2013
(K19, A18)

The cloudy sky made the room bask in almost complete darkness tonight. A perfect night to sleep undisturbed. The house is so quiet that only one boy's sniffles could be heard under the covers.

In a blink of an eye, it's down to seven days before Kongpob leaves me for two years. There's just so much that's going on inside of me that I can't even describe it properly. I'm happy to have met him. Before he came along, I always felt like there was something missing, like I was incomplete. Even amongst friends, I would sometimes feel like an outsider looking in. I just felt indifferent and aloof about most things. I always felt like I was looking for something, but I didn't know what. It's like looking in a pantry full of snacks, yet there's nothing inside that you want. Or even worse, it's like a closet full of clothes, yet you still have nothing to wear. That's the way I felt everyday until I met him.

Kongpob has a way of making everyday mundane little things so much better. No matter rain or shine. Like on a nice sunny day we went and painted Kongpob's grandpa's old fence. The same fence we jumped over on our first date. We ended up with more paint on ourselves than the fence we were painting because we kept fooling around. Then we had to rinse off the paint with the water hose, soaking each other from head to toe. We couldn't stop laughing.

And on a rainy day, we stayed inside and rolled around in bed. We narrated mangas and made out in between here and there. We didn't have elaborate dates or fancy dinners. We are just two poor teenagers trying to make the most of what little time we have left together.

I'm so glad that Kongpob wasn't mad when I told him the truth about our first three dates. I don't know what I would have done if he was, and broke up with me. Call me silly, but I was really scared at that moment. He's just so perfect and honest all the time. I really didn't know what his response would have been knowing his new boyfriend is a liar.

Flashback

I was upset about the fact that everyone in the world seemed to have met Kongpob before I had. I can't believe even my mother said she had met Kongpob way back over ten years ago. She even rubbed it in my face that I could have met him earlier if I had only hung out with my sister more like a good brother. Why is fate so cruel to us? We've danced around each for thirteen years.

"Kongpob, it's just not fair. Why did everyone meet you ten years ago, and I've only just met you? Why? And you have to leave soon. It's not fair."

"Arthit, we didn't meet because we weren't meant to meet yet. Maybe if we had met long ago, we wouldn't feel the same as we do now. Maybe you wouldn't like the dorky me when I was younger." Kongpob chuckled and rocked me a bit to cheer me up.

"No, I remember how you used to look. You looked just as dorky as now." I pushed Kongpob away from me and sat on the bed. I can't believe he's not bothered at all. Why couldn't he have visited our house all these years? I'm usually at home. We could have met earlier if he had.

I watched him as he walked around looking at my robot models and manga collection. He completely ignored the fact that I'm still upset here.

"So, you want to tell me why you haven't called or texted me?"

Shit! I was planning to get my phone back and call Kongpob to tell him that I was sick for the past few days. Kongpob wasn't supposed to be here. What would Kongpob say if I told him I have been sneaking out to see him? Would Kongpob be disappointed in me? Would Kongpob be upset that I lied to him day after day? Kongpob is such an honest person, would he break up with me over this?

As scared as I was, I decided I must tell the truth before it got out of hand. It's not like he would have believed me if I said I was sick anyway since he's here. So, I got up from the bed and hugged him from behind. I couldn't look him in the eyes as I mustered the courage to tell him the truth. Also, I wanted to soften the blow. I held onto him tightly and rested my head on the back of his shoulder before I started to speak.

"Kongpob, can you promise me you won't break up with me if I told you why? You can be mad at me if you want to, but please don't break up with me."

Kongpob tried to turn around, but I wouldn't let him. So, he stayed put, and placed his hands on top of my arms that were wrapped around him.

"Okay, I promise. So what happened? Are you okay?" Kongpob asked, sounding concerned.

"Kongpob, I'm actually grounded. My parents grounded me since that night in the rain. I didn't answer their calls the following day which was our first date. I knew they would make me come home, but I didn't want to leave you. They grounded me that night and took away my phone. Then I snuck out to meet you for the next two days. I was caught when I came home Wednesday. That was the day my mom got robbed, and my dad came back from the hospital with my mom. So, I was caught red-handed. I had returned my phone back to my dad, and I promised to serve my remaining punishment. That's why I couldn't call you, and I didn't want to cheat and use Krystal's phone. Now you know the truth. Are you disappointed in me?"

"Arthit, I'm sorry I was the cause of all this, and you got punished because of me. I shouldn't have come here, but I really missed you. I hope you won't get punished more because of my being here. Should I leave now?" Kongpob tried to pry my arms off him, but I held on tighter instead.

"No. It's not your fault. It was all me. Just tell me you're not mad at me. Please. Kongpob, don't leave. I've missed you too."

"I'm not mad at you Arthit. I'm just worried. I don't want you to get too carried away. We are still very young. There's a lot of time ahead of us if we are meant to be. Since we've agreed to start dating, I've told myself to think positive. Instead of thinking about how many days left until I leave, can you think of how many years we will have when I come back?"

"Do you promise to come back to me?" I wiped my misty eyes on the back of his shirt.

Kongpob again tried to turn around, but this time I didn't stop him. He turned around and hugged me instead. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck. I know in life there's no guarantee, but I still want to hear it.

"I promise. But you also have to promise me to still have fun even when I'm away, okay? I don't want you to miss out on life just waiting around for me."

I know he means well, but why did it hurt hearing these words from him? It feels like he's telling me to forget him.

"Just come back as quickly as possible. Okay? Then you will make it up to me."

"Okay." Kongpob chuckled.

End of flashback

I've been secretly crying at night since day ten counting down. I can't help it. I know I promised Kongpob to start thinking positive, but it's going to be two years. Two years! Anything can happen. I know we can talk on the phone and over the internet, but it's not the same. I'm going to miss him so much.

Then there are needs. We've only started making out. But what if he gets curious about sex? We're both virgins right now, but what if he wants sex later and I'm not there? Would he do it with someone else? I don't want my first time with anyone else. I want to be each other's first and only for everything.

But what if he feels lonely and I'm not there for him? What if he meets someone else over there, and he doesn't come back? Then what would happen to me? Am I going to die alone? I don't think I will ever feel this way about another person. What should I do?

I fluffed my pillow for the tenth time or so. I just can't sleep with all these questions weighing on my mind. There are only seven days left until I have to say goodbye.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Oon, I can't sleep like this. Do you want to talk about it?"

~~~~~~
AN: Sweets, sorry for the late update. I know this one is short. But I've realized that I can't write long POVs without droning on the same thing over and over again. So, I would rather not. I hope you enjoyed anyway. 😌

Facts:

Curtsy,
Lana ❤️