Hongjoong lay on his bed, eyes gently drifting closed. One had to admit he looked alluring the way his smoky eye makeup appeared every eyelash he bat. He's so tired of waiting.

Some old reality show played in the background. Hongjoong wasn't paying much attention to it. He never paid attention to any hotel room he stayed in.

Yet this one felt... sleazy? Yeah. That word works.

The strangely grey walls, probably once white, provided an unfamiliar feeling to him. It wasn't necessarily welcoming nor unwelcoming. Wood chipped off the antique drawer holding the TV. Hongjoong wondered whether anyone would dare place clothes in there. Probably not, based on the dust.

The windows were partially off too. A fold to one of the blinds, a cut to another. Did a fight happen in this room? If so, what kind of fight?

The room made him feel dirty, but it was all because what he was doing... was dirty.

Hongjoong dropped his head between his knees, sighing. He still had time to cancel. He could still text San not to come.

Knock knock.

Nevermind.

Hongjoong cleared his throat, got off the bed, and made any adjustments to his appearance whatsoever. Maybe it was his robe, maybe his hair. He just wanted to look good.

"Hey, baby," San greeted, immediately stroking the back of Hongjoong's ear. His warm hand moved down his jaw, then his chin, and later to the male's slightly revealed chest. "Aren't you looking pretty tonight?"

Hongjoong playfully rolled his eyes and allowed him in. San looked around the room and let out a low whistle.

"Hell of a hotel I reserved, huh?"

"Hell wouldn't be enough." Hongjoong turned, sitting on the bed to face San. His big eyes stared at his ex-boyfriend before him.

"You're late."

"I know, baby." San crouched to his height. "But you know I can't just leave my house like that. She'll know."

Hongjoong pushed his hands away. "So don't tell me to arrive early when you're going to be late."

San watched as Hongjoong crossed his arms and avoided eye contact.

"What's wrong, Hongjoong?"

"Hm?" San placed a hand on his bare knee, moving the silk robe aside. He rubbed the lightly tanned skin softly. "Look at me, Hongjoongie."

Hongjoong didn't reply.

"Hongjoong," San called more sternly. His hand grasped the smaller's chin and forced him to look.

Not even three seconds later and San's lips were on Hongjoong's. Hongjoong crossed his arms behind San's head so they could be even closer. By the time he realized it, San had already pushed him onto the bed and currently pinned him down to the mattress.

Their lovemaking was always so rough and quick. But one thing Hongjoong knew San could resist was licking every possible crevice he could.

"San!"

"Sannie!"

Hongjoong forced his eyes shut and moaned. "Stop!"

A low chuckle escaped the younger's mouth.

"Stop? Stop?" he mocked, crawling up to caress Hongjoong's chin. "We're just getting started."

Hongjoong cowered under San's hot breath on his neck. They were just so close to each other. "Keep going."

"Of course." San attacked Hongjoong's neck, trying to mark it as much as he could.

The nights were never the same, Hongjoong believed. There was always something different and unique when he met with San. Let it be a location or simply changing around a sex position, at the end of the night, Hongjoong and San were left satisfied and content with their wrongdoing.

Huge wrongdoing it was. Ex-boyfriends, Hongjoong and San secretly gathered in hotels — sometimes their own houses — behind everyone else's backs.

San had a girlfriend. Hongjoong didn't know her, but he knew they didn't start dating without purpose. It hurt him to think about it because what else could she offer that he couldn't?

"Don't cry, sweetheart. Does it hurt?" San caressed Hongjoong's bare stomach. "Should I pull out?"

"N-No! Just stay with me, please," Hongjoong begged. San nodded and pressed his nose a little deeper into Hongjoong's nape. He knew his lover could be needy at times.

Maybe a little too needy.

"How long do you have?" Hongjoong asked when they finished. San shrugged while checking his phone.

"Another hour."

Hongjoong hummed and crawled to where his ex sat. He draped his body over him and placed his chin on San's shoulder.

If one thing's for sure, San would always make it explicitly clear that Hongjoong was the other one.

'I'll see you later, love,' the text San recently sent read. Hongjoong bit his bottom lip. He moved aside. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, he exhaled.

"I'm going home." The cold air touching his shoulders made Hongjoong shiver. The hotel wasn't the place he wanted to be right now.

"...Mhm?" San hummed, entertained with whatever was going on in his phone.

"You've always been like this," Hongjoong uttered softly. He slid the button of his jeans through its respective opening.

"What?"

"I've never seen a place like this." Hongjoong turned away and hoped his lie was valid.

"Yeah. Same."

. . .

'Let's not meet today.'

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at the message. San had never sent a message so seriously before. If they were calling off a night, Hongjoong knew he would be sincere or at least give a reason.

But Hongjoong didn't want to give up just yet. He opened the camera to snap a photo of his neck, precisely the spot where a dark hickey was imprinted on his skin.

'I wanted more of these today,' he added in the text.

Hongjoong didn't get an automatic answer. Just a 'Read' below his message. Then ten minutes later,

'She planned dinner tonight.'

Hongjoong rolled his eyes and threw his phone to the side. It looks like he has a free day.

He busied himself with the usual things. Exercise, order food, go for a walk and mess around on his computer. It's what he loved most about living alone. Hongjoong had little to no responsibilities living by himself other than work.

Ever since he broke up with San.

He couldn't help but feel alone sometimes.

Hongjoong shut his laptop with a sigh. In all the time that passed, it was getting late. He figured he'd change before going to bed.

Then someone knocked on his door.

"San?"

San immediately kissed Hongjoong. He held a hand on the back of the shorter's head to roughly smash their lips. Hongjoong was taken aback, so he stumbled and whined from the sudden attack.

Hongjoong laughed to himself as San trailed kisses down his neck. "Why are you in such a hurry?" he softly asked.

"I don't know." San looked at him just as tenderly. "I just... need to love someone right now."

Hongjoong nodded, a bit confused with the sudden confession. His confusion drifted away that night as he fell asleep in San's arms.

San couldn't stay the night, Hongjoong knew. He still liked to smell the man's scent on his sheets anyway. He wasn't able to do so at a hotel.

'I still love you,' San had told him last night. Hongjoong wanted to believe it. But he was so pitifully drowned in half love and half hate for San.

Hongjoong and San sat together one night, watching movies. San had his arms around the other, holding him tight. His hold loosened once the movie was over.

'I'll make more popcorn,' Hongjoong said. But San held his arm.

'Wait.' He sighed before continuing. 'I need to talk to you.'

Hongjoong stared a little wide-eyed. San rarely behaved like this. 'Okay,' he whispered.

'Uh...' San looked down before holding Hongjoong's hands with his own. 'I love you.'

'I k-know,' Hongjoong replied softly. Eyebrows slanting and eyes were delicately blinking, his face melted to worry.

'But I want to break up.'

'...Why?'

'I don't think we're fit for each other anymore. I need... someone different. Someone...' San shrugged. He seemed to be out of words.

Hongjoong's brows creased in anger. 'Someone what?' he asked.

San noticed his look. He chose to put an aggressive one in return.

'I met someone else.'

'...'

'We work together. She's nice to me, and we-'

'Get out,' Hongjoong gritted through his teeth. When San didn't move, he said it louder. 'Get out!'

Hongjoong shook his head to stop the memory. To clear his mind, he left the bed to take a relaxing shower.

"Hmm," Hongjoong hummed to himself while walking at the store. He'd developed an appetite for cake but lacked the supplies for it. And considering he didn't work today either, he might as well spend some time outside the confines of his apartment.

"Sannie, I'm over here!"

Hongjoong turned in the direction of the female voice. A woman was turning around the corner, holding a basket on her forearm. She looked at Hongjoong for a moment, smiled, then browsed the cake mixes with him. Hongjoong didn't think much of it. At first.

"What else do you... need..."

Hongjoong's eyes went past the woman to see San walking down the aisle. The man also stared directly at him, only more wide-eyed.

"I handed you the list," the woman remarked. San shifted his focus to her again so he wouldn't be caught.

"A-Are you sure you want to make a cake?" San asked. "Let's look for something else instead-"

She laughed. "San! You're acting so weird after I told you the pregnancy news yesterday night."

...

Hongjoong swore he stopped breathing. What?

San shook his head, putting on a fake chuckle for her. "Am I? Why would you say that, sweetheart?"

Hongjoong and San met eyes again. Only, Hongjoong's were lit with burning anger and hatred for him.

San was only using him — and has been for too long.

Hongjoong let the box he held fall to the floor, attracting attention from the two. But he was already speed-walking away to see their faces. Tears welled up in his eyes, chest filled with an invisible yet deadly pressure.

"Hongjoong!"

Keep walking.

"Hongjoong, wait!"

"San? What's going on?!"

"Stop." San grasped Hongjoong's shoulder and turned him around. He quickly embraced him, trying to hold Hongjoong still.

"Hongjoong, please..."

Hongjoong cried. "I hate myself, San."

"No, you don't, baby-"

"And I hate us," he sobbed.

"Sh, sh," San soothed. He wiped Hongjoong's incoming tears. "We'll be fine, Hongjoong. I want to be with you. I love you-"

Hongjoong cut San with a sudden kiss, to which the other immediately gave into. His hands snuck to hold Hongjoong's waist, a reflex he naturally developed over time.

San thought he had Hongjoong again.

But Hongjoong knew this time.

As they broke the kiss to take a breath, Hongjoong slapped San with everything he had.

"I don't ever want to see you again."

Hongjoong walked away from him, now with more courage than before. He had to move on now. Finally.

And San?

San held his cheek and turned to see his girlfriend with a disappointed look across her face. One small step from him was enough to make her dash away in the other direction.

San couldn't chase after her.

Nor could he chase after Hongjoong either.

i really love this chapter... did you?