TWENTY: What I Want
The next two hours were fairly uneventful, but that wasn't to say I wasn't an emotional mess. I kept checking over my shoulder, worried that the harpy was right behind us, its jagged claws ready to strike. The creature never was, but the fear that it might suddenly appear and rear its ugly head made the walk significantly less enjoyable.
As we walked, the hills deepened into greater valleys. Sometimes we would dip down and lose sight of the city entirely for a good twenty minutes. Other times, we'd climb what felt like mountains, ending up on the top and gazing out at the tall skyscrapers growing ever larger.
"I'm exhausted," I muttered, climbing down yet another embankment of rocks. "How's my body looking out there?"
"The same," James said.
"Good to know I won't die of exhaustion," I said, jumping off the last rock and landing in a soft swath of grass. When I glanced ahead, I was expecting to see the city skyline, my only guide to Lana now that we had wandered off the path. But now, instead of hills and valleys, the ground was flat, with a thick tangle of trees in front of me, stretching out of sight to my left and right.
"James," I said, holding the bear so he could get a good look at the trees. "Were these woods here before?"
"I don't think so," he said, turning his head side to side to take everything in. Then his single beady eye latched onto something up ahead. "Looks like there's a path."
I followed his gaze, hoping to see the sky blue—or whatever colored it was now—brick road from earlier. But the path in front of us was made of nothing but dirt. Part of me wasn't even convinced it was a real path at all and not just a trail a few people had trampled through once in the past.
I sighed. "I assume this means we have to walk through this forest."
"I would wager that you're correct," James responded.
I groaned, then tried to stay positive. At least the trees are too close together for a harpy to swoop in from behind.
I took a few steps into the woods, the bright light from the false sun dimming as I stepped amongst the trees. The light that did make it through was dappled, painting my skin with blue and green splotches. I turned around, thinking that it might be better to turn back and try another path, but when I looked behind me, the entrance to the forest had vanished. I was surrounded by trees, trees, and more trees.
I glanced down at the path, thinking I could retrace my steps that way. But the path behind me had vanished. It looked as if the path had simply appeared at my feet, with only directions to move forward.
"I don't like this," I said aloud, and yet, for some reason, the words felt untrue as soon as they left my lips. In all actuality, I felt strangely calm. It was a sensation I hadn't felt since the dance last night, let alone in the Underworld.
James seemed to feel it too, because he relaxed into my arms, turning his head around as I walked. "The energy here," he said, "feels different. It feels old."
"I mean, isn't Hell a couple of millennia old?" I asked. "It makes sense."
"I don't know. I have a feeling this forest might not be a part of Gretchen's design... The Devil herself may not even know of its existence."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked.
James shrugged. "I don't know. But..." He hesitated. "It feels nice here."
I paused, taking a second to look more closely at the trees, to smell the air. James was right; it did feel nice here. And it took me a few more seconds before I had a startling realization: for the first time since entering the Underworld, everything looked and felt normal. I could have been back on Earth, walking through the woods behind Taylor's house, kicking stray stones.
At the thought of Taylor, my stomach lurched. I wondered if she'd gotten my text, wondered if she'd accepted my apology.
Wondered if I'd ever see her again.
A breeze wound its way through the trees, smelling of pine and soft earth and lake water.
Lake water?
No sooner did I think this did I emerge from a patch of trees and find myself on the wet bank of a lake, straggly grass itching my ankles.
"Woah," I said, staring at the beautiful still water. "Did we just hit a dead end?"
"I don't think so," James said, pointing down at my feet where the path led into the water. He looked at me. "Can you swim?"
"Yes, I can swim," I said, a little indignantly. The bigger issue was I didn't want to swim. I didn't care that I was in some old magic forest. I was still in the Underworld. I had already met the monsters that plagued the sky. What sort of horrors lurked under that smooth façade of water?
I looked to my left and right, hoping that we could just walk around, but this lake was strangely wide, with thick trees flanking the edges. The only clear path, as James had pointed out, was through the water. I leaned forward, peering across the lake, and sure enough, I could see that this shoddy dirt path continued just across the way on the other side of the lake.
"How far away do you think the shore is?" I asked.
James pointed to his single eye. "Bad depth perception, remember? But it doesn't look that far. If you're a decent swimmer, I think you could cross it in 10, maybe 15 minutes."
"That's if I have both hands free. I'll have to drag you along somehow."
"If you put me in the hood of your jacket, I can try to hold on myself?" he offered.
I sighed. "Okay... guess this means I'm leaving my clothes on."
As much as I was dreading dealing with possible sea creatures, I was dreading drenching my clothes in water even more. Swimming in clothes was difficult—water tended to seep into the fabric, making you weigh a ton. And I didn't like the idea of having to wear wet clothing once we emerged on the other side.
But I didn't seem to have much of a choice in the matter.
"Let's get this over with," I muttered, taking my sneakered foot and stepping into the shallows.
My first surprise was that the water was warm. Not scalding like a hot tub, but a comfortable warmth that reminded me of the baths I had taken as a child, with a father who had been concerned he'd burn me using water above 100 degrees.
The second surprise was that I didn't feel wet, at least not in the conventional sense. My sneakers didn't feel heavy and waterlogged and gross. It was as if they were waterproof, or as if there was a layer of air protecting the fabric. I wasn't sure if this had to do with the lake itself, or the fact that my clothes weren't real clothes, and were instead just an extension of my soul trying to provide me some decency in the Underworld.
"Too much thinking," I muttered to myself, and waded in until the water was up to my neck. I couldn't see my feet, but so far it hadn't felt like I had stepped on a sea creature, so over all I was doing okay.
"Are you ready?" I asked James, who had snuggled up behind my neck.
"I'm holding on as tightly as these paws will allow."
"Okay. Let's see if taking aquatics class paid off." And I started swimming.
I think I should take a moment to set the record straight that I did not willingly sign up for aquatics in 10th grade. That was a class almost completely dominated by members of the swimming and diving teams, and everyone knew it was best to steer clear of it if you didn't want to smell like chlorine for half of the day. And yet, one of the gym teachers had quit a week before school started in my sophomore year, and suddenly a few of us had been forced against our wills to take aquatics since they couldn't find a replacement gym teacher in time for the start of the school year.
Taylor had good-naturedly—yet mercilessly—made fun of me every time I showed up to chemistry with wet hair. I remember wishing so badly that I could push her into the pool to give her a taste of her own medicine.
I shook my head, clearing some water out of my ear and taking a few more stokes.
I hadn't swum such a distance in a while, but it was a fairly easy swim. I was making good time and had a feeling we'd get to the other side quickly.
About halfway across the lake, I decided to take a short break, and I switched to treading water.
"Are you doing all right?" James asked me.
I nodded. "It's kind of nice out here," I said, moving the bear to my hand so I could float on my back. As I gazed at the sky—which here, in the middle of this forest, looked a proper shade of sky blue—I said, "It's bringing up a lot of memories."
"Of?"
"Earth," I said simply.
"Huh. That's odd," James said, tilting his furry head to the sky. "Because I... I'm sort of reminded of Heaven."
"Really?" I asked.
He nodded. "And it's making me think of... things."
The way he said "things" made me want to pry. But James continued to gaze upwards, and I had a feeling he wasn't in the mood to share his thoughts.
"Well," I said, "I'm glad we came across these woods. It's nice to feel safe for once."
However, I should have known better to say that out loud. Because as soon as the words left my throat, the perfectly smooth water begin to ripple.
I jolted upright from my back float, instantly alert. I tossed James onto my back. "What's going on?"
"I don't know. But maybe you should start swimming again?"
I didn't need to be told twice. I immediately re-started my front crawl. I wanted to get out of the water as quickly as I could, but the lake seemed to have other plans for me. Soon I realized that I wasn't able to swim in a straight line; the water was pulling at me, dragging me into a large whirlpool.
"James!" I cried out, thrashing in the water. "What do I do?"
"I don't kno—" he said, before being cut off with a drowned gurgle as he lost his grip on my neck and sank out of view.
"James!" I screamed, flinging a hand through the water, trying to grab onto fur, but failing. And before I could process anything else, the whirlpool pulled me under.
The current was strong, tossing me about, and within seconds I couldn't tell which way was up. I hadn't taken a deep breath before getting dragged under, and my lungs were screaming for air.
This is how I die, this is how I die... As the world started to go black around me, my mouth betrayed me, opening wide, taking in a deep gulp of water...
It tasted like air.
Oh my God, I thought, taking in deep, filling breaths of water.
I could breathe. Underwater.
"What the hell," I said aloud, but my voice sounded like a vibration, an ocean song. The last drops of oxygen slipped out with the words, and the resulting bubbles floated off to my left, reorienting me so I knew which way to swim to get to the surface.
And yet, I didn't want to get out of the water. It was so calm down here. And there was something that sounded like music.
As I listened to the sound, I saw a fuzzy figure coming towards me. But I wasn't afraid, and as they approached, the music only grew louder.
A wisp of white fabric waved into view: a flowing dress, worn by a familiar face.
"Taylor?" I said, blinking back shock.
Because in front of me, wearing just this shear white dress, was my best friend. Her hair was free from its normal messy bun, swimming around her head like flames. Her lips were pale and pink, her eyes the same warm hazel. "Hi Jessa," she said, and I realized that the music I had been hearing wasn't music at all. It had been Taylor's voice calling my name.
Deep in my chest, I felt an aching. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her, how much it had hurt to know that our last conversation had been so full of anger.
Despite being underwater, I could feel my eyes burn and my vision blur, and I knew that I was crying.
"I missed you, Jessa," Taylor said, her eyes wrinkled in concern. "I was afraid that you left me... Afraid that I'd lost you forever."
"I had to leave," I said, swimming nearer so that I could hold her hand in mine. "The world was going to end, so I had to. But I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave you." Even though I was crying, there was a huge smile on my face. "I'm so happy to see you... I'm so happy you're here—"
Before I could react, Taylor drew even closer, and suddenly her lips were pressed to mine and we were kissing.
I felt her skin through the wet, thin fabric of her dress. I watched her eyes twinkle, millimeters away from mine. And my heart purred, as if a bottle of champagne had been uncorked in my chest.
This is what kissing is supposed to feel like, a small part of my brain whispered. Because I had never felt this before. My single kiss before this—that awful thing during a game of spin the bottle—had been standard, empty. This was magic.
I didn't want to stop, and yet, after what could have been seconds or hours, Taylor pulled back. She reached out a hand, holding a piece of my wet hair between her thumb and forefinger. "I have to go. You have a journey to complete."
My stomach flipped. "Please don't go," I begged, but she had already turned away, swimming into the fog. As she started to fade from view, I tried to swim after her, but I was too slow. She was gone.
I felt a burning in my chest. At first I thought it was sadness, but then I realized it was my lungs crying for air. I might have been able to breathe underwater before, but now my time was running out.
I could see the sunlight filtering in through the water from above, and I started swimming upwards. As I broke the surface, I took a big breath of air, shaking my head.
I was no longer in the center of the lake, but just feet away from the shoreline, where the path continued into the unknown.
I waded my way out of the water, my head spinning. I found James washed up on shore, the teddy bear's fur matted with sand. He was still, staring up at the sky.
"James?" I asked, worried that I had lost him somehow.
Yet the bear turned his head to face me. "Hi Jessa."
I felt like I had been drunk and was only now sobering up. "What just happened?" I asked. "Did you... see things in that lake?"
James nodded, then looked down at his tiny little paws. "When I was dragged under the water, I was suddenly in my human form. And... I wasn't alone. The Devil was there. But... I don't think it was actually her. It was like an apparition of some sort." He looked at me. "What did you see?"
"I saw Taylor," I said. "My best friend... But she was wearing this white dress, and she told me she missed me, and then..." I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks. "We kissed."
James didn't say anything for a while. He just continued to lie on the sand, staring up at the blue sky.
Finally, he said, "I don't understand these woods. It doesn't feel like the rest of the Underworld. It's different. But what happened in that lake... I can't tell if it's a trick just planting thoughts in our heads or—"
"Maybe it's just showing us truths that we didn't want to admit," I said.
James didn't say anything to my theory.
Finally, after a few minutes had passed, I reached down and picked up the bear. "We should keep moving."
"Right," James said, though he seemed distracted.
"Do you... want to talk about what happened? I'm happy to listen."
He shook his head, so I respected his privacy.
I looked back at the lake, at its shiny blue surface hiding mysteries. Then, turning my back on the water, I continued on the path, disappearing into the trees.
- - -
Brand new chapter! This is completely different from the first draft of the book (a big change in the plot, and a completely new scene in the Underworld), so please let me know what you think! Is it surprising? Expected? Does it make sense.
Would love to hear your thoughts :)
~Bdicocco
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