"please understand that i'm trying my hardest. my head's a mess but i'm trying regardless"

chase atlantic — "consume"

Slamming my books on the table where Ada is at, my surroundings of the outside patio from the school building becomes the last thing my eyes want to see right now.

"I give up." Once I gain Ada's attention, I sit in front of her.

"You said that last year."

The light from the day is even annoying me, so, I close my eyes and let my elbows rest on the table for my hands to hold my heavy head. "This time I mean it."

Ada moving her backpack and taking something out of it soon follows my words. The sound of a bag being laid down on the table close to me gains my attention. "Shut up and eat your cereal."

As soon as my ears hear the word cereal, my eyes don't wait a second and go wide open to see the bag of my favourite snack. "Oh!" I immediately grab it to open it. Ada always carries a bag a cereal for me every final season because she knows I can't hold myself and eat my bag that I packed first thing in the morning.

In fact, if you check my backpack my fuck you bag is all, unfortunately, empty. Psychology class got the best of me.

"Are you gonna go back to your house this weekend?" Ada asks me without taking her eyes away from her notes. She's stronger than me because I didn't even open my books to read.

"I do every weekend before finals," I reply after grabbing a hand full of cereal "a tradition I can't break."

When Ada, for a moment, lets go of her notes and looks at me with a big excited smile, my mind knows what she's about to ask. "Chickens?"

I nod, feeling the excitement grow inside my chest. "Chickens."

Every year the Town of Forwell holds an event that we call "Chickens". It's a ancient tradition where a group of people dress as said animal and run around playing with kids while there's a bunch of other games. Like throw the ball, paint war, tiny basketball. It's all for charity and one of my favourite events that the town has, mainly because mom is the one that dresses as a chicken and it's the most hilarious thing that my memory holds. How Teddy and I make sure she plays with the most kids, since, to make it more fun, the chicken that holds the most stars (the kids give a star to their favourite chicken) wins an award. Why chickens, you may ask. Well, when it was created there was a discount on chicken costumes and... yep, that's is.

I never miss the Chicken event and it also helps me on easing my stress about finals. But, going back to reality as I stare at my books in front of me, waiting to be read, a long sigh escapes my mouth since the stress runs wild inside my body until this weekend. "Would it be acceptable if I throw myself out the window?" I ask closing my eyes hating the fact that there's no escaping this.

Ada doesn't hesitate. "Can I keep your red dress?"

"Sure."

"Then, yes."

Quick steps coming from our right gains my attention when a frustrated boy walks towards the closest building and holds (strongly, may I add, almost breaking) papers between his hands. His eyes go from left to right, normal on final season, but when he punches himself with the papers repeatedly on the face, and says "stupid, stupid, stupid" I do have to take a moment to process what he just did as he disappears inside the building.

"Did you see that..?" Ada asks me, surprised on what we just saw.

"No, in final season the answer is always no and keep your head down you don't know what people are capable of when they're stressed."

I push her head down as I do mine, when another loud noise of a book being laid down on a table behind Ada comes our way. "I need to get laid." A strange girl says.

My head brusquely swings upwards. "My head is up."

Ada slaps me on the arm, but I know she's hiding a smile in. "Don't be rude."

"It's not being rude, it's appreciating a good gossip."

Looking towards the table behind Ada, I find two girls sitting down. The own that laid the book is on the right corner while the other one faces us with her back.

"What happened?" The girl who I can't see her face says, let's call her girl number one.

"Finals are gonna kill me," then, girl number two says "and if I go down, at least I need to have one good last night of my life. Someone to go down on me."

I lift my eyebrows when I look at Ada, who's also listening to the girls. "Do you still have Warren's number? Text him." Girl number one says. 

"Should I give her Colin's number?" My question gains my arm another slap from Ada, who tries her hardest to not let out a laugh.

"Shhhh!"

"I need someone better." Girl number two looks around, hoping to find someone that could give her that fun night she's asking for.

"Someone better than Warren?" Her friend asks, like it's impossible.

"I want someone that's rough but gentle at the same time. Who would treat me good and make sure I finish too, maybe even multiple times! Even if it's only a one night stand, give me the intimacy a boyfriend could give me."

"Girl, you're crazy. Text Warren and get him."

"Yes, Warren was good and all, but—"

"Last semester you said he was the best  sex you've ever had," girl number one stops girl number two... it was better if I gave them fake names, wasn't it? "why not him?"

"Warren seems nice." Ada whispers to me.

I nod. "Yeah, I kinda want to meet him now."

"I need someone who I know is gonna make me feel amazing." Girl number two looks down to her book and stares at it. But there's no doubt she isn't reading anything that there's on those pages.

"All of that only God can give you," her friend gains her attention "do you know God personally?"

"God..." Suddenly, like something shifted in her and a thought broke through inside her head, her eyes gain a a shine as a cheeky side smile grows in her lips. "oh, no, I know the opposite of that."

"Who?"

"A god." She looks down to find something. The intrigue on who's she talking about grows in me. And for the way that Ada grabs my arm and wides her eyes in a quick motion, tells me she's dying to know too. "Lucifer Donovan."

My own saliva gets caught in my throat when I hear his name. Ada's grip becomes tighter as well as my chest, somehow hating the sound of Lucifer's name coming out of that girl's mouth and the cheekiest of smiles growing on her face because she wants to fuck him.

"The Lucifer Donovan?" Girl number one asks, surprised. "Yes, he can give you all of that but how are you gonna get his number?"

"Last year a friend of mine hooked up with him and described him as a god. Gave me his number but I never called him."

He's better than a god, I can tell you that. Those words scream to come out of my mouth as my ears hate what they're hearing. Jealousy isn't something that I'm used to feeling, and don't ask me how I know this is what's troubling my chest, but it turns wild inside of it giving me the urge to grab that girl's phone and put it away on my own pocket to prevent her from talking to Lucifer.

"Well, are you?" Girl number one asks, eagerly.

"Yes! But what do I say?"

Oh, nothing? Ada's grip becomes strongly around my arm while she tries to hold on a laugh. I do too, biting my lower lip.

"Don't kill her." I hear Ada say in a whisper.

"I'm not."

"Tell that to your face."

"That's just my everyday day face..."

"Looking like you're about to fight?"

I chuckle.

"Tell him that it's just a hook up, dudes love that."

When the girl takes her phone to her ear, my body has to fight the urge to go there and end the call right now. My ears are killing themselves just as the wait to hear her talk on the phone becomes longer than expected. "It's occupied." She says, looking at her screen disappointed.

My own phone vibrates on my back pocket. Oh, it can't be.

Grabbing it, I have to fight a laugh from jumping out of my own body as a wave of relief travels through my chest.

Lucifer. His name is on my phone screen, big and shiny, waiting for me to answer his phone call.

"Who is it?" I hear Ada ask.

Pressing the green bottom, I take the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"You look absolutely gorgeous, Avery." I hear his raspy voice on the other side.

I look at Ada, letting a smile finally show on my lips. "Where are you, Lucifer?" His name comes out of my mouth slowly, and Ada doesn't care on showing her surprise, she opens her mouth wide and immediately looks back to the girl behind her, still hoping that Lucifer's line gets free.

"I don't need to see you to know that you look amazing. But, on your left." Turning to where he said, my attention finds him immediately when he's standing by the building and resting his shoulder on the frame of the door. He does a single nod to me with a smirk on his lips once we lock eyes. "Hi, love." Lucifer's skin shines with the sun hitting it, his cocky smirk makes him look even more attractive just like his clothes and stand showers him with confidence. "Is it gonna take me a lot to convince you to leave those notes this afternoon and eat something with me?"

I'm about to reply, when the sound of the girls moving gains my attention. "Wait, oh my god," the girl number one says "talking about the devil..."

Ada's laugh wins and escapes her, but it's soon covered by her palm covering her mouth.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yep."

"Is Ada alright?"

"Nope."

I go back to the girl and can't help but think that she is in fact pretty, wavy hair that looks like she didn't even took the time to brush it this morning, naturally pretty, eyelashes that could caress me even if we're far, and bright eyes that could enchant a man if she wanted to.

Lucifer has great taste, I mean, of course, look at me. He would totally go for her. And, to be honest, I would too.

"Can I go there with you guys? I need to talk to you."

"Tell him to come here!" Ada whispers as she slaps my arm repeatedly.

Believe me, Ada, I would love to brag about Lucifer calling me instead of answering her call, kissing him in front of them, but it doesn't feel right to just do it.

"I need to hear your wonderful voice up close."

Ignoring the fact that Lucifer always knows what to say to have me giggling like a teenager, when I caught the two girls staring at him like a piece of meat the jealous becomes stronger (and bitchier) inside my chest.

"He's so fucking hot." Girl number two says, dreamingly.

"I wonder who's he talking to."

"Should I go over there and talk to him?"

The cockiness in her eyes makes the bitch in me to jump out and say:
"Yes, get your beautiful ass here, Donovan."

Giving me a smirk, he ends the call and walks over to us. My heart races for a bit, when the girls notice him walking closer as well.

"He's walking here..." Girl number one slaps girl number two on the arm.

"Oh, shit— where is he going?"

To me.

Once Lucifer arrives by our table, my attention shifts to him and his tall presence by our side. "Can I sit with you two beautiful ladies?"

"If you want me to punch you in the face," I say with a smile "then, go ahead."

Without waiting a second, he sits by my side soon followed by a laugh coming from Ada. "It'll be an honour, love."

Asshole.

And by asshole, it means how the hell does he always find the right words to reply.

A part of me fights the urge to look over to the girls. No words can be heard our way anymore, maybe because they lowered their voices, I don't know. What I do know, is that Ada doesn't hide the excited feeling inside of her, her smile is bigger than the Eiffel Tower.

"Tonight coach invited me to dinner with his family. Wanna go with me?"

It takes me a bit to process what Lucifer just asked me. Erasing the fact that it could be weird to have dinner on my ex boss' house, my head worries more about the fact that Lucifer invited to go with him to a dinner he has. With him. With him. Mark that with a highlighter thousand of times. "Me?" I hear myself ask.

Lucifer simply nods.

Alright. Maybe this is me being over thinking everything (it absolutely is), what could us going together mean? Together together? Or just friends?

Ignoring my brain, I nod too, believing this could be a good idea even if it could also bring a complete mess of a head for me. "Sure."

Ada's elbows laying on the table as her hands hold her chin, the sweet smile that she gave us allows me to catch her next words before she can let them out. "Don't." I point at her.

She opens her mouth, defensively "I didn't say anything!"

"I know you, Ada, and you were about to be corny."

My best friend rolls her eyes before going back to her notes. "You suck."

"Hey," Lucifer says "that's our game."

Lucifer manages to grow a pair of butterflies running around wild inside my stomach as he says those words and sends a wink my way, but it's immediately cut short when Ada gets up from the table and grabs her books.

"Gotta go to class, see you guys later?" I nod, giving her a smile. "Kiss a lot!"

"I promise!" Lucifer yells back once Ada turns around and leaves us two alone. Since she walks pass the table where girl number on and two are sitting, the way that number two has her head resting on the table and number one holds a laugh in, waves a tiny feeling of relief to me since her plan of fucking the guy next to me is out the window.

"Is that girl alright?" Lucifer asks with a concern tone in his voice.

I shake my head, letting out a sigh. "She wanted to fuck you."

Brusquely, like I just said the most confused thing ever, Lucifer faces me when a chuckle escapes him. "What?"

"She said that her friend hooked up with you last year and because she called you a god, she wanted to have a little bit of the Lucifer Donovan one night stand experience." I lift my hands in front of my face, dramatically promoting my words. "Only for tonight, 20% discount! Don't waste your chance!"

Lucifer, tilting his head to the side, tries to read my expression. "I can't tell if you're mad or not."

"Did I wanted to grab that girl's phone and erase your number, sure. Did I wanted to kiss you right in front of her, sure. But was I mad? No, just a little—"

"Jealous?" Lucifer arches an eyebrow. Soon, the cockiest and proudest of smiles grows on his face, liking that my words don't deny it. "You were. You were jealous, huh. I got the famous Lilith Avery feeling jealous because she wants my ass," I chuckle "who would've thought? I need a medal, or something. A big trophy, what do you think?"

This is the time that my words would normally tell him to fuck off and roll my eyes at him, but something comes as an idea. Glancing my eyes at a group of guys talking among themselves behind Lucifer, the opportunity strikes me and there's no hesitation within me to take it. "See that guy over there," I point towards him "with the blue shirt?" Lucifer looks back giving those guys a slow stare, almost as if he knows what's coming "I hooked up with him last year and my phone still has his number under the name "guy from the bar"." Lucifer immediately looks back at me with a clenched jawline and a smirk that tries to hide the jealousy running brightly in his eyes. "See his friend, with the black hoodie? He's the "guy from the bar's bestie", want me to continue?" Squinting his eyes to think of an answer, I bring my lips closer to his, locking our eyes deeper. "Wanna play games, Donovan?"

"Wanna keep talking, Avery?" He shakes his head, teasingly. "I'll be on my knees if you keep it up." His words make me move away just a bit from his face just as a smile escapes my lips abruptly and the butterflies dance the macarena inside my stomach. Lucifer doesn't let that pass unnoticed. "Want me to move away? Are we still pretending that we hate each other in front of everyone? Because you can't help but smile when I talk."

I lean back closer to him, smiling. "Thinking of ways to murder you make me smile."

"Funny," Lucifer chuckles arching an eyebrow "because thinking of ways to make you scream my name also make me smile."

Uh, fuck. He makes me smile again. My urge to erase it and my heart are beating each other up like two boys after school, swinging left and right pretending like they know how to fight, without landing a punch in the process too, while my brain is the girl that yells "stop, look at me, this isn't you!" to one of the guys.

Lucifer is the one looking from the crowd, smiling proudly and with an cheeky spark because he knows he's the one that caused all this mess.

"See you tonight for dinner, love?" He asks me, slowly and marking the word "love" with a lower tone, knowing that it makes me melt when he does.

I nod. "See you tonight, pretty boy."

He smirks at my last words.

Maybe he knows how to make me melt, but two can play the fucking game.

[...]

What the actual fuck. It's the first thing that crosses my mind when my eyes lay on Covaliov's house.

After I step out from Lucifer's motorcycle, my body stands there enable to process what my eyes are seeing.

Maybe from my reaction, you're waiting for me to describe a mansion, a triple patio, bigger than my grandparents' house, but no. Coach's house is nothing like that. The complete opposite.

The house that I have in front of me looks like the type of house an English teacher would live in. Those sweet teachers that always bring flowers to class and helps you with extreme patience even if you're dumber than the mosquito flying around the room. It has yellow and pink flowers all over the front yard, with light brown walls made of wood and a bright white door with a sign handing on the side of it with the words "The Covaliov Family" and... a smiley face right under it. A smiley face. My eyes keep looking at it as my brain asks if we've entered an alternative universe and coach isn't coach.

I look at Lucifer, who's already looking my way with a relaxed smile on his lips. "Are we in the right house?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I was expecting... anything but this."

Walking towards me, he places his right shoulder behind my left one, touching our skins together as we both stare back at the house. "Colleen is the one that takes care of the house, but coach do loves his flowers."

Not knowing who Colleen is, gains my attention more than Covaliov liking gardening. "Colleen?"

"Coach's wife, and definitely the boss in the house. He seems tough, and he is, but inside that house he does whatever Colleen says."

I smile proudly of a woman I don't even know yet for having a man like Covaliov on the palm of her hand. "I wanna meet her, now."

Lucifer places his hand behind my lower back to lead my way closer to the door. "You'll meet her, and Hope. Their daughter. She's thirteen but better than me at any sport."

My head can't help but smile again. "I wanna give her a high five." Lucifer chuckles. "Even boxing?"

"She can kick my ass." It's difficult for me to catch if his words are sarcasm or not, his slow nod and eyes staring at the house don't help me much.

My attention shifts back to the house in front of us too.

Still, my brain has trouble imagining coach inside of it. The man that stands his ground with every boxer he has and makes sure everyone knows he's the boss, lives in a house with flowers all over the front yard and besides the door, a colourful mail box and a strawberry curtains on the other side of the windows. It's not like I spent time imagining where my boss lives, but, if I did, a big house with windows all over the walls and a modern look would be my first thought.

Every person can be full of surprises, that's for sure.

My feet take a step closer to the house when my ears hear a clicking noise, like someone just took a picture. Inevitably, my attention shifts from the house to Lucifer by my side, who has his phone in front of his face. "Did you just take a picture of me?"

"No..." Lucifer brings down his phone trying to hide the smile on his lips, but fails miserably when his eyes stare at the picture he surely took a second ago.

"You did, let me see." He swings his hand away when I immediately try to grab it.

"No, it's mine now."

"So you did take a picture! Let me see it!"

Again, he shakes his head with an even bigger smile now. "No." He walks away from my body and steps back, going back to his phone as his fingers do something in it.

"Why not?" I ask, with intrigue.

Lucifer simply shrugs his shoulders, innocently. "You'll see it later."

Rolling my eyes, I turn to the door. "You suck."

My body stops when Lucifer grabs my arm, and pulls me to him. "Tell me how much I suck, Avery." He teases now that his phone is on his back pocket and his hands are free, able to caress the skin in my waist under my shirt. "C'mon, I want to hear it come out of your mouth..."

"You suck." I smile at him, liking that he's eyes swing down to my lips.

Slowing shaking his head with that cocky smirk, his left hand caresses my cheek softly before uniting our lips together in a soft kiss. Warm and gentle, his mouth feels satisfactory agains mine, like a comfortable bed that you've expected to rest in all day long. Yet, that tingling feeling like it's the first time we kiss, shines through in my chest making me want to kiss him until my lungs beg for air.

Soon, Lucifer breaks the kiss to join our foreheads together. "Have I said that you look wonderful tonight?" His tone sounds soft in my ears.

I nod. "Yes, you drooling all over when you picked me up it was a way of you telling me how great I look. If I placed a bucket under your mouth we could've made an entire pool. Hey kids, come play here!"

Chuckling at my stupid joke, Lucifer doesn't waste another second and joins our lips once again. This time, the kiss becomes deeper and faster two seconds in. My mouth opens just a smidge to let the tip of his tongue caress mine in a controlled motion. The hotness in my cheeks becomes suddenly strong and noticeable for me, allowing my heart to jump at the realisation of me wanting Lucifer's body even more.

His strong hands grip my waist, touching the skin under my shirt like he wants to rip it out in this moment. But we can't. As much as I want him, and he wants me, coach could come out of that door and it's sure not the nicest first impression to give to his family.

I break the kiss, even if my lips beg me not to. "Lucifer..."

"Love," he breaths out "I want to kiss you, Avery."

Lucifer flies down to my neck and presses his lips on my skin, leaving kisses all over it. "Here?" I manage to ask him.

"Yes, here." His needy tone makes me melt.

I try my hardest to grab his face, while ignoring my desire for him. "No... you still can't—"

"Let's break the rule." His breath brushes against my skin once he goes back to my face. "I can't wait any longer. I fucking want you."

"Soon..."

That "soon" better come soon, because neither of us will be able to keep it together.

Lucifer tilts his head back letting me see his sharp jawline and teeth biting his lower lip, hiding the needy smirk on the corner of his lips. "We better knock on the door" he goes back to me, shine in his green eyes "because if we keep doing this, I'll pick you up and sit you down on the motorcycle."

"To drive us home?" I tease.

"No," his stare, somehow, becomes dark "to open your legs for me, Avery."

"Lucifer!" I'm not able to react to Lucifer's words correctly when a girl's voice and quick steps prevents me from doing so. I'm glad, otherwise me keeping my decision on not having sex would be as straight as a circle.

Lucifer steps away from me and stares to the door. I do the same, finding a girl looking at us with a disgusting jokingly expression. There's no doubt that she's Hope Covaliov, her firm stare is exactly the same as James'. But that's the only thing it reminds me of him coming from her physical appearance, her features are a mix of Asian with black straight hair and a sharp chin. Her button nose and puffy cheeks shine under the light of the patio and the moonlight, making her skin look as soft as a silk dress. The way that me at thirteen would wish endlessly for that perfect skin.

She's gonna turn into a gorgeous woman with a fantastic style. Her outfit is a mix of a bunch of stuff, with a backwards grey cap on, a black tang top that goes perfectly with her black combat boots, and a loose pink skirt with red flowers plastered all over it,  it moves with the wind as she walks over to us. It's like she's ready to fight you, have a fancy dinner, and then play a sport all at once.

Hope gives us a both a look, confused, like a thirteen year old would look at a old phone. "Ew, were you two kissing?"

"No..." Lucifer rolls his eyes with a smile, knowing what's coming. While I, stand there waiting.

"Mom, dad!" Hope yells. "Lucifer and his girlfriend were kissing!"

It took just the word "girlfriend" for my stomach to turn in a quick motion.

"That's what couples do, baby!" A woman's voice comes from inside the house, probably Colleen's.

"But boys are disgusting, she's gonna get infected!"

I chuckle. That's definitely something my thirteen year old self said to my mother.

"They're grownups, Hope," Colleen says, serious "boys aren't disgusting anymore."

"I don't agree with that!"

"Yeah, me neither," I add to the conversation, gaining Hope's attention "boys will always be disgusting."

She immediately grows a slow smile as she turns to Lucifer and points at me with her head. "I like her already. You're disgusting.."

Lucifer furrows his eyebrows. "I'm right here."

It's like these two have some sort of game going on, where their jokingly banter between them is pretty common.

"Waiting for me to kick your ass in football?" Hope crosses her arms around her chest, marking her stand.

"Wanting to play with me when I'm injured, what happened? Losing games lately?"

"You wish!"

I can't help but like their innocent banter. Lucifer sure knows how to be the big brother, and Hope doesn't seem to mind that, maybe because she's an only child and Lucifer is like a brother to her. Reminds me of Teddy and I.

"Hope!" Colleen's voice sounds again from inside the house.

"Yeah?!"

"Invite them in!"

When Hope turns to face us, it doesn't look like she's about to let us in. Her hand brusquely swings towards my stomach for me to shake it, a big smile is on her lips, like an innocent kid who's about to get away with something. "I'm Hope!"

I take her hand, feeling her contagious smile transform my lips into one. "Lilith, nice to meet you—"

"Mom!" Hope yells again, without letting go of my hand. "Lilith is pretty! What is she doing with Lucifer?!" I can't help but chuckle. Her words seem innocent but not at the same time, don't know how she manages that. Teddy and her would have the perfect (yet most troublemaking) friendship.

"Hope," a tall woman walks outside and stands by the door "we don't know if they're together..." It's the same voice from before. Colleen. Her beautiful name matches her face perfectly, and it's clear where Hope got her Asian features. Colleen has the sweetest smile I've ever seen, pinkish cheeks and a black hair tied down in a bun, she walks towards us with quick steps as she stares at her troublemaker of a daughter. She tries to give her a firm look, but a tiny smile can be seen on the corner of her lips.

As soon as she arrives in front of us, by her daughter's side, a sweet flowered cologne rushes to my nose, matching Colleen's presence, looking the type of mother who would give the perfect motherly hugs and make you a cup of tea whenever you feel sick.

Hope slapping the side of Lucifer's arm shifts my attention from her mother to her. "What are you waiting for, dumbass? You're lucky she even looks at you."

He is. My ego speaks, while my heart melts at the sight of Lucifer's smile becoming sweet just as his dark stare is mesmerised by mine. "I am, aren't I?" His hand touches my lower back, doing circles with his middle finger on my shirt. But a part of me knows, he'd rather touch my skin instead of the fabric.

"Hi, Lucifer." Colleen receives Lucifer in a warm hug. "You look well."

"Feeling well."

Colleen soon gives me a apologetic smile. "Let's get inside before Hope corners you two again."

Hope doesn't seem to be affected by her mom's words, probably knowing that it's not serious at all, instead, she taps Lucifer's shoulder and begins a quick run towards the instead of the house before I can even process what she just did. "Beat you!"

Damn, she is fast. I'm gonna start believing she can beat Lucifer at any sport.

Colleen shakes her head as she smiles where Hope just disappeared. "Don't know where that girl gets her energy from." Grabbing my arm, gently, Colleen stares at me as we make our way through the door. "I hope you like pasta, James is doing his famous salsa and has been cooking all afternoon."

"I love pasta."

Lucifer touches his shoulder with mine. "Is he wearing his apron?" He asks Colleen, who replies with a single nod and cheeky smile.

"Go."

Before I can even look around the house, (probably as surprising and beautiful as the outside), Lucifer, with his hand still on my lower back, leads us both to the left side of the house. We walk through a light blue couch, a coffee table made of glass, and a big plant that I'm sure my grandmother would die to have on her garden, to a corner of the room. It's an open door with counters on the other side, letting me know it's the kitchen.

The smell of fresh pasta makes my stomach beg for it, as well as the hotness of the food being cooked refreshes my cold skin.

"Never gonna give you up..." a familiar song comes our way as soon as Lucifer stops by the door. We can't be seen from the inside of the kitchen since the door is in a tight corner, but from where we're standing, we can see everything. And hear everything.

Like coach singing while he cooks.

"You'll love this." Lucifer whispers to me as he points with his head to the kitchen. I pop my head a bit inside for my eyes to have a clear sight of what's Lucifer talking about, and... no, there's no way what they're seeing is real.

The James Covaliov, the tough trainer who shakes the walls with his screams, has the firmest of stares and is not a problem for him to be strict, is cooking with an apron with Winnie the Poo's face in it. "Oh my..."

Hope appears by my side, looking at her dad and trying to hold a laugh in. "I have a hundred pictures of him with his apron I can make an album."

"I need to see those, please." I turn to look at Lucifer. "Have any of the guys seen this?"

"No, I'm the only privileged one. Colin would probably never let this slide."

Oh, never. Would probably be his last words: "I saw coach's apron with Winnie the Poo and it's my biggest accomplishment."

Colleen gives James a sweet smile before walking pass us and getting inside the kitchen. Giving her husband a kiss on the cheek while he mixes the salsa inside the pan, she takes a wine glass as well. "Lucifer and Lilith are here." I hear her say.

Like a quick reflex, James takes off his Winnie the Poo apron and leaves the food behind to greet us. Lucifer grabs my arm and gently pulls me back, to erase the fact we were staring at him. Lucky he did, otherwise my shocked brain would've totally throw me under the bus.

As soon as James walks out from the kitchen and lays his eyes on Lucifer and I, Hope disappears inside the kitchen.

"Hi! How are you?" Even if my mind can't truly let go of the image of coach wearing his apron, the sweet smile that he gives us and Lucifer's hand moving from my arm to my lower back pushes me down to reality.

"Better." Lucifer replies, bringing his body closer to mine. 

James notices it, and gives our close bodies a quick look. "I can see that." Yet, he doesn't say anything else regarding Lucifer and I. "Have you met Hope?"

"Yes!" Hope replies in a yell from the kitchen before I can.

"I'm glad you're here, the two of you." His eyes somehow brush away the firm in them and turn into a gently stare, like a mother looking in sweetness. Right in that second, in my eyes, he isn't Covaliov anymore, my boss and strict coach that worried me about the walls breaking above us, he is a father who wouldn't hesitate on hugging me if I needed it, a friend.

I slowly shake my head. "And I can't believe you cook."

"I love to cook," James replies "once you have my pasta, you'll never like any other one."

Lucifer chuckles. "He's right. But don't tell my mother."

When Colleen and Hope return to the living room, the daughter stands by my side with a picture between her hands as she seems to be eating something.

"Hope stole a noodle." Colleen snitches on her.

"I did not!" Hope defends herself before James gets to say anything. But soon enough doesn't seem to care about it anymore, she hands me the picture. "Here, look at this."

"Not the picture again!"

If I thought James with a Winnie the Poo apron was weird enough, I was being stupid. With probably thirteen years old, James stands in the picture with a big lion hair, curls messier than mine, a giant smile with crocked teeth, and overalls that could fit three more James inside of it.

I try to hold the laugh that fights to come out, but not even my teeth biting my lower lip prevents it. "Love the overalls, boss! This hair style was the move, for sure."

Lucifer chuckles but he doesn't ask to stare at the picture, maybe because he has seen it before. A normal welcome in the Covaliov's house. "Are you gonna show that picture to every person that comes in this house, baby?" James asks Hope turning my thought true.

Hope simply shrugs her shoulders, innocently. "Why not? It's iconic."

When the  sound of a car comes from the driveway, Colleen walks towards the door like she knows who's coming. "Adam and Emily are here!"

"Uh!" Hope claps, excitedly, and takes the picture from my hand as I hand it to her for the new guests to see it.

"I'll go back to my pasta." James says before leaving the living room.

"And I'll make sure Hope doesn't corner our guests again." Colleen walks out the door after Hope runs away out the house, leaving Lucifer and I alone.

Once again, I want to take my time to look around at my surroundings, when Lucifer's hand pushes my body to the right side of the house. "Follow me."

"Where?"

He doesn't reply. Walking pass a room that looks like a private home office, the wind from the outside brushes my body a soon as Lucifer opens the door from the other side of where we walked in.

The outside of the house was a full surprise for me, but the patio, doesn't even compare to it.

"Colleen is a patio decorator." Lucifer's words soon fade away as my eyes want to process every little thing that this patio holds.

The first thing that grabs my attention is the hundreds of lights  hanging from the tall, almost covering my height, fence. They go from corner to corner making it look like a ceiling of lights. Flowers going from the colours to light blue, pink, yellow, purple, to a hundred more are plastered all over the patio. Where we're standing, a lovely dark brown floor out of wood lays under our bodies. It's not all around the patio, just a couple of more steps and a tiny stairs lead you to the grass, where in the middle of it, a table with chairs and silverware waits for us to have dinner in it. By the left corner, an outside bench that matches the table is around a coffee one, with a flower vase with roses inside of it. On the right, a tiny fountain with a fish that throws water is all the noise that surrounds us.

"She's..." I find myself saying, but there's no correct way to complete the sentence. Amazing doesn't cover it.

Lucifer chuckling steals my attention to him, finding his body on a corner as he stares at me with a little smile. "When they invited me here for the first time I stood there looking at this for like five minutes." He goes closer to me, to the place where he can hold my waist as he stands on the grass and I stand on the floor. "But I didn't look as pretty as you, love."

I roll my eyes. "You're so corny."

"I like giving you compliments."

"Doesn't it feel weird?" I confess, since sometimes me and him liking each other doesn't fully wrap around my head.

"Not anymore." He whispers.

"We used to insult each other, like, hard."

"Things change," his thumbs caresses my skin "and I'm glad they did."

He kissed me without hesitating. Warm and soft lips, they join together in a slow kiss just for us to feel the other against our skin.

I'm glad they did too.

"They're at it again, mom!" Hope's voice sounds behind us, making Lucifer and I to break the kiss.

"Hope, let them be!" Colleen replies from the inside of the house.

"I'm gonna start kissing boys," Hope's voice slowly fades away as if she's walking back "let's see if you say the same thing!"

"Let's go back." Lucifer holds my hand, and it immediately causes for my heart to turn. "I'm pretty sure Hope is gonna, somehow, turn me kissing you against me to win."

[...]

Have to be honest, it was the best pasta I've ever tasted. James does know how to cook. But Lucifer was right also, do not tell my mother.

The conversation while we were all eating was fluid too, a part of me worried it wasn't gonna be once we sat down on the table, but between Colleen sweet words, James trying to stop Hope from showing any more embarrassing photos of him, and Adam with Emily telling stories of them in Ireland, it all became nothing but a friend group having a lovely dinner.

"Getting ready for me to kick you in the ass?" Hope says as she turns to face Lucifer by her side.

Lucifer slowly shakes his head before placing his hand on my thigh... "It is gonna be a sad, sad night for you." My eyes locate on it as if it's gonna help my brain on precessing it. The butterflies inside my stomach riot as if they were in a festival.

"You're going down, Lucifer."

Even if for me Lucifer's hand on my thigh is a big deal, it doesn't seem that he cares about it in any aspect, treating it like the most common thing in the world. And probably is, but for me, right now, feels like it's the most strange thing someone could do for me. Even if it does form a smile in my lips.

"No, Hope, first help with the table." Colleen's words shifts my attention to her and Hope, who just got up from the table.

"Mom..." she starts to complain "I already helped dad with his salsa."

Hope turns to James, looking for help. "You're on your own, baby."

"Traitor."

"Before you go and play your game with Lucifer, pick up at least the plates. Then you can go."

Lucifer moves his hand away from my skin letting me miss it when he's about to get up from the chair. "I'll help..."

Colleen stops him. "You're the guest, sit."

And like he was before, sits down on the chair and reaches his hand on my thigh. "Sorry." He says to Hope, not wanting to argue with a firm Colleen.

Defeated, Hope starts to collect the plates. "Fine..."

"Look at the bright side," I try to encourage her "you don't have to do the dishes."

"Ugh, I hate doing the dishes."

Yeah, just like Teddy.

Lucifer squeezes my thigh like he wants to get my attention. But when I lead my eyes to him, he isn't looking at me, instead, he's staring at Emily.

"The meal was great, James, thank you."

His thumb starts to caress my skin, making me love his touch in such a strong desire that not even the butterflies in my stomach can handle him anymore. My chest fluttering joins too.

"This special occasion required my famous pasta."

I wonder, over and over again, how come something so simple as his hand touching my thigh can have such a big impact on me...

"It's time to get the news out." James saying in a excited tone gains my attention on him.

"What news?" Lucifer asks, intrigued.

"I want to invite Lucifer to train the kids at the gym with me."

Lucifer's surprise is also mine, having the image of him training kids is something that has never went through my mind. But the more I get to imagine it, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

"Me? A coach?"

"You're great with kids and, obviously, an excellent boxer. There's no one else I'd rather ask to. And, Lilith," my surprise suddenly grows, not expecting to hear my name in this conversation "regardless of Lucifer saying yes or no, we haven't got the time to talk about this, but, you're more than welcomed to stay as my secretary for as long as you want."

Yes, we haven't talked about it and I didn't even think about it. My job as his secretary was gonna go to an end when the fighting stopped happening. I've lived these couple of days with the money that I've saved up, but that too, it's gonna come to an end. With a lot of things happening in the present, my mind didn't even glanced at the future.

"It's not something that you have to decide now," James continues "either of you, when you have your answer, let me know."

I stare at the empty space on the table in front of me as if it's gonna give me the answer, but all it brings me is the delicious taste of James' meal. "Your pasta makes it really hard for me to say no."

I hear James chuckle. "I would be lying if I said that I thought the pasta wouldn't help you. You're the best secretary I've had, and that's a long list."

"He ain't lying." Hope suddenly appears from the inside of the house with empty hands, ready to grab more plates. "Remember Veronica? That woman was evil!" And just like that, disappears again.

Colleen slightly leans over me. "Veronica forgot to buy her favourite candy. Hasn't forgive her since."

"I'll think about it."

Lucifer's words give me the strength to nod too, and reply: "Yeah, me too."

"Thinking about it together," Colleen smiles at us both "the future is a wonderful thing."

The future... yeah, if it doesn't worry you to the point of your chest feeling anxious with just one though of it.

Graduation it's just around the corner, me and what the hell am I gonna do is another question that I need the answer to. If we do good in finals... let's not start with that unless we want to create a metal breakdown.

"We got a couple of news too, if we can share them." I try to focus on Emily's excited words, even if the anxiety rushing to my head bangs the door of the little room I locked it on.

"Of course!"

"We're gonna move back in town because..." Emily gives Adam a sweet look, like she wants him to finish her sentence.

When Adam places his hand on Emily's stomach, what he's about to say doesn't wait to hit me in the face. "We're expecting."

I can't help but smile at the idea of someone like Adam and Emily starting a family together. Haven't known them for a long time, hell, I've met them once, but that doesn't stop me looking at them and knowing deep down they're gonna make a great family together.

"What?!" The news seems to have got the best of everyone in the table, including Hope, who walked outside and has the shining eyes of an excited little kid.

"Is there gonna be a baby around? That's so freaking cute!" She brings her face towards Emily's stomach. "Hello? Hello?!"

"How far are you?" Colleen asks Emily.

"According to the doctor, almost a month."

Lucifer leaves his sit and hugs Adam tightly before Emily. "I'm so happy for you! This is so exciting!"

I do it too, maybe holding back the idea of them not receiving me like a friend since we don't know each other that much, but my worry gets immediately thrown to the trash when the both of them join me in the hug with Lucifer and hold me tightly like I'm their long time friend.

A smile escapes my lips as a lovely feeling rushes to my chest. This is nice, have to honest.

"I think we have a couple of old clothes that Hope wore," James says as soon as Lucifer and I go back to our sits "we can definitely give them to you."

When Lucifer's hand goes back tracing its place on my thigh, the conversation that James and Adam start to have disappears. All my eyes can focus on is his green eyes staring at mine and the smile that gives me, like a safety net holding me closely, when Hope stands in between us and breaks our contact.

"I'm done, loser, get up."

"Prepare to lose, Hope," Lucifer leaves his sit "I'm feeling energetic today."

"You will go down!"

Before disappearing with Hope, Lucifer gives my forehead a little kiss. "I'll be right back."

I nod. "Be careful." The worry of him moving to much and hurting his wound troubles me, but the only thing he does is give me a smile and a wink, without a care of it.

When my attention shifts for a second in the conversation happening around me, it gets stop just as my eyes see the shining screen of Lucifer's phone turning on from a message coming through.

I don't want to snoop, but when the side of my face shows up on the screen as well, my heart feels like it stops for a second.

"DUDE"

"DUDE"

Griffin's name appears as well, covering my face. I stand still, processing if what my eyes just saw was real or not.

"Can I use your shampoo?"

"I have a date with Paul tonight and mine it's empty"

The messages disappear from his screen and my face re appears.

Yes. Lucifer has me as his lock screen. I recognise the photo immediately, not because I've seen it before, but because James's house in on the background, it's the one that he took before we came inside.

He put that picture as his lock screen right there, a second after he took it.

Keeping my mouth shut, I ask myself over and over why is this freaking me out. Why has the heel of my foot suddenly started going up and down while the conversation keeps going around me. My heart beating strongly inside my chest as the air around me becomes thick, and my head having trouble focusing on anything else.

This is what I was afraid of, me feeling anxious about things that I can't control and freaking my head out, leading me to have thoughts that would eventually give me the idea of walking away and... ruining everything. I don't want to do that. Then, why is my head spinning now? It's just something simple as my face on his phone, but for the side of my head that's scared of everything, is the end of the fucking world.

"He's so good with her." Colleen's words snap me out from my freaked thoughts. From the way she's staring at Lucifer and Hope playing football on the corner of the patio, it answers me the question of who she's talking about.

"Like a big brother." Emily also stares at Lucifer, happily playing around.

James chuckles. "He has experience. Having three little sisters gives you that, I would know."

I don't want to give Lucifer a look, knowing that perhaps that's gonna make my thoughts worse than they already feel I prevent it. My eyes lead down to the floor, trying to escape from the conversation and calm my heart down.

"If he ever decides to have kids," Colleen continues "he's gonna be a great dad."

Fuck, fuck, here comes the overthinking bitch.

Lucifer having kids surrounds my chest with anxiety. My lower lip doesn't have a break from my teeth and my heel it's gonna carve a whole in the ground from moving up and down to much, but it doesn't matter, the thoughts and rush in my blood over come me without my brain putting up a fight.

I get up from the chair and turn to Colleen, giving her a sweet smile before she sees whatever's going on inside of me. "Can I use your restroom?"

"Of course, sweetheart. First door on the left, the door's open you won't miss it."

"Thank you..." I manage to let out before my body turns around and walks me inside the house.

Of course, the bathroom was a decoy, there's not a part of my body that desires to step inside that room. I find my way walking towards the front door, needing to take some fresh air that isn't surrounded by words that worry my brain. It all feels like I'm back at my grandparents' house under Joyce hurtful words all over again.

The same yellow flowers are now back around me, but they're not giving me the same lovely feeling that they did before, they're not even helping me calm me down.

Kids, kids, kids, kids... that's all my brain can think about.

Once my body walks around the front yard in all nervousness, the most terrible question that could possibly occur to me hits my head like a plane crashing... what if Lucifer wants kids?

Maybe he has a plan that he wants to fulfil, graduate and then have kids, start a family. To do that you need to get married, does Lucifer want marriage? Am I suitable for that? Am I even suitable to move in with him? Because when people get married, they move in together. Does he want that with me? He put me in his lock screen, is that what that means?

Fuck! Stop! I need my brain to stop!

It doesn't. My breathing becomes quicker begging for the thick air to enter my lungs. The skin in my lower lip hurts, burn from my teeth not letting it go.

Something takes over me and my eyes lead up to the sky, I try my best to look at the starts above me as a way to calm myself and my breathing, when I hear the door opening behind me.

"Lilith?" My heart skips a beat when Lucifer's voice comforts my ears for a second. His steps make me turn around to face him and see the worry in his eyes. "What's going on?"

I take a deep breath in, feeling the tingle inside my nose as the tears beg to drop down from my eyes. "I'm freaking out..." I manage to breath out.

"What?" His right hand touches my arm while his other one caresses my cheek. "What happened?"

My mouth goes open ready for me to talk, but nothing comes out since there's no words that could explain how I'm feeling. Like usually. "Everything and nothing at the same time."

The frustration of not being able to make him understand makes me break into a million pieces, no matter how much my mouth tries to speak, no words slip out. Not even unconscious ones.

And that scares me more than the unknown future. Terrified of never being able to let Lucifer know me on my fullest.

"Hey, hey," Lucifer notices my tears before they even drop down, lifting my chin with his thumb, our eyes connect "you're alright, you're ok." Him breathing in and out slowly and deeply, somehow, manages for my body to do the same. A couple of seconds after, the air around me doesn't feel thick anymore. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Lucifer soft words bring a thought to me, nothing else. "Why do you have me as your lock screen?" I hear myself ask him.

He's surprised by my question, I can tell from his eyebrows slightly tensing. Regardless of that, he doesn't let it take over him. "It's a cute picture and you look beautiful in it. I want it to be the first thing I always see when I look at my phone."

The fact that he's this... lovely, makes me hate myself even more.

I take step back away from him when the tears ask to be free again, when he follows me and joins our bodies again. "Lilith, if it bothers you I'll change it."

"I don't want it to bother me," I confess with my troubling words since my throat becomes close "it's a common thing to do when you care for someone; I have a picture with Ada, but somehow, it does. It makes me freak out. And the fact that Colleen and Emily innocently started talking about you, the future and how great you are with kids, it got me thinking things that didn't help. I asked myself, what if you want kids? I don't want kids, at least, not right now. What if you have a plan to graduate and then start a family? Have five or six kids? I can't handle that..."

"Wow, wow," Lucifer stops my ramble "six or five kids? Why so many?"

"I don't know! And not knowing freaks the shit out of me!"

With his soft touch, Lucifer caresses my cheek. "I don't want kids right now either, love." A sweet smile appears on the corner of his mouth.

"You don't?"

"No, and the fact that I have two waiting for me at home, called Colin and Griffin, who won't survive a night without me, does make me want to wait until I'm at least 30."

I chuckle at his words. Even if I'm standing here making a mess of it all, he still manages to make me smile. And that, makes me even more sad and the tears fly down again.

"Hey, hey." Lucifer comforts me by grabbing both of my cheeks with his hands, enabling me to look anywhere else but his green shining eyes.

"Sometimes..." I start, wishing that the words don't stop "my mind does this thing where it tricks me, it makes me overthinking things that I don't even know I had to think to begin with. It always ends up on me freaking out and running away because it gets to much for me to go through. It hurts and I... hate it." Lucifer carefully listens to my words. A part of me knows that he has so many things to says, but he keeps his mouth shut, welcoming my words first.

"I try to prevent it but it's stronger than me, it manages to take over and that's when I turn my back to it all." His stare makes me find a tiny sparkle of strength to finally take a meaningful deep breath in and say: "I don't want to turn my back on you. It's taking me a lot of strength to say this, and that makes me feel like you deserve someone who has no trouble letting you know how amazing this is. You. Something so little and... I can't... express it. This is what's like to be with me, I'm sorry..."

"I'm gonna stop right there, Avery." Lucifer shakes his head. "No, no, you're completely wrong. I know what I deserve, and everything I know I deserve, you have it." Even if he's firm, wanting me to hear his words clear, there's still a glimpse of sweetness in his voice. "You, no one else. I'm in love with Lilith Avery, and that means everything that you are."

"Who cares that you can't say a couple of things? You'll get there, it's your time and I'm gonna respect that because that's what you deserve. And I'm gonna give you that." His eyes shine with hope, like this time he's begging me to understand him.

"I started loving you when you annoyed me, made me angry and insulted me. I loved you at your worst and I'm also gonna love you at your lowest."

Without waiting for me to process any of my words, Lucifer joining our lips together makes me understand something. It's not about the future, it's about the now, what can we do to make the present worth our while. We're not living in the future, what matters is where our minds live, and that's the present day. And in this present day, I want it with Lucifer, no one else.

The "better" than I'm looking for, the now that is me deserves it. Things change, but they don't do it after one day, not even the most perfect things in the world (cereal for me, but people may argue that it's flowers) grow in a short amount of time. I want to be able to let Lucifer know me fully. For me. For a "better" now. For a "better"... us.

Lucky I am that Lucifer's gonna be with me in every step of the way. That makes me think of the years I spent hating love, and everything that involves it, just to find out that it's a wonderful thing, with the pain, the worry and everything that also comes with it. If we were happy all the time and sadness didn't exist, we wouldn't be able to appreciate all those happy moments that surround us on a daily day.

Gosh... Lucifer got me being cheesy. What has this man done to me?

When he breaks our kiss, all I find inside my brain to say is: "That was good."

I'm an idiot.

Lucky for me, Lucifer likes the side of me that's an idiot, and laughs at my words. "Thank you."

"Griffin messaged you asking if he could use your shampoo... that's how I saw the lock screen."

"Knowing him he's already using it."

I look down to his pocket to find the shape of his phone inside of his jean. "It is a nice picture. Send it to me, my mom would definitely love it."

Smiling, Lucifer brushes our noses together to fulfil the desire that we both have for each other. "Will do."

Thinking of my mom, it reminds me of this weekend, my visit to Forwell. When an idea comes to my head, I slight happy spark makes my stomach feel excited. "Every weekend before finals I go back to Forwell," I say "there's this event that I never miss and it's in two days. I'm going."

Before I get to finish, something changes in Lucifer's eyes. He tries to hide it, and he's good at it, but being me and my ability to see sometimes things in people that it shows what they're thinking, allows me to see a tiny bit of disappointment in him. "Okay, love." Still, he says softly, supporting my idea. "Say hi to Harry the Cow for me."

I may be an idiot, but he's a greater idiot. "Why don't you say hi to Harry yourself?" When those words come out of my mouth, the shine in those green eyes that I love so much to stare at, appear again, showing me the hope and happiness sparking inside Lucifer. "Wanna come with me?" I ask, softly. "I mean, the event is really fun and you can raise money with us. Mom can prepare something and we can have another movie night, you know? The Avery way. Teddy would love that. You don't want to miss Jackson's cooking—"

Lucifer pressing our lips together makes me realise that I was rambling. Once he breaks our lips apart, he immediately shakes his head. "You didn't have to convince me, the second you asked me I was ready to say yes."

I smile at the excitement that this could bring us. For the first time, an idea that my head has come up with that involves Lucifer and I, doesn't make me doubt anything. Doesn't make me freak out or feel the pain on my lower lip from being bitten, instead, it makes my cheeks hurt from smiling to much.

Oh, boy...

"Let's go inside," Lucifer holds my hand tightly before taking a step back and pointing with his head to the house "Colleen buys this amazing pudding, you'll love it."

I tilt my head to the side, already tasting the pudding in my mouth. "I can't say no to pudding."

Lucifer smiles, bringing me closer to him with gentle hands. "That's my girl..."

Yes. I like that. Being his girl. Lucifer's.

Little by little, piece by piece, it doesn't sound bad anymore.

...