tragedy

ACE'S POV

I was once blinded by the lights. I was blinded with a fake affection. Kasalanan ko rin naman kasi 'yun kasi ako itong tatanga-tanga at naniniwala sa isang fairytale love story, but can you blame me? Lahat naman 'atang tao ay gustong sumaya at iyon lang ang munti kong kasiyahan noon, ang maniwala na may magmamahal sa akin na ako lang at wala ng iba pa. Walang kahati.

Walang Stephanie, at ako lang. Sana ako na lang. Sana kami na lang ng anak ko. Kami na lang sana ni Joxiah. Kaya ko naman ang bigyan siya ng anak, nagawa ko na nga eh, minahal ko rin si Lance sa paraan na alam ko. Kaya nga lang ay naging gahaman ako sa pag-ibig na 'yun at 'di ko man lang namalayan na nasa akin ang ptoblema. I was the problem, my attitude and incapability.

Umiiling akong natatawa sa mga iniisip. Habang nakatingin sa malalaking billboard screen na may mukha ni Lance ay hindi ko mapigilan ang mamangha. Hindi ko dapat pinagsisihan ang nakaraan dahil kung hindi nangyari ang mga pangyayaring 'yun ay baka walang ganitong Lance at Ace. It helped us grow in our separate ways. I am happy with my career as a supermodel, and I have a lovely Joxiah in my life, what's more to be asked for? And looking at the gargantuan photos of Lance, I believe he himself is very successful now.

With the busy streets, beside this gutter area, I am standing staring up to someone I once loved. Isang beses lang akong binigyan ng pagkakataon na magmahal pero dalawang beses naman niya akong nasaktan. Iba rin si Lance eh, pang prologue at epilogue ang sakitan.

"Ace, pasensiya na talaga sa abala, hindi ko alam kung ano ang naging problema sa makina dahil kanina ay gumagana pa naman ito ng maayos." Binalingan ko si Manuel na halatang naiinitan dahil sa mga pawis niya.

"Okay lang po, the next time ay i-double check natin dahil makakaabala talaga ang ganitong pangyayari."

Binaling ko ang atensiyon sa kakaparadang sasakyan sa unahan ng naka-parking kong sasakyan.

"Mauuna na po muna ako dahil nandidito na si Miles. Siya na lang muna ang maghahatid sa'kin." Naglakad ako malapit sa sasakyan at ngumiti kay Miles na nasa driver's seat. Lumibot ako sa passenger seat at binuksan ang pintuan at maingat na pumasok.

"Thank you talaga Miles ah. I owe you for this. Hindi ko lang talaga ine-expect na masisiraan ako papunta sa kompanya."

Dinah called me for some documents kaya I volunteered na ako na ang kukuha since nalaman ko rin na nasa conference party na siya together with Dad, less hassle na rin. Through the years I realized that helping people in little things may mean big to them.

Papunta sa kompanya ay sa hindi ko alam na rason ay nasiraan kami ng sasakyan. I insisted on renting a cab papunta sa party but Manuel, my driver won't let me dahil sa baka mapahamak ako at mahigpit na bilin ng Daddy na hindi ako hahayaang sumama sa iba without my guards or driver. Left with no choice ay tinawagan ko si Miles to fetch me.

"Aysus ano kaba Ace. Parang wala naman tayong pinagsamahan at tsaka I'm your secretary since ever kaya kasali na 'yan sa job description ko." Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya.

Miles is one of those people na hindi ako tinalikuran when I needed a shoulder to lend on. I can still remember her efforts on making me calm kapag nagha-hyperventilate ako. She was one of the people who made an effort when the world turns its back on me.

A long silenced passed but it's comfortable anyways.

"What happened to you and... Junjie by the way?"

I was hesitant to question her since alam kong lagpas na ako sa linya and masiyadong personal na ang tanong ko pero I won't lie, I'm just curious and I want to confirm something since I came back here in the Philippines. I know the topic is awkward kaya babawiin ko na sana after a moment but she answered me nevertheless.

"We broke up. Walang naging problema, and walang anumang dapat katakotan but we have to. Sometimes things are better left dahil may ibang bagay pa na mas mahalaga pa sa pagmamahalan." I regretted asking her. Though she threw me an assuring smile ay hindi ako nakumbinsi dito.

I disconnected myself to my past life and parte na doon 'yung mga taong nakasama ko, some of my friends and colleagues. When I came back, I thought some things improved and yes it did but some of it worsened and changed. I was shock when I heard from Paul na hindi na raw bachelor ang isa sa mga kaibigan namin na si Junjie and he's already married. So my mind was full of questions and it seems ay nasagot na ito.

"Pasensiya na at hindi masiyadong komportable ang sasakyan ko. Old model na kasi, that's why." Napatingin ako sa sasakyan when Miles said that. It's actually comfortable to sit at. It's small but it has this comfy vibe in it.

"Nah. Between my luxury cars and this, I would gladly take this for a trip. Hindi rin naman kasi sa laki at gara ng mga bagay nasusukat ang ganda nito kung hindi ay sa ano ang gamit at halaga nito sa atin."

I made a note in my head to buy Miles a car these coming days. Friendship and loyalty gift ko na rin sa kaniya.

"Well, totoo nga naman 'yun." Tumango siya and so did I.

Mga naglalakihang puno ang binabaybay namin. Hacienda kasi. From the car ay nakikita ko na ang malaking mansion na gaganapan ng conference meeting and hindi ko mapigilang mamangha sa laki at ganda ng disenyo nito. It gives you that Victorian Palace vibe though the luxury cars and men in black around the area contrasted it. Hindi na pumasok si Miles dahil sa hinatid lang daw niya talaga ako. We bid our farewells when I was finished reminding her with speed limits and safety.

Inayos ko muna ang pagkakatayo ko sa harapan ng bulwagan bago binigay ang imbitasyon ko sa mga taong naka asinado para dito. I also excused myself and pumunta muna sa restroom para mag retouch dahil sa mukhang na haggard ako sa stress na dinulot sa nasirang sinasakyan kanina. 

I observed myself at the mirror's reflection and hindi mapigilang mamangha sa sariling angking kagandahan. Yes, dapat ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ay dapat alam mo na maganda ka. No one will look up and love yourself kundi ikaw lang rin sa hulihan. You should always appreciate what you have.

My face matured lalo pa't nag evolve na ang since of fashion ko when it comes to my make-ups. When I was on States, mostly ay ako lang ang gumagawa ng sariling kolorete sa mukha kaya nabawas-bawasan ang pagka bratinela ko doon lalo pa't sariling sikap na lang. But as of these days ay nakabalik na ang team ko, leaded by Dinah na siya ring gumagawa na ng mga fashion etiquettes ko for the past weeks of my stay in here.

My doe eyes were covered with black eye shadow and my long lashes were enough to give me that fierce look. I wore a red matt lipstick that highlighted my pouty and thin lips. I'm a fan of jewelries so I'm wearing the black diamond set dad gifted me on my last birthday. I am wearing an all white Versace satin dress na open ang hiwa sa gilid ng mga hita ko. What I love about this dress is when I walk the fabric also glides with my every step. I paired the dress with a silver Chanel stiletto and silver purse and all in all ay I'm ready for the battle. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a transgender, it's just that I love wearing feminine clothing to match my androgynous face and body.

I opened the door and napataas ang kilay when a particular bitch came out from the other door of women's restroom. She was busy spraying a cheap perfume on herself and mukhang hindi ako napansin na nasa dalawang metro ang layo sa kaniya. I find her actions a show-off. The way she sprays herself with the perfume ay parang sinasadya niya talaga ang makita ng iba ang mamahalin niyang pabango.

So as the bitch I am, I faked a cough and iwinasiwas ang kaliwa kung kamay sa mukha ko as if nababahuan sa amoy in a maarte way. That seems to get her attention. Gusto kong matawa sa reaksiyon niya. She looks like a gaping eel out in the water. Cheap!

"Stephanie. It's nice seeing you here. But honey, would you mind throwing that thing kasi ang sangsang eh." I smiled sweetly to furthermore irritate her.

I don't know what has gotten unto me but the moment I saw her cheap face ay gusto kung makabawi sa mga pinagsasabi ng babaeng to noon. Because of her words I was stuck on a dimension where in I need to fight my growing insecurities. Dahil sa babaeng to at sa lalaking kalingkis niya na hayop ay namatay ako ng paulit-ulit.

"How dare you?! This is a limited edition!" She squealed.

"Tsk. Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago Stephanie, still no class no? You know what? I have a friend who tutors etiquette and manners, want me to recommend you?"

It's funny on how the world seems to be so small between me and this psycho. It seems we are destined to fight and para magsabunutan but no, na-uh. I am decent and I have class and manners than her so I won't stop my level on a cockroach.

"How dare you?! Sino ka ba sa inaakala mo ha? Hindi porke't nalamangan moko in terms of our profession ay mas mataas ka na sa akin! You're still that dump hole na pinaglaruan and ginamit for someone's gain! Look at me, a woman and can give the man we both love the family he dreams."

I skid my left hand on my perfectly combed shoulder length hair bago tumawa sa statements niya.

"Pfftt. HAHAHAHA! I'm sorry? We both love? It seems ilusyonada ka pa rin! Well hoes don't change so it's no wonder at all. But dear, you're greatly mistaken. Let me correct you, eh? I do not love that conceited jerk. You claim that I'm a dump hole but it seems you're being a hypocrite yourself. In between the two of us, You. Are. The. Dumphole. Alam mo kung bakit? Dahil sa ikaw ang mahilig kumuha at kumain sa mga basurang pinagsawaan at ginamit na. I pity you, Stephanie."

Hindi ko na siya binigyan ng pagkakataon pang makakomento pabalik at nagsimula ng maglakad palayo sa kinatatayuan namin. Good thing ay walang ibang tao ang nasagi sa bandang lugar namin kanina. A famous supermodel like me don't have time for any lowly bitch like her.

But it seems hindi marunong tumigil ang babaeng 'to. Tsk. Wala talagang class kahit kailan.

"How dare you!" Napapikit ako sa matinis na boses ng babaeng linta na ito. Can't she quit already?! Sinasagad niya talaga ang kabaitan ko!

I can see some of the fine and elite ladies are watching already. As what I've said, I pity this so called woman. I gave the audience an apologetic eyes and hinarap ang babaeng eskandalosa.

"I'm sorry, miss? But do you have any problem with me? You're causing a scene." I paused and tumingin sa paligid feigning innocence.

"I'm sorry for this but I think she's just mentally unstable." Sabi ko na ikinatawa ng mga bratinela na nandidito sa hallway. I can hear Stephanie's gasp as if she couldn't believe what she heard. Well, she needs to take it. After all, I was defining her. How much more kung objectified? Baka iiyak na'to.

She loosened her grip when the elite women around us started to insult her behavior and mannerisms so I gladly take the chance to escape from her grip.

I move closer to her and whispers "learn to know your battleground, Stephanie. And please, just please, mahiya ka asal kalye mong pananalita. Learn some class first, before coercing an exuberant goddess like me."

Gigil na gigil ang mga mata niya ng tingnan ko ito and how I love to see her in her extent frustration. Pagka-irita pa lang yang nararamdaman mo, Stephanie. Malayong-malayo yan sa sakit na dinanas ko sa inyong mga kamay.

My words may be lethal but the scars that they put in my body were permanent. She raised her hands na as if sasampalin na ako sa galit when a hand gripped it before maka-abot sa mukha ko. I stepped away from the man who stops this whore's hand.

Oh bakit pinigilan mo, Lance? Diba diyan naman kayo magaling? Ang saktan ako?! The two of you is a bad omen in my life! I so badly want to scream that to them. I want to scream the pain inside me! Gusto kung makawala sa bitag ng sakit at bangungot ng nakaraan! Kasi every time na makikita ko sila, the wounds that was mended bleeds again and again. It always ends as me being thrown in the pit of hell because of this two! Pero not this time, dahil sisiguraduhin kung isasama ko silang matupok sa sariling apoy na ginawa nila.

Napataas ang kilay ko when instead na daluhan ng demonyo si Satana ay ibinalikwas niya ito papalayo sa kaniya. Oh, what now? Is this a romantic tragedy film I'm at now? Bakit may galitan na nagaganap sa eksena? Ha! How amazingly stupid!

I started walking away from the scenario because I can't stand the heat and emotions that were swarming in those demons eyes. I don't believe it. I refused to believe in it. Hinding-hindi ako maniniwala sa mga paawa effect na ganun, sa mga sincere and deep stare kuno, dahil I stop caring when they broke the door of my soul. I don't want him to break the window of my soul also. May anak pa ako, I don't want him alone in his dark moments just because I became numb from all the pain. No. I won't let that happen to my son.

"Brat!"

Narinig ko ang tawag niya sa akin ng nakakarinding pangalan na yan. Hindi ko na sila binigyang pansin pa at diretsong naglakad. The more closer I am in them, the more heated my head becomes and wala sa plano ko ang mag-eskandalo dito.

"Hey, listen. Damn. Stop!" No, Ace. Head straight and we'll show him that we're not the same Ace he knows.

Napaigik ako when he grabbed my hand forcefully stopping me from walking and doon ay tumama ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya. I was on heaved when I looked at his nakatabingi na mukha. The skin of his face shows the mark of my hands at kulang pa yan! Kulang na kulang!

This is why I hate myself when I'm angry, I can't control my eagerness in inflicting pain to my enemies.

"I told you to stop. I said stop. Tama na. Wala akong kailangan ibigay sa'yo. At kailanman ay hindi kung hihilingin na makakasama ka ever again. And mind you, Zapanta, wala kang anak sa'kin. Akin lang ang anak ko!" I whispered yell the last statement I said.

"Sino ka sa inaakala mo para sampalin ang boyfriend ko?! I will skin you-- AHH!! OUCH! A-ARAY!" Her statements were cut off by a hand.

Ganid ako sa galit pero hindi ko aasahang sasakalin ni Lance ang kaniyang malanding babae. I'm may be in the influence of pain, on the verge of lashing but I wasn't expecting this. I still am a human and I pity how Stephanie begs for her lifeline, on how she scratches the hand that is cutting her day of the life.

But no, between them, naisip kung wala na akong pakialam sa kanila. I'm not someone who's part in their lives, noon siguro, but now, hindi na. Tumigil na ako sa pagiging mabait when the world exchanged my kindness with pain and loathe. So I stepped away from them.

Wala na akong pakialam kahit na magpatayan pa silang dalawa.