JAMIE

"Hey Jamie." I heard a female voice calling from a distance. I looked behind to see the owner of the voice.

"Oh! Hi Mansi and Bhawna." I greeted them formally. They were the juniors whom I've met during the Fresher's party in the clubhouse last year. They studied the same course as me so we would occasionally bump into each other.

"Haven't seen you in a while. How are you?" Mansi asked with a smile.

"Yeah you're right. Yes I'm fine as always." I lied.

"Uh Listen, are you free?"

"Yeah, I have my next class at eleven." I stated. I noticed them exchanging glances at each other. "Is something the matter?"

"Actually we need your help with some problems regarding Accounting and Management. We have a test after this but we couldn't get this part right." Bhawana said as she held the book in her hands and showed me the problem.

"Well I'm not sure if I'm the correct person who can answer this. I don't even remember half of it." I said, my eyes glued on the textbook, trying to remember. Surprisingly the chapter was starting to look familiar.

"But we don't know our way around with other seniors. We know you so we asked. Please help us out this time." they requested shooting a puppy eye look.

I sighed. I don't have anything better to do anyway and this will probably take my mind off things. "Fine. I'll try my best, but I'm no genius I'm telling you."

Afterwards.

"See we told you, didn't we? Although it took time but you were able to figure it out eventually. You're great. Thank you." Mansi said after I was done solving out their problems.

"You're welcome girls." I smiled and stood up from the bench.

"Jamie wait. Uh... you still have twenty minutes left. Come with us to the canteen. We'll treat you as a thanks for helping us out. Whatcha say?" Bhawna stood up and asked followed by Mansi.

"You don't need to return the favor. Besides, I'm not that hungry. Why don't you two go and chill out?" I said with a forced smile.

"Come on, you should be glad that you're getting free food." Bhawna beamed. 

"Yeah... just hang out a bit. It's been a long time anyway." Mansi requested and suddenly held my wrist making me uncomfortable. Well I don't mind getting free food but I'm not really in the mood for this. I was to open my mouth when I saw Ayu standing at a distance. She watched me with a face that showed.... disappointment. I immediately jerked my hand away from Mansi. When I looked back at Ayu, she was already going away.

"Fuck!" I swore out loud making them gasp. "S-sorry, I gotta go. See ya." I said quickly and ran towards her direction. She seems to have the worst timing ever.

"Wait Ayu." I called behind her but she didn't listen. So I walked in front of her only to find her eyes brimming with tears.

"Uh! No... why?" I stammered not being able to form my words. If only I could do something to wash off that miserable expression away.

"What's your problem? Go away." she sniffed while wiping her eyes.

"You misunderstood it. It wasn't what it looked like. I was only helping them out." I explained.

"Ha! While flirting at the same time." she gave a sarcastic laugh. "I don't care anyway."

"But I do. You keep on misunderstanding things. I didn't realized that you thought so little of me. At least trust me a little." I said, my voice pained. I was disappointed at her thinking about me like this. I know I made a mistake but still. Besides that incident I haven't been anything but loyal to her.

"Oh yeah, after you fucked things up. Sure why not?" she said sarcastically. 

"I know I fucked things up but you know that wasn't entirely my fault. I was really drunk that time and she was... forcing me to. That time I couldn't resist but thankfully I was able to stop her before it was too late. Please forgive me Ayu, I don't like fighting with you like this. It was only one time, it wont happen again, I swear." I almost pleaded.

She took a moment to answer. "I know it wasn't entirely your fault but how can you be so sure that it won't happen again? Jamie, you live thousand miles away from me. You'll go to your hometown from time to time and eventually settle there after college. I don't know how I can reassure myself that nothing wrong will happen. What if she come back for you again? I'm not saying that something definitely would happen, but how can I trust you enough to not worry that nothing will happen." 

She did have a valid reason. "I don't know how to make you trust me but I give you my word, something like this definitely won't happen again. And she is not coming back I'm sure of it. I'm not that stupid enough to repeat the same mistake twice. I hate all the drama that has been going on lately. Please let's just come back together. Give me a second chance. I promise you won't regret this later. " I said while placing my hands on her's.

Ayu looked at me, sadness evident in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. She gently removed my hands from her and made a serious face. I don't understand, what's making her so hesitant? Why she has a hard time trusting me?

"Please...." I whispered.

"Do you know how it feels like to be almost cheated on twice?" she blurted out making me tense at her words.

"But I didn't-" 

"It wasn't only you." she said looking distant.

"Wait, I don't understand. Alex didn't really... did he?" I asked puzzled.

"Raghav." she said in a small voice. 

Oh! That childhood friend of her's. I think I can understand now. Man, this is more complicated than I thought. 

"I feel as if I'm not worth it. Like I must be lacking something... that is why people cheat on me."

"Don't you dare think like that about yourself. I'm the one who thinks that I'm not worth by you but you see, I'm selfish and I want you. Look, I don't know what happened but I'm not him. You've known me well enough by now-" I dropped my voice growing tired. "Please forgive me."

"I-" she trailed off and turned around. "It will only make things complicated if we come back together now. I know you're not this person that I'm beginning to imagine and I don't want to end up misjudging you any longer. I think we should stay away... Time will decide for us then." She said in a cold voice and just like that she began to walk away. I tried to tore my eyes away from her but I couldn't and it made me feel even worse.

"Ayu-" I walked besides her and held her hand, gripping it tight. "I'll wait for you. Come back to me when you're ready." I muttered and walked away with a heavy heart.

                                                              AYU

"Zen's not responding." I said, after I typed the message on the phone and waited for a few minutes.

"Ah! He must have kept his phone in  silent mode instead of vibration. Message Jamie instead." Ashima said while busy scribbling the notes of her assignment.

"You do it please." I requested giving her a pleading look.

"Yeah, fine." she sighed and took out her mobile. It's surprising that she isn't complaining this time. I didn't told them about what Jamie, lest they would think less of him. But that didn't stop them from persuading me. In the end I was obliged to tell them with the condition that they would treat him the same as before.

On my way to the station I saw Jamie along with Vick and some other guys of his class. At least he'll get the opportunity to spend more time with his friends. He turned his head and our eyes met for a brief moment, his face showing mixed emotions until he broke the moment and resumed talking to his friends.

I got to see him like this almost everyday. Either during canteen sometimes where I would be hanging out with my female friends or after class. If not that then we would definitely meet during recess with Zen, Ashima and Lynda. Everyday we would simply steal glances at each other wanting to say a thousand words but would say nothing. I started to look forward to it instinctively. It was my only way to see him. I began to silently observe the individual life that he had without me. Not that I wasn't aware of.

As days passed by we slowly began to converse with each other but only to a certain extent. It didn't stop me from missing him though. I missed going on dates with him, going to his apartment, listening to his mindless jokes and seeing that one genuine smile that would wash away all my worries. I just missed being with him. I didn't realize how and when he became a bigger part of my life. But whenever I think about going back to him, something stops me and I get stuck in my own barrade of thoughts. Can I trust him again? Would that be enough? Can I be certain that nothing like this will ever happen again? and the list goes on. I would end up blaming him and on the situation that we were in. Before I know, I would be back to square one.

Days became weeks and thus a whole month passed since that night. I still haven't made up my mind and recently I only began to feel more distant from him. It was like we were getting used to this routine which ached me. This was getting nowhere. If this goes on then I'll definitely lose him. Just the thought dreads me to no extent.

Today our group decided to hang outside, since the weather was getting cool, which rarely happens in this city. 

We borrowed Ashima's Mom car yet again. After a lot of argument we ended up going to a famous shopping district (Cannuaught place) and began trying on various variety of chaat. It was a nice change of pace. My stomach was already full so I waited in a corner since it was already crowded over the chaat stall. I waited for the others to have their fill.

"Do you have water?" Zen asked as he approached in my direction and stood besides me.

"Yeah, wait a second." I said and took out a small water bottle from my bag that I was carrying. I tossed it towards him and he caught it.

"Ah! I had enough pani puri for today." he said after drinking, making a grumpy face. "Just how hungry they are?"

"Yeah, they certainly are in a good mood today." I smiled while watching them.

"You should take it easy." Zen said in a soft voice.

"Say what?" I raised a brow, surprised by his sudden statement.

"See..." he said while poking my forehead. "You'll get wrinkles if you think too much." he chuckled.

"What are you implying Zen? Just say it." I forced a smile.

"Ugh! I'm talking about your situation with Jamie. You're stressing out." he sighed.

"Did Jamie sent you in his stead?"

"No. I'm your friend too you know. It's your problem if you don't think like that." he frowned.

"I didn't mean it like that, okay?" I made an apologetic face. "I just don't know what to do. It's complicated." I said while watching Jamie laughing with the others.

"I don’t know about that but it won't do any good if you overthink and let it affect you every second. Just lay off, forget about it for a while and enjoy. Life is much more than that. I told the same thing to him and now I'm telling it to you."

"Oh! Since when did you decide to become a counsellor?" I mocked.

"Right now and you're my first patient." he said and we shared a laugh. "You girls still have two years left while we have only one. This will be our last year together. We won't be here, hanging out like this the next year. So it's just me getting a bit nostalgic." he said, his face showing emotion.

A lump began to form at my throat. I wonder how it will be like for the three of us without the boys around. It will surely get lonely. He is right after all. I can't sulk about my worries all the time. I looked at the sky as the sunlight was beginning to get dim.

"Thank you Zen. You cheered me up." I gave a sad smile.

"Anytime dear." he smiled back. "You know, there are some things we can do and some we don't have a control over."

"What you are trying to say this time?" I rolled my eyes. Somehow I couldn't help but think that he was referring this to his past with Zoya. I looked at the three of them again who were almost finished with eating chaat and a thought crossed my mind.

"So Zenny, I heard that you occasionally talk to Ashima over phone at midnight. Suspicious indeed." I asked trying to stifle back a laugh.

"You're assuming it yourself. There's nothing to be suspicious about." He shrugged.

"Oh really?" I raised a brow in a teasing way. "But I heard it from Ashima herself. Just days ago, I had called her during midnight to ask her something but her call was busy. I know her very well Zen. She doesn't have anyone in particular she can talk to so late at night. When I confronted her next day, she told me it was you."

"Impossible. She must be joking. Besides I don't tend to stay awake for long." he laughed which seemed forced. Caught ya!

"Hey what's going on?" Jamie waved his hand as he approached us.

"Ah nothing. We were just talking." he said bitterly and went away.

"What happened to him?" he pointed out.

"Just wait and watch." I grinned and motioned him to observe Zen. I told Jamie about what I had said to Zen earlier. We walked in a little closer to them but pretended not to pay attention.

We watched Zen approach Ashima and said something to her which made her confused. It was looking as if Ashima was trying to prove her innocence.

"But I never said it, I swear." We heard Ashima say out loud and both of us bursted into fits of laughter while turning our heads to the other side and keeping our hands to our mouths. The truth is Ashima never said that she was talking to Zen at that time, she was too shy to admit it. I just assumed it myself and asked Zen.

"What happened to them all of a sudden?" Lynda approached us as she pointed her finger to Zen and Ashima who were in the middle of an argument.

"Nothing special. He just proved that it was him all along." I said in a low voice.

"How sneaky of them? And they say that we hide things from them. Do you think they are dating secretly?" he asked.

"I don't think so. You see Ash is not capable of hiding such a huge secret from us." Lynda stated.

"I agree with Lynda. I think they are in the stage where they are more than friends but less than lovers." I stated. Lynda nodded in agreement.

"This seems like deja-vu." Lynda gave a faint smile. "The three of us  used to talk behind your backs when things were getting heated up between you two."

"Oh!" I said looking down while Jamie looked distant.

"Uh! Sorry I didn't meant to sound it as awkward." Lynda apologized.

"It's okay Lynn. Let's head back. It's getting late." Jamie said draping an arm around her. "Hey you two, stop bickering. Midnight calls are waiting for you." he teased them and they frowned. I don't know why but it looked like he just ignored me right now since he didn't even bothered to look back at me. I walked up to catch up with them feeling disheartened.

Is this it then?

"That was tiring indeed." I said, as I plopped myself in my bed. I let my body relax for a while and smiled as I replayed the events that happened today. I was lost in my own world when my phone buzzed causing me to jump. My eyes grew wide as I saw a message from Jamie. He would send me a random message every now and then where he would express himself. I just read them without replying. I began to read the message in my mind. 

"Today we walked together at the Metro station. Yeah, I know I am exaggarating since we shortly parted ways after reaching the platform. But it somehow reminded me of the days when we used to go home together before we dated. That was the time when we grew closer. I was happy that I could be with you, walk next to you even for a while. Stupid thing is, I never noticed these things until today. Those times were very precious to me. I just realized this a bit too late, I guess."

I buried my face in the pillow trying to suppress my emotions. It's incredibly strange how we manage to think alike and that too at the same time. Just minutes ago, I was replaying the day in my mind and I thought about the time when we were walking together after Ashima left us on the station. Were we always like this?  Being on the same wavelength. I didn't had time to think further when another message followed.

"I really miss you, even though I don't show it. Every single day when I see you, I have to be reminded that you're not with me. And I know somewhere you feel that pain too. I believe that we indeed have something. Something which I didn't really felt from my previous relationships... A connection. You tend to make me the kind of person I never was. It surprises me even. What makes you so special to me, I wonder? You're just an ordinary girl lol. Man, I'm writing such crazy things but I just need to let this out of my system. Just hear me out. No matter how badly I want to, I can't undo what I've done. I have to accept the fact that I cheated on you. It must be hard for you, to be cheated by two guys. I understand why you find so hard to trust people. I'm so sorry for making you feel this way. But please don't let yourself down. You're an awesome girl. Even after I loose you, I would still be wishing for someone like you in the future (which I know I won't get). Miss Dutta, I love you so so much. Just remember that. Okay, okay, I'll stop (Even my fingers are paining now) Don't worry, this will be the last rant message I'll send it to you. I won't bother you again. I'll just accept the memories I have of you and move on, though that will be the hardest part. We'll just be normal friends, the same way we are now, okay? Time will pass on and everything will be normal. I think I better stop now. I have a test tomorrow. Sorry for this incredibly long message. It's actually the first time I've written such a long one haha! Anyways, good night. Take care my sunshine and be happy always. :)"

I didn't even read the last sentence because I was crying by the time I finished halfway through. Why you have to do this Jamie? Why you have to make me suffer so much and then....

My phone buzzed off yet again and I wiped my eyes to see the message clearly.

"PS: I forgot to mention this. Just wanted to remind you that some of your clothes and few of your belongings are in my house. Shall I bring them to you or will you come to take them yourself? Whatever way seems convenient to you. Do reply me."

"Hey, what happened? You're crying." Ayesha asked frantically when she saw me. "Wait Ayu, where are you going? It's already night." she said as she saw me grabbing my handbag. I rushed to the door and informed her that I'll be back after sometime.

My mind couldn't think straight and my heart felt like it will leap out of my mouth. Hell, I don't even want to think anymore. I was just following my instincts. I was getting this bitter feeling that something was slipping out my hand, further and further away from me. 

I unlocked the door with the spare key I still held on to. I was nearly out of breath since I ran my way up the stairs. My heart nearly stopped when I saw him in the living room. He was sitting on the floor, with his books lying besides him while his mobile lay on his lap. He was probably waiting for my reply. He stopped writing the moment he saw me. He looked so innocent, like a child in wonder, making my heart swell at the very sight of him. I couldn't help but stare at him. It made me forget everything at that instant. 

"Ayu, wha- what are you doing?" he asked nervously.

I sat down in front of him and picked up his books. "You really are preparing for the test." I said, my voice soft.

"Yeah, well I had nothing better to do. Even if I just lay down, I would only end up thinking about you." he said as he ran his hand through his hair. "Oh! You must be here to get back your belongings. Wait, I'll just get-"

I didn't even let him finish his sentence. I couldn't bear to hear it. I hugged him, ever so tight. Eventually tears began to crawl down my cheeks but I didn't care. I simply wanted to feel him in my arms right now.

"Ayu?" he whispered startled.

"You idiot, how dare you say that? D-don't you realize... I belong here too, you know." I said in a small voice as I sobbed.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. I guess he was too startled by my words. Then all of a sudden, I felt strong arms around my waist. He held on to me as if his life depended on it.

"Oh Ayu! I really thought you would never come back... I... I was so afraid." he said, his voice shaky. He moved his hands up to my back. "I don't want to you to go, ever. Are you really back? Please tell me you're back." he pleaded.

I pulled back a little and placed my arms on his shoulders. "Guess what, my love was too much to let you go. Besides I had to fulfill that promise, right?" I said trying my best to smile but failed miserably as tears kept falling.

"Hey, come on." he said in a soothing voice as he wiped my tears with his fingers. Oh, how I missed his voice and his tender touch. Slowly he brought his face to me, our foreheads almost touching each other. "I swear... I won't look at anyone else except you." he said with emotion as he clutched my ears with his palms. 

"I do believe in you but I still don't trust you enough." I confessed. I had to say it no matter how bitter it sounded.

"Then, I'll just have to work hard to win it back." he gave a faint smile as he gave a peck on my lips. 

"Alright then. Please don't make me regret my decision." I said in a childish voice as I placed my head in his chest and laid down comfortably besides him.

"You won't, I promise." he whispered as he ran his hands through my hair and rested his head below mine.

I can't place all the blame on him, since I'm partially to be blamed too, for some reason. I didn't cared how right or wrong it seemed. It didn't matter because right now, he was right here and that was all I needed.

                                                      --------------------------------------------

Aww! (This was my personal fav) Do honestly tell me how you found this chapter? Everyone sure has grown, haven't they? Let's see how it goes on from here.....

Don't forget to vote and comment, my lovelies. Next chapter will be good hehee! ;)