Three months have passed since my tumultuous breakdown that brought me back to the surface. In that time, I have found a semblance of peace in this corner of Wakanda. T'Challa has granted Bucky and I asylum here in Wakanda, as he was witness to the events that unraveled in Siberia. We are considered war criminals, and much of that is for things that we had no hand in deciding. Aside from that, I've been moved to a quaint cottage in the countryside, which is a nice change from the facility I had grown to hate. Bucky came to live with me; I wasn't comfortable with being alone, and especially, not without him.

          My days have been filled with therapy sessions with Dr. Mbali, conversations with Shuri–T'Challa's little sister and Wakanda's Head Scientist–and moments of introspection. With Dr. Mbali's guidance, I've come to understand my condition better. Dissociative Identity Disorder, exacerbated by Hydra's conditioning and manipulation tactics. Alongside that diagnosis, post-traumatic stress that still clings with me, a reminder of the horrors I've endured and inflicted on others. Yet, I am still learning to navigate these circumstances to the best of my ability.

Bucky, too, has been working on himself. He is working on a path of recovery, unraveling the conditioning placed upon him as the Winter Soldier. He has his own routine, filled with a mix of physical training, mediation, and conversations with Shuri. Although he hides it well, I know he, too, has his days where he is deep in battle with his mind. It is a journey fraught with pain, confusion, and frustration, but certainly, it's one that we both have to take.

Our new life in Wakanda is a stark difference from the lives we used to live. There is a shared understanding between Bucky and I; an understanding that we are both trying to figure ourselves out in the best ways that we can. We occupy separate rooms within this cottage, a shared space where our friendship is blurred with unspoken emotions. And yet, despite the months that have passed, we haven't addressed the elephant in the room. We orbit around each other like two planets in a hesitant dance.

I've come to appreciate the moments that we share–the stolen glances, our laughter over meals, the walks where we talk about all things except for our unspoken feelings that linger. We've built a strong bond together, one that defies easy definition, but the complexity only grows deeper with our connection.

          As of now, I sit at the wooden desk in our cottage, my journal flipped open before me, and I stare at the words on the pages. The sunset shines through the partly opened curtains, painting the cottage in golden and pink hues. The rhythmic chirping of different species serves as a backdrop for my thoughts. This peaceful solitude is somewhere I can seek refuge, a place where I can confront the fragments of my mind into words.

This journal has become my confidant, bearing witness to my chaotic thoughts, my every memory, and a place where I can say whatever I feel. Each stroke of my pen is a step closer in my self-discovery, a way to navigate the emotions within me. On these pages, I pour my heart out, ask difficult questions, and be unfiltered, just as the rivers that run through Wakanda.

But there's one question that haunts me; one that I don't dare to write down because part of me is too afraid to ask. Something that deep down, the answer to might make or break me. It echoes silently through my mind day in and day out. It's the question of what lies ahead for Bucky and I–if we can move forward to creating something more profound, or if we're both just merely treading on the waters in a pool of our own insecurities.

The sun dips beneath the horizon, casting elongated shadows throughout the cottage. I have spent the day deep in contemplation and stealing glances at Bucky as he moved in and out of our shared space. There was a sense of uneasiness between us, like a dense fog that neither of us wanted to disrupt. As the evening grows on, Bucky seems to grow restless, tapping his fingers on the edges of his book while he reads. He glances at me occasionally, like he wants to say something, but I continue on with my writing, unable to find the words to say to him.

As I glance back over at him, I hear Red's voice echoing through my mind. "Lonnie, the tension between the both of you is killing me," her voice is equipped with sarcasm.

I softly chuckle, putting my head in my hands. Her candidness amazes me, but it doesn't dispel the knot in my stomach. Quietly, I respond, "I know, Red... I don't know how to bring it up."

Her response soothes my nerves. Her presence offers me comfort in this moment. "Avalon, you and I have faced many challenges in our lives. But regardless, don't let fear hold you back from something that can bring you happiness. You deserve it."

I smile into my hands. Her words resonate with me. For someone that I fought so hard to destroy, she knows what I need to hear. Without her, I don't know if I ever would've gotten to this point–or had any idea of what I wanted to do with my life. She gives me the reassurances that I need to hear, and I know that whenever this conversation occurs, I'll be ready.

Speaking with Red has become a habit of mine. One that I'm not ashamed of. Whenever I need guidance or someone who truly knows me to listen, she's always there. Bucky is familiar with this. He's been a witness to these moments, and he understands that it's a way for me to process my thoughts. To his credit, he's never made it seem peculiar, just as it became a routine part of my existence.

I sense him looking at me, and I raise my head from my hands to do the same. He knows there's something on my mind, something that has been whirling around for quite some time now. It's like he can see right through me. He knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. My gaze meets his, and I can see the longing in his eyes, mirrored by the uncertainty of my own. We've been circling this unspoken truth for far too long, and it's about time we discuss it.

Breaking the heavy silence that hangs between us, Bucky's voice gently brings me out of my contemplation. "Princess," he starts, using the nickname that he gave me many years ago. My heart skips a beat. "Could you come sit with me for a moment?" His eyes hold a warmth that beckons to me. Without question, I get up from the wooden chair I've been sitting at and make my way to the couch he's been sitting. It feels like a ravine of emotions divide us, but today, we are making the first steps into filling it.

I move closer to him as I settle onto the couch next to him. For a moment, we sit in silence, the only sound that fills the cottage is the leaves that rustle outside. I fiddle with my hands, my eyes scanning the side of his face. He takes a deep breath, as if he's drawing strength from the room around us.

Finally, he meets my gaze again. "Avalon Jane," he begins, his voice steady but I can tell he's nervous. "There's something I need to say. It's been on my mind these past few months, and I can't keep it to myself any longer."

I listen intently. My heart pounds in my chest, the palms of my hands become sweaty. This is it–the moment we've been avoiding, the one we've been circling, and the one we've been longing for.

"You've single-handedly changed my life," he continues, sincerity seeping from his words. It's happening. "When I met you–the real you–I was trying to sort through my own demons, struggling to find where my place was in a world that moved on without me. I was struggling to be me, without the ties of the Winter Soldier. But you, you were my beacon of light in my personal darkness. You never once judged me for my past, and you accepted me for who I was becoming."

His confession speaks to me, and I notice myself inching closer to him, our knees almost touching. This conversation feels fragile, like a bridge of our shared pasts and uncertain future. And I don't want it to crumble beneath us. Avalon, remember to breathe. This is real.

"I've witnessed you at your best and at your worst," Bucky continues on, "and through it all, I've grown to care about you, more than I thought possible. It was my duty to protect you, and during that, I've become incredibly fond of you. You're strong, brave, compassionate, and most of all, resilient. You've faced an evil that most people couldn't comprehend, and yet, you came out of it with your humanity intact."

As he speaks, a blush takes its form on my cheeks, my heart swelling with a mix of emotions. I've never been one to take such compliments, but coming from him, he makes these sentiments mean something.

He reaches out, grabbing ahold of my hand. It sends a cascading shiver down my spine as I wait for him to continue. "Avalon, I love you. I've loved you for a while now, but I never knew when I should tell you. But now, I can't keep it to myself. I love you for who you are, for everything that you've overcome, and the person you're becoming."

His confession hangs in the air, a detectable force that seems to fill the room. I cannot believe what I'm hearing. After all these years, it is a moment that I never thought would happen. But it did. My heart races in my chest, and I find myself to be at a loss for words. The three words I've threatened to say over and over again a thousand times. This is a turning point for us, and yet, it feels like the missing puzzle piece to our complicated history.

As I grasp his hand, I intertwine our fingers. With this newfound resolve, I move closer to him, his eyes searching mine as he waits for an answer. "Bucky," I whisper, finally finding the words I've dreamed of saying, "I love you. For all the pieces of you, the fragments that you've shared and the ones you've kept hidden. You've been my rock, my anchor, and the only constant in a life filled with chaos."

A tender smile forms on his features as he cups my cheeks in his hands. With his thumb, he wipes away a stray tear that has fallen. In this intimate moment, it feels like the world around us has disappeared and we are the only two people in the universe.

"I love you for the way you've helped me heal, for the man I see you becoming, and for the strength that we find in each other," I continue to say, and my tears start streaming from my eyes. "I've waited a long time for someone like you to walk into my life. And I'd wait a thousand lifetimes if I knew they all led to you, James Buchanan Barnes. I wouldn't have been me if it weren't for you."

We move closer until our foreheads touch, sharing the depths of our exposed feelings and our longing for each other's touch. This is a moment that signifies the beginning of something new, something beautiful–together. It ignites a fire that has been smoldering beneath the surface for a lifetime. Our eyes lock and we close the gap between us.

With a soft, but almost hesitant movement, our lips meet and the room fades into insignificance. A rush of memories fill my mind, transporting me back to that fateful moment in Bucharest, where our feelings truly began. I can feel the frigid air, the taste of winter on our lips, and hear the echoes of our sarcastic conversations.

But what's fascinating the most is that the spark, the fire that ignited between us during that time, still burns just as fiercely. It is a demonstration of the strength of our connection, a love that survived our chaos, and came out unscathed. At this moment, I know that this is where I'm supposed to be–in Bucky's arms, in his heart, and in his life. Our past and present merge, and I know that our love knows no bounds. It's timeless and unbreakable. 

As our lips part, there is a quiet intimacy as our foreheads are still pressed together. The flicker of the candlelight casts shadows on the wall of our cottage, creating a serene atmosphere around us. Bucky's finger lightly traces a path along my jawline, igniting tiny sparks of sensation. His eyes, softer than I've ever seen them, holds a vulnerability that matches my own. It's like we've unlocked a chamber in ourselves that we never knew existed, exposing our true emotions and intentions.

"You know," he begins, his voice carrying a soft tenderness to them, "I never thought I'd hear those words from you."

I can't help but smile, the corners of my lips curving upwards. Aren't you happy I said something? "Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to find the courage. And a little bit of motivation." I know Red is thrilled to know I appreciate her encouragement.

He brushes a piece of my hair back that has fallen in front of my face. "I've been waiting a lifetime for you, Princess."

My heart swells with happiness and relief. His gaze matches the intensity of my own. "I'm here now, Bucky, and I'm not going anywhere."

He leans in, his lips brushing against mine in a sweet, lingering kiss. Our mouths move together with a familiarity that speaks of years of stolen moments and longing. It's like we're rewriting our history, creating a new narrative, and that spark is as defined as it ever has been.

"Good," he murmurs against my lips, gaining a profound sense of confidence. "Because I love you."

Our arms encircle one another, drawing us into a warm, heartfelt embrace. We have found peace and happiness within each other. It's like we're holding onto the years we spent apart, making up for the time that we lost together. Our bodies pressed against each other, a perfect fit, and a sense of wholeness washes over us. Nothing matters but this moment; leaving us locked in a timeless embrace. Our connection is electric, like two souls reuniting after decades apart. This moment says more than any words could fathom; it's a promise, a unification, and a declaration of love rolled into one. 

a/n : bavalon is FINNNNALLLLYYYY together!!! you're freaking WELCOME! I have been waiting for this moment for SEVEN FREAKING YEARS now. and now, I must say, i am very proud to see how far my children have come. they deserve all the love and happiness in the world and I intend on giving that to them. furthermore, it is onto infinity war :))))) -k