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ACE'S POV

I wonder life may be if I haven't met Lance. Will it be the same with what I am feeling right now? I always believe that situations are counted because we draw feelings and memories from it, kaya ito naging mahahalaga at nakakatakot at the same time. Somehow, we are always drawn into the idea that we met people be it by coincident or planned.

As a modern person who's part and labeled differently in our society, love is a word that comes with doubt, fear, and based from what I've heard, pain. I just feel like I am expected to do great so I can be accepted. Have you felt that, the feeling of void and invalidation because people see you as "gay" and not as a person? That hurts.

I was not the best when I started; I was subjected to hate and discrimination when I was starting to model. Without my family's name, I was sexually molested; old men come and freely touched me and I wasn't able to tell it anybody because I was scared, again. I am always scared and it was fine. It is always fine to be scared. Na-realize ko na kasabay ng ating tuwa at kasiyahan ay may halong takot at pangamba.

"LANCE CLITON MILONNEL ZAPANTA!" I shouted as I opened the paper bag, which I must say na sa looks palang ay alam ko na and of course na confirmed ko nga.

I saw his heaving physique na halatang tumakbo papunta sa loob ng kwarto. When he saw me raising the shopping bags in the air ay kumalma at may nakakalokong ngiti ang pumalit sa pagmumukha ng loko-loko.

"What's up, brat?" Kampanting sagot niya na ikina-irita ko pa ng todo.

Bwisit 'tong gagong 'to, all I ever did was stay in his penthouse! Hindi ba naman ako payagang mag shopping and to do some errands like, search anything interesting!

"YOU ASSH*LE, ANG SABI KO BILHAN MO AKO NG OVERCOAT, AND NOT MOTHERFUCKING LINGERIE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs and pinagbabato siya ng mga nabili niyang damit.

Tinawanan lang ako ng gago and inalis sa pagkakatabon ang lingerie sa gwapo niyang pagmumukha, and don't get me started pero he looks so hot laughing at my reactions. Of course ginawa niya 'to para inisin ako.

"Why? You said you're ready to bare my child, kaya binilhan na kita ng susuotin. Fuck, naiisip ko pa lang tinitigasan na ako. Come here, brat at paamuhin mo ang friend mo." Diring-diri ako sa mga sinabi ng gago!

"You piece of sh*t! That was a joke! Motherfucking pervert! Lumayas ka sa kwarto ko at baka malaspag ako sa'yo! Get out!"

Of course, knowing Lance, he didn't follow what I just said instead ay kabaliktaran ang ginawa niya.

He hugged me from the back and after a moment ay kumalma na rin ako sa kakapumiglas. This man won't quit on getting me pissed. I can feel his whole hardness in my back, those muscles, and his natural mask was enough to calm me down.

"You're hard, jerk. Let go already," I voiced out.

"Damn, you're turning shameless, brat. Should I take responsibility for that, huh?"

"Pinagsasabi mo."

"Pfft. HAHA!"

"Alam mo Lance, maaga pa and kay gandang umaga para sirain mo kaya umalis ka na sa kwarto ko. Dali! Shoo!" Pangtataboy ko sa kaniya.

"Sus, nakita mo pa nga lang ako kanina ay alam ko na buo na ang araw mo."

"Pfft. HAHA! LUH ASA!" I rolled my eyes at him. Gago, umaasa but yeah, he was right.

Lance is my sugar treat na ayaw kung mawala, he makes my day.

"Hoi, I noticed you ogling me when I was sleeping, Ace." He can make my day, but damn, ang lakas din ng trip nito kaya ayon nasisira rin niya araw ko.

"Ughh! Every time talo ako sa conversation natin! Ewan ko sa'yo at maghahanap na lang ako ng ibang lalaki na ibe-baby ako! Buti pa si Deib Lohr." Sinadya ko talaga na hinaan ang boses ko para sa hulihan at umaktong kinikilig kasi alam kung mabe-bwesit rin 'to.

"Who the fuck is Deib Lohr, I've heard Ken and Rei arguing the same person don't you fucking tell me you're playing with another man behind my back!"

"Si Deib, he's my boyfriend, my fiancée, my asawa!" Tumalon-talon ako while imagining my husband, Deib Lohr Enrile! Kyahhh pumila na ako kaya unahan na'to!

I can see Lance's panga na umiigting dahil sa galit. #UmiigtingAngPanga - check!

I can see his eyes turning darker as seconds passed by. #HayopNaTingin - check!

Hinablot niya ako at pinahiga kaya napa igik nalang ako ng bigla niya akong paubabawan.

Oh my God, joke lang ang mga sinabi ko, bakit nagalit 'to?

"First fucking of all, you are not allowed to tell me what to do with our room. Second, I'll buy anything that I think what my brat will look perfect at. Third, don't fucking play games with me, brat. I know who the hell, Deib Lohr Enrile-Moon is. I'm one of the shareholders in that application."

Oh, kung ganun man din ay bakit nakapaka overreacting naman yata ng kumag na'to?

"E-eh? Then why are you acting that way?" Utal-utal kung tanong sa kaniya.

I want to erase that furrowed brows and dark look he is giving me by caressing his face but he has my wrist locked with both his hands.

"Am I not enough, Ace?" Seryoso pa ring tanong niya.

Inspite of the situation, I smiled while gazing the perfect face of a man I adore and love. Enough, he should not be asking those question, he's more than enough. He's perfect.

"Let go of my hands, Lance." I softly instructed,

"P*ta! Bakit ba nililiko mo ang katanungan ha?! Can't you just answer the damn question?!" His veins are ready to popped, and his face is all read out of frustration.

"Sabi ko bitawan mo ako, Lance." He didn't ngunit ay isinubsob niya lang ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.

Then and there, I heard his curses and all the bad things he kept in for himself but the last part that was sealed with a tear na dumausdos sa leeg ko ang nagpasabog ng mundo ko.

"I fucking love you, Ace!"

Not because na badtrip ako, no, not this time.

"I love you that it hurts knowing that my feelings are all unrequited. Masama akong tao and I don't deserve the love of an angel like you, but damn, I never thought it would be this painful. Every time na magsasabi ka ng mga ganiyan, about other men, it breaks my heart knowing that I am not like them. The perfect man you dreamed."

I'm dumbfounded! I don't know how to react! Should I kiss him? Should I also say how much I love him?

What should I do?

Before I could do anything, his grip loosened and slowly his warmth above me faded.

Pagtayo ko pa lang ay ang mismong paglabas niya sa pintuan.

Am I too late? I stared at the closed door he exited. I stared at it habang kuyom ang kamao na pino-proseso ang mga salita na nanggaling mismo sa kaniya. Lance loves me just as I love him. There's no unrequited feeling for us both dahil pareho kami ng nararamdaman. He loves me, and I love him.

Damn, the man I am marrying loves me just as I love him!

I drew a mouthful breath at pinakalma ang ssitema ko, that was unexpected. Naubos yata ang lakas ko sa mga sinabi niya, all my life I haven't experiences this kind of feeling, ewan ko, I can't put it in words. It seems words are not enough to describe what I'm feeling the most.

"The asshole that broke my heart back then falls in love... to me."

Nanginginig ang kamay kong niyakap ang sarili, I want to cry. But with what reason, because Lance loves me or because of the idea that the man I love confessed but suddenly leave me all alone. Did he realize that I am no special after all, or sadyang hindi niya nagugustohan ang pakiramdam na mahal niya ang isang bakla.

Ayaw ko ng masaktan ulit. At wala akong ibang maisip kundi ang sumugal. I need to gamble my feelings, dahil kung nasasaktan siya ay nasasktan din naman ako. Pareho lang kmai ng nararamdaman at pakiramdam ko ay ito na ang tamang panahon. The right time for me to finally let go of this doubts in my heart.

I need to let go of this doubt in order for me to love fully.