*Avalon's POV*

I've come to the conclusion that my life is just a whirlwind of disappointments. Forgetting who I used to be is the first thing that comes to mind; it only makes me think of the things I'll never be able to remember and the all the things that I continue to forget. There are certain things that I know have been taken from me, that I can assume, but that doesn't change the fact that everything I know now, will also be taken from me.

After all this time. After the mission to find out the person I once was. There is no happy ending for me, that is the devastating truth. My father gave me this fate. This horrific fate that has only caused destruction and misery. But at the same time, I blame myself for reading into world problems and unsolved murders and assassinations. After all, that's what I ended up pursuing in my past life.

But I can't allow myself to wallow in my failure. Acceptance is the key to this situation because I find there is no point of fighting the inevitable. There never has been and I fear that I won't ever find one. Even if fighting was an option, my body is weak and I can't seem to feel real. I'm trapped between two identities and there's no one inside to listen. Every emotion is turned off and locked within a box; I'm just a vessel to someone else's mind. I can't do anything.

The echo of quick footsteps is heard from out in the hallway and I close my eyes as tight as I can, hoping that it's just a figment of my imagination. But as a part of me wants to cry, even though I physically can't, I feel the anger rise up inside me. It bubbles through my veins and I feel like I'm going to explode. As I sit, strapped into a chair, with an IV an in forearm, I attempt to break free from the bands that restrain me. Give in and you won't have to be tied to a chair. I ignore the voice in my head. There's no point in listening.

My wrists begin to bleed from my attempt to get out of the restraints. I watch as the blood trails down the palm of my hands and down to my fingertips, and I smile, slightly, having it remind myself that I'm still human. I'm still alive and I sure as hell am not going anywhere. I'm not that easy to kill. My eyes dart to the door in front of me as I hear the door knob turn. The click of it unlatching is followed by the moans of the creaking door and a gust of cold air.

Goodbye, Avalon Jane. Your life's mission is complete.

And that moment would soon become the last time I ever heard that name in very long time.

"Restraints bothering you, huh?" Xavier Pine says as he steps into the light. "You won't be in them for much longer. I have additional plans for you than keeping you restrained."

I stay silent, my eyes bore into his, planning all the ways I could kill him if the restraints snapped. I dig my nails into the wooden armrests, the wood slowly starting to peel beneath my fingertips.

He walks closer to me. Almost too close for comfort, but far enough away that he isn't in an arms reach. His eyes scan my current state, in awe of the person I am, but not only that, the one I would transform into, one more time. I'm an empty vessel. There is no warmth within me. The hatred grows sweet on my tongue, consuming my mind and soul. There is no turning back from it. There is no redos or setbacks. She is all I am. She is all I ever had. She is what I'll be.

"Is it time?" my voice cracks, and it's like the girl I was is struggling to stay with me. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to fight my way out of this, but there is no way. I feel nothing. I feel like I'm already forgetting when I'm panicking.

He shakes his, "Not yet. I want to ask you something. I've been curious about your memory."

I look at him, confusion taking its place across my face. "What do you want to know about it? I'd be quick about it because I'm not going to have it later," I ask, the words sour on my tongue.

"Do you think you've remembered every aspect of your life, Avalon Jane Rawlins?" he asks, purposefully using my name, to get a reaction. My hands ball up into fists and I clench my jaw.

Breathe. None of this will matter soon. No need to work yourself up.

"No, I don't," the words escape me, with complete honesty, and I mentally scream at myself for being so. "There are parts that don't make sense, parts that have no meaning to me, and others that are just black. Even things I remember, they simply just don't seem real."

Avalon was weak. She wasn't me. She wasn't anything. She never could live up to her father's expectations. She was fragile. She never knew anything but the world in which she was given. Her time is done.

"You don't remember him, do you?" for a brief moment, a sympathetic look takes form on his features as he speaks.

I shake my head, not exactly sure who he's talking about, "Who?"

He goes silent. A newfound coldness greets me as I know that the time is running out. And I'm sitting here, wasting it, talking of my memory. He wipes the sweat from his forehand with the sleeve of his lab coat, before returning his focus back to me. I long for his answer. I don't know what I should've known.

"I heard that Hydra wanted to completely strip you of everything you ever were. They knew that your memories could come back, but I only heard that they tried to make certain things never come back to you," he rambles on, leaving me impatient as to what it would've been.

I tug at the restraints, again.

Pine makes eye contact as he kneels down in front of me. He looks for something, but I don't know what. He's not going to tell you. Don't worry about it. You're not going to remember.

"Blake Fitzgerald, do you remember him?" he says, suddenly, with such intensity.

Blake Fitzgerald. The name has a nice ring to it, but it means nothing to me. It's just another name to the list of things and people I won't ever remember. But I keep thinking, hoping that my brain will finally recognize the person with the given name.

My gaze moves to my feet, shifting them awkwardly, "I've never heard of anyone by the name. Should I?"

"You would've been happy, but I apologize for what your life has become," Pine states, as he begins to undo the restraints.

I feel myself fall between two people again, but Avalon comes back in and my eyes begin to water. "Don't apologize. My father gave me this fate, but it was my curiosity that killed me."

And the restraints finally come undone and Pine backs away slightly, giving me room to stand. My legs shake, needing to shift my balance from each foot as I gain my stability back after sitting in the chair for so long. I could run, I know that. I could fight my way out of this one, but I'm tired of running. I'm tired of fighting for a pointless cause. I'm tired of fighting for myself; as it has gotten me nowhere and sometimes, it just got to be too much.

"Tell Red I said hello," I force myself to speak, and I pause for a long moment, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready to comply. You can have her."

And for a second, just a second, I felt the urge to fight. I gained an ounce of courage to do something. But the moment faded, and it was gone. Nothing. In my mind, I flip a switch on my humanity. It's easier than remembering, but harder to forget.

There's nothing left of me.

~

Restraints clamp over my wrists as the scientists prepare for Red's awakening. I grip on to the arm rests, trying to ignore the fact that in a few minutes, I will be put under a plethora of unimaginable pain. The new uniform is uncomfortable against my skin, the leather only seems to make a statement, but nothing more than that. But I hadn't brought the other with me. It's with Bucky. Everything is with him.

Avalon, stop.

I just found him. Everything was okay, but I had to leave him! I needed to breathe because something good was happening. He kissed me. And that was going to be the end of whatever we were going to have. And hell, I wished I had more time.

Avalon, stop.

An IV is inserted into my right arm again by one of the men in a lab coat. I can't tell if they're scientists or doctors, or a mix of both. I pull at the restraints, frightening the man as he quickly walks away and I watch him assumed.

Take it all in.

"The procedure is starting now," Pine's voice brings me back and my eyes go wide. No.

I will not give into their immense power. I will not surrender. I will not back down. I will not give into the temptations of the Red Ghost. I will not give into her ability to let go. I will not allow myself to fall back into old habits, as they always seem to destroy my character. But I'm contradicting my thoughts with my actions, and now, look where I am? Underneath the knife of Hydra.

Avalon, don't fight it.

Do not mess this up.

You mess everything up.

The metal clamps press against my head. Its cold interior sending a chill down my body and my body tenses, awaiting the feeling of electric to course through my body, taking away what's left of my mind. Taking away everything I've learned. Everyone I've known. Everything I am. Once more, nearly seven decades later. Pine presses down on a button, and silence falls upon every individual that stands in the room. I hold my breath, squeezing my eyes tight before it starts.

Suddenly, with the speed of a lightning strike, the memory suppressing machine comes to life. The electricity rattles throughout my entire body, and let out a blood curdling scream. My skin feels like its on fire and the tears start to run down my face. I can't move. My hands grip the arm rests so tight, the ends of the metal chair begins to bend upwards. The pain gets worse, each second more unbearable than the last.

My throat become raw, the screams echo throughout the room. My heart pounds in my chest, but for a moment, I feel like it has stopped because this doesn't feel real. I let this happen. I scream again, a sob gets caught in my throat, causing my screams to stop. But the electricity doesn't hurt anymore. I can't feel a thing.

And the last things I can think of are the things I'll forget. But I try to hold onto them as long as I can because I know what happens after this. I won't be here. I won't be Avalon. I won't be anything more than an assassin and I'm okay with that because eventually, I will be killed. And I hope that day comes sooner than later because I won't be able to live with myself.

I never have been able to, but I've tolerated who I used to be and the one I was created into.

My family. Friends. Myself. Street names. Cities. Science. Everything. But most importantly, I won't remember Bucky. I'll only remember the man outside the mask.

And everything disappears. My mind is numb. The machine detaches itself from my head and immediately rest my head back. The feeling of electricity is still noticeable, but it's barely. Looking around, I can see the curiosity written on the men's' faces. But a man comes forward, with a book in hand, and he flips open to a page.

"наука (science)," my eyes go wide.

"сорок четыре (forty-four)," I try to rip through the restraints

"красный (red)," I scream out, feeling the anger rise within me.

"лаборатория (laboratory)," the anger takes over, finally working with me as I pull free from the restraints.

"опустошение (desolation)," something shifts. Alters, from within.

I stand up, pulling the IV out of my arm and face the man who woke me, "Я готов отвечать (Ready to comply)."

And a devilish grin creeps onto my face. Welcome back, Red. 

a/n: so, I think I have a lot of explaining to do. college was a mess and a half, but here I am, doing what I do best. I hope you enjoy this comeback (: - k