AYU

It's been two days since I came back from Australia but it still feels like an hour ago. I planned to be there for four days but stayed there for a week instead. I didn't get to spend time with Jamie during the day due to his job but we still found a way to spend lots of time together especially during the weekend. While he was gone for office I would spend my time either with his family or mostly with his friends. We visited some of the places although we mostly spent our time indoors. We talked a lot, shared our emotions and not to forget the times we made love. It was an unforgettable time. It's unfortunate that their house will be sold out after his parents divorce. Jamie and Andrew will live in a separate apartment while his parents will live separately.

Although there were still some things troubling me. It looked like calling off my supposedly marriage brought forth to some changes. Raghav's family and some of his relatives were no longer talking to us. Even some of our relatives and friends were upset about this. I don't understand why though. It's not like THEY are getting married. Some bunch of selfish people they are. It wasn't affecting me as much it was affecting my parents. I may had to argue with my parents earlier but I love them as much and I don't want to hurt them in any way. I hope they are happy with the decision that I took. Although Mum said not to worry about it.

"Ayu beta, can you bring these list of food items. I'm going to need them for tonight's dinner." Mom requested while handling me a small scrap of paper in which she had written the items.

"Geez Mom, I can remember even without the note. Okay, I'll get it." I said while reading the items and walked off to the grocery shop.

"Excuse me Uncle, I want one kg of paneer, two kgs-" I stopped mid- way when I saw Raghav across the shop. He was looking around while waiting for the shopkeeper to get his list when his eyes fell on me. We looked blankly at each other without saying anything. More like, he had a scowl on his face.

"Anything else, Ma'am?" The shopkeeper asked, bringing my attention. I took one last glance at him before purchasing my items.

I was on my way home but there was something that was bugging my mind. Like I forgot something and that's when my mind clicked. Shit, how can I forget about it? Afterwards, I was lying in my room thinking about what to do. Eventually, I gave up thinking about it because there's possibly one thing I could do.

I stared at the phone screen while trying to gather some courage and finally called him.

...

'Tomorrow afternoon, anytime after lunch. Meet me at the usual place. I'll be there.' I recalled his words from yesterday.

It was a bright sunny afternoon. I walked my way towards the shed that was near to the vast green field. It was more like a store house that Raghav's family owns. It used to be our usual meeting place. Raghav, Rashi and I would meet up during the evening to play together. Sometimes Raghav's friends turn up too. Those were some awesome childhood days. Not all of them though. Before knowing, my mind began travelling down the memory lane.

(Flashback)

(Almost 10 years ago.)

"So... you're really leaving huh!" I sulked, when Raghav told me that he'll be leaving for Mumbai tomorrow to start his college.

"Why the long face, princess? Don't tell me that you're also feeling sad about it. Seriously, why does everyone have to be so dramatic?" He said running a hand through his hair frustratingly.

"Who said that I was sad. Don't compare me to those overdramatic people. I'm different." I said bluntly but underneath that brave face, I was almost on the verge of tears.

Raghav looked at me for a moment until he held my hand. "Obviously you are, now come with me," he said and started walking. We reached inside the shed. It was just the two of us alone.

"And... why are we here?" I questioned the obvious.

"Uh... I don't know. I thought you were about to cry so I bought you here. Anything you wanna say," he said looking elsewhere.

"Hmm... don't go around picking up fights. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean you can do anything. Also, this is a great opportunity for you to make some great friends since they don't know you. They won't misunderstand you unlike some of the people here."

"Fine I'll do that, anything else?"

"Um-" I trailed off while staring at the ground, thinking hard. I wanted to say many things but I couldn't make my word around it. I raised my head and got startled, seeing Raghav standing right next to me.

"Gosh! Just look at you. You're so naive, Ayu," he laughed.

I threw a death glare and was about to hit him for making fun of me when suddenly he claimed my lips with his. "Wha- what was that for, you moron?" I raised my voice, feeling all flustered. How could he kiss me like that? I'm still not used to this.

He didn't say anything, instead he just smiled at me. "It's my way of saying goodbye. We won't be able to see each other for a long time. I'll miss all of you. Makes me wanna stay back."

"Then... stay back." I said more like a whisper.

"I can't. I won't be able to accomplish my goal by staying in this small town. I have to go out... Uh man, do you really have to get all emo," he said when he noticed my miserable face and hugged me awkwardly. "Is this fine now?"

"Yeah, whatever-" I said while taking in his cologne and we pulled away. "I'm going to miss you." I said shyly. I didn't knew what else to say but that was the truth.

"Uh-huh! I know. Stay strong, okay?"

"How? I have no real friends. Especially no partner in crime to pull out pranks," I giggled at the last bit.

"You have Nimmi and Rashi. As for the pranks um... you'll have to wait for me," he said and placed his hands on my cheeks coming close. "Don't worry, I'll come back to visit you soon."

I looked at his face showing emotion. A few tears welled up. "Pro- promise?"

He kissed my forehead. "Yeah, by next month, I promise. Damn you Ayu, now you're making me emo here... Besides, um... We will be kind of together anyway so don't need to fuss over so much," he reassured

"Right," I said. With nothing else being said he came close and kissed me again. This time I equally responded since he'd be going away. This was one of the rare times when he was being kind. It made me happy.

And thus, Raghav left for Mumbai.

However, he didn't come back. Not before two and a half months.

He broke our promise however my anger subsided because he was coming back after so long. I was happy but it didn't looked like he was, to that extent. Something was unusual about him. He seemed distant to me but I didn't complain. I let him be.

It was six months since he joined college. His mother was missing him so she decided to pay him a visit. She asked me to come along. Unfortunately, when we reached Mumbai, Mrs Singhania fell ill and was unable to roam freely. Although, Raghav took care of her.

The next day I decided to surprise him and visited his campus. I found him hanging out with some of his friends but there was something with the way he was behaving with a certain tall girl. It looked like they were flirting with each other. Thinking that I was misunderstanding things, I approached him anyway. But instead of being delighted to see me, he was irritated. Like I was a mere nuisance to him. I was so mad at him but more than that I was hurt. It pained me to see him acting friendly with that girl, right in front of my eyes. He even introduced that girl to me and said that they were close friends. The girl clung on to him like her life depended on it. I wanted to run away and cry but I stayed as curiosity got the better of me.

I bet he hasn't told anyone about the arrangement he had with me. So when he went to his class, I sweet talked with some of his friends and asked them what his relationship was with that girl. When I confirmed that something was indeed going on, I went back to his mother. I neither complained about it nor vented my anger on him. I was heartbroken. What happened to the promise he made? What was I to him? I knew that we weren't in a romantic relationship but then, what was the meaning behind the subsequent affections that he showed me? Why he used to kiss me then?

The distance between us gradually increased although we never stopped talking entirely.

I became more lonely and gloomy afterwards. Besides Nimmi and Rashi, I really had no one as a friend. I longed for his company that I was so used to. My school days were dull and painful. I realized that I needed to get out of the bubble I was staying in and explore. The following year, I went to Delhi for further studies.

"Hey Ayu, what's this I'm hearing about," Raghav asked me, his face suspicious. It was the beginning of my final year of school at that time. We were in our hometwon due to Diwali holidays. "You have a crush on someone named Alex. Is that true?"

Nimmi must have told him. "Yeah, he's a responsible senior of mine. He is a good basketball player. He's really cool you know. Too bad that now he's away but I'm lucky I still get to chat with him from time to time," I said dreamily.

"So will you date him if he asks you out?"

"That is unlikely to happen but of course I'll go out if he asks me to," I said blissfully.

He looked at me wide-eyed. "Are you out of your mind? You do know that we will get married in the future. Our elders made it official in front of everyone. What happened to our arrangement?"

"What arrangement, Raghav? You must be out of your mind," I let out a sarcastic laugh. "You have no right to stop me when you yourself have a girlfriend."

"Oh, that... We broke up. It wasn't anything serious. You can be self assured now. Forget about that Alex dude and be with me," he claimed while placing his hands on mine.

I laughed harder. "You think you can use and throw me according to your liking. No, thank you," I said and jerked his hands away.

"Fine, I apologize. That was a small mistake on my part. Now will you accept me?" He asked, his voice desperate.

"You're getting on my nerves. I will say this now. Forget about our damn arrangement and forget about being with me. You lost me the instant you betrayed me. I own my life and I can be with whoever I want to," I said bluntly.

"You bitch. Did you forget what my father made us promise? You will betray your parents as well as mine," he said, his jaw clenched in anger. I couldn't believe it. The very same Raghav who knew me for so long was calling me a bitch. That bitter word stung me.

We quarreled for some time with no conclusion whatsoever. In the end, he challenged me. "You haven't associated with any other boy except me. Let's see if you'll be able to win over other guys. We'll be together anyway so I suppose I'll let you date anyone you like. But be careful dear, don't turn yourself into a whore. I don't want to marry a loose woman."

I slapped him on his cheek. "Do you even realize what you're saying, you bastard? I'll complain to your mother and my parents. They will teach you a lesson."

He rubbed the spot where I slapped him and looked at me with disgust. "Oh really? They won't believe you. I'll convince them and they will think that you're lying. I can tell them about your so called love interest. You can't win against me," he said confidently.

"Just you watch, Mr Raghav Singhania. I will find a man much more worthy and better than you. I will become so happy while you'll watch me feeling regretful. I'll never be yours, mark my words. Who knows this Alex might even date me. That'd be just wonderful," I made a triumphant smile and went away shedding bitter tears.

At that time, I only said that about Alex to show how worthy I was. I didn't think that Alex would actually ask me out later. I managed to moved on from him. I was happy with my life at Delhi. The relationship between Raghav and I deteriorated with time. Our adults tried to negotiate with us so we calmed down a bit. Afterwards it gradually became a habit to talk and argue with him. That was what our relationship had come up to.

There was one time he visited me, the next day, after my college fest when I gave my performance. "I liked your performance. I saw you with someone afterwards. I couldn't see him properly but he was dropping you home. I'm curious because he wasn't your usual Alex. You sure are getting ahead of yourself. I didn't knew you were such a good player." His words shocked me. I didn't knew he was able to stalk me like this. It was creepy. But since he visited me so I couldn't really complain about it. That was the first time he found out about Jamie. So much happened afterwards...

But now, I'm no longer bounded by you. We can finally go our separate ways.

I walked inside the shed and saw Raghav leaning against the wall, lighting his cigarette. Light poured out from the small window just near him. He puffed the smoke out of it and shoved the lighter in his pocket as he noticed me.

I handed him an envelope. "This contains a total of one thousand and eight hundred rupees that I lend from you, long time back. Sorry, I didn't gave it to you earlier. I totally forgot about it," I said in a business like way.

"You came here just for this," he asked while holding the envelope in front of me.

"Of course. I don't want you to think that I kept your money with me. I don't fancy keeping debts," I said as a matter of fact.

He raised a brow. "So... anything you wanna say," he asked casually. The very same words he said years ago when he was leaving for Mumbai.

"There is one thing I need to say... Stay clear from me and especially Jamie. If you do something then I won't go easy on you like last time," I threatened him.

He rubbed his finger with his chin. "Well, I'm not as stupid as you think. I wouldn't bother with you pests when I know that it'd be no use now," he said as he puffed out another smoke. "You're so crazy about him. What do you see in that pipsqueak anyway?" He asked.

I ignored his insignificant words since it didn't matter now. "Whatever you saw in Maanvi that time," I blurted out and he looked at me, somewhat shocked. Maanvi was the name of the girl whom I saw when I visited his college. Before he could speak further I interrupted. "You think I don't realize by now. I don't know what happened but I figured she had something to do with how screwed up you're now. Well, you were a goner from the very start. You never tried to improve yourself and it got worse when you went to Mumbai."

He laughed. "Bravo for figuring it out, genius," he said and I rolled my eyes. "Don't act like you know me," he added.

"Since it hardly matters now, I guess, you can tell me what happened?" I asked knowing that it was the last time I'd be seeing him anyway. Also, I was curious to know.

"Nothing happened," he shrugged.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"So what, are you expecting a sob story? I'm not the type of person to hung onto things that are no use to me... Fine, I'll tell you, stop making that face," he said when I was glaring at him. "We began to hit quite well from the very start, only as friends though. But deep down, I knew that I wanted more. It was quite unexpected. I knew about our arrangement so I let it lay down in front of you when you came to visit me. I purposely wanted you to find out so that you could stay away. I did think that our arrangement was a nuisance that time. I even talked to Mom once but she became all emotional talking about how it was Dad's wish. I got carried away as well," he explained while pacing left and right.

For Raghav to call off our arrangement just for Maanvi, he must have been really serious about her.

"I didn't care about the consequences anymore. Soon enough, we started dating for real. It seemed good enough. The problem was, I was serious about her but she wasn't as much. I realized that one and a half years later. Our relationship eventually wore that bitch out so she left me. I tried my best though," he said with a glint of sadness in his voice.

"And so I became your second option, right?"

"Kind of. I realized that it was wrong leaving you and that my parents had done the right thing by choosing you. By the time I approached you, you already had your interests elsewhere."

So in a way he was desperate to have me as a rebound to his broken relationship earlier. Of course he will never admit that. I turned to his direction.

"Have you ever given a thought about yourself? You blame others for their mistakes but don't you think that you might have been at fault somewhere as well. Maybe you were quite possessive to the point that she couldn't stand it anymore. I'm not telling that she is right. I don't know her so I cannot judge her. But if she wasn't serious as you say then I don't think she would have stuck with you for so long," I concluded.

Raghav dropped the leftover cigarette he was smoking with and crushed it under his feet. "I didn't come here to listen to your crappy lecture about my shortcomings," he took a step towards me and placed his hand on my shoulders, his expression growing serious. "Tell me Ayu, was I so wrong in wanting people to stay in my life? That's all I ever wanted. I tried but everything... It just slips away from me. Dad passed away, Maanvi left me, even few of my friends whom I trusted," he said and I saw hurt in his eyes. "That's when I realized that you have to force your way to make them stay. That's what I did it with you. I went that far only to make sure that nothing comes in my way. But look what happened, you left me too. I'm afraid that everyone will leave me. Maybe I should have destroyed him," he laughed sarcastically and backed away.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," I said and let out a sigh. "I don't get why you wanted to be with me. We never really loved each other. You should realize that by now. I won't deny that I felt something for you but it wasn't really true love. We just got swept away by emotions. In the end, we were both burdened by this stupid arrangement set by the adults," I said.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I admit I didn't felt that strongly for you but I do wanted to have you. We had known each other for so long, which is why I was prepared for this marriage. You simply cannot understand. I didn't wanted to... lose," he said in a low voice.

"I didn't wanted to lose you either. Can't you see, I tried so much," I said while looking him in the eye. "Infact, I think I might have been the only person besides your family who had tried to keep up with you for so long. Why do you think I did that? Because I cared. We spend so much time together too. Even though you betrayed me back then, I still didn't cut my ties with you. I still gave you a chance. I didn't do it as a mere friend or as a possible future wife but as a family... I don't mean as a brother. Don't take it the wrong way." I said, my voice strained and his eyes widened.

A lump formed in my throat. "You know Raghav, I always imagined how would things have been if you haven't interfered with my relationship with Jamie. I would have still forgiven you, despite how much you hurt me. Who knows... We might have been best friends for life. I would have supported you in your work, marriage, kids, just anything while you would have done the same. We would have had a total, rocking relationship like that. Was that so hard for you?" I asked, almost on the verge of tears.

"Bullshit, all bullshit. What you're talking about is an ideal situation that was unlikely to happen. You already hated me even before I interfered," he protested.

"Because you never tried to make up for it. You never felt guilty about it. There is a limit to how much a person can endure and I think I had enough from you. Forget it, it's no use explaining it to you. I guess that's enough of the chit- chat. I said what I wanted so I'll take my leave," I said bluntly.

"That's it, nothing else," he tilted his head a little as he asked. Why is he asking me that? What does he expect me to say?

That's when I came to a realization. "Ho- how's Rashi and Mrs Singhania doing?" I asked in a low voice.

"They are fine. It's not like they are dead. Although they are very disappointed at you, especially Rashi," he informed.

I averted my eyes from him feeling guilty. "Tell Rashi that I'm sorry. Also, she's free to contact me anytime. Otherwise our relationship had no meaning all along."

He nodded and sat down in the wooden stool. "You know, I couldn't accomplish one thing though," he said and I eyed him in question. "I kind of, no... I wanted to have sex with you. You do look attractive enough. Too bad, I couldn't do it then. You were too young for that. I wonder who took your virginity away. Alex or Jamie. How did you feel? Ah, those lucky scums. Tell me Ayu, who out of all the guys you've been with, was good at kissing? Was it me? Don't be shy, you can tell-"

I covered the lower part of his face with my hand and gripped it. "Don't utter another word, you lowly bastard. You disgust me," I snapped, getting furious. His words made me feel cheap. Like I was some kind of slut going around with different guys. But I knew that I wasn't what he thought me to be.

He gripped my wrist and jerked my hand away from him. "If I remember correctly, you asked me to talk yesterday, not to fight. I was just saying what I felt. What's wrong with that?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"This truly shows that your mind lies in the gutter. You never valued or respected me and I don't think you'll ever respect another woman," I raised my voice and distanced away to avoid the bright sunlight from the window to fall directly into my eyes. I really am glad that I didn't end up marrying a worthless scumbag like him. If only the elders knew how he actually is. Well it doesn't matter to me now.

"A final warning before I go- Improve yourself- your character as well as your way of thinking. Do it not only for yourself but for your family who loves you and for the people who you want to keep in your life. Forcing a way out is not a solution for anything. The best example is the situation right before you. The same goes to your profession you adore so much. If you keep hurting people then one day, it will all come back to you in the worst way possible and it will be too late before you realize it. I don't want that to happen to you, even if I hate you. I know you're intelligent enough so please Raghav, think carefully about this." I said and moved out of the shed.

He followed me as well. I stood there waiting for him to say something since this will be the last time. Silence followed and I realized that I was just wasting my time. "Okay, then-" I said and was about to walk away.

"Goodbye... Ayu," I heard him murmur behind me, his voice soft. Surprised, I turned around to see him but could only catch a glimpse of his face before he walked away. I think I just saw him... smile in that instant. A bright and an honest one. No, maybe it was just my imagination. I watched his back as he walked further and further away and recalled some of our happy times. I told myself that it's no use dwelling on those memories now. I balled my fists. "Goodbye Raghav," I said to no one in particular. Finally, I turned the opposite side and walked forward.

"I dealt with him," I said to Jamie on phone while on my way home.

"It wasn't necessary for you to do this... You okay, right?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said as a small tear rolled down my cheek. I couldn't understand why I was getting worked up about. "I had to return his money alright. I wanted to say so many bad things to him but I restrained myself from that. I guess it was okay in the end."

"Fine, fine... now don't think too much about it. Oi Andrew, are you done with the pasta yet? I'm suffering from hunger crisis here." I heard Jamie say to Andrew which cracked me up. "Now, that's like my Ayu. So what will you do now?" He asked.

"Maybe read some novels or..." I started talking about my plans for the day. Talking to Jamie cheered me up instantly. He's so full of positive energy unlike Raghav who makes my blood boil. I know it was necessary to meet him today. In a way, I had to close that bitter chapter from the past and open a new one... that led to a brighter future.

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In short, this whole extra chapter was about Raghav and Ayu. What is your opinion about this? I wanted to write about their past before but didn't know where to put it. This looked like the perfect oppurtunity. That was all there is to know about Raghav. So what do you make of him? And the relationship between Ayu and Raghav.

See you in the Epilogue. ^_^