♥

I thought watching Nate leave would make me feel better. Instead it made me feel a thousand times worse.

He will be better off without me. I'll only continue to drag him down and I never want to extinguish that light that shines so bright inside him. He should live, he should soar.

But it still fucking hurts. Like I've swallowed razor blades.

I've run out of tears to cry. I'm exhausted yet awake. My mind won't allow me to sleep because of the intense emotions I'm suddenly feeling. The thought of using sex to distract me makes me feel disgusted–no one will ever compare to Nate.

I'm happy with dying alone as long as my mate lives a life that serves him well.

I will never serve him well. It's inevitable.

My door cracks open and I don't glance to see who it is. I know it's not Nate because my wolf isn't howling inside me at his scent, he knows when he's nearby. But he's as far away as possible. It's for the best. He just doesn't know it yet.

Instead Reign's sweet scent filters through my room and I can't bear the thought of entertaining a conversation right now. I stare blankly at the wall and feel my bed dip beside me but I don't look up.

"Hey," she says gently. "How are you feeling?"

All I can manage is a pathetic shrug. She deserves more but I've got nothing left to give.

A hand is placed on my forearm gently. "Talk to me, Milo. I hate seeing you like this."

"Nothing to say," I murmur.

"If this is about what Everett said," she pauses and I close my eyes, blanking out the agony he left me in. "Then you need to realise that he was being a massive fucking asshole. Everything he said was rude, obnoxious and downright wrong. You have been doing so well with your progress, you have made me so proud."

When I thought I had run out of tears, I thought wrong. "Don't, Reign."

"I was furious with him," her voice is clipped. "When he told me and we couldn't find you anywhere, I've never been so angry. It hurt me, what he said. He's been beating himself up about it since, I've certainly been giving him a hard time because I don't recognise that man who said those nasty things. That's not the mate I know."

"What he said is true," I rasp beneath my tears.

"No," she squeezes my arm. "It's not. He was worried about my condition. You saved my life. Without you being there, I would have died pointblank. Everett wanted someone to blame that wasn't himself. Where was he when it was happening? You were the one who saved me, who fought off the wolves to get me to safety."

My eyes clench shut. "He said Nate will leave me because of my baggage, I use my addiction as an excuse."

"Bullshit," she shakes her head. "Both are bullshit. Nate cares about you, he doesn't care about your past or your addiction. He cares about you. Regardless of baggage, he will never leave your side."

I lick my dry lips. "He thought I cheated on him."

"Given you were at a sex party, even though you didn't do anything. You expect him not to be concerned?"

My body twists to face her. "I wanted him to trust me."

Reign's eyes are glistening as she nods. "I understand that. I do."

"But whilst all that shit was going on, Henry pulled me from the party in my drunken state and tried it on with me. I didn't want to be anywhere near him and when I didn't engage with his advantages, he drugged me and tied me in silver and buried me in a box to die."

She blinks rapidly, lips parting in shock. "Milo... what?"

"Nate found me," I whisper. "But I wish that he didn't."

"No," her voice cracks. "Don't say that."

I shrug, another tear rolling down my cheeks. "But I mean it. It felt peaceful, knowing I would never fuck up anyone else's life."

"You haven't fucked up my life," Reign sniffles when tears invade her cheeks. Her hand slides up my arm and she cups my shoulder. "You made it better, you helped me realise that I belong. Just like you do. You mean so much to all of us. If I lost you, I'd lose a piece of my soul."

My lips purse so harshly that it begins to hurt. "Everyone should soon realise that they would be better off without me."

"No," she bites at me. "Stop sprouting this bullshit at me. You don't realise how much you are loved, how much we adore you and would not be ourselves without you. You've left an imprint on every single person you've met. All you're seeing right now is the bad things, when there are a thousand good things you've done for all of us."

I glance down at the wall again. "It's for the best."

"The doctor is coming up to check you over," Reign says loudly. "I also asked Layla to do a session with you today to help you out of this silly mindset that you're so convinced is true. When it's not. You are breaking me, Milo. I hate seeing you like this, I hate knowing that I can't do anything to help you."

"I don't want to see a doctor." My head shakes.

Reign laughs quietly but it's humourless. "And Nate said that's exactly what you'll say. I don't care if I have to force you. You're seeing a doctor, especially after what you just told me."

As if on cue, there is a knock at the door. Reign walks over to open it and I glance away when the doctor, Samuel, walks in. "Hi, Milo." He says gently. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll wait outside," Reign dismisses herself.

I huff out a breath and face the wall again. If I don't let the doctor see me over, I'll never hear the end of it from Reign. So I let him do what he needs to do. First he checks me for injuries, concussion, dehydration.

He takes his time and I don't rush him. I barely give him anything back.

But when he's done and he agrees that I'm slightly dehydrated, I reassure him that I'll drink more water to get my body back on-track. He notes that I'm physically and mentally drained which isn't hard to see, he says to get some food and go back to sleep to get as much rest as possible.

Reign thanks the doctor when he opens the door and steps back inside. "Everything okay?"

"Unfortunately," I murmur as I stand from the bed.

"Stop it," she exhales and walks around the roof to give me a hug. She practically falls into my chest but I'm too weak to even think about wrapping my own arms around her. "Please. Just stop. You are so special to me. I love you, Milo. I love you so much."

My head falls against her shoulder, the weight of my body finally drooping. "I feel empty," I admit.

"Then let us help," she begs. "Come downstairs. You won't do yourself any favours staying up here alone. You sent Nate away."

"It's for the best," I say through a rasp. "He'll soon realise it."

Reign shakes her head as she pulls away, hands still latched onto my shoulders. "He looked a mess when he left," she tilts her head slowly. "He's in pieces."

I lower my eyes to the floor. "I needed some space. I've not been thinking right since the night of the committee gathering."

"Come downstairs."

"Everett will be there."

"Then tell him how much he upset you and what he needs to do to gain your trust. He's been beside himself, barely sleeping, pacing. He's losing sense of himself because he knows he hurt you and what he said is unforgivable," she says as she takes my hand this time and gives my fingers a little squeeze. "Come get something to eat, I know you're hungry."

I surprise myself by standing up and following Reign out of my bedroom. As we reach the kitchen downstairs, I find Everett standing there staring right back at me. Reign is right, he looks like he's been beside himself.

No worse than I look right now after being buried alive.

"Milo," he whispers. "H-How are you?"

I press my brows together. "How am I... after you told me I was worthless, a waste of space? That I use my addiction as an excuse, that I'll fuck everything up with Nate because of my 'baggage'?"

He flinches from the words but my tone doesn't help. They sounded venomous.

"I didn't mean any of that," he shakes his head, eyes losing brightness. "I was devastated about Reign. I blamed you because deep down I was blaming myself. I fucking hate myself for what I said and there is absolutely no excuse for it. I'm ashamed and you should be proud of your progress and everything you've achieved."

My throat burns and I tell myself not to release another tear, even if my body won't allow me. "You're the one person that told me I could come to you, no matter what and you shut me down within seconds. You're my brother and you made me feel so worthless. I will never come to you for anything again."

"Milo," his eyes glitter. "I'm so–"

"Sorry doesn't even come close to what you should be saying right now. I'd never even think of saying the things that you did to me. I know Reign is your mate and I know you love her more than anything on this planet but I didn't deserve the shit you sprouted on me because even I know I'm better than that. But these last few days have destroyed me and I have no clue who I am anymore." I spit in his direction, the words practically rolling off my tongue. "Because I started to believe that shit, that I am nothing more than my addiction and I'll ruin peoples lives whilst being alive."

He takes a step closer. "I would lose my own life if I lost you."

I grit my jaw and shake my head. "You told me that I should have lost my life for Reign that night. If I had to, I would have done it without questioning anything. But as my brother, for you to make that comment, it made me realise that you don't value me at all."

"I do," his voice becomes stuck in his throat. "I was being an asshole, a fucking asshole who will live with those words for the rest of my life. They will haunt me every time I think about you because I don't think you'll ever forgive me."

"I won't," I straighten my back, finally finding my confidence. "Our entire brotherly relationship is done."

His hands tremble as he balls them into fists. "You don't mean it's done."

"I do," I flick my eyes between his eyes and watch them crumble with agony. "I thought you cared about me, loved me like a true sibling should."

"I do love you, Milo," he shakes his head once. "And I hate myself for what I've caused you. You have been doing well with your addiction and I tried to take away from that when it wasn't my place to say a single thing, let alone something so shallow. I am the one who needs to sort out my own shit and my emotions because clearly I need to do some improvements because I've fucked up the only relationship with my brother that I care about more than you know."

When the kitchen turns silent all I can do is nod because I've run out of words. I twist my head and walk towards the back door because I can't stand feeling like I'm losing control. I have nothing more to say to Everett.

Right now I can't even think about forgiving him. It will have to come with time.

I barely make it outside before I grip onto the fence over the decking, letting the cool air hit me in the chest. Reign is right behind me because her scent is following me. I don't mind being in her company but I don't want to look at Everett for a second more.

"I hope you know I slapped him when he told me," she appears next to me, leaning on the wooden slats. "He deserved it."

The comment makes my lip quirk. "Probably has a better meaning when it comes from you."

Reign rests her head against my arm gently. "Tell me what's going on with you and Nate. If you believe what Everett said is bullshit–which is it–why are you punishing yourself by pushing Nate away?"

I flick my head towards the trees and watch the leaves blow in the breeze. I exhale a slow breath with them. "He deserves better."

"No, he deserves you. You both deserve each other because you're perfect for one another. Truly a match the Moon Goddess could not have fucked up, even if she tried!" She exclaims which has me glancing at her.

At one point I could have agreed. I've never met someone I've clicked so well with.

But I can't stop thinking about how I could disappoint him in the future.

Everett was right with one thing–I do have baggage. It's what has made me spiral with all these sudden thoughts and tell Nate to leave me alone because I want him to come to that realisation too. Although deep down I know he'll never leave without a fight, he's not that sort of person.

When I feel Reign grip my arm and twist me around to face her, she raises up on her tip-toes. "I need you to be honest with me right now," she says, tilting her head in a serious manner. "And I mean God's honest truth, be serious with me?"

I blink and remain silent.

"Do you love him and want to be with him?"

My heart quakes at her question. I chew on my lip and glance down. It's obvious, the answer has always been obvious.

"Milo..." she trails off.

"Yes," I heave when I finally meet her eyes again.

Reign takes my face between her warm little hands. "Then don't be stupid enough to let him go. There is that silly saying that if you love someone, let them go. I'm actually furious with whoever said that. If you love him, go and get him. You belong together, Milo. The Moon Goddess doesn't lie."

"But I'm doing him a favour," I whisper, my lips trembling.

She shakes her head passionately. "Doing him a favour by making both of you miserable for the rest of your lives? When will you wake up and see that Nate will want no one else but you. Stop being stubborn and stop thinking that you're doing him a favour because you're not. You're causing more pain by not seeing the amazing gift that is right in front of you."

"Reign–" Her hand raises, telling me that she's not done.

"Think about the beautiful life you guys could live together. Yeah you might argue and go through hiccups but which couples don't? You've seen the worst of my times with Everett but we always make it work because we love each other. Don't waste this opportunity, I know you want to be happy. So let yourself be."

I find myself staring back at her, the words sinking into my skin and my heart.

Of course I want to be happy. Everyone does. So why can't I allow myself to be happy?

"I'll go see Layla later," I say suddenly.

Reign's eyes light up. "You will?"

"Yeah," I nod. "I think with the thoughts I've had in the last twenty-four hours, it would be wise to speak to someone."

"I'm proud of you," she rushes to my side, sliding her arm around my waist. "So proud, you have no idea."

My eyes flutter shut as my arms enclose around her slowly. This conversation might have made my head turn in a thousand different directions but at least it made me think about what is truly important.

♥ ♥ ♥

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Author's Note

An early update as I will not be here tomorrow, so I hope you enjoyed!!!

I love Milo and Reign's relationship so much. They care about one another so deeply!🥹🫶

Also I'm totally rooting for Milo standing up to Everett and saying their brotherly relationship is done! He's strong, he just doesn't want to believe it.

What did you guys think of this chapter?👉🏼

Don't forget to vote and comment, it makes my day!✨

Love Savanna x

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