"and there's no way I'll end up with you, but friends don't look at friends that way"

tate mcrae — "that way"

LUCIFER.

I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with the girl I hate.

I'm in love with Lilith Avery.

Shit.

Now what?

I don't remember going to class, I don't even remember finding my class room. Somehow, I'm now standing in front of the gym while the clock shines with the numbers 16:45, waiting for me to get inside and start training like I always do. I don't even know I should be here, coach didn't tell me to stay behind today and miss training, but I rather come here and be told to go home, than miss it when I wasn't supposed to. Covaliov's anger wouldn't be easy to take at this point.

What if I see her? She's supposed to be working right now. Inside this building is the girl I love, probably behind the desk or in the bathroom cleaning towels with her perfect skin and pretty smile. So annoying, I hate her. Fuck. No, I don't.

Should I say something if we walk pass each other? Hi? How are you? I hate you? You're annoying? You suck? You look absolutely perfect right now and I'm completely madly in love you?

Maybe not the last one.

Should I tell her?

Wait— no! It's not like I can just walk up to her and be like "Turns out I don't hate you right now and I love you. How weird is that? Want some cereal again?" I'm an idiot! A complete idiot! Couldn't I just stayed with the way things were and not change drastically everything?! No! I have to ruin it! Like I always do! Would it be so difficult to go back to hating her?!

Lilith is the first thing my eyes see when my hands brusquely open the door of the gym. Smiling at something Paul is saying to her, my heart immediately skips a beat.

Oh, perfect. I guess it is going to be difficult. Harder than the times I had to deal with Covaliov because I was late to training.

"I'm so proud of you, Paul!" Lilith says as she shakes Paul's arm. I stay in my place doing the same as before, covering my strange nerves my looking for... something inside my back pack.

"Thank you! It is a big step for me."

"I'm glad you did it, now you'll never be able to stop and you'll definitely suspect everything around you. It's all down hill from here."

What are they talking about?

"What happened?" Colin appearing from the hallway asking the question that I would, he dries his wet hair with a towel.

Paul, proudly of what he has accomplished, gives Colin a little smile. "I watched my first crime documentary yesterday."

"Dude! And you didn't cry?"

"I didn't!"

My eyes go back to Lilith and the smile on her face while looking at Paul like a proud mother. I can't drift my sight away from her, not caring about my friends carrying with the conversation.

"Good job, Paul!"

"Thank you! Thank you!"

"Did you watch it alone?"

"Well—"

"Smith!"

The intense and firm yell of Covaliov calling for Paul shakes the walls of the room. Both of my friends jump by the sudden sound of it, but Lilith, she just casually leads her eyes to coach as if it didn't affect her.

"Oh my—" Paul slowly shakes his head as he places his hand on his chest, still affected by the scare.

"Ring, now!"

"It'll never get easier."

Leaving Lilith and Colin behind, Paul heads towards the ring letting me see how Colin covers his ears with the palm of his hands while his eyes are closed in pain.

"I think my thoughts experienced an earth quake."

"Donovan!" That firm voice yells again. Hearing my name, my attention goes towards coach and his determined walk. Not wanting to look like I was standing here like an idiot, I head my way to the desk where Lilith and Colin pay attention to the conversation. "What are you doing here?!"

"Train?" I simply reply.

"Are you kidding me?" His annoyance can be seen from miles and it would still give you chills down your spine. "Please tell me you're kidding me. Tell me you're kidding so I don't have to kill you right now."

"I'm kidding?"

"You supposed to be resting right now! Go home and stay there!"

"Yes, coach."

I can hear a low chuckle coming from Lilith. "I swear if I find out you didn't spend the day in bed I'm gonna go there and tie you to the bed!"

Not waiting for an answer from my part, Covaliov turns around ready to take his torment on poor Paul waiting for him.

Well, I got yelled at anyways. Great.

"You got yelled at, you got yelled at." The sound of Lilith mocking me and singing, enjoying what she just watched it's soon followed by a tiny laugh coming from Colin, in my position half of the times I've been. "Ha, ha, ha. You're stupid, you're stupid."

Once my eyes meet Lilith's and the shine in them, thinking that she just annoyed me and proud of that she did, seeing her act like a little kid excited sends a smile to my face. I realise what I'm doing way too quickly, but I can't prevent it or even erase it as fast as it came, Lilith already saw it.

"Did you just smile at me?" Her eyes wonder around the room, concerned. "Am I in an alternative universe?"

Going back to hating her it's gonna be more difficult than I expected. Did I smile at something she did? I'm down, I'm definitely down bad.

"I'm gonna leave you two alone." Colin suddenly says with a tiny smile on his face more for me to hear once he walks pass me and leaves likes he's expecting something to happen other than normal.

It's not.

Right?

My body goes nervous once again.

C'mon, I fought boxers ten times bigger then me without even my heart racing and here I am, nervous because I'm in front of the girl I like. Get your shit together, Donovan.

"Here, dumbass." Lilith says as soon as she throws my black jacket and my hand quickly catches it before it hits my face. Looking at it confused, my head wonders if me reading her message about keeping it was all in my imagination.

"I thought you were gonna keep it." I stare at her finding a disgusting expression on her face.

"It smells like you and it made me want to throw up."

I can't get my shit together. The moment her strawberry perfume suddenly follows mine, my nose loves it wanting to take a deep breath in. The imagine of Lilith wearing my jacket inside my head sends butterflies to my stomach, allowing for my head to realise how fucked up this is.

I'm not down, I'm on even on the floor, I'm in hell. Deeply lost between the flames of the devil and I can't find my way out.

"Are you high?" The voice of a confused Lilith brings my attention back to her.

"What?"

"You're standing there like an idiot."

I am an idiot. Look at me, acting like a little kid in love with his kindergarten classmate like they just glanced at me.

"Maybe I am an idiot." I finally say, carefully putting on my jacket not wanting to carry it.

But deep down I know, it's just to have her perfume more close to me.

Yeah... we don't need to talk about that.

"Yeah, sure, maybe." A sarcastic Lilith answers my words.

"You noticed it, it takes one to know one." The reply comes automatically out of me, used to us playing like this and teasing each other.

"No, I'm smart, unlike you. I don't need to be an idiot to notice an idiot."

"If it helps you sleep at night."

"Look at you caring if I sleep at night, keep it in your pants, Donovan."

I'm liking this. The idea of us not losing this relationship that we both have excites me and wants to do it again until she's annoyed at me, like she usually is. It gives me a type of safety, I rather her annoyed at me but still in my life, than her knowing how I feel and... watch her walk away.

"Yeah, like you would want that." I say, gaining a roll of her eyes as she leaves the desk and heads towards the hallway.

I follow her, loving this the more the conversation continues.

"Well, I don't want your stinky dick swirling around the room. It's disgusting."

"No, you want my stinky dick only for your eyes, is that it?"

"What was that? Sorry, I couldn't hear you my eyes are closed."

"That doesn't make sense—"

"Yeah, I know," she stops by the washing machines and presses a button I have no clue what it does "you're too stupid to get it."

"There's nothing to get if it doesn't make sense." I smile at her cockily the moment she stares at me.

"It came from my mouth, it always makes sense when it comes from my mouth."

I could think another things that make sense when they come from her mouth. "Yeah—"

It looks like Lilith knows what went through my mind since she immediately lifts her index finger and shushes me. "Not even a word, Donovan."

"You're not shining today," I keep teasing her even if she just walked away "do you want to meet in the bathroom in ten minutes or...?"

"Shut up."

"You didn't say that the other night. What was the thing that you said... you sound pretty good—"

She brusquely turns around almost crashing her body with mine. "You sound pretty good when my knife slits your throat, want to do it again?"

I smile, liking that she's annoyed. "Anything with you, my love."

Rolling her eyes once again, my chest loves it. "You're annoying and I hate you."

And you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I love you— I didn't say that out loud, did I?

"Do I need to buy a leash? You're following me like a little dog."

Her saying that makes me realise that I've been following her every step of the way. So, not wanting to look like an idiot, I say: "I'm not the one who shines different because we slept together."

"One more word about it and I'll slap you."

"Whatever you say, ma'am."

Before Lilith can say anything, I know she does want to slit my throat the second her eyes lay on mine, Covaliov prevents her when he walks closer to us and makes his presence known by clearing his throat.

"Donovan. I need to speak with Avery, alone."

Lilith slowly turning to coach, she furrows her eyebrows confused. "Am I gonna get yelled at?"

Instead of quickly replying to her, he gives me a quick look as a sigh comes out of his mouth. "No."

Something tells me I'm gonna be brought up in this strange conversation.

"Damn it," Lilith says, disappointed "I thought I was gonna get the full coach Covaliov experience."

I can't help but be intrigued on what Covaliov wants to talk to Lilith for. And it's not a simple task that he usually gives her because he wants to do it alone with her, dismissing me from their surroundings. It can't be good.

But, not wanting to alarm Lilith by looking like how I feel, the moment she gives me a look just like coach is, I flip her off.

"Oh, look," she grabs my elbow from the lifted arm "doesn't it look tasty? Eat it." Quicker than I can prevent it, Lilith brusquely pushes my arm upward making me hit my middle finger against my mouth.  She was the fastest I've ever seen her be, which leads me to believe she's done this a thousand of times before. Probably to poor Teddy.

I roll my eyes but I immediately turn around feeling a smile appear on my face. Luckily for me, Lilith is far gone inside the hallway getting lost from my sight to see it.

It isn't a decision my head even has to stop and think about, my feet carefully take me closer to the entrance of the hallway to hear the conversation coach and Lilith are about to have.

My mind tries to find the next words, focusing my ears on their steps getting further and further way. I stay there, still and concentrated, deeply hoping my own name isn't on this conversation.

LILITH.

"Avery." Covaliov brusquely turns around and stops almost crashing my body against his. Luckily his arms were across his chest, enabling me to touch anything unwanted.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?" His questions makes me realise how fast that word came out of my mouth, probably sounding more worried than I intended.

"What? Yes, yes," I try to call myself down "this conversation is taking me a bit off guard, that's all."

"Don't worry, you're not the one in trouble."

"Who's in trouble then?"

Covaliov doesn't reply to me, instead, he takes a deep breath in before carrying on with the conversation. Whatever it's going to be. "I need to ask you something."

"About what?"

"About Lucifer." It looks like coach isn't afraid or even hesitant on letting go of his answers.

I stay still for a second, confused. "What about Lucifer?"

The nerves of him finding out about us sleeping together rushes to me. There's no one that could've possible told him since nobody knows expect Lucifer and I. But, then, another type of nerve rushes to me. Worst. What if coach knows that I'm getting close on finding out about them and Alexander? Not even Lucifer knows about this, just me. I can't put together a conclusion on how he would've found out, but, he's Covaliov, he has ways for everything.

"I've noticed that you two have been talking more often lately." He says, staring at me as if he's gonna be able to know the answer in my own eyes.

"Talking? If you're worried about me killing him and you losing your favourite fighter," I find myself digging me out of the situation my head created "I won't do it, I promise. I have a pretty good imagination and that's good enough for me."

For the first time, coach does hesitates on letting go of his next words. "I'm not worried about that." His tone is calmer than the ones before, telling me that something bigger than wanting to know why we're talking more is going on.

"Then... what?" I ask.

"Is there something going on between you two?" He spits out.

Well, maybe my second thought of him finding out I know more than he wants me to is out of the question. Too bad for me the first thought isn't out of the scene just yet.

"More than wanting to abduct the other and drop them in the middle of the highway, I don't think so." Sounding like normal, Covaliov still doesn't look convinced.

"You don't think so?"

"There could be the chance of wanting to slap the other across the face, but that's just me, I don't know about him."

"Avery."

"I'm being serious."

Rolling his eyes, Covaliov gives me a annoyed look as soon as a deep breathe comes out of him. "And I'm a 6' foot tall model with blonde hair and blue eyes."

"I don't think you need that," I still don't stop with my words "with those features of yours, you can totally pull it off."

"Answer it with a yes or no, Avery."

"No." I finally say like coach was hoping, sounding more convincing than I've ever been in my entire life. Believe me, this sounds better than when I told my mom I was gonna study with some friends while hiding a couple of beer bottles inside my back pack. There's no way coach doesn't buy this.

"I don't believe you."

What?!

"Do I look like an untrustworthy person?"

"I trust you, I just don't believe you."

"Why?"

He doesn't respond. As far as he's seen, I don't talk to Lucifer more than his other fighters. Even worse, Lucifer is the only one I don't treat nicely or joke around in front of Covaliov. So, why is he questioning if Lucifer and I have something going on? I mean, we do, but is purely sexual and nothing else. In a snap of two fingers, we can call it off if we wanted to. Right?

He's doubting it for a reason, something has to be going on for him to ask me this type of things out of the blue. I can't let that happen, no, I could get fired if he finds out more. Who's gonna pay for my books? I can't sell my feet online! I don't think I could deal with the disappointment of no one wanting to look at my feet.

I need to make sure he's not suspecting anything. "Look, coach, I don't know where this is coming from but there nothing going on between Lucifer and I." Even if my convincing voice is on, he still doesn't look like he's buying it. So, I keep going, letting my words go even more determined. "And nothing is gonna happen, not today, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, not even in a million of years and how technology is going I think there's a slight change of them inventing immortality. We don't even like each other now, what makes you think the opposite?"

"I just wanted to make sure, since," he suddenly stops, hesitant "you know, you have a rule to follow."

"I would never get with Lucifer. We can't even finish a conversation without at least throwing an insult to the other."

"Is that how you feel?"

"Yeah. And, unless Lucifer's been possessed by the love demon, I'm pretty sure he feels that way too."

Slowly nodding and looking like the conversation is about to be over, coach finally lets a long and relaxing breath out. "Let's keep it that way."

Yeah, I intend to.

"Is that all, coach?"

"Go make sure he left, Avery." Pointing with his head towards the door, Covaliov leaves my side heading his way to the bathroom. "He's stubborn as you are, I don't want to find him training. There's no energy left inside of me to kill him today."

He can count on me, I have the energy to kill him any hour of the day.

But, I don't say that, I simply nod. "I'll do that."

Even if I have no clue whatever the hell that was, my body turns around ready to continue with my day and do what Covaliov told me; make sure Lucifer has gone home. There's nothing that I want more than annoying Lucifer not be here anymore, still, there's a part of me that wishes the opposite. Asking him if he has a clue why coach decided to have that conversation with me and ask those types of questions, it does wake up my intrigue and there's no thought that comes to me on why. Maybe he just did, no reason, but, we're talking about Covaliov here, there's always a reason.

Pushing the door to walk inside the main room, the sound of bags being punched and guys moving around while training hits my ears, followed by the smell of sweaty bodies that at this point it doesn't even bother me anymore. Wondering around, waiting to see which part of me is going to be satisfied, my eyes look for Lucifer. And it looks like the side that's carried by intrigue wins, Lucifer just opening the door to leave the place appears in front of me and it's soon lost by the door closing and him disappearing from my sight.

I don't wait to think about if I should ask him or not, my feet have decided to take my body outside of the gym and hope to catch him before he takes off.

"Lucifer!" I yell the moment the door's open and my eyes can see the outside.

For my luck, I quickly locate that wide back and messy hairs moving as fast as it can away from the place I'm in. My feet follow it, not caring about anything else.

"Hey, Lucifer!" I try calling his name once again for him to turn around and notice my presence behind him, following his quick walk. But he doesn't, not even a little look to where the loud scream came from. Is he not hearing me? "Lucifer!" I try yelling again. Just like before, his feet don't even stop. "Hello?!" Finally, arriving by Lucifer's side my hand touches his arm ready to stop him and start the conversation I've been following him for.

"Yes! I'm hearing you!" My strength isn't enough to prevent him from walking.

"Jesus," I ignore his desire to keep on walking by doing it by his side "I thought you went deaf or something."

"Go back to work, Lilith." Lucifer's eyes don't meet mine and his tone seems tired, likes he's holding back something and it's hurting him by doing so.

"Are you mad at me or something?" I can't help but ask because, well, it seems like it.

"No." He simply replies.

"You look pissed."

"Well maybe I am!" Brusquely stopping and finally facing me, the mix of frustration and pain in his eyes enables me to look away even if my mind is questioning what has him like this.

"You may want to lower your voice down otherwise everything from inside you is gonna jump out making it look like a horror movie from the 90's." I try to defuse the tension by joking, but Lucifer doesn't reply to me or even gives me an expression of annoyance, he just turns around and keeps up with his prior walk. "Hey!" I follow him.

"I don't want to argue."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I've recently found out, a lot of things."

"Care to explain why are you being an asshole to me right now?"

A fake chuckle escapes his mouth with a side smile, probably fake as well, forms on his face. "You didn't question it before."

"Yes, but that was normal you, teasing me to annoy me, this isn't normal you."

"What is normal me, huh?!" He stops again. "The guy who doesn't give a shit about you and hates you. Is that it?! According to the rules of "hating someone", you get to be an asshole to them because, well, you don't fucking like them!"

"Alright, now we reached the point of you looking you like you need an exorcism."

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer isn't holding back on his eyes what's been bothering him inside. "Here we go again, the Lilith that can't handle when shit get real and jokes her way out the situation!"

"How has this conversation turned real?! I don't even know what's happening!"

Lucifer shuts his mouth, realising the conversation we're having. Hesitant on what he should say next, my eyes see how a long and frustrated sigh comes out of his soon followed by him regaining with his walk. "Forget about it."

"Forget about it?" I follow him. "Are you gonna do the same thing you did to me last night?! Treat me like garbage but then come back to me because you feel sorry?! Hey, have some fucking cereal?!"

"Why do you care that I do that, huh?! We're nothing, apparently! And we never will!"

"That's—" I go quiet since what he just said sounds familiar. Before I can put a thought into, I realise that Lucifer is getting further and further away, escaping the conversation. "Lucifer, wait up! Why do you say that I'm the one who runs away when you're the one that's doing it!"

Lucifer sits down on his motorcycle and starts it with a quick click. "I can't handle this right now."

"What can't you handle?!"

"You! This! Everything!"

"What is everything?" Immediately, the imagine of him appearing all beaten up on my door comes back to my head. "Did something happen with Alexander again?" I ask, fearing the possible answer.

"No, Lilith," Lucifer refuses to look at me, he slowly shakes his head with his tone weaker than before "just stop. Stop."

"Lucifer—" I can't say anymore else to him, the sound of his motorcycle hitting my ears and him getting disappearing from my sight faster than he walked enables me. "Lucifer!"

There's no point. He's not coming back.

"Shit!"

Covaliov asking me if we have something going on and then this. What the hell is happening?

Feeling my phone vibrating on my pocket, I quickly pull it out to read "Ada" on my phone screen. She's calling me in the middle of he afternoon? She's supposed to be at class right now.

Oh, no.

This day can't get worse.

Worried, I press the answer button. "Ada?"

"Lilith, I need you to sit down." I hear her tone. It isn't devastating or with a hint of her crying beforehand.

Well, that's something.

"What? What happened?"

"I— how do I say this?"

"Just say it, Ada."

"Our dorm, well... it's technically a fucking pool right now."

Well, it is going to get worse. Fuck.

...

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