To every single one who replies to my wall or comments on my chapters, you make me feel worthy and better in very profound ways that can shock me sometimes. You have that power and that effect, and I miss you and love you.

Enjoy and stay safe! I apologize for the uncalled two-week slump💜

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"Love is pain. Beauty is pain. Life is pain. Why is pain all the good things? Maybe pain is just the bad of every good thing. But pain is also what makes every bad person good because evil is painful. Or it can just mean the opposite. What did your pain make of you? My pain is his past."

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Yoonbi

"BamBam! Come on! Don't--" RyungNa stops talking as I come into the hospital room, Jimin is sitting on her bed holding her hand while BamBam stands by the door waiting for something.

"There you little--" BamBam is about to hold me when Jr hugs me instead, I'm the something he's waiting for then, "yah! I need to talk to her!"

"Don't hurt my little psychic!" Jr shouts back and I'm surprised he doesn't hate me for lying and being able to know whatever he may be hiding. "Yoonbi yah, tell me what I'm thinking." He beams down at me.

It takes me moments to get over my shock, and my eyes catch Jimin who's laughing at all of us with moon eyes twinkling because his girlfriend is okay.

Is it okay to do this in front of Jimin? I ask RyungNa, she nods saying something about how all this is an empty joke to a human.

"Okay then, you're thinking about what your mom did with the lunch you missed because you're hungry," I tell Jr, and just on cue, his stomach rumbles.

"Oh, God!" Jackson shouts and runs around the room laughing, BamBam is rooted with a dumb face and Jr is trying to keep his cool.

"How!" Jimin shouts, his laughter filling the room over all the others. "Tell me what I'm thinking then!" He kids. I don't catch up on the fact that he knows I can't and intrude his mind, watching the horrifying thoughts of losing RyungNa slowly go to the back of his head as he laughs.

Oh, he was so scared to lose her too, my lips get sealed as they wait for me to say something. "Um, you're thinking about how sweaty RyungNa's hand is getting in yours?" I substitute.

His eyes widen in surprise and look down at their intertwined hands and starts vehemently shaking his head as the mutant guys pat me and laugh at him, "that is not true, I swear!" He tries to convince RyungNa, but she's fast to pull her hand out of his and stick her tongue out.

It's hard not to laugh too, so I let it out and laugh along, thanking the miracle that kept my life intact.

◌◌◌

My mom is fuming I didn't call to tell her what happened and the only call she did indeed receive was from the school: saying I skipped the rest of the day and whatnot.

"I told you, mom, just calm down! I had to go to RyungNa, she needed me." I say, wearing my towel around my body and drying my hair. My eyes catch the wall clock in my room and my heart skips a beat at the night approaching.

My hands quicken as I make the towel pad down my hair dry, "whatever, young lady! You're grounded!"

"I have school tomorrow," I reply nonchalantly although my mind started fretting at the idea of not meeting Jungkook tonight.

"And just that! Nowhere else!" She continues complaining about my behavior as she went downstairs, I changed quickly and followed her to convince her to let me go out. Never was I going to bail on Jungkook again.

"Please mom, there is someone I need to meet tonight!"

"Well, well! Look at that! You have somewhere to go." She sympathizes then turns away to watch her shows, "too bad." My mom snaps, not even sparing me another glance.

"Mom," I call, no reply. "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom--"

"It won't work, shut up."

"Mom!"

"Say one more word and you'll regret it."

"M--"

"JaeHee, let her meet her someone. She'd been too depressed, she won't be able to study like that." Dad says, coming from the kitchen with a cup of tea that he's steering in a very contagiously soothing manner.

My mom eyes me suspiciously and stubbornly turns away, the same stubbornness I got from her, "please?" I press.

"But you made a mistake Yoonbi, how will you take responsibility?" My dad says and winks at me when I turn back to him. I smile and think of something quickly.

"I'll..." I stop, waiting for a thought to pop, "I will handle all house chores for three days!"

"Two weeks." My mom argues.

"Five days."

"A week and three days."

"Six days." I insist.

"One week and that's the end of this discussion." She retorts.

"Cool!" I stand up, clapping my hands in content. "I love you both!" I send flying kisses and skip up to change and call Jungkook. When I'm back down, after agreeing with Jungkook to have a tranquil movie night at his house, I'm ready to go.

"Don't be late or I'll make it for three weeks, and you know I can!" My mom calls.

"Whom are you meeting anyway?" My dad asks as I pull my shoes on.

"Jungkook," I mumble.

"Is that the guy you--" I send mom a warning look before she can go on and she understands on time, thankfully dad is too into a show rerun and sips of tea to notice.

"I'll see you!" I run out before dad can catch up and interrogate me further, my attire screams comfy because I'm going to do lots of talking. I pulled on pretty tights and a plain sweater with my hair slightly curled here and there, cascading down my back. I ditched half of my make up because Jungkook probably remembers me in my worst schools days, I wasn't late or lazy.

Jungkook's house is feet away and I stop to pat down my hair and fix up my appearance, "be convincing! And try not to lie, just shut it!" I remind myself. This is so confusing, I never had to care what humans think but now...

Now it feels like I'm prone to mess up.

But I won't! Be positive like Jhope, you had enough watching him think of sunshine and dancing. Be positive he'll be proud. Positive-- my phone rings.

My fingers slide, distractedly answering the call, "hello?"

"What are you doing there? Come on! I'm waiting." Jungkook says and my head immediately snaps up, catching him looking at me through the ground floor window of his two-story house.

"O-okay, sorry." I hang up.

The door swings open before I knock or ring the bell, "my brother is asleep, are you okay?" Jungkook pulls me inside and mentions to my unfocused face, busy mapping out what I'll tell him.

"Absolutely," I say as we settle on the couch and put our phones on the coffee table, Jungkook is extremely close to me. Our thighs are brushing and his smell is making me feel both nervous and relaxed at the same time, and this is just confusing me more.

"You don't normally use that word." He notes and I turn to scowl at his mocking face. He just holds my cheeks and pinches, "what's my little Yoonbi worried about?"

I sigh and hold my legs up to fold them under me, and elevate my eye level a little, "you know when you have a friend, or like a special person, and you can't tell them about something because life sucks but then you want to be honest so badly?"

"I don't know." He puts his arm around me and pulls me to cuddle on the couch. I swat his chest at his witty reply.

"I'm serious."

"Or you're trying to lay it out for me that you can't tell me what happened today." Jungkook says flatly and I back away from him in shock, "yeah, I'm pretty smart or you're pretty obvious. I can catch up on what you say by now."

"Oh my god." I am fascinated. "You're amazing."

"I know, thank you."

"You are impossible."

"Indeed."

"Shut up." I deadpan.

"Okay." He smiles, letting his hands play with my hair. "It's okay, you can keep your tragic experience with RyungNa to yourself." He goes on, busy with my hair as I look at him, taken aback again.

"How did you know?"

"Jimin called me." He mutters and my face falls, not because I don't know what RyungNa fed her human boyfriend but because I, insanely, felt a tinge of jealousy in my chest.

"Yeah Jimin," I retort and stand up, letting my hair fall out of his hand as I walk and fumble around the TV screen. Jikook is real. My conscience taunts me, and I can't believe how stupid I'm being.

But Jikook is real!

"Oh shut up!" I snap at my subconscious voice, realizing too late that Jungkook heard me mumble like a madwoman.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just picking a movie," I reply.

"You are?"

"Yeah, and there is much good stuff here," I say absentmindedly.

"Oh really?" His voice is closer now, he's standing right behind me.

"Yeah," I repeat.

"Well all you have in there are video games, Yoonbi." He towers over me from behind, whispering in my ear.

"Well, shït." I give up.

"Yeah." Jungkook imitates my voice.

"I wasn't that high." I turn to him and push him away with my shoulder against his chest. When he starts repeating my 'yeah' with a lower note, I punch his stomach. He groans, dropping his head forward and I pat it while brushing his hair with my fingers, "don't be too loud or your hyung will wake up."

My eyes catch a picture of Jungkook's brother and him together, on a dark street that's eerily familiar but then I see another frame. It had seven boys in it, Bangtan, all smiling and posing for the group picture.

Taehyung's wide smile and chocolate smooth hair remind me of the precognitions I had concerning him and I lose my triumphant smile, I thought I was done with a problem but now I have another one. "We took this picture months after I was enrolled in school with them."

Jungkook's voice pulls me out of my daze and I turn to him beside me, "you were such a hard nut to crack, TaeTae says." I say.

"TaeTae?"

"He told me you call him that too, he's a nice guy I'm worried about him," I mutter, Jungkook sighs loudly and rubs his face with his hand. The gesture looks like it hurts, making me grimace.

He looks away and takes my hand urgently, threading our fingers together, and pulling me to the couch. He sets me down on the bigger couch and then lays beside me, resting his head in my lap and covering his eyes with his forearm.

Moments pass in silence. He doesn't meet my eyes once but his breathing tells me he's all but sleepy, "yah." I move my thigh, making his arm slide off his face, "what's wrong with you."

"Nothing."

"Yeah right." I roll my eyes teasingly and put my fingers between his hair, enjoying the sensation as he lets his eyes slide shut. I smile. Taehyung pops in my head once more, I sigh loudly. "Kookie?"

"Hmm."

"Do you think Taehyung has any family problems?"

A heavy, unsatisfied sound radiates out of his throat before his lids separate and he looks up at me. I angle my face lower so I don't look too ugly from where he's looking, "no, I don't think so. Why?"

The sharpness seeping from behind his words irk me for a moment before I shake it off because it was too faint, "I can't get the dream out of my head." I mutter.

Jungkook takes my hand in his and holds it tightly, putting our intertwined hands over the left side of his chest. Just where his heart is, beating hard and clear. "Can you stop talking about him?"

I hide how taken aback I am and look away from him, twitching my hands in his and giving myself away. I purse my lips to hold back my giggle then his hand tugs mine and I look down at him. "You can worry about me instead."

Jungkook proved to me over the time we were together that he's not insecurely jealous, he just wants all the attention to himself, in an adorable way. Jungkook hates sharing, just like me.

I want you all to myself... his twinkling eyes say and once again I couldn't hold myself back from hearing his inner voices. The fingers of my free hand reach out to his hair again and I massage his scalp, rubbing on the skin of his forehead with the nape of my thumb as my fingers mingle with his hair strands.

"Of course. I'm all yours." I assure him softly. His eyes clear out of the haze my hand seems to put him in as he stares up at me in surprise, his expression slightly startles me but only my heart beats faster as the rest of me stays tranquil.

I miss the warmth and the softness of his hair when he sits up away from me and breathes out, "how do you do this?" He asks, not meeting my eyes. He seemed afraid, looking like he could spring away any moment, although whether he'll jump away from or towards me wasn't too clear.

"Do what?"

"Say all the right things at the right time." You feed my doubts with words that make them disappear and you make me feel too much. What if you leave like all the rest, you just make it harder for me to picture-- Jungkook's train of thought is cut off by me when I move from beside him to straddle his waist.

Hearing him imagine the same thing I deem as a nightmare is too nervewracking, and watching him sit uncomfortable while he's inches away is so infuriating. I let my hands hold his shoulders as he stares up at me, eyes wider a tad.

Without intending to, the wide pupils of his pull me in and I get to see a beaming fire. Too bright and big in the darkness of a street that's too familiar but stays stubbornly unremembered. Screams of people and blooded hands frame the image of the hungry flames.

My lips quiver and I'm back staring at Jungkook's handsome face as his eyes slide close and he catches my lips between his, pulling me closer with so much demand and power. I hold the sides of his neck to deepen the kiss, making him sound out his content.

Along with the satiation and need my Kookie fed, fear and confusion blurred my mind but his lips kept me with him. His big hands against my lower back kept every part of our bodies connected as he let his secrets drown to the back of his head where no one can get a glimpse of them.

Hidden where they must be
because no one is supposed to know or see.

Not even me.

//a note from when I wrote this chapter, halfway through writing this chapter, I texted RyungNa, yeah the character is a real person in my life, telling her that I'm having trouble with this book. Crying emojis and all. Then now, in the middle of the night, I feel extremely accomplished and amazing because although this chapter was the most terrible shît ever:
it ended pretty well. So, so much better than expected.
I'm happy and I love you because you read this author note, you're the sweetest and you're so precious you can't imagine how awesome you are💕💕

A note before publishing it, I need to learn how to throw myself into Wattpad more often. It's a very soothing and peaceful, fun space for me but when too much is going on I just lose my way back you feel. Tomorrow is my birthday, the 25th of October.

I'm happy this side of me is still relevant to this day, and I hope it always stays that way because I love it. I love you all, I made amazing friends here and if you think you're one of them then you're right. All of you are, just reach out.

With purple love, Kaye💜