AYU

"Did you missed me girls? I'm back." Jamie announced as he made his flashy appearance in the 'Indian Society and Community' class this morning.

"Oh hi Jamie! So you're okay now. Hey, I like the nail paint you're wearing, Lynda. Can you lend me?" Ashima said quickly before turning to Lynda, examining her dark purple nail paint.

"Sure. I'll bring it tomorrow." Lynda replied smiling. I think she was finally enjoying being in our company. She was a nice girl, once someone gets to know her. Except for her blunt mouth that is.

"Hey, I was going to try that." I protested and argued on who should wear that nail paint. I took a quick glance at Jamie who got disappointed since none of us were paying attention to him. "You deserve it."

After class.

"You are wearing a new shirt today. Any special occasion?" Lynda asked Jamie. She is right. He was wearing half black, half gray shirt I've never seen before.

"Yes, you see I'm going to impress someone today." He smugged. "I'm single after all."

"I see." I said and approached him. "Just a suggestion, white suits you better and also-" I said and fixed his collar by making it stand up a bit. "Better."

"T-thanks." He stammered and I looked up making a 'what?' expression.

"So ironic, huh Jamie?" Zen chuckled and Jamie shot a threatening look as if to sush him up.

"Care to enlighten us?" I eyed at Zen suspiciously.

"Ask him first." Zen said laughing shamelessly.

After classes, I went home by train as usual. I was on the station when I recieved a message from Jamie.

Him: That green scarf doesn't suit you, miss sunshine. Stop wearing it. :p

How did he know that? I only took out my scarf a minute ago since the weather was getting cold. I looked around but couldn't spot him.

Me: You're the one to talk, Mr. Stalker.

Him: Then allow this stalker to accompany you. ;)
Look behind.

I did just that and saw him grinning at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

He said he just happened to see me. Our classes must have ended at the same time I guess. Luckily, we got our seats today since it wasn't evening which is the peak time for the trains to get crowded.

"So what you will have for dinner?" I asked out of nowhere.

"I haven't decided yet. Maybe I'll order something." He said, looking up.

"I was so right."

"About what?"

I sighed. "You don't actually take care of your health, do you? I'm sure you just gobble up junk food or order most of the time."

"Not always. I do prepare dinner. I'm just not up to it sometimes. "

"Oh, really? Then why didn't I find any vegetable or even pulses in your kitchen. I guess it's understandable since you went to Australia. How about now? I bet if I go to your place right now, it would be in the same condition as last time. Am I right or am I not?" I raised my voice a little. Like a deer caught in the headlights, he looked away.

"Now, listen! You will get off from the station and go to the convenient store to buy food items before heading home. Do you get me?" I ordered.

"What are you, my mother? Even my mom doesn't do that."

"I'm not but I'm your friend and I'm saying this for your own good. No wonder you get sick like that." I scolded.

"Alright fine, now stop lecturing me."

****

October was coming to an end and so it was the time for the annual day preparation which was to be held during November. There were going to be stage performances, food & game stalls, contests and the fireworks display. I was debating on whether to take part or not. Ashima was already auditioning for a dance performance.

Things got easier when the CR (Monitor) of our class informed me about a singing audition. She already wrote my name. Said she saw me singing on one of the class parties last year and believed that I'd get selected. I gave the audition.

"Oh my God, you won't believe this! I got selected. I really got selected. What should I do Ashima? I don't know if I'll be able to sing in front of so many people." I said getting nervous and excited at the same time.

"You and nervous? They don't click together." Ashima giggled and placed her hand on my shoulder. "You'll be fine, Ayu. I saw when you were singing that English song. You were fabulous. I'll also be there on that same stage as you. We'll face our fears together."

"That makes me happy. Since when did you become so brave?"

"Just now," she said, showing off her tongue.

Thus the classes were cut short to give time for students to prepare. I would usually go to practice with three more girls who were chosen besides me along with the band people who would practice music with us. It was tiring yet an exciting experience for me. Zen was in the organizing committee while Jamie and two of his friends were selected to host a game stall that day.

"Sorry, the practice just dragged on today. Did you wait for me?" I apologized to Jamie after my practice was over. Oh, he was wearing a white shirt just like I suggested.

"Yeah, for half an hour but don't worry, it's okay." he gave a small smile.

Ever since the preparations started, we ended up going home together by train. His stop would come first and mine was three stations ahead. When I think about it, the distance between mine and his residence is roughly about fifteen minutes.

"Hey, I just remembered. That day you were about to ask something. What was it?" Jamie questioned.

"Well, I happened to look into your photo albums that day. They were good."

"Oh!" he said, startled. "I love to keep a record of those moments."

"I can see that. I saw some close up pictures of you with a really pretty blonde girl. Is she one of your ex'es?"

"Nah, she's my little kitty." He smirked.

"Excuse me?"

"Look missy, I'm not obliged to share every little detail to you," He said making a cold face.

"I was just curious," I pouted. Ugh, now I was even more intrigued to know about this woman. Why? I didn't know. Whoever she might be. It had got nothing to do with me.

"Don't tell me you're jealous." He wriggled his eyes at me.

"Ha, in your dreams."

"Don't worry, you're the second girl in my list," he said with a smug. I raised my brow, waiting for him to put some sense into his ridiculous statement. He sighed. "Let's just say that, Laura, the woman you are asking about, is my number one in the list of 'Hottest girls I've encountered.' And you, my dear, come in close second."

"You're kidding right? I'm not that hot," I said getting surprised. Now I know I wasn't ugly but there's no way I was that sexy. He must have seen so many other girls that were way hotter than me in Australia.

"I'm never wrong in my speculation. Have some self confidence. You're not as plain as you think. Infact you're, um... good looking," he said with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Oh!" Was the only thing I said and decided to look at the floor instead.

Silence.

"That reminds me. What happened to that Alexandria? Did he apologize?" He asked getting my attention.

"He did. Said he was sorry for his behaviour."

"He should be," Jamie said as a matter of factly. After that incident, Alex messaged me two days later saying how he deeply regretted his words and also requested not to contact him for a while since he was afraid he might say something else again. Last week, he called saying his problem was finally solved. I was happy to know that.

"Well he wants to go on a date with me to make up for the last time. But as you can see I'm busy these days." I said forcing a smile.

"But you can still afford to go on sundays right?"

"Yes I can..." I said leaving out the unsaid words to hang between us.

"Is something wrong?" He asked looking at me, concerned. "He didn't say anything else, right?"

"No, not at all," I said in a low voice. Truth was, I'd been making up excuses to avoid meeting him. I didn't know why. I just felt disconnected whenever I talked to him these days. Why when he was trying to make up with me? He even sent me a surprise package full of chocolates at my hostel this morning. All girls were jealous at me. We were finally having a normal conversation after a long time. I thought we would be close like before but on the contrary, I was getting further away from him. Was it just me? What was wrong with me?

Regardless, I made up a mental note to meet Alex this weekend.

The days that followed were chaotic with everyone getting busy in something or the other. My singing practice helped me get my mind off things. Not during the night though. I would stay awake for a while thinking about my problem with Alex that refused to go away even after meeting him. I thought about Alex.

And him.

"Yo, miss Wanderer. Come back to earth?" said Jamie waving his hand in front of my face, bringing me back to reality.

"Ah, sorry my mind drifted off. What were you saying?"

"Nothing noteworthy. Look out, it's going to get crowded today." he said and I followed his line of sight to the  crowd that was standing in front of the station. The train screeched to a halt and people rushed in like swarmed bees. I tried to maintain my grip but ended up getting sandwiched instead.

"Get off!" I shouted, pushing my way out. I raised my head above the crowd but couldn't see Jamie anywhere. I guess he got carried away. This sucks. To add to my misery, a man's foot got in the way of my leg. I was about to lose my balance when a hand stretched out and gripped mine.

"Watch out, you clumsy girl! You should be well prepared before getting into this crowded box." Jamie mocked.

"Yeah, thanks."

"No problem." he smiled.

The train started moving. I had to support myself with one hand holding the pole and my other holding Jamie's hand. My eyes dropped to where his palm had a firm grip over my fingers. His hands weren't as big as Alex. They were rough and warm. Suddenly I looked away, getting aware of our touch. Good grief, Ayu, get a grip! He's only holding your hand to avoid from tripping onto someone. Then why he wasn't holding my wrist like last time? Why wasn't he saying anything? This was starting to get awkward. Damn, I was overthinking yet again.

The train arrived to the next stop. People were getting out and more were coming in. What if I got seperated again? That'd be troublesome. I held my breath as I slowly moved my hand a bit and interwined my fingers with his. Somehow they fitted in just perfectly. A small gasp escaped his lips. I jerked my head to look his way but his face was turned to the other side. I wondered what kind of face he was making right now? That was when I saw the corners of his lips twitch. I just saw him... smile for a second there or was it my imagination? The mere thought was making my heart race. I averted away, smiling like a fool.

What is wrong with me?

I admit I was starting to enjoy Jamie's company these days. It was comfortable being around him. We were just holding hands but I couldn't stop smiling. No, this wasn't right. It wasn't right at all.

The crowd became lesser than before but Jamie still didn't let go of my hand. Not until the announcement for the next station where Jamie usually departed. He withdrew his hand from mine, already making me feel a bit empty all of a sudden. No, I didn't want him to leave so soon.

"Co-Coffee." I mustered my strength to speak. 

"Huh?" 

"I feel like having coffee."

Silence.

"Okay, let's stop by at the next station to have coffee," He finally suggested.

The train reached the station and we stepped out. I walked behind him, silently watching his back in a haze.

I was really making a big deal out of this, wasn't I? It was normal to hold hands with a friend. It was normal to share your joy and worries with someone you felt comfortable with. It was normal to lean on a friend at the time of need. It was normal to travel home together. In the future too, it will be perfectly normal. Then why didn't I feel that way? Why was I not convinced? Since when did I became so aware of him? I was beginning to wonder if anything related to him was ever normal at all, right from the time we met.

The air around me was getting thicker, making it difficult to breathe with each passing second. I could hear my heart beating loudly against my chest. A funny feeling settled at the pit of my stomach. The silence was deafening. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What's wrong?" Jamie asked when he noticed me no longer walking behind him. He stood before me.

I gripped my hold onto the strap of my handbag. "Jamie... What are we exactly?"

He let out a dry laugh. "Friends obviously."

And obviously, I wasn't satisfied. "Are we really just friends? What does being normal friends mean? Didn't... didn't we cross that line a long time ago."

"What are you talking about all of a sudden? You're being ridiculous."  he said, his face showing anxiety.

"Then why didn't you let go of my hand?"

His eyes grew wide for a split second until he looked away, his face remorseful. "Look, I know we have been through awkward situations sometimes, but that was obvious. Don't tell me you were expecting a pure friendship from me. After what happened between us, do you seriously think it was possible? I'm not saying we aren't friends. We definitely are, and it will remain this way as long as we don't cross that line," He explained and let out a long sigh. "It's getting late. Let's just drink coffee and go home."

It was evident he didn't want to talk about this. Fidgeting with my trembling hands, I spoke. "You got a point, but... this is just a what if situation. What if we were really dating, instead of just hanging out? What do you think would have happened to us? If I wouldn't have told you to stop talking to me that time."

His brows furrowed in disbelief. "Don't you think it's a little too late to ask that now? It was all back in the past. It's got nothing to do with now."

"It does!" I raised my voice a little but then calmed myself. "You were interested in me that time, weren't you?"

"I was but for a totally different reason. I would have ended up taking advantage of you."

"Then, what about now?" I asked anxiously while looking at him in the eye.

Silence, more silence as we stood there with thousands of unsaid words looming over us.

"Whether I'm interested in you or not... It hardly matters. You're with someone else right now and that's all that matters," he said choosing his words carefully, giving a sad smile. He placed his hands on my shoulders, gazing at me softly. "Listen, I think you're deviating away from your feelings because things aren't going well with your boyfriend. That's why you're saying all of this. If you cool down a bit, you'll realize. It's temporary."

He might be right after all. If he was then, why I was feeling so uncertain? I didn't know what to believe in anymore.

"If we were to go out..." Jamie started out of nowhere. "I don't think that would work out."

"Why?"

He turned around, avoiding my face. "Our priorities are different. You are much more serious and committed in a relationship, whereas I'm not. In the end, I'd only hurt you and I wouldn't want that at all."

I glued my eyes to the ground. Why would you say that? I wouldn't be hurt by you. Whether it'd be your mindless jokes, your attempt to flirt or your smile, you always made me happy. I guess I was getting worked up for nothing. Hell, it was wrong to think like that when I was already with Alex. The ground below me was starting to blur. There was no way I was going to cry in front of him again. I blinked rapidly.

"You were right. I was overthinking. Oh, look, it's getting late. We should get going." I said, faking a smile. Quickly, I made my way to walk past him.

"What about coffee? It's right over-"

"You can have it if you want. I'm going," I cut him off.

"Ayu, wait!" He called behind me. I stopped walking for a second and turned to throw a brief glance at him.

"Bye Jamie," I said forcing a smile and walked away before he tried to call me out again.

---------------------------------------------

*Sigh* The last scene was getting me worked up here. I had to literally crack my brain just now. Lol! But I was so excited to write this part. I tried my best to show the emotions of the characters. So what do you think will happen to Jamie & Ayu? Should Ayu stick with Alex or leave him? Voice your thoughts and don't forget to click on that little star at the right.

A random question: Tea or coffee.