In the office, Ethel and Roman stare at me as though they can see inside me and they're worried about what they've found.

They're not the only ones. I, myself, am worried about what's going on inside me.

Ethel clears her throat. 'I'm not sure what the rules were in your previous place, but I didn't think I needed to deem what is considered acceptable behaviour in our community. Any sort of aggression is not acceptable behaviour.'

Roman crosses his arms. 'Jed is rather shaken up by the whole experience this morning. You attacked him unprovoked...'

'He grabbed my arm,' I interrupt.

'He shouldn't have grabbed your arm, however, that in no way justifies a punch to the nose,' Roman says flatly.

Ethel raises her hands. I flinch backwards in case she attempts to touch me like everyone else seems to want to do. Ethel glances at Roman before turning to me. 'Kit, why did you leave your previous home?'

'I couldn't stay there.'

'Why?'

'I just couldn't.' I shuffle uncomfortably and glance between the two of them. I could tell them about my settlement. First, I want to discuss the idea with Zach and ask him what he thinks about telling them about our past.

'Roman, could you get Bo and Zach. I need to talk to them separately after I've finished talking with Kit,' Ethel says.

Roman nods and leaves the room whilst Ethel grabs a chair and pops it in front of me. 'Please sit, Kit.'

I stare at the chair. Should I defy her or accept. I don't understand what she wants from me. What are her intentions? I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone except Zach.

I'm starting to think I have trust issues.

Ethel sighs, grabs another chair and sits down. 'The chair is to make you more comfortable, I'm not playing games or exerting my power. If you'd prefer to stand that's completely your choice.'

I sit in the chair. Ethel leans back, inspecting me again. What does she see? Does she see the unease humming beneath the surface of my skin? Does she see every muscle in my body tensing in fear of the possibility of her trying to make physical contact? My whole body is in a permanent state of preparing to run. It has been since we arrived yesterday, apart from a brief encounter this morning when it switched modes to fight mode.

I can't believe I punched that man.

'I was voted to be a leader of this community alongside Roman. However, I don't consider our roles to be one of control. We are here to aid the improvement of this community. Our aim is to build a better future for us and the future generations. Everyone who has joined over the years has a story and, unfortunately, they are often not happy ones. Regardless, we always accept outsiders if they are willing to build towards our goal. The only thing we do not tolerate is a person not contributing in a positive manner to our community.'

'I'm sorry... I didn't want to but his hands were on me and...' I wrap my arms around myself.

'It's ok. I believe you didn't intentionally set out to hurt Jed. Sometimes, previous experiences can alter how we perceive a situation and they can make us act in a certain way, especially when we feel threatened. If you ever want to talk to anyone, there are always people here who will listen. There are people who will understand what you've gone through.' Ethel smiles gently.

So you know multiple people who were kept prisoner and tested on?

'And I want you to know, any aggressive behaviour from anyone would not be tolerated and you should not tolerate it either. We do not want to build our community on an abusive environment. If anyone was acting in such a way to you, I would like you to tell me about it and I will deal with it effectively. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, including you, Kit.'

My face creases in confusion. Ethel's hand moves towards my knee, and I jerk backwards. She rapidly raises her hands in the air. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.' She slowly lowers her hands and exhales slowly. 'Kit, did you want to leave where you were living?'

No, but I had no choice. I remain silent. Anything I say will only raise more questions I don't want to answer.

I stand and position myself on the other side of the chair as though the furniture will protect me from both her questions and her attempts at physical contact. 'Can I go?'

'Yes, you may go, Kit. I will never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with.' Ethel stands. 'But I'm always here to talk, Kit. Whenever you want, about whatever you want. You may be afraid but you don't have to be. I want to help. Everyone here wants to help. You don't have to live in fear anymore.'

The words make me shiver. For some reason, her interest and urgency remind me of Ben. Part of me thinks she believes in the words but also has a secret agenda. What could it be?

'One final thing, it's not appropriate for you to sleep in a room full of boys,' Ethel says.

'There are not enough beds in the room I'm in.'

'I will sort out a bed with bedding for you by this evening.' Ethel shuffles on her feet. 'You should embrace this opportunity. It gives you a chance to take a step back from Zach and...'

'I don't want to take a step back from Zach,' I snap incredulously.

'Right now you may not, but that may be best for you in the long run. The intensity of spending a month alone has probably made you feel things for him which would normally not arise, and it has made you accept certain behaviours which most would not consider acceptable.'

'I lo...' I falter. I don't want the first time I say it out loud to be to Ethel. I want to tell Zach. Which I will, when I stop being a coward.

'I'm sure you think you do.' Ethel shakes her head wearily. I grab the handle of the door. Ethel adds. 'Remember, Kit, I'll be here for you whenever you're ready to talk. You deserve a life free from hurt.'

Pulling open the door, Bo is waiting on the other side. He steps back and allows me to step out into the hallway without the possibility of me touching him. He smiles. 'Haiden's waiting for you at the greenhouse. I should be able to get all my duties done so we can head off after lunch.'

'Ok.'

'Also, can you encourage Haiden to not ride a bike? She's only got one lung, and as much as she tries to keep up with us, I'd prefer if she sat in one of the trailers,' Bo says as he walks through the door.

'Will do.'

Zach is waiting against the wall. His hands are tucked into his pockets as he stares at the floor. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. Zach's arms encircle me, and I feel myself breathe with ease for the first time since waking up next to him.

Why is touch so easy with him?

'What did she say?' Zach asks.

'I'm not sure. The whole conversation was a bit confusing.' I sink into Zach.

None of what Ethel said made sense. Why does she think someone would hurt me? Maybe, it's a standard conversation, a way to ensure everyone knows what is expected of them, to put people at ease.

It's just made me more uncomfortable.

'We need to decide what we're going to tell them about why we left our settlements.' I lean back to look at Zach, who's brow creases slightly.

'What do you want to tell them?' Zach asks.

'I don't know. What do you think?'

'This is your decision to make.'

'I don't trust them.' I exhale slowly.

'It's early days.'

'Do you trust them?'

'I don't know anyone here well enough to say I trust them. People say you should go with your instincts but I'm not sure mine are reliable since I thought Ben was a decent guy and I thought my mum was only distant with me because she was grieving her dead family.' Zach rests his chin on my shoulder and I bury my face into his neck, inhaling his enticing scent.

It's the first time Zach's openly spoken about his mother. My heartaches. I wish I was able to heal the internal pain. I wish my love would simply override all the love he missed out on. 'What did your instincts say about me?'

Zach leans back. 'That you were confident and fearless.'

That was not the answer I was expecting

'My instincts also told me you would probably be distrustful but that if I earned your trust, I would never want to lose it.'

I arch an eyebrow in disbelief. 'You're such a liar.'

'Ok, maybe the only thing going through my head initially was, wow she's sexy.' Zach smirks.

I roll my eyes and he dips his head aligning our mouths. 'Then I thought the rest, and I was right.' Zach cups my face, his thumb sweeping over my lips. 'We can go if you want. Just say the phrase and we'll leave.'

I want to shout 'you promised me a new book'. I want to tell him I love him and all I need is him. The only thing stopping me is this is what he was hoping for; another way of living. I need to give him the chance to experience it, to figure out if this is where he wants to be. Even if it means, he realises I don't fit.

'Let's give it a week, like Ethel suggested.' I sigh.

'I'm not sure I can stand not sleeping with you for a week,' Zach groans and I laugh.

'Zach, Ethel wants to see you now.' Bo interrupts. 'Kit, do you mind if we postpone our trip till tomorrow? A few things have come up that I have to do today, and I don't think you should go alone with Haiden, she's a bit nervous.'

'That's fine.' I step away from Zach but his arms tighten around me preventing me from going anywhere.

Bo frowns between us. 'Is everything ok?'

'Yes,' I say, gently easing myself out of Zach's grip. 'I'll see you at lunch, Zach.'

Zach dips to kiss me. Unexpectedly, his tongue seeks entrance and I open my mouth instantly. Bo clears his throat, and I break the kiss, embarrassed by how easily I allowed myself to get lost in Zach. Zach grins, brushes his lips against mine gently then nods goodbye to Bo. Knocking loudly on the door leading to Ethel, he flashes me a smile before opening the door and disappearing into the office. 

Bo straightens up. 'Ethel has organised for us to undertake a couple of extra duties today so we have the entire day free tomorrow. It means we can head off early instead of waiting until lunch. It'll give us more time to look around,' Bo says.

'Sounds good,' I reply.

Bo smiles. 'Let's find Haiden and get started on the duties. Kit, if there's anything I can do to help you feel more at ease, let me know.'

'Thanks.' I shuffle uncomfortably, wondering what Ethel has said to him. 

Why is everyone so desperate to help me?

Author's note

Next couple of chapters and things will start to make more sense (hopefully).