~Y/N POV~

It's been a month since Jungkook's passing and everyday do I come here after school before going home. To the graveyard and just sit here and think of how I could of helped him. I didn't realise that he was suffering so much that he felt the need to take his own life.

After my dad told me of the news that Jungkook had passed away I fainted, blacked out to the world around me and yet when I woke up I was in total denial until my dad had to tell me what happened to him to make me believe him. Jungkook had jumped off a bridge and to end his life and it was later reported he died due to blunt force trauma to the end which must of been when he landed in the river below. Apparently he didn't suffer but that doesn't make it any better.

He's gone and he's not coming back.

I'd give anything to see him again and this time make it right. To be there for him and push myself back into his life and be the best of friends like we use to be. I should of tried harder for the two of us to stay together.

Like every day I sit in front of his grave, reading his name off the stone but to think that he's under there and not up here with me hurts so much. I knew I had a crush on him but does it really hurt this much to lose your crush?

I personally don't think so. It's like a part of me has been torn out from my soul, like a missing piece to a jigsaw, it can never be complete without that other piece. And my piece is gone.

A tear slipped my cheek and yet I quickly wipe it away. It's been a hard month without him for sure and my friends have been there for me even if they didn't know Jungkook but I did. They knew this and after the storied I told them of Jungkook they had wished they had known him. Even Taehyung surprisingly. At first I thought he was acting all sympathetic to get in my pants but no, he actually feels bad for Jungkook.

I wished Jungkook could of had friends like I do. Another regret of mine. Instead of being too shy I should of just stayed with Jungkook and introduced him to everyone. He had no one and I could of helped that. I could of been there for him but I wasn't.

Not like I promised when we were kids.

Jungkook was always the shy boy but the most loyalist friend you could ever know.

I smile sadly to the memoires Jungkook and I shared as kids. We always played in my back garden on my swing set and slide. We even spent our last actual time alone as friends on my swings making a promise that we would still be friends all through high school and yet I didn't keep up with my side of the promise.

"Y/n please don't leave me. Ever." Jungkook

"Of not Kookie. I could never leave you."

"I mean it Y/n. I'd be lost without you." Jungkook

"Lets make a promise then, before we start high school."

"Okay. Fine. Promise you will never leave me and we will always be friends no matter what?" Jungkook

"I promise Kookie. Do you promise too?"

"Of course bunny. You're my forever." Jungkook

"Jungkook let's be serious now. Do you promise?"

"Okay, okay. Yes I promise. Until the day I die you are my everything Y/n." Jungkook

"You're so cheesy."

"Only for you Y/n." Jungkook

That memory with us on my swing is still fresh in my mind. If only I had know that back then the day after we started high school it changed everything. I made more friends and Jungkook distanced himself away from me and eventually we drifted apart to the point where no one really knew we were once close friends.

That was the last time Jungkook and I had any normal hang out. He use to be so cheesy and flirt sometimes but yet such a shy boy with others. It was like we brought out the best in each other and yet I failed to keep my promise to him.

I failed him and I'll never forgive myself.

I stood up from the damp grass and wiped my hands together to rid of the dirt. It was starting to get dark so I thought it would be best to go home. I didn't want to because I felt like I was leaving him behind yet again but I had to go home sooner of later.

Taking one last glance at the grave stone did I sigh sadly to myself praying for just one last time to see him again. That's all I wish for in life but that will never be possible. Once you're gone you're gone and you cant come back. I just hope he's okay where he is now. Maybe he's in peace finally and no longer in pain from his thoughts and feelings that he must of had to push himself to do what he did.

I walked all the way home, not in a total rush.

My dad was home for dinner and since Jungkooks passing my dad took the chance to come home early now. My parents are concerned for my mental wellbeing. They know how much Jungkook meant to me even if we stopped talking. Those feelings don't just go away.

I walked into the house with my head hung low, dropping my bag to the floor by the front door and taking off my shoes and jacket I then proceeded to walk into the living room to find my dad sitting on the couch with his suit still on but his collar open and his tie undone.

He sees me approaching and knows exactly what I'm about to do. I stood in front of him with my head hung low and my dad opens his arms for me to pull into his embrace for a fatherly hug. I didn't cry, I wanted to but I've been crying for the last month I don't think I have that much tears left. I feel almost dead inside and I can't get rid of this feeling.

Is this how Jungkook felt when we no longer spoke?

If so then it's my karma coming back on me for being such a terrible friend.

"Don't worry honey. I'm sure Jungkook is watching over you just now." Dad

I only hummed a response and cuddled into my dad some more for comfort. I don't think Jungkook will want to watch over me when I might as well of been the cause of his death for all I know. I don't know if that's true or his reasons to why but I cant help but think I'm part reason to it all. I have to be.

If I had one more chance in life to make it up to him, then I would never leave him alone again. Never.