DAISY

"But to answer your question, I found it at some charity ball for older people that my aunt took me to one evening after my parents fought. It was boring, and there wasn't a single person my age at the party. My aunt just wanted to get me away from the mentally abusive environment I called home. So, there I was at the address you mentioned. I think it was in the kitchen where I found a pile of mail around the island, mostly invoices and organization statements, which no kid cares about. When I saw the letter that stood out among the boring stuff, I couldn't resist. Honestly, I didn't go to the kitchen to snoop at first, because it was wrong, I was only looking for a drink for people my age at the time, and destiny had me pry through the mail. I know I shouldn't have read it—I didn't know who you were trying to reach and I wasted that for you. I'm sorry, Daisy," she says sadly.

I should be the one apologizing to her, not the other way around. Once again, I feel stuck.

"It's okay."

She shakes her head and sighs before saying, "It's not. I invaded someone's privacy. For years now, I feel bad about it. I went back to the house the next year because I couldn't live with myself knowing I stole what wasn't mine. I wanted to return the letter, but there was no one there. The house was closed, and some old man told me the family who used to live there had moved out a month ago." Her eyes are downcast, and I want to wipe the sadness away from her. "I wanted to ask my aunt for their new address given she has to know them if she was at their home on an invitation, but I was too late. You know what happened."

Yes, her aunt, Stephanie, died in a car crash a few weeks before Riley's birthday.

I feel so bad for bringing up this conversation; I didn't mean to dredge up the past. But at least I learned something I didn't know before—the Chandlers moved out of the neighborhood after we did.

"I don't regret it. It led me to you. You have no idea how grateful I am to have someone who understands. You are the best part of my mournful teenage years," I confess honestly.

When the letter didn't return, I thought it never left Hong Kong, and that my teacher was fooling us. But then everyone else started getting responses back, and mine didn't come for weeks. I even gave up waiting. Until one Friday, after the last bell rang, the teacher asked me to stay behind and handed me the first letter I thought Kaiser had written to me.

I felt a rush of excitement I'd never experienced before as I boarded the school bus, clutching the paper in my hand.

But when I got home, I learned it wasn't from my best friend; it was from someone I'd never met. Someone who felt the same way I did.

I was angry at destiny for taking Kaiser away from me, but I later felt obligated to let the girl writing back know that soon everything would be fine. And that was the beginning of Riley's and my strong friendship.

"Me too." She smiles before continuing, "But if I may ask, who was it that you wrote to? Kay, wasn't it? You seem very close with them, but you never mention him or her. Who is Kay?"

I pause and draw in a shaky breath; I must be ghostly white right now.

Yes, I didn't leave out the name, only it wasn't his full name. Fortunately, I used the name I gave him when we were little, and I couldn't pronounce his full name correctly.

"It's been a long time; it doesn't matter anymore," I mumble, looking back at the TV, hoping she understands I'm dismissing the conversation.

For the rest of the day, like the couch potatoes, we are, Riley and I laze around on the couch, eating more cake and watching more episodes until the elevator signals someone's arrival.

I grab my bag and excuse myself to go shower. I know who it is, and I do not want to be near him. I have to stay away.

I can't bring myself to look at him. I kissed him. I threw myself at him. And sadly, I'd do the same—maybe even worse—the more he stays around me.

I'm sure he's just waiting for the right time to use that against me.

***

It was past midnight when the TV and lights were all turned off. I decided to use the printer to get a copy of the West Bay acceptance letter for tomorrow.

I didn't want to rush on my first day of work, so I used tonight to settle my outfit and everything else I'd need in the morning.

But everything fades into the background except for the moans coming from the room that belongs to one of the people I can't get out of my head.

I should turn back to the staircase, but my body isn't listening to my brain. I am utterly ruined inside. The sounds slice through my chest and rip away the slight happiness I had today.

Once again, I'm cursed to listen to Riley and Kay together.

Like a wound, it burns in my heart.

Why am I so foolish, the one they play around with? He might kiss me with diamonds and gold, but in the end, it's her he'll go to sleep with. It's her he'll wake up to. And it's her he'll show to the world.

I'm just a gadget he uses whenever he remembers what he's been through before. I'm his punching bag.

I slide down against the library wall, blocking out the sounds with my palms, my blood rushing through my veins. I pull my knees to my chest, begging God to take away my feelings for Kaiser or take away all my intended achievements and leave me broken.

The next day, I woke up needing more sleep. I want to stay in bed on this Saturday morning and let myself drown in the unfairness of it all since I moved back to this country. But I know I can't. Even with the bitterness in my throat, I let out a groan and huff angrily.