2013
(K19, A18)

All was quiet. Nothing stirred except for the sound of the old house creaking. Laying in bed, Arthit looked out his window. The moon hung high, and far in a distance. It looked small, yet extremely bright. For some reason he didn't want to close the curtains. However, he knew he would regret this decision the next morning. That is, if he ever manages to fall asleep. His room felt very lonely and silent tonight. His big doe eyes refused to stay shut no matter how he tried. He has been rolling around for hours. Sighing every time he turned to sleep on the other side. His heart was aching like it had never ached before. He felt like a ton of bricks was on top of his chest, making it hard to breathe, or even to sigh.

Arthit was so happy in the morning, yet so sad in the evening. All the events throughout the day kept replaying in his mind over and over again. From their simple innocent touches to the heartbreaking tears. The heart racing, and butterflies tumbling every time he was near. Every moment was etched into his memory, and burned into his heart. When did it all start? He kept asking himself. It was never clear. Did it start when he was seventeen? Fourteen? Twelve? Five? He doesn't know. But what he does know is that it started a long time ago.

His feelings for an elusive boy with a beautiful smile had long started before there was a name to call him. It was subtle. So subtle that it was dismissed as only a wonder. A curiosity at best. But that curiosity grew over time. Each encounter made him yearn for the next. Now, it's undeniable with the ache in his chest. Arthit has never experienced this feeling before, but he knew it must be what he wanted, yet feared the most. It must be the feeling of love. But where's the bliss? Where's the hope?

What do you do with a love that is slipping away before you can even hold it? A love that has a time limit. A love that will be oceans apart. A love that has no time to grow. A love that still has no answer. How do you stop something so deeply rooted? How can he possibly sleep with all these questions?

It would have been so much easier before he realized it. Before it settled. Before it solidified. Before it bloomed. Before he knew it was doomed.

As Kongpob shared his reason for leaving, Arthit couldn't even find words to describe his feelings. Arthit felt sad that his new found love was leaving. He felt mad that fate had been teasing. He felt disappointed for just realizing. But what he also couldn't help feeling was falling deeper. Falling deeper into the hopeless pit of the beautiful boy that sat across from him. Their eyes met with unspoken understanding that they both knew the other's feelings. Their walk to the bus stop was filled with melancholy, and silence amongst the bustling streets. Their parting was a simple goodbye coupled with a longing stare.

Arthit closed his eyes once again, willing sleep to claim him. Let slumber takeover, and numb the pain. Another hour passed, his eyes were still blinking. He tossed again to the other side where the pillow felt cooler against his cheek. A glance at the alarm clock, and it was showing two in the morning.

Arthit finally gave up on the idea of sleep. He ruffled his hair, and rubbed the little sleepiness if any away. He got out of bed, and threw on some shorts along with his favorite red hoodie. He needed some air. He let his feet carry him wherever the path was clear.

~~~~~~

"Keep it. So we would always have this story." These are the words that kept repeating in his mind. Apparently, they've shared quite a few stories in the past. A sad smile crossed his face. Playing with the dog tag between his fingers, he laid back against his headboard. It was hard watching Arthit get on that bus tonight. Kongpob's heart felt a pang looking at his melancholic face. They are nearly still strangers, yet it feels like they've known each other all their lives.

Kongpob has been steering clear of any romantic relations for years. Before his grandpa passed away, he was too young to understand them. After his grandpa passed away, he avoided them all together. He knew his plan to leave long ago. He strived real hard to achieve his goals, and keep his promise to his grandpa. So, he was careful to never lead anyone on. He has nothing to offer, but heartache. He doesn't want to hurt anyone. Yet, tonight he failed.

Not only did he hurt someone, but he pained himself too. There was this inexplicable pull between him and Arthit. He felt it. He felt it every time he saw him. He knew he shouldn't have spent more time with Arthit, but he couldn't help himself from wanting to. Every moment together felt right with a sense of belonging.

He is so conflicted with his own emotions. He doesn't know what to do about them. At the end of the night, he wanted to hold Arthit's hand, but he was too afraid to touch him. He wanted to know what Arthit feels, but he was too afraid to ask. He wants to hear him say yes, but he prays that he says no. Because he is leaving, and that is a fact. He doesn't want anyone to be sad over him, especially Arthit. He can't be selfish.

He released a big breath of air trying to lift the heaviness constricting his chest with no success. Another dozen sighs later, he finally got out of bed. Jogging always helped him clear his mind, and think better. He quickly got dressed putting a light jacket on. He took a step outside, and there was a light drizzle mimicking how he felt inside. Kongpob turned around to go back, but an umbrella by the door caught his eyes. He took it as a sign that he is meant to go outside.

With the light rain drizzling, Kongpob couldn't jog like he wanted to. Instead he strolled in the rain aimlessly. The same streets he has walked on countless times feels completely different tonight. Even though he still knows exactly where every crack on the sidewalk is, and how many potholes are down the road, something is different tonight. Sounds of cars from a distance driving on the wet roads, and splashing water could be heard in the otherwise silence of the night.

Maybe it's the darkness of the night that makes it feel so lonely. Kong's heart remained heavy all the same. Kongpob strolled down block after block with no turns in between. The drizzle remained light and steady.

He came to the corner of a street, and the 'do not cross' sign was flashing. Not a single car could be seen. Kongpob surely could have just kept walking. And many people would do just that.

Kongpob stood still watching the count down of the opposite crossing. He only crossed the street when the walking signal finally blinked. And even though there were no cars around, he quickly crossed the street. His umbrella hindered him from seeing clearly.

"Ooph!"

Kongpob tried to steady himself, and the person he ran into while still juggling his umbrella. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run...."

"Kongpob!" The person suddenly hugged him tightly, wrapping his arms behind his neck.

Kongpob returned the hug with one arm around the other's waist. He recognized the voice despite not being able to see his face properly. "Arthit, what are you doing out so late? And you're all wet."

"Tell me the reason you are out here so late is the same as me Kongpob. Tell me." Arthit's words were muffled against Kongpob's neck, but Kongpob still heard him clearly.

"Yes. It's the same." Kongpob said with his heart racing. He leaned his head slightly on Arthit's. Feeling their hearts beat against each other. Words felt rather than spoken.

Arthit tightened his hold after hearing the words he wanted to hear. Kongpob's body felt so warm in contrast to himself. It really wasn't cold out. It's actually barely enough rain to cool down the summer heat of Bangkok. But having his clothes damp from the drizzle stuck to his body like a wet blanket for so long made his body shiver with the slightest breeze.

After a few more heartbeats, Arthit pulled away to look at Kongpob. Their eyes meet, searching each other's for an answer to an unspoken question.

Do you feel the same?

Kongpob moved the few wet strands of hair from Arthit's face to the side. His fingers caressed his skin along the side of his face.

Arthit watched Kongpob intently. It was now or never, he told himself. Arthit grabbed Kongpob's face with both hands, taking a small step forward, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips . . . Arthit's face lingered a hair's breadth away. Waiting. Waiting for the other to run, or stay.

Kongpob dropped the umbrella, and pulled Arthit close by his waist, and smashed their lips together. Arthit wrapped his hands behind Kongpob's neck to pull him closer. Their bodies trembled, and their hearts raced. Both unsure what they are doing, but neither wanted to stop. Both giving their first kiss away. Lips pecking, teeth grazing, and tongues licking. One tongue braver than the other's, finally slipped into the other's mouth. Tongues colliding to and fro. Both eager to connect, and discover every corner of each other's mouth. Their tongues continued to tango until they both needed air.

They slowly pulled apart, and broke the small string of saliva between them. Their lips were now wet and swollen. Still holding onto each other, they rested their foreheads together. Both not ready to let go yet.

"What do we do now?"

~~~~~~
AN: Hi Sweets. Here's my promised update. It's kind of sad. I tried to describe their first kiss, but I'm not sure if I conveyed it well enough. I don't remember mine that well anymore. All I know was it was sloppy, and awkward. How about yours?

Facts: Krist played the drums in a band named "Six People" in Kasetsart University. (I found this on the internet. Other Perayas can correct me if this is wrong. Don't let me spread lies. 😅)