~Sadness is also a kind of defense~

•••

      "Tae, can you... you do me a favor?" the curvy haired-man asks, and the older one playing gently with his hair, smiling in the same time— he loves to do this thing.

      "Of course, my love. Just ask and I will do anything for you." the CEO comments, looking softly at his angel.

     The younger one smiles a little at his turn, then closes his eyes for a moment.

      "If... If I die, burry me under a cherry tree. I... I love how they bloom in every spring. They... They look so beautiful."  this request makes the other one to stop from touching the younger's hair, then sighs.

     Again. Jungkook really likes to make him suffer like this? Why? Just why he needs to talk like this all the time?

      "Jungkook, how many times I told you... just, don't talk like this. Why you need to say stuff like this, angel? Why?" the older one asks, eyes tired and red, because he barely slept yesterday.

      The doll eyed-boy moves his glance to the floor, feeling even worse instantly, because of his lover's hurt voice. He really doesn't mean to hurt him, but he wants to prepare him somehow for everything is possible.

     "M'sorry." the younger one mumbles then straights his voice.

     "Please, just stop doing this, stop saying this type of things. You will be okay, angel. I promised you, and this promise I will keep it for sure, not matter what." the blue eyed-man comments softly, caressing the younger's left cheek.

      "Do you... Do you don't need to go at the company? What's the time? I guess it's pretty late, isn't it?" Jungkook asks, and the other one just takes his phone out from his pocket, looking at the clock.

      "It's past three pm." Taehyung answers and the younger one frowns in a few seconds, then tries to gets up.

      "Easy, love." the older one says, then gets up at his turn from the chair, helping him carefully.

     He then arranges a pillow behind Jungkook and the other just smiles weakly at him in gratitude.

      "You should be at the company now, Tae. You don't have to worry about me, I am good by my own." the doll eyed-boy comments but the CEO doesn't look convinced at all.

     "Why you want me to go? You want to ran away, right?" he jokes after, but this suggest doesn't look so bad in Jungkook's mind.

      Yeah, he really could try this— he hates the hospitals— but it will be just useless. Taehyung will brought him back anyway, so will be just a waste of diesel fuel.

      "You shouldn't ignore your responsibilities. You make me feel exactly like a burden, you don't want this, right?" the younger one tries to convince him, and the other one just chuckles at his angel's cute try.

      "You can't be a burden, and I will keep saying this, until you will believe as well. And about the responsibilities... you and Yoonhyo will be always my priorities, Kook. So you don't have to worry about anything else, just focus on getting well soon, so I can get back at my work." the older one replies amused, and the younger one looks at him, eyes big with love, while his cheeks become redder instantly.

      "Why you always... say stuff like those?" Jungkook whispers then moves his glance to the window, while the other one raise his left eyebrow.

      "What I said? It is nothing more but the truth, angel. You and Yoonhyo will be always the ones to come first, before anything else." the older one admits, then kiss the man's left hand. "After all, you and my son are my future." he says after, while Jungkook blinks a few times.

      "How... how can you say something like this? You know... life is totally unexpected, you can't even think about what will happen tomorrow, then how can you about the future?" the bunny boy manages to ask, and the other one doesn't need time to think for an answer. 

      "I once read a quote that stuck in my mind and it sounds like, "It doesn't matter how dark your life is, but when that special person comes into it, it will light up immediately." the CEO starts and the younger one listens to him intently. "Then I laughed right away, and I told myself that that special person didn't exist, that it was just crap. That's because of what happened with Lisa. But then ... then you showed up, and I slowly began to wonder if you are not... you're not the one who will light up my life too. And to be honest, I have no idea what the future holds for me tomorrow, in a week, a month, a year or a long time. But I know that all will be more than okay, if you will be by my side, on my right side, holding my hand, and letting me be the one who is beside you, instead." Taehyung finishes after, and the younger one remains speechless, without having any idea for a replying. 

     Probably if he hadn't been on a hospital bed, full of medical equipment around him and feeling like he didn't have much until he fainted again, Jungkook would have died, but because of shame or shyness, not because of his stupid illness. But now he can't, he can't fully enjoy those words. Taehyung sees a future for the two of them, but Jungkook can't even promise him tomorrow. Taehyung wants to stand to his right, to hold his hand, but Jungkook has no idea if he can stand next to him with just one word. So how could he? How could he dream of a future with Taehyung and Yoonhyo too? How could he do that if he isn't sure he'd be alive just by tomorrow?

       How can he hope for a future full of color and happiness, if he now sinks into a present full of pain and darkness?

       "I... I am a little sleepy." the younger one lies, then he sits down slowly on the bed exactly like before, and the other nods.

     He lied. He is not sleepy at all (heck he can barely get some sleep lately) but he did this, because he can not answers to the older one in the same way as he did. He cannot enjoy Taehyung's sweet words, while the bitter taste of reality hurts him.

     "Sleep, my love. I will be here when you will wake up." Taehyung whispers and the younger one  refrains from crying again.

***

      "Why... Why I am so pathetic?" the curvy haired-man asks, breath heavy and head dizzy, while he looks in the mirror. 

     In the mirror he sees nothing but a ghost of the boy he once was. He is pale, extremely pale. The lips are somewhere green or blue, the forehead is full of sweat, and it is clear that he has lost a lot of weight. The black bags under his eyes show that he hasn't been very sleepy lately, either (or he just was not able to sleep). Yes, he is weak, but not just physically. He is more mentally weak. He gave up, he gave up for a while.

       "Fu- fuck." he manages to mumble when a pain begins to run through his whole body, and then a cough begins.

      He tries not to cough too hard, so as not to be heard by Taehyung (who is waiting for him outside the bathroom), and for this reason, other tears begin to fall from his eyes, because of the pain. He puts his hand to his mouth, and when the cough stops a little and he takes his hand from his mouth, he notices how his hand is full of red liquid. Blood. His own blood. 

     He tries to ignore the trembling sensation that envelops his whole body, then turns on the tap water, and then washes his hand of blood. Then he takes some water and throws it in his mouth, hoping that he will get rid of the metallic taste of the blood. But of course, in vain. 

      If that's how his parents feel when they was on his situation, then Jungkook must admit that they were more than strong. Because they have endured much longer than he will be able to. He knows his limits and knows that he doesn't have much until he gives up completely. And even if his heart breaks in two at the very thought, there is nothing he can do. It hurts his soul to know that very soon he will have to leave Joshua, Hoseok, Yoonhyo ... Taehyung. This pain is even harsher than the disease itself. 

      The fact that everything can be finished much faster than it would have prepared, irritates and scares him at the same time. He loves talking to Joshua and Hoseok. He loves to take care of Yoonhyo and play with him. But most of all, he loves being around Taehyung and feeling what it's like to be truly fulfilled. And the thought that all this could end very, very soon ... terrifies him.

       You don't have to worry about tomorrow until you know that today you could have your last day on Earth. You don't worry about the people you're leaving behind, at least not until you start seeing them farther and farther away. You keep telling yourself that it is normal to die, sooner or later, of old age, illness or various accidents, we all die. But that doesn't mean you can put fear and sadness aside. That doesn't mean you can pretend all the time, that you're perfectly okay with that. Even more painful than dying unexpectedly is knowing that you can die at any moment, and being afraid to close your eyes just to sleep. Why? Because you could fall asleep forever, and then you will never be able to wake up again, no matter how hard you try. 

      And that's not fair, but that means life. A packet of bitter candies, which have a nice packaging. After all, no one has been allowed to live forever, we will all have the same fate, whether we like it or not.

       "Jungkook, everything is alright?" a thick voice is heard from behind the door, and the other begins to cry even louder, silently.

      Another strong cough starts to burn his chest, and this time he can't hide the sound. More than likely his boyfriend heard.

     "Kook, you are fine? Can I come in?"  Taehyung's worried voice makes Jungkook close his eyes for a moment, trying to calm down.

     He has to calm down, Taehyung doesn't have to see him in this way. He has to ... he has to be stronger. And yet ... he can't. He can't recover no matter how hard he tries, and this annoys him to the core. It would have been much better if her boyfriend had accepted the bunny boy's request, and gone to work. Why couldn't the younger one insist more? 

     At the moment he does not realize what is happening, but the next moment, he hears a bang on the door, and hears the familiar voice of Taehyung in the background. However, he cannot understand what he is saying. He simply can't hold on to the CEO's words, no matter how hard he tries to focus. Then he sees him. He sees his boyfriend running towards him, along with two other nurses, as his gaze becomes more and more blurred. Taehyung starts to fidget and talk to him, but Jungkook still can't understand what he's saying. 

     He swallows the vomiting sensation he has, and this only causes him to have another strong, bloody cough. He can see the worry in his boyfriend's eyes even if his vision is already blurred as hell, and then the older takes him in his arms, running with him towards the exit of the bathroom. He tries to understand what is going on around him, but all he can see are some silhouettes.

      His gaze darkens, his head becomes much more painful than before, and then his eyes become too tired to keep them open. And even if he's suffered these things before, this time ... he feels it's much worse.

_____

Ah, new chapter angels!!! This book will be finished in three days I guess hihi^^

I wait for your opinions and ilyyyy