"I've decided to journey to the dark tower. It's my belief that Guinevere has been imprisoned there. I don't know what horrors will be waiting, so I'll travel alone," Arthur announced, and I turned to give him an incredulous look.

"No," Elyan demanded.

"I'm sorry, but I've made my decision."

"You can't stop me Arthur, she is my sister."

"Nor me either. She's our Queen," Percival agreed, standing.

"And our friend," Leon added, standing beside him.

"She's a maiden in a tower. A damsel in distress. I was born for this moment," Gwaine joked, and I gave an amused grin.

"You can turn back Merlin," Arthur told his servant.

"I made you a promise remember?" Merlin asked, and I smiled at the way they looked at each other. Their brotherly connection was admirable.

It took me a moment before I realized the men turned to me.

"Oh please, I didn't come all the way here expecting some perilous journey with a mad, murdering sorceress waiting for us at the end of it just to change my mind now that my expectations have been confirmed," I told them in a tone that rivaled Arthur's haughty know-it-all tone. "I thought it was assumed."

I heard the men chuckle and I sent Arthur a wink before I strapped my pack back onto my horse.

~:~:~:~:~

We had been trekking through the forest the entire day, and my arms (not to mention every other muscle in my body) were beyond exhausted. But still, I continued to slash through the branches as we passed, trying desperately to make it through.

"We should have made it out of the forest by now," Leon noted, and I saw Arthur stop. Panting, I made my way forward to him.

"Look," he called, walking over to a tree.

"What is it?" Gwaine asked, and I held my hand out for the red fabric Arthur held. He placed it in my palm and I showed the men. Gwaine showed us the hole in his cape, and I nearly groaned.

"How can that be?" Elyan asked incredulously.

"We've gone around in a circle," Arthur announced, and I watched as he threw his sword to the ground. "We've wasted an entire day!" He screamed, and I winced. I was never a fan of loud noises.

Arthur sunk to the ground in defeat.

"Let's make camp for the night. Get some rest and pick up fresh in the morning," Leon offered, and the men got to work while I knelt down beside the King, taking his hand comfortingly.

"I made you a promise." I turned to see Merlin talking to Arthur, and I felt my heart swell. "Remember? We will bring her home." The men glanced at him, all of them looking thoughtful as they went back to what they were doing.

"I hope that by coming along, this is your way of saying you accept mine and Gwen's offer to become our ward," Arthur said, and I turned back to him, guilt filling me.

"Has Gwen told you what I confided in her?" I asked, my voice hoarse, and I cleared my throat. I hadn't spoken once since that morning, and though it wasn't an uncommon thing for me to stay silent, particularly on journeys, my voice had a tendency to show its lack of use.

"She told me you had something you wished to speak with us about before making your decision, but she didn't say what it was."

"Because I can not accept without you and Gwen knowing and accepting this issue," I insisted. "And it is not something I can tell you unless the time is right... I just need you and Gwen to know that no matter what, I will always love and serve you... and only you." Arthur looked suspicious and concerned as he looked upon me.

"May I make guesses?" I couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"You may," I conceded.

"If I guess correctly, will you tell me?" He was obviously trying to dispel some of the tense air.

"Perhaps."

"'Perhaps,' isn't a straight answer."

"This isn't something to be taken lightly, Arthur," I admitted seriously, feeling sadness and pain bubble up inside me. "I fear it is something that could very well put significant strain on everything regarding my relation to not only you and Gwen, but everyone I hold dear."

"Have you... had a child?"

"Oh heavens no," I told him, chuckling.

"Are you secretly married?"

"Absolutely not."

"Are you in a secret relationship with Mordred?"

"Mordred?" I asked blushingly, trying to sound incredulous. "Why in the world would you think something like that?"

"That would account for his daydreams on his first mission," Elyan agreed, hearing the King's slightly more light-hearted tone and joining into the conversation.

"Not to mention the way you greeted him when he arrived back at the castle," Leon said.

"And that time I found you dancing together in the hallway," Percival added, making my blush multiply.

"We've done that since we were children," I defended. "He's my best friend, of course I'm going to be ecstatic when he gets back from a mission that could have gone terribly awry. And-and Mordred and I are both known to daydream-"

"About each other?" Gwaine joined in and the men laughed.

"No!"

"Ah, perhaps you're daydreaming about me, then?" Gwaine asked haughtily.

"I've always just daydreamed about silly, nonsensical things-"

"So you do daydream about Gwaine?" Leon asked, making the men laugh once more.

"No!"

"But you do care for him," Merlin butted in, his tone much more serious, and the men's laughter died down a bit when they noticed Merlin's demeanor. "Mordred, I mean. And he for you."

"Of course," I agreed, slightly breathless from all the confusion and embarrassment. "We've been best friends since the day we met."

"I'm not talking about in a friendly way, Ariel," Merlin denied knowingly, and I swallowed hard. "I told you once that you loved him. I know you do."

I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. I didn't want to talk about this in front of all the knights. I grabbed my water bottle, gathering Arthur's and Merlin's as well in silence before nodding to the others.

"A fish may love a bird, Merlin, but where will they live?" I asked rhetorically in a quiet voice, finally voicing the doubt that led me to hold back my emotions. The doubt that led to so much fear whenever I was about to voice my emotions to the man I cared for. That he was too beautiful, too wonderful, too everything. I felt the eyes of everyone in the camp on me, and tears pricked my eyes as I turned to find a stream at which to refill the water bottles.

"Perhaps the fish is not really a fish at all, but a bird herself," I heard Merlin call after me, and I bit my lip, a tear falling. I said nothing as I continued my trek away from the men.

~:~:~:~:~

I sat to refill the water bottles, suddenly feeling very small. To be honest, I had never really faced my doubt before. I kept it locked away in a box, silent to all the world. Including myself.

Mordred was a knight. I was... nothing. I had no status, I had no job to do, I was just sitting there in limbo, unable to make any decisions or do anything useful. Mordred was destined to be a great and powerful sorcerer, a close confidant of the King, and me? There was a possibility that I would lead Armageddon. I didn't know what role I would play in any of this. I couldn't agree to be the ward of Gwen and Arthur unless I told them of my magic, I couldn't very well become a knight...

For the first time, I realized that Mordred deserved better than a lost girl with no parents and no idea what she was doing or where she was going.

My only purpose was to change Mordred's fate. My prophecy said nothing about how or when or what I would be doing afterward. Perhaps that meant I was destined to die.

Either way, Mordred deserved a caring, kind girl with a future and passion and a heart of gold and inexplicable beauty to go with it. Not a girl who was frightened and worrisome and uncertain and often impetuous. A girl who had no idea who she was or who she wanted to become.

I mean what kind of a best friend leaves nothing but a note behind for her friend to find while she goes off on a dangerous journey? What kind of stupidity was that? If Mordred did that to me, I'm certain I would worry endlessly and my heart would break. Mordred was worth so much more than a silly note.

How stupid could I be?

And honestly, romance? For someone like me? Someone who was unworthy for any human being, let alone the greatest man to have ever walked the earth? Please.

I made my way back to the camp in silence, wiping my tears away quickly. I handed everyone their water bottles, nodding when they thanked me. I made supper in silence and served it, not even managing a smile when the men spent the entire time wondering what was different about it until Arthur, in the end, told them I was a vegetarian and I didn't eat meat, and they all looked into their bowls before looking back at me and then back to their bowls again, obviously uncertain of what to say on the topic.

I offered - no, I asked to do the washing that evening, suddenly wishing I had time to just be alone. I was off in my own world again, somewhere completely out of reality, stuck in memories of times long ago.

I thought back to the times I just sat with Mordred by a stream or in the middle of a field, just watching the clouds or making shapes in the water, and I smiled at the bittersweet memories.

Before I knew it, I was humming a song I would sing all the time when I was younger. A simple song, but a beautiful song. A song I couldn't believe I had forgotten. I would sing it all the time when I worked or daydreamed, and if I was lucky, Mordred would join in. He used to ask me to sing all the time. He loved it when I sang, and I loved singing. Especially if it was for him. Before I knew it, I was singing quietly, my soprano voice echoing slightly in the stream. My voice was nowhere near beautiful. But it was soft and gentle, and it was a pleasant sound. Mordred was the only person in the world who truly loved it when I sang.

"But come ye back when summer's in the meadow," I sang, my voice sweet and slow. Oh, how I missed this. "Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow.... And I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow... Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so..."

I heard a twig snap behind me, and I opted to hum the song, making it seem like I was engrossed in the song as I listened closely as the footsteps came closer, and when they were upon me, I had my knife out and at their throat in an instant.

But when I saw their shocked face, my eyes widened and I dropped my knife like it was on fire.

"I heard you singing," he admitted, still holding his hands up. "You have a pretty voice, I've never heard anything like it... It's like bells..."

"Thank you, Elyan," I said stupidly, feeling slightly awkward. "I... Apologize, I was in my own world. For a moment, I forgot I wasn't alone."

"You were right when you said you had quick reflexes," he offered, a small smile growing, and I blushed slightly, nodding.

"Thank you," I conceded. "But I'm not formally trained in any of this, I work purely on instinct, which is certainly nothing to be praised for."

"And where did you get this instinct of yours?"

There was a long silence, and I took a deep breath before turning back around and continuing the washing.

"I was a Druid once," I began. "Protected by the community. But once they were raided..." I trailed off and I heard Elyan sit beside me.

"Didn't you have Mordred?" The mere mention of his name made my heart ache.

"For a time," I agreed. "We were separated a few times when he joined the only people he could find refuge with."

"And left you alone?"

"I refused to join league with certain people he associated with."

"But he was your best friend."

"He was my entire world," I sighed heavily. "Even then... But I could not stand by him when he was hurting so many... When Merlin and Arthur found us months ago... that was the first time I was really going to give in to Mordred's wishes. I had gone months with little food, surviving on your own as a vegetarian that far north is near impossible... I felt I had no other choice."

"Why didn't you come to Camelot? Weren't you friends with Arthur and Merlin? With Gwen?"

"I was... But Mordred was... is... my best friend. I could not abandon him out there on his own."

"Why did you not bring him to Camelot with you?" I sighed once again and put down my washing.

"It's very... complicated, Elyan... I can not speak of it."

"You have magic, don't you?" My heart nearly stopped in my chest, and I was frozen. "Both of you?" I kept my mouth shut as my heart began to race. Elyan took my hand and peeked up at me. "It's alright, Ariel... I swear on my life I won't tell anyone about you or Mordred."

"We were born with it," I insisted, looking up at him in fear. He needed to understand. "We didn't ask for it."

"Don't be afraid." His eyes were serious, and I nodded with a gulp. "Just breathe."

"We were both given our gifts," I told him, still rather frantic. "Neither of us had to learn much of anything. We just... knew."

"Do you use magic often?"

"I haven't used much of it at all since I entered Camelot."

"What sort of things do you do with magic?" Elyan looked genuinely curious, but for a moment, I didn't answer.

"There are a great many things you can do with sorcery... But I prefer to stick to simpler things. Beautiful things--things that make people smile."

"Such as?" I bit my lip and looked around for an idea when I noticed one of the most beautiful peonies I'd ever seen, and I picked it.

"Mordred made me flower crowns every year for my birthday once I turned sixteen," I began. "He would enchant them so they would never die, but I feared with all our travels, they would get crushed." I looked at the peony and smiled gently, cupping my hand around its petals. "So, sometimes I would shrink them first, to become the size of a ring or a bracelet, but..." My eyes flashed silver, and I removed the hand covering the flower to reveal the same peony, now shining in the moonlight. "I would always turn them into something a little more substantial." I handed him the flower, now made of gold. "Something that would last, but would never take away from its natural beauty."

The look of awed happiness on Elyan's face as he removed his glove and took the flower made me smile.

"It's beautiful," he breathed, looking between me and the flower in happiness.

"It's difficult, being a sorceress," I admitted quietly. "The moment a person knows you can do such a thing, you're either exploited or they try to burn you at the stake... They do anything they can to either kill you or profit from you." Elyan looked at me sadly. "And many are afraid... Even those who claim to support it fear it more often than not."

"This is why you have not accepted my sister's offer?"

"Of course it is."

"But magic is allowed in Camelot now."

"But is it allowed in the hearts of the King and Queen?" I asked.

"Gwen would never-"

"And what of Arthur?" he looked thoughtful. "I can not enter into this agreement with a clear conscience knowing that to accept would be the equivalent of betraying their trust, but I can not bring myself to deny them because I do not wish to break their hearts or make them believe I do not wish to be a family with them... And... because, selfishly, I want nothing more than to accept and be a part of their family. Of your family."

Elyan was silent for a time before he nodded in understanding. I nodded to the flower in his hands. "Keep it," I insisted. "Do what you wish with it. Give it to a lover, or maybe even your sister... sell it, do whatever you want with it. You like it, I can tell."

"I don't want to take advantage-"

"I use my magic to spread happiness, and this makes you happy," I insisted. I sent him a small, happy smile. "Please, I insist you keep it." I went back to washing the dishes. Eylan reached to help, but I shook my head. "I'll do them," I told him. "Stuff like this, stuff that keeps my mind off of everything... it helps me relax."

"Why don't you use your magic for things like this?" He was genuinely curious.

"First, because I do not wish to be caught."

"What about when you're alone? When no one else is around?"

"You can never be too careful," I shrugged. "But in addition, I'd feel as though, by using my gifts, I'd be betraying my friends... Lying to them... And as I said before, things like this, methodic things... It helps keep my mind off things."

"Things like Mordred?"

There was another silence, and I once again stopped what I was doing, pushing the emotions that welled up in me away.

"What about him?" I asked, getting back to work.

"Why would you say what you did?"

"About what?"

"About Mordred?"

"I've always said he's my best friend," I shrugged, pretending I didn't know what he was talking about, but he took ahold of my arm, looking at me seriously.

"I'm talking about what you said earlier, about a fish loving a bird, and you know it."

"Mordred is so much more than you know, Elyan... He was given his powers for a reason. He has a purpose, a future, a path. He knows who he is, and he knows who he wants to become... I was given my powers for a similar reason. However, nothing is said about my future, and... I'm uncertain of what I wish to become, where I wish to go, what I want to do in life..."

"Well eventually, you'll become the King and Queen's ward."

"Possibly... If I am to be accepted as I am for who I am."

"You will be."

I just took a deep breath and got back to work, finishing the last couple bowls.

"Either way, I don't know who I am," I admitted. "I was certain, once. I know to whom I am loyal, and I know whom I care for the most, and I know where I stand in all of this, but I don't know myself. No one deserves someone as out-of-place as me. Least of all Mordred."

"But you do love him."

I sighed as I gathered the things together.

"A fish may love a bird," I repeated before I stood to go back to camp.

"There is still hope yet, Ariel," Elyan called, and I looked back to him. "You are a lovely young woman. A headstrong, passionate, kind, and curious girl. And I have faith that one day, you'll see that."

My chest hurt as I swallowed and nodded in thanks, trying to hide my heartbreak as I turned and walked back to the others.

On my way there, I passed Merlin, who looked sad, and I nodded to him, knowing that my conversation with Elyan was one he heard, but one he also understood to be private.