DANSE MACABRE (Pt. 5)

"All you want... is access to my surveillance videos," the demon summarised, an amused lilt playing on his voice, "and after that, you only wish to know the meaning behind these strange occurrences and their connection to Devil's Night? That's it?"

Dark Link's hand drifted towards the hilt of his sword. The shade was accustomed to dubious dealings with less-than-savoury characters, but, Zalgo was a different breed of intimidating altogether. Every fibre of his presence oozed with an intoxicating sense of power; from the authority he conducted himself with, to the way he lounged luxuriously in his chair whilst still managing to appear menacing enough to make blood run cold.

There was no denying it – the prince of darkness knew how to maintain a strict sense of who was in charge here.

Jeff seemed particularly receptive to it – having dived into the nearest and only pedal bin available when Zalgo gave him a brief glance. Every so often, the killer would push the lid open a crack to breathe and peek out.

BEN, on the other hand, didn't seem to care. The blonde midget could currently be found sitting on top of said trashcan, slowly but surely nibbling his way through a wheel of swiss cheese that was almost as big as him, and riddled with more holes than a 'crazy' fanfiction written on the fly by some loony called Phantom.

It was no wonder Smirky had thrown the negotiations with this devil to Darkness at the first chance he got. Out of the corner of his eye, Dark Link could see the illusionist hanging around quietly against the farthest wall, hiding in the flickering shadows of the moonlight which streamed from the whirling exhaust fans, doing something strange with his hands, cupped against his mouth. Darkness looked on intently.

It was almost like he was... whispering into them?

"Ahem," Zalgo cleared his throat. "Is that it?"

Quite by chance, Smirky peeked over his hands. Their eyes met for a second. Dark Link smiled sheepishly and jerked his head back towards the demon.

"Er..." For a dreadful moment, he couldn't remember what had been asked of him. Then it hit him on the head. "Yes." Standing a little taller, releasing hold of his sword in favour of clasping his hands behind his back, he hoped his newfound bravery wouldn't desert him too quickly. Soulless shadow. I'm only a soulless shadow. "As soon as possible, if you please."

"'If you please,'" the demon mocked, turning his back on him for a moment to boot up the inactive monitor. While it powered up, he swivelled in his chair, head propped on hand, "Smirky, stop staring a hole through his back. Take note. I want you to be every bit as courteous to me as your friend over here. Can you do that?"

"I'm not so sure, My Lord."

"Waah!" Dark Link's shoulders shot up with an alarmed shiver as the illusionist's voice clipped over his ring-studded ear. Then Smirky stepped to a side from right behind him.

(behind him like a pale shadow come alive)

Unperturbed, Zalgo only switched the hand propping his head up for the other one.

"Why not?"

"Stirring sugar into poison won't make death any sweeter, my Lord. I daresay a spoonful of courtesy would- Oh, pardon me, Darkness," Smirky began innocently, though the way his eyes glittered with mischief as he glanced towards the startled shade spoke otherwise, "did the fact I was staring at you without your knowledge make you feel... uncomfortable?"

"I- um- yes- no, I mean, no."

Smirky inclined his head slightly. It was abundantly clear he wasn't buying it, but, going by the quirked eyebrow, he took amusement in the shade's fluster.

"If you two are done playing games," Zalgo growled, a tad more serious, tail flicking sharp as a whip against the chair. "There is something I must discuss with my servant in private. Oh, don't give me that face – I'm loading your precious footage, see?"

He gave a sweeping gesture towards the screen, which was stuck on a window full of some technical jargon about launching updates. Minus two out of fifty four, to be exact.

"I- uh- o... kay? Hey, you know that progress bar is going down to minus three, right? I don't think that's normal-"

Extinguishing the shade's words, Smirky sourly shoved Dark Link out of his line of sight.

"If you look too hard, it'll feel self-conscious and won't go up. I'd say the same applies for my brother as well, but never try never fail, I suppose. Off you go now."

Shaking his head in bewilderment, the last of his nerve going poof and leaving him in the dust, Dark Link left the two to confer amongst themselves all too eagerly, striding towards the furthest ally he could find: Smiley, extinguished jack-o-lantern sitting by his feet, who showed no signs of having heard his brother's not-so-subtle jab.

As he drew closer to the windows and fans, Dark Link decided the offensive odour of new carpet wasn't so bad. The area was well-ventilated, and cold. His eyes stopped watering, but his clothes rubbed a chill against his skin like a substance. Despite being surrounded by more friends than enemies, an awful fear seemed to stir from the depths of... somewhere. The place where his soul was supposed to be, maybe?

Then, suddenly as it came, it was gone.

His boots made a satisfying thud on the carpet as he came to a stop.

"Your brother is pretty creepy sometimes, you know that?" he chuckled, giving Smiley a playful nudge with his shoulder. "So, what do you think happened that made them replace this whole carpet? My money's on you-know-who-" (he discreetly jabbed a thumb at BEN, who was still happily munching his cheese), "-having something to do with... it..."

That was when the shade noticed Smiley wasn't listening to him.

Instead, the not-so-good doctor worried at the lock of hair that went against his sideswept dark bangs and across the bridge of his nose.

His sights were firmly set on one screen in particular, tilting his head back slightly to watch a live stream of L.J's room. It really looked as though a locomotive had ploughed through it. Twice.

Had they really been in there only a little while ago? Was there really a time when it hadn't looked like the site of a train wreck? Those were the thoughts running through Dark Link's mind when he dwelled on it, then worriedly checked back on Smiley.

The screen's monochromatic glow, which already made the peculiar colour of his eyes appear ten times brighter through contrast, softly illuminated the finer details of the not-so-good doctor's face as a crease appeared on his brow.

Dark Link followed his friend's line of sight towards the flat image of Laughing Jack's prized porcelain china doll; a doe-eyed beauty who boasted rosy cheeks, a bonnet framing her ringlets, an ornate parasol tucked under her arm, and a hand-sown dress made of fussy vintage lace. It had been perched on the shelf, relatively untouched the last time anyone had seen it, yet, now it was sitting on the overturned dresser, face turned in the direction of the camera's lens.

("it's haunted," Eyeless Jack wheezed, "I swear on my life – that doll he's keeping moves on its own; it sits on the dresser and watches me sleep.")

Didn't her head shatter when BEN screamed?

A sinister shiver stroked a finger down his spine and, judging by the way his shoulders seized, Smiley experienced the same. They simultaneously turned away from the doll's haunting porcelain face, met each other's gazes, and grimaced.

"If I may ask, my Lord, what will become of him if I should... fail, to locate him? Would it really be such a loss?" Smirky inquired.

Zalgo frowned at him.

"Worry more about what will become of you if you should fail to locate Kagekao, pet. I won't tolerate failure, even if it means saving that bumbling idiot from his own inner demons. Is that understood?"

"Perfectly, my Lord." Smirky's eyes flickered to were Dark Link and Smiley were. He noticed something was going on. "May I be excused?"

____

Neither the not-so-good doctor or the shade had the courage to turn around and see what they'd find of the doll on the screen. Or wouldn't find, as was the case when Smirky came over and questioned why they were cowering.

"You two look queasy. What's the matter? Afraid of the static?" he teased.

Smiley made the mistake of looking over his shoulder and reeled back, screaming, straight into his surprised brother. The doll's face took up most of the screen, as if she were staring right at them through the lens.

Dark Link took the scare a little better, but only barely, and even he lost it when the screen washed into static, and came back into focus with the doll sitting on the upturned bed, and a message in blood on the wall behind her.

I HER HIS VOHIS
WONT HIM BACK I WONT HIM BACK
HE SCREAMSING

"T-This isn't funny!" Smiley stammered, clinging onto Smirky with a whimper. "C-C-Cut it out! You know how I feel about dolls and- and cliché bloody writing!"

Under any other circumstance, the not-so-good doctor's childish behaviour would've been highly entertaining. But as it was, Dark Link had already jumped an impressive distance backwards and fallen flat on his rump in surprise.

(like a sinister cat, it circled him)

BEN, who couldn't see the screen but was reacting to everyone else's reactions, gave a piercing scream (the monitor cracked), and dove into the bin to join Jeff, who immediately went into survival fight or flight mode, as anybody would when confined in a small space with a screaming midget and cheese squished into their face. The holes present in the Swiss were the only thing that saved him from a gruesome, and rather pongy, death.

By contrast, Zalgo was hunched over the keyboard with his back turned to them all, locked in technical thought so deep it shielded him from all goings on in the outside world.

That, or he was intentionally ignoring them. As Dark Link surveyed the unfolding chaos in a dreamlike daze, he supposed it must've been the latter. Latter? Letter? Lather?

(unseen, but so close...)

He could barely remember how words worked over the sound of...

"HELP! HELP! OH SWEET MOTHER OF ZALGO, THIS CHEESE STINKS SO BAD!" Jeff sobbed, "I DON'T WANNA DIE THIS WAY!"

"There's nothing sweet about my mother, or my mother-in-law for that matter..." Zalgo muttered under his breath, sinking a little lower broodily.

"DEATH! I HEAR THE SYMPHONY OF DEATH! THE ANGELS ARE CALLING ME HOME!" wailed BEN.

"YOU'RE HIGH ON CHEESE FUMES, YOU CRAZY MIDGET!" screamed Jeff.

"WE'RE ALL CRAZY HERE! COWABUNGA!"

Blinking slowly, Dark Link dragged a hand through his hair in an effort to ground himself back in reality.

Hat. Where was his hat?

Blue carpet? Where was he?

Why was it so cold?

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them. He sought clarity in the chaos, and he found it; a strange moment of peace while BEN screamed his head off in the background and various things made of glass broke and shattered around them.

(unseen)

His ears perked up; aha! There it was, peeking from behind the pumpkin.

A hand emerged from the pale, milky shadows behind him, sheets of smoky vapour falling off its form like a pouring fog. Dark Link, oblivious, dove for his hat before either of the twins got a chance to step on it.

(the unseen)

The hand made a lunge for him. It missed, it dispersed like scattered steam, and Dark Link pulled his hat around the pumpkin to safety in a nick of time as Smirky put his foot down, completely focused on prying off his brother to no avail.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" the illusionist snarled, looking as equally disturbed as his brother, "I can't make illusions of other people, let alone a-a haunted child... doll... whatever that thing is. You know that. Or did you leave your brains back at the mansion along with your clothes? Now let go of me, you clingy bastard!"

Smiley's eyes widened, partially out of horror (LOGICAL EXPLANATION held no power over Devil's Night), and partially out of embarrassment as he realized that, underneath his coat, he was still wearing those happy bunny pyjamas. "R-Right. Sorry."

Casting a sheepish smile at his twin, Smiley withdrew himself as cautiously as a bomb technician might disarm an explosive and took several steps back to give him an appropriately wide berth.

Smirky made a point of dusting himself off throughly, muttering. It was hard to understand what he said under that rasp when he spoke so quietly, but one could make out a mention of 'Smiley germs' if they strained their ears a little.

Dark Link held back a chuckle, then whipped his head over his shoulder as metal clanged, followed by an ungraceful onslaught of gasping; the pedal bin had tipped over and, among the rubbish, out crawled Jeff, who was gulping in air like a man on the brink of drowning, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

BEN followed shortly thereafter, minus the cheese, casually walking off from the scene of the crime like nothing had happened. He even waved to Zalgo, who looked incredulous.

Mercifully, the view of Laughing Jack's room went black only seconds later. Shaking himself free of the stupidity, Zalgo cut the tension like a hot knife gliding through butter.

"It's done loading. Come over here."

No one budged for several awkward seconds. Then, determined to set a good example, Dark Link started walking. On the other hand, BEN and Jeff had no such ideals about bravery. They left the scene of the crime (the bin) in favour of hiding behind the shade's back, knees knocking together, taking turns chewing each other's nails. When Zalgo's soul-burning eyes lingered on them, they gasped and ducked.

"You should watch out," Zalgo remarked to no one in particular, strangely sinister, "Those two will drag you down. I'd be happy to take them off your hands, if you'd like."

"No, it's quite alright," replied Dark Link tensely, drawing the two cowardly creepypastas closer together so he could shield them behind his back, "They have some redeeming qualities that make them useful to us."

Hugging his legs, BEN and Jeff nodded enthusiastically.

"We just haven't figured out what those qualities are yet," the shade finished reasoning.

BEN and Jeff shook their heads in abject horror and crept backwards until they bumped into Smiley.

Perhaps sensing the rising tension in the room, both Smiley and Smirky happened to clear their throats in unison. It got everyone's attention, but it also got each other's. The twins looked at each other in surprise and dismay respectively.

"Don't copy me!" Smirky snapped.

"I wasn't!" Smiley protested, throwing his hands up in defence, backing away to give him an even wider berth than before, which put him nearly at the other end of the room.

Chuckling under his breath, Zalgo turned to the lifeless monitor.

His hand swept over the keyboard, clawed fingers dancing atop the keys with a subtle kind of familiarity, as though it was almost second nature to him.

The screen lit up. Multiple password prompts popped up. Long lines of asterisks filled them like a loading bar, the screen flashed green and went straight to a random camera, streaming black and white live footage with a timestamp of: 1:24 AM

Smirky pinched the bridge of his nose in secondhand embarrassment.

It appeared to be the private bathroom. The luxurious bathtub was overflowing with sparkling bubbles, and a steady stream of water gushed from the tap. A minion in a granny shower cap sat inside, scrubbing between its toes with a loofah, sloshing soapy water all over the designer rug.

A second minion, on a footstool nearby, was squirting the contents of a very expensive-looking shampoo bottle over its head, furiously working up a bubbly afro and goatee. Bits of foam flew everywhere, sticking to everything.

Finally, a third minion, facing away in the background, was causally towelling down its bare bottom with Zalgo's favourite bathrobe.

Smiley put a hand in front of BEN's eyes.

This continued rolling for much, much too long. It seemed there was a problem and Zalgo had ducked down to meddle with some wires. Off the chair, he crawled under and disappeared for a moment.

"Ah, I see. Just a loose plug. Now, let me just bring up-"

Zalgo finally raised his head from beneath the desk and saw what was playing onscreen

Dark Link had never seen a living creature's face go so pale before.

"Smirky..." the demon began slowly, horrified urgency soaking into his tone. "Please take care of this... ah... distraction at your own discretion."

A fourth minion, wrapped in a beach towel, waddled in. With a flourish, it discarded the towel, revealing a sky-blue bikini with two bulging coconut halves shoved down the front.

BEN cheekily tried to peek over Smiley's hand, only to have Dark Link's guillotine over it.

Zalgo looked mortified. "Now."

Nobody could understand how Smirky kept such a solemn and serious face as he nodded. No words. No bowing. No flicker of amusement behind the dead stare.

That is, until the illusion disappeared, and they all realized the real one had gone off someplace private to laugh himself silly about five minutes ago.

With an impressive amount of dignity, given the situation, Zalgo carried on as if nothing had happened. This also had the subtle air of being something he was quite used to.

The prince of darkness shrank the window and dragged it to a corner so that he could still monitor the minions-in-the-bathroom situation. Then, he clicked on a different file.

White text flashed at the bottom of the screen.

CAMERA: laugh&eye.jack/room4
7:56 – 8:00 PM
STATUS: LOADING . . . . .

Smiley and Dark Link lifted their hands from BEN, who innocently asked what all the fuss was about. They exchanged looks, shuddered in unison for the second time, and refused to answer him.

Zalgo span around in his chair, motioning the rest of them to come over.

"It's loaded." Then, humorously, "Viewer discretion is advised."

Smiley followed the example set by Dark Link, flanked closely by Jeff. All of them were uneasy being in such close proximity to the demon.

But their curiosity roared greater than their fear.

Little BEN ran between them, complaining that he couldn't see. Before anyone could stop him, the little elf climbed up Zalgo's leg and used the demon's lap as his own personal chair.

The prince of darkness didn't, as they anticipated, claw his face off. Instead, he started petting BEN's head, idly stroking his fine blonde hair like cat fur. His eyes were completely set on the screen. BEN, for some unfathomable reason, began to make purring noises.

(warning label: crazy is contagious)

Making the (not so very) heartbreaking decision to ignore it, the trio put their full focus on the monitor too. The footage began to play.

On came a bird's eye view of the room shared by Laughing Jack and Eyeless Jack, camera apparently hidden by some cobwebs. It was on night mode, allowing some degree of luminosity in the otherwise pitch black space.

It felt strange, seeing the room so tidy, knowing what a trainwreck it became later down the line. Flooded with a new curiosity, they leaned closer. This was a mistake.

Zalgo didn't mention anything about the jumpscare.

The child's mutilated face abruptly popped up by the window, lips curled inhumanly high in a horrifying grin as her throat flexed in a way that suggested movement. Singing? Though the video was soundless, Smiley gave a soft yelp and jumped a foot back when he saw her.

"Her dress – it's covered in mud!"

"That's all you think is wrong with this?" Jeff gawked, "Lemme point it out for you – she's got no face, she's glowing and, uh, oh yeah - she's got no f—king face!"

"No, no, no, you don't understand. It wasn't like that when we buried her!"

"Buried her?"

"I helped L.J bury her this morning in the forest." Smiley paused, "Or was it the day before?"

"Get to the point, doctor!"

"She-"

Laughing Jack's eyes flew open, but he didn't look in that direction. Instead, he turned the other way with an unhappy expression, up until the child's lips began moving again. All of a sudden, he shot up, unceremoniously swinging his feet over the edge.

It only got worse from there. Finding Eyeless Jack's bed to be empty, L.J went to the window and looked out, but the girl had already hidden. The rest was history, played back before their eyes.

When the cloaked figure and the children attacked, a strange static plunged the screen into a mess of flickering red. Zalgo exited from it, frowning.

"Huh. Odd."

In the tiny window on the upper left corner, the minions suddenly panicked and started running around in circles like headless chickens. Judging by how the door seemed to be vibrating, Smirky was trying the tactful knock-and-reason method first. It definitely wasn't working.

The demon paid it no heed. He went straight to the video file and attempted to replay it, but was met with an error message. His eyebrows shot up.

PLAYBACK ERROR: CORRUPTED FILE

"... This has never happened before."

"Here, let me try something."

Dark Link bravely leaned over his shoulder and took the mouse. While he and Zalgo fiddled with the video file, trying all sorts from virus scans to descrambling, the only way Smiley and Jeff could stop themselves from injuring someone out of frustration, was to watch the ongoing bathroom fiasco.

A minion, who had grabbed the stool and broken it in half, brandished a sharp piece of snapped wood at the door, which was being opened by the bikini one.

Smirky ducked in quick and steady, then did a double take when the minions rammed their wooden weapon into his stomach. He swerved unsteadily on his feet.

The other two, soap suds dripping from their bodies, raised the stool together and swung it at Smirky's unsuspecting head.

He crumpled to the ground in an instant and died a bloodless death.

Moving quickly, the minions hauled the corpse and dumped it into the tub, burying it in at least six feet of bubbles.

With the body hidden, the minions huddled in a circle, discussing alibis amongst themselves. Pity the camera had no sound. It would've been entertaining to say the least.

They didn't even notice the Smirky they'd 'killed' flickering like a faulty cinema projection inside the tub. Nor did they seem to realise the real Smirky was looming behind their turned backs, radiating malice from every pore.

A flawless, sharp-toothed smile.

The illusion vanished, and the minions never knew what hit them. Later, in the infirmary, they'd recall that it hit fast and it hit hard.

The floorboards underneath Smiley's feet shook, banged and rattled. By some unholy miracle, he didn't put two and two together right away. In his defence, he was much too preoccupied watching the screen. Neither did Jeff, though his reasons were... somewhat different.

"Have you tried turning it on and off?"

He had joined the bundle by the computer, offering to apply his wisdom to the situation. It didn't do much, but at least he meant well. Unlike BEN, who dropped the cat act and shoved Dark Link aside so he could start pushing buttons, assuring Zalgo that he was an expert when it came to glitches and errors.

"Stand back, buster! I know what I'm doing!"

"No, really I insist- no, no, don't touch that-!"

Shame, those greasy digits grooving on the silk-smooth keys. The keyboard was meant for delicate claw clicking, not mad button-mashing by a blonde midget high on cheese.

An accident seemed almost inevitable.

And so, an accident there was.

One slipped finger led to a false keystroke. A false keystroke led to an irreversibly deleted video file. An irreversibly deleted video file led to BEN being thrown at a wall by Zalgo and a dishevelled Dark Link.

"You idiot!" they fumed in unison.

The floorboards shook again. A minion's scream slipped through the cracks. Smiley actually lost his balance this time, and promptly toppled forwards into Jeff.

"Sorry, so sorry!"

In tunnel vision, Jeff saw only the giant, haunting, mocking faces of the bunnies which adorned the not-so-good doctor's nightshirt. Quite understandably, he freaked.

"THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME!"

He kneed Smiley in a place where no person, human or creepypasta, should be kneed. Just like the illusion had done, Smiley crumpled. But this time, there were sound effects.

And they weren't pretty.

Over the tidal wave of cussing and cursing, Jeff's turn came to blurt out an apology.

"I'm- I'm sorry! So, so sorry! I-I can fix this! I know a guy! He's my doctor; he's got this cabinet full of pain meds and-"

"I. Am. Your. Doctor!" Smiley snarled, curling up in the fetal position. His tear-blurred eyes glared something fierce.

Jeff looked floored.

"Oh."

Dark Link passed by, casually sweeping BEN out of sight. Where he'd even found a broom from in a room meant for spying was a question that begged to be asked, but no one wanted to answer.

Zalgo, face formerly buried in his hands at the sheer stupidity of it all, suddenly looked up. He seemed hopeful.

"I can't give you the full footage, but I can show you something else instead for that whiskey. A couple of clips from today, or rather, tonight. You'll find them most interesting, I imagine."

"PG-13?" Dark Link asked.

"Of course."

"Play them," he said, "before one of these idiots do something else destructive."

Still trying to shrug off the embarrassment from the footage being corrupt, the demon did as Dark Link said. In the upper screen, Smirky had left the minions tied up with dental floss inside the drained tub. Meanwhile, Smiley was half-writhing on the floor, clawing on Jeff's leg to try and drag the killer down to throttle him.

"LET ME KILL YOU!"

"Okay, but can we rebook this for Saturday? I kinda have a date with Belinda," cupping his hand to the side of his slit mouth as though he were giving away a big secret, Jeff whispered dreamily. "She's a butcher knife. Benjamin's Belligerent Butchery brand, nine inches of high-carbon-"

Growling, Smiley dived to punch him in the teeth, slice his tongue into ground meat, chew out his eyeballs, rip off his ears, reach down his throat to pull out his insides, or any other number of things from the host of unpleasant delights that were running through the not-so-good doctor's mind at the time.

(had he, too, been possessed by a demon of bloodlust?)
(no, just himself)

"If you don't mind," Zalgo interrupted, gingerly poking at the greasy keyboard keys with a single claw (Dark Link couldn't blame him), "I would prefer to show this to you before Smirky comes back. He won't appreciate knowing I was filming him."

The juicy prospect of finding out something his brother didn't want them to find out was enough to flip a peculiar switch that lured Smiley off of Jeff with no hard feelings. The killer threw his hands in the air and praised the ghosts of his knives for saving him.

CAMERA: outsideA
11-

Dark Link read no further than that, for BEN popped up out of nowhere, clinging onto the table like a cat who'd miscalculated their jump, only he was also eating more cheese.

"Ooh! Is it kinky?"

The shade crinkled his nose with an exclamation of disgust and pushed an open palm on his blonde head, pressing the cheese-eating midget, and the cheese, out of his sight.

After briefly checking where Smirky was in the lair via the second window (splashing water on his face in the kitchen, presumably trying to get rid of the bubbles and soap suds that had clung to him during his beatdown with the minions), Zalgo pressed play and leaned back, folding his hands behind his head leisurely.

Dark Link immediately recognised their front porch. By the look of it, the camera was mounted in the porch light. Clever. A few seconds in, something hazy and greyish passed by the lower right corner. Nothing jumped at them. Then, the front door opened just a little and Smirky slipped out, pumpkin in his hands and mysterious package tucked under arm, which they now knew to be whiskey snatched from the comfort of Slenderman's velvet-lined safe.

It was dark. A strange fog was seeping around his waist like water, but it was nothing compared to the swirling silent storm outside.

He turned around, mist whirled, and a flash of silver by his hands informed them the illusionist was locking up after himself.

Dark Link cocked an eyebrow.

He couldn't recall giving him the keys.

Then again, he hadn't.

When all was said and done, he would see to it that the illusionist was paid back in kind for his devious deeds, insults and thievery - that, or with a little bit of luck, he'd fall off the cliff on the way back. A shade could dream.

In the live feed, their Smirky had stopped to nibble bread by the open pantry. Minion clobbering was hungry work. Meanwhile, the grey haze poured back into view behind the monochrome Smirky of the past.

It seemed to be forming a shape of something hiding in the fog.

In a blink, it turned from a near-indistinguishable silhouette to a frightening imitation of flesh and blood; a woman wrapped in a shroud of fog who reached out. She walked her fingers up his spine, spiderlike. He shuddered and dropped almost everything.

The pumpkin thudded onto its side and rolled, flame trailing after, surviving by a sizzling drop of pure liquid luck, keys tumbling after. Even in his unnerved state, it seemed Smirky had the presence of mind to keep a tight hold on the all-important package when he whipped around to face her... it... whatever it was.

The mysterious woman leaned forward and tried to steal a kiss from him. He ducked and swerved out of her way. His lips were moving. The video was mute, but knowing Smirky, he was talking his way out of the situation with plenty of sugary syrup and a cherry on top.

She stepped back. Mist rushed around the spectre and swallowed her from sight. Smirky wasted no time hurriedly gathering the fallen items before he made his escape. Wrapped by the fade of the pale outdoors, his silhouette vanished as quick as an illusion.

"Her heart was missing," Smiley noted.

"Is she one of yours, then?" Zalgo asked, giving the whiskey bottle a quick kiss on the neck before stowing it away under his chair and moving forward to rewind.

The not-so-good doctor studied her intently. From the moment she emerged from the fog to the second she disappeared amongst its swirls, there wasn't a moment when her face could be seen clearly.

Had this strange being known that the camera was there?

"... I don't know. I don't think so. But she looks familiar."

Zalgo abruptly opened an inoffensive gif of a fluffy dachshund eating a banana over the video portion of the screen and started whistling inconspicuously. There was no cold draft or evil aura, but something about the shift told Dark Link that Smirky had just entered the room. A shift which certain pastas seemed to be oblivious to.

"Well, I'm going home!" Jeff announced, picking up the pumpkin. "If all I've gotta do is walk out the front door with this bad boy to get a chick who'll kiss me-"

BEN jumped onto the unlit pumpkin, gripping the rim for balance as he began vibrating with excitement. "Count me in!"

"Walk into a wall," Smirky said politely, coming up from behind. "That might work."

Jeff perked up. "You really think so?"

"I really do." Behind his back, the illusionist crossed his fingers.

It was Smiley's fast reflexes that stopped Jeff from rushing headfirst into the nearest wall. The not-so-good doctor grabbed a fistful of hoodie and yanked him back.

"Lemme go, lemme go!" Jeff whined, running in one spot like an idiot. "I wanna pick up hot girls!"

"The only thing you'll be picking up is a concussion!" the not-so-good doctor snapped, ducking as the pumpkin swung at him (BEN still inside, of course), "Or a brain haemorrhage, if you're half as stupid as I think you are!"

"But- but- if it worked for him," Jeff oh-so-helpfully pointed towards Smirky, "-then logically it should work for me! You know all about logic, don'tcha doc?"

Quizzical, Smirky put his hands in his pockets. "What on earth is he talking about?"

Smiley let go of Jeff and smiled nervously. The crazy killer went stumbling and faceplanted onto the floor, saving the pumpkin by holding it above his head. BEN clamoured out and stepped on his little somethingpathic brain on his way down, grumbling about wanting his money back.

"Well- well, you see..." the not-so-good doctor began hesitantly.

"On second thought, stop talking. Your voice is making me nauseous." Whirling around on heel to turn his back to him, Smirky addressed Dark Link instead. "What did I miss?"

"Not much," the shade admitted truthfully. "The file was corrupt. Then BEN deleted it by accident. Oh, and Smiley tried to murder Jeff. And- er- Zalgo's been looking at a dachshund eating a banana this whole time. How- how was the bread? Not that we were watching you eat, I mean, that would be just as ridiculous as watching you talk to a ghost!"

Smirky gave him a strange look, "... The bread was fine."

"Okay, good to know!" the shade beamed.

_____

Zalgo had closed the incriminating evidence and set up the next one. He just broadcasted it on the big screens and let it catch their eye. It was a spilt screen view of the kitchen, obviously taken from different angles on either side of the room, around half past ten in the night.

Smiley watched himself fixing the cups of hot chocolate. Humming. Obsessing over a speck of cocoa. Blissfully unaware of a dark-haired child who drew himself a chair and played with his knife, eyes fixated on the not-so-good doctor's every movement.

The door to the kitchen opened, and that was when things stopped making sense, for on Smiley's side of the camera the doorway was empty, yet, on the other, Smirky darted in and shut it behind him, kneeling to spy through the keyhole, paying no heed to his brother or the unsettling boy.

Smiley remembered the chill. He watched himself freeze, mugs in hand.

Smirky remembered the chill. He watched himself cross his arms to try keeping warm.

The mugs slipped through Smiley's grip and rolled on the counter. It was a spectacular mess. He swung around, and so did Smirky. They were facing each other. They should've seen each other.

Pots and pans swayed on the racks.

Even BEN was silent, tense, munching popcorn with the stealth of a black cat lunging for a crow in the dead of night. Where said popcorn had come from, no one knew.

The boy and Smiley began their ill-fated encounter. Smirky looked around the kitchen, eyes passing over the place they were without hesitation, and said something, loudly.

Show yourself!

The black and white image burst into screaming red static. It was coming from everywhere, filling every screen, bathing the room in a grotesque bloody glow. Smirky and Zalgo covered their ears, cringing. Smiley stepped backwards in horror. Dark Link felt dizzy with déjà vu.

"Turn it off!" someone was screaming. Jeff, maybe?

Hunching a shoulder against his ear, Zalgo reluctantly peeled away a hand to rip the monitor's plug from the socket; its screen was filled with the same static. The moment he touched it, sparks flew and it went up in smoke. Nothing happened.

"I'm guessing it wasn't like this before!" Dark Link yelled, face scrunched up in pain, hands pinning his covered ears close to his head.

"No - it wasn't!"

Flashes of violent images were phrasing wildly in and out of sight through the static on the screens. Smiley, dead on the floor, eyes full of terror, mouth flowing with bloody foam; Smirky digging his fingers down his throat.

The boy, looking intently at a bloodstained knife, red eyes wide.

A hulking mass of shadow took up half the screen, pulling Smirky onto his back with what appeared to be a talon. It slammed into him when he tried to rise. It spread, almost blacking out the red video, prepared to devour prey. The boy scooped a handful of shard and it turned back into a mug, and the terrible thing looming over Smirky reeled back like a dog being beaten by sticks.

Inspired by what he saw on telly, BEN ran forward and heroically lobbed the jack-o-lantern at the screen. It bounced off harmlessly. The static vanished, and the screen was just a normal screen. The pumpkin landed with a hollow thud, bruised, but otherwise whole.

The kitchen was completely normal, save for the illusionist lying spread-eagled on the floor. Smiley was sitting at the table, sipping hot chocolate from his ceramic mug while reading the paper's spooky story segment ("THE GRIM AND THE UNSEEN").

He didn't seem to realize his brother was there until he pulled up a chair and almost collapsed into it. The not-so-good doctor greeted him, and the video abruptly cut to black, spreading like a domino effect until the whole room was plunged into soft, sweet, dark silence.

A blackout. Without the ventilators, the carpet fumes were rising. For a time, no one uttered a word.

Smiley allowed himself to sink into a sitting position, coat trailing on the floor like white butterfly wings. He refused to go into shock.

"What was that?"

"Speak nothing of it," Zalgo said gravely, and nothing was more certain than the simple fact he knew exactly what had just happened. "Let me tell you about the inner demons."

"Inner... demons?"

"That boy you encountered in the kitchen tonight is, or was, connected to something unpleasant from your past, wasn't he?"

Smiley cast his eyes to the floor. "... Yes."

"He was a ghost from your memory. Something called from a deep regret. They all are."

"What about that strange shadow creature that attacked... my brother?" the not-so-good doctor questioned, rising back to his feet.

Zalgo fell silent. Moonlight kept him visible, but only just.

Then, finally, he spoke: "No. That was- no. Do not ask me any more. The last incident... please try to drop the subject from your minds. For your own sakes."

A minion dressed as a butler approached in long strides towards them, holding a gleaming silver platter. Being just an inch taller than BEN dampened the noble effect somewhat. As it drew closer, it knelt before Zalgo and presented him with a redheaded safety match made of wood.

The prince of darkness stared at it.

"You forgot to bring a candle, you imbecile!" he hissed exasperatedly, gesturing to the platter.

The minion raised a finger to say 'one moment!', and proceeded to root around its tailcoat pockets. After a time, it presented him with a birthday candle shaped like a rubber ducky.

Zalgo slapped the duck out of its hand, took the matches, and ordered the minion out of his sight. His tail curled menacingly as he moved back to rest his head in a propped hand. The butler walked out backwards even faster than it had come in walking the right way.

Smiley whispered to Smirky: "Will he kill us if the screens don't turn on again?"

"He would've done it by now regardless," the illusionist murmured, serious and thoughtful. "He's trying to pretend it didn't happen. Why, though? It's too obvious."

"I can hear you mumbling over there, Smirky," Zalgo warned.

Imitating the minion, Jeff dramatically fell to one knee and presented him BEN to light on fire. BEN waved. Intrigued by the idea, Zalgo straightened up in his seat with a little 'ooh'.

Dark Link promptly intervened and swapped the little elf for the jack-o-lantern.

Zalgo's wings and tail drooped in disappointment. Sighing, the demon reluctantly flicked the match's bulbous head to life with a simple wave in the air. Set aflame, the fire reflected soft pulses of orange onto the sleek surface of his claws.

He lit the stumpy candle within the lantern's heart.

Jack woke.

(eyes alight with dancing flame, he grinned)

Jeff carefully rose, cradling the pumpkin like a baby. The carpet fumes got to him, and he wheezed. He wasn't the only one who did. Smiley was having a full blown coughing fit, and BEN stumbled around dizzily, looking a little greener than usual.

Extinguishing the crackling flame by shaking the match, Zalgo cleared his throat.

"Shall we take this-" cough, "-downstairs?"

The fumes were getting worse. It burned.

Murmurs of agreement rose from all around. Smirky, who wouldn't talk while pinching his nose, nodded enthusiastically.

Dark Link, the only one attempting to do something about the situation by swinging the door back and forth in vain hope of flushing out the eye-watering chemical smell, gladly gave up and legged it back into the hall - gulping in great mouthfuls of clean air.

____

Somewhere in the labyrinthine layout of Zalgo's not-so-secret lair, there was a living room. Who would've guessed? It was a U-shaped affair, twin crimson couches separated by a sprawling Persian rug and a rich cherry wood coffee table, and an impressive T.V hanging on the wall between them. A couple of minions were having tea and biscuits, watching a news report about a mysterious gang of candy thieves looting every store in town, dressed as popular creepypastas.

As soon as Zalgo opened the door, they grabbed their saucers, teacups and biscuits clattering on them, and made a hasty escape.

Rolling his eyes, Smirky broke away from the group to give chase.

By the time he came walking back in, casually dusting bits of plaster and drywall off his shoulder, everyone had seated themselves appropriately. Smiley, Dark Link and Jeff were crowded on one end and Zalgo lounged on the opposite couch all by himself.

The top of BEN's head was visible behind the coffee table, staring at the blank T.V. L.J's carved jack-in-a-box sat by Smiley's feet.

Smirky perched on the arm of Zalgo's couch without a word. The demon gave him a little glance of acknowledgement. All of a sudden he was more alert, more focused, and when he spoke, he addressed the three 'pastas sitting opposite him with a stern expression.

"An old myth tells of the yellow light from lanterns attracting the souls of the dead. It was, in fact, the ordinary moonlight from an extraordinary moon, such as the one that rises tonight, drawing out phantoms of fears and regrets."

"I saw cats," Dark Link frowned, "Lots and lots of cats."

A bit of Zalgo's solemness fell away.

"Cats, really?" he snorted.

"Hundreds of them. Are you sure we didn't just experience a group hallucination? Something in the pumpkin pie, maybe?"

"These phantoms can be of anyone, or anything, living or dead, as long as your fear it," Zalgo fixed him a heavy sort of gaze, "What are you afraid of?"

"BEN. You, a little. Nothing else much."

"Try again."

The shade blushed a delicate lilac. "Certain cats."

"And admitting ridiculous fears," Smirky added gleefully.

"You wouldn't look so smug if it was you being stared at behind the glass by a hundred bug-eyed ghost kittens because you murdered their would-be grandfather-!"

Jeff patted Darkness on the shoulder. The shade shot Smirky a dirty look and sunk a little lower into the plump upholstery.

"As I was saying," began Zalgo, "these phantoms retain the personality of their intended. I suppose you would understand it better if I likened them to vengeful ghosts. The inner demons of a... well, a demon, are far stronger and more powerful than those of you ordinary people. Laughing Jack's were able to drag him to the lower realm."

(I'll see you in the lower realm, darling)

Smirky stirred uncomfortably. "My Lord, isn't it true that only the dead can enter the lower realm?"

"The dead, and us creepypastas, if the conditions are met. Why do you ask?"

He looked away. "Just wondering."

""Just wondering"? Bah. But, in any case, time passes incredibly slow in the lower realm. One day down there is merely an hour up here. I wouldn't bother rescuing him if I were you. His broken mind will be of little use. And, of course, your inner demons aren't the only thing to worry about down there. The realm itself will conjure things from your darkest nightmare to drain what's left of your life."

"Sounds lovely! Let's call it a day and go home now," Jeff said brightly.

"We have to try," Smiley said firmly.

"There's monsters," Zalgo said softly. "Worse than me. Much worse."

"I know you and L.J were, like, secretly best buds and all, but I really think we should listen to this guy," Jeff said desperately, gesturing to the demon. "I'll tape an ice cream cone to BEN's nose for you to fix every day, promise. You won't even notice the difference!"

"Ice cream?" squeaked BEN, looking over his shoulder hopefully.

"We still have to try," the not-so-good doctor persisted, unyielding.

"Jeff-" Dark Link whispered in the crazy killer's ear, "-I'll buy you that gold knife set you've been talking about if you come with us."

"So! The lower realm, huh? How do we get in?" Jeff inquired, cut smile wider than usual.

Zalgo spread his arms along the back of the couch and reclined his head, stretching with an over-exaggerated yawn.

After a full minute of silence, Smirky spoke for him.

"My Lord agreed he would show us the camera footage and tell us all those things in exchange for the whiskey," His voice grew bitter, "I asked if he would tell, not if he would help us save him. Where to draw the line between the two is... at his own discretion."

"It can't be!" Dark Link fumed, "That's deliberate misdirection. Our deal is void."

"The devil's in the details," Zalgo hummed, eyes closed, "Oh, but I did ask you, Dark Link, if that was all. Twice. You said yes. Our deal is perfectly valid."

"You won't help us," Smiley said quietly, "unless we make another one."

"That's the idea, yes," Zalgo agreed, "Go ahead. Make an offer."

"What do you want?"

"I'm always in want of test subjects for my research. Humans die too quickly. Creepypastas are best, but it's terribly hard to find an isolated specimen. Smirky was the last, but he's already involved in one experiment; I can't compromise the results by using him for another. Besides, he's too stubborn. I'd have to kill him first," the demon laughed.

Smirky took an immense amount of interest in his shoes, and the carpet, and the polished floor, and the cabriole legs of the coffee table.

"Get to the point," Smiley said through gritted teeth. "What do you want from us?"

Zalgo gave an unpleasant smile. "I want Dark Link. Give him to me, and I will help you in your hunt for Laughing Jack. Throw in BEN and I'll accompany you to the lower realm myself. Those are my terms."

"No way-"

"I'll do it." Looking between Smiley and Zalgo, Dark Link's voice was hard as iron and just as cold, "If I must."

"Very well, then," Zalgo said, his smirk growing, "If that is all, let it be-"

"I won't let you do that, my Lord."

The demon cracked open an eye. Noticing the intensity of Smirky's crimson stare, he wiped the arrogance off his face and sat up straight in an instant, twisting around to lean in closely.

"Those are bold words, pet."

Smirky's voice was unwavering. "Show us the way to get in and out of the lower realm, or I'm handing in my letter of resignation."

Zalgo narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

The illusionist copied his action. Sitting on the arm of the sofa, he met Zalgo's eye level perfectly when he brought his face only an inch away from his master's. It was a staring contest, and neither of them were blinking.

"Try me."

"I'll kill you."

"And compromise the results of your only successful experiment?" Smirky chuckled hoarsely. His fingers dug deep into the upholstery, "I'd love to see you try."

The demon clenched his teeth. His tail cut a long slice into the couch cushion, stuffing spilling out between thin links of frayed red thread like a great swollen cotton tongue. Zalgo started to growl.

"Fine!" he snarled, "Fine! Keep your bargaining chips. I'll tell you how to get there without one. But I'm warning you, without my help-"

"We'll manage," Smirky said evenly.

For once, Dark Link thought he might welcome the chill. The room was becoming hotter, as though Zalgo's anger had escaped into open air. It wasn't a pleasant heat, like the kind found under a thick blanket in the wintertime or in the fur of a clingy pet. It twisted on his skin like a fur coat in summer, made him feel short of breath and a little lightheaded.

"My Lord."

Zalgo sighed and sunk low in his seat, simmering. The temperature dropped, and the sweat nearly froze to their skin.

"The entrance to the lower realm is a doorway said to be hidden in a crypt somewhere in Greece. However-"

"Greece?" Jeff said shrilly, "the knives'll be all sold out by- I mean- we'll never find in time!"

"I know. Will you let me finish?" Zalgo said irritably, "However, I found it before Slenderman got a chance to and had my minions carefully transport it to this lair on a chunk of wall. The staircase is under a trapdoor in the cellar. Smirky knows the one. Go down, walk through the door, and voila. You're in the lower realm."

In a blink of an eye (and a swirl of tail), he went from sitting on the couch to holding the door wide open for them. "Bye, bye, off you go now!"

Smiley took one look at the demon's cheerful face and crossed his arms.

"What's the catch?"

"There's no catch," Zalgo smiled.

Smirky cleared his throat and mimicked writing with his palm as paper.

"There's a catch," Zalgo sighed, "The portal only opens on the day humans call Devil's Night. If you're not out by the time it's over, you'll be stranded in the lower realm until next year, but you'll be a pile of decaying bones by then. Did I mention one day over there is one hour over here?"

Jeff, BEN and Dark Link were already out. Smiley hesitated in the doorway.

"Devil's Night is already over. It's past twelve o'clock."

Zalgo gave a sinister laugh; bubbling, unnerving, a sound you'd never want to hear after dark. It was the devil in him, a fragmented reminder that, although he wore a human skin, the creature underneath was anything but.

When he stopped, he said, "The numbers on the clock were created by humans as means of keeping track of time. They decided night ended in the middle of dark, and day finishes when the sun is at its highest. Yet, you and I, we aren't like them. We are allies of the dark. We know it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. They celebrated Devil's Night with mischief and arson. We fear it. Have you stopped fearing it because their numbers tell you it should be over? No? Well, that's because..."

He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Devil's Night isn't over until the sun comes up."

Happy Halloween!