“What about your father?” 

Ishan sighed, staring down at the rose in his hands. He gently caressed the petals with his fingers as he spoke. “I really don't know anything about him. He died when I was one. In a war. People say he was a very brave and kind man.” 

“I'm sorry.” 

Ishan looked up from the rose, giving a small smile to his beloved. “No, it's all right. I never knew him, so there's not much of a void and grief about him not being here."

“I just sometimes wonder if anything would be different if he was.” He added with a sigh. He looked ahead at the beautiful lake, carrying the bright reflection of the moon. Does it ever get tired carrying so many things? Well, Ishan definitely does.

Shubman hummed, pulling Ishan closer in his embrace and placing a kiss on his temple. Ishan's smile widened immediately as he closed his eyes, laying his head back on Shubman's chest. 

“Ish,” 

“Hm.” 

“Just say whatever you want to.” Shubman said, tightening his hold around Ishan, drawing random patterns on his arm with his fingers. His embrace always made Ishan feel protected, cherished and deserving of love, something he never really felt before him. “I'm listening.” 

Ishan opened his eyes, looking up at him with a smile. His eyes shone in the moonlight or maybe it was just the love he felt for Shubman. “I love you.” He murmured softly. 

Shubman couldn't help the smile that pulled his lips at the out of blue but lovely confession, his heart doing a goddamn somersault at the words. “I love you too.” He murmured just as softly as Ishan, as if afraid to break the moment. 

Ishan reached out his hand, lightly grazing Shubman's cheeks with his fingers. The feathery touch succeeded in igniting goosebumps onto the latter's skin. “Aap jaante hai, hamari zindagi ka sabse khoobsurat ittefaq hai aap.” 

"Uh-huh.” Shubman chuckled, blood rushing to his cheeks. “Baate banana to koi aapse seekhe." 

"Baate nahi bana rahe hai, Jaan, sirf sach keh rahe hai." Ishan smiled, his hand settling on the side of Shubman's neck. “Aapka bahut, bahut shukriya ki aap hamari zindagi mein aaye.” He said, leaning closer and placing a soft peck onto Shubman's forehead. 

“God, I love you so much.” Shubman exclaimed, pulling Ishan in a tight hug again. Ishan just chuckled in response, caressing his back. 

“Okay, back to the topic before you again distract me with your meethi-meethi baate.” Shubman mumbled, pulling back a bit to look at Ishan's face. “Even though I would like that very much, but let's do that some other day.” He smiled, bumping Ishan's nose with his.

Ishan giggled, his heart overflowing with fondness. “You're so adorable, Jaan.” 

“I know.” Shubman grinned cutely. “Aapka hi asar hai.”

Ishan smiled, again laying his head on Shubman's chest and closing his eyes. After a moment of silence, he started speaking again. “I heard some maids and guards in the palace talking, mother wasn't always like this. They say, she was a very kind, gentle lady before my father's death.” 

Shubman listened attentively, giving Ishan's hand a gentle squeeze as he spoke at the same time. Talking about his childhood and family was always hard for Ishan, especially about his mother. 

“You know they say she never wanted a kid, only my father did.” Ishan mumbled, his voice turning a little low, Shubman recognised it as something he does when he's trying to suppress or hide his emotions. “I wasn't her choice.” 

Shubman held his chin gently, turning his face up for their gaze to meet. He shook his head, mumbling a quiet “don't.” 

Ishan let out a weak chuckle, a tear escaping his eye at the same time. Why does Shubman understand him so well?

“Because I love you.” Shubman replied, as if he could read Ishan's mind. 

Ishan closed his eyes for a second, laughing, a little more genuinely this time. “Jaan, I really think you have some mind reading ability and you're just hiding it from me.” 

“Who knows?” Shubman shrugged. “Maybe I have your mind reading ability.” He added with a wink. 

“Okay, tell me what you're thinking now.” He added, placing a kiss on Ishan's head. Ishan sighed contentedly, melting into a puddle of love. The love he felt for Shubman.

Shubman waited for him to collect his thoughts before speaking. 

“I don't know, I think she hates me.” Ishan said after a while. “Maybe she wouldn't have been like how she is right now if I wasn't born. I sometimes feel like I ruined her life by coming into it.” 

“What nonsense. Here, look at me.” Shubman mumbled, cupping his face, their gaze locking together. The love and understanding in his eyes made Ishan feel so seen, seen in a way he had never felt before. “I understand why you feel like this. This is something that has been engraved in your brain since you were a kid and it's really hard to make yourself unlearn something. But,” He said, gently stroking Ishan's face, a small, kind smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “But, you ruined no one's life, in fact you make everyone's life better by being in it. You certainly make mine better by being in it.” 

Ishan chuckled a bit, his heart swelling with love along with his eyes.

“And even if she hates you, it's not your fault, never was and never will be.” Shubman continued, looking into Ishan's eyes, his voice soft but still firm and serious. “She's not like how she is because of you. It's her own choice, you don't have to take any accountability for that, okay?”

“Okay.” Ishan repeated, smiling. 

“I don't hate her, Shubman. I can't.” Ishan said after a minute. “And I don't want to as well.”

“I know, Meri Jaan. It's okay, you don't have to hate her.” Shubman mumbled, pecking his forehead again. “You can not hate her, and still acknowledge that her actions might be wrong.”

“You know, loving someone doesn't mean you have to tolerate their wrongdoings.” He added, softly. 

“Hm.” Ishan nodded. “You're right.” 

Shubman smiled, hugging him again. 

“Thank you.” Ishan mumbled quietly. 

“For what?” 

“For everything.” Ishan smiled, placing a chaste kiss at his neck. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Jaan.”

“Your highness.” 

Ishan was snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the door to his room opening. He looked back to see Maya with a plate of food in her hands. 

“Here, I got you something to eat.” She said, approaching him.

He was sitting on his balcony, gazing outside at the dark, cloudy sky, with no moon and stars. Just darkness, exactly like his life. His moon was gone, leaving only and only darkness and emptiness in his life. 

Ishan sighed, looking back outside again. “I'm not hungry.” 

He heard the woman taking a deep inhale and then exhaling after a minute. 

“Ishan, I'm going to fucking slap you!!” 

Ishan blinked, startled as he looked back at Maya. “Um, what?”

Maya rubbed her temple, putting the plate aside on a table before sitting beside him. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Maya-”

“Don't Maya me.” She cut him off, shooting him a glare. “It's been four fucking days. Do you want to die?” 

Yes, I do. “I told you, I'm not hungry.” Ishan mumbled. His voice sounded so exhausted, defeated.

“You know talking about it helps, you don't have to keep it all in.” Maya said softly after a minute, also turning her gaze to the sky.

“Keeping what in?” Ishan chuckled, the sound hollow and empty, like a sharp knife piercing through your heart. “There's nothing left.” Everything went away with him. 

“Ishan-”

"I hate her.” Ishan mumbled, his voice dripping of poison but there was also a hint of sorrow. “I hate that woman so fucking much.” 

“I know.” Maya said softly, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze. 

“He did nothing to her. She's just a monster.” Ishan spat. “And it's no one's fault that she's like this.” 

“But more than her, it's my fault. My fault that I even came into his life.” Ishan mumbled through the knot that has started forming in his throat. He heaved a shaky breath, closing his eyes. Instantly he was met with the sight of his beloved smiling softly, the smile that always soothed his heart made it ache this time. “He would've been happy, fine and here if I didn't.” 

“You know, once he asked me what if he falls for me?” Ishan opened his eyes, turning towards Maya who was already looking at him. He chuckled bitterly as he spoke. “I said, ‘Pachtayenge nahi aap.’ But I don't think I gave him anything other than regret. Or pain.” 

Ishan hated himself for not being able to save Shubman. It breaks him to think that he became something Shubman might be regretting no matter where he is. He was supposed to give him love and joy and comfort but ended up giving only pain and a sense of regret. 

“You think Shubman would regret loving you?” Maya asked. She smiled softly, looking up at the sky. A small star was still shining despite the dark clouds. “I don't think so.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Shubman can never regret loving you. Simply because it's you Ishan.” Maya said. She knew Shubman and Ishan very well, both of them were just like Manav to her. “You two were meant to be.”

“And I'm sure you both will meet again in some other life and finally find your happiness.” She added, getting up and grabbing his plate and coming back with it. “Please, eat now.” 

Ishan smiled, genuinely for the first time in this evening if not for the last four days. He pulled Maya in a hug, saying, “Good night. Go sleep.” 

“Huh?”

“I will eat.” He pulled back. “I promise. Go sleep. I'm tired as well. I want to sleep."

Maya looked a bit hesitant but still nodded and left the room, not before reminding him to eat once more. 

Ishan did ate, just as he promised, still smiling softly. Keeping the plate aside, he got up and walked to his bathroom. He was tired, he wants to sleep.

He stepped into his bathtub that was filled to the brim. He closed his eyes, again seeing his beloved's smile that widened his own. He slowly relaxed his exhausted body in the tub, the smile never leaving his face as he felt a sense of serenity wash over him, like someone holding his hand to take him where he will be happy. To his love, his Shubman.  

"Hum bhi aapke paas aa rahe hai, Jaan.” 

-

Lol, not me writing flashback in a flashback.

This is the last chapter of the past, we'll be back to the present with the next one. Please, tell me if you liked it. Or you can curse me too :)

Bye-bye for now.
Love ya 💖💌