This chapter contains some soft mature content, destructive thinking, and heartbreak. Please read with caution.

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Isla Grace Clarke.

When I was little, my mother always told me that I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I never knew what she meant by that. I didn't exactly try to figure it out either. I mean, why would I?

She said it again the day you came to visit us for Christmas. I began to understand more, but not enough to realize the true meaning of it.

I mean, what did a book have to do with reality anyway?

If I only would've known how wrong I was.

Not that it would surprise any of you. I have a habit of being exactly that. Wrong.

Isla smiled as she watched that boy sitting with his spine against his golden tree. Their new little heart was resting on his lap. She knew she'd find him out there, telling Isaac all about Golden.

You once told me that you were sad that I never got to meet Isaac. I feel like I did. Every time I'm out here with you, it feels like he is right here with us.

Is that strange? Does it make me as mental as Draco always says I am?

Perhaps it does. I don't mind.

''Hi you,'' She said as she crossed her feet and sat down next to him. Her eyes caught his hooded ones, and a frown took over what had been a smile merely minutes ago, ''Are you alright?''

Theodore looked up at her. His curls kissed the upper of his brows, his skin reddened by the warm sun shining from above them.

''Hi you,'' He said with a bright smile arching on his lips, ''I am, are you?''

I am now.

''I am,'' She whispered, looking down at Golden as he slept, ''How is he doing?''

Theodore smiled, peering down at their little heart as he rested upon the field of flowers, ''He's settling in fine, I think. I was telling Isaac about him, and he just fell asleep.''

Do you remember when you called Isaac golden? The very reason I chose his name? Do you want to know what I think?

I think you are the golden one, Theodore.

''Have you seen Draco?'' She asked, rolling strands of grass between her fingers, ''I was looking for him, and he's not home.''

''He went out this morning before you woke up.'' He answered. There was a dash of pain in his voice as he spoke, ''I found him down in the living room. He didn't sleep with us last night.''

Isla stayed silent, looking down at her crossed legs.

I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry he didn't sleep with us. That is my fault.

''What happened yesterday? I fell asleep right when I laid down, and then when I woke up, I could hear you crying.'' The pain still dashed his voice, ''And Malfoy wouldn't even come upstairs.''

Her eyes flickered up to him, taking in all that beauty he possessed. There was something so beautiful with Theodore Nott. Something so heartbreakingly stunning.

How do I tell you what we fought about?

I don't think you'd be surprised that we had a fight. We always fight, and you always fix it.

How do I tell you that you can't fix this?

How do I tell you that he doesn't want the same thing? How do I break your heart by admitting that his heart doesn't belong to you?

How do I do that, Theo?

I wish I could ask you because you always have the right answer. Every time I don't find the words to be honest, you speak them for me.

It's like you know what I think before I do. As if you shape my thoughts into words and put sentences together.

We complete each other well. I love that about us. We create these two perfect lines, but we need that last one to connect us.

Why doesn't he see that, Theo?

How come he doesn't need us like we need him?

Can you answer that question for me? Can you form my words, because I don't know how to anymore.

Your heart is the last I would break. I would rip my own out before causing yours any more pain. You've carried enough.

''We had a fight,'' That was all she said while looking away again.

Theodore hummed silently at the warm breeze around them before he reached for her wrist, and he pulled her into him. She settled in his lap, her spine pressed to his chest and his arms tightly wrapped around her.

I love that you both do this. It's like you're protecting me from the world.

''You shouldn't fight, Isla. Not now.'' He whispered against her head, ''You have to choose tomorrow.''

Isla frustratingly sighed, and she leaned back against him, ''I know. I didn't mean to fight with him... he's just... he's confusing, that's all.''

''How come?''

''He makes me think one thing when he wants another.'' Isla whispered, brushing her fingers over his hands, ''And I can't blame him for it. I wish I could, but I can't. He's finally talking to me. It's like he's opening up, and even if it's not what I expected it to be, I could never be mad at him for it.''

Theodore gave a quiet scoff, ''He's everything but predictable, that's certain.''

''He really is, and I'm... I'm happy that he's opening up to me and that he's telling me what he really thinks. He's trying, and I love that, but that doesn't mean that the truth doesn't hurt sometimes.''

''I think the truth is meant to hurt sometimes,'' He agreed, ''I think that we're meant to be sad at certain points to know when we're really happy. Nothing hurts more than reality as it hits you when you least expect it.''

This is what I mean, Theodore.

This is everything. You are everything. You complete me.

''But that doesn't mean that he wants to hurt you. I know Malfoy can be a bit harsh sometimes, but he means well. You know he does.''

Isla nodded, tilting her head to the side to look up at him, ''I have to choose tomorrow.''

Theo smiled down at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead, ''I know you do.'' He said, and the pain in his words was back, ''Do you want to talk about it?''

''Do you want to talk about it?'' She softly retorted, ''This must be hard for you too.''

''I want to talk about what's on your mind,'' His words tickled her forehead, ''How you're feeling about all this.''

She bit her lower lip as she closed her eyes and thought about it.

I think that people would judge me if I told them my thoughts. I mean, they haven't done much but judge me so far.

Not that I blame them, I really don't.

They don't know how it feels to fall in love with two polar souls.

Think about a map of the world, do you see it?

Do you see the layer of ice covering both the top and the bottom of the globe?

Think about Antarctica and the Arctic. Do you know the difference between them?

The largest difference is said to be earthly. That they're polar, and that's what you learn. They are on opposite sides of the world, even if they're slightly similar. Strange, isn't it?

I think that's how you saw Theodore and Draco before you got to know them. They are totally polar yet somewhat alike.

That was how I saw them before I fell in love with them. I think they proved you as wrong as they proved me, because there's so much more to it.

There's so much more to them, to us, and I would love to tell you all about it.

''How do you imagine that your wedding would look like?''

Her question caused him to cough out, and he stared down at her with a confused grimace, ''Excuse me?''

''If we got married, how would it be?'' She smiled up at him, watching how his cheeks blushed and how he turned a bit shy.

Huffing out, he hugged her a little tighter, ''I think it would be outside, in the sun. Your mother and Lucy would be there, Mila, and my parents.''

Isla stayed hushed, waiting for him to add that last name she knew would be coming.

''And Malfoy.''

She smiled. He smiled too.

''I don't think he'd be marrying us, but if you chose me and we got married, I think he'd be hiding close by, watching us from a distance just to see us happy.'' Theodore kept going, ''And I think you'd take my name. You said you liked it better than yours once, and then I think your mother would make us eat her strange meat-free food. I would pretend to like it, so would you, even if we hate it. Then we would eat us full on cake instead, and I'd dance with Lucy while you dance with Mila. Then I'd force you to dance with me, just like we did in that kitchen all those months ago.''

Isla smiled at that.

I fell in love with you in that kitchen, did you know that?

I was pushed to the edge the first time we were in there, the first time you kissed me before Draco stormed in. But the second time — the second time, I fell so hard for you.

Not because of anything you said, but for what you did. You knew you couldn't be with me. You saw me be with him, and still, you were so persistent in taking all my pain away.

You took my secret, my legacy, and you carried it so gently. Not once did you try to use it against me. You kept it safe, which is one of the many reasons I love you.

Falling in love with you was the best thing that ever happened to me.

''I think my mother would force that food down our throats,'' She laughed, ''But I love this, Theo. I love how you imagine it.''

He groaned against her before he laid down. His back was plain over the grass as she shifted around, crawling on top of him.

''What about you?'' He asked, ''If we got married, how would you want it?''

Isla smiled, placing her chin on his chest as he looked down at her, ''I think I'd get married in our bed, just the two of us.''

He raised his brows, looking rather confused as she chuckled at his shocked expression.

''I would have you on top of me, so you didn't feel any pain. I would promise to be yours for the rest of our lives in the same way we sleep every night because it's my favorite feeling.''

Theodore wrapped his arms around her, and he dragged her up over his chest until he could feel the warmth of her breaths on his lips. He loved having her this close. It took away every stain of ache there was within him.

''I love that,'' He spoke against her lips, ''That would be everything.''

Isla smiled, and then she kissed him, moving her mouth in sync with his for moments as the sun lowered over the blue sky.

He pulled away, tilted his head back to the grass, and asked, ''If you married him, how would you do that?''

That is one hell of a question, isn't it?

I think most of you already know how I'd marry Draco. Can you guess before I tell you?

I know exactly where I'd marry him, and I wish I could tell Theo about it, but Draco trusts me with this.

I'd marry him in a place where his parents could be with us, because they were his favorite people. I'd stand in the snow he created, and I would promise to love him for the rest of my life. Only so they can see that he's safe, that he will be safe with me.

''I think I would... do it somewhere it snows.'' Isla smiled to herself, ''Just him and I.''

''That's beautiful too,'' Theodore whispered, running his hands over her dressed spine as he thought for seconds, ''I wish I could give you that, both of us. No one deserves that more than you.''

I wish we all could have it.

Isla's smile faded at his aching words, ''You deserve it more than me. You deserve the both of us.''

''Is that why you tried to run away?''

She froze. Her eyes grew wide as she sat up straight over him. His body followed.

''What?'' Her tone began to shake, hesitancy broke through her vocals, ''What do you mean—''

Theodore smiled as he placed his hands on the grass for support, ''I think you know what I mean.''

Looking down at his chest, she felt the feeling of shame course through her.

I was going to tell you. I promise, but he didn't want me to.

Draco didn't want me to tell you because he cares more about your heart than his own. He said it would break you, knowing that I tried to leave.

I'm sorry, my love.

''I wanted to tell you.'' She sounded a bit heavy now, like speaking was something that hurt, ''I was going to, but I... I didn't want to hurt you.''

''I know,'' He tried to comfort her, lifting his hand till it brushed over her jaw, and he tucked her draping her away from her face, ''I know you didn't.''

''How...'' She hesitated, ''How did you know? Did he tell you?''

''You two didn't speak for days," Theodore's smile vanished, keeping his touch on her jaw, ''And he broke your wand. He wouldn't do that if you didn't do something that made him scared.''

''I hurt him.''

''I know you did, but I think he's more scared than hurt, Isla. He doesn't want you to leave him, and that is probably the most terrifying thing in his life. He needs you, and he's terrible at showing it, I know he is.''

How are you so selfless?

How do you manage to feel everything your loved ones feel? Is it the curse? Is it your blood? Does it hurt taking the weight of the world and placing it on your shoulders?

Did you know that I tried to perform a spell on you once? That would take your pain away? I tried to take your pain, but it didn't work.

I'm not strong like you are. I'm not capable of hurting and still manage as much as you do.

You're admirable, my love.

You have the whole of our world hovering over you, and all you do is turn it into strength. You use it to become stronger, to carry more, to carry me.

You can put me down now, Theodore, because you have made me whole.

Isla settled her arms over his shoulders, and she inched herself closer on his lap, pressing their bodies together before her forehead leaned to his. She closed her eyes, ''I know, and I'm sorry.''

''Do you want to run?'' Theodore mumbled, stroking his nose against hers, ''If you still could? Would you run?''

''Not without you,'' She answered just as pained as the question itself was, ''I can't live without either of you.''

Loss.

It would be the gravest loss in my life to lose either of them, but that is something I am familiar with. Loss.

I never told my story through this one.

I rarely made it about what I went through before their chaos entered my life. I failed to tell you most about the weight on my own shoulders, about my pain and the suffering the world caused me before you came along, all of you.

I had a lot of it. I hurt a lot.

I lost people.

When I was fifteen, I lost my first person. Does he count as my first love? I don't know if he does. Can I still tell you about him?

Cedric was dear to me. He was happiness in human form. He had a soul so bright and a heart so loving.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you everything there was to know him, what he did for me, how he took care of me, how he left me for a place much more peaceful than this one.

I don't know if I loved him. I like to think that I did. He loved me. He told me he did. I didn't say it back when I had the chance, and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Then he died.

He was the greatest example of a soul being taken from the world too soon. It's like when Theodore told me about his father, how the universe seems to pick the prettiest flowers first.

The world picked him, and I hated everything because of it.

I don't hate the world anymore. It must have had a reason. He must have had a reason. Some greater meaning that went far beyond this one.

I am so proud of him, and I know that wherever he ended up, he spreads as much joy and happiness as he caused me.

You always say that someone deserves the world, well the deserves the whole of what comes after it.

Then I lost more.

Fred.

My Fred.

He loved it when I called him that.

He said that I was his Isla and he was my Fred. He searched it up once, what our names meant. Peaceful ruler and island.

He said that it was perfect. I thought it was funny.

He told me not to laugh at the idea and that we would have that one day. That we would have our own peaceful island where he was the ruler.

I remember George sitting down next to us when he talked about it, and Fred began to laugh instead, because George meant farmer. He said that he could work for him on our island.

All of us laughed. I was eleven, and they were thirteen.

I will soon be as old as he was when he was taken from me.

If only we would've left for that island before the world got to him.

Now he's not here anymore.

I lost more.

I lost my father.

I never told anyone much about my father, mainly because I didn't know much myself.

He came when he was needed and went when he wasn't. He didn't see Lucy more than a few times when she was a baby. He stayed clear of her. He didn't want to disappoint her, he said.

My father always said that we shouldn't see him in the way our mother spoke about him. He always told me that I shouldn't listen to her when she tried to convince me how great he was. He knew he wasn't great. He knew he failed us.

He told me to see him as a monster, as someone bad and evil that took my childhood away. I tried to. That didn't work either.

I see my father as someone pure. Just because you're bad doesn't mean you're not pure.

He was pure. He knew who he was, and he happily took the consequences for it.

He fell in love with a muggle even when he was fighting for a side that despised them. That tells me that he was pure at heart. He did what he believed was right for my mother, and he hid us while doing what was right for himself.

Selfish, but pure.

He died too.

Loss is something that I know, something I've felt, something I will feel for the rest of my life.

It's something we all know.

Draco lost his parents. Theodore lost his childhood. I think most of you have lost someone too.

Three broken souls that mended each other into one.

So when I say that our love is beautiful, do you understand it now? Do you understand me now?

I know it's hard to put yourself in my shoes. After all, all you've done is get to know me based on my mistakes.

I make a lot of mistakes. Some were intentional, others weren't, but at the end of the day, can you really blame me?

Do you ever wonder why I never spoke full sentences when I first got to know Theo and Draco? Why did I let them speak louder than me? Why did I let them walk all over me and cut me off like I was nothing? I didn't think I was worthy of speaking my truth as a child. I was hushed and silenced. It's hard to overcome that.

Do you know why I became so weak every time I was left behind? Why do I beg both parts of my heart to stay? I grew up with a father who abandoned us for what he believed in. I don't like being left behind. Both Draco and Theodore have left me behind more times than I can count. That hurts sometimes.

I had to live half of my life in secret. I couldn't tell a soul about my ties to the Weasley clan. My own family. I had to sneak around to see them. I had to lie to be with them, and I don't like secrets. Draco and Theo kept a lot of secrets from me, some of them to protect me, others to protect themselves. I don't blame them for that. I carry their secret with as much grace as they carry mine.

I've seen death in all shapes and forms. I've hurt more than I can put into words. I didn't do well with feelings at the beginning of it all. I didn't know what I wanted or who I wanted it with. I wanted them both, and I wanted no one.

My best friend died, my Fred, and I knew I wouldn't be the same again. My father passed, and the biggest part of my family moved across the globe.

I was alone. I had friends, but I was still so alone.

I was confused, hurt, and lonely — until they came along.

The two loves of my life.

Do you understand me better now?

Can you see that someone doesn't always do things to be a bad person? Can you see that sometimes a soul tries its best but still fails?

I read that book Theodore told me about. I saw the parts he'd outlined and noted. One line went, 'Poor actions don't make a bad person.'

Theo was right. Amelie seemed to be awfully clever for her age. She couldn't be more right in what her heart poured out.

All three of us have made more mistakes than I think we'll ever be able to count, done worse than we'll ever understand, but it took us here. I took me here.

Every wrong, bad word and mistake brought me closer to my two boys.

Every time I've cursed them for coming into my life, every time I've looked at them as if they were riddles, something I could never figure out, every time I've forced us all to keep our feelings hidden because I wasn't ready, every time we've hurt each other with the worst type of betrayal, only to realize we're not more than equals, all three of us, just equals.

Perhaps that was what we were all along, and it caused all of this to happen — we desired, and we craved it.

It sounds idiotic, believe me, I'd know, but I don't mind.

Even if I regret what I've done in the past, I would never change it.

I am not asking you for forgiveness, and I am not asking for acceptance but for understanding.

Love makes you crazy, and the love I have for my two boys goes beyond that. I think yours do too.

Imagine losing that. Imagine only the thought of losing the love that pieced you together after all your heartbreak.

You'd be as crazy as me if you had to live through the life I'm living.

It truly lived to be a funny thing, how one shattered heart could be mended by two others just as crushed as hers.

Isla blinked, sighing, ''I know he's scared, and I know he needs me. I need him more than anything, but I need you too. I can't...''

Theodore smiled against her, nudging her head back to give her a kiss.

''I know you can't,'' He said, whispering his words to her lips, ''And that's alright, Isla. You have the whole day tomorrow to figure this out.''

''What if I don't?" She asked. Her heart was thrashing in her chest, ''What if I can't figure it out? What if I stand there tomorrow, and I can't choose?''

Brushing his nose over hers, he placed another kiss on her lips, ''Malfoy might be an idiot most of the time, but it doesn't make him any less right. He's right, and you know that. If you don't choose, you'll provoke the Minister, more than you have already.''

She closed her eyes, and she tilted her forehead to his.

''I hate this too, love. I hate this more than you know, but this is the way it has to be, you know that.''

Do I, Theodore?

Do I know that?

After you told me your secret, I don't feel like I know much anymore.

I never believed myself to be an educated person, to begin with. I didn't have the intelligence to thrive academically. I didn't want to. I didn't feel the need to, and that is okay.

It's more than alright not to have big dreams and be unaware of what you want your future to look like.

When we were eleven, one of our late professors gave us a blank piece of paper. Do you remember that, Theo?

She told us to write what we wanted to be when we grew up.

Ava said that she wanted to become a politician, some sort of minister, just like her father. Ironic, considering she's just as corrupt as he is.

Leo wanted to be a musician. I bet you didn't know that. He never told anyone, but that was always the dream he worked for.

I didn't write anything down on my paper. I didn't think and plan my future ahead of me, because I wasn't sure I'd have one, so I drew on it instead, a field of flowers, something like the field we're sitting on right now.

Was I destined to end up here, you think? Did I know that I'd be yours even when I was younger?

Perhaps, and perhaps not. The world works in mysterious ways.

Your world is the most exquisite thing I've ever earned a place in, Theodore. You've known nothing but pain and hurt growing up.

Still, you managed to make that beautiful. There's so much magic in you, so much more than you'll never know. I wish you could see yourself like I see you, how breathtakingly beautiful everything about you is.

You know a lot about this life that I don't. You're gifted, smart, and talented no matter what you do. I can't wait to learn more from you, to see where your wings spread and take you.

Theodore shook his head slowly and whispered, ''I hate the idea of losing you, Isla. I hate it more than anything. I can't... It hurts. It fucking hurts knowing that this can be the last I have of you. It hurts to know that I'll never have a love like yours in my life, ever again.''

His voice was so heavy and pained as he spoke, ''I don't care about being alone. I've spent most of my childhood alone in that cellar. It's not that I'm scared of,'' He looked up at her, ''I'm scared because I won't have you anymore. The only thing worse than being alone is being alone without you.''

Her face twisted into pure ache, and tears began rimming in her eyes, ''Theo... don't say that...''

''I know that Malfoy has been honest with you, so I guess it's my turn to be honest,'' He said, swallowing the lump in the back of his throat before he moved his hands up her arms and grasped at her jaws.

''I love you, Isla. I love you more than I'll ever be able to explain, so I won't try to explain it because no words will ever measure up to what you mean to me, and I want you to know that no matter what happens tomorrow, you'll be alright. You'll be with one of us, and you'll be okay.''

Tears fell from her eyes. Her chest closed in on her as her throat tightened. Isla could barely speak. Hardly breathe. All she did was shake her head.

''Love, listen to me,'' Theodore stilled her, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks, and he held her as steady as he could, ''You'll be okay, Isla. I know it hurts. It hurts me more. It hurts me so much more, but you need to listen to me. If you choose him, I'll love you for it. If you choose me, I'll love you for that too. I'll love you regardless of what your choice will be.''

She sobbed out now. Isla couldn't keep herself together as she pushed herself back and she stumbled to her feet. Theodore stood up in front of her, looking down at the girl as she cried.

''Don't,'' Isla tried to draw a breath, ''Please, don't.''

''Listen to me,'' Theodore had tears in his own eyes. Seeing her in pain caused him to hurt even more. He took a step closer as she took one back, ''I won't lie about the fact that I'll be dead inside without you, because I will, but happily so. Somehow you've become all of me, Isla. Not half, not a bit, or a slight piece, but all of me.''

Her arms clung around herself, shaking her head in denial.

''And I wouldn't have it any other way. I belong to you. Every last piece of me is yours, Isla. All of me belongs to you, always. That will never change, and if you find yourself in a position where you want to run...'' Clear tears of pure sorrow gathered in his own eyes, ''Take me with you.''

Isla looked away. Her chest heaved as the tears fell relentlessly. Heavy sounds merged from her chest. She still couldn't find the strength to speak. Theodore took two steps forward, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest.

''Find me, love, and take me with you,'' He whispered against her temple, placing a soft kiss on it, ''Wherever you want to go, I'll follow. I'd follow you to the end of the earth if you needed me to, straight to hell and death. I'd go everywhere with you, Isla.''

''I love you—'' She silently sobbed against him, folding her arms around his chest, and she held him so tight, like she'd die if she ever let go. It felt like she would die. Merely the thought of ever being without him was fatal, ''No one can compare to you. There will never be another you.''

''I love you more,'' He couldn't stop himself as tears fell from his eyes. He felt her shaking body in his arms. Isla was breaking his heart, ''I love you so much more, Isla. That's all that matters. Not who you choose. You love me, and I love you. That's all that'll ever count.''

She nodded, looking up at him through her tears, ''You love me, and I love you. That's all that counts.'' Isla whispered, dragging her palms around his body before she could knit her fingers into his shirt, inching herself even closer, ''You and me, no matter what.''

''You and me,'' He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her shallow sobs hitting his chest, ''No matter what, Isla.''

''I'm not ready,'' She managed. Tilting her head back, she met his glinting gaze, ''I'm not ready, Theo. I'll never be ready.''

I know I won't. I mean, who could ever be ready for something like this?

How could you ever be ready for heartbreak? It hurts more when you're prepared for it because you know what you're about to lose.

I can't lose them. Neither of them.

And before you call me selfish, ask yourselves this — if you were meant to choose between your mind and heart, which would it be?

What part of myself am I willing to sacrifice?

Neither, because one cannot survive without the other.

That's how I feel. That's the truth about loving them, both of them. They became half of me, one half each, and I became all of them.

Now you might call me mental and insane. I know I am, but try to live a life with these two boys, and you would be too.

''How am I supposed to do this? How am I—'' Isla cried against him. She couldn't stop. Couldn't help herself from absolutely shattering in his arms, ''I can't choose, Theo. I won't.''

''You'll get hurt,'' He whispered, ''If you don't choose, you will get hurt, and neither of us can have that.''

''I don't care—''

''But I do,'' He cut her short, frowning as he pinned her down with his narrowed gaze, ''I care. I'd rather kill myself than let you get hurt, Isla. That's not an option, do you understand? You'll choose, just like you promised Malfoy, and that's it.''

''I'll die without you.'' Isla's vision blurred, ''I won't make it without both of you.''

Love, you think. Is it really worth risking your life for?

A year ago, my answer to that question would've been no. It's not. All love had granted me was pain.

I was wrong again.

Their love is worth sacrificing every last bit of myself for. Their love is what keeps me alive.

Not one of them, but both.

Balance is what we created, and we made something beautiful rise alongside it. So tell me, how do you give up half of yourself? How do you kill half of your soul? How do you tear your heart in two?

When you know the answer to that question, please tell me. I would love to know.

It was never a choice for me. I think you all know that by now. It was never about choosing between them. It was about learning to love them both. It was about teaching them how to love themselves, how we all love ourselves.

Theodore didn't know love before me, and I wouldn't even know how to spell it if it wasn't for him. He taught me how to love, how to love myself, and he learned how to love himself in the process.

He taught me how to love others, how to see love as something beautiful, because his love is exactly that. It's beautiful. He is beautiful. His love is what defines the word itself.

Look up the word love, and you'll see his name as the definition of it.

He is the love I was destined to have. The love every fairytale promises you. The love everyone deserves to feel at least once in their life. I got it. I had it. I have it.

I will never let him go.

While Draco, he thought he knew what love was. He tried so hard to convince himself that he did, that he was in love with someone, that he was worthy of that feeling. He is. Oh, how he is worthy of love. I think he knows that now.

He taught me how to want love, how to work for it, how it shines in different shapes and forms, and how it doesn't just fall into your lap. You have to want it. You have to take it.

It's a funny thing, falling in love with two versions of the same feeling.

He was the love I never saw coming. He was the love that swept me off my feet and dragged me down to the infinity of it. I never want to climb back up. I want to stay there with him, with Theodore, with the both of them.

Now you tell me how I am supposed to choose.

The sun, the moon, and the chaotic constellation of stars surrounding us.

That is us. That is what we are, what we were meant to be all along. Vital for each other, and fatal without.

Ironic, isn't it? How I started out by hating them?

They made my life a living hell a year ago. They made me want to rip my hair out and dig a hole so deep around myself that I'd never see the light of day again. My heavenly chaos.

I'm sure I made them feel the same way, if not worse.

I can't really blame them for that, can I? I'm their mess, after all.

Isla looked down at the ground, swallowing something aching in her throat before she dared to peer up at him again. She felt like she was failing him, like she'd failed them both by not finding a way to keep them in her life.

It's like the sun and the moon.

They are my sun and moon, crucial for me to keep living.

Did you know that the moon only shines because of the reflection from the sun? That it has such a light that it manages to illuminate the darkness of our world?

Did you know that Theodore made Draco shine? That he gives us all the light we need to survive and more?

My sun, Theodore.

You are, and will forever be, the sun in my life, in his life, in all of our lives.

Did you know that when the moon crosses paths with the sun and the earth, it has the world hypnotized? Solar eclipse, they call it. It's not always you can see them. It depends on where you are.

I guess I was in the right place at the right time to become so hypnotized by Draco.

He came between me and the sun, and he had me falling absolutely lost. I have never been so blinded by anything like I was by you. I never saw you coming.

My moon, Draco.

You are and will forever be the moon in my life. The storm no one could see coming, and the one person who took my breath away.

That's how I see them.

Perfectly flawed, both of them.

Could I consider myself as the lunar eclipse? The world that courses between the sun and the moon at the exact right time for it all to become something so illusive.

Together we created our own constellation of chaos and mess, something so beautiful that's ours and ours only.

''Look at me,'' He said and angled her face up, ''You couldn't do anything to prevent this, Isla. You couldn't stop me from falling for you. Nothing could ever stop me from falling in love with you. I meant what I said, I'd love the hell out of you no matter the cost of it, and if us not being together is what the price is — I'll happily pay it.''

Her lower lip was quivering as she tried to gasp for her breath.

''I wasn't alive before you, Isla, but you turned my life into something I didn't think it could be, and for that, I'll always be grateful, no matter how this ends. I got to love you. I got to feel what being loved by you felt like, and let me tell you one thing... it's the best goddamn feeling in the world.''

''Theo,'' Isla tilted her head and kissed his palm, ''Don't say things like these, please.''

''I love you,'' He whispered as his fingers left a feather-light touch across her face. It felt like he memorized her, almost, ''My pretty girl. Always my pretty girl.''

Just as she opened her mouth to speak against him, to tell him how she could never leave him, and how she never would — he pushed his lips to hers.

Theodore didn't let her speak. He kissed her instead.

His hands were tensing over her jaws, almost as if he needed her to stay like that, never move so he could have her close forever. Isla clung onto him, her arms around his neck as he straightened his spine.

Theo lifted her, helping her wrap her legs around his waist as their mouths frantically moved against each other, their teeth clashing.

Her hands were in his hair, clawing at his neck, while his touch grasped at her thighs, holding her so close to him.

''Theo...'' Isla kept her tone low, bucking up against him as he held her, ''What about him? If he comes back and sees us—''

''This might be the last time I'll have you. I couldn't care less about him right now.'' Theodore groaned, ''Stop thinking about him, Isla. Think about me now, please? Be mine right now.''

This is the worst part, do you know that?

The part where they feel like I'm not fully theirs, like I belong to the other one no matter what I do. That might be my own fault. I have a habit of thinking about them both, no matter what.

I mean, how can I not?

''I'm sorry.'' She breathed into his mouth, ''I won't. I won't think about him. Only you now.''

''Only me now,'' He repeated, almost as if he assured himself that before he snapped his fingers and apparated them to his room. Golden was still asleep outside, and they knew he'd be sleeping for a while.

''Only you, Theo.'' Isla promised, feeling how he stumbled backward before sitting down on his bed with her straddling him, ''No one but you.''

She tensed as his hands roamed across the back of her dress, his fingers digging into her hips to move her over him.

His touch wasn't feather-light anymore. It was heavy, pained. She could feel the ache of his heart through the way he touched her.

Isla gasped at how he stood up again, still with her twined around him before he spun around, and he laid her down on their sheets. Pulling away from her mouth for a second, he watched her.

Theodore took in every part of her flushed skin, her blushing cheeks, her parted lips, her heaving chest. He let his fingers comb through her hair, dragging the tips of them up her bare arms until he could tangle their hands together.

He was laying on top of her now, kneeling between her legs with her arms pinned over her head and their fingers twined. That was what he loved. Theodore adored her that way. He looked down at her. Their souls were stained and tainted.

''Theo—'' Isla tried.

He shook his head at her, whispering, ''Not now,'' His lips brushed over her ear, sending paths of goosebumps down her neck, ''I need you to be quiet now. Can you do that?''

Isla blinked up at him. There was so much pain. So much hurt. So much of what they had left to be but couldn't. She was crying again.

He hated when she did that, when she was vulnerable and when she cried. His heart was breaking. She was breaking it. She was crushing it into an infinity of pieces that all belonged to her.

It was like she crushed herself while breaking him.

She felt his lips on her neck, her lips parted because of it. A sweet sound emerged from her throat as he bit his way down, traveling lower. He reached his name.

His initials that would stay on her for the rest of her days.

A part of him would always be there even if he wouldn't, and she'd always be with him.

Isla Clarke marked Theodore Nott in more ways than with the knife she'd taken to his chest. She'd ruined his life and turned it into something better. Even if she was crying now, he didn't think it was sorrow she cried for.

They'd been good together. They'd been everything to the other. They'd been more to each other than they'd been to other souls.

She cried for him. He kissed her tears away. She tried to speak again. He put his hand over her mouth. She closed her eyes as he dragged the dress over her head.

It was like it hurt. It ached in her chest to see him undress her, knowing it might be their last time.

Theodore was her first, not only like this. He didn't just take her virginity, but he was her first real love. He was the one she fell for first, the one who stole her heart as if it was nothing and made it all his.

She loved him so much.

Theodore tossed her dress across the room before moving down her exposed chest. He left wet, bruised marks behind him. He couldn't help himself. If there was a chance this was their last time, he needed her to have as much of him as she could before it faded.

But as he reached her lower stomach, kissing right above the hem of her underwear — Isla knitted her fingers into his curls, and she urged him to come back up.

''Not like that,'' She whispered. She couldn't speak with full tone even if she wanted to, ''I want you, Theo. Nothing else.''

He nodded and kissed her.

He felt her fingers snake between them, unclasping his belt and unhooking it from its loops. Isla threw it aside, aiming for the button of his pants. She pushed his pants down, his boxers. She forced them down his legs until he was as bare as he'd caused her to be.

It took her minutes where she fiddled with his shirt, finally dragging it off his arms, and then she scooted up over the covers, making him follow. He crawled after her, watching her spread her thighs wide for him to come between them. He did.

Theodore settled his hands on each side of her head before he bent down to kiss her again. Their mouths were open, gasping and moaning as they praised each other's pain.

''Let me have you,'' She managed through her tears, reaching for the silky sheets, and she dragged it across them, ''Please, Theo.''

''One last time?'' He silently asked against her, looking through her soul with the depths of his eyes.

Isla cried more as she shook her head. Her fingers stroked over his jaw, cupping his face, ''It doesn't have to be the last time.''

Theo bucked himself closer, reaching her aching core as he whispered, ''Why does it feel like it is the last time?''

She tried to speak again. He didn't let her. He pressed another kiss to her lips.

Theodore pushed into her, giving her every inch of himself in one push. It hurt more than the first night they'd done this. It hurt more than when he slid in inches at the time. It hurt so much that she had to bite his lower lip not to sob out.

''You're okay,'' He whispered with another push, bottoming himself deep within her, ''You'll always be okay with me, love.''

She nodded, letting go of the clasp her teeth had him in, and she kissed him instead, wrapping her arms around his neck to have him closer than before.

''Does it hurt?'' He asked, slowly rolling his hips to hers, ''Do you want me to stop?''

''No,'' She mouthed, ''This isn't what hurts me.''

''I'm not letting you go, Isla.'' He moved so gently against her, pushing in and withdrawing with such ease, ''I know you think that this is me letting you go.''

Isla ruptured in something similar to both a sob and a moan, something she couldn't stop from aching through her chest. He caught her sweet sound in his mouth, and he returned it by grunting into hers.

''I'll never let you go,'' He whispered, still steadily moving into her, ''Never, Isla. You're mine.''

I am.

I am yours.

I'll always be yours, Theo.

Theodore Nott, you'll always be the beautiful part of me.

The part I'd like to experience again and again, over and over. I can never get enough of you. I want to kiss your nose every morning, and I want to feel your body on mine every night.

My life isn't complete without you. I can never be whole if I'm not with you. I want to die at the thought of not breathing the same air as you.

''You're mine,'' He said again, rolling his hips harder, "Always, Isla. Always mine."

Isla held onto him, clawing marks across his back that bleed. She scarred him forever. He loved it. He would care for the scars she'd caused him for the rest of his damned life, even if she weren't there to care for him.

She tightened her legs around him, feeling his kisses honoring her skin.

He moaned. She cried. He wanted to cry too. She didn't want him to. She wanted him to have this. He needed it.

"I love you," He told her over and over. He said it while pushing into her. He whispered it when he kissed her tears away. She said it back every time. Perhaps she said it more times than he did. She definitely did.

As if they struggled to let go and battled with holding on at the same time, neither could hold their tears back. Isla cried. Theodore buried his head against her shoulder, not to show her the pain he had hidden in his eyes. Couldn't bring himself to.

He just wanted her close. He just needed to have her this way in case he'd never be allowed this piece of her again. This piece of them.

He worked hard yet slow to fill her up. It wasn't rushed nor strained. It was just them, bare and sore for each other. Isla couldn't stop kissing him. She kissed him every chance she got, and he let her.

Theo angled himself deeper, grasping at her hip with one hand to dive further, to reach more.

Her body was so submissive to his at that moment, she took every inch he gave, and she loved him for it. Devouring each other, feeling and taking in what they hoped they wouldn't lose before it was too late.

She was crashing from the high he'd ever so raised her to, completely taking her to the skies of his own world as the goosebumps prickled at her skin.

She wasn't writhing and thrashing below him like she used to. She was floating on the clouds of his euphoric heaven.

''I love you,'' Her words were as fragile as glass when they hit his parted lips, ''I am so in love with you, Theo.''

He looked down at that shallowly breathing girl underneath him, and it felt like she robbed him of his soul. He could never imagine a life, any life, where he didn't love her with every fiber in his body.

If he lost her in this life, he knew he'd find her in the next, and they'd continue the course of love that started here.

Some say that you'll find the love of a lifetime with someone, that you'll dig deep down to the bones their heart is beating within and make it all your own, but what if we're more than that, Theo?

What if we are the love that overcomes the course of this life and travel along to everything that is yet to come?

Would you still love me five lifetimes from this one? Would you stay with me as we're brought through the constellations of our own beautiful mess to the next one?

I will stay with you.

''My pretty girl,'' He groaned. Unraveling just like she'd done and falling down to the hell they'd always been stuck in, ''You'll always be my pretty girl, love.''

Isla hummed silently as he finished inside her, ''And you are my pretty boy, Theo. Always my pretty boy.''

Usually, he'd fall down next to her, but he didn't now. He stayed on top of her, with his head close to her neck and his chest pressed to hers.

''Are you in pain?'' Isla brushed her fingers over his bare spine, feeling the shivers pathing after her touch. She grasped for the cover, and she pulled it over them again.

Isla loved these moments. She barely had them with Draco, and it made the ones with Theo so much more special. It felt like it was theirs and theirs only.

Theodore was the only one who allowed her the good that came after their sins. He was always so gentle, making sure she was alright and if she needed anything before he let her fall asleep close to him.

''Theo?'' She dared again, ''Are you okay? Are you in pain?''

Theodore yet failed to answer. It ached inside her as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed the top of his head, burying her face in his messy curls.

Moments passed where she just hid in the safety of him, completely escaping reality for a bit of peace with him, taking in the last of that day on their bed before it all would come crumbling down.

He still didn't speak. He was hushed, and he barely breathed before he looked up at her with something pained veiled in his eyes.

''Run away with me,'' Theodore whispered, faintly, ''Just run away with me, Isla.''

She surprisingly blinked down at him, noticing how the sun was withdrawing from the skies outside. The soft light kissing his skin faded, and wrenching darkness ruled.

''What?'' Her tone was shaking, not clearly sure what he meant, ''Theo, what do you mean?''

''He doesn't want to run, right? I suppose that's why we don't talk about it, because he wants you to himself?''

Isla braced herself up on her elbows, and she squinted as she saw him through the shadows, ''Theodore, I don't understand—''

I do.

I do understand.

I just don't want to break your heart.

It's so beautiful, Theo. Your heart is beautiful. Don't let me break it.

''I think you do,'' He kept his sight narrowed at her, ''I think that's the reason you were crying last night. I think you told him that you wanted us to run, and he said no.''

How do you know this?

Why am I always looking past the fact that you're the most intelligent soul I know?

That was one of the very reasons I fell for you — yet another reason on the list with hundreds of them to follow. Your mind. It's as beautiful as your heart and as breathtaking as your smile.

I love your smile, Theo.

I love when you smile. It makes me smile. It makes an entire room shine up. As if someone placed a pile of gold in the middle of it.

I love every single detail there is to know about you.

''Theo...'' She tried, but he bucked away before laying down next to her instead. She scowled slightly at his withdrawal, ''Theo, what is happening right now?''

''He always said it, so I don't know why we expected it to be different. He wants you to himself, and I can't blame him, Isla. I don't like the idea of you being shared between us either.''

''Theo,'' Isla rolled over, placing her cheek on his chest as she looked up at him, ''Where is this coming from?''

''What if we run away?'' He said again, tipping his head as she caught his eyes, and he reached for her hand to tangle their fingers together, ''What if we run now, and he can find us when he's ready?''

She felt how he placed a tender kiss on her knuckles, brushing his nose against the spine of her hand.

''But you just said that you didn't want to share me?'' She tried to make sense of this, but nothing really stuck to her, ''Theo, what is going on?''

Theodore looked out over the darkness as it came crawling around them. He used his hand and snapped his fingers for lighted candles to appear. They were floating in the air around them. She weakly smiled.

''I don't know,'' He was so calm as he spoke, like it wasn't him but his heart speaking directly to her, ''I don't know what I mean. I just... I feel like we should run. We should escape and figure out this away from all the laws and the Ministry. We could run and hide and still think about what we want to do. There's more time, Isla. We just have to take it.''

''You're talking about leaving Draco behind, Theo. I won't do that. I wouldn't do that to you if he was the one who asked,'' Her tone was still so frail, crowded in pain, ''I won't leave him behind like this. I promised.''

''He'll find us when he's ready,'' Theo pushed his lips against her forehead, ''He won't be able to stay away, Isla. Hell, I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. I know he won't. He'll realize what he's missing out on, and he'll find us. We can figure out the rest once we're safe.''

It wasn't a bad idea. Isla knew it wasn't a bad idea.

It was a rather smart one. If she and Theo ran to spare them the ticking clock as it so ruthlessly hovered above them, Draco would find them. He would come for her. She knew he would.

Draco would always catch her, and this wasn't an exception. This was something that could be their salvation. They wouldn't have to live by rules. She didn't have to cut ties with the person she didn't pick.

She could live freely with them, and they could figure it all out as they go.

''If...'' Isla closed her eyes and breathed him in, ''If we do this, how do we make him understand that this is about all of us? That this isn't me choosing you and us running away?''

I think we all can agree on the fact that Draco will do everything he can not to see it in the way we mean it.

My chaotic boy usually gets ahead of himself when it comes to these things.

''We tell him.'' Theodore huffed, ''We tell him tonight before we go. We tell him that he's free to find us when he wants to, and that's it. We don't have to lie, Isla. We can be honest with him.''

''He won't go for this. He won't forgive me, Theo.'' She said, feeling his arm tighten around her, bringing her closer, ''He won't agree to this. He asked me to choose, and I promised. I can't break his trust again.''

Theodore nodded slowly, fiddling with her fingers, ''Can I ask you something?''

Furrowing her brows, she doubtfully met his hurting gaze, ''Of course, anything.''

''What do you want, Isla?''

The question had her heart pacing. Her insides twisting.

''You know what I want, and you know what he wants, but what do you want? Did we even bother to ask you what you want?'' He sounded disappointed in himself, like he reached a realization, ''You can make us all kinds of promises, Isla, but at the end of the day — this is your choice. You decide, and you should make it for yourself.''

Swallowing the lump thickening in the back of her throat, she admitted, ''I don't know. I don't know because I never planned to make a choice. I planned to run away. I never thought... that I would have to choose after all.''

It turned quiet for seconds before she picked her voice up and said, ''I want to run, Theo.'' She looked up at him, ''I want to run, but only if he comes with us. I don't want to do this without him or you, but he doesn't want this, Theo. He doesn't want us to run, and I can't make him.''

''You don't have to force him. Try and talk to him, make him listen to what you want, and let him think about it.'' He said, ''It's not more than fair that you get your voice heard in this too.''

It is all I want.

I want them, and them only.

But as I want to be selfish, I only realize how much I can't be just that. I've been selfish before. It crushed Draco. I can't break his heart more than I already have.

You've seen it.

My lies broke him in ways I failed to see.

I know better now.

''What will happen?'' Isla hesitated, lowering her voice as she nestled up closer to him, ''If we run, what will happen to you? You need your doctors, don't you? The hospital? Your treatments?''

''Isla...'' Theodore shook his head. His gaze was soft, ''Don't worry about me. Think about yourself.''

''I don't want to think about myself,'' She cleared before she propped herself up, and she straddled him with a sheet wrapped around her. She tenderly smiled down at him, ''Tell me. Tell me how it would work, being away from your doctors? I mean, the Ministry knows about your blood-curse, and if we run — that hospital is the first thing they'll put under surveillance.''

''Isla...'' Theodore shook his head at her yet again as his hand cupped her jaw, and he pulled her down over him, ''Think about what you want, please. Don't think about him, or me—''

''I am,'' She whispered, meeting his kiss before eagerly arching back up, ''I am thinking about myself. If we run, I need to know that it will work. So tell me. How can you live with the curse if we're on the run—''

''What did you just say?''

Isla froze.

She'd felt her blood icing probably a hundred times before, but she had never felt this.

Nothing compared to this — this was absolutely fatal.

This killed a piece of her.

Not what he asked, but the way he asked it. He didn't shout. He didn't spit his words. He sounded broken, like his life was vanishing before him. She heard it on repeat in her head. Over and over.

No.

No. No. No.

''Malfoy—'' There was panic in Theodore's eyes as they snapped to above her shoulder, watching the blond stand in the doorway, ''She didn't say anything.''

Isla didn't dare to turn around. All she could manage was to close her eyes and focus on her breath before she suffocated to death.

''The hell she did,'' Draco's voice was so calm as he took another step into the bedroom.

He watched the chaotic bed. How exposed they were beneath the sheets, the candles floating in the air, and then he looked at her.

She didn't have to meet his silver eyes. She felt them stabbing through her back, just like he thought she'd driven a knife into his.

''Malfoy—'' Theodore tried again, placing his hands on Isla's hips to stop her from fainting. She was turning pale — blue almost. She held her breath.

''I didn't ask you. I asked her.'' Draco said, colder now. There was death in his voice.

She'd heard betrayal in his vocals before. This was something else.

She crumbled. She peeled her eyes open and stared at Theodore. He met her frightful gaze. She'd never seen so much fear in his eyes. There was even more in hers. Neither knowing what to do.

''Clarke,'' Draco gritted his jaw, ''Look at me.''

Isla drew a breath to the very depths of her lungs before she pushed her palms into Theo's chest, and she climbed off him. She stepped off the bed with the cover wrapped around her, staring at the ground.

''I said look at me,'' He demanded. His voice could kill a room of a hundred armed men.

Her eyes snapped to his.

Shaking. Isla was shaking.

Is this what death feels like?

You've promised to kill me before, Draco.

Is now the time you choose to hold your word as you realize that I failed to keep mine?

''What did you say?'' He asked. So coldly that a glacial breeze couldn't compare. The candles disappeared from around them. Nothing but darkness conquered, ''I want to know what you said.''

Her eyes fell over him, and tears rimmed in her eyes.

Draco was holding a bouquet of flowers.

He'd never gotten her flowers. He'd never tried to make a gesture similar to this one after a fight. He just talked to her. He wanted to show her more now.

Isla was dying inside because it was the same flowers he always placed on his mother's grave. White roses.

He got her his mother's favorite flowers.

''Draco...'' She whispered, catching Theo standing up behind her in the corner of her eye, ''Listen to me.''

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Malfoy swallowed and looked up at Theodore, ''You lied to me? I expected that from her, but you? You lied to me?''

Theodore looked away with a tense jaw. The curse coursing through his veins was nothing compared to this.

''Draco,'' Isla took a stumbling step forward, tugging at the sheet as it covered her bare body, ''I can explain. It's not what you think it is. I'll tell you everything.''

I love you.

That's all I want to tell you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you so much it hurts, Draco.

He didn't look at her.

Malfoy looked at Theodore as something burnt out. Something he'd once felt was long gone now. He couldn't look at Isla. He couldn't afford her dying in his eyes. He couldn't let go of her as he'd just abandoned everything he once felt for Theo.

Isla was everything, the only reason he didn't burn together with his past all those months ago.

Isla Clarke was all Draco had left.

Instead, his shoulders sunk. Draco looked down at the bouquet of his mother's favorite flowers. His face agonizingly twisted.

A grimace of pure torture swept over his face as he dropped the flowers to the ground, but he didn't walk out. He looked up at her.

Draco looked at Isla in a way he'd never seen her before. Then he snapped his fingers, and he was gone.

Draco Malfoy vanished and left nothing but pieces of his shattered heart.

______