Minho

Minho was thrown into his room, which was really just a holding cell. He immediately collapsed to the floor. He had no strength left, his body was exhausted, beaten and bruised and his mind was sore and broken. Every muscle in his body hurt, he was covered in bruises and needle pokes and his head was pounding. The headache was a constant in his life now. The cold tile floor felt soothing on his pounding head, and his sore mind. He lay on the floor with his eyes closed, unable to harness the energy to crawl to his bed.

Maybe if I just die now I won't have to go back. I can just die right now. It would be so easy, my heart could stop...and I could die.... slip into sweet black nothing. Didn't that already happen? What happened? Did I die? How did it stop...heart stopped beating...

He gasped. Everything was black, but he felt a rush of air in his lungs. And then he gasped again. He didn't open his eyes, but feeling came back into his body, his hearing kicked in, everything was loud. He felt something heavy and warm slide off him. He felt cold all of a sudden, the warmth from whatever was on top of him was gone. He let out a quiet moan. Everything was sore. He heard a loud sob. His fuzzy brain was confused.

Who was crying? Why? They sound distraught.

The sob sounded familiar. There was a sudden weight on his chest. It was warm, and comforting, despite the crying. It made the pain in his muscles go away. It made him feel safe, and the anxiety went away and that things could be okay.

"Minho! Shuck Minho! You died! Minho! Your heart stopped! It stopped! You died!"

He knew that voice. It was his favorite voice.

Alex. Alex was upset? I thought she hated me... didn't she try killing me thought? Why would she be upset about it now..? 

She was crying.

I died? My...heart stopped?

He didn't like it when she cried, it made his heart hurt, he wanted to make it stop. It took a lot of effort, but he raised a sore arm and laid his hand on the back of her head. It took even more effort, but he forced his eyelids open with a groan. She lifted her head and he met the most beautiful hazel eyes. Her brown eyes with flecks of green and gold. Eyes that look sad and desperate, pleading for his life.

"Minho?" She whimpered.

"Ya...ya ..I'm okay."

"No! No! Your heart stopped! It stopped! You died!" She choked on the last part. Big fat tears running down her beautiful dirty face.

"It's working...it's working now." He said quietly, his voice was tired and his throat felt dry and gravely. Everything was tired. And everything hurt so shucken much! He lifted his other arm and pulled her close. She let him hold her for a moment. 

"What happened?" His voice was scratchy and thin.

"You were struck by lightning." Newt answered, awe in his voice. "And Alex bloody brought you back from the dead!"

"Struck by lightning? Oh." He was quiet for a moment. "Did I get any super powers?" He asked. He wanted Alex to smile, he was okay now, no need for tears.

Alex couldn't help it, she laughed.

My favorite sound..I think, I kind of remember the sound of her laugh. 

The tight knot of anxiety in his gut loosened just a little while he thought back to her eyes lighting up when he gasped back to life, and when she laughed at his ridiculous question. 

"Ya Love. And I'll call you Flash from now on!" 

Minho laughed.

Her cheekiness and quick wit always made him smile. Alex raised her head from his chest. And kissed him, making his heart beat faster.

Yup, definitely working!

She pulled away, "don't you ever shuckin do that to me again!"

He smirked at her and lifted a finger and drew an X over his heart.

That memory was different. It didn't have a shininess to it. And it didn't seem...stiff and jerky. His mind was so confused. He couldn't figure out what was real and what was not. Did his heart really stop? Did Alex really bring him back? She seemed genuinely upset. His memory then made it seem like she loved him. But in other memories she was a monster, a WICKED spy and supporter, sent to their maze meant to kill and betray him...right?

He was too tired to figure it out now. He let the coolness of the floor ease his headache and he fell into a restless sleep, too exhausted to climb into bed.

____________________

Alex

Alex stood in the shower letting the water wash away the last of the Doctor's blood. She knew she was due for a lecture from Vince. He didn't like how she defied his meticulous plans. Again. But she always got the information. She never risked anyone's life but her own, she didn't see what his problem was. He knew she would go rogue with their targets, but he never volunteered to get the information from their targets. Every planning meeting, all eyes always travelled to Alex when it came to gathering the information from the targets.

Alex growled in frustration as she turned the water off. She dried off, rewrapped her forearm, the fresh cuts were still really tender. She didn't mean to cut so deep, but that crank voice needed to be silenced. She got dressed and grabbed the bottle of whatever alcohol she had stolen from the kitchen when she got back. She quickly checked on Chloe and Reagan, kissed the girls goodnight, making sure they were safe and letting them know she was back and safe then went to her spot up the mountain.

The Right Arm had set up camp a week ago, in an abandoned fishing village right on the coast. Sitting with her back to the ocean Alex sipped from the bottle. She refused to go to the beach, or even sit and look at the ocean. It was something she and Minho planned to do together. It was their dream. She wasn't going to do it alone, not until he was beside her. Alex had spent the week curled up in bed, refusing to eat. Frypan and Jorge were the ones bringing her food and making her eat, making sure she drank enough water. Newt had sat with her not saying anything, but sat with her head in his lap so she wasn't alone. He understood her deep dark depression. He refused to let her be alone, and that was probably a good thing, she had some pretty dark and scary thoughts that week. The crank voice in her head was really loud.

Today was the only reason she got out of bed, mission day. She hated listening to the ocean at night. It mocked her, reminding her of what was ripped from her.

Her spot was up the mountain where the village was nestled under, up on a small ledge. There were two ways to her look-out spot, one from the sandy beach, which she refused to use and another straight from the village.

She was facing away from the ocean and the setting sun. Stubbornly not looking. She took another long swig. It burnt on the way down but it made her feel warm and tingly. It made her head spin and most importantly it made the voice be quiet; it made it easier to sleep. When Alex asked about why some drinks didn't affect her as much after one night when everyone else got drunk and she didn't. He had explained it was her metabolism, just like her super powered immune system her metabolism was super powered- thank you WICKED and those shucked up injections.  Dr Prior said it would take close to triple, if not more, the amount of regular alcohol to affect her. So she always went straight for the hard liqueur, and it was now taking even more just to feel the buzz and to shut that crank voice up. She was falling down a deep dark pit of self destruction and she had no idea how to claw her way back up.

She had just finished her drink when she heard footsteps behind her. Alex threw the bottle and watched it smash at the bottom of the ledge when he sat down beside her and bumped her shoulder. He didn't say anything, just sat quiet beside her. And she appreciated the silence.

"Alex?...are.. you okay?" Newt finally asked.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He wasn't looking at her, instead looking straight ahead, over the village.

She chewed her bottom lip, and thought about how to answer that.

Do I tell him about the voice? Do I tell him it's harder and harder to keep calm? The longer it takes to rescue Sonya, Tes and Minho the more reckless I get? Do I tell him about the amount of alcohol it takes to shut it up now? Do I tell him about the new scars on my arm? My body count?

She settled with, "No Newt. I'm not Okay."

She sighed quietly. She heard him hum. He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, still not really looking at her. Alex's body stiffened. She didn't like being touched lately either. It brought back all the horrible memories of the chains and wall. Newt didn't take his arm away. Instead he pulled her closer. She was forced to lean into him.

"Relax. I'm your brother, I'm not going to bloody strangle you or touch you like that." He said gently.

He didn't move after that. He held her gently but firmly, he didn't let go or force anything else. Alex's body slowly relaxed, giving into the touch. Eventually she laid her head on his shoulder. She took a big shaking breath in, she had starved her self of physical touch. She was even leery of hugs from her Power Squad sisters. She only really let Chloe and Reagan hug her. 

"Now. Explain." He said firmly. He didn't say anything else. Waiting patiently for her to speak.

"Dr. Prior says it's all trauma responses... a coping mechanism..or defence mechanism. Also...symptoms of that crank bite. Maybe." She shrugged. She paused, looking down at her hands, she continued quietly. "But it's been almost 7 months, Newt. I don't think it's the crank. Brenda seems perfectly fine, she doesn't lose her klunk, or..or ...I'm just..." Alex trailed off. "I'm losing myself, Newt." She whispered.

Alex could hear Newt hum again. He went to grab and hold her hand but grabbed her wrist instead and she ripped her arm away, sat up straight with a hiss, clutched her arm to her chest.

"What? What happened? What did I do?" He yelled, jumping up. Worry washed across his face. Alex sat breathing deep clutching her arm. It was throbbing now, sending sharp stinging pain through her whole arm. Her last cut was a little too deep. And she could feel it bleeding fresh again.

Shuck. Well no he's going to find out.

Newt slowly sat back down, but facing her now.

"What happened?" He asked, it was gentle but left no room for arguments.

Alex looked away from his gaze, his big chocolate brown eyes full of concern and love. Maybe it was because he was her older brother, or it was just his personality or something else ...but she couldn't hide a secret from him. He would eventually find out. He never judged her...disapproved, sure. Scolded her, ya. But he was always there for her. Always. Alex sighed, and looked back at Newt. His deep chocolate brown eyes never left hers.

"Sibling code?" She whispered, looking down again.

"Sibling code." He repeated quietly, he held out his hand waiting. Alex stretched out her arm, wrist up. He gently pulled her jacket sleeve up, making her wince. There was now fresh blood slowly seeping through her gauze. He looked up into her guilty face. He knew. He knew exactly what happened. His eyes went back down to her forearm and gently unwrapped it. His sharp intake of breath was worse than yelling at her. She closed her eyes, ashamed. From her wrist to the crock of her elbow were thin white scars from all the cuts she made in the last 7 months.

"These three fresh ones..? From today?" he asked quietly.

She nodded.

"The three are for..?"

It was quiet between them.

"I think you know exactly what, Newt." She mumbled, still too ashamed to look into his kind gentle eyes. He sighed sadly.

"Every mission?" He asked cautiously.

She nodded again. Then scoffed. Her frustration bubbled to the surface again. It came spilling out, and she let it out on Newt, her voice was raw with the pain and hurt.

"Vince says he'll ban me from going on any more missions because of my 'unmanageable and reckless behaviour', but he won't. He KNOWS what happens to all his 'targets'. Everyone shucken knows what I do with them! But he lets me do it anyway...it's easier on his conscience;  just ignores what I do. turning a blind eye. He could easily interrogate them himself, or Cap...but no! He appoints me, never voices an alternative...makes it easier to rid WICKED of another monster, because I'm shucken willing to do what needs to be done. Send in the kid with no morals. Vince never steps up for any of the dirty work, he just sends in the WICKED trained soldier, the kid with her personal vendetta. He knows what I do to them! And yet, every shucken time Newt, it's on me. I didn't ask for any of this...But, whatever. I'll do it, cause he's a shucken slint faced coward! I'd do it again, I'd kill each one of them again! I'd kill every single WICKED target again and again, if it means we can get Minho, Sonya and Tes back. I'd walk through hell...I'd kill every single WICKED employee. People ask me all the time, 'Don't know how you do it?' I wasn't given a shucken choice, Newt!" she rambled angrily.

"How long have you been doing this?" He asked, the sorrow in his voice just about made her cry.

"The day they took him...them. One line for each life I've been responsible for. Starting with Adam." She whispered, barely audible.

"Alex....Adam and the boys in the Glade were not your fault. Chuck, Alby, Matt, Zart, Pedro, Winston, Jeff, Clint, A.J and Leo even Bark were not your fault. None of that was your fault! Why...why would you do this?" His voice broke at the end.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING NEWT!" She screamed, ripping her arm out of his gentle hands and back to her chest. She could feel the sting of angry tears, and the tightness in her throat. She looked away again when his face sagged, and she could see his eyes getting glassy. She took a shaky inhale.

"Feelings hurt. Feeling just ends up breaking my heart over and over. And...and it ..it makes the voice stop." She could feel her chest getting tight.

No. I won't cry. Crying doesn't help. It just wastes time and energy. And it means I feel something.

"Voice?" He asked as he gently took her arm back into his lap and wrapped her arm back up. He didn't let go after, holding her hand.

"Ya..ever since The Underneath, in the scorch I've had a voice...she's me..but not, its a crank version of me, I guess. It's...it's..self destructive and tells me my worst fears...she shucken scares me! It's the Only thing that scares me. That and Christ still haunts my nightmares, but instead of the deadheads it's in the Red Room at the chain wall." Alex shifted uncomfortably. 

This was the most she talked about what was going on with her in months. She didn't like it. He was making all the emotions she shoved inside her stone box come clawing out.

"I'm not saying I approve, but... I understand." He said quietly. Alex looked desperately into his gentle eyes.

"I was so lost in the maze. I was the opposite, I was numb and wanted to feel something. And that's why I jumped..." He trailed off, he had subconsciously rubbed his leg.

"I guess we're both pretty shucked up." Alex gave him a half hearted sad smile. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Ya...I guess so. But I found a better way to deal with my issues than dangerous motorbike driving and self harming and self medicating." He indicated the smashed bottle down below.

"I finally realized there were people who loved me, cared for me and genuinely wanted what was best for me. My friends became my family. I leaned on them when I couldn't stand on my own..literally and figuratively."

"But...they took my family Newt...they killed my family... and every time I open up...it's ripped away." She said miserably.

Alex blinked rapidly, holding back her tears. Newt pulled her into a hug, she finally gave up fighting the touching and she laid her head on his shoulder, he rubbed her arm.

"I know...but also, what am I? Chopped liver? But we still have people around us right now who love us. I know you and Vince clash heads..but he dose care, he does, just doesn't get you. You have brothers and sisters all around you, Brenda, Frypan, Tommy, Harriet, Finn and Kenzie, Chloe, Little Reagan, me...you have Captain Ronin and Jorge.. Who is the real father figure in your life. We all care about you."

Alex shifted uncomfortably, he was right...Newt is always right. Doesn't mean it's always easy. Telling him about her demons was one thing, but telling the others everything? No. She just shrugged.

"Will you come down to the beach with the rest of us? Thomas just finished his meeting with Vince, Jorge and Cap." Newt asked hopefully.

"No." She said flatly, pulling away, closing up her emotions again. He sighed again.

"Okay. It was worth a try. I know it was a thing with you and Min. Just please..no more." He indicated to her arm. "We need you alive. Minho and Sonya and Tes...need you. I need you Alex." He said sternly, but gently.

She just nodded. He got up, kissed the top of her head and left her in the quiet. A few minutes later she heard footsteps again. A new fresh bottle was dangled in front of her face. Alex took it and opened it.

"Looks like you needed another." Brenda stated.

Harriet and Brenda plunked down. Kenzie sat down with a moan.

"You getting old there Kenz?" Brenda teased.

"I hate laying on a hard roof all day!" She complained.

She moaned again as she shifted, then threw an arm over Alex, Brenda doing the same. Alex was sandwiched between the girls, much to her discomfort. Brenda held her drink out in front of her. Kenzie copied her, with a goofy grin on her face. Harriet doing the same.

"A toast. The last bit of information was expertly extracted today, by our Alex the Ace. We can finally get Minho back so Alex can finally have another mood other than angry and sarcastic!" Kenzie hollered.

Brenda, Kenzie and Harriet clinked their bottles together. Behind them there were loud "HERE HERE!" and "CHEERS TO THAT!".

Alex looked behind her, Newt was leading the guys up to her ledge. She glared at him. He just smiled gently back at her, and quietly said, "You need company right now, love. Trust me."

Everyone had their own bottle, and Frypan passed out some snacks. The guys sat down on the edge of the ledge too. It was quiet for a few minutes, until Thomas held his drink out.

"To getting Sonya, Aris, Tes and Minho back!"

Everyone cheered.

Alex actually let a corner of her lip lift into a smile, a small spark of hope flared inside her chest, it was small, but it was there. She caught Newt's eye.

"Thank you." she mouthed. He nodded at her and took a sip of his drink. 

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**Some hard topics in this chapter, but such a sweet moment with Alex and Newt.