Before I can run off to Europe, in hopes of finding the former assassin, I have to make a detour. After weeks and weeks of keeping in all of the things I want to scream out loud and how I really feel on the inside, I've decided that it would be best to talk to the one person who I can trust the most: Clint Barton. Though I know he wanted to be out of this mess, he's the only one left for me.

After stealing a car that resembled a jelly bean, I somehow knew how to find Clint's secluded farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. The last time I was here, I had just turned from Red and Avalon in the matter of seconds and I had no clue where I was. But what I do remember from that day is each ruthless act of murder I committed. And to be quite honest, I still don't know any other feeling just like it.

Ringing the doorbell, I patiently wait for someone to answer the door. I don't know if it's just me, but it seemed like time slows down before eventually, the door flies over, revealing none other than Clint Barton. It takes him a second to register who is standing outside the door before he recognizes that it's me. Avalon Jane Rawlins, the scientist whose alter ego is an assassin created by Hydra. But that's nothing new. Confusion crosses over his face as he looks at me. I didn't call to tell him I was coming. Hell, I didn't tell anyone--besides Nat already knowing what I was planning on doing--where I was going and how long I'd be gone for.

"Avalon, what brings you here?" Clint asks, curiously.

I run my fingers through my curly brown hair that kept blowing in my face as the wind blows.

"I'm going to Romania," I say, cautiously, feeling like there's someone else around. "And I need some advice before I go off on my own."

He smiles, gesturing me to come inside. "Well, you've come to the right place, kid."

***

"Something's on your mind," Clint says, sitting on the other side of the couch, where I sit turned facing the window. "You have that look on your face."

A sigh escapes my lips. "It's...who I used to be. All the memories come in waves and today, it's really bad."

"I'm all ears"

         I contemplate whether I should spill how I really feel about everything. I mean, I came here exactly for that reason, but now that I'm here, in Clint's home, I feel vulnerable and weak. Like everything I say will only make him look at me differently, but at the same time, I need to do this. Not only for me, but for the person I used to be because no one knows the scared, young girl that used to me Dr. Avalon Jane Rawlins.

"Before the assassin came to be, there was a girl. Her name was Miss. Avalon Jane Rawlins, an up and coming prodigy in the Science Field," and after over seventy years, I'm finally telling the story of the girl behind the mask. My breathing hitches as I feel myself turn more into the weak, fragile young girl who didn't know what to do.

Clint places his hand on my shoulder. "Take your time. We have all the time in the world," he says to me, reassuringly.

"As everyone knows, I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Anything I wanted, I received because that's how my parents treated my brothers and I. From the start, I knew I was different, but I didn't question it. But there's a catch to all of this. My father wanted me to the perfect daughter. The perfect attitude. Perfect hair. Perfect teeth. Perfect mentality. Perfect everything. But when that didn't happen, well, there were consequences to be faced," my fingernails embed themselves into my palms, feeling myself becoming infuriated. "Whenever my father became upset, he'd take it out on me. He's beat me to no end and this went on for years, but nobody did anything about it. After years of this, my emotions began to harden and it was routine. I wasn't afraid anymore really. When I graduated from Boston University and was the Head Forensic Scientist for his company, I was hesitant. A few times, his anger got so bad that he slapped me in front of his employees. I just stood there, not phased by it because I thought it was normal. The night Hydra came for me, I finally fought back because I was tired of being afraid and I had to do something. My father, being the disgusting monster he was, was trying to prepare for the pain and torture I would endure. That's why I didn't fight back when my procedure began. That's why I was their favorite. I wanted it to happen. I wanted to become the assassin. I'm suppressing my emotions because I still want to be the assassin, but I have to stay the person I've become at the same time."

The room is relatively quiet after I finish speaking. All that can be heard is the hum of the thousands of insects that are just outside. They sing a lullaby to those trying to sleep as the night grows darker, but some, are the creatures of the night, waiting for their prey to lurk within the shadows. It's odd, isn't it? Different species of animals live amongst each other, whether they coexist or they hide from their enemy, we all manage to survive somehow.

"Avalon?" Clint says, luring me out of my thoughts as my eyes me his. "You fought against all odds to become the person you are today. Your past does not describe the type of person you are. You may be the brainwashed assassin Hydra created you to be, but your heart is pure."

"Thank you, Clint, I really needed that," I say, with a small smile. My heart is still heavy, only wanting to know one thing.

He hugs me and I tense up, briefly, still not used to the gesture.

"Don't worry. Soon you'll be reunited with him," Clint says, simply, taking me by surprise.

In a quick movement, I get out of his embrace and look at him, quizzically, as my eyebrow furrow together. "What?"

A small laugh escapes him, his smile radiating the light of a morning sun. "Lonnie, Lila told me and I'm glad she did."

"Why?"

I feel myself being consumed with embarrassment. I didn't think she'd remember the conversation, let alone tell her father about this. I would've, in a million years, never told anyone about this predicament that I found myself to be in.

"Because you're in love and that doesn't happen everyday," his words are light and to be honest, just hearing the words out loud, makes me feel some kind of way.

My body begins to tremble beneath me. " I can't. I don't get to have that," the sentence sounds bitter on my tongue, reminding me of gasoline.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Villains don't get happy endings. Especially not from what I heard," I shrug my shoulders in response.

He sighs, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair. "You deserve it, though! You've suffered the most... out of all of us."

I don't know how to respond because in my mind, I know that's not true because there are people out there that have suffered a worse pain than I. They've lost more than the pain I've endured my entire life. I, continuously, manage to put other people's lives before my own, even if the worst part of myself is the only part contradicting every good deed that I've done. It feels like the world is against me. Everything good thing that I do, it doesn't matter because if something triggers the beast that lives within me, I turn into the monster--the notorious assassin--that the world now knows me to be.

"I... I know he's still out there. I can always feel him, even when he's ten thousand miles away. But recently, the connection has gone silent and I'm afraid that I lost him."

a/n - hey friends! just posting because i'm sad over infinity war ))': I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! - Kenzie