14 | carrot cake
We came out of the Chinese bakery, the rain pattering down in a line, heavy and angry. I had a paper bag of three custard tarts, one of which I was currently nibbling on. Jonny sighed and stared at the sky, muttering something about how he should have bought an umbrella.
'We can wait, granddad,' I smiled. People were walking past in their party-gear, getting soaked to the bone, the wind attacking them and pushing their bodies in different directions as though they were marionettes.
Jonny rolled his eyes and reached across to chuck my chin with a finger. We waited for a while underneath the awning before he decided that he couldn't take it anymore. The central line wasn't running, so no doubt it was going to be even busier on the tube. Huddled beneath his coat, we ventured into the crowded streets, drunken and mad people surrounded us as though we were the only sane ones in a zombie apocalypse. Rowdy voices behind us. Two young women repeating the same sentences over and over. She's a cow. She's a cow. She's a cow. Jonny didn't really speak to me - I guess he was thinking. I wasn't the type of person who cared too much about long silences; they didn't bother me.
I wondered what would happen when we reached the station. Would we part ways and get on with our lives and continue to be friends? I knew that he liked me, but I guess I was waiting for a sign or something.
The station was crowded when we arrived. People everywhere. Women tottering in their heels and the feeling of being trapped in a tiny cage. I told Jonny that I needed to top up my Oyster and he accompanied me as I waited in line. A tube worker was helping an old woman with her ticket purchase. I glanced at the big clock on the wall: it was 10:32 at night. I'd texted my mother earlier that afternoon that I was going to be home later tonight as I was going out with friends. She didn't need to know that I was on a date.
'You're so quiet, Jonny.' I nudged him. 'Don't you like me anymore?'
That caught his attention, and he awoke out of his pensiveness. 'I've had a long day.'
'Someone wants his beddy-bye-time.' I released an exhausted yawn of my own. Jonny wrapped his arms around me and I found myself going along with it. We'd hugged before plenty of times, but somehow this was more intimate and tighter. His cologne was a tantalising mixture of leather and sandalwood. Eyes closed, Jonny's scent reminded me of being swept up in a forest, crackling fire out in the open, the tentative approach of an animal approaching the clearing. All was silent, except for the rapid beating of my heart which I was trying to ease. I enjoyed the feel of his body against mine. His shirt was sodden and I was comforted to hear his own heart beating against my cheek like the sound of a clock, always constant.
'Yeah, I do,' he said, 'we both do.'
'Are you doing anything fun over the weekend?'
'Nope.' His hand rubbed a lazy circle around my back, easing the aches and pains from my spine.
'Although, I'm going to help my uncle out with his allotment on Sunday.'
'You mean, gardening, right?' I mumbled.
'Right. I didn't want to go but Uncle Ernie said he'd give me free fruit and veg, so I wasn't going to refuse. Better than supermarket ones.'
'So are you saying that if I gave you free vegetables than you'd do anything I wanted?'
I heard his laughter. Then I followed him as we both shuffled towards the top of the line as people finished with the machine. 'Sure. If it was carrot cake maybe.'
'You like my carrot cake?'
'I do.' His warm fingers began to stroke my hair. 'Best carrot cake in the world.'
'That's one way to get into my good books.'
'I'm hoping that you'll want to go out on another date with me,' he said.
I nodded, but then when I realised he couldn't see me because I was smushed up against him, I spoke up, 'Sure, why not?'
At my words, I felt his whole body loosen up as though he'd been worried about my response. He was so warm and genuine; there hadn't been anything to worry about. His behaviour endeared me to him all the more; we struck a good balance. He was extroverted enough to make me want to try different things, but at the same time, he wasn't too crazy. He wasn't a showboat. He didn't pressurise me into doing anything I didn't want to do, but his positive attitude was enough to persuade me to join him in whatever activity he wanted to engage in. Perhaps it hadn't been a surprise that we'd become friends so easily.
'Can I choose where we go next time?' I asked.
'Of course. Wherever you want.'
'You'll even go and watch a romantic comedy with me?' I dragged my head away from his strong, wonderfully cosy chest, so I could look him in the eye.
'You could drag me through a thousand rom-coms, Candy, and I honestly wouldn't mind,' he said seriously. Jonny was smiling as he looked down at me, hands placed around my waist. My eyes lit up and I grinned widely, wrapping my arms around his neck.
'This coming from the guy who loathes rom-coms.'
'You're so damn cute.'
His smile was dazzling, like the full moon we'd seen in the sky tonight. I enjoyed looking at him; he was very handsome, but I suppose I hadn't really paid attention to his looks earlier. Even with the slightly crooked nose he'd got from a childhood accident, it didn't seem like an imperfection, so much as an enhancement. His grey eyes were like two stars, bright and mysterious. His lips were like stardust and I wondered what he tasted like. Goose pimples were spreading like wildfire over my skin and I shivered as I imagined his mouth against mine. Jonny was staring at my mouth with fascination and just as he bent down, we heard the tube worker call out to us, since we were next.
We both exhaled in disappointment and Jonny held my bag as I rummaged around searching for my purse.
'Chicks have too much stuff in their bags.' He stared at me as I pulled out my makeup bag and my diary. 'Do you need to take so many files with you?'
'You should consider it an honour that your allowed anywhere near my bag,' I remarked, with a pointed look.
'Where's the kitchen sink?' he quipped.
After finally finding my purse, I paid quickly and we rushed towards the barriers, holding hands as we walked through the tunnels, playing a little game where we took turns humming random tunes and the other person had to guess the song. He won both times while I failed to get any of his songs, mostly because he deliberately chose grungey numbers that I wasn't familiar with.
'Why are you so competitive, Jonny?' I said, while we walked down the stairs down to the platform. Before we even reached the platform, we saw a few people at the bottom of the stairs coming up so we knew that the train was already there. We would have probably left the train and waited for the next one if it hadn't been for some poor soul's leg being trapped in a door, so luckily we managed to jump inside the carriage nearest to the entrance, before the doors shut. Jonny motioned for me to take the single free seat in the middle but I shook my head and said I'd rather just share the cushion rest with him.
He was leaning against one of the rests. Grinning, he shook his head and allowed me to squeeze in beside him.
'You look like you're going to drop off. Take the seat before someone comes along...' he whispered in my ear.
'My legs are fine. Go and sit down yourself.'
'I'll manage,' he sighed.
The passengers on the train were all in various stages of fatigue, a few had their eyes closed and it was busy. There was a crazy man leaning forward in his seat, muttering nonsense, and people were studiously trying to avoid his wild gaze. He got off at the next station.
'If you could be anyone in the world who would you be?' I said, without giving much thought to the question. We were now sitting on some seats two people had vacated, and I leaned my head against his shoulders, watching our reflections on the glass opposite us. Two inky clones which resembled us. Jonny had my hand in his, fingers wrapped in mine like a nest. I knew that we were both completely in that moment where nothing seemed to exist at all. Time had stopped, but it was still carrying on without us even noticing. I think he was tired. I was too. Our concentration levels were completely blasted. We were in our own little world.
'Tough question,' he said, 'I guess I would want to be a...' There was a pause as he thought about it. I looked down at his hand and I liked the shape of it, the elegant fingers, tapered and flexible, slightly tanned. I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn't sure if now was the right time. 'Actually. I'm happy being myself.'
'Boring answer.'
'It's the truth. Because it means I'd get to kiss you.'
I stared at him and there was a trace of humour in his expression. His smile was calm and placid.
'But you're not kissing me now,' I said, my eyes were heavy.
Before I knew what was happening, his mouth was on mine and we were kissing on a train carriage and I hadn't felt so wonderful in a long time. That was the honest truth. His mouth was soft like a peach, there was nothing quite like it. Our hands were wrapped around each other and I felt as though we were part of a Klimt painting. The shades appearing in my line of vision were gold, silver and red, fizzing and shooting around us. I leaned forward into him, sinking into his body heat. We were floating in each other's warm, tight embrace.
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