The absolute audacity of Joyce to say things like that! Has she not done enough already?! Fuck! I'm so fucking mad! And then proceeding to tell you she wasn't doing exactly what she was doing! If you think I didn't give her a piece of my mind after you left you're definitely wrong!"

I'm guessing she did hear it...

"Where are you, Lilith?"

"I'm safe, mom. You don't need to pick me up."

"Baby, I..." I can notice her voice going weaker on her "What you said about you, ruining— I can't ever let it out. Before you say anything, I had no idea Joyce was making you feel like that, if I would've sooner I would've never go back to that house or even suggest you talk to them again. I hate her for making you feel like this all of these years. You and Teddy are the best things that have happened to me, by far, I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you two. The lights of my world. You give me strength to keep going, you bring smiles to my life like no other person could ever give me, you taught me so much, baby, you have no idea. I love you guys with all my heart. Please, never forget that."

Again, tears mixing with happiness and sadness run down my cheeks. "I love you too, mom."

"Please, tell me where you are, I'll take a taxi there."

Don't ask me why, but right now, getting picked up by Lucifer sounds better than anything else. "I'm already on a taxi, mom." I lie. "Don't worry."

"It's alright, get some sleep and rest. Talk tomorrow?"

"Talk tomorrow. And mom?"

"Yes?"

"Did Teddy—?"

"No," she stops me, like she knows what I'm going to ask "he didn't hear the fight. I only did because I started to follow you two after a second you walked out. He's alright, I told him Ada got sick and you went back to take care of her. And yes, he did offer to help her too."

I chuckle. "Sounds like him."

"I love you, baby."

"Love you too."

While my thumb ends the call, another tiny cry shakes of me. I can't help it or even fight the next in, it's again all a mess of emotions that hurt my chest like it did before.

The sound of a motorcycle stopping by my side can be heard. I look up to find a tall man removing his helmet as soon as he steps out and walks towards me. Dropping the helmet on the floor without a care in the world, Lucifer gets closer and closer with worry written all over his eyes.

I don't think about it, I get up ready to let him wrap his arms around me. He does it, sending nothing but a warm feeling to my body as my tears drop and drop down my cheeks.

"It's alright, it's alright, love. I'm here." His sweet voice whispers to me. "You're gonna be fine."

I let it all out as Lucifer holds me tightly under the moonlight. Everything hurts, my chest, my heart, my brain, but somehow, Lucifer is making me feel for the first time tonight the safest I've ever felt in my entire life.

"I'm here... I'm here..."

...