~ I do care ~

"Mingyu told me everything. But he didn't mention one thing. I figured that out as soon as I saw how you were constantly looking at Jungkook." Jennie commented as she joined you in the kitchen.

You silently stood still in front of the electric oven as you were preparing something for Jungkook to eat. It has been around two weeks since the last time you saw him, and of course, you were aware of the fact that he lost weight. Even if he was doing exercises every day, in your eyes he could look better than that. And besides, for Jungkook it wasn't a problem when it came to his physical appearance.
When he was sedated, his brain was in a state of sleepiness, but he could move and eat if you would tell him to. He was like a lost child even if maybe in his consciousness he felt your presence.

You ignored the girl beside you as she was talking to you without pause.  She was trying to provoke you by saying mean things about Jungkook or about what happened between the two of them in your absence. You had no idea what she was trying to do or what she could gain if you would lose your temper.

"So, you like the guy, huh? " She smirked. "Too bad it's one-sided love. I mean, by the way he fucked me,  it didn't seem like he had someone or even cared about another person."

You clenched your fist and bit your tongue. Jennie smiled staring at your blank expression as you started to set the table for dinner.

After the conversation you had with Mingyu last night, you didn't see Jungkook anymore. He locked himself in his bedroom all day long. Now it was 8 pm and still, no trace of him.

Your heart felt heavy since the moment your ways crossed again. He wouldn't look at you. He wouldn't talk to you. He would avoid you like you didn't even exist.

Maybe he really doesn't want me near him anymore. You couldn't stop thinking that.

It was painful. You didn't know what the best thing was to do in this situation. Yet you did know what you wanted to do right at that moment. What you needed. And that was to run away from there and from that overwhelming atmosphere.

And this girl was making the situation more difficult than it already was.
You couldn't deny her beauty. She was younger, beautiful and seemed confident. Your stomach constricted in pain as you pictured them together.

They are both beautiful. And they look so good together. What am I even doing here?  I feel like an intruder. I feel like I don't belong here. Why stay if he doesn't need me?

"You sure know how to control your feelings. It's a little frustrating. How can you survive like this? Because I know that on the inside you are boiling. "

You placed your palms on the table and closed your eyes for a few seconds. When you were about to respond, a noise near the door forced you to stop and turn around.
"Here he is. " Mingyu announced as he pushed Jungkook through the opened door.

"I said I am not hungry. " Jungkook glared at Mingyu.

"I don't care. This girl cooked for you, so you better eat. " Mingyu threatened as he pulled a chair from under the table and sat on it.

Jungkook stared at the table in front of him where you already placed his favorite food on. Then his eyes stopped in yours. For the first time, you weren't smiling. Every time he would look at you, you would smile, because this way, you thought, he would feel more at ease, or it will chase his dark feelings away. But this time you couldn't do it anymore, and you weren't very proud of yourself.

"This girl is really annoying. I hate her. " He sighed.

Mingyu groaned.

You smiled a little.

"Watch your mouth Jungkook. "

"You misunderstood. " You found yourself saying to Mingyu. You couldn't help it. It was like you were set to defend him without even realizing it.

Mingyu raised his eyebrows confused.

"By hating me and calling me annoying, he referred to my stubbornness and how I am stalking him all the time. He... Doesn't hate me for real. " You whispered as your gaze locked with his. "Isn't that right? Well, at least I hope it's like that."

Jungkook's eyes darkened as he stared back at you. They were warm and full of light, it couldn't be otherwise.

Your gaze dropped down to the table as you stood there lost and feeling lonely like never before. But even so, your expression was the same. Blank. Without any trace of feelings.

You sat in front of your plate and stared at it. Even when Jungkook moved and placed himself in front of you, your gaze didn't waver.

"I hope you like it. I did my best. " You said before grabbing your fork and starting to eat.

Mingyu, who was sitting next to you kept silent as he looked your way. You couldn't fool him. He knew better what was happening inside of you. These past years he came to know you and understand you like no one ever could. He didn't know what to say or do to ease your struggles and suffering. So, for now, he chose to keep silent.

As all of you ate dinner in silence, your eyes searched for him. Then your gaze dropped again to the side of his neck.

Jungkook noticed where you were looking at. He quickly covered that spot with his hand, his eyes darkening as he watched you.

You averted your gaze, but he didn't. He tried to read you. He wasn't sure if that thing bothered you much more than you let it show.

You struggled to eat what you had on your plate but eventually, you gave up. You couldn't hide it anymore. Hide that it wasn't bothering you. That you weren't disappointed. You knew that no one could possibly tell another what to do or how to feel. But inside your heart, you still hoped he would say no.

Mingyu couldn't take it anymore and he wrapped his fingers around your hand which was placed on the table.

Your eyes widened. But not only yours but Jennie's also.
Did I mention that Jennie was sitting next to Jungkook?  Of course, she was. XD.

"So, Y/N... Did you tell Jungkook the big news? I am sure he would want to know. After all, you two became kind of close these last few years." Mingyu grinned.

You looked at him in terror.

"What the heck are you trying to do? " You clenched your teeth.

Mingyu interlocked your fingers together. And that brought Jungkook's attention.

"Y/N accepted my proposal. As you all know, I am already 30 so... Why not marry someone as amazing as this girl? "

Your heart was wildly beating, your eyes instantly moved to the person you loved more than yourself. And your heart stopped.

Jungkook was in shock. He was holding his fork so tightly; his knuckles were turning white. Then in less than a second, his eyes started to shine.

"Don't do this Mingyu. I don't want this. " You said to him, only for him to hear.

"Wow. You move fast alright. " Jennie started to laugh. "Who would have known that my lovely cousin would make such a big step in his life? I thought that your work was everything to you. "

Mingyu ignored Jennie as he smiled warmly your way. "Sometimes you really need to think about yourself as well. "

"I hate lies. It's not for me. "

You pulled your hand away from his and decided, you looked toward Jungkook.

"Jungkook... What Mingyu said was all a... "

"I don't care. " Jungkook's voice came out weak. "I really don't care. You can do whatever you want. You can be with whoever you want. Isn't this what you told me so easily?"

Jungkook stood up and left the kitchen. You threw a glare in Mingyu's direction before dashing out of there.

"Kookie listen... " You tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Stop calling me that way. Go away. Just leave. "

"It was a lie ok? There's nothing between the two of us. Mingyu made a joke. But... Why would you care anyway, right? Why would you? You left and... You already found someone else... So easily. " Your voice broke.

You swallowed hard and took a few breaths trying to compose yourself.
"Tomorrow I will leave. And I will never come back. I... I know when I am not wanted. " You whispered as you placed your palm against the door. Again, your voice betrayed you. You were shaking. And you cursed inside your head.

"Why would it be a lie? " You heard Jungkook on the other side of the door.

"What? "

"You are perfect. Mingyu is perfect. Of course, you two would... " His voice trailed off.

"I am not perfect. " You stated. The way he thought of you was annoying.

"It doesn't matter how you see yourself. It matters how am I seeing you. You are perfect. Everything you are doing is perfectly thought out and analyzed. You don't make mistakes. You don't lose yourself. Your actions don't bring pain to others. "

"Then why do I feel like that this perfect me, as you call me, brings you pain?  Doesn't this mean that I am not perfect? "

"I will always drag you down. No matter what I would do, I will never be able to reach you. I will always remain down here. "

You placed your forehead against the door and closed your eyes tightly. "That's why you ran away?  Because you were afraid you would disappoint me?  Because you think you didn't evolve? Because nothing changed? But it did change. Don't you see how much progress you have made? In your place, I would have given up a long time ago. Don't you think that you are way stronger than me? Don't compare our situation. "

"Yes, I left you because of that. But it wasn't the only motive. I did it because... I do care. Why would you think that I don't? "

"So, I did make a mistake after all. You heard the news. Leaving you with the TV on was a big mistake. "

You heard him unlocking and opening the door.
The way he stood there in front of you with his head hanging down, tears on his cheeks, you instinctively made two steps forward and took him in your arms.

"We will talk later about all of this. Now you need rest and sleep. When was the last time you actually slept? Mingyu told me how he heard you screaming in the night. Those nightmares came back?"

Jungkook shook his head as he buried his face into the crook of your neck and breathed you in.

"Then, what changed? "

"You."

"I am in your nightmares? "

"Yes. You are trying to protect me, and you get killed by the police.
In every dream, I am holding you in my arms, but you stop breathing. And I can't make you breathe. I am trying... But I can't. The same dream every fucking night."

"You are leaving me and there's nothing I can do to bring you back. "

"It's just a dream. " You caressed his head gently. "Nothing is real."

Jungkook closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around you pulling you closer. He didn't want to talk about his nightmares anymore. Every time he remembered how it felt to see you dead, it ripped his heart into a million pieces.

"Did I hurt you? You have to tell me. It's so hard for me to understand you."

"No. Now I am happy. If I can hold you like this, there's nothing I could want more. " You clenched your fingers into his hair as you buried your nose into his neck.

"I saw how you looked at me. Does this stupid mark bother you? "

You stubbornly shook your head in denial.

Jungkook tightened his hold on your waist and pulled himself back a little so your gazes could lock.

"I didn't touch her Y/N. Nothing happened between that girl and me. "

"But I thought. "

"You thought wrong. But that doesn't mean that I didn't make a mistake. I... Wanted to. I needed to. And I feel like shit because of that."

"But you stopped. Why?" You asked as you caressed his cheek gently. "Why would you feel guilty? Like I said... You can do whatever you want. You don't belong to anyone. "

Jungkook smiled a little and changed the subject.
"Where is your lip piercing? " He asked, his finger tracing the outline of your lower lip.

"I took it off a long time ago."

"Bring it back. I liked it. "

"Ok. Tomorrow I will buy one."

"Will you stay? "

Your heart jumped in your throat.

"Do you want me to? "

Jungkook bit his lip.
"Stay with me tonight. "

The way he whispered the words, the way he looked at you, made you nervous like never before. You forgot how it was, how you felt when he was looking at you this closely.
Butterflies. There were thousands of butterflies inside your stomach giving you breathing problems.

"I... I feel safe knowing you are next to me. I miss holding you. So, stay."