Chapter 33: Her Choice

I yawned for the eighth time since I entered this class. I came in late, wore a rubber shoes instead of my black shoes and forgot my bough tie. At dahil late ako ay hindi ko nakausap ang mga katabi ko from the moment I entered this room, I guess something is wrong with my seatmates. Gray on my side had this very serious and straight face and he never look at me. And he looks mad too, I can feel the imaginary black smoke which screams do not mess with him. Jeremy, on my other side didn't talk to me either. Kapag nale-late ako dati ay nagde-demand siya ng explanation kahit sa pasimpleng pagbulong sa kalagitnaan ng klase. Math on his side, oh I don't really care about her so I just let her sit peacefully and didn't even glance at her.

The reason for this yawning and me being late? Cronus and his curse, damn him! Alright, I stayed awake all night because I kept on thinking about Bacchus. Silly pero nakokonsensya ako dahil sa pagpatay ko sa inosenting ibon. Other than that, my body still hurts like hell and even if I close my eyes, all I feel is the pain.

Antok na antok pa rin ako sa klase so I did so many silly things like doodling nonsense things on my notes, bit my pen, disassembled it and then assembled it back. I was thinking of biting my nails but I was still sane to think that it was gross so I didn't. I braid a strand of my hair, removed my wristwatch and put it back but still no effect. The god of sleepiness is taking me with him. Just when I thought I cannot hold it anymore, Bridle's electronic bell rang, signifying it was time for the most awaited time of most students. Break time.

Tumayo ako mula sa aking upuan at kinuha ang mga libro ko. I decided to take a nap and since my seatmates are acting so indifferent, hindi ko na kailangan pang magpaalam sa kanila. My face still had a scratch and a bruise kaya madalas na napapatingin ang ilan sa mga kaklase ko sa akin ngunit agad din namang nag-iiwas ng tingin pagkatapos ko silang samaan ng tingin.

Ipinasya kong dumaan muna sa locker room bago ako maghanap ng lugar kung saan ako matutulog but right after I put my books on the locker, someone grabbed my shoulders and made me face him. He violently closed the locker and slammed me on it. That person's eye is burning with fire and if you dare to look at it, you will be burn to ashes.

And lately, serious expressions really scares the shit out of me when I saw one on Cronus, then on Cooler at ngayon naman ay sa taong ito.

I have always seen him in a serious mood but not as serious as this. It was seriousness wrapped up in anger. Gray Ivan Silvan isn't the best person to mess up with and I guess that trait runs in the Vander blood. His left arm grabbed me on my bruised shoulder as he pinned me on the set of lockers while his right hand held my left wrist and tightly gripping it. I just hope he has no intention of breaking my bones. Masakit pa rin ang katawan ko dahil sa nangyari sa white room kasama si Hermes and Gray is just making my injury worst!

I made a face due to pain and met his gaze ngunit agad din namang nag-iwas ng tingin. That was a trap! And I don't want to burn myself in his eyes which burns so strong.

"Aray Gray! Nasasaktan ako!".

"So as you are hurting the people who cares for you!", he said right in my face.

"What's wrong with you?", daing ko habang sinusubukang makawala mula sa pagkakahawak niya, but to no avail. He is strong and when someone's angry, they become extra strong just like him right now. Or maybe I was just to weak to free myself.

"No Amber! What is wrong with you." That seems like a statement than a question to me. "Do you mind telling me what happened?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. He's still gripping my arm and I felt sorry for my own body. "I don't know what you are talking about", pagmamaang-maangan ko.

He clicked his tongue. "Cut the crap because I am not buying it. I know what happened."

This time ay tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at sinalubong ang titig niyang tagos hanggang kaluluwa. "Alam mo naman pala, why bother to ask me?!"

Hindi na ako magtataka kung alam niya dahil maliban sa may pakpak ang balita, he got a brother who always call for him as a backup when it comes to me; a half crazy father and Hermes, a reaper whose loyalty surely belongs to the Vanders.

"Fine! I want to be a reaper!"

He puffed in his nose. "Really? Is that the highest paid job now?", he said mockingly.

Hindi ko maiwasang mainis sa kanya. "You know all along that I wanted to kill Detective Tross , Gray!"

"I do. But why wished to be a reaper?", mahigpit pa rin ang pagkakahawak niya at paniguradong madadagdagan ang pasa ko sa katawan. This guy just held me so tight like the way he would hold over a branch of a tree.

Really, I have to reiterate that I want to kill Detective Tross? Ah, maybe I should wear a placard on my body saying I WILL KILL DETECTIVE TROSS at nang hindi na nila ulit-ulitin pa ang tanong nila.

"You know what exactly I want Gray! I want justice for Dad and I am putting it on my own hands. I want my version of justice!", I shouted on his face. Gusto kong umiiyak but crying does no good so I didn't.

He brushed the inside of his cheek using sing tongue. That seriousness on his face has only gotten more serious and more angry. "If justice can only come by killing someone then I don't want it."

I want to hate him. He's been there when I suffered. He knows what I've been through and if there is someone whom I thought who will understand me, I always thought it was him but I was wrong. So damn wrong. "It's not like I will kill without complications Gray. I don't just do it for fun."

"Still not reasonable for taking life that wasn't yours in the first place", matigas niyang wika. "I always thought you think rational but I was wrong."

I scoffed at tinangkang bawiin ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya pero dahil tila bakal ang nakahawak sa akin, I just let him kaysa sa mas lalo pa akong masaktan. "Nasasabi mo lang yan dahil hindo mo naranasan ang mga naranasan ko!"

"Not because you haven't been in darkness doesn't mean you don't know how does it feel to be there Amber! Sometimes we have to close our eyes and feel the darkness there", wika niya. "And that is enough for me to feel how you feel. Sa ilang taon kong pagtulong sa mga kaso Amber, I have heard stories even worst than yours. Victims of massacres, suicidal parents or even those who haven't know their parents on the day that they were born! Hindi lamang ikaw ang may pinakamabigat na pinagdaanan sa mundo!"

That really made me angry and come to think about it for a second. Few days ago, Math told me the same thing.

And because of that, now I am having second thoughts regarding my request to Cronus. Sinalubong ko ang mga mata niya at sinubukang basahin ang emosyong sumasayaw sa apoy na nasa kanyang mga mata.

Our faces were close to each other and right before I will lose the staring contest, bigla na lamang dumating si Jeremy na humihingal.

"G-gray... Amber..." He paused and catch his breath while holding on his knee. "Some...thing...huh.. happen- Wait. Did something happen here too?" He asked and smiled so naughtily.

Gray must have realized what he means kaya binitawan niya ako at bahagyang umatras to distance himself from me.

"Nothing happened here", magkasabay naming wika. We glared at each other and looked away. Mas lalo namang lumawak ang ngiti ni Jeremy and I exactly now what this pig is thinking.

"Really? I wonder what did your lips do to learn this so called synchronized speaking at alam ko ang dahilan dati", wika niya which made me frown. Yeah, remind me to give him a good punch when I recover.

"WALA!" Magkasabay pa rin naming wika.

"Okay! Sabi ninyo eh."

"Anong ipinunta niyo dito?", tanong ni Gray.

"Something serious happened in the book club", wika niya sa amin.

"Something serious as what?"

"Something serious like murder but leaving behind messages for Amber?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. "For me?"

"Yes, your name is written on the clues that were left behind."

"I will check it", wika ni Gray at humakbang palapit kay Jeremy. I was about to take a step to follow me nang nilingon ako ni Gray na nakakunot ang noo.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm checking it out too. Maybe I can help in identifying who and why did the person did it at anong koneksyon ko sa kanya for him to leave clues for me."

He moved his eyebrow like he was surprise for what I said. "Why would you?"

"Why not?"

"Ironic that somewhat who wants to be a reaper will be solving a case. You want to kill people so do not help us identifying killers. Those two are pretty opposite jobs", wika niya sa akin. "I will give you options Amber, put your hands on this and forget about being a reaper or be a reaper and just let this slip. If you have your choice, you can show up or not. And if you decided to show up, you know where the book club is." Bumaling siya kay Jeremy. "Tayo na Jeremy."

Naiwan ako na napatulala sa sinabi niya. He's right. It's ironic that I will help solving a case about murders yet I am about to do the same thing. I sighed as I looked at the two who's walking away. I can still hear Jeremy's question bago sila nakalabas ng locker room.

"Gray, reaper si Amber? Ibig sabihin she raped you?"

"Shut up Puns, there's no time for your puns."

"If she wants to rape you, she could be a therapist", wika ni Jeremy.

"Therapist? Why?"

"Because if you separate the syllables. It reads THE RA PIST. The Rapist. HAHAHAHAHAHA."

His laughter was the last thing that I heard before their voices became inaudible.

Napasandal ako sa mga lockers nang tuluyan na silang mawala as paningin ko. My knees wobble as I think that there is a murder out there and a killer is rooting for me so he left clues. If it would be other situation, I would have hurried there and roam around the crime scene but Gray just gave me options. Be there and forget about being a reaper or be a reaper and forget about helping cases. Pwede ko namang huwag na lamang isipin ang sinabi niya. I can freely go anywhere I want and he cannot do anything to restrain me from doing so.

Pero tama si Gray. It's ironic that I help solving cases yet I will be killing people sooner. I have a strong desire to help the case and the curiosity of why the killer left clues for me but even have a stronger desire to do what I started yesterday. I know I just took a step closer to killing Detective Tross so right now I am very confused.

Dad is the one who gave me strength to everything and to fight with life. I can never fight for myself but for him I will. Ngunit kaya ko na ba talagang gawin iyon? My knees are weak and the next thing I knew was that I was sitting on the floor and hugging my knees.

Tinago iyon ni Daddy sa akin because he is ashamed of it. Ayaw niyang malaman ko ang tungkol doon dahil pinalaki niya ako ayon sa gusto niya at hindi bilang katulad niya. Do I need to be someone that he doesn't want me to be just to seek revenge for him? Naramdaman ko ang mga luhang tumulo mula sa mga mata ko habang nagtatalo sa utak ko ang dalawang bagay kung itutuloy ko ba o hindi ang sinimula ko kahapon. Making a decision is very crucial and my choice would determine my future. Be a murderer or be someone who helps identifying murderers.

I wiped my tears and got up. Huminga ako ng malalim at pumikit habang iniisip ang isang bagay-

Ang daan patungo sa clubroom ng Book Club.

#

-ShinichiLaaabs