I would love to apologize. How long it has been? 3 months? Damn, never though I would take this long break 🤦🏻‍♀️. I'm so sorry.

Also 0MrBrightside0 was right. I had over 5k notifications, but Wattpad doesn't want to show them to me. The last he can show me is from 22 of March. So I basically lost 3 months of your attention. If you want to notify me about somebody tagging me or something important, I would be really happy about that.

3 days update schedule should fix that, right? 🤗  See you in 3 days then.

Enjoy ^.^
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Hours passed hours, one phone call after another. All I could do was lay in the bed, stare at the wall or ceiling. My mind, my whole body, was shut down. No thoughts, no goals, only surreal sorrow consuming my body like the virus.

The first hours I even cried. I cried until there were no tears left, and even then I still cried. After it was just pure silence, motionless. I heard voice of my mother, although it was in the distance and silent, like I was under the water. I didn't even remembered how I got home that day.

I didn't understand why I was paralyzed, why I didn't stop him even though I truly wanted. He gave me more than I could wish for. He gave me his heart, and I showed him what could happen if he did what I wanted him to.

All the time I blamed him for being selfish, for taking me only like a sex toy, craving for days when he would love me back. I remembered Luke's words about him being afraid to open up, to let people in. And I did what he was terrified of the moment he showed me his feelings.

I didn't want to let him in, because I was afraid he would hurt me. I was afraid he would be the old selfish man, but I did even worse thing. I lost him.

If there's really no future for me in your life, I will leave and I promise you won't ever see me again.

I wanted to cry again, but there were still no tears. I heard knocking on the door, distance female voice, and I knew my mum was telling my something through the closed door. Her words were mashed into the big blur. I didn't even wanted to understand what she was trying to say. I had a feeling there were even a male voice, a voice I knew.

I'm sorry. I love you, Jonathan.

I felt new wave of sadness increasing in my body, new wave of pain. And I gave myself in, welcoming the familiar feelings with open arms.

I was woken up by the phone call. Blindly, I grabbed my phone. My head was blasting in pain, my eyes stinging from crying. Without opening my eyes I answered the phone call.

"Evan, I'm so sorry I'm calling in these hours, but that man who wants to buy you is really stubborn. He's offering 30M dollars."

I had to wait a few more seconds, before my brain started to work again. Putting pieces together, I finally realized who was on the line and what was he saying.

"I told you I'm not interested," I replied, hanging up instantly.

I sat down, rubbing my eyes. Getting off the bed slowly, I wanted to walk towards the bathroom, but I had no idea how weak my body was. I fell on the ground, taking my time on my all four.

I'm so pathetic.

I raised my head, standing up again. I did few more steps, the world around me spun. Hitting the closet, I regained my balance. I successfully made it to the bathroom, not daring to look at myself into the mirror. I peed, quickly washed my hands, and walked back to my bed.

The darkness around me combined with my weakness made me stumble again, falling right at still unpacked boxes. I heard cracking and tearing sounds, my whole body hurt from the hit.

"Hun? Honey, are you alright?" I heard my mum's voice, and I sighed.

"I'm alive," I replied, not even checking if she heard me or not, my voice completely different.

I took a deep breath, getting up again. I switched the lights on, giving my eyes some time to adjust to the darkness.

"Sweetie? Can we talk now? Can you open the door? It has been three days since I saw you. You need to eat, you need to drink."

3 days already?

"Go away, please," I whispered, not wanting to hurt her too.

"I'm worried about you. Your teacher is worried too. I'll make your favorite lunch tomorrow, ok? Just please come down, I'll be waiting for you."

I heard her footsteps vanish, and I raised my both hands. They were shaking, and I didn't even want to know what from. I did step towards the boxes, checking what damages I made.

My heart skipped a few beats when my eyes fell on the blue jacket. My mind instantly took me into the past, the moment when Luke gave me the jacket. The moment in the elevator, when he took it back. The moment of his caring soul when he give it to me as I was shaking in cold. The moment of my very first kiss. A kiss with somebody I loved.

I took the jacket into my hands, walking back to the bed. I took it on, when a familiar scent hit my nostrils. It was mix of calmness, love and softness. I pulled the jacket closer, feeling new tears streaming down.

What are you doing? Are you back in North Carolina? Did you buy somebody else to ease your pain? To help you forget about me? Are you even thinking about me?

I bit down my lower lip and closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears, trying to stop the pain.

Why didn't I stop you? Why didn't I do something? Why did I give up?

My eyes shot open as my brain started to work properly. I somehow got through the smoke of doubts and guilt, seeing the light.

That's it! Oh my god! I can't give up so easily, I can't give up on him. I need to fix my mistakes, even if it means going to the end of the world for him.

Grabbing my phone, I quickly dialed MiniLadd's number again. While waiting for him to answer, I got off the bed again.

"MiniLadd speaking," he greeted me energetically.

"Mini, it's me Evan!" I almost shouted, my heart raced in my chest.

I grabbed my backpack, throwing all the content on my bed. There was a owl plush, pushing me in what I wanted to do, giving me the courage I needed.

"Evan? Have you changed your mind?" He asked me confused.

"No. But I have a huge favor to ask," I said aloud, preying this would work.

"Ok, you're scaring me. Shoot."

I turned around, grabbing my favorite clothes and putting them into my backpack, while holding he phone.

"I need to sell myself," I informed him, hearing no response for a few seconds.

"That's... that's not big deal. I'll put you up again," he replied confused.

"No, no, no. I need to sell myself to one certain person," I explained.

"What? This is not how it works. This is auction based system."

"I'm well aware, that's why I need your help. I need you to contact Delirious. I need you to tell him he won a boy like a price for being a top ten customer, or whatever you can come up with. Don't tell him it's me, just some boy. I'll cover up the fly ticket, you don't need to worry about that. Can you do that for me?!" I asked with all my hopes.

"Why can't you just fly over there to get fucked like normal people would do?" He answered me with a question.

"Because it's surprise, ok?"

And because I'm not sure if he would listen to me if I just show up in front of his house. I'm not even sure if he would even open the door.

"I'm not sure about this. I need to talk with Tyler, I-I mean Wildcat."

"Mini, listen. I'm willing to pay you for that," I tried to get him on my side.

"You're willing to pay to be sold out? How much?"

Money. It's always about the money.

"How much do you want?" I replied, almost fully packed all my needed stuff.

"Wow, you really mean it. I need to talk with Tyler," Mini informed me, and I groaned.

"I don't have time for that!" I replied instantly.

"Let me just wake him up," Mini whispered, muting himself for a few minutes.

C'mon. Please, please be on my side.

"Evan, you still there?" I heard Mini's voice, and I stopped pacing.

"Yes, I'm here."

"We will do it, and you keep your money."

"Really?! Thank you!" I smiled widely.

"Although it's middle of the night, well call him tomorrow. I'll stay in touch with you."

Tomorrow is better than never. I'm not sure if I'll be able to fall asleep now though.

"Thank you!" I whispered, calming myself down.

He hung up on me, and I realized how hungry I was. Opening the door of my room, I stepped into the hallway and walked downstairs. I opened the fridge, taking out all the food I saw.

"Evan?" I heard behind me, and I jumped in surprise with a scream.

A pack of eggs fell directly on the ground and I managed to catch other things which started to fall down. My mum quickly helped me, looking at me like she was seeing a ghost.

"Here, let me cook. What do you want?" She asked carefully, like she didn't want to scare me away.

"I'm so hungry that I don't care. Let me help you though," I smiled at her.

We cooked together, and I knew she wanted to ask me about what happened. After I was done with my food, she finally asked.

"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"I... didn't stop the only man I've been in love when he was leaving. I hurt him so much. I don't know what happened back there, I was just paralyzed. But now I know what I need to do," I explained, seeing her eyes widened.

"You mean Jonathan? I'm so sorry, hun."

"It's ok now. I need to fly over there, explain him a few things."

"Fly over there? You mean North Carolina where he lives?" She asked, and I nodded.

"Yes. You know there's not point of stopping me. Even if you say no, I'll fly there," I said firmly.

"Let me pay for tickets, that's the smallest thing I can do for you in this situation," she smiled at me again, making me so happy.

"You want to help me?"

"You've done so much for me, Evan. And from the dinner we all had together a few days ago I know he cares about you. Consider it as a mother's instinct," she placed her hand on mine.

"Thank you."

"You should call your teacher. He was here everyday. Oh, and some tall bearded man was asking about you too. I think his name was Luise, no... Larry? No," she mumbled at the end.

"Luke?" I guessed, and she quickly nodded.

"Luke, yes! And some boy named Bryce. He said he was from your class," she informed me, and I tried to figure out what Bryce was doing here.

"That's more visitors than in my entire life," I joked, when she ruffled my hair.

"Do you need a ride to the airport?" She asked me, and I was still bit shocked how easy this was.

"Not now, it's not even a morning. I need to wait for a few things to settle before I can fly there. And as you said I need to call my teacher and Luke."

"I'm proud of you, my sweet baby. I'll see you in the morning," she kissed me on my forehead, yawning tiredly.

"Love you, mum."

I walked back to my room, decided to call Ohm. And even though I was well aware he was probably sleeping, I had to assure him I was ok.

"Evan! Oh my god, Evan!!"

"Hey," I smiled.

"Are you even real?" He replied carefully.

"Yes, it's me. My mum said you were here."

"You weren't answering your phone. And since you fled from the scene of crime, when you suddenly left me with Luke in the restaurant, I was worried about you," he replied, and I was curious how their 'date' went.

"Sorry. I... I don't really know what happened. In one second he was kissing me, and in the second he was leaving without me stopping him. I'm actually flying over North Carolina tomorrow, just wanted to let you know."

There was a few minutes of silence, and I had a feeling he was mad at me.

"I know what you said, Ohm. I know what you warned me about. But I won't change my mind. I let him go, I hurt him and I hurt myself. It's more painful than I ever imagined," I continued, breaking the silence.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked silently.

"I know for sure there's something in him telling me he loves me, and there's something in him trying to only use me. But I love him, and I'm ready to fight for it," I said firmly, hugging the owl plush.

"I don't like him, and I don't think I'll ever find any reasons to change that. But I know he isn't the man who hurt me, and I shouldn't have tried to put this thought into your mind and I hope you will forgive me. I'm sorry for that. Do you need any help?" He asked, making me smile.

"I don't want to loose you, Ohm."

"You just lost your Sugar Daddy, Evan," he said, and I felt my heart skip a few beats.

"But you gained new best friend. I'll be by your side, if you need me. I won't leave you, until you say differently. But can I ask for a little favor in exchange?" He asked, and I quickly nodded.

"Ask away."

"Don't ever play on matchmaker. I appreciate it, truly, but Luke is just... he reminds me of the man who painfully hurt me. The way he cockily acts and the way he shows off his ego. I already told him, but he refuses to listen. Please, if you speak with him, tell him this. Tell him, that he's really good looking, he sets my heart on fire, but there's no way he can get through my walls. That's just the way it is."

"But I got through those walls! You let me though," I claimed, a bit confused by his words.

"I did, because you were the one seeking for help," he replied, and I heard a smile in his voice.

So I just need to make you seek for help, so he can get through. And I will make it.

"Thank you, Ohm. I think I'll let you sleep, I need to make a few more calls," I said my goodbyes.

"Text me once you land there. And don't forget about what I said! Goodnight."

I felt my eyes getting heavier, feeling so tired, and let the dream world take over me once again. I was woken up by the phone call again, making me sat up. It took me a while to realize what was going on, where I was and what was happening.

"Yes?" I answered the phone, quickly getting of the bed.

"Evan, hey. Everything is ready, the plane is waiting for you at the airport," MiniLadd told me, and I blinked several times.

"Wait, no! You told him it was me?!" I panicked.

"No, calm your horses. He shouldn't suspect a thing," MiniLadd replies, and I felt a stinging at my heart.

So he wants to forget then. Now I just wonder how many boys has he had after I let him go.

"Thank you!" I said, grabbing my backpack.

"Take care."

I put my phone back to my jeans, almost running downstairs. My mum was already in the kitchen, and I screamed my goodbyes as I was getting my shoes on.

"Have fun!" She yelled back, and I quickly shut the door behind me.

I wanted to run, but my eyes fell on the familiar person in front of the car. He smirked at me, opening the door.

"Need a ride?" Luke asked, and I quickly got in.

"How do you know?" I asked him, when he started the engine.

"It's going to be my secret, Skirtboy. I'm just glad you're doing the right thing," he smiled at me.

"How is he?" I asked in whisper, once again checking in my backpack if I had everything.

"He... he's fine," Luke replied, and I looked at him.

"Fine? So much fine that he's buying another boy?"

"It's the way he's healing himself. Alcoholic finds his help in the glass of whisky, a drug addict in any drugs," Luke explained, and I felt so bad again.

"I didn't want to hurt him. Nor did I want to let him go," I tried to defend myself.

"What did you do to him? What happened?" Luke asked, and I frowned.

"You two haven't talked about that?"

"I tried, but he was too shady, and then he returned back home. So I tried to get the answers from you, but you weren't responding either. By the way, can I say how hot your mum is? She's li-"

"I get it, I get it. I finally know what to do and how to save it. I mean, if he lets me. How was your date?" I asked Luke, seeing him sigh.

"He's tougher than I thought. A few times flirting along, but it's like dancing around the line. And every time I tried to cross that line he stepped back. But I'm not important now. I expect calls ok?" He looked at me, stopping the car.

I'll help you. I promise I will.

"I'll call, thanks Luke."

"Pleasure was on my side, Skirtboy, always will be," he smirked, and I rolled my eyes.

Opening the door, I got off the car. I expected to be in front of the airport, but I was already on the runway in front of the jet.

"Evan! It's so good to see you again," Lui stepped towards me, and I smiled.

"Lui."

"Hey, Evan!"

I heard Luke's voice when I was on the stairs towards the plane. I turned my head to see him, stopping myself.

"Don't forget to scream his name so even I can hear it!" He yelled at me, and I felt my cheeks burning.

Horny bastard.

The time flew so quickly, in the pleasant company of Lui, and I was already standing in front of his house. Brock led to the room, leaving me alone again. I remembered what everything happened here, my first feelings and my dreams.

The first time when I was standing here, I had no idea what to expect, who to expect. Now I was waiting for the man I loved, a lot wiser and with the same nervousness in my body.

I was wearing the collar he knew too well, clutching the rope nervously in my hands. Harness, the one when I was trying the costumes, his steel making me shiver in cold in touch with my skin, and black boxers.

I heard quick footsteps, and I gulped, taking a deep breath.

"Are you out of your mind?" His deep voice carried through the door, and I knew he was mad.

"But sir, he's already prepared. He's just waiting for you," Brock replied, and I was surprised how calm his voice was.

"I don't care! I told Tyler I didn't want anybody! Wait, you snuck him here without my approval! How did you even knew about this? Luke. It was Luke, wasn't it?"

Wait, he didn't even want to fuck any boys?

"Sir, the boy is waiting. And you need to live again," Brock said, and I heard a banging noise as he hit the wall.

"Tell him to get the fuck out of my house. Get him back home, I don't even care where that is. And don't you try do things behind my back again."

C'mon. Delirious, please. Please!

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't serve you here," Brock replied, and I bit down my lower lip.

"Fine! I'll tell him myself."

The door opened and he did a few steps into the room, when his blue eyes met mines. It was just as the time stopped at that moment.

"I'm here to talk. Hear me out, before you kick me out, please," I started my speech, feeling my mouth being dried out already.

Here goes nothing.