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"Living a reckless life is a way to abuse yourself
It's worse than committing suicide
It's killing yourself slowly
But like all other kinds of abuse, you come to enjoy it."
~Doctors.

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Yoonbi

"Listen to me, Jungkook. I'm really okay. Just go back to class, deliver my excuse. Lunch break is already over!" I try convincing him.

He doesn't budge.

I feel my temperature too high and my head throbbing so painfully, he's irritating me. He must go now! "Just leave for Pete's sake! Don't fool yourself, we aren't even that close for you to stay here with me. Go." I hold my head. Oh great, I mentioned a sick mutant isn't pleasant. I hope he understands.

"W-what?" He manages to say.

"I said leave Jungkook. Just leave me alone and forget any of what happened. I'll take care of everything."

I start coughing erratically just after saying that, I feel my face growing pale and cold. My lungs demand for the air that my energy can't afford and my eyelids turn heavy. I'm losing conscious already. What to do.

And it's all black.

Maybe I'd feel better when I'm awake, but then what human attribute is this? I hate nosy kids, why couldn't he just go back to the introvert he is. I'm being too harsh. I feel guilty for treating the boy this way, he just wants to help. But I don't need anyone. I can take care of this.

A cough wakes me up, my throat feels sore and I can't even feel my limbs, I groan in pain as I sit up, "stay." Some one tells me before I could open my heavy eyes. But I recognize the voice, Jackson?

"Finally you're awake." He smiles at me and sits beside me on the bed, how for how long was I sleep? We're still at school. He hugs me and my eyes widen, what's happening? "It hurt when you pushed me away this morning Yoonbi, don't do it again."

Oh, what will I do with those people. In lack of speech, I hug him back and snuggle in his wide embrace. "Do you still feel cold?" He asks me.

I shake my head, "where is-" I don't need to complete my question because he appears by the door and drops a spoon to the floor.

Jungkook looks at Jackson and I then regains his composure, "he's here, he was getting something for you to drink," Jackson holds my shoulders, squeezing them as Jungkook walks to us with the hot beverage he got. He just hands it to me, no words. I shrug him off and mutter a quick thanks.

"Thank you." I smile up at Jackson and drink the coffee Jungkook got me. Did Jackson take care of me the whole time? After a glance at my watch, I notice that the day is almost over.

"I need to leave, I have practice." Jackson eyes me suggestively. I nod to him, understanding. Good luck with that.

"Bye." I lean my back on my bed when he leaves, "where are the rest?" I breathe out.

"In class, packing their things away." Jungkook tells me.

"What about you?"

"They'll take care of it, besides, I'm busy."

"Then what are you doing here?" With my head still resting against the pillow, I turn to him watching his expression loosen.

"That's what I'm busy doing." I'm busy taking care of you. I hear what he didn't mean to say and I involuntarily smile.

"I'm sorry about what I said. We are friends. I was just really-" before I could ruin my form of apology he stops me by pulling the covers over my shoulders.

"I'll go get our stuff and be back, don't leave." I smile as he jogs out. It feels so much better hearing someone telling me that; don't leave.

And coming from someone I just commanded to leave a few hours ago, it's absolutely refreshing. I think the fact it's Jungkook makes it just more precious.

My smile falters when I remember a certain precious friend in my heart, "Where are you SoMin, I missed you so much." I whisper to myself, whom did you choose to look upon SoMin? The question drills in my head. If only I asked her before she left.

"I'm back-"

"We're all here!" RyungNa shouts after pushing Jungkook aside, Jimin was standing behind her, smiling a little wider than all his mates.

"Get well soon," Jin pats my head, I nod smiling while the rest come along wishing similarly. Jungkook just kept staring from where he was pushed, watching me with an unconscious smile on his face.

Maybe having these people around me is worth the pain, maybe when I end up getting hurt later, I would look back at those moments wholeheartedly. But a mere what if or a maybe isn't enough to depend on.

I can't succumb to my feelings so quickly.

BamBam comes sitting on one side of my bed, RyungNa settles beside him, you know he can cure those wounds of yours? I can't believe you fell on the ground. So not a mutant. RyungNa gibes. I look at her and roll my eyes.

Fell though? Is that what Jungkook told them? I glance at him and raise my eyebrows in question, "fell?" I mouth to him. He cutely looks away and scratches his head before nodding, I giggle unnoticeably, that smile.

I throw a glance at Suga who was already looking at Jungkook and I, he probably knows we are lying. And he'll absolutely interrogate me later, or maybe not? I can't figure the guy out yet.

"I can fix your wounds if you want me to." BamBam whispers to me. I turn to him and shake my head.

"No need, I better stay loyal to my savior. Besides, it'd be too suspicious to have my wounds healed so soon. Thanks though."

"As you like." BamBam shrugs childishly.

Gradually, they all leave one after another. Till Jungkook is left behind, "I'll walk home, you go." He tells Namjoon. Namjoon glances at me then back at his maknae.

"Okay I guess. Bye Yoonbi!" He waves at me, I wave him off with a smile.

"What now Kook." I stop suddenly not liking the sound of that nickname, "ie." I add. Kookie, much better. The other one sounded- I clear my thoughts, feeling my imagination going too far, nonetheless, my eyes involuntarily take a glance at his pants before I quickly look away as heat consumes my cheeks.

Oh my god. What am I doing!

I nervously push the cover off me and move my legs to let them dangle off from the bed, "I should go back home," I muse, "did you get your knee treated?" I ask him.

"Yeah, and," he moves his hand, showing me his bandages knuckles then he points at his face. I nod in approval.

"Good job!" I fake proudness then stand up after I put my shoes on. Who even took them off for me? Jackson? Jungkook? I don't know anymore. I shake my head.

"Ow ow ow!" I say when my body weighs on my injured knees, "damń it!" I curse when I sit back on the bed. Frowning in irritation, my eyes reach for my bag that Jungkook placed beside me moments ago.

I take my phone out and press it on, my screen stays dark. I press one more time and I realize the thing is dead, "f*ck." I mutter, "can I have your phone for a second, Jungkook?" I request.

"Why?" I frown at his question and release a big sigh.

"I-" I stop for a while contemplating wether to embarrass him or just answer, my mind sets for me to be the better person and I continue, "I need to call my dad to pick me up."

"I can do that," he walks to me and takes off his jacket, what is he doing? "Wear this and hop on." Huh?

I glance down at my skirt, oh. It all makes sense with him kneeling in front of me now and all, "you don't have to, I'll call my dad."

"I insist."

"Way to go, Kookie." I mutter wittily under my breath as I tie the sleeves of his jacket around my waist. The thing is surprisingly big.

"I heard that." He breathes as I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. His warm hands hold up my bare thighs. Oh boy, oh boy.

"Will you be able to take me all the way home?" I say in his ears as he stands up, I take my bag and his on either my shoulders. Too much weight. For a while he frowns and looks at me from the corner of his eyes, "yeah." He replies bluntly and suppresses asking the question of my doubt about him.

I won't blame myself.

We start walking out of school and head home, I squeeze my memory telling him where to go. "Wait wait!" I tell him as I hit his shoulder with my fist.

"What now?" He asks, I ignore him and look around. Okay, I passed by here this morning. Our house is supposed to be....

"Turn back!" I pull his shirt.

"Can you stop that?" He turns to me, our faces were inches apart but I was too concentrated to react.

"Just go, I swear I'll forgot if we keep standing here any longer."

"You mean if I keep standing here." He retorts and turns around to walk where I instructed him to.

"I didn't ask you to carry me all the way here, you could've just gave me your phone Kookie." I blame.

"You're blaming me. I could just drop you, you know."

"Way to go Kookie."

"What's that name-"

"Turn left!" I cut him off, "it's your new nickname," I smile touching his cheek then his hair, holly hair, so soft, "does anyone else call you that?"

"No."

"Splendid!" I say, not about the fact that I'm the only on calling him that but because I see my house in the distance, "now keep walking straight up."

"Easy for you to say." He mutters.

"I told you-" before I should go on he holds my inner thighs tighter with his fingers and pulls me up. My arms hold him for dear life and my chin rests on his shoulder. "There..." I mutter breathlessly when we're feet away from my house, "that one." I point.

As we go closer to the building I feel uneasy. "There is something wrong." I furrow my eyebrows as he stops in front of my house. I pat his shoulder and he lets me go, slowly and carefully.

He takes his bag and holds my arm on his shoulder as I limb to the door, "you have keys?" He asks me.

"Yeah, but my mom is inside. I don't need to use them when I could have my mom open the door for me, no?" I smile pushing the odd heaviness off my chest. Jungkook's face breaks into a smile and he nods at my logic.

After ringing the bell thrice, mom still doesn't make it to the door, "maybe she's sleeping or something." Jungkook tells me, his breath touching my cheek as he talks.

"No no, my mom has a routine. She isn't sleeping." I shake my head worriedly and frantically reach for the key in my bag.

"Don't worry, I bet she just can't hear the bell." Jungkook tries soothing me as my hands shakily hold the key to unlock the door. I attempt to thrust the key into the keyhole twice, failing. Jungkook takes it from my hand gently and opens the door himself.

However, just as his fingers push the key the door moves along and opens. I furrow my eyebrows as I feel worry over power my feelings. "The door is open?" Jungkook questions.

I ignore him.

I pull my arm off Jungkook and drop my bag to the floor, my vision blurred from my paranoia. I walk through the short corridor, feeling Jungkook close behind me. He stays standing halfway through the corridor as I turn my head to where the stairs and the kitchen are.

My eyes bulge in horror as they're trained on my mom's figure. Instead of seeing her cooking or setting the table like everyday, with that silly smile on her face, my eyes gaze at her limb body, sprawled harshly on the floor at the bottom of the stairs with blood all around her.

It was like a sight so hard to believe, something so cruel I refuse to claim reality yet it still gets to me and crushes my insides.

Before I know it, I'm running to her, I'm crying, and I fall to the floor because of my injured leg. It felt like everything was crumbling down in a way so vile and wicked. I felt lost and I had no control over my senses as my visions crowds with transparent liquid.

"Mom!" I shout, terrified. Crawling to her and holding her bloody head over my lap, my hands touch her cheeks and leave a red print making my eyes gaze at my fingers.

My hands are bloody, stained with my mother's blood. A cry makes it's way out of my throat against my accord, "mom, mom! What happened!" I shake her shoulders. Numb, all I felt was numb, the world drowns in black and I don't see anything other than my mom's abused form.

Someone is shaking me. Shouting at me to hold on, to keep calm. Saying that everything will be alright.No, no. Not my mommy.

I felt fire under my skin, needles stabbing every inch of my body, and my head felt like a balloon too full and about to blow up. I was set to destruction.

I need to help her out, I can't just give up. Trying to concentrate a little to save my mom, I hear Jungkook calling the ambulance. I nod as I try holding back my breathes of agony and repeating the same words in my head over and over again, my mom will be okay no matter what. My mom will be okay no matter what.

Jungkook and I ride with my mom in the ambulance van, my hands never leaving hers as my elbows rest on my bloody skirt. I feel Jungkook's arm resting on my upper back, patting me. It only makes me cry harder like a little kid.

"It will be okay..." He goes on, he never stopped muttering those stuff, as if by constantly saying those words everything will stop. Everything will turn back the way it were.

When I turn to him with my wet face, I see his eyes hooded. Dark and afraid. He wasn't even looking at me as he whispers his constant words, his eyes are sporting looks of edginess, sentiment and pain as he gazes at the blood on me and my mom. It looked like he wasn't only comforting me, but himself as well.

Before his eyes show me what's going inside his head, the van's door opens and we rush into the hospital, my friend's ordeal is forgotten as the doctor pushes me out of the emergency room my mom is taken into.

My back presses onto the marbled wall of the hospital's hallway as I descend down till I'm sitting on the floor, my eyes aren't drying off although I've been repeating my words over and over again .

This isn't happening. This can't be. I just left her this morning! She was fine. She said she will be cooking my favorite meal on the weekend, she is a reason why I don't give up when I feel like crashing. She is a mutant, a clever one at that. How did this happen!

I'm deep inside the blackness of my hallucination when I hear faded heavy steps run towards me, my peripheral vision recognizes Jungkook standing on the other side of the hallway as someone pulls me to my feet.

"Yoonbi, sweetheart. It's okay, I will take care of this. Nothing will happen, trust me." My dad's shaky voice rasps in my ears as his strong arms hug me.

His chest was shaking voilently, his breathing unsteady and his face pale. The only reason he isn't crying is the dryness that over took him at the news. It's only worse that way.

I gradually hug him back, trying to make him feel better. It was hours later that I knew whatever I do, nothing would change. Jungkook is seated on a bench on the side of the hallway while I sit beside my dad on the opposite side.

My face is dry and sticky, I'm not crying anymore. The hope I managed to build pushed away the horrible scenarios that stuffed my head. Now that my senses are starting to be aware of the situation, I eye Jungkook in perplex.

I pat my dad's hand before I leave his side, I take a seat beside Jungkook, "why are you still here?" His eyes aren't that clouded anymore, but he looks lost, lost somewhere he fears a lot.

"I-" he stutters, "I couldn't leave."

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this."

He shakes his head and looks at me, his eyes travel down to my knees, "do you feel okay? You've been walking on your unhealed legs all over the place." He notes.

Only then I feel the stinging pain, at some point my pain was forgotten as I fret over my mom but now I feel it. It wasn't helping with my nervous demeanor.

I take in a sharp breath as I see the bandage on my knee red matching the dry stains on my skin, "I'm okay." I lie, "what about you?"

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" He replies quickly letting me know that whatever was going inside his head was something he wanted to throw back and hide so no one would ever know about it.

I nod to him, for now I won't ask, I won't try knowing things he doesn't want me to know.

The door of the emergency room opens and a crew walks out, their faces frowned and their breaths loud as they approach us. The sight only makes my feelings less stable as I stand to my feet, dad and Jungkook doing the same.

"Lee JaeHee's husband, Mr. Hyunsook?" The alpha doctor reads off a paper, calling my father. I watch as my father steps forward, eager to know. I didn't wait, I just looked into that doctors eyes and saw it all. The rush makes me only observe fragments of the happening.

Blood, everywhere.

They clean my mom's wounds before checking them, "she fell on her head so hard and if looks like we have a couple of broken limbs." A female doctor says.

Another doctor, half his face hidden by his mask, eyes a screen before speaking, "we have internal bleeding, it's sever." He notes as the other doctors exchange solemnity.

----

"We'll undergo surgery." The alpha doctor declares.

"We need to move to the surgery room-"

"We have no time!"

----

"Too much bleeding, she won't make it."

My heart falls to my gut as my body shudders violently, "close it up." He orders.

No no no, no!

I take a few steps backwards, bumping into Jungkook's rigid figure, I turn to look at him with a disbelieved face. I see my dad taking one step back as the doctor talks.

"....we did all what we could do, I'm sorry-" I move forward, cutting him off.

"No! You didn't, this can't be, save her! Go back in there and do your job!" I shout, crying while pointing my arm towards the emergency room they left my mom in.

I feel dad pulling me back, "mommy," I cry trying to escape my dad's hold. "This can't be!" This is the end.

"Calm down babygirl," my dad rasps into my ears as I cry my heart out, "calm down."

"I can't..." I go on crying, my shoulders going up and down voilently, I couldn't feel anything except my dad's shaking arms, then my eyes locked with the female doctor's glittering ones as her face reddens in pity.

Her figure shivers and she turns back into the ER to cover my mom's face, that's when I shout out my disbelief in a crying loud scream that could reach the skies from the amount of agony and misery it held.

My body loses all it's might and I feel the darkness overpowering my senses.

I'm over. No life.
It's all f*cked up.

//hopefully I'll manage to update this book weekly from now on. This chapter is dedicated to TaeMinKookie12 for helping me get back to this fanfic and update.
I'll dedicate it properly as soon as I go on my PC ♡♡ 
~yours truly, kaye°