Alex sat bolt upright shaking and covered in sweat. Her nightmares were getting worse. It took a few seconds of wild flailing and gasping to figure out she was in the med room in one of the beds. She was alone, except for a small silhouette of a child. The child was standing over the bed, hands out trying to calm Alex down.

"Chloe?!" Alex huffed, "what the shuck?"

She lay back down with a moan. A hand on her forehead, her head was pounding and her stomach felt really sick.

"What - and I can't stress this enough-the bloody shuck?" She asked again.

Chloe had sat back down on her chair beside the bed, her little hands in fists, she was glaring at Alex. 

"One. You're a complete idiot." She held up a finger, "Two. That was the stupidest idiotic thing you could have done!" She held up a second finger, "And three. YOU'RE A MORON!!" Chloe scolded, now holding up three fingers. She huffed and crossed her arms, and pressing her lips together, glared at Alex.

"You've been hanging out with Brenda and Kenzie too much! They're a bad influence!" Alex mumbled.

"No!" Spat Chloe. "You drank so much Dr Prior had to pump your stomach! And apparently tats a huge deal- cause they said something like your metabolism or something is ridiculous- that amount on a regular person would have killed at least three grown men the size of Cap! ALEX THAT"S RIDICULOUS YOU IDIOT!" Chloe screamed the last part at her, making Alex wince, her voice was shrill and sent a sharp pain through her head.  After Chloe caught her breath she continued. 

"And your lucky Jorge, Captain and Thomas found you before you chopped your wrist off! Or you would have bled to death!" Her small voice broke. Tears spilt over her bottom lashes.

Everything came flooding back. The bottle from the kitchen cupboards, her break down, the horrible voice, the knife and the footsteps and gentle hands.

"Chloe..."Alex muttered.

"What?" she snapped, her arms still crossed.

"Pass me that bucket! I'm going to be sick!" She pointed to the bucket sitting beside the table.

Chloe sprang up, grabbed it and chucked it at Alex. Alex let her stomach do its thing, wishing Minho was here to hold her hair. Last time she had a hangover was in Marcus's club; Minho had been so sweet and gentle. Once her stomach was empty Chloe took the bucket to the bathroom while Alex lay back down with a moan. Chloe came storming back into the room.

"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! EVER! I ALREADY LOST MY MOM AND DAD! AND THEN MY BROTHER! I CAN'T-" Chloe screamed. Her voice broke, "..I can't..please don't leave me too!" She sobbed. At the moment the door banged open and another small little body came sprinting inside. 

"You hurt yourself! They said you really hurt yourself!" Reagan cried. 

Shame filled Alex. She curled into a ball, her head hidden under her good arm. Silent tears fell onto the scratchy white sheets. She felt the mattress dip. And someone small scrambled up onto the bed. And then she felt two small warm bodies snuggle up beside her. All three girls cried, once the tears turned to sniffles it went quiet. 

Alex glanced down, and saw that Reagan had already fallen asleep. She looked over at the other girl.

"Chloe, what happened?" Alex's voice was barely above a whisper.

Chloe propped her head on her hand, looking over Reagan's sleeping body. 

"Let me explain...no wait, there was too much, let me sum it up: you left the med building, I saw you looking really upset. I talked to Newt, everyone knew you weren't doing good 'cause Minho wasn't on the train...everyone was worried about you. Everyone broke off into groups to find you. Jorge, Captain and Thomas heard you screaming, found you on top of one of the roofs. Brought you to Dr Prior and nurse Amy. They had to use some weird skin healing contraption on your arm and then wrapped it and had to make you throw up...pumped your stomach I think I heard when I listened in on the conversation between Dr Prior and everyone. I don't know, no one tells me anything cuz I'm 'just a child'. Then they had a meeting. Thomas got really mad at Vince. A WICKED Berg got really close; we had to have a black out drill...except it wasn't a drill. And that's all I know, I snuck back here during the black out, and apparently Ray followed me."

"That's a lot to take in." Alex muttered. Her head was pounding and her stomach felt sick.

"Ya, especially with that hangover!" Teased Chloe.

Alex pulled the blanket over all of them. Her eyes were getting heavy again. She needed this headache to go away. They both fell asleep, Reagan between them.

____________________

Alex slowly woke up and she felt something warm and solid beside her.

Minho?

She didn't want to open her eyes. She was back in the Glade, in her bed, with Minho safe and sound beside her. They had to wake up and go running.

She felt another body move. 

Matt? Chuck? We're just sitting by the campfire again, we all fell asleep after laughing and I sang them a few lullabies. 

She opened her eyes. And disappointment hit like a herd of Grievers. It wasn't Minho. And she wasn't in the Glad. It wasn't Chuck or Matt, and she wasn't by the fire side. She blinked back tears of disappointment.

Her head wasn't pounding as hard and her insides didn't want to immediately vacate her body.

Perks of a shucked up science experiment body.

 She slowly sat up, not wanting to disturb the children sleeping beside her. It was still dark outside. Her watch from the Glad said 430am. Alex tried to slip out of bed, but when she put weight on her arm she gasped in pain, and brought her arm up to her chest, holding it, protecting it.

Holding her arm to her chest, she slid out of the bed. Quietly slipped her boots on and tip toed out the door. She needed Newt. She needed her brother and his advice..she didn't want to admit it, but she really wanted one of his hugs.

She made her way to the house the boys slept in. She opened the door.

"Newt?" She whispered

No answer. She silently tiptoed to his bed.

"Newt?"

It was empty.

Alex checked each bed. Frypan, Newt, Thomas and Finn, they were all empty. Puzzled, Alex flicked the light on. Empty. And all of them were cold, still made. They weren't slept in. Their packs and weapons were gone too.

"The shuck?" She whispered to herself.

She turned the light off, closed the door and went to the girl's house. She thomased her way into their sleeping area, and made her way to Brenda.

"Bee?" She whispered, shaking her friend.

"Piss off," she grumbled.

"Nah, pissing YOU off is more fun" Alex sassed back

"Alex?" She asked sleepily.

"No, it's the shucken bloody tooth fairy, shuck face" Alex rolled her eyes.

Brenda slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"So. She's back from the dead." She yawned, eyeing her, taking in her appearance.

"What can I say? I'm an immortal goddess." Alex sassed.

Brenda snorted. "Not looking like that you 'aint! So, what's the reason for a middle of the night wake up?"

"In my defence, I was left unsupervised..." Alex snarked.

Brenda snorted and then groaned while she propped herself up onto her elbows.

"Where are the boys? They aren't in their beds." Alex asked, getting right to it, sitting in the edge of Brenda's bed

"They aren't?" She asked, sitting up.

"Nope. Beds empty, and backpacks gone." Alex confirmed.

"Something's up...come on let's go take a look around. Thomas was pretty upset at the meeting yesterday...Wake Kenz." Brenda leaned over and pulled her boots on. Alex shook Kenzie awake.

"Waaa? Waasgoin' on?" She asked sleepily.

"Boys are gone. Were gonin' on a wild goose chase, they probably did something stupid. You coming?" Brenda called from the other side of the room. Kenzie shot out of bed, already pulling her cargo pants and boots on.

"Shut it sticks!" Grumbled Harriet, "people are trying to sleep."

Kenzie snorted and chucked a pillow at her. Harriet just grabbed it, rolled over and went back to sleep hugging it. Alex and Brenda rolled their eyes.

"Newt's gone?" A small voice from the corner asked.

Alex spun around, she didn't realize Sonya was sleeping in their dorm, but it made sense, she knew and trusted Harriet.

Wonder where Aris is..he wasn't in the guys room...maybe he went with? Who the shuck knows. He keeps to himself.

Alex cautiously made her way over to Sonya's bed. She hesitantly sat on the edge, Alex didn't make eye contact, she grabbed a piece of hair and spun it between her fingers.

"Umm...Sonya...I'm sorry about earlier.. I didn't mean to ditch you in the med wing. I just...just...I don't know. I couldn't keep it together anymore." She whispered to her knees.

A warm hand grabbed hers, holding it tight.

"I get it. You were hoping Minho was there. I know you love him, remember? For a little while our chips were linked and I could feel your emotions. I know how much he means to you." She paused, and took a slow breath, "And I know you remember and know him better."

"Son-" Alex started, but her sister cut her off.

"No. It's true. You got to know him in the maze, you lived together for months and then in the Safe Haven and then the scorch. You were together. We only had a few brief conversations and then like a few hours before I was taken. It's not your fault you feel disappointment. And I don't blame you at all for being upset. Everyone was. It's just harder on you. The guys don't love him in the same way you do. Don't feel bad, because I don't."

She turned Alex's hand over so Alex's forearm was face up. Alex looked away again. Shame and guilt washed over her. Brenda and Kenzie came over and also sat down around her.

"Please don't do that again. Okay? We can't lose you too. We all lost too much. We know the pain and struggle-" Sonya started.

"No. You don't." Alex snapped, pulling her wrist free and holding it up against her chest.

"Then tell us. Let us in. There is zero judgment. Power Squad Sister is a zero judgment zone. Lay it on us." Kenzie pleaded, her big brown eyes begging.

"You'd be surprised, Stick, we've all been through some shit." Harriet called from her bed. Obviously she wasn't sleeping.

Do I tell them everything? The only one who knows everything is Newt...and even then he had to pray it out.

"Go on..tell them! And watch them leave you too! Who would want to be friends with a murder and liar? You worthless excuse of a human!" The crank voice cackled in her head.

Alex's chest heaved, she tried to stifle a sob. But the girls were too close, they heard, and they could see her body shake. Sonya, Brenda and Kenzie wrapped her in a group hug, even Harriet got out of bed and came over to pat her knee. She was never one for touching.

"Are you...sure? If ...if I tell you everything...you guys won't want to be around me. Never mind friends..." Alex mumbled.

"Ha! I like living dangerously!" Brenda scoffed.

Alex let out another sob.

"Way to go you twat waffle!" Kenzie scolded and smacked Brenda's head.

"What? What did I say?" looking at the girls in confusion.

"Minho said the same thing when...when..." Alex choked, she used the back of her hand to wipe the tears that slid down to her chin. "He said the same thing...when I told him of my past with WICKED."

"Oh." Brenda rubbed the back of her neck, "uh..sorry."

Alex sniffed and wiped her eyes. "You really want to know?" Alex looked up at the girls around her.

They all nodded. Sonya reached out and grabbed her bandaged hand, pulling it down gently, keeping ahold of her hand in her lap. Kenzie was sitting beside her, her hand rubbing her back. Harriet and Brenda sat on the bed opposite.

"Girl we've been with you for what? Right months? We've been through some stuff. We trust each other in sniper life and death situations. Trust us with the crap tone of baggage your carrying." Brenda said.

"Amen Sis." Kenzie nodded. Harriet nodded along. She had been with them, not as tight but she was always there.

"Well it all starts with...with.." Alex paused, closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath and very controlled exhaul. The girls sat patient waiting for her to continue.

"It started with Chris. He was always a creep, but one night he was jacked up from the Griever poison, he attacked me. Beat me, touched me...would have rapped me and then killed me if Minho hadn't found me."

The girls sat, with wide eyes and stiff backs. Sonya gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

Alex took another deep breath, and continued. "Having to shoot Ben, fighting two Grievers alone, losing boys when the Grievers attacked The Glade, losing Alby...losing even more of my family in the fight out of the maze. My little Matt ripped from my arms and smashed and splattered into the wall, Jeff sacrificing himself for Minho and me, losing Bark, Chuck shot in the chest and dying in my arms..."

Alex's chest heaved a few times. The girls were patient. Alex hadn't ever opened up and told the girls anything about her past or time in the maze. Sonya and Harriet had their own trauma from their maze, but they never had to deal with hormonal teenage boys. Alex got her breathing under control and continued.

"Everything that happened in the WICKED facility; apparently I was dying, the chip in our brains," she looked up at Sonya and Harriet, they both nodded. "It was killing me. My shucked science experiment of a body was ripping it apart. Then in the Scorch watching friends be eaten.. Clint sacrificing himself, he ripped his arm from my hands and I watched his body break. Winston deciding suicide was better than Cranking out... getting separated, the.. Underneath..."

Everyone shuddered. They all heard stories and rumors of what it was like from other people. Brenda was down there for a time too, but with Thomas as company.

"I had to fight for Chloe and my life against gone cranks and her brother...who turned. I was bit by a a fully gone crank, he took a chunk with him. Chloe's brother...He made me promise to shoot him...and called me... screamed at me , calling me a coward...I shot him, point blank in the head. Getting kidnapped. Sold...and then.."

Alex's chest and throat felt tight. Her breathing became shallow. She didn't realize it, but she was squeezing Sonya's hand, she immediately let go when she heard Sonya squeak. Alex wrapped her arms around herself instead.

"I was...was..drugged, chained to a wall, and cranks paid to... I was...by guys who paid for it! They ripped my clothes off, touched me, licked me, kissed me in places no one...they did things to me I will never ever forget. Touched, beaten...raped."

The girls gasped, eyes wide in horror, mouths wide but nothing came out. Alex doubled over and cried, her chest hurt and her stomach felt sick. She had never actually told anyone, everyone just assumed...and they were right. Minho had brushed by it, he told her he still loved her even after cranks forced themselves on her... but she never ever voiced it out loud to anyone.

Sonya had pulled her into her chest and Alex cried. For the first time in a very long time she allowed herself to mourn her past and her innocence. She cried out of anger and frustration, but she never let herself cry because she was mourning. She cried because she was in pain and she finally released it, in the form of huge sobbs and giant hot tears into her sister's chest. Sonya didn't say anything, just held her and stroked her hair.

Alex slowly sat up, wiping the tears away with the palm of her hand.

"I killed the ones that sold and bought me. And I had no regrets." Alex growled. Anger flooding her veins. Tears still leaked out of her eyes.

"Then I found out I was a mistake, some shucked up science experiment from the WICKED labs, I was the first and only human lab rat for some super soldier experiment. Tes was used to betray us with a mind control chip. I tried to save you, Sonya...I did. But I failed. I wasn't fast enough."

Alex turned her head to her sister. She also had tears falling down her beaten and bruised face.

"Minho shoved me away, into the Captain- who held me back, yelling he would do it and then he was caught by them..." It was Sonya's turn to hold back a cry.

"And then...you guys were gone. For seven... eight months we had to plan and get information. Every time I was sent out...I was reckless and stupid. Seeking an adrenaline rush that got worse and worse. I killed every target and anyone who claimed to work with WICKED ..Vince wanted them alive. I didn't. I hate them all! I killed them...every single one. And then...I would take painkillers, and...and ..try to take any feelings away with a knife ... and then drink until I was numb.."

When she finished she couldn't look at the girls around her. She expected them to get up and leave. Except they wrapped her up in a big hug again.

"Ya, okay, you win for most shucked up." Brenda said.

That made Alex snort softly. "Thanks. A title I was aiming for."

"I could make you a crown?" she teased.

Alex smiled sadly at her friend. All her friends. They still sat beside her, as she spilt all her dirty secrets, laying everything out, and yet they stayed. They held her hand and didn't look at her any differently. Sonya squeezed her hand.

"Please..don't do this anymore." She lifted Alex's wrapped arm up, "Please. Come find me..or one of us or Newt..someone! Yesterday after you left...we couldn't find you and then we heard..we heard you screaming but we couldn't find you! And when I saw Jorge and that huge guy rush you to the Doctor...Alex you were covered in blood! I thought you had stabbed yourself and died! Alex, that was so scary!" Sonya pleaded, her eyes welling up with tears again.

Alex didn't think about how her actions to herself affected the people around her. She figured she was only harming herself, because the knife was only ever cutting her, she was only drinking to numb her pain. She didn't realize how it hurt others to watch her hurt herself. Shame washed over her again, she dropped her head.

"I'm...I'm sorry." Alex whispered, "I..I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted...to not feel anymore. It hurts so shucken much."

"We get it. WICKED screwed us all over. We just don't want them to take you too." Brenda said gently, but firmly.