John walked over and wrapped his arms around me. I stayed quiet and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight. I didn't want to admit it but, I missed him. My heart fluttered as he pulled back, looking into my eyes. I could feel our past surging through us as we stared at each other.

"I read your note. I should have read it sooner. Fucking hell I was so stupid." He shook his head. "I hate myself so much. I...I never deserved you. I hurt you so much and put you through so much bullshit."

He sank down on the floor and hugged my legs. I looked down at him as he cried. I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly moved my fingers into his hair.

Seeing John like this really made me realise, he was off the deep end. He wasn't happy with his life. All the anger, guilt, lies, sadness, rejection...it was all finally beginning to show. He was harming himself to rid the pain. And I needed to stop him. I was the only person that could.

"John."

"Lucy I can't watch you leave. Please don't leave me."

I kneeled down and was face to face with him. "Come on, let's have a chat hmm?"

He looked sad and nodded. I smiled and kissed his cheek. We walked over to the bed and sat down.

"Now, Tell me what's going on."

..

As the hours passed, me and John just talked and talked. I found out him and Cynthia finalized their divorce two months ago. She took their son and moved to some high priced house which John paid for. She still had the nerve to deny him any kind of visits to his son.

John was currently living with Paul and his girlfriend Michelle. I was really happy they were together. Atleast someone made it. John's depression has been slowing down the band and their progress. So this next tour will be huge for them. I felt bad for John. His life was crashing down on him and nobody was really there to keep him up.

When it was my turn to tell him about myself, I had a hard time trying to hold back the tears...especially when he asked about the baby. I told him about how I lost it, How I can't get pregnant anymore, about my sickness, How Andrew has been helping me, how me and George kept in touch, how I've been going through depression as well....how I still loved him.

I pulled on a loose thread on my skirt and sighed.

"When did we become so broken?"

He laughed and looked at me. "When we drifted apart."

I gave him a small smile and nodded. "Were you lying?"

"What d'you mean?"

"When you told me you tried loving me."

"I was lying to myself. I figured the more I hurt you, the sooner you'd go away. And..you did, for awhile. Physically yes but, you were always in my mind."

"I never meant to hurt you." I whispered.

I was surprised as he leaned in and kissed me. I melted instantly as my lips moved with his. Our bodies moving closer together as we deepened the kiss. I pulled away slowly, smiling as he tried keeping me close.

"John. We need to stop now."

"Why?" He pouted.

"I..I don't know." I sat back. He leaned over and kissed my jawline.

"You're always worried about what's right and what's wrong. Why don't you just worry about what you want?"

I looked at him and brushed my thumb over his eyebrows. He was always so handsome. He watched as I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the ground. I took his hand and brushed it over the scar across my stomach. He looked up at me and stroked the side of my face.

"I love you Lucy."

I smiled and leaned in, giving him a small kiss. I always tried to deny loving him. I always made it seem like loving John Lennon was a curse. But now I realise, I was proud to love him. To want him. Not ashamed of being seen with him. I always told everyone he was Cynthia's. But what I never realised was that...he was always mine.

"I love you too John."

"Tell me I'm yours again." He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest. His cold skin pressed against my warm body. I held him to me, stroking his hair.

"You're mine John. My John Lennon."

....

December 31, 1965

I sat in bed, staring at the letter from John. He told me he had something for me. Something back in Liverpool that was waiting for me.

Ever since me and John talked, we've made great efforts to be together. Nothing was official, but we certainly getting there. He was back in England now and I was still living in New York with Andrew.

As for me and Andrew, we were still close friends. After he talked to Janice, they soon started a relationship. I hated Janice but atleast I knew she made Andrew happy. He was proud I finally set my issues aside with John and started to come around. I was happy. Truly, purely happy.

..

It was New Years eve and I was getting dressed to head off to England, to meet John for New Years day. We wanted to have a small get together, then he was going to show me my surprise. I was a bit excited.

"Lucy are you ready to go? You're going to miss your flight!" Andrew yelled from the living room. I slipped my heels on and grabbed my bag, running over to him.

"Yes I'm ready. Off to ship me away so Janice can come over?" I asked. He made a face and shoved me.

"Shut it Daniels. Come on let's go."

I smiled as we made our way to the airport. We sat and waited for my flight to be called. Andrew stopped and pulled something out of his pocket.

"Here um, I wanted to get this to you on Christmas but I couldn't afford it then. But I saw it last night and well...here." he said handing me the small case. I smiled and opened it. I gasped.

"Andrew it's..Beautiful!!"

He blushed. "Well I figured you deser..."

I gave him a small kiss and put the diamond necklace on. It was beyond beautiful. It glistened in the light.

"I love you Lucy and well, I'm really happy you're doing better. Seeing you for months depressed and sad...it hurt me."

"I love you too Andrew. I always have. I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I'll always be here for you as you were for me."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I smiled and kissed his cheek. I heard my flight number being called and stood up. "I better go. Thank you so much Andrew."

"No problem Luce. I'll see you in a few days okay? Don't be late to work!" He shouted as I walked away.

"I won't! Happy New Year Andrew!"

"Happy New Year!"

I smiled to myself and made my way to board onto the plane. As I sat in my seat, I pulled out a pen and paper. I never answered John's letter. I figured since I'm terrified of flying, I might as well focus on something else.

Dear John,

I'm quite excited about seeing you this holiday. It'll be like old times remember? New years when we'd all be at a club, at our old house, Hamburg. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change a few things. Not huge drastic things but, small moments like sneaking more kisses here and there, reminding you of how much I love you, just asking you to hold me again. We'll make new memories together John. We'll be together again and, I promise things will be better this time. A new beginning. A start over. We deserve it.

I smiled as the woman next to me, put her small portable radio on and a song came on. You really got a hold on me playing. John's voice filling the silence in the plane as we lifted off the ground. I bit my lip and finished writing.

I can't wait to see you John. I love you, forever.

     Love, your Lucy.

I smiled and set it in an envelope, staring out the window at the stormy sky, listening to John sing, placing my hand on the necklace Andrew gave me. For the first time since my first trip to Liverpool in eight years, I wasn't scared at all. If anything, I felt calm and peaceful.

....