"what the hell were we? tell me we weren't just friends, this doesn't make much sense"

chase atlantic — "friends"

"Jail!" My loud surprised word shakes the walls once I swing the door open from Lucifer's apartment. Both Griffin and Colin, who were hanging on the couch, jump out of it to walk towards me.

"Jail?!"

I nod, brusquely. "Jail!"

"Who?!"

I let Ada and Ryker walk inside the apartment by stepping aside. They have their eyes looking at the floor, embarrassed. "These two!"

Lucifer follows them, and even if he's trying this hardest, the smile that slips through his mouth can be seen by me.

"Who jail?" Paul's voice sounds behind me. He makes his way inside the living room, coming from the kitchen soon followed by Ivy with a bag of popcorn between her hands.

"Us." Both Ada and Ryker let out at the same time.

"For what?!" Now Bobby speaks. He sounds far. On the floor with papers spread all over, books in between his legs, glasses that are slightly coming off since he was looking down, his hand swings up like he's trying to get our attention.

I point at Ada and Ryker once my eyes lay on Bobby. "Sex!"

"Sex?!" The whole group except Lucifer and I, who already knew it, yells as the surprise runs wild on their faces.

Colin walks closer to me with worry all over his eyes. "Is sex illegal now?"

Griffin points at his best friend, accusingly. "Don't even say it."

Shaking my head, I point once again to the accused. "Sex and jail!"

Ivy chuckles. "Did you two had sex in jail?"

"No!" Same as before, Ada and Ryker yell at the exact time as the other.

Lucifer, the only one who seems like he's enjoying this because he knows the context, lays his waist on the top of the couch and crosses his arms around his chest, finally letting free the proud smirk from his mouth. "The were caught having sex in a public place, that's what they went to jail."

I have to eat the laugh inside when the whole group gasps at the exact moment, like a music band.

Colin shakes his head, smiling. "Oh, you naughty people."

"It was nothing!" Ada adds defensively. "We were having sex like two normal adult people, and then the cops came! That's it!"

Griffin seems intrigued while the rest of the group tries to hold their laugher. "Where you like... having sex in the middle of a park or something?"

"No! We're not animals, Griffin! It was just en empty boat that we rented just to have a day in the lake but apparently you can't have sex on a rented boat!"

Ivy gives everyone a handful of popcorn, just to enjoy the little movie they seem to be watching. "Tell me you were giving a good show..."

"Ivy!"

Ryker laughing at Ivy's words gains him a slap in the arm by Ada.

"We made sure nobody that passed by could see us. But doing that, people thought that it was an empty boat in the middle of the lake so the water police was called!"

Paul chuckles. "Water police?"

"I don't know what they're called!"

My eyes can't look away from Ada as the context of why I picked her up from jail goes over and over again inside my brain. It can't simply process it... jail and Ada don't go together! Ada and parties, sure! Ada and staying up until three AM watching a TV show? Yes! But jail? Are you kidding me? Just, no!

"I don't know if I should be worried or be proud of you!" I shake my head, in disbelief. "Both? Probably both! I mean, getting into trouble because of sex is my thing! Ada is all grown up! She follows my steps! Mine! I'm picking her up from jail!"

Bobby drops his book on the floor to pick up another one. "I can no longer say I'm the coolest in the group because I went to jail for underage drinking. What a sad day."

Colin keeps munching on the popcorn Ivy gave him. "Was the sex going well at least?"

Ryker gives Colin a thumbs up. "Excellent."

Slap! Ada goes after her boyfriend's arm. "Ryker!"

"What? It was!"

Remembering her mugshot inside my pocket, I take it out and lift it for everyone to see. "I'm gonna put this on our refrigerator."

As everyone stares at the picture and Colin takes it out from my hand, a couple of other set of hands touch the lower part of my back. "Do you want cereal?" Lucifer's voice sounds against my ear.

I immediately nod. "Yes, to let go or the streets of having to pick up my best friend from jail. I'm gonna need it with these kids."

Ryker is now the one who walks towards me, sorry eyes on him, as Lucifer's hand leave my body. "Thank you for picking us up."

I point at him pretending to be mad... because, c'mon, it wouldn't be me if I didn't freak Ryker just a little bit. He immediately steps back while the sorry in his eyes transforms into regret.   "You... you're getting my best friend into trouble, that is my job. Do you want to go to war, bro?"

Ada chuckles beside me. "Did you just call Ryker "bro"?"

"You better watch yourself, bro," I point at myself without losing sight of the boy who's not slowly becoming more terrified than the fact he just went to jail "because when it comes to trouble I will always win."

"I'll give you the crown back, Lilith."

"Bold of you to assume you took it in the first place."

When Ada touches my arm to gain my attention, her tired eyes is all mine can notice. "I just need to go to bed."

I arch an eyebrow. "Bed?"

A bowl of cereal is now in between my hands, automatically grabbing it once Lucifer hands it to me like my brain doesn't need to me to see it to feel it closer to me. "Eat, love."

"Thank you." I don't look away from Ada, who's eyes slowly turn into the little romantic self she is when Lucifer called me love. "No, missy, bed so you can have sex again? No sex for you two today."

Colin lifts his hand in the air. "I can have sex, right?" I nod. "Cool." And he goes back to the couch with Griffin.

Ada's curls move along her head once she slowly shakes it, seeing my joke from miles away. "You're funny, you know that?"

"Of course." Placing my arm around her shoulders, I can't help but smile proudly at my innocent best friend finally taking a step into the "troublemaker" life.  "Jail? Sex? I'm so fucking proud."

As she smiles at me, her hand travels to my waist, ready to make our way out of the apartment. "Can we go back to our dorm?"

Ah, shit. The realising of not packing my stuff to move away from the apartment we're in right now comes to me like a cold bucket of water dropping on top of my head. "Fuck. I forgot to pack all of my stuff to move!"

"We already did it." Colin's and Griffin's voices sound behind us. Turning around, the entire group hangs by the couch, including Lucifer and Ryker, who joined Paul and Ivy on a little game from the TV.

"What?" I can't seem to process what the "already did it" from Griffin and Colin truly meant. Did they pack... all my stuff for me?

"We were bored." Colin replies with a shrug of the shoulders as well, unbothered.

"You packed all my shit?"

"Except your underwear," Griffin adds as his head in half inside the popcorn bag "we didn't want to see anything unwanted!"

Funny when those words come from Griffin. "I've seen your minions underwear a thousand of times, I think you seeing mine wasn't gonna be a problem."

Colin swings his head towards me and says: "Want us to do it—" when his shoulder being grabbed by Lucifer stops him.

"I think Lilith has that covered. In fact," he walks towards me, taking me away from Ada and leading our way to my ex room as he grabs my hand "she's gonna do it now."

I can't help but notice the jealousy running wild all around his face. Jawline clenched, fake smile and determined steps with our hands wrapped, Lucifer tries to hold into his jealous words the most peaceful he can manage.

"Are you're gonna see them?" I hear Griffin say from a far once we enter the hallway. "That's not—!"

"He's allowed to do it..." Colin stops him.

"Why— oh, right."

As soon as we walk inside my room, the fight in me to keep my smile in reminds me when mom is lecturing Teddy for something that was my idea on the first place.

Lucifer walks to my underwear drawer and opens it brusquely, ready to sort the clothes inside and to cover his jealousy still running in his veins.

I, stay by the door, letting my body rest on the frame. "Jealousy is bad for you, you know that?" I bite my lower lip to prevent me from smiling if Lucifer stares at me, but he doesn't, he just forces a chuckle and starts to take off my underwear off the drawer and put it on top.

"Like I would be jealous of Colin touching your underwear."

"Fine," I start taking a step backwards "then I'll ask him to help me—"

Finally, Lucifer does stare at me, fake chuckling and stopping me from moving forward with my steps. "You're funny."

"Very."

His jawline clenching doesn't hide the smirk that appears on his mouth. Lucifer knows I'm joking with him, wanting him to get more jealous than he already is, so, instead of continuing he goes back to my underwear and pulls something out of it.

It's my underwear, of course, but, if you look at it you wouldn't tell.  There's nothing covering the front... or the back.

Lucifer's eyes don't part from it as his hand lifts the piece of clothing in front of his face, giving me the chance to see what he's seeing. I don't have to take my time to recognise it, my eyes do it immediately, and bringing the couple of memories in my freshman year of college, when I used to wear it every single weekend.

Don't ask.

Noticing how the smirk on his face becomes bigger, before he can let out anything about it, I walk closer to him and grab it from his hands. 

"That is... something." Lucifer says slowly, still processing what he just saw.

While I, look at it with nostalgic eyes like it's a picture with Ada and I on our first week of meeting each other. "I haven't used that in a while."

"You used this?" Lucifer asks me, with surprise screaming on his face.

"I own it, so, yeah."

"For what?"

Is he— really, is he serious? "What do you mean for what, Lucifer? Us having sex multiple times proves you're not that innocent."

"I mean," he leans closer to me, resting his arm on top of the drawer "why haven't I seen it yet? On you."

Arching an eyebrow, this time, it's me who brings us closer making the air between us mix with each other. "Do you want to see me wearing it?"

Lucifer slowly nods, tilting his head slightly to the side without letting go of my eyes and the smirk on his face. "And admire like fine art, yes."

It's inevitable for me, my teeth bite on my lower lip as Lucifer's words are processed by my brain. And how much my body desires to be admired by him like he usually does.

As if he's words weren't enough for me to want him, Lucifer, with gentle fingers, moves a curl that was falling on the side of my head to the back of my ear. His touch steals a tiny breath out of me, growing the lust running through my veins.

The way he touches me is like it slows down time and nothing else matters expect his fingers on my skin. His eyes wondering on my lips, connected as if a million of thoughts are flying through his head. Breathing mixing with mine, making a tiny tornado between us. All my attention is on him, waiting for a move or a single word. But all Lucifer does is stay quiet, enjoying our closeness and admiring every little possible detail I have.

He moves a bit closer to me, almost brushing our noses together and finally let us both enjoy each other in slightly deeper way.

Don't know why, but, the urge in me to step away from him rushes to my body. "Maybe we should go back to packing..." I find myself saying against the part of me that doesn't want to.

Lucifer looks at me in the eyes, making me let out a deep breath out of my mouth.

"I have a better idea..." His whisper leads for my heart to skip a beat. But there's no time for me to say anything else, Lucifer unites our lips together in a gentle motion and brushes in me warmth inside my veins.

It's like fireworks happen on my chest. The same affect he always has on me explodes, begging me to keep him against me for as long as I can. Wonder of how he does that isn't missing this time, like it never is. It's strange, really, or maybe it's just something that I can't figure out yet, or even understand...

But there is something that I can understand when the sudden need to step away as the air around me becomes thicker, I have to break our kiss and lead my eyes to the floor, enable to look at Lucifer on the eyes.

I get overwhelmed. This feeling of being cornered surrounds my chest like my stomach is in between the blade and the wall. I remember this feeling perfectly, the walls seem like they're closing on me, enable to breath properly and head dizzy as a carousel, all in a matter of seconds.

"Wait.." that's what I find to say. I have to close my eyes to calm myself down even if it feels impossible to me.

"Hey, hey." Lucifer adds softly, showing nothing but worry of me. "Love, what's wrong?"

I'm not able to answer. All I can feel is my heart beating a bit faster than normal and my eyes not being able to open, otherwise, the dizziness will make me lose my balance and my body will end on the floor.

My hand rests on the dresser next to us, allowing me to feel my body on the floor and not somewhere else, floating with no way of going back to ground.

Lucifer's hand touches my elbow, gently, as if he knows that any sort of rough touch could make whatever is happening to me worse than it already is.

"Lilith." I hear his calm voice call me. "Do you feel alright?"

No.

"What happened?"

"I don't know..." I manage to say almost in a whisper.

A part of me knows. It's horrible, really, not being able to fully put it into words. Not being able to fix it because there's no answer in me on how to do it. My feet wanting to step back and walk away from this room is familiar, making me understand what this is.

Me walking away. Like when Joyce argues with me, or when mom wants to talk about feelings, or Ada teasing me with Lucifer... him and I starting to feel something else for each other that isn't hatred. I always walked away, if it was with my body moving away or my words, dismissing it, not wanting to have anything to do with it, I did it. All the fucking time.

Except for that time, where the magic of Forwell, what I like to call it, was growing on my veins, strongly, where nothing feels scary or heavy. Just my feelings and me, welcoming them like I do nowhere else in the planet.

Old Lilith is slowly slipping back. Begging me to walk away and never look into this "love" feeling again. It's absurd. And me committing to it is stupid. We're not suit for love, right? That's what we always believed. We don't do love.

Stop.

My feet make the slight movement of stepping away, when Lucifer's hand going on my waist stops me right away. Inevitably, I open my eyes. Meeting Lucifer's, is like my heart is brushed with a wave of calmness and it stops beating fast. The air around me is no longer thick, even if my mouth still has trouble to breath normally. 

"I need to..." I say as I slowly go back to the opened drawer "finish packing."

I don't look at Lucifer since it could lead to me reading his expression and making me more nervous than I already am. So, instead, I just go back to taking off my underwear from the drawer and throw it on the bed.

"Sure." Lucifer says in a unsure tone.

I'm not surprise, me breaking our kiss and freaking out over us is probably not a thing that's gonna pass unnoticed by him.

But, he does the same as me. Turning his body towards the dresses we both stay in silent, nothing but the sound of our hands moving clothes out from the drawer. 

He doesn't say a word. Deep down it's not strange for me that he doesn't, maybe understanding that if I want to talk about it, I will, and that when I do it's hard for me to express it in a understandable way.

I don't open my mouth either, even if on the inside, the nerves fly around like a tornado shaking everything. Overwhelming me over the fact that there's a slight change, this happens again. The old me.

I let out a sigh once I turn around and go towards the bed, ready to fold my underwear with the question "what if it does go back to the way it was?" runs on and on in my head. I don't want it to. And I hate that I don't know how to prevent it.

"Listen," Lucifer says, turning around "tomorrow—"

"GUYS! PARTY!" Colin interrupts him by walking inside the room with arms wide opened. The huge smile on his face gains my attention before the party hat on his head.

"What? Since when?" My confused question is soon followed by the sound of people walking inside the apartment. And by people I mean a "crowd". It sounds like it.

"Like," Colin looks down to his nonexistent watch "fifteen minutes ago. Just a little goodbye to Lilith as our roommate, c'mon," placing his arm around my shoulder, he leads my way to the door "party party party!"

All I can find myself the strength to do is look back to Lucifer before he goes away from my sight. His eyes shine with disappointment since he didn't finish his sentence even if his mouth forms a smile for me.

Tomorrow, what?

I can't find the time to ask him, Colin drags me out from the room to join the party that's starting right now on the apartment.

So, I got no answer, a tiny freak out and the possible old me coming back.

That is great.

Then, fine. Let's get wasted tonight.

[...]

The music is loud... and good, good, good. I feel like dancing all fucking night. Don't you feel like dancing? Because I do! Like, I want to shake my ass until there's no longer ass to shake. I want to dance, dance, and dance... or take a shot?

Why not both?

Wait— I'm inside the bathroom? Is this the bathroom—? Yes, yes it is, that's Griffin's minion underwear, this is indeed the bathroom.

Why am I in the bathroom?

I was looking for something. Yes, yes I was.

Ada?

No.

Alcohol?

Maybe, but I'm not sure.

Uh... do I need to go to bathroom?

I certainly don't.

Fuck it, then let's go.

"Party!" I yell as soon as I walk outside the bathroom to join the crowd of people in the apartment because, why the hell not?

"Yeah!" Someone that I have never seen before yells back. Giving him a blurry thumbs up, I then make my way to the... living room? Is this the living room? Yes! Yes it is. Paul is dancing on top of the couch. We're we need to be. Good!

Alcohol, alcohol, alcohol... my tongue is gonna scream for another shot. Tongue, can you scream? Let's try it!

"Shot!" I yell.

Yes, you can— HA! That was funny, wasn't it?

It was, don't lie to me.

The black table where a bunch of bottles filled with alcohol magically appears in front of me. Or, at least, that's what it feels like because there's no way I could give any logical explanations right now in case you haven't noticed.

"One for good luck!" I yell again before taking the shot to my mouth and let the liquid enter my mouth.

I think I've already taken... ten shots for good luck. At this point, I'm the luckiest person in the world! Right? Yes, right, right, right.

Cool, cool, cool, who am I gonna kiss tonight? I certainly want to kiss someone! Who's gonna be the lucky one?

Lucifer.

Fucking.

Donovan.

I want him. No one else...

I'm very drunk, aren't it?

UH— food!

Making my way in the most clumsily way possible (clumsily, mhm, that's a funny word) to the table by the left corner of the living room where the the boxes of cold pizza lay, I grab one piece and immediately take it to my mouth— this is the best decision I've made in a while.

"Lilith!" I hear a familiar voice behind me. The pizza is way more interesting than this voice that speaks behind me. "Shot, shot, shot, shot!" Alright— maybe I'll give them my attention.

Turning around with pizza all over my mouth, I find Colin with the entire group behind me. He holds two shot cups between his hands, Griffin has a party hand on, Paul and Bobby both wear dark glasses, Ivy, with a whistle between her lips, has both Ada and Ryker around her arms, as they both wave their hands while singing the sing that's playing.

"SHOT?!" I hear myself yell and grabbing the shot cup from Colin's hand.

Griffin places himself beside me "I'm definitely gonna need the puke bucket tonight."

Colin lifts his cup into the air and i clumsily (please, it's so funny) follow him. "For the best girl roommate ever!"

Fuck, yeah!

The liquid doesn't even burn my throat anymore and that's a... very good thing. It means I can take so many more shots without even feeling it! Hell yeah!

Soon, don't know how, but my eyes are able to find a familiar dark blonde head approaching me. And like a quick shift, the biggest smile grows in me, clearly not under the control of my brain.

Just like my body, that runs to Lucifer ready to hold his cheeks with my hands. 

"LUCIFER! HI! HOW ARE YOU?"

Was that too loud?

Probably.

Lucifer, with a tiny smile, steps a bit back grabbing my hands with his, taking them away from his face in the process. I lose my balance for a moment, feeling my eyes get more dizzy than they were before. Lucky for me, Lucifer holds my waist tightly and prevents me from ending on the floor. "I think you had too much to drink."

"Me?! Nooooooo!" I place my hands on his cheeks once again, finding myself enjoying the little smile that's on his face. "Why would you say that—"

He is so pretty, isn't he?

I get closer to him, admiring his green eyes that don't shine as usual, but my brain can't find itself thinking about it, it's already focused on me losing balance for the second time and being held by Lucifer by my waist.

"Hey, hey, don't fall." Somehow, his sweet voice sounds over the loud music.

"What if I want to fall?" I point at him, laughing. "You didn't think of that!"

"You don't want to wake up with a bruise tomorrow, baby."

Baby, baby, baby...

I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe I do."

My eyes slowly wonder on his body. He's wearing a bottom shirt, all black with a jacket that sparkles under the poor light in the room. The top of the shirt isn't closed, allowing me to see his spider tattoo and almost drool over it.

Believe me, I still have a little bit of control over what I do.

Or maybe not.

I take a couple of steps closer to Lucifer and try to kiss him, but he stops me by stepping aside and gently grabbing my waist.

"You're drunk..."

"So?" I try to my best to focus on him, but even if my eyes are doing their best, the more seconds pass, the dizziness in me becomes stronger than before.

I try to kiss him again, clumsily (please!). Lucifer does it again, and moves back. "You're drunk."

I furrow my eyebrow, letting my back rest back as it's being held by Lucifer's hands. "Why aren't you drunk?"

I may be wasted, but the ability to see people's expression never goes away. Lucifer's doesn't let go of my eyes but his mouth doesn't open, like he's trying to chose the right words to say. Something's bothering him inside... "I just don't want to.." He finally says, softly.

"Why? You're as crazy as someone who doesn't like cereal."

"I have something to do tomorrow."

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, what does that word sound familiar?

"Tomorrow?" I ask, confused.

My eyes doze off, Lucifer is nothing but a blur shadow in front of me, moving slowly side to side even if our bodies aren't even taking a step to either side.

Colin's shoulder suddenly appearing on my side makes me lead my eyes to him. His blurry black hairs look messy. "Shot?" He hangs a shot glass to Lucifer, but he shakes his head.

"No, thank you." They both go silent for a moment, only the music blasting our ears sounds. Staring at them both, I notice that Colin stares at Lucifer strangely, trying to figure out why his friend said not to the shot; while Lucifer gives a smile to him, knowing that he's gonna need a little bit of help to understand the reason. "Tomorrow's the fourteenth."

Quick as a switch turning on inside of him, Colin's eyes go wide open at the realisation of tomorrow being the fourteenth... whatever that could be. "Oh, shit, man. Fuck! I'm so sorry."

"It's ok." My eyes are able to catch the strong fight in Lucifer to find in himself the ability to smile and not let Colin get trapped in the guilty feeling glowing in his face.

"No, it's not. We're here making a party, and—"

"I needed to get my mind off of it, it's fine, Colin, forget about it."

The intrigue in me is stronger than the dizziness my eyes and head are still fighting to get rid of. What could possible be the meaning of tomorrow being the fourteenth flies around in my head, trying to put the pieces together, but all I know is that both Colin and Lucifer know about it, and the alcohol dancing WMCA inside my stomach isn't gonna help me get an answer.

"I feel like shit." Colin slowly shakes his head, hating the fact that he forgot all about the fourteenth.

"Don't. It's fine, I mean it." The way that Lucifer's eyes don't look away from Colin and the smile doesn't go away either, it allows me to see in him how much it's taking him to say these words. Not because he doesn't mean them, on the contrary, he truly does, but doing it brings him the reason why is the fourteenth so important to him and his eyes shining with sadness is the answer I need to the question of why he needed to take it off his mind; it's painful.

Colin points at Lucifer, slow smile forming on his lips. "I'll make you some pancakes tomorrow morning."

I hear a chuckle coming from the man holding me, and it's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. "You're gonna cook while hangover?"

"You know that's the best cooking I do, man!"

He chuckles once again.

Fuck.

Not even the music compares to it.

"I'll wait for them."

I smell food.

Where? Where's the food? I turn my head to where the smell is coming from—

"You bet—"

Yep, there I go again, losing my balance and my feet betray me, if it weren't for Lucifer's hands I'd be face on the floor right now.

"I got you, baby."

"Oh, fuck." I hear Colin take a step closer to us. "Is she alright?"

I feel Lucifer's fingertips move a curl out of my face. His touch makes my eyes go shut to enjoy it fully and erase the dizziness in my eyes. It makes the alcohol in me move slowly, like the ocean on a Sunday morning, calmly letting the wind take it to wherever it has to be.

"She's gonna be." His caring tone surrounds my ears like magic, almost as it could erase the loud music around this party.

Damn, it wasn't food that I smelled, it was... alcohol!

"SHOT!" I hear myself yell and automatically my body turns around like a door hearing a bag of chips opening.

When Lucifer stops me from moving forwards, his right hand holds my waist tightly while his other one wraps with mine. "You had enough."

I flip him off... or at least, I think I'm flipping him off. "Fuck you."

"Yeah," He chuckles, sweetly "I love you too, baby."

"I'll get her some water." Colin disappears from my sight by walking away, but to be honest, it wasn't gonna be that hard to do it because my dizziness is still troubling my eyes.

"Water?! No!" I yell again, and just like before, my brain doesn't even acknowledged it.

"Yes, water, baby, c'mon." Lucifer forces my body to move towards the left side of the house. A table full of alcohol— bad idea. Lucky for Lucifer and my inability to place my focus on anything more than two seconds, my attention can't help it and moves to him.

"You're strong..." I say slowly, admiring his arms and tattooed skin as he still holds me, trying to keep my balance on me and not on the floor "very strong, I like your arms, very pretty." My hand acts on itself and moves around his upper arm, holding it tightly. "I wanna squeeze them." I sound like a child admiring a new toy.

Once my waist is secure against the table and Lucifer makes sure of that, he stands in front of me with the party behind him. His clothes and stand, hands on his waist and eyes that shine as they look at me with a tiny smile, my teeth bite my lower lip not being able to control the sudden desire that grows within me.

"I don't know if it's the alcohol or me but," Lucifer's green eyes are locked on mine, holding me tightly like my words are the only thing he's focusing on "I want to really fuck you right now."

His chuckle leads his eyes away from mine. "You're completely wasted."

"Then it's the alcohol—" Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls starts to play, and I don't take my time to recognise it, being my go to song when partying allows me to feel it playing miles away. "UH!" The music gives me the strength to regain my balance and walk closer to Lucifer. "This is my favourite song!"

Without erasing the smile from his face, Lucifer goes to the place I was before and rests his waist on the table. While I, can't say no to the Pussycat Dolls.

Maybe it's the alcohol (is definitely the alcohol) or that Lucifer looks extremely hot right now (that too, obviously), but my dancing doesn't walk away from Lucifer. I hold our eyes connected as if my life depended on it, while my body moves following the rhythm of the song (that is very much familiar to me). He stares and stares, smile still on his lips, and eyes wondering slowly down my body. It acts like a spell, brushing all the alcohol that's making me lose conscious of my own actions for a moment. Every little thing it's for him.

When out of nowhere, his eyes shift to the left side and every good thing disappears from his face. It's like a click, and the enjoyment that he was feeling complete vanishes. The shine in his eyes isn't the same as before, turning nothing but a dead stare that could send anyone chills down their back, the smile becomes a clenched jawline that becomes unintentional when a long breath goes out of Lucifer's nose.

"Lucifer.." I try to call his name for attention, but he doesn't even give me a look. "Lucifer!" The music makes it almost impossible for me to gain his eyes on me from a simple scream, so, I make my way closer to him, almost crushing our bodies together. "Hey! Asshole! You stupid and pretty and handsome and good and idiot boy!"

Finally, his dead stares shifts to me, and like I thought it would, it almost caused for my heart to jump a beat. "That guy is staring at you and I don't like it." Lucifer's raspy voice manages to be heard above the music, and now that I'm in front of him, I can see the way his dead stare fills itself with jealousy.

"Let him stare," I add, uninterested "that's the only thing he'll do to me, ever. I mean, I look like this and you expect nobody to look at me?"

"I expect for every guy to look at you, you're the most beautiful person in here."

"Then?" I hug his waist to feel his body against mine. "Forget about him."

His eyes look back again. I don't turn to where he is because there's not a single care on who this guy could be, only Lucifer is in between my fucks tonight.

Something else in bothering him, I can tell. The way his eyes don't stare away is like he's letting his thoughts eat his head and hold on that vulnerability (know that feeling very well myself), that "tomorrow" is building.

He's gonna do something about it, and I hate that there's no way of me knowing what could it be.

"I'll be right back, love."

LUCIFER

No words can describe why I'm doing this. All I can feel is the already fucked up brain of mine, roughly shaken, hating the sight of another man staring at Lilith like the way this guy is.

Usually, I don't mind, Lilith is the most beautiful woman my eyes have ever laid on, guys staring at her isn't a surprise, but the way this stranger has his eyes wondering around her body, smirking as he seems to undresses her with his stare, laid body on the wall with drink on his hand awakens something in me that only happens before a fight; and undying desire to tear whatever stands in front of me.

A part inside my chest knows this is wrong, me walking up to this guy with anger flowing in my veins isn't something that coach would be proud of, but the other doesn't give a fuck. Call it already feeling awful for what tomorrow is, call it jealousy, call it whatever you want to, my steps don't stop, determined to get those eyes away from Lilith.

Something about him, eyes that stare like he owns her, ready to make a move and touch something that isn't his. Only I get to touch her like he's clearly dreaming about, and there's no doubt in me that my wish is to make that extremely clear, he better erase that image out of his head, otherwise, me tearing him apart is the least I'm gonna do to him.

Slowly, my back rests on the wall by his side. He doesn't acknowledge my presence at first, but then, when I take out a cigarette out of my pocket and turn it on once it's between my lips, his eyes give me a quick look.

"What a beauty, huh?" He goes back to Lilith, pointing at her with his head. "That's Lilith Avery, right? Do you know her?"

I have to take a breath in from the cigarette to not land my fists on this guy's face there and then. The smoke fills my lungs and my eyes don't let go of him, even if that does make it harder to compose myself. "Yes, I do." I finally say.

The way his eyes show me excitement leads me to take another smoke in.

Coach's face is inside my head, pulling me back from throwing every little piece of training I had on this guy. "Really? Do you think you can introduce me to her?"

No. Not even in a million years.

"I've heard she's really good in bed, a beast."

Give me the strength to not punch this guy until he's no longer conscious. Because the strength to do it is clearly in me. "I always wanted to try her."

"I heard she has a boyfriend." I quickly reply, without letting go of him and every move he does. His eyes slowly wonder on Lilith, who's now dancing again while Colin tries to give her a water bottle.

"Her? No, that's imposible. Someone like her doesn't settle, never. A "boyfriend" isn't on her vocabulary."

This time, I don't find any words to say. The word boyfriend coming out of his mouth strikes something in me, like a worried corner I didn't know I had.

I hate the fact that I can't say "I'm the boyfriend", because in reality, I'm not.

She's not my girlfriend and I'm not her boyfriend. I can't just simply let out that state when it's not reality, even if there's nothing more my mouth wants to say that "I'm Lilith Avery's boyfriend", loud and proudly.

If this guy wanted to walk up to Lilith, he could. Looking at the big picture, there's nothing stopping him.

But in the tiny picture, yeah, me.

"It is what I heard." I finally say, trying to erase this new worry of mine that shakes my anxiety.

I want to call myself her boyfriend, but I can't. And the wonder of when's that day gonna come consumes the deep places of my head.

Or, if the day eventually comes.

"Even if she has," the guy continues "it's not a problem, I can share." Another smoke to prevent myself from punching the smile away from his face. "A woman like that can't be tied to one man, c'mon, it's not news she sleeps with every guy she sees."

"You're talking a lot about her for someone who doesn't know her." I try to not sound as angry as my chest feels, but, to be honest, I failed completely, and the guy shifts his attention towards me.

"I don't need to know her to see these things, she's the talk of every guy on campus. Do you actually know her?" He goes back to Lilith, smile growing and eyes wondering, making my strength to pull away from him even harder for me. Coach's face slowly fades away, blurry as the good side of me that knows this could end bad for him and is telling me to stop.

"A slut who probably doesn't respect herself." My eyes, located in him, hating everything they see. Familiar feeling for when I was in the ring about to fight, ready to win it. Chest tense, blood feeling crawling in my veins like a spider, and eyes, focused on the opponent.

No sense is left behind, just me winning the fight no matter what could be the cost.

This wave of hatred takes over me, but the cigarette is the only thing holding me back.

"That's the kind of woman I want to take to bed. And she's so drunk, man, easier target—"

Before I can think about my actions, hatred and jealousy runs in my veins and takes over my body. My free hand grabs the neck of his shirt to then walk in front of him, leading for his hand to let go of the drink at the surprise and gain a couple of eyes on us.

His eyes shine with shook, unexpected of me walking up to him like this. My grip makes his back hit the wall in a loud noise, easy as that was for me, I don't let go of his eyes either, allowing him to see every inch of me wanting to tear him apart.

"You talk about her like that again and I'll rip that tongue of yours. You look at her, you smile at her, you even dare to imagine touching her, trust me, I'll know, and that head will no longer be attached your fucking body. Got it?" Words full of anger fly out of my mouth, it fills me inside as the need to punch his face grows each seconds that passes, already feeling coach's teaching telling me to never use my abilities with someone out of the ring rushing to my head, but I don't care, no one talks about Lilith like that. No one. Not on my fucking watch.

I make his back hit the wall again watching his eyes shift back to Lilith for the last time in his shitty life. "You even talk about woman like that one more time in your entire life I'll always be there to kick the living shit out of you. Do you hear me?" I find myself letting out little smile. "I know you did, don't make me repeat it again. Lilith Avery does not exist for you anymore."

His head quickly shakes enabled to hide the fear in him.

Bringing it back, I do hear coach's inside my head turning off a quick switch in me. Preventing myself from continuing, my hands let go of the neck of his shirt for myself to take a step backwards, swiping off some fake dust from his shoulder. "Why don't you leave and call your mom, sister, cousin, tell her how much you love them, how much you respect them, and then think about all the times you disrespected woman, the the number that is, just smash your head against the wall the same amount. That'll do it."

I don't get an answer, just the sight of the guy leaving his place and walk through the door to leave the party behind.

My eyes wonder when they get the feeling of still getting people's attention in me, and I'm not wrong, half of the crowd around me discreetly turn their eyes away from me once I locate mine on them, as if they weren't looking at me almost losing my shit with that guy.

"Almost", a word that hangs in my brain with no confidence at all. This time was almost, yeah, but the next time that something similar happens, am I gonna control myself? Am I gonna be able to let my anger aside and move on? Ignore it?

There's no doubt in me that what tomorrow means has something to do with it; me losing it. And maybe it's the fact that a part of me has more worries this year, but it feels worse than times prior. It's all mixed together with the already jealousy controlling my anger when the word boyfriend was put into the conversation.

I understand, and I want to follow Lilith's rhythm, there's no denying that. But still, a part can't help but wonder if that day is gonna come, if one day, I'm gonna be able to look at her in the eyes and say: she's my girlfriend, and I'm her boyfriend, because as of right now, the moment that I look at her now back dancing with a defeated Colin next to the table, keeping an eye for her, there's nothing I want in the world more than that.

"Lucifer." I hear a familiar voice behind me. It's Ivy. Her red head appears by my side once her hand touches my shoulder, gaining my attention. "You alright? You were standing there like a zombie."

"Yeah." I reply, even if a part of me doubts that answer.

"I think someone is wasted." Ivy's laugh leads my eyes back to Lilith in the corner of the room, dancing her heart out to the song currently playing. Once my eyes catch someone walking by with a couple of shots between their hands, and that Lilith's eyes suddenly go to them like it's cereal we're talking about, I know it's my time to prevent it.

I don't take much to arrive next to her and take the glass out of her hand. She follows it with her eyes, wanting it like a dog follows food, but once I leave it on the table behind her, her attention shifts to me.

"Lucifer!" The big smile she lets out sends one to mine, glad that drunk Lilith is happy to see me. "Where did you go, mister? Let's party!"

When her body makes a step towards the middle of the room, my hands gently grabbing her waist prevents her from moving forward. "No, I think it's time to go bed."

"Bed?! No!"

"Yes," I make her body follow mine towards the rooms "bed."

"Good luck!" I hear a very funny Colin yell behind us.

Yes, I am gonna need it.

"The party!" Lilith's body is unable to keep her balance together without my hands. All her strength is put out into going back to the party, but even with a gentle grip, her feet still follow me away from it. "You suck!"

I can't help but smile once those familiar words come out of her. Like the good old times.

Opening the door from my room, her clumsy body follows me towards the bed. Once I leave her back laying on it, Lilith's eyes go immediately close.

"No, no, baby," I lift her head up "water first."

"Water?"

"Yes, water. All the water you need to match the alcohol you drank tonight."

She chuckles. "Then bring a water fountain to me because a bottle it's not gonna be enough, Donovan!"

My body makes the movement to leave the bed, when Lilith's band stops me by grabbing my hand. "Don't." She whispers, if it wasn't from our closeness, because of the music outside my ears wouldn't have understand it.

"Don't what, love?"

"Don't go." Her eyes are still closed, enabling me to see it she's meaning these words or just so out of it that she's saying whatever comes to mind.

"You don't want me to go?"

Lilith slowly shakes her head. "No... stay, Lucifer, with me."

My heart acts like a little teenager boy talking to his crush for the first time. Hearing those words coming out of her is like the safety wave of wind my chest needed to calm down and erase any sort of anxiety flying wild inside of me. It's just Lilith, and everything good she makes me feel; cold in a winter night, coffee at the bright hours of the morning and a run at midnight.

"I'll stay with you for as long you want me to." I find myself saying, giving her forehead a gentle kiss as she drops her head against the pillow.

Once my eyes focus on her face again, her sleeping body lays there beside me just as the clock tells me time hit midnight.

The growing tied nod in my chest becomes unbearable.

The "tomorrow" is now. The day I wish never comes, the one that makes me have sleepless nights as closer it gets, where every wound in me opens as if a bomb explodes in my chest. The fourteenth of June.

As of today, it becomes the eighth year without my dad, Angel.

...