Requested by Elaine2165

A sudden jolt woke Yeosang up from his slumber. He wasn't sure what he was dreaming of, but it was strong enough to make him jump in fright.

Then warmth wrapped around his body. It came from the two arms around him.

Yeosang found himself slowly drifting back to bed. The arms held him securely, and hands soothed his bare skin like a refreshing bubble bath.

And in a second, Yeosang was pressing his head under the man's chin. His eyes were only losing his when the man shifted.

Yeosang felt his breath leave when the arms themselves let go. A moment later, all the warmth became replaced by cold air.

"Are you leaving?" Yeosang asked. But he's known that answer for a long time.

"Obviously."

"You... don't have to go, Seonghwa," the younger whispered. He watched as Seonghwa picked up his clothes off the ground and dressed.

"What are you talking about, Yeosang?" Seonghwa grunted. "I'm getting a headache. Open the window or something. Actually, I don't care. It doesn't matter when I'm leaving anyway."

Yeosang picked himself up, ignoring any aches or exhaustion, and embraced Seonghwa before he could leave.

Seonghwa rolled his eyes but hugged him anyway.

"You can let go now."

"Stay." Yeosang kissed his lips and trailed down to his neck. He felt slightly uncomfortable slipping hands under Seonghwa's shirt; the feeling wasn't the same as earlier tonight. It felt more desperate, but for what exactly?

"I would love to," Seonghwa said while pinning the boy back down on the bed. He traced rough kisses over Yeosang's bare body, them lasting not even a second long. "But I can't stay. You know our rules."

'Can't we fuck the rules?' Yeosang wanted to shout.

"Just wait," he instead pleaded. He knew if Seonghwa could come in contact with him a little more, the warmth would return, and he could fall asleep once again — Seonghwa's arms would build a protective wall around him.

On the other hand, Seonghwa wanted to leave. He wanted to go before things went too slow and he trespassed the own guidelines they set. No commitments. No dating. No love. Only fucking.

But here he stood at the edge of Yeosang's bed, spiraling into the boy's attractive atmosphere. The hot, sex-filled air from earlier still remained, and yet it felt like the night had just started.

Seonghwa clutched the base of Yeosang's thighs hungrily again. He admired his lover's flesh — hours of dancing poured into making it plump and muscular. Now they fit right into his hold.

"Seonghwa," Yeosang moaned, feeling the older's lips suck his skin like earlier. There would soon be more marks he'd have to cover with layers upon layers of makeup. But it was all worth it if it meant spending more time with Seonghwa.

And just as Yeosang began thinking they would sleep together under the sheets a second time, the hands let go. His body pitifully, and quite uselessly, sank back onto the mattress again.

"G-Goodnight," he quietly said. He bit his bottom lip, expecting a cold-toned response.

However, there was no reply. Seonghwa straightened his coat and silently left Yeosang there.

Yeosang thought about the feelings he's been having for the past few days. He felt strongly attracted to Seonghwa. It was more than his body, but not enough to say it was personality. Yeosang believed they looked good together if they were more than fuckbuddies. While it was fun to keep it between them, he imagined it would be even better to show their attraction to the public.

Besides, Yeosang knew Seonghwa didn't have anyone else. Maybe an occasional fling or two, but their sessions have gone on for the past two years — far longer than any of those of about a week.

The next few days became detrimental to Yeosang's emotions. Seonghwa hadn't called or texted in almost a week. This was uncommon. They'd often text with at least an R-rated photo being the minimum.

Yeosang wasn't sure if he should try contacting the older. It hurt him to know he wasn't getting attention. But maybe, just maybe, Seonghwa realized what was happening and opted to stop their meetings. It was, after all, against their verbal agreement.

Read.

Yeosang squinted at the word for the umpteenth time that day. So he received the messages, just didn't respond. That wouldn't occur if he were supposedly cut off, right? Seonghwa would've blocked him if that was the case, yeah?

Then it began to show that he was typing. Yeosang stopped breathing. After several days, did he change his mind?

I'm at the park.

Yeosang had never rushed to a place as fast as he could. He almost tripped along the way. But once he arrived, he slowed down.

Seonghwa sat on a bench, thinking to himself. His eyes were either low or closed. Yeosang wasn't sure. However, he did catch how exhausted his face looked. It wasn't like that a week ago.

"Seonghwa?"

"Come," Seonghwa whispered. He patted the spot beside him. Yeosang took the seat and faced the direction the other faced.

Suddenly, Yeosang felt warmth on his hand. It was Seonghwa's. He flipped it around so they could intertwine perfectly. This was the warm feeling he needed.

"What's wrong, Seonghwa?" Yeosang carefully asked.

"..."

"You can tell me."

A sniff. Then a stuttering one.

Yeosang turned to Seonghwa, gasped, and cupped his face. "No, no," he softly mumbled. "Don't cry, babe. Please."

Tears slowly flowed down Seonghwa's cheeks. Yeosang had no idea why, but he only wanted to comfort Seonghwa as much as possible.

"My parents, Yeosang," he quietly began. "They were in a car crash, and..."

Yeosang patiently waited.

"My mom's in critical condition, but my dad..." Seonghwa squeezed his hands. "He... He..."

Yeosang hurriedly embraced him. He allowed the older to sob into his chest. Never has he come near to experiencing this moment with Seonghwa. They rarely touched outside of the bedroom. Seonghwa never allowed them.

Despite everything, though, Yeosang found the hold natural. Seonghwa probably did too. His quick, panicked lungs slowly relaxed; they found a steady rhythm.

"Stay with me, Yeosang. Please."

Yeosang tried not to think about the last time he heard the word 'stay.' Because the last time, it came out of his mouth.

Yeosang remained beside Seonghwa. He chalked the devotion up to attraction for the man. Not love, though. He wanted to make that clear.

Seonghwa had to figure himself out emotionally while handling his mother's condition. And every night in bed, he would hear Yeosang climb in behind him, pressing close to his body. He started looking forward to it.

So another feeling flooded in towards Seonghwa's thoughts. It was a feeling of adoration — of need to see Yeosang and experience his presence. To have him close the way they've been for the last few days. All of it, Seonghwa detected he'd been yearning for.

And yet, as beautiful as it sounds, Seonghwa wasn't happy. Why does this awkward emotion have to enter his already messy brain? Why does Yeosang have to be so compliant with every interaction they have?

No, these two don't know anything about love. They've never experienced it before. Well, the first step is to acknowledge it, though.

Seonghwa did so first.

It came one night when Yeosang sensed him leaving the bed. It was common to do so because sometimes Seonghwa wanted to cry and drink in the living room alone. Today shouldn't be any different.

"Yeosang?"

Seonghwa stood at the doorway, holding something in his hand. Yeosang squinted to see the slight shimmer in his eyes.

"Pack up your things and go home."

"What?"

"I said to pack up your things... and leave!" Seonghwa exclaimed. Yeosang flinched.

"Why? What's wrong?" He attempted to approach the older. "Let me help you. You're drunk again, right?"

"We can't be near each other anymore."

"No! Seonghwa, I love you."

There wasn't any response for a few seconds. The sentences had to process through Seonghwa's head. It had to form an answer.

"And I know you love me too. We have something. You've shown it to me this last week we've spent together."

"Get out."

"Don't deny it. I've seen it when you look at me. Don't you think I can sense how clingy you've become? We've been together for two—"

"We've never been together."

Yeosang wished to cry. At the same time, he didn't want to. He hoped to be strong and face Seonghwa — face their feelings.

"We should be."

Seonghwa swallowed at Yeosang's determined voice. But he shook his head. "It hasn't happened in two years, so it won't ever happen. I know."

"Why are you so blind?" Yeosang hit Seonghwa's chest with weak fists. "Did the last week mean nothing?"

Seonghwa suddenly cupped Yeosang's emotional face using one hand. His eyes pierced through Yeosang. They were trying to find some intelligence, some common sense that supported his belief. But all he unfortunately found was justification. He was right.

But Seonghwa was scared.

"If we were ever together, we're over now. Happy?"

With a push to the side, Seonghwa made Yeosang stumble out of his way.

"Go!"

Yeosang gathered his things while holding back tears. He wouldn't cry inside Seonghwa's home. Only when he was alone with fresh air, then he'd breathe and sob all he wanted to.

Upon opening the front door, Yeosang stopped. He wanted to leave with one last sassy remark. Something that would make Seonghwa regret it. But it wasn't possible. He lost. He lost everything he fought for.

The cold night air swarmed onto Yeosang's skin once outside. Then the rain started. Hot tears poured down his cheeks. Yeosang felt stuffy. An invisible force clogged up his throat to where he felt like he couldn't breathe. It was all meaningless now.

Now what's left is throwing everything into his car and going home.

"Yeosang."

Yeosang didn't turn.

"Wait!"

Throw in the bags faster, Yeosang.

"Don't leave yet."

Take out the keys and get into the driver's seat.

"I'm sorry!" Seonghwa stood blocking the door so Yeosang couldn't get in.

"You don't get enough at kicking me out? Yeah? You're not satisfied for shoving me away after I helped you?!"

Seonghwa tried to reach for his wrists. "Yeosang."

"No, stop!" Yeosang cried harder. "You're making this so hard to understand."

"I mean it. I'm really sorry I reacted that way. But you were right. You were. You and I have been together for so long that I've come to l—"

Yeosang dryly chuckled. "Let me get in my car."

"No."

"No?" He frowned and threw his keys at Seonghwa. "Fine. I'll just walk the way."

"Yeosang, I love—"

"Are you stupid? Do you think I'm stupid? What kind of idiot are you? First, you shove me to go, and now you... love me?" Yeosang mocked him with more dry laughter. "How am I supposed to believe anything you say?"

"I know, Yeosang. But— Hey! Stop walking away. Yeosang!"

The younger continued backing up until he stood in the middle of the empty road.

"Come home with me. We need to talk calmly. Not outside in the cold," Seonghwa offered.

"Seonghwa, I don't know what to think. You're too confusing. How do I know you're not doing this so you can use me again?"

"'Use' you?"

"I'm just a toy, aren't I? Someone you can call for you to pour your stress in?"

"No, Yeosang. Not anymore. Come here."

Yeosang didn't move. And Seonghwa was afraid stepping forward would make Yeosang back up even more.

"Please. I want to make this right."

Seonghwa wanted to hug Yeosang at the sight of his tired, stressed, and puzzled face. Seonghwa did this. He knew he was the cause: he and the stupid fear inside him.

And just as Yeosang looked back up at him, a car turned down the road, skidding at the corner. It was moving fast, and Yeosang barely had time to react.

"No!"

Seonghwa ran to Yeosang, who lay on the ground, unmoving. The image replayed in his mind — his body struck and flew like some rag doll.

"H-Hwa," Yeosang cried.

"I know, Sangie. I'm calling for help now." Seonghwa clambered to turn on his phone. But his shaking fingers made it so difficult to do. "Stay with me. Stay, please."

Seonghwa didn't leave Yeosang's side until paramedics asked him to. Even then, he wanted to hold the boy's hand and provide warmth — as if that would magically heal him and everything would be okay.

For the next few hours until dawn, Seonghwa waited outside. It pained him to be here again. And this time, guilt piled up on his shoulders along with all the other thoughts swarming into his head.

"Mr. Park?"

Seonghwa lifted his head. The doctor was coming with not an ounce of emotion on his face.

"How is he? Can I see him?"

"He's not good. And we don't think he'll be recovering anytime soon. The injuries the crash did were impactful."

"So could he be okay? In the long run?"

"We're... not sure."

"What? What does that mean?" Seonghwa began to shake again.

"Yeosang's body isn't reacting well to any effort we're making. He could give up as early as ten minutes from now or live the rest of his life well after a few weeks of recovery. We're not sure."

"No! There has to be a way... there must be a way," Seonghwa choked out. "I can't let him go like this."

"We're very sorry."

Seonghwa slowly walked into Yeosang's room. The boy was almost unrecognizable with the number of tubes and casts upon his body. It only made Seonghwa worse.

Seonghwa took Yeosang's cold hand into his own. He pressed his cheek against it, wanting to feel Yeosang's touch.

But maybe, just maybe, there's a chance the younger could prevail.

"I love you, Yeosang. But I've completely failed you. I can never live with myself the way I used to. I was so scared to date you. I thought you would leave me like everyone else has; I stupidly pushed you away last moment."

More tears ran down Seonghwa's face, soon falling onto Yeosang's hospital gown. They formed a dark puddle that seeped through the surgical fabric.

"But when you wake up, when you're able to get up from this bed, I'll hug you and walk you home — just like you helped me."

Seonghwa leaned his head against Yeosang's arm. "We'll make up for those last two years we wasted blinded, chasing each other when we didn't know it. We'll have many more years, Yeosang. I promise."

"I hope so."

Startled, Seonghwa sat up to see a tiny smile on Yeosang's face.

"I know so," he replied.

"I'll... hold you... to it." Yeosang started to blink hazily. Seonghwa shook him a little bit by the shoulder.

"Yeo? Baby?"

The monitor hit a flatline as Yeosang's head gently dropped onto Seonghwa's hand.

"No... no no! Someone! Help!"

Nurses rushed in to help. They circled the pair while trying to find a way to save Yeosang. But Seonghwa was already sobbing again.

He knew Yeosang wouldn't come back.

"I'm sorry!" he cried, kissing the younger's cool cheek. "This is my fault... only me... But I love you, Yeosang. I love you so much."

When Seonghwa tried to caress his face, it didn't feel the same way. Yeosang's skin wasn't so warm anymore. It was cooling down — the rest of his body was too. His hands were no longer able to calm Seonghwa down. Their warmth was gone.

The cold, icy feeling incoming would solely haunt him now.