Alliar

I turned over and stretched my arm out, searching for the warmth of another body that wasn't there. There was a brisk chill to the air that was now making my body sting with a sharp numbness. I opened my eyes and lifted my head above the mountain of furs to find the balcony door open letting the cold spring air in. If this was their spring, I could hardly imagine what winter was like in the North. Jonathan stood outside just as he had the morning before, his body tense as he leaned against the railing and focused intently on the horizon. Again, I felt that this was more private and I shouldn't intrude. I turned over giving him privacy and pulled the furs over my body wanting to shut out the cold. But my teeth chattered all the same.

"Cold?" Jonathan asked as he came back into the room and closed the door behind him.

"Y-yes."

He pulled the furs back and grabbed my hand, helping me sit up. "Sit by the fire."

I nodded and walked towards the fire, sitting myself down on the rug and wrapped the blanket around me. If I were any closer to the flames my blanket may very well catch on fire. Jonathan sat on a chair and looked over a few collections of parchment that laid on his table with scribbled writing covering every inch of it.

"How do you stand it?"

"The cold?" He raised his eyebrows and I nodded in response. "When you're born here and spend every morning outside training you get used to the cold. You'll adjust."

I nodded and turned to watch the flames dance.

Jonathan stood from his chair and walked to the door, his eyes never straying once from his parchment papers. "Get dressed, Nicolai will take you to the kitchens." He ordered still not looking up as he walked out the door.

I sighed deeply and decided that getting dressed would be one of the quickest ways to warm up. I looked around the room and found a dress the same as I had seen the maids wearing around the palace. I pulled on the white dress and then worked the light grey skirt over my head, smoothing it down my body until it sat nicely in the inner curve of my waist. I then pulled on the grey vest and fastened it tightly around my waist letting it curve under my breast for support. I tipped my head down and gathered up my hair before tying it on top of my head.

I opened the door and looked around. The hallway was empty. I stared forward, squinting and trying to see through the glass or even catch the light of my reflection - but again, there was nothing. The glass shifted and Nicolai stepped out, an easy smile on his lips and his hands eagerly rubbing over themselves.

"Ready to go down to the kitchen my dear kitchen wench?"

I hit his shoulder with the same force I used to hit my brothers with.

"Ow!" He stepped back from me and rubbed his arm. "What was that for."

"I am no wench."

"Said like a royal pain in my ass." He shoved my shoulder making me stumble into the wall.

I turned to face him shocked. "I can't believe you just did that to a woman."

He chuckled. "Oh please, you lost the right to be called a woman the moment you hit me. Now let's get on, the quicker we get to the kitchens, the quicker I get to eat."

I laughed at him and hurried along beside him.

***

My hair was frizzing and the curls fell loose from the tie and stuck to my neck as I started to sweat. It was hot down here. I could hardly breath without coughing from the steam of boiling water filling my lungs and slowly choking me. It was moments like the last few hours that made me long for the cold breeze that has woken me up the last two mornings.

"Girl!" The head kitchen maid screamed at me just as she had been for half the day. "Stir the soup, don't you dare let it burn. Once it started to boil take it off the heat and over by the bench."

I nodded and walked over to the soup, starting to stir it with a wooden spoon. As I stared into the pot of liquids, meats and vegetables I wondered for a moment if the kitchen knew that Jonathan didn't like soup, if they knew that it reminded him of the war.

Someone knocked me in the back as they walked past and I fell forward into the hot pot. My stomach burned as collided with the pot and I jumped back hitting the trolley that was used to take large amounts of food to the dinner hall. The pot I had been stirring fell forward with the momentum of my body and the soup that made been cooking now spread out over the stoves, dousing the flames and causing other pots of soup to fall over as the coals beneath them became unsteady.

The trolley I had hit with my back ran into the collection of sweets and pastries resting on the rack and making them all fall onto the floor before tipping the rack until it fell into the tall pile of unwashed dishes that began to fall and cause even more destruction. People tripped and fell as they tried to save the food that they had spent all morning preparing while I just stood there with my hand covering my mouth in pure and utter shock.

As everything began to slow and the once noisy kitchen became as silent as the grave the head maid's eyes landed on me. "You," she spoke with a veracity that would have made the greatest warriors in the country tremble in fear. "Get out of my kitchen this instant!"

I gulped as a guard came to my side and started pushing me towards to door that lead out to the market place. "Please." I begged her. I needed this to work.

"Get her out now!"

I was thrown to the floor at the door of the kitchens, a copper coin thrown after me for my hours of service before I ruined all the food only hours from dinner. I pushed myself up to my feet and took my copper coin in my hands, turning it over and over in my hands.

I looked around the market and saw the busy buzz of people, selling and buying their goods for the day.

I walked along the castle wall until I found the main gate fitted with black bars that sharpened to a point at each end and I swear the tips were stained dark red with what I could only attribute to blood. If that didn't work as a deterrent I didn't know what would. I put my head down so that I didn't draw attention to myself and looked the part of a maid and walked up to the gates, slightly ajar.

Two guards stepped into the gap between the gate and let their rights hands drop to their long swords hanging from their belts while their left hands hovered across their bodies where I noticed daggers tucked secretly into the armor. It was an interesting stance, one that I hadn't seen before. If I moved to attack, they were draw their long swords and if I were too quick, their daggers would finish me quick enough.

"Excuse me." I tried to sidestep them but they moved to block my path again.

"No one gets in through the main gate."

"But I work in the Castle."

"Then you should know how to get in." One of the guards took his dagger from its pocket and flipped it between his fingers. I gulped and stepped back understanding the warning. Turning back around I started wondering through the marketplace.

I found myself in the small stables that I had passed through when Nicolai had snuck me into the castle. I moved to the back, surprised when no one stopped me. I found Nippy in the back corner and snuck into her stall.

"Hey girl." I smiled and reached out without hesitation, patting her soft coat and hugging her neck. I hadn't been hugged in a long time. I missed the comfort of a simple, loving hug. The warmth, the safety it create it and the I felt like nothing could touch me as long that hug existed. Her head rest just over my shoulder as she nibbled at the hay hanging from the wall in a basket.

"It's funny. I thought I could actually get away with working in the kitchen. Like I actually knew what I was doing." I rolled my eyes at my stupidity. "It wasn't all my fault though. Someone pushed me to begin with." I let my hand wander to my stomach where the hot pot burned my stomach. It wasn't so sore anymore and I was suddenly grateful that I wore a vest.

I moved to a foot stool and sat down, resting my back against the wall and tilted my head back feeling tears prick in my eyes. I closed my eyes and slouched my posture enjoying the calm before the storm.

Noise fluttered in through the thin walls of the stables and I opened my eyes to see flames flickering outside the window on the other side of the stable. The night was dark and I realized I must have fallen asleep. A light approached us and Nippy stomped her foot on the ground to get their attention.

"Shh girl, they'll find me." I whispered to her but she olny got louder, lifting her two front feet off the ground and pushing them down onto the floor.

"Temperamental beast that one." A boy's voice said. "Needs to be broken in again, she does."

"Maybe." Another voice respond, this one sounded much more familiar. The door to Nippy's pen opened and Demetri looked in, seeing me in an instant. "Or she just doesn't like to share her room."

He smiled softly and nodded to me before turning back around. "Tell the rest I've found her. And someone inform the king, she'll be up in a moment."

Demetri stepped into the pen and squatted down in front of me so that we were now eye to eye. "I thought you'd gone."

I shook my head and held up my coin. "This is all I earned today, before I ruined dinner and trashed the kitchen."

"Ah. I see." He nodded. "I half expected you to run."

"I would have." I answered honestly. "If I had more than a copper. It's at least a week's ride and that's by horse, three if I walked all that way. A copper isn't enough to buy passage through the woods or to buy food and even if I wasn't smart enough to take all of this into consideration and just started walking, I have no idea which way home is." I took a deep breath.

"Others would say anything is better than this."

"Do you detest my company so much." I smiled attempting to joke.

His eyes widened in panic. "No not at all that's not what I meant it's just - "

"I know what you meant Demetri." I flipped my copper again. "And besides. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."

"Wise words."

"Well I have to have something going for me, I can't make it as kitchen wench."

Demetri laughed at me. "Come on, let's get you inside before the nightly frost begin to set in." He took my arm and started guiding me inside.

"Jonathan sent you out looking for me?" I asked me as he took a torch off the wall and we started making our way into the castle.

"Yes we've been out looking for you for hours."

"I couldn't get back in the door, they wouldn't let me so I sat by Nippy."

"Nippy?"

"Yeah Nicolai said she bit him so I called her Nippy."

"Good choice. She is a temperamental horse, I don't trust her one bit."

Demetri stopped outside the chamber door and nodded towards me. "You know, if he ever goes to hurt you, run for the door. The shadow knights behind the glass will step out and calm him down."

I hesitated. "Is he angry?"

He didn't respond.

I swallowed the new lump that had formed in my throat. "Thank you Demetri."

He bowed his head and retreated down the hall.

I turned to the door and took one last easy breath before I opened the door. I stepped in and turned to close the door seeing the two Shadow knights already opening the glass door as if ready to run to my aid. This only scared me more. They nodded towards me and took up their positions.

When I shut the door and turned I saw Jonathan sitting in his chair glaring at me. His arms were tense and I could see the hot rage behind his eyes. I bowed my head and attempted a courtesy. "Forgive me for my tardiness your Grace. The guards wouldn't let me back inside the castle."

He frowned deeply. "What?"

"I was working in the kitchens and I got burned on the pot, it tipped everywhere and then I knocked the trolley and the sweets went all over the floor." I used hand gestures as I told him. "The head maid screamed at me to get out and they threw a copper at me." I held up my copper to show him. "I tried to get back in when I got hungry but the guards stopped me, I guess they didn't know I was allowed in."

He rubbed his hands down his face and leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees. He gestured for me to come closer. Hesitantly, I did. I knelt down before him and stared into his eyes.

"Where did you go?"

"I went to the only person who would enjoy my company."

He gave me a puzzled look.

"Nippy, the horse I rode on our way here."

He smirked. "You named that evil horse."

I nodded smiling. "I think she likes me."

He chuckled. "Of course she does." He stood up and walked to the door, opening it he gave a command I couldn't hear. Turning back to me his eyes scanned my body. "Where's the burn?"

I let my hand sprawl across my waist to show him.

He nodded and reached for a cloth by wardrobe. "Lay down."

I turned around and undid my vest before slipping off my skirt leaving me in only the white dress underneath. I laid down on the bed as Jonathan stalked over towards me. He lifted my dress to look at the skin underneath. "It's red but not that bad, shouldn't blister." Pulling the dress back down he set the cloth on top of my stomach where the burn sat, letting the cold water seep through the cloth so that it stays damp for longer.

"Thank you."

He looked at me with the glint of surprise in his eyes and I realized this is the first time I've ever thanked him for anything, although in my defense, he didn't give me much to be thankful for. He nodded and pulled the fur blankets over me to keep the chill from nipping at my skin.

"Why did you think I ran?" I spoke softly as watched him douse the fire for the night. The room turned back and the moonlight reflecting off the water outside lit up Jonathan's silhouette with a white blue glow.

"It doesn't matter." He whispered and slid into the bed, turning on his side, facing the crashing waves outside.

I fell asleep listening to his calm breaths as his chest rose and fell.   

***

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