~Shahveer

"Nervous Breakdown!"

The voice of a Doctor, who looked young ,handsome and very professional, echoed in the empty corridors of the hospital which were emanating a strong, pungent smell of bleach, making me feel sick to the core.

"What? " My horror-filled eyes widened with shock.

"She had been suffering from nervous breakdown since many years. I don't understand that why did she suffer from another anxiety attack all of a sudden although she was recovering from this illness and her health was getting much better ."

The doctor looked at me with curiosity, while I chose to remain silent as his words were slowly tearing my flesh apart, making me want to curse myself.

"Is it something related to you Mr. Shahveer? I have never seen you in this village before."

He eyed me suspiciously.

"I...I actually, I don't know..." I stammered.

"Mr. Shahveer. I want you to be careful in this matter. She had suffered through several anxiety and panic attacks, some of them were extremely life-threatening. But within past few months, she was improving. Now this is an alarming situation that her health has started to deteriorate once again. Please don't give her any sort of stress or shocks which can cause her pain. She had been through a lot, and I don't want her to suffer anymore!"

He stared at me with anger, indirectly warning me to stay away from her.

Who was he? And why was he so much concerned for Hooriyah?

"By the way, I am Dr. Hammad Gillani and I have been looking after Hooriyah's mental health condition since five years. We are very close friends and if something makes me feel that it could harm her health, I immediately wipe it away from her path. I hope you understand very well."

He lowered his voice while giving me a cold sarcastic stare, answering my unasked questions very professionally.

Paying no attention to his eccentric attitude, I mustered up some courage to speak,

"I want to meet her, right now!"

I stared back at him with confidence.

"You can't, she is asleep. Let her live in peace! I'm sure she doesn't want to meet you now."

He protested, making me want to punch him hard.

"Well I never asked for your opinion and nobody asked you if she wants to meet me or not. I will figure it out myself. Thanks!"

Without giving a damn to this idiot, I pushed the door open and entered the room where she was lying peacefully. Having no right to stop me, he had to let me in, and it was for his own good.

The room was dead silent and the only thing which was moving in the room were the light blue colored drapes dancing along the rhythms of the cool breeze coming from outside the window, while the silver moonlight managed to cascade down the dimly lit room, making it look like a beautiful fairytale, where a lovely fairy was peacefully resting after being tired for centuries.

I slowly dragged my feet towards her depressed soul while a storm of memories from the childhood started to dance infront of my eyes.

x-x-x-x-x

"You will get well soon, marshmallow!"

The little boy wept innocently while looking at his friend who was lying weakly on the hospital's bed.

"I don't know Veer, it hurts alot!"

The little girl wiped her tears and raised her fractured and plastered arm and showed it to the boy while crying.

"I'm here to wipe all of your pain away, see how my magic is going to work!"

The little boy smiled and clicked his fingers and immediately started reciting some verses.

"What are you doing, Veer?"

The girl asked with curiosity.

"I'm reciting Ayat-Ul-Kursi ! Now stay quiet and let me do what I'm doing!"

The boy placed his index finger on her lips, asking her to keep quiet. The girl silently obeyed him.

After completing his prayers, he blew them on the girl making her giggle happily.

"Now you will feel much much much better!"

The boy announced confidently and came near the girl and kissed her arm adorably, which had broken because of falling from the swings, last night.

"It worked, Veer! Now I feel much better!"

She smiled sweetly.

"I will never let any pain waver near your existence! Never!"

He gently caressed her cheeks with affection as she slowly closed her large adorable hazel brown eyes and welcomed the deep slumber due to the heavy doze of medicines given to her an hour ago!

x-x-x-x-x

The flashback ended within a blink of an eye, bringing me back to my senses.

"I promised you to never let any pain waver near your existence, but still became one of them!"

A lonely tear trickled down my gloomy face as I came closer to my beloved princess who was still lost in the valleys of a deep, magical slumber. I gently picked one of her cold and pale hands over which a cannula was inserted making me feel extremely depressed.

"All of your tears, all of your pain, all of your sorrows and all of your tragedies were brought by me. I'm your sinner and I deserve to be punished with something even more horrific than hell. I came here to add colours into your colourless life, but see, I ended up hurting you once again!"

I smiled to myself while looking at an interestingly curled dark brown strand of hair which was resting on her beautiful face. I slowly removed it from her face to have a clearer view of her innocence, feeling scared internally that she might disappear like a memory if I touched her.

" You deserve much much more than this Hooriyah. I thought you deserved to be with me, but now I have realised that no one deserves to be with a man like me. The love I wanted to see in these heavenly eyes of yours, has disappeared and gone somewhere far away. The only thing I can see in them is hatred and disgust for me. Is that how pathetic you think I am? Is that how shameful you think I am? Is that how worse you think I am? Even God Himself forgives the uncountable and the biggest of the sins of His Believers and I know that He forgave me long ago. So why can't you forgive a single mistake of mine and give me one last chance to prove that how much my soul has drowned in the ocean of your love? Why are you punishing yourself like this? Why are you torturing your soul and mine too, beyond our tolerance? I couldn't even imagine that you would punish yourself for the mistakes done by others. You silently bore all the pain without complaining to anyone. You suffered a lot because of me and still never came to me and never punished me for my mistake. Learning about your silence throughout these years, your pain and your strength to punish yourself and suffer alone, is driving me crazy. The fact that you suffered everything alone, from the loss of your father to the betrayal of your family, from the heartbreak given by me to the anxiety and panic attacks, is torturing my heart and my soul to the core. You suffered everything alone and never asked for help from anyone. I want to scratch my skin and tear my veins and flesh apart to show you how much my blood is poisoned after learning about your patience and remarkable strength. And all of this is playing a vital role in increasing the already overflowing level of the sea of your love in my heart. It's getting unbearable. Oh my beloved, I wish I could dissect my chest infront of you and show you the disheveled state of my bleeding heart. I wish I could tell you how much I love you. But you are so disappointed with me that you won't even listen a single word of mine. I am dying to be yours but you have sworn to never surrender yourself to the love we both share for each other. Although you are so close to me that I can feel the warmth of your breath on my soul, but still you are so far and unreachable due to the distances created by you between us. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and protect you from every sorrow, every giref and every evil spirit in this world, but you have locked the doors of your heart and shut them so tightly that this beggar is dying outside the castle of your heart due to the rain falling heavily from the skies of agony and helplessness above. I wish I could convert all those tears of grief which fall from these dreamy eyes of yours into the tears of joy and stir the magical hues of love and prosperity inside your soul by just bringing you closer to myself and make you feel safe and secure but you don't even want me to waver near your existence!"

I cried silently while whispering softly ,her hand still resting in mine.

"Itni nafrat karti ho mujhse?"

I affectionately rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb and mumbled after a brief pause.

"Mein ney esa b kya gunah kardya k tum khud ko is trha aziyat pohchany lagi ho?"

Tears of helplessness began to fall rapidly from my swollen eyes, thus making her hand wet little by little.

"Okay then! If that's your wish, and if staying away from me can cause you less pain than staying with me can, I promise you that I will never show you my face again. If my existence hurts you so much that you have to suffer from a nervous breakdown, I promise you I will stay away from you unless you yourself ask me to come back. I will leave. After all, my love is not selfish. I can't torture you just because of the intensity of my love. I will love you till my last breath but I will make sure that each and every breath of yours is full of happiness and satisfaction, even if it is without my presence! I will go and remove this evil shadow of mine from your pious soul."

I smiled and wiped my tears weakly.

"I promise!"

I whispered for the last time and stood up to leave.

As I started walking away from her, my heart began to bleed faster making me feel weaker to the core. I wanted her to wake up and stop me, but she kept on sleeping as if she didn't give a damn to everything I said a few seconds ago. Just before leaving the room, I turned back and looked at her with all that love which I have been collecting since five years. Unable to bear this excruciating pain which was running across my body, I slowly walked back towards her to bid her a proper farewell.

I came closer to her so much so that o if she would be awake, she would have slapped hard on my face. But I couldn't resist it anymore. I slowly caressed her hair with my trembling hand and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

"I love you Hooriyah, and always will!"

I whispered in her ears and finally left without looking back again.

x-x-x-x-x

Amidst the dense fog, the train struggled hard to find its way towards the respective platform as I watched it with my hopeless eyes. The only thing I loved about the railway stations was the million dollar smiles on the faces of the people meeting their loved ones after ages. And the worst thing about them was bidding your loved one a painful goodbye.

I never expected such an early end to our encounter. I wished that it would have lasted for eternity, but it was deteriorating her health, and It was impossible for me to hurt her through my existence, hence I had decided to leave for Lahore, and then bid farewell to Pakistan, once and for all.

A few moments later, my train finally arrived and with a heavy heart, I stood up and grabbed my bag.

Just when I was about to leave the platform, I felt someone politely holding my arm from behind. I turned to look at the stranger only to find a familiar face.

"You are leaving so soon, Shahveer!"

The old Christian woman whom I had met in the school two days ago, looked at me with her gloomy eyes.

"I'm afraid I have to!" I almost whispered.

"Can I have a word with you?" She asked with disappointment.

"But I'll miss my train!" I replied politely.

"I'm sorry, but you have to!" She pleaded.

I looked back at the train and then at the woman again, feeling totally confused.

"I'm sure after listening to whatever I'm going to tell you, you will be thankful to me for missing your train!"

She smiled happily as I watched her with the mixed emotions of perplexity and amazement.

I simply nodded and followed the lady towards an empty bench.

"Why did you stop me from leaving?" I blurted out immediately.

"Because you were leaving without knowing the other half of the story!" She smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that, the reason why you are leaving is simply not the truth!"

I remained silent, still unable to interpret what she was trying to say.

"You were leaving because you thought that your presence was hurting Hooriyah? Didn't you?"

She asked with affection.

I simply nodded.

"Well that's wrong. What she pretends to be infront of you is simply opposite to what she feels for you!"

She patted my shoulder as my eyes sparkled with amazement.

"Well I thought that I was the most disgusting human being on Earth in the eyes of her!"

I smiled weakly.

"Or perhaps the only human being she loves on Earth!"

She chirped with happiness.

"She hates me!"

I looked at the train leaving it's platform with my hopeless eyes.

"That's what you think my son. But what I have seen throughout these years is something else. The love in her eyes for you is easily readable. She had spent uncountable nights over here while crying and praying for your safety and I watched her struggle really hard through this pain!"

She smiled weakly.

"She prayed for me, all these years?" I wept silently.

"Just to make sure that the evil praters she denounced upon you, don't get fulfill. She realised her mistake and regretted a lot."

"But she said that she is happy that I have gone through so much!"

I lowered my grief stricken face.

"She is pretending, Shahveer! Just pretending!"

She squeezed my hands gently.

"I have been taking care of Hooriyah since three years and I know everything about her and I am closer to her than her mother. Even though we don't share same beliefs and religion, but she is more than a daughter to me. When I saw you for the first time, I immediately realised that you were the same boy who gave so much pain to my angel. At first I hated you, but when I saw you struggling to regain Hooriyah's love and trust, I realised that no one could be more purer than you. That's why I came here to stop you. I don't want you to leave without completing your unfinished task. You don't look like a man who gives up so easily. Is it?"

She smiled as I nodded silently.

"And do you know what happened when she woke up from unconsciousness a few minutes ago?"

Her eyes gleamed with ecstasy as I raised my head to look at her with curiosity.

"The first thing she said was 'Veer'..!"

My eyes widened with horror.

"Yes my son, and when one of us told her that he had left, her face went pale and tears dwelled up in her eyes as she asked, 'He left?' with her painful, sorrowful voice!"

I remained silent, while the tears continued to trickle down my face.

"That's why I rushed towards the station to stop you. I have seen hope in her eyes after so many years. She won't express anything because she wants you to believe that she hates you although it is not true. You have to bring that old Hooriyah of yours, back! You have to make her express her inner feelings or else she will die while burying her emotions deep in her heart, again and again!"

She pleaded.

"Please come back and make her smile once again!"

She wept silently.

"I promise you Sister, I will not leave without bringing that old Hooriyah back to my life. She will smile. She will be happy. I just need some time. She had proven the intensity of her love. Now its time to show her the magic of mine. She deserves to he loved. And I won't leave her. Thanks alot for stopping me from doing another stupidity. Don't worry sister, I promise you, she will smile again! I just want your support in this matter!"

I smiled as she shook hands with me happily.

"May God always be by your side!"

She crossed thrice and kissed my forehead after murmuring 'Amen'.