Ever since Bucky gave me the letter, Avalon's presence within me is like a caged animal, restless and persistent. She has always been a thorn in my side, the voice of doubt, the one who questions every action. But now, with that letter being a catalyst, she has been more present than ever, and I can't seem to shake her. I can feel her every emotion, every thought, and as much as I try to block it out with my own, she's still lingering.

The air feels heavy, like the weight of our tension is seeping into the atmosphere. I feel trapped within my own mind and it's already been occupied with someone I've wanted to get rid of. Someone that thinks they know best. Someone that has been a pain in the ass to deal with. She lurks at the corners of my consciousness, awaiting her moment to regain her control, but my defenses are too strong for her. I resist her pulls, unwilling to engage with what she wants to say. But she persists, she is a force that wants to be acknowledged.

"I don't know why you're bothering me," I say out loud, to the girl who cannot be seen. Being in the same room I've been in makes me agitated. It's driving me insane. "You think that I'm going to have a change of heart? To give into your damn redemption arc?"

Avalon emerges, her presence is warm, contrasting with the coldness in my heart."Red, you can't keep running from our past," she counters me, her voice laced with a quiet determination that irritates my nerves. "We need to face it head on, to heal."

I scoff, my laughter devoid of all humor. "Heal? Really, Avalon? You think that's what going to fix this?" I ball my fists, fingernails piercing into my skin as I pace the room. "We are a killer. What more do you need to understand?"

"I don't believe that. I can't possibly believe that, Red." I can imagine Avalon shaking her head, not believing anything that I have to say. But I'm the one who knows the world we live in. But she doesn't stop her counterarugment there. "There has to be a way forward, a way to make amends."

I try to block her out, to get her words to stop coursing through my mind. But they never do. Nothing I do can silence her. She like a pest, annoying me in all the worst ways. She's the part of me that has hope. That wants to be the best person that she can. But I want nothing more than to cause mayhem. I want to be in complete control. I want to get rid of her.

"You're naïve," I say, my voice raising an octave. My words are lethal, and I'm not holding back. "You always have been. You see the best in people that are the worst for you. The world doesn't forgive people like us."

Her presence starts to waver, but she keeps her foot in the door. "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try. We owe it to ourselves, to the people we hurt."

If she only knew why I was created. My blood begins to boil, my rage slowly consuming my soul, taking its course through my body. Everything I've ever done is her wrongdoing. I stop my pacing, my attention focused on the reflection of myself in the mirror. I can see the battle raging on, I can see her face wherever I am, but I am determined to win. I always have to win against her.

"You think you're so righteous, huh?" My true colors show. I yell at her, freezing her in my thoughts. But I know it's not only her I'm condemning, it's myself included. "You're a damn fool, Avalon. You're the reason we're in this mess! Your curiosity is what created me!"

She persists, never resigning from this battle. She is the flicker of determination in the maelstrom of my rage. "I won't give up on you, Red. No matter how hard you fight. I will get through to you."

In the midst of our battle, I catch a glimpse of the therapist, Dr. Mbali, standing in the doorway, his expression is etched with curiosity, and most apparent, concern. To my surprise, Bucky and Steve are there too, worry written on their faces as they watch the war raging on. I know I must look insane–mentally unstable, if you will–arguing with a reflection of myself, showing them the destruction that's tearing me apart.

But I can't stop myself. I can't let Avalon win. Not when I spent my entire lifetime building these walls of vexation and bitterness. I can't let her tear them down. For the first time, I let my resentment get the best of me, to take control and speak my mind.

"You're the one who needs him, Avalon, not me," I growl, my voice laced with contempt. I have no reason to hold back now. "He's weak, just like you."

Her voice wavers. I know I struck a chord with her. I know that she's hurt by my words. "Red, please..." She begs me to stop. I can feel her presence flinching at my harsh words.

Avalon pulls back, disappearing into the shadows. I stand here, my breaths heaving, realizing the gravity of what just transpired. How I felt inside has spilled all over the linoleum floor, and they were witnesses to it. It is like I have ripped open old wounds, exposing the festering pain that I buried so far beneath the surface.

Bucky's reaction is almost immediate. His demeanor changes, his metal fist clenches at his side. I can see the anger in his eyes. It was a low blow; it is my own attempt to cause a wedge between Bucky and Avalon. Their relationship--whatever it is that they have--means nothing to me, and I don't care if I destroy the only thing she has going for her. My anger knows no bounds, and I will use anything at my disposal to keep her in check.

"Red," Dr. Mbali's voice cuts through the chaos. He is the anchor pulling me back from the brick of my internal destruction. "I think it's time for our session. In private." I nod, understanding the complexity of the situation. My anger still smoldering beneath the surface, but I am willing to comply with his orders.

He ushered me out of the room, but I can't help but steal a glance at the Steve and Bucky. Their expressions are filled with concern and understanding, as if they have caught a glimpse of a side of me that they hadn't fully comprehended. I turn away from their watchful eye and walk with Dr. Mbali down the spiral staircase that leads to his office.

We get into his office, and I take my seat in the familiar sunset orange colored chair in the corner. Pulling my legs to my chest, I rest my chin on my knees. I can feel the weight of  his gaze on me, and I know he understands the complexity of the situation, more than I'd like to admit. Even when I struggle to make sense of it myself, I know that someway, somehow, I have to fight this battle with a little bit of guidance. This room feels like a sanctuary; a place where I can confront the storm within in.

"So, Red," Dr. Mbali begins, pen in hand as he looks at me. "What just transpired back there? Can you help me understand your mind?"

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, still reeling from the emotional turmoil of the exchange. "It's..it's an internal struggle," I explain, my words feel heavy. "There are two parts of me. Two identities, battling for control."

He leans forward, making his intentions clear; he wants to help, to understand, and most importantly, fix it. "One of them is you, Red. But who is the other? Can you tell me about her?"

I know refusing to cooperate will only make things difficult, so I oblige. Since he has already heard her name, I have to talk about it. "Avalon," I say, her name feels foreign on my tongue. I don't like talking about her. "That's the other part. She's..different. Idealistic. She's the one that wants to heal, to make amends with the mayhem I've caused. But I don't want her to control me. I don't want her to take us down that path."

He quickly jots down something on his notepad, his scribbling adds rhythm to our conversation. He looks at me, not with judgment but as a keen observer of my emotions and reactions. He gestures me to continue, silently encouraging me to give intel on who Avalon actually is to me.

"She's who I used to be," I admit, knowing that she's listening to my every word. "Avalon is the one who wants to remember, to confront our past, our demons. She's the one who believes that there's a chance for redemption. But she's wrong. We're beyond that point. And I can't let her drag me back under."

But something in me just feels the need to scream. The thoughts in my head are overwhelming, piling up like old books, weighing down on me, My entire existence is a mystery, one that has yet to be explained. But I'm angry. Angry that this is happening to me. Angry that as soon as things go according to plan, I'm trapped again. I'm trapped by people who think they know what's best for me–and Avalon is here for it. She wants them to see that she's still here, breathing, just trapped inside a box.

I look towards the window, the sun shining through the blinds. I glance back at the doctor, he's patience with me, knowing I have more to say. "I'm so damn angry, Doc. It feels like everything has been ripped away from me, every piece of myself that I've ever known. I thought I knew myself–who I was–but now...now I don't even recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. I'm lost in a sea of vague memories that don't belong to me, I feel emotions that aren't mine, and it's suffocating me. The assassin in me is slipping, and I don't know who I am without it."

Our eyes meet again, a tempest of doubt brewing within me. I am acutely aware of what I want to say, but it goes against my core beliefs. They stand in defiance of my conditioning, my training, all of it. But I know that this is the rational thing to do. It's what best for me in this situation because I am on a path of self destruction. My head is in complete chaos, and I need to find a way to fix it, to fix me.

"All this time, I thought I was the one in control," I grip the arms of the chair, as if they were to protect me from my own words. Don't you hate it when I'm right, Red? I tune her out by speaking my own truth. "I thought I was the one making the calls. Turns out, I really was a pawn in someone else's game. Everything's a blur now, of manipulation and lies that have been fed to me for decades. I want to be free of these chains that bound me, but even I don't know where to start."

Dr. Mbali's voice cuts through the air after I admit the god-honest truth. He clears his throat, crossing his right leg over the other. "Red," he begins in a measured tone. "You've been grappling two identities for far too long. It's clear to me that you and Avalon both serve a purpose, and it's equally apparent that the both of you are holding each other back. You say you want to be free, but what if I told you that embracing Red and Avalon, finding a way for the both of you to coexist, could be the key to unlocking your true potential and breaking free of those chains?"

I search his eyes, trying to find any sign of deception or manipulation. But I can see his sincerity. He has a genuine desire to help me through the labyrinth that is my mind. The weight of his words sinks into my skull. When I put the pieces together, I then realize that he might be onto something. Something I've been blinded to for so long.

The thought of coexisting with Avalon, allowing us to both hold some form of control, is terrifying. Coexisiting means having to face our past, to dive deep into our complex emotions, and confronting the darkness that has consumed my heart decades. It means acknowledging the guilt, the pain I've caused, and the facing them head on, no matter what it takes. As I sit here, torn between the Red Ghost, the one who I've become, and Avalon, the girl I used to be, I can't help but wonder if there's any truth to his words.

Maybe, just maybe, finding a way my two identities to exist alongside each other, is the key to my redemption. Or maybe, it's the key to my destruction. Be that as it may, the idea is both terrifying and tantalizing, and as I dwell on it, I know that the worst is to come. Yet, as I sit in this room, a seed of doubt has been planted, and I can't help but think if there's more to my fractured identity than I ever allowed myself to see.

a/n: I know you're not ready for what's about to happen. I don't think I've mentally prepared myself for the next chapter... ENJOY!!!! let me know what you think :) -k