In the confines of my room, the walls feel like they're suffocating me. I sit on the edge of my bed, not a singular thought swirling in my head as I stare at the white wall ahead. Everything looks the same, every singular detail of this room is the same as it was when I first got here. The weight of captivity presses on me, a relentless force that has become my normal reality. The continuous cycle of confinement, questioning, and solitude have become a monotonous routine that gnaws at the edges of my sanity.

This room is a prison, and I, its unwilling captive. Again, I find myself tracing the familiar details of the blanket beneath me, a futile attempt to escape the heavy silence that lingers in the room. A sigh escapes my lips, heavy with my own resignation. I am tired–tired of being trapped in an endless cycle, tired of the memories that cling to the edges of my consciousness, and tired of the battle of two identities within myself. It's a constant battle that exhausts me. It has left me feeling drained, a hollow shell of whoever the hell I'm supposed to be.

          The door creaks open, breaking the silence that had settled in the room. He's here. My head snaps up, my eye locking onto the figure that stands in the doorway. Bucky stands there, gaze unwavering and steady. His presence commands attention, even if I'm suffocating in this isolation.

He steps into the room, the door softly clicking as it shuts behind him. The distance between us feels like an entire ocean, but his presence is the bridge that meets with me. "Hey," he says, his voice gentle and soothing. Him being here feels like a promise of understanding.

I don't reply, my empty gaze focusing on my hands. Part of me resented him for the intrusion, for the disturbance in my isolation. But another part–the part that longs for connection and understanding–yearns for his very presence. My mind is playing tug of war, and I don't know what side I'm fighting for.

Bucky approaches me slowly, every footstep calculated as he takes a seat beside me. His posture is relaxed yet attuned to my every move. He doesn't sit too close to make me uncomfortable, but he's close enough to make me feel safe. "You okay?"

I hesitate, torn between the instinct of lashing out and wanting to be vulnerable with him. The words hover over the tip of my tongue, the weight of my own words threatening to pour from my mouth.

"I'm tired," I confess, my words barely more than a whisper. My exhaustion runs deeper than my body but in my soul. A crack in my armor showing my rare moments of vulnerability.

          His gaze meets mine, his expression a mixture of empathy and uncertainty. It's like for a brief moment, he saw beyond the carefully constructed facade that I've created. As if he saw the person he's been looking for–the one buried beneath the layers of pain and manipulation that Hydra inflicted. There was a shared understanding between us, a recognition of the battles we both fought—internally and externally.

"I know," he says, pulling a white envelope out of his jacket pocket. As he hands the letter to me, I feel a sense of apprehension. "I thought this might help. You can open it."

Hesitantly, I take the letter, my hands trembling against the weathered paper. It's delicate, a little worn around the edges. It's like its been carried through time and space itself. Scribed on the front of it is a name, in the most beautiful cursive I've ever seen. It's familiar, almost like a distant star trying to find its way back to me. My heart pounds in my chest, the anticipation of the articles in the letter consumes me.

I look at Bucky for support, not knowing how this will affect me. His blue eyes hold mine, giving a nod of approval as I slowly break the envelope's seal. Its never been opened. It's been existing in this world without being seen. And here I am, bringing it back to life. With a deep breath, I unfold the letter, it crackling softly in my grip. My eyes trace the paper, the familiar handwriting fills the page. The words seem to dance before me, a connection to something that I cannot understand.

"Avalon Jane, if these words reach you, it means you're safe. I take solace in that, knowing that you're still out there, somewhere beyond my reach. It's painful to imagine a world without you, a world where your light was extinguished too soon. Yet, in the depths of my heart, I refuse to accept that. You possess a strength and resilience that defies the odds, a strength I know you draw upon in times of adversity."

My breathing hitches, the words on the page carry a weight that I didn't anticipate. The long-forgotten part of myself is stirring within, awakening from her deep slumber. I continue reading, each sentence pulling more emotions and memories forward.

"Your father's behavior has been erratic since the incident, and my intuition tells me he had a hand in it. My suspicions, however strong they may be, remain unproven. The years have stretched on, and the chasm of time between us feels like an eternity. Wherever you are, I hope you're finding moments of happiness, of safety, and if not, I pray you're mustering the courage to escape those that have enveloped you."

Tears threaten to spill, a strange mix of emotions growing inside of me. This letter is a lifeline to a past I can't remember, to a mother who never stopped loving me. Her words have found their way back into my soul, healing parts of me I could never heal myself. They are a reminder of the love that once surrounded me and the hope that I lost years ago.

"In the quiet of my thoughts, your memory is a lifeline that keeps me anchored. You, my beloved, are the reason I continue to breathe, to hope, to live. The love I hold for you is boundless, an unbreakable connection forged the day we met. The bond between a mother and her daughter is a fierce one, and my heart knew no greater joy than when you entered my life. The whispers of your laughter, the spark of your wit—those are the pieces of you that I hold dear."

As I read those words, a warm feeling spreads through me, embracing me with open arms. For the first time, I feel a sense of belonging and love that was stripped away from me at the hands of Hydra. Feelings that have been cut off and stripped from my very being. I grip the paper tighter, as if to not make it disappear.

"Your absence has left a void that not even time can heal. Your brothers ache for your return, and Blake is a mere shadow of himself without your vibrant spirit. Your essence brought us together as a family, and now, we are left to grieve the absence of you. The space you left behind is a constant reminder of the void in our lives."

Before I can stop it, a sob escapes my lips. Although frightening, I am relieved to feel a surge of emotions. The tears flow freely down my cheeks. By his instinct, Bucky puts his hand on my back, trying to soothe the overwhelming emotions that I'm feeling. It's like a door has been opened and everything I suppressed is coming to the surface. My mother's words have reached me, through the trenches of Red's control, breaking down the walls that she has built. Avalon's presence consumes me, and I allow her to come forward, to come back to me.

"If by some miracle this letter finds you sooner than later, I implore you to come home. Your presence is more valuable than any pretense your father clings to. Your well-being, your happiness—it trumps his wishes. I am resolute in the knowledge that his actions led to your disappearance, and my forgiveness for him will forever remain out of reach. You, my dear Avalon, will always find a haven here. The echoes of your laughter linger in the corners of our home, a reminder of what we lost."

I hold the letter to my chest, my heart aching with grief, longing and love. For a long time, I've been told that feeling these emotions is not warranted; that they make me weak, dazed, and unable to do that task at hand. Now, I realize that this is what it means to be human. To feel. To love. All of it.

"Know this, my love: we yearn for you, we love you, and we miss you with an intensity that knows no bounds. My heart aches for your return, and I am committed to spending the rest of my life searching for you, if that is what it takes."

I look up at Bucky, tears clouding my vision. My heart is clearer than it ever has been. "Bucky," I say, his name carries the weight of my emotions. "She knew me. My mother... she knew me as Avalon."

          Avalon. The name lingers on my lips, a whisper of a life I once knew. It's a name that holds both familiarity and mystery, a connection to a past that's been cloaked in darkness. As I allow the words to sink in, something shifts within me. Avalon is a part of myself that I've lost, a fragment of my identity that has been buried beneath the layers of control. And as those memories and emotions resurface, as the walls I've built around myself start to crumble, I feel a sense of vulnerability that I've long suppressed.

His eyes glisten with understanding, he shifts closer to me. "Avalon," he says softly. The way he says my name feels like it's unlocking a door within my mind. "It's part of who you are. Your mother's letter is a link to your past. Don't be afraid of it. Embrace it."

As he speaks those words, a strange sensation washes over me. It feels like a door in my mind is creaking open, and for a moment, I'm not the Red Ghost: I'm Avalon. The room around me feels different–it's brighter, filled with warmth and color. I don't feel suffocated anymore; I feel like I've been saved from the monster that lives within me. The weight of my past no longer feels heavy on my shoulders.

Tears still freely flow from my eyes, but they're not of sorrow alone. They're tears of recognition, of reconnection. "Bucky," I say, my voice trembling as I look at the man that I remember searching the world for. "I remember you. I remember our moment in Bucharest."

          As the words flow from my lips, a wave of memories crash over me. I feel myself being transported back to that day in Romania, the day where Hydra found me. I can feel the warmth of Bucky's embrace, the taste of his kiss, and the spark that flared between us. The months of yearning for him, the confusion of my own feelings, our irrevocable connection, it has always led me back to Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes.

Bucky's eyes widen in astonishment, and for a moment, the room around us seems to blur. It's just him and I, two souls that have been brought back together.

"You remember?" he asks, his eyes searching mine.

I nod, tears still streaming down my face. My emotions consume me, and at this moment, all I want to be is close to him. Without hesitation, I wrap my arms tightly around him. I hold onto him for dear life, in fear of being pulled back under. "Yes. I could never forget that. About you."

His arms engulf me with a tenderness that I have long forgotten. It's something that transcends words themselves. It's a powerful, silent connection that speaks volumes. In this moment, we are not the Red Ghost and the Winter Soldier; we are two lost souls that found each other again. The room around us might as well not exist, but the hell do I care? The only thing that matters is his presence, the rekindling of our connection, and the steady sound of his heart beat.

"Avalon?" he questions, hoping that this moment is real and not a figment of his imagination. I let go of his embrace, looking up at him.

"Yes," I reply, my voice growing stronger. "Avalon. I thought I was lost, buried deep beneath Red's conditioning, but I'm here."

He smiles, a smile that holds all the warmth and tenderness of the man I knew. He wipes my tears away with his thumb. "I've missed you."

The room seems to brighten as our connection grows stronger. For a brief, beautiful moment, I am not the Red Ghost; I'm Avalon Jane Rawlins, a daughter, a sister, a friend. The reign of my existence is a complex one, but for right now, I'm willing to take the steps of understanding my newfound clarity and how to keep the assassin at bay.

But even as I revel in this reunion with my true identity, I still feel Red's grip on my mind, slowly crawling her way back. She lurks in the shadows, waiting for her chance to take over. She is the ring leader, but I want no part in her acts of destruction. Red's hold on me is powerful, a force that refuses to relinquish her grip on my mind, body and soul.

          As I bask in this moment of clarity, I grab Bucky's hand, intertwining our fingers. The intensity of the moment is almost overwhelming, but it's the first time I've been able to feel something other than anger or numbness. I've been trapped within my own mind, trying to crawl my way out, to prove that I'm still here, but she is relentless. Because of Bucky, there is a glimmer of hope, a spark of humanity, and a way out of the desolate darkness of my own mind.

But as quickly as this clarity arised, it starts to slip away from me. The vivid memories of the time in Vienna, replaced once more by the chaos and destruction done by the Red Ghost. The harsh reality of the assassin starts to set in, pulling Avalon back into the void. The warmth in my heart turns to ice, and I can feel Red start to take over.

"No!" I cry out, clutching my head as if it could physically keep my memories. But it's futile. Red's darkness engulfs me, consuming my mind. I can feel her anger and frustration overpowering the fragile connection of Avalon. "Red, stop it! I don't want to go!"

I scream out, tears profusely streaming down my face as I try to stop her from entering my mind. I panic, but I know it's too late. I know I can't hold her back, that she's stronger than me, but I will not go down without a fight. Give it up, Avalon. You are not in control anymore. Pine made sure of that.

Bucky reaches out to me, desperation in his eyes. "Hold on, Avalon. Don't let her win!" But he's too late.

          They're always too late. The moments of clarity, warmth, and reconnection slip through my fingers. Red's cold, calculating presence takes over. I remove my hand from his, as if it were contaminated by my own vulnerability. I can feel her, the Red Ghost, taking over, seizing her control on my mind once more. She is like a relenting storm sweeping away any hint of Avalon, sending her in the depths of darkness.

I blink, my eyes narrowing, losing the warmth they had mere moments before. Bucky's expression shifts, a combination of disappointment and understanding taking their place. He has been a witness to the battle of Red and Avalon firsthand. He has seen the battle of dominance within me. But he has seen the hope that yields within me.

I've retreated back into the familiar combines of my Red persona. I clench my jaw, anger courses through my veins as I stare at the man who ruined things. "This doesn't change anything," I seeth. My frustration is my defense mechanism, a shield that protects myself from the tumultuous emotions that Avalon's appearance stirred inside me. "You shouldn't have awakened her."

"It changes more than you realize," he counters me. His voice is still soft, nothing changes the way he speaks to me. I'm irritated.

I grit my teeth, suppressing my conflicting emotions. "You don't understand, okay? You never will," I retort, my words are sharp, and I start to put the walls in my mind back up.

He shifts, angling himself towards me. "Maybe not everything. But I know more than you think I do," he replies, his words hold more truth to them than I had expected.

A surge of anger courses through me, a direct reaction to the turbulent emotions that Avalon created. I turn towards him fully, my eyes locking onto his, a challenge in my stare. "You want Avalon back," I state, her name leaving a bad taste in my mouth. "But I won't allow her to surface again. She's weak and she doesn't get to control me. I do."

Bucky's expression remains steady, his current stance on the situation is unwavering. "She's not weak, Red. She's a part of you, a part that existed before you."

I roll my eyes, a bitter laugh escapes my lips. "She's a liability. Vulnerability will get you killed in this world. I won't let that happen to me."

His eyes soften, his words resonate in a way that makes me uncomfortable. "Avalon isn't a liability. She's the part of you that's human. The one who can feel, who can love, and has hope."

His words strike a chord in me. A chord that resonates with the longing I've been long denied. But my grip is stronger, Avalon's vulnerability will get us killed.

"I don't need any of that to survive," I snap in frustration. "I've done well for myself without it."

He runs his hand through his hair before looking back at me. "Surviving isn't good enough, Red. You deserve to live, to be more than someone else's weapon."

I clench my fists, my motions churning within me. I can feel the battle of Red and Avalon raging within me; it's a storm that threatens to consume me entirely. Even as I stand on the brick of complete desolation, even as Avalon's memories pull at me, I remain resolute. Red is a part of me, one that I cannot ignore. A part that can't be discarded. And as much as Bucky's words pull at the chords in my mind, I struggle to find the balance between two completely different personas.

"Bucky," I say, giving him a warning. "Don't make the mistake of underestimating me. I won't allow Avalon's weaknesses to dictate my fate."

He sighs, sounding defeated, but I know that this battle is just beginning. "I am not underestimating you, Red. I know you're strong, I know you're capable of dangerous things. But you're more than a weapon, and I hope one day you'll realize that."

His words hang in the air around us, a silent plea for understanding, for an acceptance. But I am not ready to face it–Red knows best, she knows what we can handle. I am not ready to let go of the persona that has kept me alive longer than I should have been.

          With a final, defiant look, I turn away from him. The barriers in my mind are up, and I hope that they stay in tack this time. The war between Red and Avalon rages on, a struggle between survival and vulnerability. And as I retreat into the depths of my mind, I'm left to grapple with the complexities of who I am, the choices I had to make, and the path forward.

But I hope one day, I'll be able to control it.

a/n - another successful masterpiece. AND IT'S BAVALON! i was waaaaay too excited for this one. and for the many more that'll come. hope you enjoy :) - k